It seems strange looking backwards, to think that my journey as a ‘Client of Escorts’ has clear and distinct stages. Some relatively identifiable transitions and noticeably different periods. As I reflected on my journey in preparation for this unusual blog article, I felt great joy, but also rather profound sadness. Thinking about these phases is in many ways a personal meditation on the extreme highs and lows of my journey.
I am not suggesting that these stages apply to every client that sees multiple escorts and is active over an extended period. It is just what happened to me, so far, along the pathway of a two year adventure.
The Beginning – Discovery Stage
I have written previously on how I began as a client, especially in the article ‘Becoming A Client’. Here I am talking in a less personal and more collective sense. A reflection on phases. Beginning with my first six-months as a client of the Escort industry. I don’t know how to explain this stage without sharing some numbers. Something that I have avoided in this blog until now, but my personal actions and the clarity of these stages, needs some explanation and some detail.
Over the first six-months, I met twelve Escorts. By the end of that first six-months, the three that I had connected with the most, I had met ten, eight and seven times respectively. Yes, I was hooked early and I did have a lot of bookings. I was careful in research back then, taking a long time to choose who I wanted to see. I selected in a slow and considered process, from a combination of online profiles and close observation of what these Escorts seemed to be like on social media.
I chose well. I was also infatuated with the Escorts that I met. It was such an exciting change from the lonely years that predated this journey. I liked pretty much all of the Escorts that I met, and I wanted to keep seeing all of them. I was trying to keep a growing number of connections open, and progress the strengthening connection with each of these different but amazing women. By the end of six-months, the only way that I could keep doing this, was to make more frequent bookings.
I was starting to realise that I couldn’t meet many new people and still keep seeing the Escorts that I had already met. As the first six-months came to an end, I came to my first sad realisation. This discovery dynamic of meeting new people, while continuing to see others I had met as well, just couldn’t keep going in the same way. It is pretty simple maths really, but who wants to consider maths in this type of emotional situation.
There is some change that comes with time in any case. Out of the first twelve Escorts that I met, four have since retired from the industry. In another two cases, the Escort is based somewhere that I don’t get to travel to very often, and as a result, they were single booking encounters. In three other cases, some of which you may have already read about on my blog, our individual connection ended. Often the ‘endings’ were not particularly pleasant. They never ended ‘within a booking’, but in the messages, complexity and communication spaces that sit in between these fantasy moments.
In fact the three ‘Escort relationships’ I have had that ended the most awkwardly, all started within this ‘beginning period’ and then ended in the next stage of my journey. I had fourteen, thirteen and eleven bookings with these three lovely Escorts. Even today, although the various reasons for ending contact were all appropriate, I still miss all three of these intimate connections. The adventures of those first six months were so new and rich with experience, it is hard not to reflect, remember and sometimes miss the sheer newness of that period. I think it was some sort of awakening – it was certainly a period of personal discovery and enjoyment for me.
Three of the wonderful Escorts from this first phase, I am still privileged to continue to book today. The number of total bookings with each of them is climbing, and it is amazing to be building on a connection that includes a lengthening history together. They have been with me as I have moved through these phases and it is hard not to view these connections as friendships, because they feel like deep, intimate and beautiful friendships. After all, they have weathered my changing phases and still agree to see me. They are deeply important women to me. Each in their own way, they have changed me, supported me, loved me, and given my whole journey a continuity that I would be lost without. The beauty in these relationships also protects me in darker moments, and when confronted with some of the less positive aspects of this industry.
The Explosion – Experience Stage
A lot of my blog articles talk about this stage. After all, I didn’t start bloging until I had been a client for over a year, so I was in the later part of this second period when I started to write. Articles like ‘Addicted to Escorts’ are probably a good illustration of this period of wanting to ‘experience it all’. That ‘kid in a candy store’ dynamic has its own set of issues, and I wrote articles like ‘Single Booking Sadness’ and ‘What Went Wrong’ when I was dealing with no longer being able to make repeat bookings with every wonderful Escort that I met.
I am not going to say how many Escorts I met during this period, that is a level of private revelation that I’m not ready to open up to at this stage. What I can say, is that I met a number of amazing women, that had they been bookings in the ‘Discovery Phase’, I would most likely have seen them on more occasions than I ultimately did. With some of these bookings, I think back to the Escort and our one or two bookings with great fondness, and have wondered many times, if I had met them at the start, or now, not while I was in a phase of expanding my experiences, would things have been different. I believe they would. Sometimes it isn’t about ‘who you meet’, it is just as critically about ‘when you meet’. I certainly met some Escorts at the wrong time.
Despite the challenge of trying to balance seeing established regulars with a rush of new first time experiences, I still met some Escorts that I continue to see today. Some are close companions that I have seen on a significant number of occasions. I guess the point that I’m trying to make here, is that a growing regular connection was just ‘less likely’ to start with a client who was going through this crazy expansion period. During this stage, there was an element of ‘loving the thrill’ as much as ‘loving the individuals’.
A lot of the ‘angst’ in my early blog articles came from contradictory emotions that emerged during this stage. A sort of battle between the emotions of desiring experience, learning and discovery, in a tension and conflict with emotions that are about the specific personal connections between two people. In some cases the individual connections got collateral damage from the bigger journey, self-discovery and overall adventure that was happening with me at the time.
The Equilibrium – Settling Stage
More recently, I have come to find some form of equilibrium. I don’t see that many new Escorts that I haven’t met before any longer. It happens, occasionally I want that ‘first-meeting’ adrenaline and thrill again. The chance of meeting another close connection. It happens. Recently I have met a few Escorts that I am thrilled to be getting to know and seeing again. If I hadn’t still had the occasional new booking, I would have missed out on meeting some of the Escorts that I adore. The reality however is that this happens slowly, over a longer period of time, and largely as someone else retires or the connection closes for some other reason with a longer established companion.
Overall I have less bookings, most of them are with people that I feel I have come to know quite well, and I feel that they know something about me too. It is a stage that also has its challenges. It is hard not to fall at least partially in love with someone who you desperately want to stay in your life. Some of the articles like ‘Loving An Escort’ and ‘Staying In The Moment’, talk about the challenges of ‘keeping it about the booking’, when there is a growing interpersonal connection and a person (or people) that you (and I mean of course me) are thinking about regularly. Sneaking into your consciousness and even into your dreams.
With these regular connections, there are songs, smells, places and other triggers that re-make the connection at random times. So it is fine to say, ‘keep it to the booking’, but my mind has a way of filling in the ‘in-between’ places as well. I have found in this more recent phase, the phase that I believe I am still currently in, that the ‘Post-Booking Melancholy’ can be profound and deep. These wonderful women have entered my soul and although I can ‘keep it to the booking’, and respect boundaries and honour the connection, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that is a challenge. It is challenging because there really is a form of love that lives in this space.
I don’t know what else is to come. As I wrote in ‘Changed Man’ recently, there are other sources of changes and forces on my life outside of this journey and inside it as well. I know that other Escorts that I am close to will retire at some point. I know that ‘buying moments’ is unlikely to remain my primary manner of sexual intimacy forever. So there will be other stages, I just don’t know what they are yet. Maybe a different sort of equilibrium, maybe a decline phase, or maybe an extended ‘hiatus’ or ‘gap’. I don’t know. Many of you who read my blog have been clients for much longer than me. Maybe you would like to comment on your own phases. Have you been, gone, come back. Or do you see things very differently to me.
Perhaps if you are at the start, in that wonderful period of discovery. Then the one bit of bad news, or good news, is that the one constant is that things will change. People come into your life and they go out of it. I feel like I have formed some emotional ‘scar tissue’ from having strong feelings, then loss, and then other new strong feelings. There is a pervasive sadness that builds and grows over time, but it is the price of the adventure, the dark contrast to the lightness of amazing memories and experiences. I can’t give up the sadness, because it is the garden that all these amazing experience are growing within. There is no going back, and there is no way in hell that I would ever want to.
For every companion that I have met, I hope that some of this makes sense to you in the way that it does to me. You have all had a profound impact on me, that has made me a better person, and these connections and experiences are still shaping me into an even better man.
To my three companions that remain from the very beginning, I really don’t know how you have stuck with me through this journey. You know that I love you, and I want to say thank you once again!
Thank you as always for your readership. I would love to hear your experiences, your stages and your opinions. To those companions still with me, I truly and deeply thank you for continuing to let me share moments together with you.
Xx SP 12 October 2017