Changed Man

Being a client of escorts has changed me forever …

I am sitting across a restaurant table from someone that I adore. I have been waiting for this moment for weeks, since the booking was originally locked-in. I am excited, nervous, my soul is buzzing. I know that the next four-hours will be amazing, they always are. However, I also know that with every passing minute, this moment is rapidly disappearing. A little piece of perfection, that will soon become another wonderful memory, in a pretend relationship with a regular Escort.

As a middle-aged man, who started this journey after years without love and intimacy, these experiences, this amazing adventure, has filled a void in my life. It has been an incredible ride, way beyond belief and far beyond my expectations. It has also changed me forever. I want more, I need more, I am alive again. I feel the youngest in spirit that I have in over a decade, and the result of this energy is a real personal need for transition.

DinnerSweets

My Big Change

I am leaving my loveless and terminally ill relationship. I can’t pretend that an empty marriage, held together by obligation, is an appropriate way to fade into the oblivion of old age. I also can’t keep this secret life going in the way that it has for much longer. The amazing highs, and moments of what feels like real intimacy, have changed me. I am reawakened to intimacy, to love and to possibilities. As a result the gaps in between are getting darker, more melancholy and more depressing. I miss the highs, and I miss the wonderful Escorts, that I have these amazing moments with.

I appreciate that life is a journey with rich interpersonal moments, and I have gravitated to the idea of sharing intimacy with more than one person. However even that isn’t enough. I need someone or some people who are partners on the longer journey with me. I need at least one or two of these relationships of short-moments to have some longer duration. For a deep connection that is about more than the occasional, time-managed, moments. I also need to know that this person wants to be with me, for me, and off-the-clock, not just for the income or the patronage.

This change may not work, it might be impossible for me, a fool’s errand. I may not find anything approaching what I am looking for. Someone with a more open attitude to sharing intimacy than the other relationships I have had in the past. Someone with a more adventurous approach to love, travel, sex, unusual experiences and openness – basically more adventurous in every way.

If I don’t find it, that’s OK! I will come back to Escorts and other ways of sharing moments and intimacy, but I will do it in a far more transparent way. I enjoy being with Escorts, but I don’t enjoy doing it covertly and with permanent risk of discovery. I don’t enjoy living a lie if I don’t have too. When I feel that I am back ‘in personal integrity’ with myself, and honest with anyone that I am in a relationship with, then I want to share a life that is rich with sexual and intimate discovery.

What Brought About This Change?

This has always been a transitional phase of my life, a mid-life crisis if that suits your interpretation. I thought I would have some sex, some fun, and meet some interesting people. I didn’t think that it would completely change my perspective, and it really has fundamentally changed my perspective. I can’t live a boring vanilla life anymore. I can’t imagine a permanent monogamous relationship, where intimacy is confined to only one other person, forever. I want to share pathways, but have access to intimacy and meaning with other people as well.

The other problem that I have, is that once I become single again, I can’t imagine only getting this intimacy and connection from paid bookings with Escorts. It has to be some combination, and some of it needs to be about more than disconnected moments. Part of the journey needs to be with someone where the conversation, desires and plans for the journey ahead are shared. A story with two people in the designer’s seat.

For a while, I think I will need to drop or reduce paying Escorts for personal moments, so that I can see what else is around for me. What options and realities exist for building a more open and transparent connection with a woman that wants something similar.

Thank You!

I owe so much to the Escorts and fellow travelers that I have met. As a result of these experiences, I value myself more. I know some of the amazing things that are possible in a new life for myself. I have sought psychological, physical and emotional improvement. I have lost weight, I am getting fitter, I take more pride in my appearance and I have more fun. I have a sh^t-load of fun!

I am probably not going anywhere for long. I will probably be in touch with a lot of people that I have met on this journey. I will probably make bookings and be intimate with Escorts that I have met and that I adore, but it will be in a new and open way. Who knows, you may see my face, my real name and if I keep this Percie Blakeney character around, it will be because his persona was a valued part of this transition, and a part of the fun.

I don’t know exactly where the journey will take me now, and that is part of the fun. Thank you for getting me here and thank you to those who will be part of the next adventure.

I am not sure whether blogging and social media will still be part of my journey when I get back from my overseas trip. If not, I will leave all of this here for a while. If it is, then no doubt I will have new stories to tell and some may be about relationships and experiences that sit in between Escort bookings. Thank you as always for your readership, especially my repeat offenders and friends.

Xx SP 26 September 2017.

Growing Up

The journey starts to take hold …

I am an almost 50-year-old boy! Like a lot of guys, there is a teenager trapped inside, and I have been slow to learn emotional, life and important interpersonal lessons. Well the penny is starting to drop.

My almost two-year journey as a client of escorts is only part of my transition. It is an important part, and it has combined with some other difficult, painful and emotional transformations to teach me something. I am finally listening. Perhaps in some ways, I am finally ‘growing up’.

BestFootForward

Expectations of Seeing Escorts

I started this journey, as you can discover if you read ‘Becoming a Client’ out of a set of circumstances. I thought, after 10-years without real intimacy, and in a mid-life-crisis that it was about selfishness, adventure and rediscovering interpersonal intimacy. It was, and it wasn’t. I am not that guy any more.

My almost three-decade monogamous relationship looks like it is coming to an end. In the not too distant future, I will be a single, lonely, middle-aged and tragic figure. I would have expected to be looking for another long-term monogamous relationship, one that would see me through to the grave. That is what I thought. I wanted some memories before that declining last-chapter began. I wanted a bit of youth, some craziness and some sex and intimacy before resigning myself to old age and another attempt at an all encompassing monogamous relationship. After all that is what society expects.

That isn’t me anymore. I have new plans, and it is ironically the Escorts that I have met on the journey, that have changed my mind more than anyone else. Hotel bedroom and dinner booking ‘therapists’ that have shown me things about myself and shown me their own intimate journeys. Their desires, their demons, their lessons have helped me. They have also provided a mirror on my own issues and my own journey.

The Surprising Dynamics

I felt in some crazy way, that I could ‘road-test’ becoming intimate with a future soul mate by courting (seeing) Escorts. I know, madness right? I also felt that although the intimacy was purchased, it really was a ‘Girlfriend Experience’, again madness. So what has happened to me?

I fell in love. Of course I did, I was deprived of intimacy for more than a decade and Escorts for the most part are some of the most awesome and amazing people anyone could meet. Anyone who has read my blog knows that I have fallen hard (more than once). If I couldn’t have love, the I felt that I would give love, and hope for something to come back the other way. Anything really, just some care, some intimacy, some validation and interest. Also madness!

Despite my ignorance and stupidity, something that some parts of this industry depend upon from clients, I have been fortunate. In between my many mistakes, I have met some of the most amazing, and some of the most caring of people. Often, they have no doubt been frustrated with me. Head in hands, going “Bloody Hell Percie, what the fu^k are you thinking”, they have persevered with me. They have changed me. They have taken some real time and effort to help me!

My Friends

All of us meet friends in the most unlikely places. In fact, literally anywhere in our lives. Some friends and connections stick, and some don’t. I have been a very lucky client, as I think I have made a few on this journey. I know some clients write to me and say that they haven’t – and I am truly sorry if that is really the case. I have befriended a few fellow travelers. Perhaps more meaningfully, I have also been fortunate to befriend some Escorts. I have a friend in Sydney, we always have a great time together, and although we don’t see each other often, there are just too many things happening that we share for me to think that a friendship hasn’t formed. She is stuck with me!

I have a friend in Melbourne, although either of our eventual industry retirements will be a test, as I am a middle aged man and she is an amazing young woman. The same in Perth and the same in some other places, New South Wales, Queensland and even further afield. We are friends despite meeting in this industry, rather than because of it. I have also lost contacts I had mistakenly thought were friends. For a while that made me believe that every industry contact would end when the money stopped. Now I realise that is true in most cases, but it isn’t always true or some unavoidable rule.

In the situation where the money stops, and any artifice of friendship ends, if there is something else shared, a valuable exchange of another type between people, then a different future connection emerges. The possibility of a friendship that started within the moments together of an Escort-Client relationship. Some endings hurt as the reality becomes apparent. Now however I know, that in some rare and special cases, other connections will continue. I believe I now have a more mature engagement with this reality.

My Lovers

I don’t believe any of my paid companions love me. Sure I love some of them, but that is the nature of the industry, the gap between client love and escort accommodation of their clients, is the payment and the industry, that lets this dynamic and temporary reality happen in the first place. I will take friendship, and failing that, remembered experiences, as my wonderful result of this journey.

When I am single, I will be once again looking for love. I feel that I am now better prepared for this part of my journey. The challenge will be that I will be looking for it in an environment where I am open, integral with myself, and honest about my needs. I will be open that I have been a client of Escorts, and I may well be again. I know that reduces my chances of meeting people, but that is the approach I intend to take.

When that period of intensity of wanting to be in each others orbit, with nothing else intruding, that initial honey-moon of interactions is over, I will once again want broader experiences. I will want to invite others into my life. I will want to maintain a connection while exploring others. I will want to see other people, paid or unpaid, in an open and honest exchange and re-engage with people I have already met on this journey.

I know that sounds like a fairy-tale. I don’t have that much appeal to win love even in a classical model, let alone in some future utopian model of open relationships. But I don’t care. That is what I am going to do. That is what I will try. I am not ashamed of being a client of Escorts (past, present or future), I am proud of it. It has led me here. It has led me to a person that I actually want to be, a person that I am proud of, a person that needs more than one other person that I am sexually attracted to to be in my life, part of this life, sharing some aspects of the journey with me.

I still have a lot of growing up to do. But I am not going back to where I was and I have some of the most amazing people to thank for this transition. Sometimes these people are called Escorts. To me, they have been teachers, lovers, companions. In a few, a very small few cases, they are my friends.

Thank you for reading. I hope your journey is progressing too. To those most dear to me, I hope you see your place in this story and what you have done for me. I thank you. I love you. I hope I can be there for you as you have been there for me.

Xx SP 20 September 2017

Clingy Clients

Dealing with jealousy and envy …

I have been known to have very strong feelings for the Escorts that I see. So I guess if you read many of my blog articles, you would class me as a ‘clingy client’ – that would be fair enough and hard for me to challenge.

I guess since I have written on this, I talk about it on Twitter, and I generally throw off that ‘vibe’, I also get asked questions from other equally clingy clients. I was asked one such questions recently and it made me think on “how do I deal with this ‘clingy-ness’ and associated feelings of jealousy, envy and abandonment?”

HarbourNights

The Trigger Question

So I was asked … “I need to ask you for my benefit, how did you deal with <Escort that I adored> being with somebody else intimately or when she flirted with other clients on Twitter. I am really struggling with my feelings for <Escort that he adores> and I want to keep that all under wraps, please tell me if there is anything you did that I need to know?”

Wow, what a great question. I don’t know if I have a real answer, because the challenge of sorting through feelings, positive and negative is hard. It is a journey that we are all on, and I am still wading through this very territory myself. Anyway, for whatever it is worth, here is my response.

Some Thoughts On ‘Clingy-ness’

I try to look at it this way. I would never have had the opportunity to meet her if it wasn’t for her profession. She would never have seen me, or continued to see me if she wasn’t working as an Escort, and if I wasn’t a caring, good client, that she wanted to keep seeing, as long as I kept being a good client and kept paying.

The memories and adventures that I have are some of the best in my life. They changed me as a person, they come back to my mind often, and they spur me on. I am getting fitter, healthier (in mind and body) and trying to be a better man, in a very large part because of her. To be worthy of more experiences like that, and maybe one day to have experiences like that with a woman that I can meet, who doesn’t have to have me pay her – not that I mind if I do.

The fact that I had to share her with other men (and women) led to moments of intense jealousy and envy. Those feelings hurt, but they showed that I cared. I also hurt for her when she had a bad booking, or was down, or wasn’t getting enough work, or just had a shitty day. I hurt because she hurt.

When I was only hurting because I hurt, missing her, jealous, envious. I reminded myself that was because I love her and want her to do well, be well, be happy. I wanted a little part of that for me, when we were together in our amazing moments and occasionally in between, and that she wanted to see me again and again was most of the time enough for me.

I also reminded myself that she would not have been in my life at all, if she hadn’t decided to be an Escort, and if I had not decided to become a paying client.

Now that she is completely gone, I would have that back in a heartbeat.

Missing her now, is far harder than the occasional jealousy of another client or some comments on Twitter. I have lost all of her. But even then, I can’t be unhappy for very long. We had what we had for as long as we could have it. Special, unique, unrepeatable moments that will stay with me forever!

I am one very lucky man! Cling to the moments! Be glad of how they came about. It came about because at the time she chose to be an Escort and I chose to be a client. We all have to appreciate the things that allow that dynamic to occur, or all of those moments would never have existed.

Not really a solution I know, but a reality. Thank you for reading. This time I have given you something shorter, but I hope it has some meaning for you too.

Xx SP 13 September 2017.

Guns and Roses

Welcome to the Jungle …

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times …

So far in my journey as a client of escorts, I have five real regrets. Things that given another opportunity I would do differently. That isn’t bad given how many amazing experiences this adventure has given me. My biggest train-wreck, was the Sydney, Guns and Roses concert of February 2017. Strap in, it really is a train-wreck!

This is a complicated tale, it taught me a lot of lessons, it still rears it’s ugly head more than six-months later – it is the disaster that keeps on giving! Yet it all started so innocently, with no indication of the mess that would eventually unfold.

GunsAndRoses

Not In This Lifetime

I was in an Uber on the way to see a comedy performance at the Sydney Comedy Club with one of my closest companions and we were talking about music. At the same moment, we both mentioned that tickets to Guns & Roses, ‘not in this lifetime’ concert in Sydney had just gone on sale that day. Snap! One of those serendipitous moments. I looked at her quizzically, and asked ‘how does a young woman list a band from my youth as one of her favorite performing acts?’. She went on to describe to me the level of her love for Guns & Roses, it was captivating to hear her passion.

So in what seemed like more perfect timing, while stuck in Sydney traffic, I logged on to the ticket site and purchased four VIP section tickets to the show. A show that was over six-months in the future and told my wonderful companion that two of those tickets were hers to use however she wished, as a future Christmas and Birthday gift. She was happy, I was happy, and we were both looking forward to seeing Guns & Roses in the New Year – not as a booking but as a gift. Two separate pairs of tickets. My companion was going to take a friend of hers, another Guns & Roses fan, and I was going to take a childhood friend of mine, who I knew was also obsessed with the band.

Patience

The tickets took a long time to be delivered, in fact they did not arrive until early in the New Year. I think my long-time companion had started to think I would never ‘pony-up’ with the promised tickets. Well as soon as they arrived, I did, and it was wonderful to see the expression of joy on her face when I handed them over. I made it clear again that there we ‘no strings’ attached, and checked with my companion that her ‘non-working’ guest for the concert was going to be fine knowing that one of her clients, was going to be there alongside them. She said it was perfectly fine, no issue at all.

As the concert approached, I got ‘cold-feet’ about bringing one of my old ‘real-life’ friends and having to effectively ‘come-out’ as a client of escorts. I am sure he would have been fine, but as you know, people who don’t know the industry, often change their views about us upon learning about our secret lives. I decided I would either go alone or invite another escort to accompany me. I checked if that would be fine with my original companion. She said it would be stupid for me to go alone and that not only would she have no issue with me bringing another escort, she felt that it would be the best idea. True or not, she made me feel that she would be completely comfortable, and was going to be wholly focused on the concert in any case. So I decided to make a booking out of the remaining fourth ticket.

Think About You

The first person I asked was another regular companion of mine. She was always wonderfully direct with her opinions and I’ll never forget her response, it needs the profanity left in for effect: “I fucking hate Guns and Roses, fat Axl can suck a dog’s dick for all I care”. To which I said, “So I assume that’s a no”. Her reply, “assume what you want, but I am not going”. So I went further afield, and asked a Melbourne regular companion of mine to come up to Sydney with me. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to come to Sydney at that time due to other commitments, but suggested another escort that I hadn’t met as she knew she was a Guns and Roses fan.

I made the request, but then found out that she was now based in Adelaide and not Sydney and the logistics of flight, accommodation, and the fact that it would have been a ‘first meeting’ proved too difficult and I suggested it wouldn’t be workable. So with all of this unexpected difficulty happening all at roughly the same time, I made two big mistakes. Firstly I made a public Twitter post to see if anyone wanted to ‘make a booking out of the concert ticket’, and secondly I sent three private messages (PMs) to escorts that I was close to, to see if they were interested. I did this all in a moment of madness, not sitting back and thinking about what might and probably would happen with this unusual and ill-considered turn of events. Well of course you can guess … it all blew up in my face.

Welcome To The Jungle

So the public post was pure stupidity on my part. Who takes an escort to a rock concert as a first booking, hardly the environment for ‘getting to know each other’. Of course I didn’t think about that before the 140-character disaster was out in public as a Tweet. There were a number of responses. Some telling me I was a fool. Others accusing me of creating competition for a booking. Some asking to come along and some very nice legitimate approaches from escorts who were Guns and Roses fans. Later I would meet two of the escorts who made kind and legitimate approaches, and I had lovely bookings with each of them. I also managed to create a few waves and some other people who took offense at the whole thing. Some of whom have still not forgiven my mistake, even after all of this time and even though it had nothing to do with them.

Worse that that, were the private messages. I think my brain had taken the day off that day. After the ‘Axl can suck a dog’s dick’ response and the difficulty in gaining interest from some other close contacts, I assumed that it was unlikely that any of the three escorts I sent private messages to would want to, or be able to go with me to the concert. Of course what do they say about assumptions? Well of course two wonderful escorts that I already had a strong connection with were able to go, and they responded to what they assumed was a single invitation. Ironically at almost exactly the same moment. Yes, you are right, it was stupid … I had seriously fucked up.

Ain’t It Fun

I took the response from the person I thought my original gift recipient might get along with best, not that there was much in it, and then tried to explain my mistake to the escort that I had to ‘let down’ with bad news. It didn’t go well. She was offended, felt that I had embarrassed and belittled her and not respected our connection and her professional reputation. I tried to eat humble pie and apologize, I had stuffed up after all, however she took it far worse than I imagined even given my large error of judgment. She demanded that I bring a specific gift to our next booking that was the same value as the ticket. I said that I wouldn’t be doing that, as although I agreed that I had made a mistake, I wasn’t going to be told to bring a gift to a booking.

That was the beginning of the end for our client-escort relationship. Conversations about our next booking got worse. She asked for a deposit for the first time blaming my ‘flakiness’ for needing it. I knew it was about the concert and in the end I cancelled our next planned booking and paid a cancellation fee instead. This companion and I had a significant journey together, I liked her (and still like her) a lot, but it doesn’t take a lot to damage the ‘fantasy’ and break a client-escort connection. I had ‘loaded the gun’ with my stupid mistake and my companion wasn’t going to let me off the hook – eventually pulling the trigger. The first private casualty of this story, added to the public damage that I had already caused myself. I still miss her and our time together.

Paradise City

The day of the concert arrived. My wonderful companion turned up for lunch at Cafe Sydney in the most beautiful, sexy and largely see-through dress. Spoiling me and distracting a lot of male (and female) guests at the restaurant. It was a stinking hot day in Sydney, 40-degrees, and the open deck at Cafe Sydney doesn’t cope well with that sort of heat. We both sweltered in the heat, but had a great time, enjoying cold champagne, seafood and lots of laughs over our predicament and the evening ahead. We retired to the Shangri La Hotel for a couple of hours of fun in a much cooler environment, looking out over a beautiful Sydney harbour on a warm summer’s day. It was a magnificent lunch-time booking, a great time after a number of previously great moments together.

We prepared to head over to the concert, but got caught up in more conversations and some more drinking. In the end, with heavy traffic also slowing us down, we only arrived at our amazing vantage point, at the front of one of the VIP areas, as the first Guns and Roses song was drawing to a close. Caught up in the ‘booking’ part of the afternoon, we arrived late to the supposed key event of the day – the Sydney Guns and Roses concert. Not surprisingly my earlier companion and her friend had been there early, soaking up the environment and the support act, and upon our arrival greeted me with: “OMG, trust you to be late to the concert, glad you finally made it”. Or at least it was something like that, it was too loud with the starting second song for me to know for sure what she said.

The concert was great. Ironically, a song-by-song recap of the concert isn’t the purpose of this article. At the end, the four of us walked out together and then tried to find an Uber to take us back to the Sydney CBD. That was a forty-minute saga of wandering around Homebush and trying to find a place to meet up with a not very helpful Uber driver in a precinct where most of the streets were closed to traffic. Finally we got in a car, that dropped myself and my companion for the concert in Sydney, and then took my earlier companion and her guest on to their destination. It was weird to be on a booking with one companion while observing another being out with her friend in public. I don’t recommend that as a good dynamic, it makes for some uncomfortable moments.

Nightrain

It was late. My companion agreed to allow me to collect some things I had left at her in-call and spend a bit of time having some drinks and unwinding. I agreed to leave the minute that she told me to go. It was not an intimate moment together, it was a lot of talking by two tired but hyped-up people after a loud rock concert and a wonderful afternoon. As happens in the early hours of the morning, time passes at a different rate and by the time my companion said, you had better get going, it was close to 3am. I walked back to my hotel and sent a thank you message and got a brief and equally pleasant one back, saying that my lovely companion had enjoyed the lunch, concert and our time together.

The next morning, I woke up to a new additional message. It accused me of ‘short-changing’ her, stating that the envelope had $300 less than expected and my long, late conversation with her had also cost her a morning booking. The message was that I now owed a further $800 for the lost income and overstay. It was a very different tone to the night before and all of our other conversations, and it caught me completely by surprise. I had been to the bank and put the whole withdrawal into the envelope, so I couldn’t understand (and still don’t understand) how it could have been short, unless the bank short-changed me, I dropped some of the money, or something else happened during the evening. It was certainly not intentional and I was completely devastated – I am not that guy. I was upset with this message, however I took it on face value and immediately paid the $1,100 that I had been asked to pay.

I am not going into my reasons here, but although my companion was entitled to ask for what she did, I felt that it was unfair for some private reasons. So although I paid the additional amount, it diminished the whole day for me and the way it was handled also impacted upon my previously positive relationship with this companion. I miss her, I respect her, she is a wonderful, highly regarded and successful escort and a lovely person, but it ended our connection and I have not seen or spoken with her since. So in the end, even my companion for the concert was a casualty from this rolling disaster.

Don’t Cry

So at least two wonderful escorts now dislike me, and my journey of meetings with them ended. One as a result of declining their acceptance of the invitation, and the other with overstaying and payment confusion. A number of people who showed interest in the Twitter post were left with a bad perception of me. An even greater number watched the train-wreck unfold online and some of them felt that it was such a great sin by a client that they remind me still six-months later. Even my closest companion’s ‘non-working’ guest for the evening, her friend, while we were wandering around Homebush after the concert asked her in a quiet voice that I overheard … “is he a dick?”. Those words, that question, has echoed in my mind many times since.

Firstly, I wonder if my companion thought on that question herself? I’ve wondered what her true perception of me was. Am I ‘a dick’ to even my closest escort companions? I’ve also thought more specifically about that evening and the surrounding events. It wasn’t my finest hour. I got carried away with the “I have tix” mentality and over-valued the gift that I gave to my wonderful companion – I should have bought her separate tickets and not even been there in attendance with her. It took away from the generosity and thankfulness that I wanted to show to her for all the amazing things that she had done for me. I was the old-guy cramping her style.

I put it out on Twitter in a thoughtless manner. I did not give enough consideration to other escorts that I was already seeing and who might really appreciate the invitation. I hurt a regular companion and I overstayed with another. I was a dick. I never intended to hurt anyone, but I did. I could have been so much better than I was. Of course when you hurt people you care about, you really end up hurting yourself. My regrets are for the people I know, like, care about and were there or otherwise involved.

Out Ta Get Me

The people I don’t give a toss about are the self-rightous bystanders who love to attack one of the few active clients on social media who talks about their journey. The same people who complain when they are misunderstood, not cut slack themselves by others, or slighted by clients, other workers or society at large. If you can’t see the hypocrisy in attacking me for something that was harmless to you, a story that you have no idea about what really happened, or use as some excuse for accusing me of even worse (perceived and untrue) behaviours, then I no longer care. Here is the real story from my perspective. The story of a flawed client, who makes mistakes and often doesn’t know the consequences of experiences that I am having for the first time. The public mistakes of a client who is trying to do the right thing, but not always succeeding.

This whole saga was rich with lessons and saddened with consequences. Good bye to the wonderful people I met and lost as a consequence of my mistakes with this concert. I still value our time together, I miss you and I wish you well. I would change things about this period if I could, but like all things in life, the lessons are also valuable and I’m not sure I should ‘give them back’ even if I could.

One In a Million

I still feel like I am so lucky even to have the experiences that don’t go so well. To have the companions that have stuck with me, despite sometimes ‘being a dick’, well they are one-in-a-million, and they have made my journey one-in-a-million too.

Thank you again for reading. As you can probably expect, I am nervous about this piece, I don’t come out looking so great and I am probably just giving more ammunition to those who already like to take a swipe. My only request, keep any guess work and judgement on others involved private. This is my story and my version of events.

Xx SP 4 September 2017