Interview With An Escort

Guest article – an escort’s perspective. Interview with Mischa.

Guest Article – Interview with Mischa.

Today marks the first ‘guest authored’ blog post on this site. We are going to hear from an Australian escort, Mischa, about her perspective and experiences.

Conducted by email and phone, I asked Mischa a series of questions, and eleven of those responses are included here. I know that my other posts are from a client perspective, but here as a change of pace, is the perspective of a working Australian escort.

DomCelebrations

Mischa, how did you become a sex-worker and what was the early journey like?

My foray into escort work began the same way that I suspect a lot of other escorts did, with a broken heart. I had been in a relationship with a man that was considerably older than I was, and married. When he unceremoniously broke up with me via email, I saw working as an escort as a way to give other men what I had given him: intimacy, conversation, and new adventures that were not a threat to his everyday life as a husband and a father. Working as an escort would also provide me with the opportunity to earn money to cover university, textbooks, and other expenses.

Aside from the financial benefits and my genuine love of the job, I do have an additional reason for working as an escort. Just as you (PB) have written about ‘wanting to reclaim some of your youth before it is gone’, I am trying to make the most of my youth while I still have it. I’m scared that if I don’t, I will one day turn into the mother from the Adrian Lux song, Teenage Crime. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check it out.

What are you proud of, or feel is your best ‘sex-work asset’?

My plan was always to work within a model that made myself and clients feel valued and comfortable. I have very few clients, almost all of them are regulars and they are just the most pulchritudinous individuals that you could ever meet. I am always genuinely excited to see any one of them. One client recently described me as “a polygamous sugar baby”, which I thought was funny and probably quite accurate! GFE is definitely what I excel at, but I have been taking some classes in BDSM just to keep things interesting.

What are your plans for the future?

At this stage, I plan to continue working part-time as an escort until I either finish university or meet my own semi-silver fox (applications welcome!)

Do you have any thoughts on the industry that you would like to share?

I strongly believe that the in-call laws in Victoria need to be modified to be in line with other states. I also think that sometimes there is not enough understanding about just how much work goes into being an escort. Aside from the marketing and business side of things, you really need to possess a genuine ebullience. A generally calm and upbeat disposition and sense of adventure are a must. You need to be resilient and emotionally stable.

It amazes me when clients introduce themselves with a disclaimer that they consider themselves to be old and fat. I genuinely don’t notice physicality. Every client has a certain kalon all of their own. I love it when I can make a client laugh. I feel a great sense of accomplishment when someone tells me that they’ve had a great time.

Do you feel isolated or discriminated against as a sex-worker?

I’ve only felt discriminated against as a sex worker twice, once when a guy that I liked indicated that he wasn’t interested in me, and I highly suspect that it was because he knew about my escort work. The second time was when Instagram deleted my account, despite the fact that it contained no graphic content.

What makes a great booking? 

Flanter! (That’s a word from Geordie Shore. Flirting + banter = flanter!) Pre-booking contact is a great way to get to know a little about each other, it can help make everything flow beautifully. Repeat bookings are always fantastic, especially if you have discussed different things with the client that they would like to try. The more information that clients give escorts before they meet, the better. When you really ‘click’ with a client, it is an indescribable feeling of joy for me, and hopefully for them too.

What have you yet to do or experience?

I do have a secret ‘Sexual Bucket List’. I’d like to accompany clients to platonic events or on trips more often. Longer bookings are always my favourite, which is why I don’t typically offer one hour bookings. Some of my most memorable experiences have been with clients that have had me with them for two days and two nights.

Do you have an experience or anecdote that you feel like sharing?

I’m not ‘out’ with anyone in my real life. My family is quite close so I have always tried to hide my travel from my parents. However, when I lived in Queensland, I would sometimes ask them to feed my cat (not a euphemism by the way) while I was away. One day, after I had called my Mum to ask her to feed Mr Cat, she forgot to press ‘end’ straight away after we’d finished speaking. Clear as day, I heard her say to my Dad, “Why is she going away again? Do you think she’s running a drug trafficking ring?”. Recently I briefly mentioned to a client my intention to one day undergo a rhinoplasty. He replied with, “I’m not seeing you anymore. I’m not funding rubbish”.

Mischa, do you have a message you would love to get out to people?

I would encourage men (and women) to keep an open mind about seeing an escort. There is still this misconception that seeing a sex worker is absolutely taboo. Our lives are so short, and I strongly believe that we have a responsibility to ourselves to try every human experience possible. I would encourage everyone to put aside any anxiety or misgivings and try it. It’s so much less messy than having an affair. Even if you are between relationships or happily single, skin-to-skin contact and affection is still important. No two bookings (even with the same client) are ever the same. From frantic, urgent sex to slow and sensual and everything in between, every booking is an adventure.

What has surprised you about sex work?

No matter how emotionally strong you are, nothing prepares you for the day that a client tells you that he is in love with you and wants to leave his wife for you. That he would sometimes shed a tear in the lift when leaving our booking. That’s that only time that I have questioned my decision to become an escort. I thought, “What the hell am I doing?” I didn’t get into this to cause anyone hurt.

I have also been surprised when given gifts! One client gives me the loveliest handwritten cards every time we meet. I’ve been given a beautiful necklace, many adult toys and generous gift vouchers. When I receive a heartfelt note, or a client has cooked something for me, I’m really touched. I am constantly surprised at the gratitude that I feel from my encounters with smart, brilliant and inspiring men. I feel that they’ve often given me more than I can return. I’m really skilled at compartmentalising the different parts of my life, so it has surprised me that I’ve made friendships that I believe will last for a long time to come. I am really blessed.

Has working as an escort changed you as a person?

I have always held the belief that you should leave people in a better state than when you met them. I’ve always applied this philosophy to all of my work, relationships and people I meet socially. The same philosophy is especially relevant in sex work. On reflection, I have developed a greater empathy for anyone that I encounter in my life. I’m more open-minded towards relationships now. Perhaps choosing the one partner to fulfill every single role in your life (co-parent, lover, friend) is not for everyone.

Thank you to Mischa, my first guest for being interviewed and writing this article, I hope that you enjoy this perspective and a change of pace from my (client) perspective to that of a working Australian escort. Still to come, another client’s view, some more of my articles and maybe, after this piece, some other escort and industry guest articles. Thank you as always for your readership.

Since the original publication, both Mischa and I have received some negativity over publishing an escort’s perspective here. Please have some respect and keep hateful opinions to yourself. I deliberately wrote very straightforward and ‘non-leading’ questions, so as to reduce any influence, and this is Mischa’s story generously added here for your information, not your derision. If you can’t respect me, then please at least respect guest bloggers – their privacy and their right to their own views and stories.

Xx SP 6 June 2017 (well actually Mischa’s work – article updated 25 June 2017)

How To Behave?

Is there a single way that clients and escorts should behave?

Expectations on how we behave and communicate.

As someone who writes a blog about being a client of escorts, and operates a similarly focused Twitter account, does that put me outside of acceptable behaviour for a client? This is a question that I ask myself a lot. I ask other people as well and I get a very wide variety of responses. Some are kindly open and make their opinions, often different to mine, know to me. I respect that. Some are hidden and anonymous, often malicious and irrational, people who should really be looking at their own behaviour and not at mine.

I hold myself to a pretty high standard of respect for others. I try and be thoughtful, discrete within acceptable boundaries, helpful and honest. Mostly, I’m exploring a period of experiences in my life, and sharing that journey with others who have an interest in these topics and experiences. No one has to read any of this!

GetToKnowMeme

Get to know me!

You may have seen the ‘Get to know me’ meme on Twitter. A lot of escorts and other accounts have given it a run, posting facts or confessions about themselves for every like that they received for the post of the image shown above. It was a bit of fun for a lot of people on Twitter, and as someone exploring experiences and writing on them, it was of interest to me too. So after seeing it on Alice Grey’s public Twitter, I thought it might be some fun. So I ran the meme on my @PercieBlakeney account!

Of course, I could have just written inane things. I could have even had fun with my ‘Percival Blakeney’ persona and his characterization of the English dandy, The Scarlet Pimpernel (SP). Instead I decided to write confessions that were inspired by each of the people that liked my post, what they as Twitter connections brought to my mind. It created a bit of a stir among some people and made me re-ask the question: How should I behave online?

How do I behave?

I have for a while decided to see escorts. As you will know if you read some of my blog articles, I struggle with all sorts of aspects of this wonderful but somewhat unusual life. If you want a taste of my personal philosophical ‘struggles’, take a look at ‘Sex and Guilt’, ‘Loving an Escort’, ‘Single Booking Sadness’, and ‘Why Multiple Escorts’. Across those five representative articles, you will get a feel for me, the journey I am on and the things that play on my mind. They include guilt, the search for intimacy and relationships, as well as fun, the journey and what amounts effectively to one-night-stands and sexual exploration and the chance to really experience lots of sex – something that was never a part of my life before this journey.

I am also writing about these experiences. This is problematic in so many ways. As much as it has some benefits – a chance for me to think and explore, as well as the opportunity to hear the impressions and lessons of others, it comes at a cost. It has exponentially increased my personal risk as a ‘secret client’, it has opened me up to some quite bitter attacks, and it upsets a surprising number of people. Before I had this blog (a period of almost two-years), only one escort had ever said they wouldn’t like to see me again, and that was because of a stupid but minor disagreement (played out in private). In the much shorter period since I started this blog (a few months), four additional escorts have told me they don’t want any future bookings with me. Not because of the ‘real me’, the ‘client’, but because of this blog and my persona – a fake person called ‘Percival Blakeney’ that lives only on Twitter and this blog. Rejection because of my online (and fake) persona hurts the real me. It hurts enough for me to repeatedly think about ditching the whole thing.

I am even more confounded by people who don’t know me at all and can simply ignore, block, mute or otherwise avoid me completely. I don’t understand why ‘random’ people get so upset – seriously, just stop reading and block my Twitter account and don’t visit this blog.

I become upset, if I find that I have upset the people (primarily escorts) that I care about. I am upset when an escort that I have a close and personal relationship with, is upset by knowing that I see and have relationships with other people, and then I talk about those experiences online. That is actually the only outcome of this blog and my social media that really upsets me – it plays on my mind, and as I have said before, it should be the only legitimate reason (so far) for me to stop writing. I am not hurting anyone else and yet somehow, this respectful client voice offends others.

Against that one poor behaviour of mine, expressing feelings for more than one escort connection, and I can see how that may be viewed as a (slightly) poor behaviour, I believe that I behave well. I have not and will not say anything negative about anyone. I do not disclose intimate, personal or other details without permission, and even with permission I am extremely cautious and constrained. I take the ideas I mentioned in ‘Secret Keepers’ very seriously. I am generally exploring issues as they impact me, so they do come across as issues and may seem at times as negative and over-thought, but I am open to all perspectives and I am not telling anyone ‘how it should be’, or ‘what to do’, or ‘how to live their life’. I am not removing, reducing or trying to censor anyone else’s voice. This is only my journey and only my perspective! Hell, I don’t even promote this blog at all, other than on my own Twitter account. Ignore my Twitter feed and you will never even know this content is here!

So why did my ‘Get to know me’ meme become an issue?

Well depending on who reacted, it seems to be a combination of the following issues. Firstly, that I am showing that I see multiple escorts and some of those are identifiable. Secondly, that I am seeking fame, notoriety and testing my virility. Finally, that I am building some collection of ‘fan boys’ and trying to change dynamics within the industry. So let me address those concerns, reasonable (I guess) when expressed directly to me by people who are actually interested in an answer.

Working in reverse order, I don’t want to change anything about the industry. I am writing about my experiences that benefit from the industry, I am not advocating any change and I am not qualified or experienced in any way that could suggest anything worth listening to in that regard. Being on social media, I have connections with escorts, clients and others, I talk to them. I am not ‘collecting’ anything, and there is no ‘back channel’ that is trying to do anything other than ‘be good clients and have some fun’ – end of story.

Maybe I have ‘ego’ based drivers that I haven’t admitted to myself. I am certainly exploring my sexuality, embracing experiences and sharing intimacy – for the first time in my life, and I don’t apologize for that. I don’t think I care about being seen as virile. I can tell you honestly, I am not impressive physically, and there are times that I don’t perform sexually in the way that I would like. I am at an age and have stresses that sometimes impact my performance. I would like to improve my own performance and virility, but I am not in competition with anyone. I don’t set anyone’s world on fire in the bedroom and I don’t think that seeing a number of escorts is either impressive or makes a man virile. I am after moments of intimacy and a breadth of experience, not some proof of my manliness!

Finally, on the topic of showing that I have seen multiple escorts and some level of bookings being identifiable. On that front I am guilty as charged. I can hardly write a blog on my experiences as a client of Escorts and pretend that I don’t see Escorts. In looking back over the Twitter posts that I made around the ‘Get to know me’ meme, I didn’t see anything that isn’t true, respectful or reasonable – or different to what others posted – especially Escorts that are using this same meme for some fun. I also didn’t get any negative feedback from anyone I mentioned, only from people who are completely disconnected from the discussion. Many of whom just seem to want to project their dislike of particular clients, pests, or clients in general onto me as a public target.

I can only be who I am – many people are not going to like me – but even if I have to remain anonymous, like so many clients and escorts in this industry, I am still going to be authentic. I am actually genuinely sorry if anything about my approach gives you discomfort, but I would suggest, don’t read my blog, don’t follow me on Twitter and block or mute me if that suits the view of the world you want in your timeline. For the record, I don’t do that, I want the opinions of people who disagree with me, just as much as those that have a similar view – I am here to learn and I don’t believe I have the only way, the right way, or any franchise on knowing how the world should work. I just question those that are anonymously projecting aggression onto me, rather than having a respectful dialogue, on where any real and personal issues with me may exist.

My perpetual fear!

I feel that I keep impacting relationships that are important to me. If I have professed any feeling for our relationship, then that is the true expression of my real feelings. Increasingly, I am thinking that this stage of my life is about experiencing what it is like to have multiple connections. I almost think I want to love, not physically but emotionally, as much as I can until I feel like I am going to burst. Coming from a culturally and emotionally sterile environment, I have discovered I have an immense capacity to love and I want to stretch that joyous part of living as far as I can. That should, I hope, be evident in my writing.

I am really hurting at the moment because of some difficult changes, but I feel enriched that the experiences and love that allow that level of pain existed in the first place – I haven’t had this complexity of emotion in my life before. My fear is that in exploring concepts similar to ‘polyamory’ (I’m no expert on this term), if that is even what I am doing, that I am hurting people who are looking for singular connections or the illusion of them. It is surprising to me in the escort-client world, that there is such a pervasive undercurrent around monogamy. That we all still have to pretend that one connection sits above all of the others. Escorts and clients with multiple connections are still facing strong prejudices and maliciousness in the one place, the one industry, that I would expect would support the choices of multiple connections and intimate variety, and breadth of experience, far more readily and openly.

I have strong feelings for multiple escorts, and in some cases it feels to me like a form of love. I am blessed beyond belief to feel this way, and I am doubly blessed that some of these escorts actually like me enough in return to tolerate me with all of my weaknesses and mistakes. If they can do that, why do so many other people care so much and want to change a situation that doesn’t impact them at all? I only apologize to the same escorts I thanked above, if my journey, my experiences, my blog, and my opinions have caused you any harm or discomfort – that is my perpetual fear and I am so, so sorry.

Another concept related to ‘polyamoury’ was explained to me recently by a beloved escort. It is the idea of ‘Compersion’. The concept of taking pleasure, in someone else’s pleasure with other people or things, that does not directly involve you. I guess that is the feeling I get watching great things, bookings and connections happen in this industry, I really feel like I get a strong sense of joy (compersion) when I see this happen for others (both escorts and clients). Of course I want those experience and joys for myself, but I want them for others as well. I hope that maybe some of the people that I care about, and care for me, can experience a little of that too, as I discuss, reveal and contemplate my own journey. After all, whether you are a participant in the individual moment or experience or not, you are part of the pathway and journey that brought me here – I love you. Hopefully you share part of my journey ahead as well.

Thank you for your readership. Your comments and feedback are as always greatly appreciated. Thank you also for everyone else who undertook the ‘Get to know me’ meme, I know it annoyed a lot of people, but I appreciated the insights that everyone freely gave about themselves – I enjoyed it as something different and communicative.

Xx SP 1 June 2017 (article updated 22 June 2017).

Egg On My Face

Some of the mistakes that I have made as a client of escorts.

Taking a look at some lessons.

Not so long ago, I was known by another name on Twitter – that account was called Prince Eggnog (@PrinceEggnog). The story of how that name came about, I will save for another day. This blog article is the story of some of the mistakes that I have made as a client of escorts. That story needs a revelation, and that revelation is that Percival Blakeney and Prince Eggnog are one and the same anonymous client.

Why does this even matter? The reason is simple, Prince Eggnog was my first ‘anonymous’ Twitter account as a client and I made a bucket-load of mistakes during that period. I am still making many mistakes today, but no attempt to write about my short-comings and the lessons that I have had as a client would be complete without Prince Eggnog. Time to deal with some ‘egg on my face’.

Eggnog

Having an active social media profile as a client.

My first mistake was having any social media profile at all. For a while, I was an anonymous client, reading profiles, reading escort social media and booking some escorts and starting to see some regulars. This is probably the most typical client approach on social media – radio silence! Communication was for the most part by text messages, with limited contact between bookings. It was a wonderful time, full of brand new experiences. Although I was making plenty of mistakes as a new client, they were largely invisible – I wasn’t, at least as far as I know, making any ‘public’ mistakes.

Then I was nearly ‘outed’ twice, and an escort suggested that I set up an ‘anonymous Twitter account’, and use that for some of my communications. The Twitter account of Prince Eggnog was named and born. Being ‘anonymous’ never sat that comfortably with me, but like the early days of seeing escorts, the early day’s of having a social media account were exciting. My activity primarily centered around discourse with escorts, other clients and related sex-work accounts. This social media activity had its own level of taboo, intrigue, additional industry learning, and it was nice to have another place to engage with the escorts that I had met, and to learn more about other escorts that I hoped to meet. I have already written about becoming ‘Addicted to Escorts’, I also became addicted to the industry’s social media. Having a ‘client profile’ on social media opens up a whole new territory for making mistakes, and what is worse, these mistakes are there for everyone to see.

Making public social media mistakes!

I hope that for the most part, I make a pretty decent client. I certainly care about all of the escorts that I have met, and I care about the industry. It hurts when bad things happen. I feel disgusted by bad client behaviour, disappointed by the nastier side of the industry, sad when people are trolled, bullied and upset, and I feel happy when people are having a great time. I feel especially happy when I am having a great time. One of my biggest mistakes is that I thought other people would like seeing escorts and clients having a great time. Unfortunately that is not always, or even often, the case.

Celebrating escort-client bookings.

I thought I could ‘celebrate’ my journey as a client on social media. I thought that when an escort gave their permission, showing that a ‘great booking’ had occurred would be a nice thing to do. After all, this sort of ‘booking recap’ content is published all the time. Well I was wrong. I knew when I saw similar posts with other clients, when they were out with escorts that I adored, I felt my own ‘pang of jealousy’ – why wasn’t it me, was I still a liked client, why did I have to see that when I was having a bad day, or any other version of normal human envy. Then that thought would pass, and I would think how happy I was that an escort that I liked had been treated well and their business and the broader industry was good. People were having fun – and isn’t that how it should be? I would also look forward to my own next booking with that person, and I even grew to respect (and learn from) some of the better behaviours, client generosity and booking ideas of the more experienced clients out there than me.

I know many people feel like that, but there is also a very nasty side to escort-client social media. I was accused of being a ‘show-off’, of trying to have escorts compete for my bookings, of lying, of being a ‘man-slut’, of being a ‘disease-spreader’, or trying to move the power dynamic away from escorts and into the hands of clients. I was accused of far worse than that. I was threatened to be ‘outed’, black-listed, slandered on escort forums, and I even had a laughable death threat. I don’t know whether I am an idiot, but none of those things bothered me that much, there was only one thing that actually really upset me – and that it is why I shut down the Prince Eggnog account. I was worried that I was ‘Hurting Feelings’, a topic I have written about in the past. I became aware that for some of the escorts that I was extremely close too, my activity was actually hurting their feelings. This isn’t an ego thing, I didn’t break anyone’s heart (I hope), it was simply annoying to them, and for that reason I shut it down. In my mind, that account did not provide enough benefit to me, to warrant hurting the feelings of anyone else, even in a small way.

Even bigger mistakes were in store!

It gets worse. At one point, I asked publicly on Twitter if any escort would like to attend a concert with me. This is a complicated story, perhaps destined for its own article one day. In short, I had a spare ticket to a concert. I asked a regular of mine at the time who wasn’t interested. Then in a profoundly stupid moment, I put out a public Twitter post asking if anyone was interested. Realizing that a loud rock concert wasn’t the ideal place for a first booking, I got cold feet and asked (in private) three escorts that I knew much better if they were interested. Two said yes. In mishandling this ‘concert ticket’ fiasco, I eventually lost my client relationship with the two escorts who said yes, the one who originally said no, and the respect of a number of other people on Twitter.

What you do publicly can have very profound and long-lasting consequences. There are so many lessons from that one badly thought through incident, perhaps the biggest, is that even though the whole industry is full of ‘competition’, just like any industry or market, don’t create competition or the perception of competition, even if that is not the intention. Clients seeming to create competition, even though they probably don’t know that they are, is a far from an ideal scenario. I have suffered from that one action more than anyone else involved, probably more than anyone knows or will ever know, and I am still suffering from the consequences of that saga even now many, many months later.

So how many lessons does it take?

You would think the ‘concert fiasco’ would be enough – oh no, when it comes to slow learners, I can be among the slowest. Not that much later, I had a lunch-booking cancelled on me on the morning of the booking. I had (and still have) no issue with that at all, the escort in question had no choice, and I was not upset by the cancellation. I have never yet been upset by a cancellation. We ended up catching up eventually and she still lets me see her, something that I am thrilled about. I did however have a nice lunch planned for that day, and I was already in the hotel room when the lunch was cancelled.

Yes, you know where this is going already, I put a public Twitter post out to see if any local escort was free to take up the same-day booking. Let’s not spend too long on this, but the lesson is largely the same. Escorts can try to get a late replacement for cancelled bookings through public forums, clients cannot. In the escort-client world, it isn’t like other industries, a good client makes it seem like it is a date and not a purchase. It is about the fantasy and the experience more than the reality. Unintentionally, I made it look like a purchase and a competitive one at that. So there is the answer, sometimes it takes me at least two big mistakes to learn one simple lesson. Client’s shouldn’t use public social media to fill an escort booking – lesson learned.

Other mistakes and learning experiences.

I can see that this topic is going to be one with many chapters. I am not even close to outlining how many missteps and faux pas I have made. So there will probably be more articles on mistakes in the future. One I think I will need to write about is the idea that there are ‘No Nice Endings’. I don’t want this to sound negative, but usually when there are no more bookings between a client and an escort that have had a long history together, the reason is likely to be negative. Unless there is a ‘retirement’, the ceasing of a regular or semi-regular client-escort relationship is normally the result of something negative happening. I have hinted at this in ‘What Went Wrong?’, and ‘Escort Relationship Breakdowns’, however I think the conversation about ‘what can be learned’ in these situations still needs some attention (in my mind at least).

My biggest mistakes!

Easily my biggest mistakes are simple to describe but harder to avoid. When the client-escort relationship is a strong one, it is pretty easy to get hurt. I have spoken about ‘Hurt Feelings’ in a past blog article. In this case, the mistake is a simple one, when I have been hurt by an escort – and that certainly happens to any regular and caring client – there are times that I have not handled the hurt well. Escort-client relationships are a fantasy, they are a pretend perfect world, they are this way so that the ‘moment together’ in the framework of a booking can be this perfect place, a perfect fantasy moment given a temporary place in reality. I should have processed and eliminated the hurt I felt and moved on. My mistake is when I have felt the pain too much, and as a result I have either unintentionally shown that I am in pain, or worse yet reflected that pain back to the escort that I care about – it is the ‘care level’ that allows the pain to be created in the first place.

Almost every one of my ‘endings’ with an escort is the expression of this lesson as yet still a work-in-progress with me. Being too needy, or the opposite position of being too hurt or upset, is very likely to damage or end the connection. While it is an ‘escort-client’ relationship, it needs to stay within relationship parameters that have limited tolerances for the expression of pain, anger or hurt. The escort or the client will leave if it looks like being too much like a ‘real relationship’, unless both have agreed that is where it is headed. For the escort-client relationship to continue it needs to remain a close-to-perfect ‘fantasy’ – no residual hurt allowed. It doesn’t mean that ‘hurt’ can’t happen, it just means that it needs to be resolved, forgotten, forgiven or otherwise dealt with very, very quickly. Someone needs to move past the negativity, let it go, or else it is all over.

I have ‘blown-up’ some great client-escort relationships and some escorts have blown up ones with me. I have a couple of connections that have been put-at-risk, I only hope that I have learned this lesson in time. I don’t want to lose anyone else.

Moving on from my mistakes!

I am happy to consign Prince Eggnog to the past, it was part of my experience, part of my growth, and it came with both huge enjoyment and almost equally acute pain. I do sometimes wonder why certain people never forgave me for my mistakes. I know there are ‘unforgivable sins’ in the escort-client world, although I have never (and will never) commit any of those. For some reason however, client mistakes in public are not forgivable in the eyes of certain escorts and other clients. I do sometimes feel that Prince Eggnog was unfairly treated in some circles, even though it was true that he was more of a ‘Town-Fool’ than a Prince.

Now you know what (or who) came before Percival Blakeney. That is not to say that my new client persona is any better. I am still making plenty of mistakes, I am still upsetting people, I am still being trolled from time to time and I am still learning. I will be writing more about my mistakes, past, present and future – because part of this experience, part of this journey, is continuing to learn.

If I have ever upset you, I do sincerely apologize. I promise that it was without malice and I regret any mistake that I ever made that led to any hurt. I have never deliberately hurt any escort. Forgive me if you can. I forgive anyone who has hurt me on this journey because you are on your own journey too. After all, there is still too much fun to be had to get caught up in sadness.

Thank you for your readership. You don’t need to share any mistakes, maybe sharing mistakes is another new mistake all of its own, but thank you in advance for any comments and feedback. Thank you to everyone who played the game with Prince Eggnog, and those who went the extra mile with that story – you know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! R.I.P. Prince Eggnog (2016-2017).

Xx SP 29 May 2017 (article updated 19 June 2017).

World of Private Messages

Escort-client dynamics in the realm of Twitter private messages.

What happens between escorts and clients in Twitter PM’s?

It will all be fine, this isn’t some ‘secret-breaking’ reveal it all article. Sorry if that is a disappointment. This is instead a look at the types of communication that move away from the public social media view, and into the world of private messages on Twitter. There are similarities with texts and emails, but I am specifically looking at private messages on Twitter in this article.

Let’s take a look at booking exchanges, between booking communications, supporting each other, making arrangements, sharing information and a look at some of the more controversial areas of hustling, bullying, trolling, extortion and threats. Of course it’s not all bad news, there are some very lovely things that happen in the world of Private Messages (PMs) too!

PetalumaWine

Sitting in bubbles, sipping wine and reading my PMs!

I really have no concept of how escorts manage their communication load! Forget bookings, administration, beauty treatments, preparation, security, health, personal well-being, and having a life! How on earth do Escorts stay on top of emails, texts and social media. I make this point, because this article and this whole blog site is a single client’s view of the world. Occasionally I struggle to keep up with my own social media, and my ‘content load’ must be less than one-percent of what an escort has to face.

In addition, the ‘shitty’ part (bad manners, aggression, trolling and everything that ‘brings me down’) must also be less than one-percent of what an escort faces. Anyone who ever thinks for a second that an escort’s life might be easy – should just consider that aspect alone for a minute. How on earth do they manage it? I can sit in a hotel bath, drink a glass of red wine, cruise my social media and select some responses (I had to tie in the article photo somehow – hehe). It is rare that this is a negative experience, so this article is not a complaint at all – as a client I have things easy, just like in every other aspect of the escort-client world.

I should add though that I only do this for fun and experiences. I am here to spend money, not to make it, so by the same token, I should be able to choose my level of involvement – because I am not marketing for business and I am not interested in buying negativity. Sometimes I even forget that I am a customer not a provider and feel I obliged to be super responsive on these communication channels to anyone that engages with me. Something that I am slowly learning to change.

What is great about Private Messages?

If you have received a sweet message from an escort, the you don’t need me to tell you what is great about Private Messages. When an ultra-busy escort, as described above, takes a minute to send something to you one-on-one, that is a huge gift – it makes my day every single time it happens. I always try to respond if I can, because let’s face it, I have more time than they do (some of the time) and I would always love another similar message sometime in the future. I am conscious to try and stop these responses from becoming a ‘chain of messages’ that is wasting their time. There is a high risk that Private Messages from clients are time-wasting. I actually ask myself before pressing send – am I wasting this generous escort’s time? I was told recently that sometimes I cut private threads short and send an ‘I’m too busy feeling’ – that isn’t because I don’t want to ‘chat’, it is usually because I want to be respectful and not be seen as a time-waster by the Escorts I like the most. It is a hard thing to know what the right balance is.

What PMs make sense, are positive and useful?

Real booking arrangements benefit both clients and escorts. Private Messaging isn’t necessarily a great place for this, and a client should always try to use the escort’s preferred communication channel and processes and not attempt to bypass screening or protocol. Sometimes however PMs are useful for inquiring about bookings, tours or other meeting preliminaries and they can also be useful for clearing up other details and making contact immediately prior to the booking. These should all be short, clear, well-mannered, sufficiently detailed and kept to a minimum.

Thank you messages also make sense. Whether by text or PM, a post-booking message sent from the client to the escort is in my view a must. I want the escort to know how special the booking was, how much I appreciated their time and effort, and the truth behind how they made me feel. That is easy, I always feel awesome after a booking, but I want it to say something personal and truthful too – I don’t lie in these messages. Getting a similar message in return is also a lovely reinforcement of the booking. As I have said in other articles, if there isn’t a return message after a thank you – for me at least, that is a pretty distressing thing (thankfully it is also a very rare thing). This is something to keep honest, real, kind and personal – it is also once again, something that shouldn’t be ‘over-done’. Time-wasting is again not a long journey away from being kind and attentive.

Support and contact messages are also lovely. These are more appropriate territory for times when a more personal connection has developed. Occasional contact between people that know each other is one of the more pleasant things about private messages. To know that someone is aware when you are slightly down, or wants to celebrate something with you, make a positive comment or just let you know that they are still there and thinking of you occasionally – those messages can be a real joy. This is one of the most complex areas however, as what is sweet and pleasant for one person, might be creepy and time-wasting for another. There is an ‘art’ here to knowing your own connection with that person – what is lovely, what is OK, and what is not acceptable. I try to lean slightly towards the less is more, but as a ‘person of words’, I am at risk more than most of saying too much, too often. I am trying to learn!

From my own perspective, being told that an escort is thinking of an upcoming tour, contacting me to say hello, sharing a memory, asking a question, looking for support, offering support, being kind and other general occasional contact is not hustling and it is more than acceptable, it is actually very nice and highly appreciated. I know there are wide ranging views on this, by clients and escorts alike, but for me contact from someone who knows that I like their contact is more than fine, it is appreciated and desirable.

What PMs are questionable or downright nasty?

Hustling is questionable and takes many different forms. Firstly, lets all admit that it happens, it happens quite a lot, and it is not all the same. Some may think asking for a booking, or a type of booking (say a double), or exploring if there is a connection is hustling. I don’t! To me this is great when it is wanted by the recipient, it is OK when it is softly rejected and that is the last unsolicited request, and it is only hustling, when it is hustling and that line becomes pretty clear, pretty fast. Escorts are in business, how they get their business is their business, and if I get successfully ‘hustled’, then that is my fault as a ‘stupid punter’. If I don’t feel like I’ve been hustled, enjoy the result, and I am happy with the contact and the outcome, then I haven’t been hustled. Clients however hustling escorts, that is something else entirely – and put plain and simply, it is never OK.

Trolling, bullying, extortion and threats also take many different forms and are rarely if ever acceptable. I haven’t been extorted and I am reluctant to call anything else that has happened to me bullying, although I know these things happen in the back-channels of social media and through other contact points as well. I have however been threatened may times and trolled, it is still a surreal experience for me, I don’t understand the commitment or motivations of the originator(s), I can’t reconcile the effort that is required, and I don’t understand how a person gets a benefit from that behaviour, other than by inflicting misery, and I can’t understand that mentality.

I am sure that some scenarios could exist, where threats and maybe even cases of bullying are a response to something worse and form part of dealing with an issue and bringing about some balance. Maybe there are cases for that. So far however, every story that I have heard about would seem to have had a better solution. I’m not ignorant enough to say that ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’, but certainly as far as I can see, trolling, bullying, threats and extortion make poor tools for creating any form of positive solution or bringing resolution to any issue. They are also bad marketing. Tell me if I’m wrong on this, but all of these pathways seem to hurt the originator as much, maybe even more, than the intended target. Surely the best revenge (if you are into revenge) is to move forward and have a great life and leave any disliked target you may have encountered behind. Otherwise you are just caught circling the drain – a place where the hurt just remains.

So when to use Private Messages?

I think like so many things with communication, there is a simple three-stage test. I am writing this for my future benefit, not as some expert, I want to live this model myself.

Firstly is it being written with good intent or bad? Secondly, will the recipient benefit from it or not? Finally, is it clear or is there a possibility of misinterpretation?

The last one is super tricky. Text mediums are so prone to misinterpretation without the benefit of tone, body language or immediate visibility to each-other’s reactions. I have stuffed up text based communication so, so, so many times. In fact some of those disasters are hinted at in the articles on this blog. I am going to try my best to follow my own rules, but sometimes I don’t even see the misinterpretation coming until its too late.

I am a work in progress. However, if you know me, and if you ever hear from me in a Private Message, please know … (a) I wrote it with good intent, (b) I hoped that it was going to benefit you, and finally, I am trying not to waste your time. If you are sending me one, I will also try to read it and understand it with the same positive lens.

Private Messages can be lovingly awesome, it is also territory for some of the nastiest and most hateful words that have even been crafted. The private underside of Twitter (and other private messages) is a different world to what we all see ‘above the waterline’ in the public world.

Thank you for your readership. Comments and feedback most gratefully received. Plus my sincere and eternal apologies for anyone I have ever upset in a badly considered Private Message (or anywhere else for that matter).

Xx SP 25 May 2017 (article updated 18 June 2017).

Why Multiple Escorts?

The reasons why I book more than one escort.

Why would a client see more than one escort?

The flippant answer would be, because they can! Once someone (once again, I am talking about me), decides to book an escort, the other question would be: Why wouldn’t someone see as many beautiful, amazing and unique escorts as they can, as often as they can?

Of course I could make analogous arguments about different fine dining cuisines, trying different wines and whiskeys, or anything else we do in our lives that we enjoy in both the act and the variety. They may be sound arguments on one level, but here we are talking about people. So I am simply going to explain my current reasons for seeing multiple escorts and see what you think.

ScotchBottles

The first-time, the tenth-time and the last-time!

I actually had to stop writing and go for a walk after writing the words ‘last-time’. I will come to the reason for that in a minute, but I can already tell this is going to be a surprisingly hard blog article for me to write as there have been too many ‘last times’, and maybe that is an argument in itself for seeing more than one escort. For now, lets start with adrenaline and excitement.

The excitement of meeting someone new.

There is an adrenaline rush to seeing someone for the first time. The build-up, the novelty, the surprise and the unknown, all come together and make the first booking special in its own way. I have written about how I choose a first booking in ‘Virtual, Physical, and Cerebral’, the online processes of discovery, making choices, and the progression to re-booking and seeing escorts regularly.

The opposite side of novelty and excitement, is leaving little orphan-dates or escort ‘one-night stands’, behind you. It may surprise some people to know that I feel regret, sadness and melancholy at the idea of seeing certain escorts only once. I addressed this in the piece on ‘Single Booking Sadness’. Some clients see all of their escort bookings only once. Their whole exercise is experiencing the novelty, newness and adrenaline rush. I couldn’t do that, the excitement of a first time booking is one reason for seeing multiple escorts, but the feeling of ‘sequel stories remaining untold’, is actually reducing the number of new escorts that I see. I have strong regrets for not seeing a number of these amazing women again – at least up until now. Despite that, excitement, adrenaline and attraction still mean that a ‘first-booking’ remains one good reason for seeing multiple escorts.

Meeting someone for the ‘tenth-time’.

Then there are the individual journeys. There is in my mind, no point in even calling these ‘client-escort’ relationships, as they are unique in every way. The one common thing is that they are still a transaction. The ‘business’ and the livelihood of the escort must be respected and honoured at all times. So along with that comes time limits, rules of conduct and constraints around time-wasting and unfair and unrealistic expectations. At the same time the dynamic is completely different in every case. Completely different as each relationship and what we get from each other varies dramatically.

I have spoken in connection with ‘developing relationships’ more than on any other topic. How repeat and regular connections come about in ‘Making It Regular’. How we can hurt each other in ‘Hurt Feelings’. How these developing relationships can go wrong in ‘What Went Wrong?’, and ‘Escort Relationship Breakdowns’. Even the light-hearted take on chasing escorts that are extra-special in ‘Chasing Unicorns’. The reason for seeing multiple escorts, when it is connected to developing relationships, is as unique as the relationships themselves.

I see some escorts because I am actually in love with them or at least the idea of a continuing developing relationship with them (within the boundaries of it still remaining a escort-client transaction). I guess it is a ‘love of our moments together’, rather than a more traditional relationship. I know that this isn’t necessarily a healthy thing, but the heart wants what the heart wants. I agonize about this, the appropriateness of these feelings, as well as how to manage them and not drive the adored escort away. Some of the hardest articles for me to write were ‘Loving an Escort’, and ‘Friends and Lovers’, both heavily loaded with thinking about these powerful and consuming connections. The hardest of all was ‘My End of Summer’ detailing the end of a long connection of bookings with a regular – always respecting the ‘business’ and the escort transaction. I have no choice really, I need to keep seeing these escorts for as long as they will continue to have me, knowing all along that the end will arrive at some point.

Heading towards the ‘tenth-time’.

Then there are other great women who I am earlier on the journey with, or have a different connection with. Some offer a unique or different experience to other escorts that I see. Even classing these differences as client-escort relationships completely misses the points of different. Some are enormous fun, light-hearted and experiential. Others are deeper, mystical, spiritual and intellectual. Others are raw, and can even feel slightly dangerous and edgy. Some are simply the most amazing people, and I just feel blessed to be in their company for a small amount of time. How can anyone give up on the breadth, joy, depth and intensity of these experiences.

I imagine, but don’t obviously know, that it must be similar in some ways for some escorts thinking about their clients. Maybe they have a favorite and maybe they don’t. Surely, it is true that different clients also bring different experiences to the escorts that they meet. On one level it is the multiplicity of various and different contacts that makes the whole escort-client world such an amazing one. The fact that we are all enriched by different and intimate relationships with a range of people is one of the most wonderful things about the whole escort industry.

Meeting someone for the last-time!

The easy thing to say here is that one reason for seeing multiple escorts is so that if the relationship fails, or the escort retires, or if they are unavailable, then bookings and experiences can continue. That is pretty obvious, but of course a client could just start again with a new escort and new experiences.

As anyone who has been following this blog knows, I have lost some connections that were important to me. There are reasons for this, but the fact that we are no longer in each others lives, even for the brief moments that the escort-client dynamic offers, still hurts. I spoke about ‘Staying in the Moment’ and believe what I wrote, however the power of those moments, and those moments lost, still impacts and haunts me. One reason for seeing more than one escort, is that the ‘pain’ is reduced by the connection and enjoyment of being in the life of someone else. Having another ‘escort-client connection’ that is offering joy, when another is still delivering pain.

I am fortunate beyond my wildest dreams that there are some escorts who care about me enough to check that I am OK, make me laugh, share their thoughts and simply give me joy. I hope that I am giving them at least a little of the same in return, because this amazing roller-coaster is wonderful and awful to us all, all at the same time. As I have said before, whether I am having a ‘mind-blowingly’ amazing day, or a down day, at least since I started on this journey, I know that I’m alive.

So why stop seeing multiple escorts?

Fairly recently I have had a scare or two. If you read my blog regularly, you will know that it was the ‘end of the line’ with one amazing escort and I also mistakenly thought that I was not going to be able to see someone else again. It came out of the blue, and it hit me in the chest like a clamp. I was reduced to tears and I still get emotional when I think about that moment. For those who know me, it was one of the reasons my writing and my Twitter behaviour was a little ‘all over the place’, and perhaps a bit darker than usual. I was surprised by the level and depth that these events rocked me, it wasn’t rational, it was pure emotion. It certainly goes to show how strong the experiences in a client-escort connection can be, it is an amazing ride.

One of the outcomes of these events, is that I now know why some clients don’t see multiple escorts, or at least why they might stop seeing multiple escorts. If I was asked to be exclusive, not a real-relationship just a special ‘client-escort’ connection in the cases I just described, I might actually say yes. So I can see why circumstances, connections, relationships and emotions make people choose different models when it comes to the question ‘Why Multiple Escorts?’.

Recently I heard a ‘psychologist’ speaker talking about ‘explore’ and ‘exploit’ behaviours. The idea that in a new city, you go ‘exploring’ until you have enough experiences and information to ‘exploit’ that information. Trying restaurants until you find enough of the types that you like to start making regular bookings and going back to the same favorites. I guess this could apply in the escort-client world. Maybe my ‘exploring’ days are getting shorter, and my desire to build connections with escorts I feel connected too is increasing. We may all be in different stages of this personal journey.

I love what I am able to experience and the amazing, unique and wonderful women that have blessed me with their company. That is why I currently see multiple escorts. In a different universe, that I don’t believe I deserve, I might actually just follow someone who has stolen my heart. Or in this current journey, I may just choose to explore less and maintain connections with a few wonderful escorts. I guess I will find out.

Thank you as always for reading, I’m always surprised that any of you do.

Xx SP 24 May 2017 (updated 16 June 2017).

Addicted to Escorts

Exploring addiction to booking escorts. Why am I hooked?

Am I addicted to booking escorts?

This is an intriguing question to ask yourself as a client. Is this behaviour an addiction? Does this form of addiction matter? Do I want to change anything if I am addicted?

I am still relatively new to being a client of escorts, approaching two years of having this wonderful secret side to my life. I am also relatively new to being successful in other parts of my life. I have been told, by an escort of course (the source of all of the best information), that I exhibit signs of ‘sudden wealth syndrome’. My ‘addiction’ to escorts being a sign of this syndrome. That is as good a place as any to start this article, but I want to look at other aspects as well, and then ask the question again: Am I addicted to escorts and what does that actually mean in practice?

CashBath

Sudden wealth syndrome!

Sometimes called ‘lottery winners syndrome’, this ‘psychological phenomenon’ describes the stress, guilt, confusion and social isolation that can accompany a significant financial windfall or advantage. While coming into financial success ought to be a good thing, it can take a bad turn. No, I did not win the lottery, I am also not ‘rich’, compared to many people’s view of wealth. I have however been successful for less than a decade, after a life of hard work and a childhood and early-adulthood of very modest financial means.

Being able to spend significant amounts of money is relatively new for me, and some aspects of guilt, confusion and stress are, if I’m totally honest, part of this new life that I live (covered in some part in the earlier article ‘Sex and Guilt’). What seems like extravagant pleasure, does have a connection to emotions of guilt, confusion and social isolation.  Maybe I fall into the class of client that exhibits elements of ‘sudden wealth syndrome’, kid-in-a-candy-store, spoilt middle-aged guy, or whatever description floats your boat. Seeing escorts is however where I choose to spend a not insignificant amount of money. Most addictions ‘cost’, so maybe on the financial view of this question alone, my behaviour could look a lot like an addiction.

Mid-life crisis, or if you prefer, chasing after my youth.

I had a short-lived youth of reckless adventure before I got serious, and then the decades passed as I lived up to the corporate, family, and societal behaviours that I felt were expected of me. As I discussed in the article ‘Becoming a Client’, I hit a point where I needed to embrace some selfishness, some recklessness and some adventure. I needed to grab the last vestiges of youth before they were gone forever. This is not uncommon, it is often called, mistakenly in my view a mid-life crisis. I think it can and does happen at anytime of life, and this wasn’t my first existential analysis or change of direction. Not everyone who goes through the need for adventure and change starts booking escorts, but that was an important part of my journey, part of my existential crisis (who knows, I may be in for more of these as I get older).

So why the need for escorts?

I wasn’t ready for a potentially messy affair, the depressing game of Tinder, or a new relationship. I did however need, very badly need as it turns out, intimacy, companionship, confidants, exciting moments, and a journey of sexual discovery and youthful sexual renewal. That really is what I needed, and it is probably the best description I have written yet of why I see escorts. In our busy, stressful, sanitized and ‘contact-avoidance’ lives, I would suggest any single one of those things (benefits) could be addictive. Put them all together, and it is one hell of an addictive package. I have gone further in other articles and said – I simply cannot go back. Now that the genie is out, it simply cannot be ‘put back in the bottle’.

Shortly after I initially drafted this piece I went further on ‘Why Multiple Escorts?’, exploring why it is not a ‘singular’ affair with one escort or person. For now, in this article, that answer is simple and rooted in the source of this addiction. In some escorts I find elements of connection, friendship, ease of conversation and joy in simply being in their presence – I am addicted to them as individuals. In others I find sexual fire, new discoveries and lessons from the tension between different worlds – I am addicted to that too. Seeing escorts is not one dimensional, everyone is unique, so although I am addicted collectively to being a ‘client of escorts’, I am also addicted to some individual relationships for very personal, unique and segmented reasons.

The pain of addiction.

All addicts are in pain. Pain causes the need and the addiction. Removal or deprivation is also painful. Seeing escorts and classing it as an addiction makes sense in many ways. I feel a profoundly strong high in the lead-up to a booking and a crescendo in the booking itself. Some of these moments, as I have described in some of the stories here, are almost perfectly sublime – the highest of highs! In between bookings there is at best a return to a ‘greyness’, and in many cases there is significant pain. Discussed imperfectly in the articles on ‘Post Booking Melancholy’ and ‘Staying in the Moment’.

For some of these personal needs, there are other pains. The seeking of adventure, raw sex, sexual discovery and memorable moments are simple drivers for wanting to be a client. A client can have these, savor them, remember them, and return again when they are ready for more, ready for the next experience. The aspects of companionship, intimacy and heaven-forbid friendship have a different and more complicated and longer-lasting dynamic. The highs are progressive, the addiction lives beyond the booking, the connection is to individual(s) and not to a generic ‘client-escort’ experience or moment. As a result, the pain comes in a different manner. This is the dangerous territory of ‘self-destructive’ addiction.

Self-sabotage and escort addiction.

Imagine trying to make a friend of an escort! Stop and think about that statement for a moment. I am not talking about the role-play of a Girlfriend Experience (GFE), but actually making a real friendship. Could there be a less likely place to strike up a friendship, in a manufactured place, with age, gender, social and need differences. A place where money bridges these gaps, for the exact reason that they are gaps. What madman would look to build a friendship here?

In me, and I am sure in many clients, is a dangerous cocktail of ‘lack of self-worth’, existential crisis and a desire to prove something against these deep seated insecurities. While the level of need and desire might vary, many clients, us addicts, are seeking sustained connection almost deliberately in the place that it is least likely to develop. I have written pieces on ‘Friends and Lovers’, and ‘Relationship Breakdowns’, and you can see that I have a need for connection, intimacy and to be ‘liked’. I am exploring this in therapy outside of my escort experiences and in these pages on this blog as well. For this reason, seeking what I shouldn’t, where I shouldn’t, knowing that I shouldn’t, and knowing that it is folly, for this reason more than any other ‘I am clearly an addict of escorts’!

Do I want to change that? I guess like most addicts, it is a perpetual tension between yes, no, I don’t know! While I think about that, please let me see one of the escorts that I adore – I need another hit! I can see this also play out in my own engagement on social media. Sometimes I am together, sometimes I am stressed, sometimes confused – always wanting the engagement, sometimes for fun, sometimes for learning, sometimes for ratification and sometimes clearly hating myself and my weaknesses. Isn’t that the cycle of an addict? Or maybe it is all part of a journey of discovery – who knows?

This is surely raw, surely true and I hope it isn’t too much. It drained me to write this piece in its first cut – I was very emotional and raw at the time. In this re-draft, I am more philosophical, but I can’t deny the tensions and confusions that were originally written into this article. It is hard when you need to be liked to then say things about yourself that you know are not likeable. The little boy inside normally prefers to remain hidden behind the wall!

Thanks for your readership. I am not sure what I accomplished with this particular piece, but I hope you find something within it that helps with your own journey, after all, we are all on one.

Xx SP 17 May 2017 (article updated 13 June 2017).

Why This Blog?

Percival Blakeney on the reasons for writing articles.

Why write client-side articles on escort experiences?

This article marked my thirtieth (yes 30th) article since launching this blog. It is always a good time for asking myself … why am I doing this? Why does an anonymous and shy client of sex-workers, feel compelled to write experiential and topical articles on client-escort relations, a secret journey and issues connected with being a client of escorts?

That is of course a very good question, and there must be something different about me, because this sort of blog is very uncommon. I am going to try and tell you (and tell myself) why I am doing this, and also perhaps just as importantly, mention the things that are NOT motivations for this blog and its articles.

WindowParty

Why did I launch this blog?

The simplest and truest reason, is that I can’t talk to anyone! At the time I started this blog, I had been seeing escorts for more than a year, this exciting and secret world, that delivered me so much joy, had no conversational outlet. I couldn’t tell any family, any friends, anyone at all, other than very sanitized and private versions to the escorts that I was seeing. As great as it is to talk to escorts, our mutual role as ‘Secret Keepers’ (see separate article), meant that the boundaries of respect and privacy severely limit the nature of that conversation. It is fine to discuss the industry at large, some of our personal feelings and experiences and how our lives are playing out, it is not a territory for deeper and sometimes darker exploration of this now significant and important part of my life.

Yes, there are forums, there are other ‘get-together’ events and opportunities, and there are fellow travelers on this road. For the reasons you will hear in this article, most of those avenues don’t suit me particularly well. I’m not interested in ‘reviewing’ escorts for others, I am not interested in ‘dirty laundry’, I am not interested in a ‘position of influence’ in the industry or with other punters, and I am not interested in the majority of social events when I could be in a booking with one of the escorts that I adore. I do however need an intellectual release for what is becoming a major part of my life, and I do need to talk about my feelings, my experiences and my thoughts.

Motivations for writing.

I have written professionally before, but I don’t get to do the ‘writing leg-work’ anymore for other parts of my life. I have had aspirations of a fictional novel one day (nothing to do with sex-work). I find that I think and personally explore topics and issues better, when I write about them, edit my thoughts, re-read and adjust them, and let them bounce around in my head. It isn’t quite the same as a great conversation in many ways, but in others ways it can also be better. If it wasn’t published, as in a private diary, I would loose the driver to think carefully, analyse the thoughts, and think about how others may view my experiences and thinking. I also hoped to get just enough attention and support, that others would tell me what they thought, what they had experienced, and help me navigate my own way through these topics and experiences.

Motivations against writing.

I am no expert on these topics! I have had many bookings with a now significant number of escorts, and all I keep discovering is that I know nothing. So I am highly concerned whenever someone places me in position that I do not deserve, and I am not qualified to hold. I am not a subject matter expert, I am not someone that should be considered aspirational or inspirational, and I am not doing this to have any influence on the industry, on its participants, or even on my most devoted readers and contacts – this is a self-centered endeavour of personal discovery and exploration. As well as a relief valve for talking out into the void, out into the Internet, when there is no one else in my life that can fill that role of listener to my client world experiences.

I am also different when I’m thinking. I’m a bit darker, a bit more confused, a bit more serious and possibly a bit less connected. I am less fun online than I am in person. My biggest concern, is that the people I like and have met in this industry, won’t like or appreciate this side of me, this blog, and the waves it makes. I am worried because I have already created collateral damage, where these people who are important to me, reject the real me, because of the writer me. This has already happened and it is causing me a great deal of emotional turmoil. I have had escorts I have met and that seemed to like or tolerate the ‘real me’, tell me they can’t see me anymore and block me on Twitter. I can also see some other escorts, who still see me, are also concerned about this blog, and it has impacted our personal connection in a negative way. There are lots of well-meaning and reasonable escorts who don’t want client voices online – even the respectful, thoughtful and industry-supporting ones. More than any other reason, this is the one reason that often makes me think of deleting this blog and killing the associated Twitter account.

Other consequences of writing.

When initially published, this was my thirtieth article, I am not sure how many I have left in me, so the longevity and ultimate continuation of this exercise is a ‘big, open, question’. The tally is now 38-articles, and the pace has already slowed a little. I have also made more contact with other travelers (punters if we must use that word), and as long as this is about positive support, I am all for it, I am not however interested in private stories or diminishing any escort or other industry participants. I would however like to tell some of their stories, if the chance presents itself. Similarly I am interested in telling the stories of other clients and escorts, and other people’s stories where they are as general, confidential, non-threatening and supporting as I try to be with the rest of the content on this blog. The first ‘Interview With an Escort’ was published in June. That is all just a ‘writers interest’ at this stage, and I imagine the practicalities will probably stop most of that from happening.

I also get attacked. Not physically, but in the ‘back-blocks’ of social media. I don’t really know why? Maybe the difference of this blog is threatening or confusing to some who don’t know me and even some who do. Maybe I am a soft target for angst at clients in general or some other ‘hurtful demon’ that is plaguing the people who troll others online. Maybe I am a pariah after all, that is worthy of attack and living in some delusion that I am harmless. This seems to be an increasing issue. Recently it seems other industry sites are withdrawing from publishing client perspective content. Although I appreciate the place and rationale for Punter Planet, it just doesn’t fit with me. Since there really is very little other client perspective material, other than 140-character Twitter posts, I am worried that I am ‘out-on-a-limb’ and at severe risk of attracting the wrong attention and being ‘chopped-down’. I get that sort of ‘threat’ on a daily basis.

This is becoming serious, in the weeks since I started, the threats have become significant and sustained. Certainly it is nothing compared to what many escorts face day in and day out. Those threats alone are not going to make me stop. However if I knew that I was actually doing any harm, putting any escort at risk, or doing any damage to an industry that has been kind to me, then I would shut this blog down in a heartbeat. In fact I came very close yesterday (the day before this article redraft) when escorts I admire questioned this blog and my motivation. Worse still, people I have met in person blocked me. Worst of all, people I truly adore are clearly backing away from my account and staying quiet with their contact. I am feeling very isolated and that is the opposite of my desire to learn and to share. If this progresses, I won’t be able to just stop writing, I will have to stop being a client as well – as clearly once ‘blacklisted’, the journey is effectively over.

What is next?

I had intended to publish some more articles soon. I had some offers of guest articles as well, but now that there has been a lot of online debate, no one wants to take the risk of being the center of unwanted attention. I am also working back through the initial ones to give them a slight update, and ironically this piece was next on the list.

Now that the voices for stopping seem to be growing louder than the ones for continuing, I think it is inevitable that I will be forced to stop writing. I feel like a ‘small, needy, sad person’, effectively calling for support, but without some clear feedback from people who want to read these articles, I am afraid the industry has effectively spoken and client comment will stay within Punter Planet as the only surviving Australian channel. I however will be silent and I will be gone, to applause in many places I’m sure.

I hope that this, the redrafting of my thirtieth article, has given you a background on why these pieces were put here. If you were concerned, or remain concerned, hopefully you have some comfort that you are not at risk because of this blog. If you thought I had some crazy industry aspiration, then hopefully you can also see that is the furthest thing from my mind. I am a secretive, issue-ridden, confused and often over-thinking client who happens to have found joy in the company of the great escorts of Australia. This is where I come to explore the client-side of seeing escorts and without some support, the journey is rapidly coming close to its end.

Thank you for you readership. Please as always, feel free to share, comment here or on Twitter – your views and feedback are always welcome whether they are in agreement or disagreement, these topics are normally entirely the result of a spectrum of viewpoints I experience online and a level of personal confusion for me as a client of this industry. I hope that I have added some value along the way.

Xx SP 13 May 2017 (article updated 13 June 2017).