Today seems like a special day. It is an anniversary, an eve, a celebration and a commiseration – it is a milestone that just needed some things to be said.
Today I feel as good as I have in a long, long time. Tomorrow I have minor surgery, and in the weeks and months ahead, I have big, big, life changes planned. So cheers!
Tomorrow, I have minor surgery. My nasal septum is getting straightened and my tonsils are coming out. Then I will be in recovery for a couple of weeks. As with all surgery, there are some minor risks, and that made me want to write something – just in case.
Today is also the second anniversary of my first booking with an Escort who still likes to see me. That is a wonderful milestone for me, the start of a third-year with an adored companion who has been with me almost since my beginning as a client.
So here are my toasts, just some things I would like to celebrate with all of the appropriate people when I’m back in good health.
To all of my companion lovers, whether we met once or many times, in my journey of a little over two years, you have all changed me, improved me, loved me and shared experiences with me. This has been the best two (and a bit) years of my life.
A Little More Specific.
To those I don’t see anymore, I remember you! Those that have retired I think on your journey and wish you well regularly. For those that I chose not to see again (yet), that doesn’t mean your impact wasn’t enormous. For those that have chosen not to see me any more, I wish you well too.
I am sorry if I asked for too little or too much, gave too little or too much, or created any other dynamic where continuation wasn’t desired. I once saw this as a negative reflection on my personal wish to be a ‘good client’. Now I know that every relationship is personal, individual and complex. I know I am a good client – an exceptional one actually – but I am not eveyone’s ‘good client’. I am just a good match with a small number of people. That is as it should be.
I have also fallen for companions. Not expecting any change in our dynamic – I just fell in love. That created it’s own issues, because hurts can be far more profound. I have learned from these connections too and also from those wonderful people who wanted more from me than I could give.
It is a strange thing, that so many of our relationships are out of balance. What we want from some, others want from us, and the number of times this is in a complete harmonic balance is so small and even then, often only temporary. We all need to learn to live with gaps, contrast, disharmony and still make our own journey joyful, balanced and in harmony. I feel I am starting to learn this and for me, that harmony depends on connections with many people.
People I love and don’t love me in return. People that love me and I have lesser love for them. People passing through. Contacts, blockers, lovers, haters, givers, takers and all sorts of people in different stages and with different needs. I am blessed to have this richness in my life, my life is not dull.
I am a very lucky man and I expect to be even luckier in the future. I am choosing this surgery as a pathway to a better future. I am making hard life decisions for the positive consequences that they will bring. I am exiting people from my life, and bringing in others, so that I can enrich their lives and they can enrich mine.
Every step has risks. Risk that it is an end, in one way or another. Risks of pain, hurt, upset and offense. With every risk, there is the potential for reward. Breathing freely, without regular throat infections and snoring is a reward for tomorrow’s risks.
My journey in this industry is similar. Risks of meeting new people. Rewards of making longer-term and regular contacts. Risks of writing and the rewards of thinking and receiving feedback. Pain from loses, hurts and ‘lessons’. Pain from involuntarily hurting others. But joy, friends, experiences, fun and wonderful intimacy. So much joy and so many people that I think about at every spare moment.
If you think I don’t mean you, you are probably wrong. If we have met, I think about you, I value you and I am blessed by the time we have had together. I hope we get to share more of our journey together.
Xx SP 26 February 2018