Chasing Unicorns

A humorous perspective on the client pursuit of escorts.

Certified Unicorns!

Please don’t take this blog article too seriously! This is my (most likely poor) attempt at a bit of levity, in between some rather issue-heavy blog articles of late.

This article is also a change in style. It needs you to do a little bit of back-ground homework for context. If you haven’t seen this already, please watch the 5-minute YouTube video … “The Universal Hot vs Crazy Matrix – a Man’s Guide to Women”. By the way, don’t blame me, it was a lovely escort that introduced me to this video – plus the video is by a lawyer, so you know it must be true!

Cocktail4

The Escort Fantasy.

So you have seen our YouTube Lawyer’s ‘Hot versus Crazy’ zones? If not, you really do need to watch the video first. I think, when it comes to clients booking escorts, the ‘No Go Zone’ does not apply. To a client, every escort selected for a booking is ‘HOT’. The client (alright, once again it is just me speaking), is looking to experience something outside of the normal, someone who in their eyes is an example of the client (yes, me) ‘punching above their weight’. You know, an 8-out-of-10 and above.

So as far as the ‘escort’ version of the ‘universal hot versus crazy matrix’, there are only four categories that really apply. The ‘danger zone’ for ‘crazy escorts’, the ‘date zone’ for ‘less-crazy escorts’, the ‘wife zone’, which is more realistically the ‘I wish they were my wife zone’. Then of course the fabled ‘Unicorn Zone’, which as our learned and unattractive YouTube Lawyer explains, does not actually exist.

Playing with this ridiculous model.

Remember this is firmly ‘tongue-in-cheek’. Please don’t destroy me in my first attempt at a light-hearted blog article. There are clearly crazy clients, and the reality is that there are crazy escorts too – even if this is just ‘craziness’ in the sense of being incompatible. It is hard to ‘spot crazy’ before a booking, so this can be something to be discovered. I haven’t been into the ‘Danger Zone’ (Top-Gun film soundtrack playing in my head – good to listen to while reading this article) on many occasions, but I have seen my share of crazy. Let’s just say best not discussed publicly and of course best avoided – run away fast.

The ‘slightly-crazy’ and ‘super-hot’, now that can be a fun place to play for a while. There is some ‘stuff that goes down’ in that territory that we should all get to experience – in relatively small and safe doses. We all feel a bit like experiencing our crazier-selves at times and being with an escort, that is to us edgy, a little dangerous, stretches our boundaries, well that is a worthy place to play. Our YouTube narrator (geeky Lawyer) calls this the ‘date zone’, in the client-escort world, I think it is more accurately the ‘booking-experiment’ or ‘escort-fun’ zone. No I’m not about to make my own chart (yet)!

When it just clicks!

I am resisting the urge to get serious and talk more about ‘Loving an Escort’ or ‘Making it Regular’. I am determined to stay factitious and light-hearted. When the ‘client-escort’ connection is strong, personalities click and the dynamic is smooth and natural, it is easy to think … “in some alternate universe, I would love a real relationship with this person”. That type of escort, in this crazy model, would fall within the wife zone. Or as I said before, more accurately within the ‘I wish this was my wife’ zone. Alright, for those of you getting angry about this ‘wife’ terminology, someone that the client would desire to be a larger part of their life – the connection is strong and so is the attraction. In the client’s view – this escort is not crazy at all and they are oh-so-achingly hot!

Unicorns live here!

In the final tiny category, almost unique to the escorting world alone, unicorns do exist! I have seen them in the wild, I have seen them at play, I have had the amazing good fortune to have spent small and magical moments of time in their presence. I have met a small but precious number of unicorns. I am keeping their identities and locations secret, as at every opportunity I hope to study them further and let their magic further enrich my life. Seriously, I am not sharing Unicorns with you – I want them!

I know this was a silly article, after all it was based on a very questionable video. That silly video now has ‘Certified Unicorn’ merchandise and possibly a forthcoming movie deal. It may be responsible for stopping a lawyer from practicing law – so that isn’t all bad is it? If you thought this blog article was cute, if you know me, and if you already know that I think that you are a ‘Certified Unicorn’, let me know – I may just get you the T-Shirt to prove it. You know who you are – I drool in your presence!

Please don’t flame me for this article, barely a serious word was spoken apart from this … Unicorns really do exist, I have met a few and that is why I love being a client of escorts. They actually exist more within the escort community than anywhere else.

I hope you enjoyed this change of pace. Thoughts, feedback, comments and sharing is greatly appreciated. I hope you didn’t get too distracted and spend hours on YouTube – that is certainly a trap. Plus listening to the Top-Gun soundtrack will kill brain cells. Thank you as always for your readership.

Xx SP 8 May 2017 (article updated 7 June 2017).

2 thoughts on “Chasing Unicorns”

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