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Client Voices

Clients of the sex-work industry should be silent?

Who can talk about sex-work experiences?

This website is an unusual blog. It is the thoughts of one person, a single, middle-aged, white, Australian client of primarily independent female escorts. The rambling thoughts, but still the voice of a sole client from the privileged fringe of the sex-work industry.

I remain thrilled and amazed when someone comments, likes or reads my articles. I don’t expect anyone to pay them much attention, but I do have a view when people, mainly a small number of incensed escorts and other male clients, suggest that I should just shut-the-hell-up!

Who gets to speak at the table?

I see escorts for enjoyment, I guess that makes it a hobby. Some of the escorts I see are full-time, so I guess that makes them professionals. It is their career on the line when they talk, for me it is just an interest.

I have become, after hard work from humble beginnings, a wealthy, entitled, spoilt, lucky and largely protected middle-aged heterosexual white-guy, in a very lucky country. Escorts are by definition of societal exclusion and stigmas disadvantaged.

Many sex-workers are also disadvantaged by other societal constructions around gender, age, work and in some cases race, mental health and other disgracefully applied stereotypes. I am in a privileged position, most escorts are by comparison in a far less privileged position – it’s not a ‘level playing field’ as commentators would say if this was a comparison within business circles.

So I should ‘drop dead’, as I was so eloquently instructed by an escort via a Twitter Private Messages (PMs) just before I first wrote the first version of this article. I’m pretty sure that meant that I should silently buy that person’s services and never say anything, to anybody, about anything, ever! Clients should be seen and not heard?

So isn’t it good to hear a client perspective?

Apparently not, if a small and bitter group of escort voices are the social media and blog police. Even if I am aware and respectful of the dynamics I described above, I am apparently not welcome at the conversation table and certainly not, under any circumstances, allowed to speak about sex-work. The catch-cry is that “only sex-workers can speak about sex-work!

On one level I get the point, there are certainly aspects that only sex-workers can speak about with expertise, but do we suggest that only police can talk about police-work? Can only politicians talk about politics? You get the point, every group, individual, interest, participant and worker all have a voice and in a democracy they should all be able to be heard.

In this blog, I am not speaking for clients, I am certainly not speaking for sex-workers in any way at all, I am only speaking for me. This is a beneficial part of my experience and for the moment an important personal outlet. It is open to anyone who wants to read it, agree, disagree, comment or respond. It is nothing significant in the scheme of things, but it has every right to be part of the dialogue, just as everyone else’s voice does too.

So why are almost all clients and most escorts silent on social media?

There are very few social media active clients. The limited number who are participants in the public dialogue feel very limited in what they can say, and in most cases are reduced to banal sycophantic fan-boy content – re-posting, liking and generalised support.

Those that are more vocal either have very thick skin, have developed a wit and banter that allows them to survive, or are widely disliked around the industry. There are no real free voices. Maybe this is a good thing, but if so, why are most of the independent escorts quiet as well?

Censorship and peer pressure?

If you ignore social media that is only for basic escort marketing, peer support and notifications, then the majority of independent escorts are silent in public communication channels. Again not necessarily a bad thing, it’s more work for them to spend time in these channels after all, but what happens to those escorts that actually enjoy social media and stating their opinion and discussing experiences? What happens to them more specifically if they have a viewpoint that is slightly unusual or differs from that of many of their peers? Do they have a right to free speech or should they be silence by attack from others?

This more outspoken group that are still here are in rapid decline. Compared to two years ago, or a year ago, most active accounts are less active, post less and are more generic in the content that they publish. Those that are still ‘keeping it real’ with individual content and ‘god-forbid’ opinion, are often forced into defensive stances and other behaviours that are akin to being ‘under siege’. Who are they under siege from? It is certainly not the general public in this case.

The level of industry self-censorship is disconcertingly high and seems to be getting worse. I am going to end this train of thought here for your consideration – it is a matter of course for each participant, escort or client, individually to determine their own position. It is enough for me to say that I am staying, I hopefully won’t be ‘dropping dead’ anytime soon. With respect and admiration, I am going to continue to say what I think as it relates to my individual journey and demonstrates respect to all of the other participants – workers and their clients.

May 2018 article update.

With legislation changes in the USA that have had global impact, and with a changing world environment around news and truth, it seems things are getting worse if you want to speak about these topics.

It’s not just these changes, the industry and participants seem to be even more under siege, even more fearful, even more likely not to speak opinions, explore topics and try and share information, learning, experiences and fun. I don’t have any answers to this phase and the challenges everyone faces. The only thing I can do is continue to express my opinions, listen to others with respect and try and show everyone, governments and individuals, haters and friends, that free speech is important.

 

Thanks for your readership, thanks for sticking with me. I would love to continue to hear your views and comments. Thanks also to Jeff, Ad, Peter, BB and Bella who commented on the first version of this article.

Xx SP 5 April 2017 (article updated 21 May 2017 and again 30 May 2018).

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Escort Relationship Breakdowns

Escort-client connections are still relationships and they end.

Ending longstanding escort-client connections.

One day, the escort or client will retire from their participation in the industry, however most connections won’t last until anywhere near that natural end.

Sometimes the ending of a regular and repeat connection is easy, sometimes it has a great deal of pain attached. The sad truth is that they all end.

A run of endings.

For a long time I didn’t experience or appreciate that the connections I was making would end. Of course I had the once only bookings I spoke about in my article Single Booking Sadness, but here I’m talking about escorts I had seen at least half-a-dozen times and felt a strong connection with. In the early days, they just seemed like they would roll on, continuing to deepen and grow. Wow, how naive was I?

Then it happened, my first ‘escort breakup’, then another, then another and you guessed it, then another. So why does this happen, what does it mean and what should be done about it?

The common denominator!

I am the common factor in my relationships, just as you are in yours. Four types of factors or groups of things seemed to happen that caused these enjoyable regular or repeat experiences to come to an end.

The logic of availability.

Firstly the rules of the universe intervened – the rules of time and maths. Early on, these relationships were new and the number of bookings we had shared together was small. As I moved through my second year as a client, I had more ‘regulars’ than was realistically manageable, and the length of these relationships had hit a point where any issues we may have with ongoing compatibility became revealed, exposed and ultimately actioned.

I couldn’t keep seeing all of the same regular escorts, and in some cases our relationships had gone as far as they ever would, and were in fact now decaying. The first of these regular connections to end hurt more as a result of shock and learning, than any deeper emotional hurt, and I guess now that I understand that if a client or escort is around for the long-haul, then this clearing and changing is a natural part of this weird but wonderful world.

Escort shut-down.

If the first reason for ending was more about my decisions on who to keep seeing, then this second group of endings is more about the Escort making their choice on who to continue receiving bookings from.

There are many ways that this can happen, and the ones that I have experienced felt to me, the client, as things like, the Escort being non-responsive, money-grabbing opportunism, coldness and other forms of shifting to exceptionally hard business shown over the softer companionship that was often a part of the earlier bookings with the same escort when the connection was building not decaying.

It really doesn’t matter what the example or the reason, one way or another the escort either decided to limit availability, close contact, be much harsher, or favour short-term financial outcomes over a continued longer relationship. The effect is the same, the escort decided that I wasn’t for them as part of their regular client cohort. As we all know, it doesn’t matter who pulls the trigger on a ‘separation’, it can hurt almost as much either way – whether you end it or they do.

There is a particular ‘hurt’ though, when you learn that someone won’t see you even if you are an OK client and you are willing to pay. Being rejected after being close at a past point in time, and when your payment history and other factors are all reasonable, can be a bitter pill to swallow at times.

Client actions.

On top of these client led selections and escort triggered exits, I had my own additional cocktail of triggers that caused an end in proceedings. For a few months (OK, maybe a year or more), I wasn’t my relatively happy-go-lucky self. Let’s just say I had family, work and other ‘real-life’ drama that put me in a low place – a more needy, sad, insecure and unhappy place. In a weakened emotional position, we take actions that are not always ideal.

This is the category of client instability and unsuitability, it captures a lot of territory. For me, I am not talking about anything financial, violent, unclean or otherwise unsavory, I was just overly stressed and needy. As a result, I was looking for support in my life and this included testing my escort relationships for support – subconsciously asking for more emotional connection than I deserved from these financial transactions.

To my eternal good fortune, a few escorts were kind enough and close enough to offer me this ‘beyond the work’ emotional support. Thank you so much! The rest, as you would expect, didn’t, it was a ‘step too far’ in the Girlfriend experience, and that was fair enough. Cutting a client loose can be done with good grace, it can be done with venom, and it can even be done with shame, embarrassment and public gossip.

Those that cut me down hard and with venom, I will gladly not see again, there are some nasty escorts around. Those that effectively said, sorry, but you’re not for me at the moment, I will happily see again, recommend to others and appreciate their professionalism and boundaries. Those that helped me, I owe so much, and without changing any of their professional boundaries required for their business, I also count as friends. When you get into long-standing regular escort-client relationships, the decisions become unique, individual and highly personal.

Escort actions.

There are also unusual, needy and other personal escort actions that can cause break-ups. This, like my story above, is too broad and personal a range of things to be listed. Suffice to say that I have experienced some behaviours that I don’t understand and the results need to be considered as the personal and private reasons of the escort. They may be rational or they may not, but when either party, client or escort says that it is over – then it’s over.

There are other reasons too, but escort or client, if you are here for a while, breakups are part of the territory. Some hurt, some don’t, some are necessary some are not. The connections that survive this strange and wonderful world are rare, very rare, and nothing less than minor miracles.

I would love your thoughts and thanks for reading my work.

Xx SP 1 April 2017 (article updated 19 May 2017 and again 23 May 2018).

Featured

Percie the Escort

Providing intimacy for someone else …

What is it like to ‘turn the tables’? This is the tale of the day that Percie was fortunate enough, to get a small taste of what it might be like, to be a male Escort. Possibly a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be the provider of intimacy for a female client.

Now before everyone gets their ‘knickers in a twist’, no one is suggesting that this is an authentic account of what being a male Escort is like. For one thing, I don’t have what it takes. It is however the true account of what it feels like for a long-standing client of escorts, to come as close to a ‘role change’ as possible, for a single experience. It didn’t teach me what it is like to be a male Escort, but it did teach me some other very interesting lessons.

PercieGifts

So How Did This Experience Come About?

It began on Twitter. Isabella Lawrence @SensualIsabella and I had been connected on Twitter for some time. When I started blogging, I began getting comments, both public and private from Isabella about the articles I was writing. I don’t think she liked my blog very much at the start, and was harsh but helpful on some of my naive early client views. Isabella is a writer as well, and has a lovely style and very interesting blog. We chatted in Twitter Private Messages (PMs) and started sharing part of our stories with each other and a connection built. I think she started to like me a little and I liked her, and our communications grew in frequency.

As a result, we agreed that when I was planning to be in Queensland later in the year, we would catch up for a coffee. We would meet face-to-face for the first time, discuss our mutual interests, our blog writing, and get to know each other a little better. Isabella and I had discovered that our other areas of work overlapped in the same professional field, and we started comparing notes, stories and even some professional support as part of our growing connection. We discussed what form the Queensland meeting would take, and settled on a companionship booking and either lunch or dinner – I would be the client obviously.

Then in mid-year, Isabella announced that she would be coming to Sydney for a visit. The visit was connected to both her escorting work and her other professional activities. Given our recent dialogue around her other professional field, we discussed the possibility of moving our first meeting forward, and grabbing a much earlier chance for a face-to-face meal in Sydney. Somewhere along the line, the conversation started to include joking banter about her booking me as her male companion for her upcoming Sydney business trip. A fun and unusual way of extracting some mentoring for her other work, and combining it with some personal intimacy. Initially it was a joke. In the early discussions, it was light-hearted ribbing and neither of us were taking it seriously, but it was a fun exchange and we both kept it going at different times.

I never believed that anyone would want to book me and pay me for intimacy. Isabella was having some fun, relieving boredom online, and I believe honestly letting me know that she was interested in taking our online conversation into a real-world one. In July, a month out from her Sydney visit, the joke become more serious and then a real conversation about logistics started to happen. How would it work in practice? Would it be OK? Would we both be comfortable with that dynamic? I was ‘sh^t scared to be honest, and I imagine that her own nerves and anxiety at the plan of booking me as her male companion were heightened as well. Suddenly we both agreed it would go ahead as a lunch booking on the 3rd of August, when we would both be in Sydney. It was locked in and it was going to happen.

SP-Prep

The Lead-Up To The Booking

We both nearly cancelled the idea on a number of occasions. Both of our insecurities were strong and laid bare. I didn’t know if I could play the part of a Male Escort. I didn’t have the physique, the skills, the youth, the Viagra or any idea, despite my significant experience as a client, on what I should do and how to do it. Isabella seemed to be concerned that she was not my type of Escort (or client), explaining that she was different to most of the Escorts that she had deduced I was booking. We both assured each other that there was no issue, and we had lovely exchanges of messages that reduced our mutual anxiety.

If we were going to do this, I wanted the experience to be as authentic as possible. I knew it was a sham of course, but I still wanted it to be a different and unique experience. It was a sham, because I knew her online, she wasn’t some unknown client with all of the uncertainty, risks and first meeting anonymity. I knew what she looked like, I knew she was a professional escort with all of the skills, comfort and easiness that would bring to the booking. It was a role-reversal pure and simple. I had to try and be the attentive provider, establishing my boundaries and rules, but still trying to live up to the wishes and dreams of my client. She was going to be able to play the client, deciding what she wanted from the booking and letting me know what her desires were and how I could try and satisfy them. At one point she joked that she could play the part of a deliberately difficult client, if I really wanted to see ‘authentic’. That alone was an arousing and intriguing thing. Could I satisfy my client, even if it was more act than reality, especially if they were making it challenging for me?

I went and purchased condoms, lube and other paraphernalia. I had a haircut, purchased some new clothes and an ‘out-call’ bag. I always prepare for my bookings as a client, but I wanted to be the best provider that I could be, and I went to extra effort. It was all part of the fun, and it was also enjoyable to talk about the difference of this experience online. We slowly went from ‘keeping it quiet’ to sharing little bits and pieces of the lead up on Twitter. Isabella told me that if I was a ‘real Escort’, I would need a profile. So I made one up, sent it to her and then posted a version of it on Twitter as well.

PB-Bio

The Booking – Lunch

I arrived at my hotel in the morning and my room wasn’t ready. I needed to get in, shower, put my long planed preparation in place and be calm and ready. I had organised an early check-in, but the last guest had held everything up by leaving late. My first real lesson came at that point. I was so much more anxious. I couldn’t message my Escort and say lets meet somewhere else, or the room isn’t ready yet. I was the provider, it needed to be perfect and I didn’t want my first thing to be an excuse about a problem caused by someone else. I begged and argued and finally got into my room, with 20-minutes before I needed to leave for lunch. It was far more stressful than being the client and just updating an Escort on external problems – I didn’t want any external problems, I wanted to be the perfect companion and be ready and on time.

I arrived at our lunch at the agreed time, just, it was a close thing. Isabella was already at Rockpool in Sydney and she got up to greet me. I nearly tripped on a chair and it spoiled my planned introduction. I could feel little glossy sweat beads starting to form on my forehead, from the really strong nerves I was feeling. We sat and I hid my hands under the table to try and remain cool and look as relaxed and debonair as I could manage. We broke the ice quickly. It was an easy conversation, with lots of laughing and it was all wonderful and amazingly natural. I did start to forget that I was meant to be ‘providing’ the companionship. Isabella is a natural and an amazing conversationalist, so this was hardly an authentic experience of having to work hard to get a conversation going, or find common ground, or deal with the menu and fine dining issues of someone less experienced. Anyone dining with Isabella is in for a great time – and we sure had a great time.

My only lesson or difference of experience here, apart from the opening nerves, was a surprising one. It was something I should have realised, but it caught me completely by surprise. I wasn’t paying for the lunch, so all of a sudden intense anxiety hit me about what was the right approach to ordering – did I need to go cheap, mid-range or take Isabella’s offer, the same one that I make all the time, have whatever you want. I went mid-range with the meal and the wine, which at Rockpool is still an extravagance. It wasn’t exactly what I would have ordered if I was paying, especially the wine, but it was close. It made me wonder that when I said ‘have whatever you want’ to companions, how restrained were they really being? How were they making their judgements on what to order? How in future could I really, really convince them to relax and order whatever they really wanted to eat and drink and have a good time. This is a subtle difference between client and provider, but it surprised the hell out of me and made me angry at myself that I hadn’t thought of this difference before.

It was an amazing lunch, really first class and Isabella was magnificent. I hope that I managed to play the part of provider well enough. I did try and shut up about myself and listen more to her, ask her questions, and let her have the lunch conversation that she wanted, but hell, I’m a talker and it is hard to change that in one go. I think I did OK.

SP-View

The Booking – Dessert

We went back to the Shangri La hotel in a taxi, holding hands, continuing to laugh and taking our time as Isabella was recovering from a recent knee injury. I knew she was in a fair bit of pain, but she was pushing on. I was in a really comfortable place, and I was thinking to myself, I want to show Isabella the best possible time that I can. I know I can’t ‘rock someone’s world’ with professional male Escort skills, but I wanted to be intimate, be of service and make her feel good about inviting me.

Isabella had selected me. She actually wanted to meet me, see me, treat me and be intimate with me. That is amazingly special. It is hard even to write this, because it is making me emotional all over again. I have had girlfriends, been married, and even been propositioned for affairs (on very rare occasions), but I had never before had someone choose me in this way. It is nice when Escorts indicate that they are close to me and are happy to accept re-bookings. It does make me feel special as a client, but I am still paying to see them.

It is something else entirely for someone to actively choose me. I wonder now when I see aggressive complaining about minor client annoyances, happening on platforms like Twitter, whether these more seasoned professional Escorts remember, how few people actually get to be chosen in this way. I found it very special, humbling and fulfilling to have the feeling, even for just a moment of role-reversal, to be chosen to be someone’s paid companion.

Almost anyone can be a client. If they make the right approach, are decent, have the money and behave the right way, they can see amazing Escorts. Not many people can be Escorts. Develop a brand that has personal and intimate appeal, make others want them so badly that they will pay, over and over again, and often fall for them. It is special to be of service and to be wanted. Isabella made me feel so special, it is probably the most desired I have ever felt in my life. Someone wanted to be with me badly enough that they would pay me for the privilege. Even in the pretending of this, it was a special moment where I got lost in the role reversal and saw how much of a gift being desired is.

We spoke more. Isabella told me that there was no pressure, we didn’t have to go through with anything and we could just talk and have fun. We did a little of that of course, but I wanted to get intimate with my client for the day, and try and make her happy with me. I did OK again. I wish I had done better, but nerves and self-imposed pressure played their part. I was turned on and hard, no Viagra required, and was having a great time physically, but I admit it was lucky that Isabella was a professional. Despite our role-reversal, it was clear who was the novice (me) and who was the expert (Isabella).

SP-Wine

I don’t know how Escorts manage time, I was terrible. I had always intended to go over time, but I really had no idea, and hadn’t really prepared myself for being ‘on-the-ball’ with alarms, or a discrete clock, or some other way of knowing and managing the time. In the end, I left at close to 6pm, about 90-minutes more than our agreed 4-hour session. I was having a great time, I would have stayed longer, but you know, professional boundaries. Of course Isabella also let me stay until then, so she was cutting me some ‘rare experience’ slack as well. I had a wonderful afternoon, it was an amazing and unique experience, and in many ways it was really pure. Two people that thought they might get along, finding out that their expectations were right. I know Isabella will never book me again – I’m simply just not male Escort material, but I will book her. She is a wonderful Escort.

The Aftermath!

Isabella gave me a card, a gift (Whisky of course) and my fee, a once-only special ‘newby discount’ rate of $50 for what turned out to be a 6-hour lunch. Far more than I’m worth. That payment is “going straight to the pool-room” – framed and honoured. The one time that Percie was paid for sex, the day gravity turned up-side down, water ran up-hill and time went backwards. The day that Percie got to pretend to be a male Escort. Thank you Isabella for a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Now whether I had prepaid Isabella for this to be a role-play or not, really shouldn’t matter to anyone but us. Regardless of that, we both knew that this was pretend, a fabricated experience. Isabella is a professional escort, I am a client. That is the world and although this experience probably taught us both things, especially me, it wasn’t real. No one suggested that all of a sudden Percie was an escort, but despite that, Twitter went into a mini melt-down!

A number of our connections had been celebrating the lead-up, the fun and games of the preamble, and then the booking itself. We both left the day thinking that we had shared our wonderful experience with some of our Twitter buddies. The next morning was a different and nasty world. Apparently we had committed some huge offense against humanity. Some was directed at me, some at Isabella, we both got more than our fair share of haters. Apparently somehow we had disrespected the industry, some smack-in-the-face for struggling workers. It was said that my ego was running wild, that all of a sudden I thought of myself as some gun male Escort. Of course none of the haters asked, none of them discussed, and none of them tried to understand the story or even take a look at the lead-up. Since this was something different, they jumped in, with their own agenda, their own issues, and their own viciousness. A little Twitter campaign against Isabella, or me, or both of us ran for a few days.

The level of nastiness drove Isabella to an asthma attack and hospitalization. In my case, I am actually appreciative of the outcomes. It showed me some vicious people to avoid, it showed me some people that I thought would support me that didn’t, it showed me some that supported me privately, and it showed others that despite the significant personal risk to themselves, didn’t hesitate to jump in and support me. To those that sent me private well wishes, thank you so much. To those that put themselves on the line, I really don’t know how to thank you, or if I will ever be able to repay you – but I know who you are, I love you, and I saw first hand the quality of people that you are. Brave, lovely and like me, stupid enough to jump into social media storms, when far more sensible people would steer clear.

I’m not worried for me, but the malice directed to Isabella is unforgivable in my opinion. The people who complain about their own trolls, haters and aggressors that can hypocritically turn on a lovely and sensitive colleague – well I guess you know what I think. Somehow she is more forgiving of you than I am, so if you still think harm was done here, it was my doing and not hers.

I have this strange feeling of joy at the experience and meeting Isabella. Thankfulness at the insights and lessons that it taught me. Also some thankfulness in knowing who to trust and who not to trust. Plus residual surprise at how these crazy Twitter storms grow and progress, and who it is that seems to want to fuel them.

I am no Escort. I am a pretty simple average guy who is a client of sex workers. I write on the experience occasionally. I make mistakes, I have issues and I stuff up. This wasn’t one of those ‘stuff-ups’, it was always respectful of this industry and if anything, it has given me even more respect for the challenges of being an Escort – especially when solidarity and support within the community goes missing.

Update May 2018

For some reason, some people still have a problem with this whole idea and booking. No one actually wants to say it out in the open, or explain their specific issue. Why it is OK for an Escort to see what it is like to be a client, but clients are not allowed to be paid for sex or have anything like that experience. I missed the rule book on this and I still miss it. If one day I wanted to try my hand at being a mature aged Male Escort, surely a long history as a client would be of benefit. Anyway, perhaps I’m just engaging with troll and haters and perhaps most people see this for what it was – a one off experience and a bit of fun. It still gets me a lot of hate mail.

Thank you for reading. I hope that you can respect Isabella and leave her alone or show her your support. In my case, see this tale however you want. A fun role-play, an ego maniac client, a blight on the industry, or just a guy on a journey. It has cured me of thinking I can somehow get everyone to like me – that lesson alone was worth the experience. To Isabella my companion for the day, it was special, you are amazing, and I love you for being part of this with me. Thank you so much!

Xx SP 7 September 2017 (updated 22 May 2018).

Featured

My End of Summer

Saying goodbye to an escort that I love.

All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey …

My long, beautiful, magical summer has come to an end. Everyone remembers their first, but my first was no ordinary first. I met someone, by good fortune alone, that was my personal angel. An old, old soul, but a young spirit, and what is even better, she was a ‘dark angel’, who better to take me on a journey of adventure. A long, extended magical summer of love!

I don’t know if it is possible to fall in love at first sight, but when she first walked into my life, in her striped skirt and low-cut black top, I was unable to speak, transfixed and the image of that arrival is still burned into my mind. This somewhat shy, bubbly, giggling and strikingly beautiful young woman, with steel and determination underneath, put me at ease immediately. My love for her has grown ever since. It was always a stupid, foolish, impossible love, but it was and still is my love.

AutumnRoad2

Now it is over.

Behind me is a glorious summer of experiences with this amazing companion, thankfully it lasted a long time and for a while, I felt like it would never end. Now I stand looking at a colder, darker, less certain path ahead. I don’t have my ancient, soulful, dark angel to guide me with her light spirit and her joyous touch. In the past, her words and advice never failed to bring me happiness. Pushing me on to great experiences and profound joy. Now she is gone. I am not exaggerating the depth of these feelings, this period of time was perfection for me. Change often comes quickly, and my personal ‘summer’ with her is over.

From start to finish we had twenty-one bookings together, I know that isn’t a lot for some people, but it is for me. Almost one-hundred hours spent together in each other’s company, and other glorious exchanges and conversations in between, there was not a single bad minute. The only regrets I have are that I did not tell her how I felt more often, and as I was also learning, I made some mistakes that hurt my longest-lasting companion along the journey. She took my short-comings and my slip-ups in her stride, taught me, helped me, and most importantly forgave me – always with a softness and a grace that I hope I can learn to emulate one day.

What happened?

Her story is her own to tell, but it is a joyful end – she is moving on with her own journey in a positive way. Changing situations have brought our journey to a close and I am thankful that it is a happy parting. I can’t help but carry a broken heart at the moment – it comes from my own selfish loss of a connection that I had grown to depend upon far too much. Only now that it is gone, can I feel how deep it goes, it goes right to the core of my being. Those who know me, and some of you connected to me, you know that I have been a mess for a while – I am however moving forward in this new changed world, but at the moment, it is colder and darker one than before.

Others of you may see me as a tragic, naive and misguided figure. One of those lame, lonely punters who never got the joke, and fell for the illusions of the impossible, pretend fantasies that are created only within the confines of an escort booking. Stupidly thinking that something meaningful could remain outside of the paid experience. You are right – I am lonely, I am naive, and I am tragic. You can hate me if you want, that certainly does seem to be a thing that happens to me as a writer in this client-escort world, far more than I expected, but I am getting used to, even comfortable with that experience too. The good news for you, if you are upset by my illusion, is that this pathetic middle-aged man hurts, the escort is free, and there is no more annoying adoration that she has to handle from me. The ‘beauty’ is free and the ‘beast’ is locked in his own self-made cage.

If you are more sensitive to my perspective, and one of the people that cares a little for me, then please don’t worry, don’t feel bad, there is so much to be happy about. For one thing, I know that my ‘dark angel’ really does care deeply for me (of course others won’t believe that, but I know it in my heart). Our parting as absent friends, lets me look back on all of our experiences together, and there were so, so, many of them, with sublime joy. I will never forget this ‘first summer’ of mine, and that of course was the whole point of spending so much time with someone who was just perfect for me. I hope that she will remember with some fondness little parts of our experiences together too. I hope that in future she remembers me with one-hundredth of the intensity that I will remember her.

In addition, I have seen how many other people have a soft spot for me in their hearts. I have never been such an emotional mess before in my life, and one new experience for me, is seeing people step forward with love and care – that is such a gift. I am humbled and emotional about that too. Thank you my friends. There have been some amazingly lovely escorts, and some other contacts who know these feelings, who have helped drag me out of this low place in my life.

This period has been an emotional storm. Some other real-life dramas just happened to be playing out at the same time. Just to make sure that I never forget the depths of this period, I also mistakenly thought that a second escort that I love was disappearing from my life as well. My two impossible fantasies were disappearing at exactly the same time. For a short and sharp period, I felt as though I had been shot, stabbed and dropped into a well, and then it was sealed up over the top of me with no light coming in. It is amazing how you read (or misread) things when you are already down low. That light has returned, my darkest days are gone. What I know now most of all is how lucky, and I mean perhaps the luckiest man alive, I am to have seen the care of so many people, and still be left with the most wonderful memories of ‘days in the sun’ with my Dark Angel, my muse, and my font of adventure. I will always love her, but I can move on with memories of our amazing times together.

So where to from here?

Firstly I hope that her journey is so grand, so wonderful that it is deserving of her – I want everything in the world for her. I want more for her than anyone else I know outside of my own children. Secondly, I am happy! The road ahead is a little unclear, but I have people to hang onto, guide me, and be in my life for the next chapter – there will be another summer and it may not be that far away at all. If my Dark Angel returns, then I will always, always be here for her with open arms. I am also cherishing other people in my life too, who have already shown me the quality of their soul and the lightness of their spirit. This journey has shown me some amazing, loving and brilliant people that I also want to be in my life. I am moving towards them and I hope that they want me in their lives too.

For a little while I thought about my own ‘retirement’. I seriously contemplated giving up this journey, stopping writing this blog, leaving Twitter and trying some completely new and different chapter in my life. I don’t know how the future will play out, and I am far more impulsive and reactive at the moment than I would like – just another emotional work in progress for me as a growing and hurting person. For now I see this blog, and my increasing level of comfort with this crazy Percie Blakeney persona (me with another name) as a likely part of my next ‘summer’ – for now at least. Besides, I can’t mothball this crazy, weird blog yet, because the memories, threads and emotions of my Dark Angel are woven through its every page. I will remember my first escort forever, my first summer and the strength that was offered to me by others when the leaves turned brown. (OK now if you must play the song – here it is, or this ‘sketch version’ if you would prefer a good laugh).

The real song that tells the story of my companion, far better than this blog article does, is ‘Ride’ by Lana Del Rey, introduced to me by my Dark Angel herself. I highly recommend listening to it in full, loud and in a dark room. I can’t listen to it just at the moment without becoming a blubbering mess – I really have become an emotional wreck lately. I don’t even recognise myself sometimes, I like the new more emotionally connected me, but being so emotional can also be much harder at times.

There is a light ahead and it is getting stronger, but I will never forget how I got here. Thank you so much my love, I owe you everything! To those that are supporting me now, I love you, owe you and thank you so much too!

Epilogue One (September 2017 Update)

It has been four months since I last saw my Dark Angel, a tough four months. I don’t know how long it takes to ‘get over’ someone that you deeply care about, but it clearly isn’t four months. My Dark Angel is still teaching me things on this journey. Firstly, to leave this industry isn’t easy, and to do it so well takes real courage, determination and personal strength. I always knew that she was far stronger than me, but I doubt when it is time for me to ‘retire’ as a client, that I will be able to do it as cleanly, as courageously, and with as much grace and dignity as she was able to achieve.

It has also taught me that I need to change my perspective. I know my Dark Angel liked me, but as is the way of humans, we want our amazing moments to become ongoing connections. That can’t always happen! When someone changes their life and their connections, and their business, big things need to change. There is no doubt we shared amazing memories, but they had a time and a place, their day in the sun. Now we have both been forced to move on. Being a regular of a retired escort is a lonely place. What is true, is that an ‘ex-client’ needs to be completely out of the ‘ex-escort’s’ new life. It is a hard shift to accept and it has taken me four-months to realise that she isn’t just gone as a companion. I will never see her again.

These endings are hard endings and the contrast is so profoundly a shift from light to dark. Someone who is in your life one day, is gone forever. The amazing memories remain, but the ache of my soul to feel her in my life is yet to pass. I take her courage in leaving the industry as a beacon for me to keep up my courage in letting her go. At some point soon, I am going to need to rid myself of some of the reminders, because they are starting to hurt more in the moment, than the joy that comes from the memories that they trigger. I also owe the release of this part of my heart, and the attached melancholy, to the people who are still in my life and showing me such amazing times and even love as well. I need to ‘unlock’ myself again and be open in the way I was at the start of this journey. When down, it is easy to diminish other relationships and I need to be present in them and connect with those who want me in their lives.

I have heard briefly from my Dark Angel, enough for me to take satisfaction that her life is progressing as she would wish. That we have our own song too. Our song, as it is for many people no doubt, is Chelsea Hotel No 2, Lana Del Rey version of course. It is appropriate in so many ways. It ends with ‘to be honest, I don’t even think of you that often’, a lie sung by Leonard Cohen about his time with Janis Joplin. It will be a long time, before that line is true for me. Until then, I will show the courage my Dark Angel has and tell the world I have moved on.

For now, I am in a better place than I have been for a long time. My ‘muchness’ has returned and I am ‘in-the-moment’ with people who I adore, and who also want me in their life, as client, as friend, as someone who shares moments with them still. I am also going on a trip, some time for myself to recharge. Shed the last vestiges of this difficult year and make some new memories. Nothing about this farewell article has changed from the version in June to this epilogue in September, other than some personal growth, some hard lessons and a new commitment to be strong, enjoy the adventure and enrich some other people’s lives.

Epilogue Two (May 2018 Update)

This week (in May 2018) marks a year since I last saw my Dark Angel. I think for the first time in my life, I am learning how long it takes to move on when someone you deeply care about leaves your life, but is still out there somewhere. Well it’s a changing dynamic. I still have thoughts every day, but they are good memories. I give thanks that we had our time together, and a real desire to move on with the other people in my life who are very important to me.

It is only now, after a whole year, that I can truly admit to myself that I will never see her again and be OK with that. It’s not something that I like, of course I would love her in my life, but I have other amazing people in my life and I am looking ahead instead of behind. I once again believe my best days are ahead of me and not behind me. I can think with happiness on my memories and celebrate them. I will never forget my Dark Angel, but I will be OK without her. It has been a year and I am OK. I have moved on, grown, learned and processed the time we had together and the time apart.

Many people will quite rightly scorn at me for falling in love with an escort. It looks to all the world like naivety, breaking of boundaries, inappropriateness and all sorts of other ‘badness’. I never did anything with my feelings that would be considered inappropriate, other than have those feelings, live with them, and then learn to deal with them in her retirement. It does show how amazingly emotional and real the client-escort connection can be and how much it is charged with both positive and negative emotions and consequences. This is not an ‘entanglement free space’, at least not for me. I have however learned, that it is important to keep emotions managed on the journey and not just wait for the ‘train-wreck’ at the end. That is one more parting gift from my first companion.

Thank you my Dark Angel, one more time, “I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel”. I wish you every great thing in your life ahead and I know that it must be without me.

If you know or can guess the identity of this person, and the same applies with every article, please respect that this is meant to be anonymous and treat this as a work of fiction with fictional characters. Her story, her path, her future are her own. Please do not name her in any comments or social media.

Thank you so much everyone who has helped me – I don’t think you will ever know how much that means to me – I love so many of you (and now I have a thank-you page too). The richness, variety and lessons you give astound me so much – I can’t believe how much life I have discovered on this journey. Finally thank you again to the readers who put up with my silly blog. To the small few who really care for me, you know who you are, thank you so much – you have put my broken heart back together. I know many people hate hearing that the ‘paid escort-client’ relationships can be this rich and full of feeling – but they can and sometimes they are – and they can still be bounded by business and professional respect.

Xx SP 8 June 2017 (article updated 25 June 2017, 19 September 2017 and again 16 May 2018).

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How I (initially) choose an Escort?

What makes a client select an escort?

Thoughts on selecting an escort. How do I choose? How do you choose?

Well I have no idea how you make this very difficult choice. So this article will have to be about how I select an escort for a booking request. Hopefully that gets a few people talking, in social media or via comments, about your thoughts on this complicated decision. Originally, I called this article: Virtual, Physical and Cerebral … but that wasn’t a great title, so I have renamed this piece the obvious — How to choose an Escort?

There is a big difference between making a first-time booking and making a repeat booking, so I am going to try and cover a little of each. In the case of an initial booking, a client normally hasn’t met the escort, for this article I am going to call that a ‘virtual’ selection, since these days it is most likely the result of an entirely online discovery.

SelectionTropics

Virtual to Physical – meeting for the first time.

For most clients, I guess the process starts with some sort of ‘imagined scenario’ of what a first booking with a particular escort would be like. Since everyone’s ‘tastes’ are different, and people’s desires and imagination are so varied, clients are likely to differ significantly in their approach and the online method that works for them. So the process I am describing is one that seems to work for me, it is not a suggestion, and I am interested in what works for you.

It is probably a general truth that photos play the largest part in the initial ‘virtual’ selection. Sexual arousal for most men is very visual and it is not surprising that Escorts go to great lengths getting regular photo shoots and spending long periods of time deciding how to present themselves physically and what photos to show. At this point however, every potential client’s difference in what ‘works for them’ comes into play. I don’t have a particular preference for hair colour for example, although looking back I am about half blond and half brunette for bookings with a small number of redheads.

I am also not concerned about full-face or hidden-face. Although full-face makes it easier to make a selection, I fully respect escorts wanting to maintain as much privacy as possible. In this early selection stage, even with full-face, the prospective client still has to ‘imagine’ the booking and the escort. As a side note, it is rare to be disappointed on meeting an escort with a ‘hidden face’ profile, it is usually about privacy and not hiding features.

Making an initial selection.

It is an uncomfortable truth that at the beginning of a search, prospective clients are really browsing a ‘catalogue of escorts’. Whether the ‘punter’ (a name I dislike, but suits the ‘searching and gambling’ nature of this process) is utilizing the services of websites like Scarlet Blue (SB), Available Angels (AA), Punter Planet (PP), Private Girls (PG) or any of the other aggregating websites (some now defunct as a result of the unfortunate Sesta-Fosta consequences), or just making their own searches, it all starts with finding escorts that ‘appeal’ to the client. This is primarily a ‘how does the escort look’ decision.

My personal preference in Australia is Scarlet Blue, but I have reviewed and selected escort profiles from other sites as well. There are of course escorts with their own websites and active on social media, and there are approaches that don’t require the use of aggregator (industry) websites. I have seen escort’s personal websites, however I have normally discovered escorts from the industry websites named above, or from the social media posts of these same websites, when they progressively promote their advertising escorts. Or in my case from direct discovery on Twitter.

I realise there is a lot to say on this topic, so I will probably go into more detail on specific selection thinking in a future article. It is important to say that during this initial profile review, I am not interested in an escort’s rates (price) or their services. My first question is a simple one, do I find the escort physically attractive? Then, do I like what they say and how they describe themselves, including any insights that I can see from the escort’s social media and other clues, reviews (with lots of caution), personal preferences and the general style of their self-representation online.

In most cases I generally filter out escorts who say nothing about themselves and those who are too aggressive online. I look for communicative escorts who seem authentic and are not bitter or angry. I know this is still only an ‘impression’, but some escorts spend almost all of their online energy complaining about how awful clients are, and in some cases fighting with other sex-workers – well you get the point, I don’t book them.

Progressing to a booking request.

I expect that similar to me, most prospective clients look at many more profiles of Escorts than they actually make booking requests with. So once I have ‘selected an Escort’, what moves me to request a booking? In my case I am seeing less new escorts these days, because I want to re-book others I have seen before. Every so often however the adrenaline and the newness of a ‘first-time booking’ is attractive and I go down this road of discovery again. It is mostly about practicalities by this stage. Will the escort be in the same place (city) as me? What services do they provide and can I afford their rate? Have I already thought about booking them in the past, or heard another escort recommend them? These are all significant factors that come together as part of a complicated personal set of considerations.

There is lots that I could say on services and rates – topics for another time. For me it is simply this, do the services indicate I can book a date that will match my preferences.

As a longer, dinner-date kind-of-guy, I am looking for indications that this is also an enjoyed booking format for the escort. I am not bothered by covered or uncovered, but I am likely to avoid escorts that are more focused on short-bookings, primarily PSE or other combinations that suggest a dinner-date GFE is likely to be less comfortable for them (and therefore for me as well).

I don’t care if the escort does porn or not, just whether when in their ‘escort mode’ they have a service offering that suits my preferences. Then I make a rate decision, this clearly (and sometimes sadly) knocks out a number of choices, as we all have our own comfort range for anything that we buy, just as every escort has their own pricing decision as a result of a large number of personal and market factors.

When rate ‘mismatch’ is the filter.

I know some prospective clients may look for ‘promotions’, or try to negotiate a ‘special rate’, or in severe cases, criticize the escort publicly or privately for her ‘supposedly high rate’ (in their opinion). None of these are appropriate client options in my personal view. I don’t take promotional rates any more. The problem is that if I really like the escort (and why would I be meeting an escort that I did not hope to like), then I am going to have a rate problem in the future.

I also hate negotiating rates, it actually makes me feel sleazy (OK, you can say sleazier if you want to be mean) and I think that it creates an instant reduction in the satisfaction of both the escort and therefore ultimately the client too. I have negotiated ‘unusual date formats’ in the past, but even in these special circumstances, I am now avoiding the negotiation of rates for any type of booking. So that means a rate either works or it doesn’t. It also means I am extremely unlikely to tell an escort that ‘the rate doesn’t work’ for me. I just move on to a different decision.

I guess it is something that every escort (like every business) would love to know – how many bookings and from what type of customer would they get as a result of different rate choices? A crystal ball would be wonderful! I am very happy for escorts who are more successful than I can afford, but for my bookings, that means I have to move on to another escort that I wish to meet who is within my affordability (probably better described as ‘comfort’) range.

A thought for escorts considering their rates, if you are starting out or not getting the volume that you want, maybe you made a poor rate choice. Clients like me are unlikely to tell you and you either get the volume that suits the rate or the clients who love to negotiate a deal. Of course if you are getting too many booking enquiries, then you know what to do. If that prices me out of being able to book you, then I will still be the first to congratulate you on your business success. I am in the same position in my career – some customers can’t afford me and some competitors charge more than me. That’s life and business.

So if everything matches, then when an opportunity presents itself, I will enquire for a booking – that process is also too big a topic to cover here, again a topic for another day. Another worthwhile note here, if I intend to book an escort in the future, then I don’t feel guilty engaging with them in social media. If that escort rejects me in social media (for example as a time waster), then I will move on to someone who has treated me more kindly prior to our first meeting.

Physical to Cerebral – meeting for the second time (and beyond).

All of the above relates to first bookings only. Once you have seen someone, the dynamic changes to something completely different. New photos, new bio, reviews by other clients and for the most part public social media are no longer part of the booking process, it is primarily about how our past bookings went, and how the communication between bookings supports re-booking and ultimately regular booking.

I know some escorts have calendars made up almost entirely of re-bookings and as a result can ease back on their public marketing and advertising. I know others who, for whatever reason, have largely new clients. Some of this will be about choice, part of it may be that some escorts are better at winning new clients and some are better at holding on to the ones they have. I know which group of escorts I prefer to see, but any combination is a legitimate business model and will appeal to certain clients. If an Escort’s business model and desired client base are a perfect match – then that is a wonderful thing. Another day I will explore what makes me re-book and why I see certain escorts as regulars, again those dynamics work for me but may not work for others. To be honest, as some of my articles show, it doesn’t always work for me – we are all learning and we are all changing.

Eventually the marketing (virtual online aspect) gives way to an ongoing escort-client relationship that is the same as any ongoing connection between two people (or a business and its customers) – it depends on both parties getting what they need from the relationship and that is the interesting part, what a client needs varies enormously and so does what an escort needs (after the obvious need to earn a living).

I believe pure physical appeal starts to give way very quickly to other things. In my case, that is a complex list but comes down to ‘how well we click’. How much do I strongly desire to see someone again, that I have enjoyed their company and want to have more moments with, someone that I am starting to think of as more of an ‘occasional friend and desired lover’, than an Escort on some industry list.

How do you make this difficult and complicated choice?

Thank you for your readership. Your thoughts, comments and article sharing are all greatly appreciated.

Xx SP 20 March 2017 (article updated 11 May 2017 and again on 18 May 2018).

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Sex and Guilt

Buying sex and dealing with associated guilt.

Client guilt, the dark-side of seeing escorts.

Get over it! Guilt is the most useless emotion. Guilt is anger directed at ourselves. Guilt is to the spirit, what pain is to the body. Forgive yourself, guilt helps nobody. I’m sure you, like me, have heard similar quotes on the subject of guilt.

Every client wants to rid themselves of guilt and embrace the pleasure and enjoyment they seek when buying the services of an escort. However guilt is a sneaky and invasive feeling, shaking it isn’t always that easy to do. So why do I feel guilt and what should I do about it?

GuiltShot2

So where is my guilt coming from?

Well that is a very long list, summed up by the cheeky T-shirt above. (one of my all time favorite photos – can you imagine how great it was, a regular of mine agreeing to wear this for a photo – OK, getting distracted). Here are a few of the obvious sources: I’m deceptive and breaking trust in a monogamous relationship. I have daughters who wouldn’t understand my secret life or sex-work in general. I’m buying intimacy from someone who would most likely not even notice me in the ‘normal’ world. I’m older, I’m spoilt, I’m selfish, I’m entitled, I’m wasting money that could do something far more meaningful in society. I’m a creepy client of sex-workers and other better men than me don’t need to buy this service. I’m needy, flawed, and insecure. That is just the start of the ‘hate-list’ I use against myself.

Worse than that, I may be self-destructive, seeking solace and comfort from an escort that can’t give the same to me in return (without being self-destructive in their own right). Clients often want to ‘suck up compassion’ and the poor empathetic escorts that give ‘too much’ of this support away, can do significant damage to their own psyche. The fact that I know this unhealthy dynamic exists, and yet I still desire real intimacy with many of the escorts that I meet, just makes me feel even more guilty for having these feelings and hopes. It is almost a vicious spiral, adding to all of the other causes of guilt. So as the T-shirt says, ‘I am a cunt’ (in the unfairly negative use of this word)!

Of course I didn’t even add that society hates us both – escort and client alike – if only they knew the level of guilt, shame and insecurity that can hit us. It’s not that we are ashamed of ‘buying sex’, or anything about sex-work – we are just generally ashamed of other aspects of ourselves. The mythical sexual freedom and indulgent debauchery that society may often imagine when picturing sex-work, probably isn’t anything like the world that they expect it is. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going back (it is amazing), but there is always a price to pay, and sometimes one of those prices is unfortunately guilt. Most of us have issues to deal with, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t on to a much better, free, and more contemporary reality.

So why do I continue to see escorts?

At TedX Sydney in 2016, Elise Payzan-Le Nestour (behavioural economist) said, “we are all greedy and lack self-control”. The smoker, gambler, drinker and even extreme athletes, vegans and religious zealots all know that their activity of choice has consequences both positive and negative – joy and despair. My initial decision was to seek joy in parts of my life that I felt I had lost, youth, intimacy, wild sex and even the adrenaline of secrecy and ‘seeing behind the curtain’ of social taboos.

Some of these reasons remain, but over time the reasons that I continuing to remain a ‘client of escorts’ have changed. There are now other reasons as well. Things like loving more than one person intimately, maintaining important connections, learning new things (both the salacious and the mundane) and having joyful, compressed and intense moments to look forward to in the future and then to savor secretly when looking back at my hidden past. I added an article specifically on ‘Staying in the Moment’ to look more specifically at this unique dynamic that exists in the escort-client world.

I actually feel quite sorry for people who do not have this amazing level of sexual and intimate experience in their lives. So those who give in to guilt and choose a different moral path, may not have to deal with the negative consequences, but they may be robbing their life of areas of fulfillment that they may regret. I believe that I would look back and regret aspects of my life, if I gave up on these amazing experiences.

I know I need the highs and lows to feel alive. My personal discovery in seeing escorts, is that a mundane, predictable and vanilla path is death, a zombie-like existence, that fails to see there is more joy to be had. This has led me to do many, many other new things, however seeing escorts is still my favorite part of a more vigorous, spontaneous and vibrant life.

How do escorts manifest and deal with guilt?

This will probably be material for a longer article in the future (if an escort or two would like to help me with the appropriate material). For now, it still needs to be placed within this discussion. Like clients, escorts are on their own journey of dealing with guilt. The sources, the resulting emotions, and the level of personal resolution changes from escort to escort and even from moment to moment with the same individual (clients as well). I have had moments when I felt I had ‘resolved the guilt’ and then it comes back and ‘bites-me-in-the-ass’ in unexpected ways.

I have been watching this play out with some escorts. In many social media conversations there is pressure to agree that guilt is bad, society has it all wrong and escorts are like the ‘mutant X-Men’ and the future of a liberated and sexually enlightened society. Wouldn’t it be nice to think that were true, and in some ways, I think that it is.

Some of the same voices however will then say that when they “retire, they wouldn’t see a man that has visited escorts”, often missing the guilt-laden irony in this statement. Some particularly smart escorts also experience guilt from their astute awareness that as advocates for feminism, their earning potential is still largely the result of residual patriarchal structures and ‘women as object’ thinking. This also causes guilt for me – as I support feminism but take advantage of the contradictions that allow me to book escorts.

Of course most of the guilt comes from us having difficulty escaping our upbringing, the standards of our families and friends, and the malicious attacks that come from an ignorant society with a mistaken view of sex-work. The social errors don’t really matter, as wrong or right, the sheer volume and persistence is a weight on client and escort alike. It scratches away at our insecure selves in those weak moments, and creates self-doubt, sadness and this most useless of all emotions – guilt.

What does it all mean?

So I don’t know what to do. Sometimes in the ten-seconds it takes to get a condom on, the guilt-laden doubts enter my head, and my penis goes into retreat. I win the battle more than the doubts do, and most times joyfulness ensues for a brief few hours, more than worthy of the financial cost, and an amazing memory is created. Of course later the guilt can return in what I guess we might call ‘post-booking melancholy’ (a topic I added after this original article was written).

As for the industry, we shouldn’t pretend that guilt doesn’t exist. Please don’t shame those who feel it more acutely than you, those who can’t be ‘out’ with their family and friends, and perhaps most of all: those of us compassionate clients should remember that in our own guilt, we need to be reinforcing to our wonderful supporting escorts that their choices are more than worthy too! Any guilt that they may feel should give way to the youthful, vigorous, spontaneous and vibrant life that they are providing to their clients, and hopefully they are fully able to enjoy this more vibrant and enriched life as well.

Guilt really is the most useless of emotions.

Xx SP 17 March 2017 (Happy St Patrick’s Day) (article updated 9 May 2017 and again on 7 May 2018)

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Loving an Escort

What happens when a client falls in love with an escort?

Falling for a sex-worker.

I have fallen in love with more than one escort, and I have strong ‘feelings of love’ for a few others as well. Maybe I fall in love easily, maybe I have just met amazing women, or maybe it is that clients fall in love with escorts far more frequently than many of us may think.

So what does it mean and how do you (OK, I mean me) manage this? It’s not like we’re about to run off into the sunset, these feelings need to be accepted, but they also need to be managed. Let’s take a look at the awkward topic of falling for an escort, complete with a few uncomfortable admissions from me.

CupidVenus

So is it really love?

Recently I was reading another wonderful blog by the amazing Sophia Duvall called ‘Minding your step: love and the escalator’, it was talking about how clients should try and “not overstep the emotional boundary while still engaging in intimacy”. It is an amazing piece, go and read it now if you want but please remember to come back. The article suggests ‘steps up a ‘virtual’ escalator’ as representing levels of relationship progression, and the idea of stopping at the appropriate ‘step’ or level for the nature of the relationship.

It is a great visual image of the natural increasing levels of intimacy that can and do occur, but also the need (or appropriateness) to stop at a certain position and ‘hold’ it there. We are all ‘trained’ to seek fully-expressed and singular love (the top of the escalator), instead of stopping at a particular place (on the escalator), and enjoying that place (for example a very close client-escort connection). I am going to refer to these ‘steps’ in a few different ways to illustrate my own ‘escalating intimacy’ and feelings with escorts, how these differ from other relationships, and how I have attempted to manage the feelings and the relationships.

Different types of love – climbing the steps.

We can use love in a broad sense. I love specific things about most of the escorts that I have met. Any combination of their beauty, youth, sexual freedom, skill, intelligence, style, smell, discreteness, honesty, humour and so on. You get the point, at one level we ‘love’ certain compartmentalized things. We all probably focus on something we ‘love’ about a person or a particular moment or memory as a focal point for building intimacy and connection.

Perhaps if enough of these ‘features of loving focus’ are present, it becomes overwhelming and we are effectively ascending the ‘virtual escalator’ and we find ourselves ‘in love’ with the whole package, the whole person captures our mind. We are in love with the person or some other collection of their attributes such as their ‘escort persona’, the ‘experience’ that they offer, or some other construction that is meaningful to us. We experience so many positive things that negatives are ignored and we ‘fall in love’ with the whole person.

Different barriers to love – stopping at a specific step.

In most client-escort relationships, there is a profound difference between the participants. Let’s be totally honest. One person is paying another for a connection that would be unlikely to exist without the financial incentive. The financial element is bridging a gap between ages, experiences, social confidence, society’s stereotypes of beauty, limitations in time and availability and other barriers. Money is bringing two people together who, for at least 9-times-in-every-10, would never get together intimately otherwise – that is why the escorting business exists.

The client wants the ‘service’ of the provider. For this reason, it is far more likely for clients to fall for escorts than escorts falling for clients (I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen, just that it would seem at slightly rarer). So the first barrier is that the client’s ‘love’ is very unlikely to be reciprocated by the escort. That is a good reason for every client to stop their ‘climb up the escalator’ before their protestations of love for an escort leave the escort with no choice but to end the connection due to the level of inappropriate intensity.

Clients at risk of fully developed ‘love’ for an escort need to find a way to accept the reality, enjoy the connection for what it is, and accept what is offered as sufficient. Let go of the dream and enjoy the wonders of the available reality. Pushing for more ‘steps up the escalator’ with someone who cannot ‘go any further’, will break the connection and destroy what level of returned intimacy is possible within the dynamics of a professional escort-client relationship. Don’t give away something great trying to drive it to a place that it simply cannot go.

My own journey.

I said as the ‘teaser’ at the start of this piece that I have fallen in love with more than one escort, and that is true enough. I am a long-way up that ‘escalator’ in these cases, far further up than the escorts that are the subject of my attention are in respect of their feelings for me. That ‘gap’ creates some issues. I am sure that they are concerned that I am too committed and of course for me, knowing that my ‘level’ cannot be returned creates some pain from the difference between my head and my heart. There is always a ‘gap’, between a client looking for intimacy and an ‘escort’ just wanting a good client, so these issues exist all the time. When the ‘gap’ becomes extreme, it can certainly trigger problems.

We all have our complicated psychology and the things that make us who we are. In some ways, I pine for my youth. In trying to capture as much of it as I can before it is gone for good, I love escorts in my ‘persona’ of reliving a lost past. I love them, because if I was twenty-years younger, I would ‘pull out all stops’ to try and build a relationship with them. The reason it is a ‘strange love’, is that I know that they are not going to ‘date’ me, I just want to imagine it while I’m in that mode of feeling young. If I was reliving my youth, my heart would ache to be their real-life lover. When I am out of that ‘mode’, I just hope for continued intimacy and friendship. I hope that they care about me just a fraction of how much I care about them and think of me from time-to-time.

There are some other escorts, slightly older but younger than me, that I would date if firstly my life circumstances allowed it, and secondly if I was to learn that they had any real feelings for me. This is really the ‘seed of love’, where you can see someone is compatible enough to want to explore where it might go – maybe a pathway to love and see if you can ‘climb the escalator’ together. Again there are barriers between the fantasy of seeing an escort and the harsh realities of life. In a different place and time, I would like to see where the road went if some of these ‘constructed dates’ became actual dates instead.

Then as I said earlier, there is love of features, aspects, experiences and other elements of the whole. I think any client who re-books an escort repeatedly, must at least love some aspect of that escort, the experience, or the resulting feelings. Whatever the trigger is, some ‘aspect of love’ and desire must remain to stimulate a need to reconnect and re-book. There are so many forms of love, and it is so intertwined with interpersonal need and intimacy, that it is always going to play some role within the client-escort dynamic.

Going all the way!

Sometimes however there is no stopping feelings, they grow and there is no preventing the ‘escalator’ from progressing all the way to the limit. If you are a client who is truly, madly, and deeply in love with a woman you met as an escort, there are really only three choices. Say nothing and learn to accept what you receive, pursue your love knowing the almost certain response is full rejection, or end the relationship to protect your own heart. None of these are good decisions, because in any case of unrequited love, the lover is always going to lose. “Loving is a losing game”, Amy Winehouse, but life without love is an empty life – just don’t expect to find it in the client-escort world – it is a ‘Unicorn’ (borrowed from the piece on ‘Chasing Unicorns’).

As I re-visit this article, events are transpiring that are further highlighting how deep these feelings go. A particular connection is coming to a close. I have held myself ‘on the escalator’ by sheer force of will and tried to “say little and accept what I received”, as a way of remaining connected, enjoying the relationship and preventing it collapsing under the pressure of the ‘gap’ between my feelings, and the limited amount of affection that can be returned by an escort. Now that it is ending, I don’t need to contain how strong these feeling are, the problem is that the result of ‘letting the constraints go’ is heartbreak. I am still too connected to what my escort-life persona wants, and I am going to find this relationship very painful to let go. The one constant note of joy, with me all the time, is that I was very, very lucky (profoundly blessed) to ever have this relationship in the first place.  

So many aspects of this topic have been left uncovered. It seems like I will also be able to write something on ‘Client Heartbreak’ at some point in the near future. Please add your comments, share, re-post and let me know what you think. Thank you Bella Skye and Will for your comments on the first version of this article. Thank you all for your readership and to those who just keep supporting this blog – I love you so much for your continued support.

Xx SP 28 April 2017 (updated 31 May 2017 and again on 6 May 2018). 

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Constructing a Dinner Date

The client-side anatomy of a ‘kick-ass’ dinner date.

A dinner-date is pretty easy, right?

Sure, intimate diners are happening everywhere, some go well, some go badly, but when you are taking an escort out on a dinner date, you hardly want it to go badly.

In fact normally you want it to be an amazing experience, and at least a quality one for the escort involved. If there is one date format that I think I’m starting to understand reasonably well, it is an escort-client dinner date. So what does one look like from a client perspective?

DinnerDetail

The set-up and booking.

There really is so much involved that this could be a very long blog if I get encyclopedic, so here are some basics that seem to work for me. First of all, who is coming to dinner? My view is generally someone you have seen before, although I break that rule myself regularly. Secondly, eat first and get to know each other, especially with new people, although I break that rule regularly as well. It can be nice eating after the bedroom escapades, especially with repeat bookings. Personally, I’m still undecided on what order is better – both can be great experiences and have their obvious benefits, so mix it up perhaps!

So the basics are, pick an escort that enjoys a dinner date, research what they like (food and drinks) and then book the best restaurant you can manage, ideally with the hotel room attached or in close proximity. Travel time is wasted time. Don’t skimp on dinner and drinks, you are making a memory for yourself as well as trying to give the escort a memorable experience, just as though you were on a real date. Perhaps even more so, as this is meant to be a fantasy experience after all. They may remember the dinner even if you, like me, are Mr Average in the bedroom. Everyone enjoys a great meal with great food, attentive service and great ambiance.

Preparation and planning for success.

Going to a known reliable restaurant is not a bad thing, although it needs to be mixed with changing things up, if it is somewhere you go to regularly. Other preparation may include gifts (although personally, gift giving is for me a far more complex discussion) and the general preparation for the evening. Escort, hotel and restaurant bookings should all be made in advance (and confirmed). Usually the more ‘advanced’ the restaurant booking, the better the table, but don’t be afraid to ask for something good.

I always try and have a text or message with the escort on the day, saying that I am looking forward to the dinner – which is always the truth. They may also have their own ‘confirmation’ process – make sure you complete it and are super-nice and well mannered in your communication. No one wants to enter an extended booking stressed or feeling slightly annoyed with their companion.

I always get to the ‘attached hotel’ or if that isn’t possible, where I am staying at least an hour before the date is due to start. I want to be freshly showered, smell good (not too over the top), have fresh breath, be well dressed, be relaxed, do a final review of the escort’s profile and make sure the room (and payment) is fully ready for the dinner and afterwards – music, lights, other drinks, ice, envelope and anything else that is part of the date. Make it special for you both and get the preparation done and finished.

Having the date play out.

So many possibilities, but here is some more advice. Be an attentive conversationalist, but also let the escort drive some or most of it, they are usually very good at dinner and at keeping conversation going. Let them drive the dinner as well, how many courses, what to order and most of the related decisions, unless they specifically ask you to decide. Short or long dinners are fine with me, as long as my dinner guest is happy with the end result and overall timing. Don’t set budget rules, most escorts won’t go crazy and make sure you tip well at the end – showing restaurant staff some generosity sends a pretty important signal and I believe that you should recognise great service in any case.

When you retire, let the escort drive the experience again. If the ‘business’ still needs to be sorted, do it immediately, it doesn’t matter how good the rapport, if the escort is still hanging out for payment, every passing second is reducing the ‘mood’ of the date. Do it nicely and do it immediately. Further drinks and relaxation (non-alcoholic if the escort doesn’t want to drink), a bit of continued conversation should all ease nicely into what else is to come. Handled well, by both client and escort, dinner dates in my view can be the ultimate format – sexy, relaxing, enjoyable and satisfying on so many levels. The balance of physical and conversational intimacy can be sublime.

Final thoughts.

You may have other privacy, secrecy and other considerations – take care of them as well. Interruptions, calls and other forms of disruption can happen in longer date formats, but do your best to avoid them. Your use of your phone will set a tone for the escort to maybe use (and check) theirs as well. I feel that taking photos and having a relaxed companion who isn’t stressing over what is happening on their phone is best, so some mobile use makes perfect sense. I must admit however, that lately I have noticed a growing trend of escorts to spend a lot of time on their phones during bookings, it is concerning and off-putting if it is taken to extremes, and can have a big impact on the quality of the date. Make sure you are not the one setting a negative tone for this. My attention is fully on the escort I am with for the duration of the date, sometimes their attention might drift, forgive them for this, as anything else just robs you of your own experience.

Not everyone can afford the cost of a dinner date. It isn’t just the extended booking, in addition the meal, hotel, drinks and associated costs can add up to a large amount. I never add this up, but some people don’t have that luxury. I would however suggest that if you can undertake this form of booking every now and again, do so, it is in my humble opinion the best mix of long and short bookings, and can make for a most amazing experience.

Some of my dinner dates will permanently reside in my memory among my all-time best moments. In fact I have discussed some of those memories in Degustation Dream and Harbour Lights – both simply perfect dinner bookings.

Dining with a beautiful and intelligent woman is a most wonderful experience.

Thank you readership. Thanks also Zoe and Anya for comments on the original version of this article. New thoughts, comments, insights and your own experiences much appreciated. Please share and comment if you feel inclined.

Xx SP 14 March 2017 (article updated 8 May 2017 and again on 6 May 2018).

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Hurt feelings

When I started, I never expected to hurt anyone’s feelings.

New world, strange expectations!

When I look back to the beginning of my own journey, for some reason I felt that the whole reason for seeing an escort was to avoid entanglement. Oh, and of course to see someone that you could never get to meet in real life. It was a very simplistic view of the escort world.

I didn’t expect that I would get hurt feelings. I certainly never expected that I would hurt anyone else’s feelings. In those early days, I foolishly believed that I wouldn’t have strong feelings for the escorts that I met, and it didn’t even enter my head, that a few escorts may have feelings for me too!

HotelRoom

A double life – you’re not a ‘muggle’ anymore.

So the first feelings hurt were my own. I have a slightly addictive personality as well as a typical male’s needy one. I also fall in love relatively easily.  That is a dangerous cocktail of emotional need, connection and human addiction. So when I first started re-booking and then seeing certain escorts regularly, their commentary about great bookings and their great clients hurt my ego a little – I wondered if my time with them would ever be remembered like that? I found out, that I had pretty strong feelings for some of these wonderful women.

Initially, I didn’t think that I wanted to be ‘special’ in their lives, but I found that was becoming increasingly important to me with some of the regular escorts I was seeing – and if I’m being honest, knowing that in a number of these cases, I wasn’t at all special to them, hurt! It hurt like a ‘mother-fucker’.

So to some degree, I got over this. I spent a long-time ‘smacking myself in the face’ with logic. To some degree this worked, I understood that just getting a little friendly message between bookings, or a slight overstay, or just general authentic and honest interest in my life and well-being (as well as being allowed to re-book of course), were all signals that I was at least an appreciated client, if not a favoured one. I took strength from those small but sweet gifts of attention and interest. What I still didn’t realise, in slightly hardening myself against the personal hurt, was that some of these escorts also had some feelings for me. Beyond the basic business of ‘playing the companion’, some of the escorts I met, actually liked me just a little.

Hurting an escort’s feelings.

Everyone is different and so is every escort. This is obvious but important, as everyone’s tolerance for pretty much anything is different. The idiot that I am, I thought that a professional escort would not be hurt by knowing that I was seeing other escorts, after all, they were seeing so many other men (and women). That idea, along with a number of others I held as a ‘newly-minted’ client, was wrong in a number of instances.

Many escorts like to ‘turn a blind eye’ to what their clients do when not with them, just as I liked to do the same in reverse. For some escorts, perhaps it comes down to professional competitiveness and business risk (loosing a client), for others however, it is a genuine human interconnection, and being aware of the truth (especially in detail) can hurt. It really doesn’t matter whether you are a client or an escort – feelings are feelings and they are not at all logical.

Maybe it is not always a deep hurt, but some pain and discomfort at least. I was unaware of this, as I was telling myself the ‘logical story’ that of course ‘why would any escort actually care for me’. In that ignorance, I was oblivious to the fact that the details of my other bookings, and certain escort-related actions, were hurting the feelings of some of the escorts to whom I had become the most connected with. I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I was mortified when I found out that I had.

The extreme cases.

Not only do I have strong feelings for a number of escorts that I have met, I may have actually fallen in love with more than one of them, a story that I added a specific blog article about called ‘Loving an Escort’ that goes into greater detail. I know that this level of feeling isn’t reciprocated, it isn’t even reasonable, and in many ways it could even be seen as creepy and very poor client behaviour – but I am just a human being with feelings that most of the time do what they will, whether I want them to or not.

All it really means in practice is that the ‘hurts’ are far stronger. It is very hard for any of us to feel forgotten, or hold a level of interest in someone that isn’t reciprocated. Often clients feel this, as a significant part of the whole industry is for clients to ‘experience’ what it is like to be with a Girlfriend (GFE bookings). If that ‘Girlfriend’ illusion is strong and residual (and let’s face it the best Escorts make your truly want to be their Boyfriend), it is difficult for clients watching as their ‘temporary Girlfriend’ goes about being a professional companion, marketing and promoting their business, their clients and their experiences. It can be even harder watching some escorts denounce clients in general as awful, tragic and broken people. It is even harder, when for whatever reason, they denounce you.

For me, the personal benefits of continuing to enjoy these relationships is more than worth the hurt. Some of the feelings need to be buried deep and not openly expressed – freaking someone out with adoration is only going to end the connection in most cases. The ‘heart wants what the heart wants’ but that doesn’t mean that you need to freak people out with it. Staying cool is a valuable skill but a hard lesson to learn. It is one that I am still on a journey to learning and a year after initially writing the article, I still can’t say I have mastered this.

A double life or a multiple life – what is the answer?

So coming back to the beginning, I went into being a client of escorts and started a ‘double-life’. I never thought that in the ‘client-world’, things would need to be further compartmentalized and that ‘secrets within secrets’ might become a requirement. I sometimes think that the only answer to avoiding ‘causing pain’ is to move into a ‘multiple-life’ of even greater division and secrecy – I am however not ready for that, it seems a step too far.

The alternative is to understand and even embrace that some level of pain goes along with joy, ecstasy and love. Maybe I need to feel pain to know that I’m alive, just as much as I need to experience the classically positive emotions. In fact we can’t really feel joy, love, happiness and ecstasy without it contrasting against other darker moments in our lives – light and shade.

Maybe some escorts need to realise this too. If they are feeling client induced pain from a strong connection, maybe that is a good thing. They are alive, the work has emotional meaning, and they probably have a client who is going to be around for a long time! Assuming that both can stay-in-the-moment and not expect or demand more from the connection than the other is willing or able to give. Of course I added a blog post on that thought too, called ‘Staying in the Moment’.

Being a regular client of amazing escorts isn’t the simple magical world that I thought it was, but I’m never going back to a ‘muggle’ life. Perhaps with the added layers and complexity it is an even better world.

Thank you for you readership. Please feel free to share, comment, disagree, I’m am always happy for your thoughts and input. Of course this is the view of one simple client, and I am not speaking for others. Thanks also for the comments on the original version of the article from Jack and Bella.

Xx SP 11 March 2017 (article updated 8 May 2017 and again 6 May 2018)

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Am I a time-waster?

What creates an online time-waster? Some thoughts …

It isn’t nice to be branded a time-waster!

Yet every client who spends time on social media will have been told, at one point or another, that they are a time-waster, some equivalent of “make a booking or get off social media” and stop engaging with ‘us’ here.

I know not every escort passes this judgement, but in dark moments and dark moods, or in the midst of a more disagreeable exchange with the truly nasty people out there on the Internet, it is easy to say … “punters who like using your free-time on social media go away, you are just wasting our time!”

TimeShot

Time-wasting and ‘pre-meeting’ social media connections.

In as much as my social media use can be considered typical, there are several reasons for me to be on Twitter and maintaining some contact (personal message, text and email) with certain escorts. Perhaps the best way to consider this is within ‘stages of connection’. What ‘steps’ are happening in the social media channels.

The first classical marketing stage would be awareness. A prospective client may become aware of an escort through any number of methods, including key websites such as Scarlet Blue, PP, AA and so on. Of course clients will be ‘aware’ faster if they are seeing posts from these sites in their social media feeds, and actually helping with awareness if they are re-posting or commenting on them, and thereby putting them in other people’s social feeds as well. This is especially the case since platforms like Twitter started ‘shadow-banning’ and in other ways hiding the content of Escorts and this industry.

After awareness comes consideration, would I like to meet? Some escorts believe clients should silently observe escort’s social media posts and make this decision by reading content alone – essentially stalk silently but don’t engage. The ‘dialogue’ between social media active clients and social media active escorts however can be part of the consideration process, not only for the ‘prospective client’ that is engaged, but also for others that are observing how Escorts interact with other prospective clients. In all honesty, I have gone ‘cold’ on the idea of meeting certain escorts when I see how they treat prospective clients and their fellow workers within social media channels. Rightly or wrongly, it is the feeling of ‘dodging a bullet’ in the same way workers feel when they avoid what looks like an apparent bad booking when a ‘jerk reveals their colours’ or treats another person badly on social media – it’s a two-way street.

‘Post-meeting’ social media connection.

Things can get even worse once a booking has happened. In the marketing area of post-purchase satisfaction, many clients (and possibly a few escorts as well) are looking for the ‘booking’ to be mentioned in some way. Personal messages, public messages, reviews and many other possible communication options send a signal. A client considering re-booking or becoming a regular may also be looking for cues, feedback and knowing more about the escort. Is there any signal that it was a ‘good booking’?

This can look like ‘time-wasting’ to everyone else not directly involved, and can even look like time-wasting to the escort in question. Public content also has the problem of clashing with straight marketing for new clients and also possibly with other trusted and loyal regulars – this area is a minefield. It may be complicated and need to fit with other requirements, but it shouldn’t be classed as time-wasting.

I don’t think there is an easy answer, but for anyone who thinks clients should ‘be seen and not heard’ and not be active in social media channels, perhaps consider that everyone has different communication needs and a different social interaction and the channels (talking mainly Twitter here) are themselves not meant to be one-sided or ‘out-of-bounds’ for any group in any part of the modern online social world. Although that is changing in this terrible new censorship era we seem to be heading into, where none of us may have a voice on public online channels for much longer if we keep letting politicians and platforms drive us back into the dark ages.

My time is my own to use as I wish and so is yours, if I am a time-waster for you, then don’t let me use your time, but don’t try and classify me for everyone else with a different view of the world, or people who know first-hand that I am not wasting their time. Just choose to use your time somewhere else. Un-following, blocking and muting would seem far better than insulting people online, just because your use and social media approach is different to someone else’s experience.

It isn’t you I’m saying this too anyway, as that audience probably wouldn’t have made it here to the end of the article anyway – or had already blocked me a long time ago. Your thoughts and experiences are most welcome.

Xx SP 9 March 2017 (article updated on 7 May 2017 and again on 6 May 2018).

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OMG Escort Rates

One client’s perspective on escort rates – yes I went there!

Don’t talk about rates! Pay what is asked!

These are the two golden rules of rates when it comes to clients and escorts. Don’t talk about rates, don’t talk about rates, don’t talk about rates! Pay what is asked or walk away!

So why, in only my second blog article, am I tackling possibly the most controversial topic of all? Plus why did I come back on 3 May 2017 and again on 6 May 2018, and add some additional edits to this article? Am I crazy?

MoneyRates

Rates from one clients perspective.

Perhaps the third rule is ‘don’t discuss what role rates play’ in the escort and client dynamic and client’s decision making process. Now here is some territory that perhaps isn’t that well understood, because we never really talk about it. So remembering that this is only my perspective, here we go …

Why does an escort charge a certain rate?

At some level this is market forces at work, the same as almost any service industry, but with some major differences. A client normally doesn’t know, and shouldn’t know the basis of an individual escort’s rate decisions. Maybe the escort only wants a certain volume of bookings and lifts their price to reduce quantity, as a result maximising their earning potential from a lower volume approach. Maybe it is the opposite, and rates are lower to maximise the quantity of bookings and win new clients in a full-time, higher volume approach. That decision is private and largely secret and there are many personal factors involved.

There are a huge number of personal and business reasons for choosing a particular set of rates and that is entirely up to the escort – end of discussion. Something many clients (a couple of my own very early mistakes included) take some time to learn. As a client, when you would like to see a particular escort, and feel that their rate is higher than your payment comfort level – walk away – seriously, walk away … it is the only option. Almost no discussion past this point ever ends well.

Why does a client choose to book at certain rate(s)?

Again this is private for many of the same reasons: volume, personal finances, preferred booking format (duration and type) and again a host of other private reasons. So all I can speak to is my own experience. Over time I have settled into a preferred booking type (duration) that I mix around a little for both new experiences and some variety. I also have a preferred pricing rate, or more accurately a pricing range, that again I play around with from time to time. I am fairly comfortable with where I fit, and the type of escorts that I generally like to see.

The reason for the ‘format’ preference is that it works best for my personality, desires and comfort within a booking. The reason for the rate-range is that it is where most of the escorts I see regularly price their service. Purchasing comfort, and after a while a sense of fairness and loyalty, as much as anything else, keeps me largely within that preferred rate range.

Everyone’s range and preference is different, and they shouldn’t be shamed, just as every escort’s rate can be different, and they shouldn’t be shamed or questioned either. Both the escort’s pricing decisions and the client’s buying decisions should be respected – where they match bookings should occur, and where they don’t match, bookings should not occur. It’s pretty simple at that level, when we keep entitlement, jealousy, competitiveness and other comparisons out of the mix and decision process.

What are the signals given by rate choices?

There are however many signals given to prospective clients by selecting certain rates and rate structures. I say prospective clients, because rates are part of the escort’s ‘marketing mix’ before a client has seen that escort. After the first meeting, the price may be a future barrier or incentive to re-booking, but it isn’t simply about first-booking marketing any more. For prospective clients, the time lengths and booking selections on offer and their price differences ‘say something’ about the escort, their preferences and ‘booking type’ fit. Here are a couple of over-simplified examples.

If an escort has a reducing scale for longer bookings it tends to signal a preference for longer dates (compared to more hours being on the same unchanging hourly rate). If a dinner booking is significantly less than the same number of hours for a comparable straight booking, then it would seem to signal that dinner bookings are a preferred, or at least enjoyed booking type (especially if the escort says as much and talks about food and dining in their profile). If overnight and weekend rates have a significant reduction on the base hourly rate, then once again a signal is sent. This may not be true or even the deliberate intention of the escort, but it is the signal that is sent to a potential first time client in any case. These pricing signals combine with photos, bios, social media and other elements in the client’s selection of who they are going to try and book.

Value and cost, or if you prefer, the apparent hierarchy of escort rates?

This is possibly where most of the angst about rates comes from – what is an escort worth? How do they compare? What does a higher rate buy? I don’t like or even agree with any of these questions for the following reasons that I hope are obvious.

The escort-client booking is almost unique compared to most other financial transactions. The difference between a good experience and a bad experience is as far apart as any service can be. A client can spend the same amount of money with two escorts and have, in one case the best experience of their life, and in the other case an experience they would wish to forget – one is priceless, the other (at best) is a waste of money. For an escort, the gulf between good and bad is even more profound – it is the enormous gap between an enjoyable connection and putting their life at risk – the full range of possibilities that exist in human interaction, one is relatively easy money and the other is not worth any amount of money.

Put another way, one extreme asks the question – why wouldn’t everyone want to do this as a profession? The other extreme – why would anyone do this with such great potential risk attached? This dialogue leads into perceptions, society, bad clients, good clients, sexism and a host of topics for another time (which as at the time of updating this article over a year later, I still haven’t had the courage to tackle that many of these sensitive areas). Within these ranges, talk of ‘is it worth the money’ is almost nonsensical. Personally I have had many experiences that I will never forget and I have also had one or two rare ones, that I wish I had forgotten already – at those extremes, the value for money conversation makes no sense at all.

An escort is worth far more than their rate.

The range of experience and quality has very little to do with pricing and rate. It also varies enormously between one encounter where there is a good connection and another encounter where the client and escort simply don’t ‘click’. Depending upon needs, connection and a host of non-monetary ‘compatibility’ elements, the connection between escort and client is largely independent of rate. My experiences do not correlate at all with rate. I have had mind-blowing bookings with ‘lower-rate’ escorts and not-so-great ones with ‘higher-rate’ escorts. Really after the booking is made, a client should try and forget the rate and enjoy the ‘date’ as by that point, the amount spent has lost any relevance on the experience. The trick is finding where the balance lies and then sticking with it as much as possible – specifically the dynamic of ‘regulars’ (a topic I covered after this initial article, looking at rates and the impact on maintaining ongoing ‘regular’ client-escort connections).

So an escort chooses their rate as an earning and business decision, it is not a reflection of their value – any quality escort is ‘worth’ so much more than their ‘rate’. An escort is selling a service, provided personally for a set time – they are not selling themselves and as a result the rate is their pricing on the value of their service, it is not their personal value.

For a client, their spending rate is also a capacity and personal decision, it should not be seen as stating or inferring value and a good client knows that they are getting more than their money is worth, and for that reason, clients should ‘add value’ to the date. Clients should ‘bring additional value’ with manners, a nice environment, being at our best (attire, hygiene, cleanliness, sober and in a good frame-of-mind) and anything else that shows real value for another human being’s time, where money does not. Clients who think about ‘giving more than their money’ are generally going to get a far better experience, and the value and enjoyment is increased for both the client and escort alike.

More to say?

I had hoped to get into regulars, rate changes, discounting, gifts and other connected topics, but this is already too long an article, so more another day. A little of this was added later under ‘Discounts, promos and rates’ if you are interested in that follow up article. Obviously I am interested in your comments and thoughts. This is only my view, so please don’t get into heated debate. I am only speaking for myself and my experience, not for every client and certainly not for escorts – please add your perspective here in comments if you want or through discussion on Twitter.

Thanks so much for your readership!

Xx SP 7 March 2017 (article updated 3 May 2017 and again when republished on 6 May 2018).

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Making it Regular

Building a regular client-escort relationship. Some thoughts …

Dynamics of more regular client-escort relationships.

If you’ve been a client of escorts for any length of time, you will probably end up with a regular companion (or possibly more than one regular escort). Every successful escort is also more than likely to have their core group of regular clients as well.

Maintaining this connection should be enjoyable, fulfilling and highly desirable for both parties, it can also be a huge challenge. This article starts an exploration of the topic of ‘regulars’.

KitKats

So who chooses to make it a ‘regular’ situation?

Perhaps the general thinking is that it is the client. The client makes a ‘first-booking’ decision, finding an escort that works for them in whatever way is important, and then continues over time to make further repeat, and ultimately regular bookings with this preferred companion.

I think however that astute escorts should also (and do also) play perhaps the major role in this dynamic, effectively choosing the clients that they would ‘like’ as regulars and then making it appealing for these clients to ‘stick’ in a regular booking relationship for as long as it lasts. The dynamic is a mutual one.

We can’t all be regulars! There is maths involved in availability.

Many clients make multiple bookings. For escorts, winning these new clients (in the marketing sense) can be hard work, and the idea of developing a cohort of established, regular and financially valuable clients makes a sensible part of any business strategy. So a successful escort, attracting clients and making the volume of bookings that they want, may ultimately have a quantity of regular clients that makes sense for their individual business model.

These regulars can be ‘chosen’ at random, as the end result of clients choosing, of their own accord, who they want to ‘repeat book’. Alternatively, an escort can play a role in choosing the ‘type of client’ that they want as one of their regulars. After all we can all only have so many regulars, so it makes sense for all involved to participate actively in this ‘choice’. An escort should maximise her business for the best possible fit and results, and ‘choose’ the clients that best make this happen for them.

How do we choose each other as regulars?

Perhaps I am not as good a client as I think, but my experience is that there is rarely any incentive offered by most escorts to ‘hold’ regular clients – at least from my observation and discussions. I am not talking about special deals, discount-pricing or ‘frequent flyer’ type arrangements, I am simply talking about classical ‘client relationship’ hooks. Special communication, notification of availability and desire to ‘catch-up’, small signs of appreciation, ideas for future bookings and any extra dose of incentive, matched to the escorts individuality, that will hold the attention of a client they would like as a regular over the competing forces in the industry that may ‘drag them away’.

(Update note (April 2018): this is not really true for me anymore. I have some regulars who go to great effort to understand me, be kind to me, and work together on our booking plans. It isn’t about discounts or special-deals, it just about each of us making the other feel special. So I am hooked of course and hopefully they don’t mind me as a client. I guess the editorial note here, is that this takes some time – for example the time since I first wrote this article more than a year ago.)

After all, holding a regular and reliable client makes business sense – it is by definition generally more reliable, safer, easier (if the selection is right) and hopefully more mutually enjoyable.

So why does this fail so often?

I’m still getting my head around this and there is clearly no single reason. The obvious reasons include clients and escorts retiring or changing their habits, desires or any other aspect of their ‘way of operating’. Financial situations change, successful escorts may ‘price themselves’ out of a former regular’s financial capacity or other financial details may change. People grow apart, or things do not ‘improve’, even in the unusual client-escort relationship world, relationship dynamics happen.

There is also the whole industry force of ‘swapping’ – the client finds a new favorite or the reverse happens and the escort has a new, preferred group of regular clientèle. The group of forces that perhaps intrigue me more, are even more subversive, sub-conscious and oh so human. I’m calling these reasons for the failure of regular ‘client-escort’ relationships … The Test!

So what is The Test?

We all know something about clients ‘choosing’ particular escorts for the first time and also the screening and other reverse ‘selection’ or perhaps more appropriately ‘approval’ processes that escorts use in varying ways. Far less discussion exists around what happens in terms of ‘additional filtering and selection’ in later dates. I have come, for simplicity’s sake, to call this The Test.

It can be anything. It is also generally administered by both the escort and the client (usually very differently and at different times), but it is almost always to ‘test’ that there is a regular relationship and it is most likely not even a conscious act. A client may ask for a favour, expect more time, something to be said, a special thank-you or just be surprisingly obnoxious (probably without realizing it) hoping to not be ‘rejected’ … a test that happens in many relationships. What the client is looking for, is some sign from the escort that they have a ‘special’ relationship, that their connection can survive the occasional ‘bump in the road’. Unfortunately, all to often, they can’t.

If the client, doesn’t get a sign, or worse yet a degradation in the relationship, it is likely that there won’t be many more bookings. This isn’t restricted to clients. Escorts may also ‘test a client’, to see if they are ‘above others’ in the mind of the client and similar unusual behaviours may be sub-consciously conducted to see ‘will my regular still re-book’ and therefore is our relationship more special and durable than others. These are self-destructive human actions that happen all the time and more often than not end the regular relationship – especially if they persist over time.

It is strange that we don’t do ‘deliberately positive’ reinforcements more often, maybe we are hard-wired to test our friends, lovers and even paid or paying partners. I think the study of this alone would be interesting work, but as usual the psychology or sociology of sex-work is almost as taboo in society’s thinking as the act, and I certainly don’t have any hard evidence to base any of this on.

So what does it all mean?

Don’t ask me, I can’t work all this complexity out. The only thing I know is that my success rate for the ‘testing dynamic’ isn’t that great. I’ve lost regular companions because we ‘tested’ each other out, before I even knew that this was a thing or that I had this self-destructive thing within me.

I survived another ‘test’, where I am ashamed to say, I was the one doing the testing (not deliberately of course), but now that I look backwards, I can see that she was a very special person to have survived what I regretfully and sub-consciously ‘tested’ her with. It probably made our connection weaker, but now that I am aware of my physiological weakness here, I am increasingly determined to use positive relationship building rather than accidentally stress-testing connections to see if they hold. It’s a work in progress, I have my issues and neediness that made me a client in the first place still being resolved. I always try and improve, be better, but it is a journey that includes the occasional backward step.

In other cases, I hope that I can see this coming and also recognise if an escort is ‘testing me’, rather than just the situation where we are not compatible as regulars.

Sorry no profound answers here, but hopefully something for you to consider in your own journey. Comments and feedback as always most welcome. Plus I hold no anger, only sadness, with any of my endings and wish everyone I have come into contact with on this journey only the best upon their own.

Xx SP 8 March 2017 (article updated 6 May 2017 and again 17 April 2018).

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Post-Booking Melancholy

Coming down from the high of seeing an escort.

Seeing an escort was wonderful – so why am I so sad?

What goes up, must come down. A useless saying, but in a sense it can be the simple truth of the emotional roller-coaster that we all ride.

I have chosen the word ‘melancholy’ to describe the mood that can follow an escort booking. Meaning a period of reflective sadness with no obvious cause, it is a feeling that I experience all too often. It is also one that both clients and escorts speak about, as we move between the awesome highs, and low lows of this amazing escort-client world. The phenomenon of ‘post-booking melancholy’.

CloudsRollIn

When the clouds roll in.

My bookings with escorts are one of the great joys in my life. Making a booking, the sense of anticipation in the lead-up to the meeting, that moment of meeting someone for the first-time are all adrenaline raising experiences. Other strong emotions appear when we reconnect with an adored regular, and of course the bookings themselves are all experiences that those of us who know them, feel sorry for the rest of the world that doesn’t. A client-escort booking is an amazing high, that builds, has a crescendo, and then a relatively hard landing as the real-world comes flooding back in to our ‘muggle’ lives.

Why do the French call an orgasm – ‘Le Petite Mort’?

The ‘Little Death’ can refer to the spiritual release that comes with orgasm and a feeling of melancholy or transcendence somewhat likened to death, or the death of a little part of us inside and the expenditure of life force. The whole ebb and flow of an escort booking can be considered in a similar way, with the peak at the booking and a ‘little death’ afterwards. As mentioned in previous articles, a post-booking contact of reinforcement can be similar to a hug or kiss or sign of affection after orgasm – one way of reducing the ‘little death’, but with or without that, a little part of you dies and the clouds roll in after the sun is gone.

Why purchases make us feel ecstatic and depressed simultaneously?

The wonderful Wikipedia will tell you that ‘Buyer’s Remorse’ or ‘post-purchase depression’ after major purchases comes “from a fear of making the wrong choice, guilt over extravagance, or a suspicion of having been overly influenced by the seller”. I guess these can certainly apply to the escort-client transaction, however in the case of this unique purchase, I would restate these three factors in the following ways …

The ‘gap’ until the next ‘high’.

The wrong choice is not a factor in melancholy for me. The whole ‘choice’ element has a different flavour, when the booking goes well, it is about ‘how long until I can meet this escort again’ and relive this wonderful experience. Since the reality is, like the day after Christmas, the moment straight after the booking is also the longest distance from the next booking – the next high. One way to reduce this cause of sadness is to ‘lock-in’ the next booking, as then the length of time is set and you have something to ‘look forward to’, and the escort also knows that you appreciated the last booking.

Spending money and financial constraints.

The guilt over extravagance is also not a factor as such. I am always conscious that I am a very fortunate person (although from humble beginnings) and being able to do what I do, being able to afford independent escorts on a relatively frequent basis already makes me both fortunate and extravagant. This guilt isn’t ‘post-booking’ it is ongoing and material for a future article, but for me it is not a part of the post-booking ‘down’ mood. I would imagine, that if I was not able to afford to see a wonderful escort for an extended period of time, or the booking resulted in some financial hardship, then this may well be a factor contributing to melancholy. Maybe in a way I feel guilty that this isn’t a regret factor for me.

The pain of choice and the rejection of alternate pathways.

Finally a ‘suspicion of being over influenced by the seller’ is an intriguing factor that I want to cover around both ‘seller influence’ and ‘suspicion’. Firstly ‘seller influence’ as it would translate to the choice on ‘who to book’. The choice is mine and if I allow that to be influenced, then the fault is mine if I am unhappy or fooled by the influence. So I understand this could be a factor, but for me it is about something else, it is about loyalty, opportunity, rejection and self-doubt.

After a great booking, I wonder about when I will see that wonderful escort next, however I also wonder about how long it will be until I see some other escorts that I feel strong connections with as well. This whole complicated ‘when and who’ conundrum is fraught with angst and emotion. Every choice made seems to close the door on all of the other scenarios and I feel some subtle distress, I guess we can call it melancholy, at this pain of ‘selection’.

Put another way, there are a few escorts I would see as much as I could and some others I really want to see again at some stage. Every booking is a choice that includes one of those pathways being fulfilled and all of the others being rejected. I know ‘rejected’ is a harsh word, but it explains the weird guilt and deprivation that I feel. Guilt in choosing one escort over another and deprivation in not being able to fulfill all of my selfish personal desires. The moment after the enjoyment of one booking is when both the guilt and deprivation are at their strongest. In a way, the pain of choice is also brought back into the picture as the certainty of a ‘single booking’ moment in time concludes and choices once again have to be made.

My insecurities get their moment.

So finally suspicion. I hope that this is just a reflection of my personal insecurities and weaknesses, I fear however that it is a shared human condition. In the ‘time bubble’ of a booking, there is a purity of place, time and emotion, the perfect chance to get out of one’s own head and shut those demons up for a brief and wondrous moment in time.

In the time that passes afterwards, I doubt myself, I doubt the moment, my insecurities re-assert themselves and the darker voices tell me that it wasn’t as good as it felt, the moment was a lie, my part is done and I am rightfully forgotten. I suspect that I am not as special as I felt, that the escort despises me as another tragic, entitled, middle-aged buffoon. Worst of all, I wonder if I am ignorant of the lies I tell myself.

It is easy to listen to the negative.

The perverse irony of the universe is that the stronger the high from the booking, or the closeness I have with the escort, the stronger my subsequent insecurity is likely to be. This is as honest as I can be, a window to everyone that the ‘apparent strength of a successful middle aged man’ is all a facade, there is a little boy cowering behind the curtain hoping that someone, somewhere, actually likes him just a little and thinks about him without disgust.

If any reason existed for me to stop seeing escorts entirely it is because of this easy to trigger insecurity. I have stopped seeing some escorts under circumstances where I couldn’t suspend my disbelief anymore, because the evidence of disdain or dislike was too strong. These escort break-ups are their own special form of ‘Le Petite Mort’, killing me a little inside each time, because in my mind I am that same worthless person that they see. The longer you are at this activity, the more ‘breakdowns’ there will be, and if these trigger insecurity, then the load builds with each addition to the negative internal voices.

Wow, that was full-on!

So, not wanting to end this article in the depths of ‘post-booking melancholy’, what can we do about it if it exists for more people than just me. Firstly book ahead, the process of making a booking can re-start the pathway toward another ‘sunny day’ and build a sense of positive anticipation.

Tell the escorts that you care about how special they are, this may not rid all the guilt of loyalty and selection, but hopefully it is good for the sender and a pleasant thing for the receiver. Try to hear the messages of love, worth, support and value and dismiss the negative ones, whether they are from others or the more insidious ones we tell ourselves. Send communications, I know that I’ve said it before to what has been mixed reception, but as long as discretion, privacy, security, marketing and business conditions are met, send post-booking communications to reduce ‘the little death’.

The escort perspective?

I have also been told that many escorts feel this same post-booking sensation at times, and with certain clients. If you have been reading my articles, you know I am reluctant to (read as: will never) say anything on behalf of escorts, but I think the important point here is that it’s better to treat escorts as though they feel the same emotional roller-coaster than it is to treat them as having resolved these feelings and as a result don’t feel any emotion toward their client. I would rather try and do no harm and ‘believe’ what I felt, than protect my heart from ‘dying a little’ when I discover those distressing instances where I really was just an another anonymous punter with a payment.

I was just not built to be cynical or harsh and would rather be hurt than cause hurt, for me that is a far better way to walk through life. I am interested in client and escort perspectives, but remember this one is just my own, one boy behind a curtain.

Thank you for your readership. I look forward to any comments and feedback and appreciate any sharing of these articles.

Xx 🌺 SP 23 March 2017 (article updated 14 May 2017 and again 15 April 2018).

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Becoming a Client

The journey of one client – how did it begin?

Why did I become a client of escorts?

Everyone has a ‘how did it begin’ story. Clients, and much of the world at large are interested in how escorts began their journey. Less interesting is how clients began, but since it ‘takes two-to-tango’, here is the story of one of them – me.

When I started as a client, it was the mid-point of a part of my life-journey that is still unfolding. Many of the causes I didn’t realise at the time, and I’m sure many of them I’m still to learn and appreciate, but this is what I know so far.

SydneyBridge2

What was happening when I first booked an escort?

It was the convergence of a few things, each with their own timeline. Firstly, I hit an age where there are more days behind me than days left in front of me – no matter what I like to tell myself. Secondly, I was traveling a lot for work, and spending many, many lonely nights in glamorous hotels. Finally, I was not happy in many parts of my life, including within the intimate, sexual, love and friendship aspects of my life – and this had been the case for a very long time.

I guess this is not uncommon and is almost a text-book (if there was a text-book) case of both a mid-life-crisis as well as an on-ramp to booking the services of Escorts. Despite this, it did take a long time for me to gain both the inclination and the courage to make that first booking – I put up with this scenario for a long time, years in fact. Against these forces, I was building a successful business, bringing up children, putting on weight and telling myself I was doing a good job. Telling myself that I was happy, lucky and successful. I wasn’t happy!

The trigger (or catalyst).

A close friend of mine died suddenly of a heart attack. Like me he was under-50 and had shared a very similar life. A close circle of us were dramatically impacted, and we all had the natural response of thinking, that could very easily have been me. You make an assessment of where you stand in a moment like that – and I didn’t like how that self-assessment looked.

I had so many things that I wanted to do. Things I had been putting off. I wanted to travel, see shows, sports, and places that I hadn’t got around to seeing yet. I wanted to make mad, passionate love, try sexual things that I had not yet experienced, and find out sexually what I liked. Yes, I had been out of sexual intimacy for so long, that I didn’t even know what I wanted or liked anymore, or even what was possible. I didn’t even know my body properly (a story for a future article) and believed personal image things about myself that I’ve since learned were not actually true. I wanted a shot at being young again, before it was forever too late.

The ‘on-ramp’ to booking escorts.

Initially I did make changes. I told myself, in very clear terms, that I needed to be selfish. I needed to take time away from work and home that was just for me, and realise that things I had been telling myself were ‘for me’, were actually just things I needed to do because of the world I had built around myself. Learning to be a bit more self-centered may come easily to some people – it remains a difficult path for me. I fight guilt at having a secret life and focusing on my own enjoyment above the needs of others.

In the early days, I went along to a strip-club while traveling with some work connections – something I normally refused or managed to avoid. I also went for non-sexual massages and then later some more deliberately erotic ones – although I’m yet to experience Nuru – something still for the ‘bucket-list’ (actually since the original article – I have ticket this experience off). I also watched more porn, not that I hadn’t before, and in retrospect, it wasn’t porn that I needed, it was deeper human contact and intimacy.

After a few strip-club visits, I met a dancer who would meet me at my hotel after her shift. Our arrangement was that I bought her room service dinner and paid the equivalent of a one-hour private dance. At the start it was a private dance (only) and then a late dinner (well more an early breakfast) and lots of talking. Later it was just talking and eating as the dance was only an excuse for me to have her with me as company, rather than being always alone.

We spoke about how stripping worked around the world, her immigration issues, our friends, our lives, our current issues, and what we wanted to achieve in our lives. This only lasted a few months, before I realised that I actually needed the sex too, and that wasn’t part of our arrangement. Every sex industry participant has their line, the area that is comfortable for them, and their boundaries. We wished each other well.

Booking my first escort.

Having decided that I was going to see an escort, I did what I always do, try to gather some knowledge. Early in my ‘research’, I came across the relatively new (at the time) Scarlet Blue website. I decided that of all of the avenues I had found online so far, it seemed to suit me the best. Their approach was clear and straight-forward and the way the escorts were marketed to prospective clients seemed to have some elegance and strong support of the workers, devoid of some of the sleazier and more degrading things I had come across elsewhere on the Internet.

I took my time trying to decide who I should meet first, and I observed a number of escorts through their social media activity, trying to get a little bit of a clue as to what they might be like in person. Eventually I made my choice and sent a text message request to the escort I wanted to see – even that was a nerve wracking moment.

Booking request.

I knew nothing (John Snow – sorry couldn’t help insert the Game of Thrones reference here). In fact less than nothing. I didn’t know if what I was doing was legal or illegal. I had no understanding of the etiquette, rules, and whether I would actually be meeting the person I thought I would be meeting. I was actually the most nervous about being a middle-aged guy meeting a beautiful young woman.

My text message must have been hilarious. It was too long, too much irrelevant detail, too confused on when and where, and most of all went into great lengths asking if I was an acceptable client, being middle aged, overweight, inexperienced and nervous. I wish I still had the text and the response – it would be amusing to so many of you. All I can say is that the escort was a true professional and put my mind at ease immediately. Obviously she thought the ‘age and fitness’ stuff was hilarious, but simply told me that made me a perfectly average client for her. The booking was made and I was due to see my first escort on my next interstate trip, about three weeks in the future.

My first booking.

During those weeks, I got called interstate again. Sitting bored in a hotel room, and having already committed to this path, I made a short notice booking with another escort. The booking didn’t go well. It was a combination of nerves, in-compatibility and some other aspects that weren’t clear to me at the time. I discovered later that the escort I saw was having major personal issues and shortly after our booking left Australia for good.

It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t good on a number of subtle levels and it would have prevented me from continuing as a client, if it wasn’t for the other booking that I felt I needed to honour. I don’t want to detail the issues of the first booking, they may be too identifiable, but I went into my second booking with even more nerves and trepidation.

My second booking.

Really my first booking, but my second escort meeting, it was the exact opposite of the first – it was amazing. The escort who arrived was exactly, no let me restate that, far better in real-life than in her profile. She greeted me affectionately, was a little nervous herself, bubbly, chatty and a real ‘presence’ in the hotel lobby. It was a three-hour booking, and ended up with two intimate sessions interspersed by us taking a break for some room service.

The exact memory of it is fading a little with time, but little things stand out. Smiles, time in the shower, great kissing, giggling and some real intimacy. Authentic openness about our lives, what we liked, and the rapid rush to intimacy that all the great first bookings have as a part of their dynamic. I was hooked, I was a client of that wonderful escort (and I was a client of hers for a long time, until her retirement), and I was also addicted to being a client of Escorts more generally.

Like a lot of us clients, we owe so much to the escorts that take us by the hand and show us the ropes, in a way, it is like loosing your virginity all over again. In my case, I owe my companion so much. She continued to see me, teach me, and support me along this wild journey as other companions have since. If there is such a thing as a modern-day muse, then I chose my first escort well, even after her retirement, she remains a source of inspiration for me still.

Hooked as a client.

I have fulfilled many of the ‘selfish’ ambitions I set for myself. I have traveled, I have seen and done more, but perhaps most of all I have become an ongoing client of the independent escort industry and of some specific escorts in particular. Almost all of my experiences are amazing and the escorts I continue to see are unique and I adore them each in their own way. There are many other stories for future articles, so far I have included becoming ‘Addicted to Escorts’ and ‘Why Multiple Escorts?’, however there are so many other aspects and stages of the journey, but for now, that is the story of how this one person became a client. I think just one more thing needs to be said …

What being a client means?

My life is not fully sorted, after all it is a journey. Being a client also means I have two lives – a secret one that I can only speak about with industry participants and here on these pages, and the ‘muggle’ one that I continue to live within as well. I guess some people, escorts and clients, can merge these two worlds, but many of us, again both clients and escorts, have to keep them apart (the subject of how we are all ‘Secret Keepers’ is covered in another article on this blog).

As a client, I have become happier (and at times sadder – it can be a roller-coaster of emotions), I have lost a significant amount of weight, become healthier and I think I am slowly becoming a better lover, friend and person. I still have lots of things I want to experience, now that my eyes have been opened to some of what is possible. I am still a ‘babe in the woods’ as far as the sexual experience side of the journey goes, but I have ambitions to learn more and experience more.

I also think my views on many things are changing (topics for another article). I don’t think most humans have their intimate, sexual and spiritual worlds worked out. Most of us are captive in a restrictive, false and hurtful model. This industry can’t change that alone, but I think it gives many of its participants other pathways that should become more mainstream.

I am not giving up being a client – it would seem like someone who has seen a glimpse of the future going back to a world they know is broken. I think that because this ‘secret world’ has moments that are so pure and amazing, it also creates connections that are equally powerful. My challenge is to find balance and not attach too much meaning and need to the connections that I experience. That is hard, because the majority of escorts are simply the most amazing people that anyone could ever hope to meet!

Thank you for reading. Sharing, comments and your readership is greatly appreciated. Thank you also to the wonderful companions that still share time with me and continue to teach me, make me feel alive and share intimate moments with me.

Xx SP 23 April 2017 (article updated 28 May 2017 and again 8 April 2018).

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Adventure

The thrill of the journey – focusing on having fun!

This should all be fun!

Why would a client book an escort if it wasn’t for enjoyment? This is a question worth asking yourself over and over again. There are lots of other factors that can creep into a client’s head – past history, guilt, expectation, wanting to impress the companion, and a host of other reasons that are probably ‘bad thinking’.

If you read my blog before these articles were republished, then you know I like to explore issues with personal meaning. That can appear as dark, brooding and over-thinking. Time for a break! For this article, it is about the sheer fun and adventure of seeing an escort. Plus now that I’m back revisiting these articles, I am in a much more positive space.

AdventureCocktail

Why did I see my first escort?

I had a life trigger that made me ask, was I having fun? The answer, no matter how I tried to convince myself otherwise was ‘No’. I was in the all too common situation of doing what I had to do at work and at home, and not really doing anything selfish, anything that was truly for me and for me alone. I guess that classic description is a ‘mid-life crisis’, it doesn’t matter what you call it or when it happens – I decided I was going to be selfish and do some things just for me!

My decision included more travel, more events, spending money on things I wanted and buying some ‘entanglement free’ sex and companionship. I say ‘entanglement free’ in inverted commas, because it is two human beings and there is no such thing as ‘entanglement free’ as a lot of the articles in my blog explore in detail. If those conversations interest you, try ‘Becoming a Client’, ‘Sex and Guilt’, and ‘Hurt Feelings’, those articles go into more detail on the inevitable ‘entanglements’.

The point here, is that we should keep going back to ‘what makes it fun’, the reason I became a client and also the reason why so many of my early bookings were fun. I was naive, no entanglements had developed, it was new, fresh, exciting and fun. If you have been doing this for a while like I have, then there may come times along the journey to re-focus on the pure enjoyment of spending some quality time and having fun with an amazing escort.

Best times and best moments!

I have had the best moments in my life with escorts, and by that I mean the most fun. There is a subtle but important difference between ‘times’ and ‘moments’. My best times are extended life experiences of achievement, family, children and other elements in the overall journey of life. My best moments however are short, memorable, joyous ‘bubbles’ that are usually unexpected and surprising.

Seeing an escort, at its best, can create these ‘memory bubbles’, moments of near perfection that sit alone – within, but aside, from the regular year-after-year flow of one’s life. Most of the ‘moments’ that return to my mind in quiet reflection are with escorts – they are the closest thing I have to pure selfish fun! They have even made it into my dreams on many occasions, sort of an ‘on-demand’ replay bonus by an unreliable video player – that doesn’t always play the memory that you want.

I have been fortunate to be able to recount some of these moments of pure perfection here, in the stories ‘Harbour Lights’, ‘Degustation Dream’, and ‘Holiday Hideaway’. There have been others too, some I am yet to write, others that the escort involved would prefer were unspoken, and no doubt, some more to come.

What is an ‘escort adventure’ for me?

One of the reasons that I prefer dinner-dates (or longer format bookings), is to shoot for the stars on a combination of great food, drinks, company, conversation, connection and sex. That is six factors, if you want to think about it like that, that all need to go right – seven if you are crazy enough to add an experience (show, concert, trip or event) into the mix. Get a few of them right, at the same time, and it makes for a great date, and most escort meetings are ‘great dates’. Get most of them together and it makes for an unforgettable memory. Get them all perfect and it is like the ‘holy grail’, one of those perfect moments you just want to capture, bottle and stare at for the rest of eternity. Those ‘Unicorn’ moments of course I remember the best.

The fact that this mix has been perfect for me – all six from six – on eight occasions, yes I know exactly how many, because they are moments that I will never forget, is probably the answer to why I am a client of escorts for the long haul. (update note: the number is now even higher, but from this update, I am not giving a ‘number’ any longer). Those sort of experiences are addictive – the things that quests and crusades are created from. I am greedy for more moments of pure bliss and the many other ‘close calls’ (often only a slight miss due to other external factors – out of the control of the escort or myself) that are still amazing dates and needless to say, the best money, and moments in time, that I have ever spent. There is of course the risk that you start expecting ‘near perfection’, something to be very careful of, as it can ruin wonderful connections.

Some moments of perfection!

A second ‘date’ of perfection with a perfect degustation, beautiful wines, stimulating conversation and unbridled sex that neither of us were willing to let end. A night at the ballet, a room upgrade, fine food and one of the smartest, sweetest and radiant women I have ever met. My muse, free-spirit and inspiration, dining with the harbour lights with perfect food and cocktails and an easiness of connection that is always totally disarming. A public holiday, spent alone in the company of a most amazing woman, while the clock almost stopped. Four dates of perfection that I will never forget. I would add some of the other stories with these and other equally amazing escorts, but I think the idea is sufficiently expressed for this article. I need to save some stories for another day, and these four stories are already links, mentioned elsewhere in this blog.

Out-of-booking entanglements.

I am enriched in my life from the connection, friendships, contact, support, advice and other positive ‘entanglements’ that wonderful escorts have offered, and that I have gratefully accepted and hopefully reciprocated. I have also had negative ‘entanglements’ of jealousy, guilt, malicious attack, money grabbing and emotional blackmail, this is all completely human. In my darker moments I have not been completely innocent on this front either, as doubts and emotions play their wicked game. It is however a trap – a trap that can take us away, both client and escort, from the part of this industry, these engagements, these dates or bookings, that should be primarily about pure fun and enjoyment.

Just after I first published this article, I had another new adventure that did not involve escort bookings. I took my first short break from bookings since I started on this journey, and set off to experience a different kind of fun. It is always good to have a break, reassess and examine where you are. I even wondered whether after a hiatus I would return at all? Well as you can see from the articles since, my ‘Hiatus Perspective’, reinforced the joy I had in seeing escorts and re-booking some amazing women that I adore. It was also a great re-focus on the core idea of fun, enjoyment and experience.

I am back to the adventure of seeing escort companions. I am continuing to try to shed or manage the few negative entanglements that still remain, embracing the positive ones for as long as they are offered, and I will make some more of those ‘holy-grail’ moments of perfection happen again.

Here is to each and every one of you enjoying the adventure and having fun!

Thank you so much for your readership. Please share, comment, give me feedback and tell me about your own motivations and adventures. In the ‘re-publishing’ of this blog, I decided to re-do this piece as my second article, as it is a great scene setter for the positivity of the client-escort experience.

Plus in seeing Lana Del Rey perform in concert tonight, I wanted to celebrate the person who started this whole journey for me, the person who introduced me to LDR and the person who always reminded me … it is meant to be a fun adventure! “I don’t even think of you that often …”.

Xx SP 24 March 2017 (article updated 15 May 2017 and again on 31 March 2018).

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My journey, a beginning

Why this blog? My journey as a client of sex-workers.

A little on my reasons for writing.

This article (originally from 6 March 2017 and adjusted slightly when republished on 31 March 2018) was a beginning for me — in the sense of talking publicly, and in a longer article format, about my experiences. The emotions, humour, sadness, loneliness, encounters and the nature of being a client of sex-workers.

I am not claiming any special experience, insights or right to speak. Although I am not new to seeing escorts, I am not suggesting my experience is the same as the experiences of anyone else, nor am I speaking on behalf of anyone else. My story is mine alone, with all the limits of my personal flaws, prejudices and emotional constraints.

(Note: This introduction post has had a little update on 31 March 2018, after a further 61-blog posts written over the year that followed the original launch of the this blog. Key themes haven’t changed much, but it is now, once again the first article, as I relaunch this platform. Welcome, or as the case may be, welcome back.)

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Deciding to start a blog.

I am a lonely middle-aged Australian. I started seeing primarily private escorts a little more than two years ago, and I have had the wonderful privilege to have been able to make a relatively large number of bookings during this period. That doesn’t make me an expert on anything, in fact the more I experience, the less I realise I actually know. Plus my mind changes all the time on what I think about this journey!

The articles that I intend to write are primarily personal experiences. Strange things, beautiful things, bad behaviour, good behaviour, the range of experiences, post booking melancholy, post booking joys, the challenges and joys of being a regular, falling in love, setting expectations and most of all, how I have felt while I have traveled upon this journey.

Beginnings as a client of escorts.

My actual entry as a client of sex-workers is boringly vanilla. I only admitted to myself later that it is a sort-of rolling mid-life-crisis. The event that happens commonly when what is left of one’s life is shorter than what is behind. In this moment one may find, as I did, that they are unhappy with where they find themselves and their experiences. Such a life change, is often a dramatic one, including the desire to grab hold of youth and rich experience, before the chance is gone for good. My actual ‘entry’ story is detailed more in ‘Becoming a Client’.

I knew less than zero about seeing escorts and the industry more broadly. I had no idea how to make an initial approach, the law, the etiquette. I was also overweight, sexually inexperienced and racked with stress from both the ‘secret life’ as well as other external factors in my life at the time.

Despite all of this, seeing sex-workers has been one of the best choices I ever made and has left me with exactly what I wanted, in the midst of a mid-life-crisis, the feeling that I had new experiences and memories that would stay with me. My journey has had amazing moments, challenging ones and I am still resolving many of the emotions. I also continue learning more about both the industry and being a decent human being, in this strange new ‘double-life’ of mine. In the year since I started this blog, I have also learned from the people, clients and sex-workers, who have engaged with me about it.

Purpose of this blog.

My intention with this blog is to write as topics come to mind (the initial year has seen a fairly large quantity of articles – that I am about to republish). I hope to explore topics and experiences of meaning and significance to me. This is part of my process of working out what I have learned (and still have yet to learn or experience), internalizing it and seeing what others think about these same topics. If any of it is of interest, makes you think, or want to share a comment, then that is a great outcome.

I reiterate what I said on the ‘about’ page, that no personal information, secrets or identifiable information is going to be published here, without the full and complete approval of anyone mentioned! However I am going to get into complex emotions and the best and worst of my experiences and observations – warts and all (with suitable time and fact changes to ensure everyone’s protection, including my own).

I hope that you enjoy the blog, share your comments and let me know what you think. In addition to where I started this journey, I may also add some guest contributors, who have offered to write some future content as well. I hope that you find it interesting.

Xx – SP 6 March 2017 (updated – 1 May 2017 and again on 31 March 2018).

sydneyskyline

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Cheers!

A moment of celebration and reflection. Cheers!

Today seems like a special day. It is an anniversary, an eve, a celebration and a commiseration – it is a milestone that just needed some things to be said.

Today I feel as good as I have in a long, long time. Tomorrow I have minor surgery, and in the weeks and months ahead, I have big, big, life changes planned. So cheers!

Cocktails

Why Today?

Tomorrow, I have minor surgery. My nasal septum is getting straightened and my tonsils are coming out. Then I will be in recovery for a couple of weeks. As with all surgery, there are some minor risks, and that made me want to write something – just in case.

Today is also the second anniversary of my first booking with an Escort who still likes to see me. That is a wonderful milestone for me, the start of a third-year with an adored companion who has been with me almost since my beginning as a client.

Cheers!

So here are my toasts, just some things I would like to celebrate with all of the appropriate people when I’m back in good health.

To all of my companion lovers, whether we met once or many times, in my journey of a little over two years, you have all changed me, improved me, loved me and shared experiences with me. This has been the best two (and a bit) years of my life.

A Little More Specific.

To those I don’t see anymore, I remember you! Those that have retired I think on your journey and wish you well regularly. For those that I chose not to see again (yet), that doesn’t mean your impact wasn’t enormous. For those that have chosen not to see me any more, I wish you well too.

I am sorry if I asked for too little or too much, gave too little or too much, or created any other dynamic where continuation wasn’t desired. I once saw this as a negative reflection on my personal wish to be a ‘good client’. Now I know that every relationship is personal, individual and complex. I know I am a good client – an exceptional one actually – but I am not eveyone’s ‘good client’. I am just a good match with a small number of people. That is as it should be.

I have also fallen for companions. Not expecting any change in our dynamic – I just fell in love. That created it’s own issues, because hurts can be far more profound. I have learned from these connections too and also from those wonderful people who wanted more from me than I could give.

It is a strange thing, that so many of our relationships are out of balance. What we want from some, others want from us, and the number of times this is in a complete harmonic balance is so small and even then, often only temporary. We all need to learn to live with gaps, contrast, disharmony and still make our own journey joyful, balanced and in harmony. I feel I am starting to learn this and for me, that harmony depends on connections with many people.

People I love and don’t love me in return. People that love me and I have lesser love for them. People passing through. Contacts, blockers, lovers, haters, givers, takers and all sorts of people in different stages and with different needs. I am blessed to have this richness in my life, my life is not dull.

Lucky Me.

I am a very lucky man and I expect to be even luckier in the future. I am choosing this surgery as a pathway to a better future. I am making hard life decisions for the positive consequences that they will bring. I am exiting people from my life, and bringing in others, so that I can enrich their lives and they can enrich mine.

Every step has risks. Risk that it is an end, in one way or another. Risks of pain, hurt, upset and offense. With every risk, there is the potential for reward. Breathing freely, without regular throat infections and snoring is a reward for tomorrow’s risks.

My journey in this industry is similar. Risks of meeting new people. Rewards of making longer-term and regular contacts. Risks of writing and the rewards of thinking and receiving feedback. Pain from loses, hurts and ‘lessons’. Pain from involuntarily hurting others. But joy, friends, experiences, fun and wonderful intimacy. So much joy and so many people that I think about at every spare moment.

If you think I don’t mean you, you are probably wrong. If we have met, I think about you, I value you and I am blessed by the time we have had together. I hope we get to share more of our journey together.

Xx SP 26 February 2018

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Blog Retirement

Percie Blakeney operated a blog here from March 2017 to February 2018. Fifty nine articles on his experiences as a client of sex workers.

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The blog has been retired, at least for the foreseeable future.

If you are interested in the articles, you can contact Percie at his Twitter address above.

Thank you to those that supported and inspired the blog. A thank you list remains here.

Xx SP 20 February 2018

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Dancing on Air

Remembering a wonderful night at the Ballet with an Angel …

Recently I have been reminiscing on past companion bookings, remembering how amazingly lucky I have been as a client of Escorts. It has been a while since I have written such a ‘perfect booking’ recount, and in my mind at least, this story is long overdue.

This was the fourth time I had met this most amazing companion, four months in a row since our initial meeting. It is hard to choose which story to tell, there have been so many amazing moments, but I think this captures how I feel as well as any of the other stories.

WhiteWine

The Day Arrives

This fourth meeting had been in planning for a little while. Dinner, a night at the Ballet and then some time together afterwards. I arrived at the hotel in Melbourne early, to get ready, to find that the hotel had given me a significant room upgrade to a large suite. I still get excited about the more amazing hotel rooms, and this was a great one!

We knew each other well enough, and I sent a short video walk-through of the room to my evening’s companion. Admittedly a badly disguised attempt to see if perhaps a slightly earlier pre-dinner drink in such palatial surrounds might be tempting. I guess many clients share their excitement about what they consider to be an impressive booking, in a misguided but well-meaning attempt to either impress their companion, or to garner a little more time. This is not great client behaviour, and I was still early in my journey, but it is certainly understandable human behaviour. She was onto me, and whether tempted or not, sent the professional “I’m excited to see you” message, very kind, but clear that we would meet as planned.

Well I was happy with that, and took my time getting ready and still making good use of the very lovely room. A spa bath, some music, soaking in the view, and feeling like a king. Letting the anticipation of the evening ahead with an adored companion wash over me.

Dinner

I wandered down, relaxed and well prepared to the restaurant that I had booked for the evening. I ordered a wine that I knew from past experience my companion would enjoy, one that had become a favorite of mine as well. My companion was fashionably late, that is her way, but not enough for me to feel anything but a growing sense of anticipation.

She arrived and took my breath away. That happened the first meeting, it still happens now, every single time, it’s like a wave of euphoria just passes over me and I can’t help but smile like a teenage boy. It seemed that we picked up from where we had left off a month before. Comfortable, relaxed, intimate and unhurried conversation. Some laughs, a couple of wines and a lovely meal, that to be honest I have forgotten – I wasn’t concentrating on the food. I never do, that is why more often than not, I let my companion order for us – and I just bask in the glow of her company.

We left a little later than we should have, and we had to race along the Yarra River towards the Art Centre on a lovely Spring Evening. There were a lot of people around, and the atmosphere on the banks of the river was wonderful, not that we had much time to soak it in, we had a Ballet to get to.

A night at the Ballet

We were late, we were locked out, and we had to stand with the group of other ‘naughty people’ who had dared to be late. They were mostly older women and I was enjoying the disapproving looks that I was getting. Me, a middle aged man, with a taller, far more wonderful younger woman – exactly the sort of visual image to attract their scowling looks. I could almost imagine hearing their disapproval, but it was a feeling, not actual words. My companion didn’t seem to notice or care. She seemed truly excited to be at the Ballet, having training herself as a child. She was so amazingly lovely to me, holding my arm in close intimate proximity, like we were really dating, with a glowing smile on her face. Not a Girlfriend Experience, but the dream of having a girlfriend who is truly enjoying the company of her boyfriend – it was a rare, rare moment of forgetting and actually feeling part of someone’s real affection – and wow it hit me really hard – I am missing this affection in my life.

We were shuffled quietly into special seats, high up at the theater, a spot for the naughty late comers that wouldn’t interrupt the show or the other patrons. It was a novelty to have such a birds-eye view. We were close together, I could smell her wonderful perfume, made a little stronger by our rush to get to the venue. She had a beautiful glow on her forehead and her open shoulders were exposed by her amazing dress – I just wanted to stay in that moment forever. I was watching her, as she was watching the first act of the Ballet, and I was enraptured. I had strong feelings for this companion from our very first meeting, but in that moment I felt that if I wasn’t very careful, very, very careful, those feelings were going to get rapidly out of hand. Becoming far stronger than is appropriate for the nature of the Escort-client relationship.

After the first break, we were allowed to move to our original seats, to more scowls and looks of disgust from the nearby patrons. Seriously though, who in my shoes cares about being late to the Ballet when they have a companion like that – no wonder they were scowling, it is jealousy and envy writ large, and I was enjoying that too.

The Ballet was Nijinsky, a celebration of the famous Russian male ballet dancer. As such it was a showcase for male dancers with rather modern and acrobatic dance. Those guys are seriously built and amazingly impressive physical and artistic specimens. It was a weird and surreal feeling, to be looking at my glamorous companion, as she watched these amazing men dance. So many feelings for me, that I don’t really remember the performance, but I do remember how I felt. I have had many weird dream sequences since, that pick up parts of that night.

The Encore

The Ballet finished and we made our way back to the hotel. Wow, for me at least, the love making and intimacy was amazing. I was very ready, I had been smelling my companion’s perfume for hours, and looking at her and enjoying her, as she enjoyed the entertainment of the night. My memory here too has passed more into feelings than detail. We may have had better and more adventurous sexual encounters in other bookings, but that night was a perfect match for the emotion and feeling of the evening as a whole complete experience. I remember feeling so satisfied and completely at ease, that it is hard to see it as anything but a perfect evening – it was perfect!

Afterwards we spoke. I was in an amazing afterglow. Weirdly one of the conversations was around marriage proposals that my companion had received from past clients. I am really not surprised. Strangely I envied them putting their request to her so bravely, as no doubt the person who finally receives a yes response, is going to be one of the luckiest men alive. Weird how strange things like this can trigger emotions that we don’t expect and envy can be a strange emotion. I asked, jokingly of course, why she had turned them down, and what, you know, for arguments sake, would it take to get a yes?

I was listening intently to the lighthearted answer, what was going to be needed to ‘sweeten the deal’ and turn a ‘no’ into a ‘yes’. Sorry, of course I’m not telling you – that is one of my most valued secrets. I’m working on it, you know, just in case there is ever a chance.

I had to leave. I left my companion with the room if she wanted it, just for her own ‘time out’ in such a wonderful space. I doubt whether she stayed for very long. The next morning I returned to check out of the hotel, and to have breakfast, before heading into my office. That too was a lovely little surprise. To still catch the scent of her perfume and lie for a few moments on the sheets we had been on the night before, was a lovely way to re-live a little of the night and extend the connection just a little longer.

We have had a number of experiences since and more to come, I hope. They have been wonderful, and many deserve their own story as well. However our ‘Night at the Ballet’, a night where I felt like I was dancing on air, early in our journey together is one of my highlights of being a client of escorts. It was a night I will never forget, with a person that I will never forget.

I hope you don’t mind me returning to some booking stories. This is one I have wanted to write for a while, and I have others I would like to share with you, and again with myself before the memories begin to fade. Thank you for letting me share this story.

Xx SP 11 January 2018

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Blue Moon Week (Pt-1)

Some experiences will never be repeated but always remembered.

Only Once In A Blue Moon!

This is the story of a unique 72-hours in my life! Everything was unexpected, everything was unusually special, everything will never, ever, be repeated again. This three-day period is my ‘once in a blue moon’ story, I can’t see me ever having a tale quite like this to recount again.

This ‘three-part’ booking recollection is not meant to suggest anything about escort-client bookings, as you will see this booking, and the ones to follow (sorry the other chapters aren’t going to be published), are very special cases. What happened was unusual, I have no expectation of any similar experiences in the future, and these are not stories of how ‘escort-client’ bookings should normally proceed. This is the story of a rare set of exceptions to the rules, this is the story of what can only ever happen … Once In A Blue Moon!

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Blue Moon Week – Day One – A Long Anticipated Meeting

This was to be a first meeting, a long anticipated extended dinner booking. We had been ‘chatting’ on Twitter for a considerable amount of time, and the tyranny of distance had worked against us meeting, but we were finally going to be in the same city. The long-planned day had finally arrived.

I was very nervous about this booking. I think this was for a combination of reasons, including how well we had connected with each other online. Given that people often comment on the difference between Percival Blakeney as a blogger and Twitter persona and what I am actually like in person – face-to-face as a real boy. I thought what if she likes Percie, as a construction of Twitter and this blog, but doesn’t like me? Similarly, I had been excited by the clear intellect and very different perspectives of this amazing woman, but I was also anxious that maybe our world’s were too different, and we may not have enough of a common point of personal connection.

As the ‘real-life’ meeting was about to happen, I wondered whether I had built my expectations far too high – something that as we all know, can make the reality seem less than it is. I was nervous about my high expectations and I was nervous about living up to her expectations as well.

Planning Turns To Reality.

Our plan was a special extended dinner, we had selected a high-end restaurant for a long, slow, enjoyable conversation to extend on our online discussion and then retire to the hotel afterwards. A pretty typical ‘extended dinner booking’ plan. I arrived at the restaurant, took the table, ordered a cocktail (no surprises there) and started looking at my phone and the lovely view from the table.

As often happens for those of us touring, escorts and clients, flights, traffic, hotel check-in, taxis, Ubers and the general logistics get in the way. My lovely companion let me know that she was delayed. I responded that I had waited this long to meet, waiting a little longer was no issue at all, and would you like me to order you a drink? I sat, waiting and getting even more nervous because of the anticipation that surrounded this first meeting. I even had strange thoughts that she might see me, decide against the meeting and ‘walk away’.

We Meet!

Then another message arrived. In the rush, my companion had forgotten her bag and was out front but unable to pay for the taxi, she was unnecessarily embarrassed and apologetic. So I walked out the front and turned down the busy street and saw my companion for the night for the first time. She was stunningly beautiful, dressed in a thin dress, a woolen hat, and her beautiful fine blond hair moving in the breeze. She was in a heightened state of anxiety, standing beside the taxi, still looking graceful, beautiful and ethereal as the city moved around her. I hadn’t seen her face before this and I was struck by how beautiful my companion was. I paid the taxi driver without even looking at him.

We exchanged nervous pleasantries and started the short walk back to the restaurant. I had my arm around her waist and she felt and smelled the way that she looked, light, graceful and the most accurate description “extremely delicate and light in a way that seems not to be of this world” … ethereal. She quickly recovered from her anxiousness, stopped me right in front of the restaurant welcoming staff, looked into my eyes and then gave me a deep, long and full kiss. I still carry my ‘no physical contact’ upbringing with me, despite my efforts to discard it, and I froze for a second. Then I realised how amazing this moment was, let go, and enjoyed this surprising, warm and intimate moment – in full view of the restaurant staff that I had walked past just a moment before. It was a surprise moment, forever gifted to my memory for its strength, novelty, impulsiveness and power.

We Eat!

We were shown to the table, well shown back to the table in my case. Deciding quickly to go with the long, slow, time consuming degustation and matching wines option. We both knew already that it was going to be a longer than expected night. The food and wine was great, but my companion was far more amazing. Smiling, looking into my eyes, asking insightful questions, telling me about her life, teasing very deep things from me and offering up those of her own as well. This person really knew me.

She had somehow seen between the badly written and often sterile writing of my blog articles. She had seen between the pendulum of my Twitter posts as I move between overly optimistic client content and overly pessimistic assessments of ‘what does it all mean’. When so many other people misunderstand this client persona, she had gone even further than I could ever have expected, she had already seen the real me underneath. We had so much in common, but not because of any special gifts that I have, but because of the breadth of her understandings, experiences and her amazing personal ability to get to know someone – really, deeply know them.

The hours of the dinner passed in a flash. Conversation was not rushed but never seemed to stall either. We both got a little tipsy from the matched wines, there were serious moments, laughing moments, giggles and some sneaky kissing and touching. I’m sure other restaurant guests were probably looking in our direction dismayed at our lack of restraint, but to the restaurant’s credit, our service staff seemed to enjoy and support our connection. I think we left just in time, my need to be physically with my companion was getting very intense, a level of desire that I haven’t felt very often.

We Meet Again!

Thankfully the hotel wasn’t far away. We were in the room fast, out of most of our clothes fast, and then we met again, this time physically. It was needed, it was release, it was passionate and intense, but it wasn’t rushed. We made use of almost all of the hotel room and bathroom, for how long I don’t know, but it was late, very late, probably the better description was that we had seen in the new day and it was now early.

At the end, my companion started to shake a little, a subtle quiver in the dark, lying beside me and partially on me. She was crying a little, and asked if I minded if she let go and cried. I think normally this may have surprised me a little, and maybe even fed into some of my own insecurities. Here though, in this moment, it was completely natural, understandable, even necessary. We were both in release, we were comfortable and we both knew things about what the other was going through at this time in our lives. She cried quietly but fully for a while, and I did too. I don’t cry, like I really don’t cry – almost ever. I cried like a baby and it felt great. It was another form of release on top of all of the other sexual release and it was a beautiful closure of the date.

I have been crying ever since, fairly regularly as it happens. I think this was an opening up of me, a permission, or some other catharsis that changed me and is still changing me. I can’t tell you exactly how or why, but it felt right and it felt important and it felt perfect.

We Part!

This was not a normal booking. I don’t open up like that to anyone at a first meeting. My companion had also made decisions on the way through the booking to let it be different, to let it last, to let it play out as it did. She left me slowly, kindly and in a caring way. There wasn’t much of the night left, I laid down on the hotel bed expecting to sleep for a few hours before the world kicked back in, and I had to reset for a work day. I couldn’t sleep, I was relaxed, calm, happy and at peace, but I was also contemplative and needed to make the moment last as long as I could.

Slowly wondering what had just happened, who was this person who seemed to know me and what I needed so well. The room was rich with the remnants of our sex, the smell, warmth and feeling kept me cocooned in some weird post-sex meditative state. I didn’t sleep and soon enough my alarm went off, telling me it was eight in the morning and I had an hour to get to a business client meeting.

This was not a normal booking. It certainly wasn’t a normal first meeting. It isn’t representative of anything that came before and I suspect of anything that will come again. It was unique on so many levels, it was truly a ‘Once In A Blue Moon’ experience and strangely it marked the first-day of a three-day run of remarkable, unique, ‘Blue Moon’ experiences. I will write part two and three soon and although disconnected in many ways, it is an inseparable 72-hours for me – never to be relived, never to be forgotten and still transforming me many weeks later (sorry everyone the other chapters will have to stay private).

My companion and I are in different geographies and yet in some similar places in respect of a coincidence of our own individual life transitions. We remain in contact, we will be meeting again soon, I am sure sparks will fly and it will be amazing, but it won’t be, it can’t be, the same as this amazing first meeting. The focal point that this night played in a transformation of me is unique. It is still unfolding and is clearly a once-only thing. It is another escort experience that can’t be undone – I have changed as a result of that night and the two that followed. Thank you to a beautiful, gentle and deeply insightful soul who chose to spend a transformational ‘Blue Moon Night’ with me!

Thank you to my companion, as always, please keep speculation on people involved to yourself. Thank you for your readership. Please keep any comments respectful, we all know this is unusual and there is no suggestion that any other booking should ever unfold like this or any implication or excuse that it is OK to disrespect any boundaries, timing and the normal dynamics of an escort-client booking. Your own experiences and feelings are of course most welcome comments.

Xx SP 21 June 2017.