Friends and Lovers

The complexity of friendship in a client-escort relationship.

What makes up a ‘Girlfriend Experience’ (GFE) booking?

This is not really an article for clients new to seeing escorts. Consider this more of a conceptual client-escort article on dynamics that happen over time. Everyone’s experiences are different, so maybe the concepts here might create some controversy or disagreement. The premise is pretty simple, ‘Girlfriend Experience’ (GFE) bookings contain two key components – sex and friendship that are extremely different dynamics.

Most escort’s detail their sexual offering in ‘services’ and this is usually a key booking discussion point. In this particular post, I am focusing on the far more problematic and complex area of companionship – or let’s be more honest, the part of the purchase that is about friendship – real or pretend.

Cocktails

Classes of client-escort friendship.

Why do I take escorts on dinner dates? Probably because I am interested in the connection and ‘friendship’ as much, OK even more than the sex. So in a ‘Girlfriend Experience’ (GFE) proposition, hardcore sex is traded for contact, companionship, conversation and some element of pretend, or real, friendship. If clients and escorts get into emotionally compromised and hurtful territory, it is far more likely to be connected to the friendship elements than the sex.

Most clients understand that escorts are having sex with many other clients. Most escorts understand that a certain group of their clients are seeing many escorts. Few in my experience have trouble with this scenario. When you swap the words and say some escorts are making friends with many clients, and some clients are making friends with many escorts – then this scenario is one that a fair number of escorts and clients are not as prepared to deal with emotionally. The sex is for sale, but human connection and friendship is not. Although there are many levels with this, it is the minefield of the ‘Girlfriend Experience’ within the sex work industry, and one that I have already discussed in a number of blog posts on this website.

Five types of ‘client-escort’ friendships.

So with this article, more than all the others before it, I want to start a discussion. I am even hoping to see some controversy and disagreement. Again, from my own limited experience, I am going to put the ‘connection’ part of escort companionship, the GFE relationship, into five categories. I believe that you can class both escorts and clients in these groups, although the percentages and behaviours vary depending on whether you are provider or purchaser. Here they are …

Ghosts – this group disappear between bookings. There is no ‘companionship’ offered outside of the booking environment. This may be a great thing, it may be an awful thing, it depends on which group you are in, and whether you need ‘connection’, companionship and friendship outside of the booking itself. Many mainly PSE providers and very successful and super-busy escorts fall into this category. Many occasional and silent (invisible) clients are also in this category – this can be a low maintenance and highly valuable group if both of you – client and escort – are ghosts. I actually aspire to be a ghost, unfortunately for me at the moment, I’m in the class of needy clients that desire a message of reinforcement and friendship between bookings.

Scalpers – this group want to ‘add another scalp’ to their list. You may think that this is only a certain class of clients who want to see lots of escorts only once. You would be wrong. There are also escorts who want to ‘list’ certain ‘punters’. They want to showcase dates, gifts and in some cases, the lonesome friendship cries of some of the most needy clients to their peers as some sort of competition or proof of their escorting skill. It is very disappointing that this thinking exists in the minds of both clients and escorts and it is very hurtful to others not of the same mind or ‘industry as a game’ thinking.

Actors – an obvious skill for escorts and a questionable one for clients, is the idea of ‘acting’ as a companion and friend for the commercial outcome of the escort-client transaction. This is where the model normally starts for an escort – make a client feel good, not only sexually but in terms of attention, conversation, companionship, listening and other aspects of friendship. This is an understandable, and when it is well handled even a highly agreeable part of the service. It is strange however if a client feels they need to ‘act the friend’ either for game-playing, negotiating or some other strange motivation. I have no issue with escort ‘actors’, if I fall for the act, then well played to you my escort companion – especially if the overall experience is amazing. It is going to hurt in some circumstances (maybe later as a repeat client), but that is the risk of buying a Girlfriend experience – if I wanted a ‘real girlfriend’, then this isn’t the place to start and it is entirely a ‘buyer beware’ scenario.

Friends – if an escort and client have developed a relationship over time (repeat and regular bookings in particular), then some form of friendship is possible. Every long-standing escort probably has some co-working escort friends and possibly some client friends as well. Every long-standing client may also have some escort and even other journeying client friends as part of the experience. The cynic would say that this is almost impossible to know, until the ‘business part’ of the relationship has been retired. I have ‘placed’ some of my escort relationships in this ‘holy grail’ category to find that they were actually consummate ‘Actors’, and unfortunately in some cases even ‘Stalkers’. The ones that remain, I truly honestly hope that they remain friends – not best friends, just friends, after our booking days are over – I guess I am going to find out eventually, and I guess the number is going to be small, and maybe even zero. Sadly some escorts I viewed as friends have disappeared already.

Stalkers – last of all is when it gets out-of-hand. The connection, desired connection or some other element, takes it from healthy to unhealthy. A mismatched relationship where one person becomes obsessed with the other and acts upon this obsession. There are so many emotions, feelings and experiences in the mix here, and lets face it, many of us are needy, it happens that someone goes too far and moves into an obsessive mode (I am lumping all obsessive behaviours here together as stalkers). Escorts experience this far more than clients, but it happens in reverse too. It isn’t a pleasant place to be, knowing that someone is obsessed with you and not knowing what that means or how far they will go. It actually happens far more than people admit, escorts and clients have both told me very concerning recounts of experiences in this class of dangerous and needy obsession. Some are very scary indeed!

So what does it all mean?

Well once again I am big on setting the scene and unfortunately short on solutions. I really don’t have the answers. Stalkers are scary as hell. Friends are desired, but often an illusion and even more so in this ‘purchased intimacy’ environment, where acting ‘connected and friendly’ should really be added to most escort’s service list. If you are a ghost or are happy with an ‘acted experience’ then you, my wonderful amazing friend, are on a glorious ride. If you, like me, hope to find a few friends along the journey, then get ready for disappointment. For me, disappointment is fast becoming a friend all on its own, but I will find you – my friend – and we will beat the odds. In the mean time, I am happy with the escort that can act up a storm, but I wish I could better avoid the scalpers and the stalkers.

Thoughts, opinions and experiences please. This time, with this level of controversy, there must be some of you who want to debunk my romanticism or shoot down my unproven logic from some more experienced perspective or point of psychological science. I hope at least this made you think.

Xx SP 28 March 2017 (article updated 16 May 2017).

8 thoughts on “Friends and Lovers”

  1. Friendship between clients and escorts can definitely happen, but for me it only happens with a gentleman I regularly spend extended time with. Of course it is not going to happen with someone who sees me for one or two hours, every four months!

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  2. A friendship is most likely to develop between a client and an escort when they see each other regularly, mostly because of what initially drew the client to the escort. Escorts usually create a persona that is often much like who they are in real life, but much more defined. The need to be an actress usually comes from the occasional lack of connection between the escort and client, or when she is having a bad day, but still wants to provide the best experience for him.

    When she creates her persona and shares it with the world, she is hoping to attract a particular type of client. Of course there are men who make their decision to see an escort solely based on her photos! But, I’ve found that most clients who are interested in seeing someone multiple times, is also interested in her personality and intellect. Thus, a friendship naturally develops.

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  3. Hmm friends with an escort.
    Can it happen.
    Depends on how you define friends too.
    In short, yes It can happen. But what I would describe as a friendship that extends well out of the client/escort boundaries I think is rare.

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  4. You know, it might seem harsh that friendship might come and go within an escort-client relationship when ‘usability’ expires, but I see this in other relationships too… I was shocked and saddened when my marriage ended to discover that friendship was no longer such a high value for my ex… It also expired with the end of the sexual, social and financial contract.

    We humans can be profoundly self-serving. But perhaps there isva strange grace in that.

    Despite all that, and not having met you quite yet, I like the idea of being your friend 💖

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