OMG Escort Rates

One client’s perspective on escort rates – yes I went there!

Don’t talk about rates! Pay what is asked!

These are the two golden rules of rates when it comes to clients and escorts. Don’t talk about rates, don’t talk about rates, don’t talk about rates! Pay what is asked or walk away!

So why, in only my second blog article, am I tackling possibly the most controversial topic of all? Plus why did I come back on 3 May 2017 and again on 6 May 2018, and add some additional edits to this article? Am I crazy?

MoneyRates

Rates from one clients perspective.

Perhaps the third rule is ‘don’t discuss what role rates play’ in the escort and client dynamic and client’s decision making process. Now here is some territory that perhaps isn’t that well understood, because we never really talk about it. So remembering that this is only my perspective, here we go …

Why does an escort charge a certain rate?

At some level this is market forces at work, the same as almost any service industry, but with some major differences. A client normally doesn’t know, and shouldn’t know the basis of an individual escort’s rate decisions. Maybe the escort only wants a certain volume of bookings and lifts their price to reduce quantity, as a result maximising their earning potential from a lower volume approach. Maybe it is the opposite, and rates are lower to maximise the quantity of bookings and win new clients in a full-time, higher volume approach. That decision is private and largely secret and there are many personal factors involved.

There are a huge number of personal and business reasons for choosing a particular set of rates and that is entirely up to the escort – end of discussion. Something many clients (a couple of my own very early mistakes included) take some time to learn. As a client, when you would like to see a particular escort, and feel that their rate is higher than your payment comfort level – walk away – seriously, walk away … it is the only option. Almost no discussion past this point ever ends well.

Why does a client choose to book at certain rate(s)?

Again this is private for many of the same reasons: volume, personal finances, preferred booking format (duration and type) and again a host of other private reasons. So all I can speak to is my own experience. Over time I have settled into a preferred booking type (duration) that I mix around a little for both new experiences and some variety. I also have a preferred pricing rate, or more accurately a pricing range, that again I play around with from time to time. I am fairly comfortable with where I fit, and the type of escorts that I generally like to see.

The reason for the ‘format’ preference is that it works best for my personality, desires and comfort within a booking. The reason for the rate-range is that it is where most of the escorts I see regularly price their service. Purchasing comfort, and after a while a sense of fairness and loyalty, as much as anything else, keeps me largely within that preferred rate range.

Everyone’s range and preference is different, and they shouldn’t be shamed, just as every escort’s rate can be different, and they shouldn’t be shamed or questioned either. Both the escort’s pricing decisions and the client’s buying decisions should be respected – where they match bookings should occur, and where they don’t match, bookings should not occur. It’s pretty simple at that level, when we keep entitlement, jealousy, competitiveness and other comparisons out of the mix and decision process.

What are the signals given by rate choices?

There are however many signals given to prospective clients by selecting certain rates and rate structures. I say prospective clients, because rates are part of the escort’s ‘marketing mix’ before a client has seen that escort. After the first meeting, the price may be a future barrier or incentive to re-booking, but it isn’t simply about first-booking marketing any more. For prospective clients, the time lengths and booking selections on offer and their price differences ‘say something’ about the escort, their preferences and ‘booking type’ fit. Here are a couple of over-simplified examples.

If an escort has a reducing scale for longer bookings it tends to signal a preference for longer dates (compared to more hours being on the same unchanging hourly rate). If a dinner booking is significantly less than the same number of hours for a comparable straight booking, then it would seem to signal that dinner bookings are a preferred, or at least enjoyed booking type (especially if the escort says as much and talks about food and dining in their profile). If overnight and weekend rates have a significant reduction on the base hourly rate, then once again a signal is sent. This may not be true or even the deliberate intention of the escort, but it is the signal that is sent to a potential first time client in any case. These pricing signals combine with photos, bios, social media and other elements in the client’s selection of who they are going to try and book.

Value and cost, or if you prefer, the apparent hierarchy of escort rates?

This is possibly where most of the angst about rates comes from – what is an escort worth? How do they compare? What does a higher rate buy? I don’t like or even agree with any of these questions for the following reasons that I hope are obvious.

The escort-client booking is almost unique compared to most other financial transactions. The difference between a good experience and a bad experience is as far apart as any service can be. A client can spend the same amount of money with two escorts and have, in one case the best experience of their life, and in the other case an experience they would wish to forget – one is priceless, the other (at best) is a waste of money. For an escort, the gulf between good and bad is even more profound – it is the enormous gap between an enjoyable connection and putting their life at risk – the full range of possibilities that exist in human interaction, one is relatively easy money and the other is not worth any amount of money.

Put another way, one extreme asks the question – why wouldn’t everyone want to do this as a profession? The other extreme – why would anyone do this with such great potential risk attached? This dialogue leads into perceptions, society, bad clients, good clients, sexism and a host of topics for another time (which as at the time of updating this article over a year later, I still haven’t had the courage to tackle that many of these sensitive areas). Within these ranges, talk of ‘is it worth the money’ is almost nonsensical. Personally I have had many experiences that I will never forget and I have also had one or two rare ones, that I wish I had forgotten already – at those extremes, the value for money conversation makes no sense at all.

An escort is worth far more than their rate.

The range of experience and quality has very little to do with pricing and rate. It also varies enormously between one encounter where there is a good connection and another encounter where the client and escort simply don’t ‘click’. Depending upon needs, connection and a host of non-monetary ‘compatibility’ elements, the connection between escort and client is largely independent of rate. My experiences do not correlate at all with rate. I have had mind-blowing bookings with ‘lower-rate’ escorts and not-so-great ones with ‘higher-rate’ escorts. Really after the booking is made, a client should try and forget the rate and enjoy the ‘date’ as by that point, the amount spent has lost any relevance on the experience. The trick is finding where the balance lies and then sticking with it as much as possible – specifically the dynamic of ‘regulars’ (a topic I covered after this initial article, looking at rates and the impact on maintaining ongoing ‘regular’ client-escort connections).

So an escort chooses their rate as an earning and business decision, it is not a reflection of their value – any quality escort is ‘worth’ so much more than their ‘rate’. An escort is selling a service, provided personally for a set time – they are not selling themselves and as a result the rate is their pricing on the value of their service, it is not their personal value.

For a client, their spending rate is also a capacity and personal decision, it should not be seen as stating or inferring value and a good client knows that they are getting more than their money is worth, and for that reason, clients should ‘add value’ to the date. Clients should ‘bring additional value’ with manners, a nice environment, being at our best (attire, hygiene, cleanliness, sober and in a good frame-of-mind) and anything else that shows real value for another human being’s time, where money does not. Clients who think about ‘giving more than their money’ are generally going to get a far better experience, and the value and enjoyment is increased for both the client and escort alike.

More to say?

I had hoped to get into regulars, rate changes, discounting, gifts and other connected topics, but this is already too long an article, so more another day. A little of this was added later under ‘Discounts, promos and rates’ if you are interested in that follow up article. Obviously I am interested in your comments and thoughts. This is only my view, so please don’t get into heated debate. I am only speaking for myself and my experience, not for every client and certainly not for escorts – please add your perspective here in comments if you want or through discussion on Twitter.

Thanks so much for your readership!

Xx SP 7 March 2017 (article updated 3 May 2017 and again when republished on 6 May 2018).

Making it Regular

Building a regular client-escort relationship. Some thoughts …

Dynamics of more regular client-escort relationships.

If you’ve been a client of escorts for any length of time, you will probably end up with a regular companion (or possibly more than one regular escort). Every successful escort is also more than likely to have their core group of regular clients as well.

Maintaining this connection should be enjoyable, fulfilling and highly desirable for both parties, it can also be a huge challenge. This article starts an exploration of the topic of ‘regulars’.

KitKats

So who chooses to make it a ‘regular’ situation?

Perhaps the general thinking is that it is the client. The client makes a ‘first-booking’ decision, finding an escort that works for them in whatever way is important, and then continues over time to make further repeat, and ultimately regular bookings with this preferred companion.

I think however that astute escorts should also (and do also) play perhaps the major role in this dynamic, effectively choosing the clients that they would ‘like’ as regulars and then making it appealing for these clients to ‘stick’ in a regular booking relationship for as long as it lasts. The dynamic is a mutual one.

We can’t all be regulars! There is maths involved in availability.

Many clients make multiple bookings. For escorts, winning these new clients (in the marketing sense) can be hard work, and the idea of developing a cohort of established, regular and financially valuable clients makes a sensible part of any business strategy. So a successful escort, attracting clients and making the volume of bookings that they want, may ultimately have a quantity of regular clients that makes sense for their individual business model.

These regulars can be ‘chosen’ at random, as the end result of clients choosing, of their own accord, who they want to ‘repeat book’. Alternatively, an escort can play a role in choosing the ‘type of client’ that they want as one of their regulars. After all we can all only have so many regulars, so it makes sense for all involved to participate actively in this ‘choice’. An escort should maximise her business for the best possible fit and results, and ‘choose’ the clients that best make this happen for them.

How do we choose each other as regulars?

Perhaps I am not as good a client as I think, but my experience is that there is rarely any incentive offered by most escorts to ‘hold’ regular clients – at least from my observation and discussions. I am not talking about special deals, discount-pricing or ‘frequent flyer’ type arrangements, I am simply talking about classical ‘client relationship’ hooks. Special communication, notification of availability and desire to ‘catch-up’, small signs of appreciation, ideas for future bookings and any extra dose of incentive, matched to the escorts individuality, that will hold the attention of a client they would like as a regular over the competing forces in the industry that may ‘drag them away’.

(Update note (April 2018): this is not really true for me anymore. I have some regulars who go to great effort to understand me, be kind to me, and work together on our booking plans. It isn’t about discounts or special-deals, it just about each of us making the other feel special. So I am hooked of course and hopefully they don’t mind me as a client. I guess the editorial note here, is that this takes some time – for example the time since I first wrote this article more than a year ago.)

After all, holding a regular and reliable client makes business sense – it is by definition generally more reliable, safer, easier (if the selection is right) and hopefully more mutually enjoyable.

So why does this fail so often?

I’m still getting my head around this and there is clearly no single reason. The obvious reasons include clients and escorts retiring or changing their habits, desires or any other aspect of their ‘way of operating’. Financial situations change, successful escorts may ‘price themselves’ out of a former regular’s financial capacity or other financial details may change. People grow apart, or things do not ‘improve’, even in the unusual client-escort relationship world, relationship dynamics happen.

There is also the whole industry force of ‘swapping’ – the client finds a new favorite or the reverse happens and the escort has a new, preferred group of regular clientèle. The group of forces that perhaps intrigue me more, are even more subversive, sub-conscious and oh so human. I’m calling these reasons for the failure of regular ‘client-escort’ relationships … The Test!

So what is The Test?

We all know something about clients ‘choosing’ particular escorts for the first time and also the screening and other reverse ‘selection’ or perhaps more appropriately ‘approval’ processes that escorts use in varying ways. Far less discussion exists around what happens in terms of ‘additional filtering and selection’ in later dates. I have come, for simplicity’s sake, to call this The Test.

It can be anything. It is also generally administered by both the escort and the client (usually very differently and at different times), but it is almost always to ‘test’ that there is a regular relationship and it is most likely not even a conscious act. A client may ask for a favour, expect more time, something to be said, a special thank-you or just be surprisingly obnoxious (probably without realizing it) hoping to not be ‘rejected’ … a test that happens in many relationships. What the client is looking for, is some sign from the escort that they have a ‘special’ relationship, that their connection can survive the occasional ‘bump in the road’. Unfortunately, all to often, they can’t.

If the client, doesn’t get a sign, or worse yet a degradation in the relationship, it is likely that there won’t be many more bookings. This isn’t restricted to clients. Escorts may also ‘test a client’, to see if they are ‘above others’ in the mind of the client and similar unusual behaviours may be sub-consciously conducted to see ‘will my regular still re-book’ and therefore is our relationship more special and durable than others. These are self-destructive human actions that happen all the time and more often than not end the regular relationship – especially if they persist over time.

It is strange that we don’t do ‘deliberately positive’ reinforcements more often, maybe we are hard-wired to test our friends, lovers and even paid or paying partners. I think the study of this alone would be interesting work, but as usual the psychology or sociology of sex-work is almost as taboo in society’s thinking as the act, and I certainly don’t have any hard evidence to base any of this on.

So what does it all mean?

Don’t ask me, I can’t work all this complexity out. The only thing I know is that my success rate for the ‘testing dynamic’ isn’t that great. I’ve lost regular companions because we ‘tested’ each other out, before I even knew that this was a thing or that I had this self-destructive thing within me.

I survived another ‘test’, where I am ashamed to say, I was the one doing the testing (not deliberately of course), but now that I look backwards, I can see that she was a very special person to have survived what I regretfully and sub-consciously ‘tested’ her with. It probably made our connection weaker, but now that I am aware of my physiological weakness here, I am increasingly determined to use positive relationship building rather than accidentally stress-testing connections to see if they hold. It’s a work in progress, I have my issues and neediness that made me a client in the first place still being resolved. I always try and improve, be better, but it is a journey that includes the occasional backward step.

In other cases, I hope that I can see this coming and also recognise if an escort is ‘testing me’, rather than just the situation where we are not compatible as regulars.

Sorry no profound answers here, but hopefully something for you to consider in your own journey. Comments and feedback as always most welcome. Plus I hold no anger, only sadness, with any of my endings and wish everyone I have come into contact with on this journey only the best upon their own.

Xx SP 8 March 2017 (article updated 6 May 2017 and again 17 April 2018).