Constructing a Dinner Date

The client-side anatomy of a ‘kick-ass’ dinner date.

A dinner-date is pretty easy, right?

Sure, intimate diners are happening everywhere, some go well, some go badly, but when you are taking an escort out on a dinner date, you hardly want it to go badly.

In fact normally you want it to be an amazing experience, and at least a quality one for the escort involved. If there is one date format that I think I’m starting to understand reasonably well, it is an escort-client dinner date. So what does one look like from a client perspective?

DinnerDetail

The set-up and booking.

There really is so much involved that this could be a very long blog if I get encyclopedic, so here are some basics that seem to work for me. First of all, who is coming to dinner? My view is generally someone you have seen before, although I break that rule myself regularly. Secondly, eat first and get to know each other, especially with new people, although I break that rule regularly as well. It can be nice eating after the bedroom escapades, especially with repeat bookings. Personally, I’m still undecided on what order is better – both can be great experiences and have their obvious benefits, so mix it up perhaps!

So the basics are, pick an escort that enjoys a dinner date, research what they like (food and drinks) and then book the best restaurant you can manage, ideally with the hotel room attached or in close proximity. Travel time is wasted time. Don’t skimp on dinner and drinks, you are making a memory for yourself as well as trying to give the escort a memorable experience, just as though you were on a real date. Perhaps even more so, as this is meant to be a fantasy experience after all. They may remember the dinner even if you, like me, are Mr Average in the bedroom. Everyone enjoys a great meal with great food, attentive service and great ambiance.

Preparation and planning for success.

Going to a known reliable restaurant is not a bad thing, although it needs to be mixed with changing things up, if it is somewhere you go to regularly. Other preparation may include gifts (although personally, gift giving is for me a far more complex discussion) and the general preparation for the evening. Escort, hotel and restaurant bookings should all be made in advance (and confirmed). Usually the more ‘advanced’ the restaurant booking, the better the table, but don’t be afraid to ask for something good.

I always try and have a text or message with the escort on the day, saying that I am looking forward to the dinner – which is always the truth. They may also have their own ‘confirmation’ process – make sure you complete it and are super-nice and well mannered in your communication. No one wants to enter an extended booking stressed or feeling slightly annoyed with their companion.

I always get to the ‘attached hotel’ or if that isn’t possible, where I am staying at least an hour before the date is due to start. I want to be freshly showered, smell good (not too over the top), have fresh breath, be well dressed, be relaxed, do a final review of the escort’s profile and make sure the room (and payment) is fully ready for the dinner and afterwards – music, lights, other drinks, ice, envelope and anything else that is part of the date. Make it special for you both and get the preparation done and finished.

Having the date play out.

So many possibilities, but here is some more advice. Be an attentive conversationalist, but also let the escort drive some or most of it, they are usually very good at dinner and at keeping conversation going. Let them drive the dinner as well, how many courses, what to order and most of the related decisions, unless they specifically ask you to decide. Short or long dinners are fine with me, as long as my dinner guest is happy with the end result and overall timing. Don’t set budget rules, most escorts won’t go crazy and make sure you tip well at the end – showing restaurant staff some generosity sends a pretty important signal and I believe that you should recognise great service in any case.

When you retire, let the escort drive the experience again. If the ‘business’ still needs to be sorted, do it immediately, it doesn’t matter how good the rapport, if the escort is still hanging out for payment, every passing second is reducing the ‘mood’ of the date. Do it nicely and do it immediately. Further drinks and relaxation (non-alcoholic if the escort doesn’t want to drink), a bit of continued conversation should all ease nicely into what else is to come. Handled well, by both client and escort, dinner dates in my view can be the ultimate format – sexy, relaxing, enjoyable and satisfying on so many levels. The balance of physical and conversational intimacy can be sublime.

Final thoughts.

You may have other privacy, secrecy and other considerations – take care of them as well. Interruptions, calls and other forms of disruption can happen in longer date formats, but do your best to avoid them. Your use of your phone will set a tone for the escort to maybe use (and check) theirs as well. I feel that taking photos and having a relaxed companion who isn’t stressing over what is happening on their phone is best, so some mobile use makes perfect sense. I must admit however, that lately I have noticed a growing trend of escorts to spend a lot of time on their phones during bookings, it is concerning and off-putting if it is taken to extremes, and can have a big impact on the quality of the date. Make sure you are not the one setting a negative tone for this. My attention is fully on the escort I am with for the duration of the date, sometimes their attention might drift, forgive them for this, as anything else just robs you of your own experience.

Not everyone can afford the cost of a dinner date. It isn’t just the extended booking, in addition the meal, hotel, drinks and associated costs can add up to a large amount. I never add this up, but some people don’t have that luxury. I would however suggest that if you can undertake this form of booking every now and again, do so, it is in my humble opinion the best mix of long and short bookings, and can make for a most amazing experience.

Some of my dinner dates will permanently reside in my memory among my all-time best moments. In fact I have discussed some of those memories in Degustation Dream and Harbour Lights – both simply perfect dinner bookings.

Dining with a beautiful and intelligent woman is a most wonderful experience.

Thank you readership. Thanks also Zoe and Anya for comments on the original version of this article. New thoughts, comments, insights and your own experiences much appreciated. Please share and comment if you feel inclined.

Xx SP 14 March 2017 (article updated 8 May 2017 and again on 6 May 2018).

Hurt feelings

When I started, I never expected to hurt anyone’s feelings.

New world, strange expectations!

When I look back to the beginning of my own journey, for some reason I felt that the whole reason for seeing an escort was to avoid entanglement. Oh, and of course to see someone that you could never get to meet in real life. It was a very simplistic view of the escort world.

I didn’t expect that I would get hurt feelings. I certainly never expected that I would hurt anyone else’s feelings. In those early days, I foolishly believed that I wouldn’t have strong feelings for the escorts that I met, and it didn’t even enter my head, that a few escorts may have feelings for me too!

HotelRoom

A double life – you’re not a ‘muggle’ anymore.

So the first feelings hurt were my own. I have a slightly addictive personality as well as a typical male’s needy one. I also fall in love relatively easily.  That is a dangerous cocktail of emotional need, connection and human addiction. So when I first started re-booking and then seeing certain escorts regularly, their commentary about great bookings and their great clients hurt my ego a little – I wondered if my time with them would ever be remembered like that? I found out, that I had pretty strong feelings for some of these wonderful women.

Initially, I didn’t think that I wanted to be ‘special’ in their lives, but I found that was becoming increasingly important to me with some of the regular escorts I was seeing – and if I’m being honest, knowing that in a number of these cases, I wasn’t at all special to them, hurt! It hurt like a ‘mother-fucker’.

So to some degree, I got over this. I spent a long-time ‘smacking myself in the face’ with logic. To some degree this worked, I understood that just getting a little friendly message between bookings, or a slight overstay, or just general authentic and honest interest in my life and well-being (as well as being allowed to re-book of course), were all signals that I was at least an appreciated client, if not a favoured one. I took strength from those small but sweet gifts of attention and interest. What I still didn’t realise, in slightly hardening myself against the personal hurt, was that some of these escorts also had some feelings for me. Beyond the basic business of ‘playing the companion’, some of the escorts I met, actually liked me just a little.

Hurting an escort’s feelings.

Everyone is different and so is every escort. This is obvious but important, as everyone’s tolerance for pretty much anything is different. The idiot that I am, I thought that a professional escort would not be hurt by knowing that I was seeing other escorts, after all, they were seeing so many other men (and women). That idea, along with a number of others I held as a ‘newly-minted’ client, was wrong in a number of instances.

Many escorts like to ‘turn a blind eye’ to what their clients do when not with them, just as I liked to do the same in reverse. For some escorts, perhaps it comes down to professional competitiveness and business risk (loosing a client), for others however, it is a genuine human interconnection, and being aware of the truth (especially in detail) can hurt. It really doesn’t matter whether you are a client or an escort – feelings are feelings and they are not at all logical.

Maybe it is not always a deep hurt, but some pain and discomfort at least. I was unaware of this, as I was telling myself the ‘logical story’ that of course ‘why would any escort actually care for me’. In that ignorance, I was oblivious to the fact that the details of my other bookings, and certain escort-related actions, were hurting the feelings of some of the escorts to whom I had become the most connected with. I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I was mortified when I found out that I had.

The extreme cases.

Not only do I have strong feelings for a number of escorts that I have met, I may have actually fallen in love with more than one of them, a story that I added a specific blog article about called ‘Loving an Escort’ that goes into greater detail. I know that this level of feeling isn’t reciprocated, it isn’t even reasonable, and in many ways it could even be seen as creepy and very poor client behaviour – but I am just a human being with feelings that most of the time do what they will, whether I want them to or not.

All it really means in practice is that the ‘hurts’ are far stronger. It is very hard for any of us to feel forgotten, or hold a level of interest in someone that isn’t reciprocated. Often clients feel this, as a significant part of the whole industry is for clients to ‘experience’ what it is like to be with a Girlfriend (GFE bookings). If that ‘Girlfriend’ illusion is strong and residual (and let’s face it the best Escorts make your truly want to be their Boyfriend), it is difficult for clients watching as their ‘temporary Girlfriend’ goes about being a professional companion, marketing and promoting their business, their clients and their experiences. It can be even harder watching some escorts denounce clients in general as awful, tragic and broken people. It is even harder, when for whatever reason, they denounce you.

For me, the personal benefits of continuing to enjoy these relationships is more than worth the hurt. Some of the feelings need to be buried deep and not openly expressed – freaking someone out with adoration is only going to end the connection in most cases. The ‘heart wants what the heart wants’ but that doesn’t mean that you need to freak people out with it. Staying cool is a valuable skill but a hard lesson to learn. It is one that I am still on a journey to learning and a year after initially writing the article, I still can’t say I have mastered this.

A double life or a multiple life – what is the answer?

So coming back to the beginning, I went into being a client of escorts and started a ‘double-life’. I never thought that in the ‘client-world’, things would need to be further compartmentalized and that ‘secrets within secrets’ might become a requirement. I sometimes think that the only answer to avoiding ‘causing pain’ is to move into a ‘multiple-life’ of even greater division and secrecy – I am however not ready for that, it seems a step too far.

The alternative is to understand and even embrace that some level of pain goes along with joy, ecstasy and love. Maybe I need to feel pain to know that I’m alive, just as much as I need to experience the classically positive emotions. In fact we can’t really feel joy, love, happiness and ecstasy without it contrasting against other darker moments in our lives – light and shade.

Maybe some escorts need to realise this too. If they are feeling client induced pain from a strong connection, maybe that is a good thing. They are alive, the work has emotional meaning, and they probably have a client who is going to be around for a long time! Assuming that both can stay-in-the-moment and not expect or demand more from the connection than the other is willing or able to give. Of course I added a blog post on that thought too, called ‘Staying in the Moment’.

Being a regular client of amazing escorts isn’t the simple magical world that I thought it was, but I’m never going back to a ‘muggle’ life. Perhaps with the added layers and complexity it is an even better world.

Thank you for you readership. Please feel free to share, comment, disagree, I’m am always happy for your thoughts and input. Of course this is the view of one simple client, and I am not speaking for others. Thanks also for the comments on the original version of the article from Jack and Bella.

Xx SP 11 March 2017 (article updated 8 May 2017 and again 6 May 2018)

Am I a time-waster?

What creates an online time-waster? Some thoughts …

It isn’t nice to be branded a time-waster!

Yet every client who spends time on social media will have been told, at one point or another, that they are a time-waster, some equivalent of “make a booking or get off social media” and stop engaging with ‘us’ here.

I know not every escort passes this judgement, but in dark moments and dark moods, or in the midst of a more disagreeable exchange with the truly nasty people out there on the Internet, it is easy to say … “punters who like using your free-time on social media go away, you are just wasting our time!”

TimeShot

Time-wasting and ‘pre-meeting’ social media connections.

In as much as my social media use can be considered typical, there are several reasons for me to be on Twitter and maintaining some contact (personal message, text and email) with certain escorts. Perhaps the best way to consider this is within ‘stages of connection’. What ‘steps’ are happening in the social media channels.

The first classical marketing stage would be awareness. A prospective client may become aware of an escort through any number of methods, including key websites such as Scarlet Blue, PP, AA and so on. Of course clients will be ‘aware’ faster if they are seeing posts from these sites in their social media feeds, and actually helping with awareness if they are re-posting or commenting on them, and thereby putting them in other people’s social feeds as well. This is especially the case since platforms like Twitter started ‘shadow-banning’ and in other ways hiding the content of Escorts and this industry.

After awareness comes consideration, would I like to meet? Some escorts believe clients should silently observe escort’s social media posts and make this decision by reading content alone – essentially stalk silently but don’t engage. The ‘dialogue’ between social media active clients and social media active escorts however can be part of the consideration process, not only for the ‘prospective client’ that is engaged, but also for others that are observing how Escorts interact with other prospective clients. In all honesty, I have gone ‘cold’ on the idea of meeting certain escorts when I see how they treat prospective clients and their fellow workers within social media channels. Rightly or wrongly, it is the feeling of ‘dodging a bullet’ in the same way workers feel when they avoid what looks like an apparent bad booking when a ‘jerk reveals their colours’ or treats another person badly on social media – it’s a two-way street.

‘Post-meeting’ social media connection.

Things can get even worse once a booking has happened. In the marketing area of post-purchase satisfaction, many clients (and possibly a few escorts as well) are looking for the ‘booking’ to be mentioned in some way. Personal messages, public messages, reviews and many other possible communication options send a signal. A client considering re-booking or becoming a regular may also be looking for cues, feedback and knowing more about the escort. Is there any signal that it was a ‘good booking’?

This can look like ‘time-wasting’ to everyone else not directly involved, and can even look like time-wasting to the escort in question. Public content also has the problem of clashing with straight marketing for new clients and also possibly with other trusted and loyal regulars – this area is a minefield. It may be complicated and need to fit with other requirements, but it shouldn’t be classed as time-wasting.

I don’t think there is an easy answer, but for anyone who thinks clients should ‘be seen and not heard’ and not be active in social media channels, perhaps consider that everyone has different communication needs and a different social interaction and the channels (talking mainly Twitter here) are themselves not meant to be one-sided or ‘out-of-bounds’ for any group in any part of the modern online social world. Although that is changing in this terrible new censorship era we seem to be heading into, where none of us may have a voice on public online channels for much longer if we keep letting politicians and platforms drive us back into the dark ages.

My time is my own to use as I wish and so is yours, if I am a time-waster for you, then don’t let me use your time, but don’t try and classify me for everyone else with a different view of the world, or people who know first-hand that I am not wasting their time. Just choose to use your time somewhere else. Un-following, blocking and muting would seem far better than insulting people online, just because your use and social media approach is different to someone else’s experience.

It isn’t you I’m saying this too anyway, as that audience probably wouldn’t have made it here to the end of the article anyway – or had already blocked me a long time ago. Your thoughts and experiences are most welcome.

Xx SP 9 March 2017 (article updated on 7 May 2017 and again on 6 May 2018).

OMG Escort Rates

One client’s perspective on escort rates – yes I went there!

Don’t talk about rates! Pay what is asked!

These are the two golden rules of rates when it comes to clients and escorts. Don’t talk about rates, don’t talk about rates, don’t talk about rates! Pay what is asked or walk away!

So why, in only my second blog article, am I tackling possibly the most controversial topic of all? Plus why did I come back on 3 May 2017 and again on 6 May 2018, and add some additional edits to this article? Am I crazy?

MoneyRates

Rates from one clients perspective.

Perhaps the third rule is ‘don’t discuss what role rates play’ in the escort and client dynamic and client’s decision making process. Now here is some territory that perhaps isn’t that well understood, because we never really talk about it. So remembering that this is only my perspective, here we go …

Why does an escort charge a certain rate?

At some level this is market forces at work, the same as almost any service industry, but with some major differences. A client normally doesn’t know, and shouldn’t know the basis of an individual escort’s rate decisions. Maybe the escort only wants a certain volume of bookings and lifts their price to reduce quantity, as a result maximising their earning potential from a lower volume approach. Maybe it is the opposite, and rates are lower to maximise the quantity of bookings and win new clients in a full-time, higher volume approach. That decision is private and largely secret and there are many personal factors involved.

There are a huge number of personal and business reasons for choosing a particular set of rates and that is entirely up to the escort – end of discussion. Something many clients (a couple of my own very early mistakes included) take some time to learn. As a client, when you would like to see a particular escort, and feel that their rate is higher than your payment comfort level – walk away – seriously, walk away … it is the only option. Almost no discussion past this point ever ends well.

Why does a client choose to book at certain rate(s)?

Again this is private for many of the same reasons: volume, personal finances, preferred booking format (duration and type) and again a host of other private reasons. So all I can speak to is my own experience. Over time I have settled into a preferred booking type (duration) that I mix around a little for both new experiences and some variety. I also have a preferred pricing rate, or more accurately a pricing range, that again I play around with from time to time. I am fairly comfortable with where I fit, and the type of escorts that I generally like to see.

The reason for the ‘format’ preference is that it works best for my personality, desires and comfort within a booking. The reason for the rate-range is that it is where most of the escorts I see regularly price their service. Purchasing comfort, and after a while a sense of fairness and loyalty, as much as anything else, keeps me largely within that preferred rate range.

Everyone’s range and preference is different, and they shouldn’t be shamed, just as every escort’s rate can be different, and they shouldn’t be shamed or questioned either. Both the escort’s pricing decisions and the client’s buying decisions should be respected – where they match bookings should occur, and where they don’t match, bookings should not occur. It’s pretty simple at that level, when we keep entitlement, jealousy, competitiveness and other comparisons out of the mix and decision process.

What are the signals given by rate choices?

There are however many signals given to prospective clients by selecting certain rates and rate structures. I say prospective clients, because rates are part of the escort’s ‘marketing mix’ before a client has seen that escort. After the first meeting, the price may be a future barrier or incentive to re-booking, but it isn’t simply about first-booking marketing any more. For prospective clients, the time lengths and booking selections on offer and their price differences ‘say something’ about the escort, their preferences and ‘booking type’ fit. Here are a couple of over-simplified examples.

If an escort has a reducing scale for longer bookings it tends to signal a preference for longer dates (compared to more hours being on the same unchanging hourly rate). If a dinner booking is significantly less than the same number of hours for a comparable straight booking, then it would seem to signal that dinner bookings are a preferred, or at least enjoyed booking type (especially if the escort says as much and talks about food and dining in their profile). If overnight and weekend rates have a significant reduction on the base hourly rate, then once again a signal is sent. This may not be true or even the deliberate intention of the escort, but it is the signal that is sent to a potential first time client in any case. These pricing signals combine with photos, bios, social media and other elements in the client’s selection of who they are going to try and book.

Value and cost, or if you prefer, the apparent hierarchy of escort rates?

This is possibly where most of the angst about rates comes from – what is an escort worth? How do they compare? What does a higher rate buy? I don’t like or even agree with any of these questions for the following reasons that I hope are obvious.

The escort-client booking is almost unique compared to most other financial transactions. The difference between a good experience and a bad experience is as far apart as any service can be. A client can spend the same amount of money with two escorts and have, in one case the best experience of their life, and in the other case an experience they would wish to forget – one is priceless, the other (at best) is a waste of money. For an escort, the gulf between good and bad is even more profound – it is the enormous gap between an enjoyable connection and putting their life at risk – the full range of possibilities that exist in human interaction, one is relatively easy money and the other is not worth any amount of money.

Put another way, one extreme asks the question – why wouldn’t everyone want to do this as a profession? The other extreme – why would anyone do this with such great potential risk attached? This dialogue leads into perceptions, society, bad clients, good clients, sexism and a host of topics for another time (which as at the time of updating this article over a year later, I still haven’t had the courage to tackle that many of these sensitive areas). Within these ranges, talk of ‘is it worth the money’ is almost nonsensical. Personally I have had many experiences that I will never forget and I have also had one or two rare ones, that I wish I had forgotten already – at those extremes, the value for money conversation makes no sense at all.

An escort is worth far more than their rate.

The range of experience and quality has very little to do with pricing and rate. It also varies enormously between one encounter where there is a good connection and another encounter where the client and escort simply don’t ‘click’. Depending upon needs, connection and a host of non-monetary ‘compatibility’ elements, the connection between escort and client is largely independent of rate. My experiences do not correlate at all with rate. I have had mind-blowing bookings with ‘lower-rate’ escorts and not-so-great ones with ‘higher-rate’ escorts. Really after the booking is made, a client should try and forget the rate and enjoy the ‘date’ as by that point, the amount spent has lost any relevance on the experience. The trick is finding where the balance lies and then sticking with it as much as possible – specifically the dynamic of ‘regulars’ (a topic I covered after this initial article, looking at rates and the impact on maintaining ongoing ‘regular’ client-escort connections).

So an escort chooses their rate as an earning and business decision, it is not a reflection of their value – any quality escort is ‘worth’ so much more than their ‘rate’. An escort is selling a service, provided personally for a set time – they are not selling themselves and as a result the rate is their pricing on the value of their service, it is not their personal value.

For a client, their spending rate is also a capacity and personal decision, it should not be seen as stating or inferring value and a good client knows that they are getting more than their money is worth, and for that reason, clients should ‘add value’ to the date. Clients should ‘bring additional value’ with manners, a nice environment, being at our best (attire, hygiene, cleanliness, sober and in a good frame-of-mind) and anything else that shows real value for another human being’s time, where money does not. Clients who think about ‘giving more than their money’ are generally going to get a far better experience, and the value and enjoyment is increased for both the client and escort alike.

More to say?

I had hoped to get into regulars, rate changes, discounting, gifts and other connected topics, but this is already too long an article, so more another day. A little of this was added later under ‘Discounts, promos and rates’ if you are interested in that follow up article. Obviously I am interested in your comments and thoughts. This is only my view, so please don’t get into heated debate. I am only speaking for myself and my experience, not for every client and certainly not for escorts – please add your perspective here in comments if you want or through discussion on Twitter.

Thanks so much for your readership!

Xx SP 7 March 2017 (article updated 3 May 2017 and again when republished on 6 May 2018).

Making it Regular

Building a regular client-escort relationship. Some thoughts …

Dynamics of more regular client-escort relationships.

If you’ve been a client of escorts for any length of time, you will probably end up with a regular companion (or possibly more than one regular escort). Every successful escort is also more than likely to have their core group of regular clients as well.

Maintaining this connection should be enjoyable, fulfilling and highly desirable for both parties, it can also be a huge challenge. This article starts an exploration of the topic of ‘regulars’.

KitKats

So who chooses to make it a ‘regular’ situation?

Perhaps the general thinking is that it is the client. The client makes a ‘first-booking’ decision, finding an escort that works for them in whatever way is important, and then continues over time to make further repeat, and ultimately regular bookings with this preferred companion.

I think however that astute escorts should also (and do also) play perhaps the major role in this dynamic, effectively choosing the clients that they would ‘like’ as regulars and then making it appealing for these clients to ‘stick’ in a regular booking relationship for as long as it lasts. The dynamic is a mutual one.

We can’t all be regulars! There is maths involved in availability.

Many clients make multiple bookings. For escorts, winning these new clients (in the marketing sense) can be hard work, and the idea of developing a cohort of established, regular and financially valuable clients makes a sensible part of any business strategy. So a successful escort, attracting clients and making the volume of bookings that they want, may ultimately have a quantity of regular clients that makes sense for their individual business model.

These regulars can be ‘chosen’ at random, as the end result of clients choosing, of their own accord, who they want to ‘repeat book’. Alternatively, an escort can play a role in choosing the ‘type of client’ that they want as one of their regulars. After all we can all only have so many regulars, so it makes sense for all involved to participate actively in this ‘choice’. An escort should maximise her business for the best possible fit and results, and ‘choose’ the clients that best make this happen for them.

How do we choose each other as regulars?

Perhaps I am not as good a client as I think, but my experience is that there is rarely any incentive offered by most escorts to ‘hold’ regular clients – at least from my observation and discussions. I am not talking about special deals, discount-pricing or ‘frequent flyer’ type arrangements, I am simply talking about classical ‘client relationship’ hooks. Special communication, notification of availability and desire to ‘catch-up’, small signs of appreciation, ideas for future bookings and any extra dose of incentive, matched to the escorts individuality, that will hold the attention of a client they would like as a regular over the competing forces in the industry that may ‘drag them away’.

(Update note (April 2018): this is not really true for me anymore. I have some regulars who go to great effort to understand me, be kind to me, and work together on our booking plans. It isn’t about discounts or special-deals, it just about each of us making the other feel special. So I am hooked of course and hopefully they don’t mind me as a client. I guess the editorial note here, is that this takes some time – for example the time since I first wrote this article more than a year ago.)

After all, holding a regular and reliable client makes business sense – it is by definition generally more reliable, safer, easier (if the selection is right) and hopefully more mutually enjoyable.

So why does this fail so often?

I’m still getting my head around this and there is clearly no single reason. The obvious reasons include clients and escorts retiring or changing their habits, desires or any other aspect of their ‘way of operating’. Financial situations change, successful escorts may ‘price themselves’ out of a former regular’s financial capacity or other financial details may change. People grow apart, or things do not ‘improve’, even in the unusual client-escort relationship world, relationship dynamics happen.

There is also the whole industry force of ‘swapping’ – the client finds a new favorite or the reverse happens and the escort has a new, preferred group of regular clientèle. The group of forces that perhaps intrigue me more, are even more subversive, sub-conscious and oh so human. I’m calling these reasons for the failure of regular ‘client-escort’ relationships … The Test!

So what is The Test?

We all know something about clients ‘choosing’ particular escorts for the first time and also the screening and other reverse ‘selection’ or perhaps more appropriately ‘approval’ processes that escorts use in varying ways. Far less discussion exists around what happens in terms of ‘additional filtering and selection’ in later dates. I have come, for simplicity’s sake, to call this The Test.

It can be anything. It is also generally administered by both the escort and the client (usually very differently and at different times), but it is almost always to ‘test’ that there is a regular relationship and it is most likely not even a conscious act. A client may ask for a favour, expect more time, something to be said, a special thank-you or just be surprisingly obnoxious (probably without realizing it) hoping to not be ‘rejected’ … a test that happens in many relationships. What the client is looking for, is some sign from the escort that they have a ‘special’ relationship, that their connection can survive the occasional ‘bump in the road’. Unfortunately, all to often, they can’t.

If the client, doesn’t get a sign, or worse yet a degradation in the relationship, it is likely that there won’t be many more bookings. This isn’t restricted to clients. Escorts may also ‘test a client’, to see if they are ‘above others’ in the mind of the client and similar unusual behaviours may be sub-consciously conducted to see ‘will my regular still re-book’ and therefore is our relationship more special and durable than others. These are self-destructive human actions that happen all the time and more often than not end the regular relationship – especially if they persist over time.

It is strange that we don’t do ‘deliberately positive’ reinforcements more often, maybe we are hard-wired to test our friends, lovers and even paid or paying partners. I think the study of this alone would be interesting work, but as usual the psychology or sociology of sex-work is almost as taboo in society’s thinking as the act, and I certainly don’t have any hard evidence to base any of this on.

So what does it all mean?

Don’t ask me, I can’t work all this complexity out. The only thing I know is that my success rate for the ‘testing dynamic’ isn’t that great. I’ve lost regular companions because we ‘tested’ each other out, before I even knew that this was a thing or that I had this self-destructive thing within me.

I survived another ‘test’, where I am ashamed to say, I was the one doing the testing (not deliberately of course), but now that I look backwards, I can see that she was a very special person to have survived what I regretfully and sub-consciously ‘tested’ her with. It probably made our connection weaker, but now that I am aware of my physiological weakness here, I am increasingly determined to use positive relationship building rather than accidentally stress-testing connections to see if they hold. It’s a work in progress, I have my issues and neediness that made me a client in the first place still being resolved. I always try and improve, be better, but it is a journey that includes the occasional backward step.

In other cases, I hope that I can see this coming and also recognise if an escort is ‘testing me’, rather than just the situation where we are not compatible as regulars.

Sorry no profound answers here, but hopefully something for you to consider in your own journey. Comments and feedback as always most welcome. Plus I hold no anger, only sadness, with any of my endings and wish everyone I have come into contact with on this journey only the best upon their own.

Xx SP 8 March 2017 (article updated 6 May 2017 and again 17 April 2018).

Post-Booking Melancholy

Coming down from the high of seeing an escort.

Seeing an escort was wonderful – so why am I so sad?

What goes up, must come down. A useless saying, but in a sense it can be the simple truth of the emotional roller-coaster that we all ride.

I have chosen the word ‘melancholy’ to describe the mood that can follow an escort booking. Meaning a period of reflective sadness with no obvious cause, it is a feeling that I experience all too often. It is also one that both clients and escorts speak about, as we move between the awesome highs, and low lows of this amazing escort-client world. The phenomenon of ‘post-booking melancholy’.

CloudsRollIn

When the clouds roll in.

My bookings with escorts are one of the great joys in my life. Making a booking, the sense of anticipation in the lead-up to the meeting, that moment of meeting someone for the first-time are all adrenaline raising experiences. Other strong emotions appear when we reconnect with an adored regular, and of course the bookings themselves are all experiences that those of us who know them, feel sorry for the rest of the world that doesn’t. A client-escort booking is an amazing high, that builds, has a crescendo, and then a relatively hard landing as the real-world comes flooding back in to our ‘muggle’ lives.

Why do the French call an orgasm – ‘Le Petite Mort’?

The ‘Little Death’ can refer to the spiritual release that comes with orgasm and a feeling of melancholy or transcendence somewhat likened to death, or the death of a little part of us inside and the expenditure of life force. The whole ebb and flow of an escort booking can be considered in a similar way, with the peak at the booking and a ‘little death’ afterwards. As mentioned in previous articles, a post-booking contact of reinforcement can be similar to a hug or kiss or sign of affection after orgasm – one way of reducing the ‘little death’, but with or without that, a little part of you dies and the clouds roll in after the sun is gone.

Why purchases make us feel ecstatic and depressed simultaneously?

The wonderful Wikipedia will tell you that ‘Buyer’s Remorse’ or ‘post-purchase depression’ after major purchases comes “from a fear of making the wrong choice, guilt over extravagance, or a suspicion of having been overly influenced by the seller”. I guess these can certainly apply to the escort-client transaction, however in the case of this unique purchase, I would restate these three factors in the following ways …

The ‘gap’ until the next ‘high’.

The wrong choice is not a factor in melancholy for me. The whole ‘choice’ element has a different flavour, when the booking goes well, it is about ‘how long until I can meet this escort again’ and relive this wonderful experience. Since the reality is, like the day after Christmas, the moment straight after the booking is also the longest distance from the next booking – the next high. One way to reduce this cause of sadness is to ‘lock-in’ the next booking, as then the length of time is set and you have something to ‘look forward to’, and the escort also knows that you appreciated the last booking.

Spending money and financial constraints.

The guilt over extravagance is also not a factor as such. I am always conscious that I am a very fortunate person (although from humble beginnings) and being able to do what I do, being able to afford independent escorts on a relatively frequent basis already makes me both fortunate and extravagant. This guilt isn’t ‘post-booking’ it is ongoing and material for a future article, but for me it is not a part of the post-booking ‘down’ mood. I would imagine, that if I was not able to afford to see a wonderful escort for an extended period of time, or the booking resulted in some financial hardship, then this may well be a factor contributing to melancholy. Maybe in a way I feel guilty that this isn’t a regret factor for me.

The pain of choice and the rejection of alternate pathways.

Finally a ‘suspicion of being over influenced by the seller’ is an intriguing factor that I want to cover around both ‘seller influence’ and ‘suspicion’. Firstly ‘seller influence’ as it would translate to the choice on ‘who to book’. The choice is mine and if I allow that to be influenced, then the fault is mine if I am unhappy or fooled by the influence. So I understand this could be a factor, but for me it is about something else, it is about loyalty, opportunity, rejection and self-doubt.

After a great booking, I wonder about when I will see that wonderful escort next, however I also wonder about how long it will be until I see some other escorts that I feel strong connections with as well. This whole complicated ‘when and who’ conundrum is fraught with angst and emotion. Every choice made seems to close the door on all of the other scenarios and I feel some subtle distress, I guess we can call it melancholy, at this pain of ‘selection’.

Put another way, there are a few escorts I would see as much as I could and some others I really want to see again at some stage. Every booking is a choice that includes one of those pathways being fulfilled and all of the others being rejected. I know ‘rejected’ is a harsh word, but it explains the weird guilt and deprivation that I feel. Guilt in choosing one escort over another and deprivation in not being able to fulfill all of my selfish personal desires. The moment after the enjoyment of one booking is when both the guilt and deprivation are at their strongest. In a way, the pain of choice is also brought back into the picture as the certainty of a ‘single booking’ moment in time concludes and choices once again have to be made.

My insecurities get their moment.

So finally suspicion. I hope that this is just a reflection of my personal insecurities and weaknesses, I fear however that it is a shared human condition. In the ‘time bubble’ of a booking, there is a purity of place, time and emotion, the perfect chance to get out of one’s own head and shut those demons up for a brief and wondrous moment in time.

In the time that passes afterwards, I doubt myself, I doubt the moment, my insecurities re-assert themselves and the darker voices tell me that it wasn’t as good as it felt, the moment was a lie, my part is done and I am rightfully forgotten. I suspect that I am not as special as I felt, that the escort despises me as another tragic, entitled, middle-aged buffoon. Worst of all, I wonder if I am ignorant of the lies I tell myself.

It is easy to listen to the negative.

The perverse irony of the universe is that the stronger the high from the booking, or the closeness I have with the escort, the stronger my subsequent insecurity is likely to be. This is as honest as I can be, a window to everyone that the ‘apparent strength of a successful middle aged man’ is all a facade, there is a little boy cowering behind the curtain hoping that someone, somewhere, actually likes him just a little and thinks about him without disgust.

If any reason existed for me to stop seeing escorts entirely it is because of this easy to trigger insecurity. I have stopped seeing some escorts under circumstances where I couldn’t suspend my disbelief anymore, because the evidence of disdain or dislike was too strong. These escort break-ups are their own special form of ‘Le Petite Mort’, killing me a little inside each time, because in my mind I am that same worthless person that they see. The longer you are at this activity, the more ‘breakdowns’ there will be, and if these trigger insecurity, then the load builds with each addition to the negative internal voices.

Wow, that was full-on!

So, not wanting to end this article in the depths of ‘post-booking melancholy’, what can we do about it if it exists for more people than just me. Firstly book ahead, the process of making a booking can re-start the pathway toward another ‘sunny day’ and build a sense of positive anticipation.

Tell the escorts that you care about how special they are, this may not rid all the guilt of loyalty and selection, but hopefully it is good for the sender and a pleasant thing for the receiver. Try to hear the messages of love, worth, support and value and dismiss the negative ones, whether they are from others or the more insidious ones we tell ourselves. Send communications, I know that I’ve said it before to what has been mixed reception, but as long as discretion, privacy, security, marketing and business conditions are met, send post-booking communications to reduce ‘the little death’.

The escort perspective?

I have also been told that many escorts feel this same post-booking sensation at times, and with certain clients. If you have been reading my articles, you know I am reluctant to (read as: will never) say anything on behalf of escorts, but I think the important point here is that it’s better to treat escorts as though they feel the same emotional roller-coaster than it is to treat them as having resolved these feelings and as a result don’t feel any emotion toward their client. I would rather try and do no harm and ‘believe’ what I felt, than protect my heart from ‘dying a little’ when I discover those distressing instances where I really was just an another anonymous punter with a payment.

I was just not built to be cynical or harsh and would rather be hurt than cause hurt, for me that is a far better way to walk through life. I am interested in client and escort perspectives, but remember this one is just my own, one boy behind a curtain.

Thank you for your readership. I look forward to any comments and feedback and appreciate any sharing of these articles.

Xx 🌺 SP 23 March 2017 (article updated 14 May 2017 and again 15 April 2018).

Becoming a Client

The journey of one client – how did it begin?

Why did I become a client of escorts?

Everyone has a ‘how did it begin’ story. Clients, and much of the world at large are interested in how escorts began their journey. Less interesting is how clients began, but since it ‘takes two-to-tango’, here is the story of one of them – me.

When I started as a client, it was the mid-point of a part of my life-journey that is still unfolding. Many of the causes I didn’t realise at the time, and I’m sure many of them I’m still to learn and appreciate, but this is what I know so far.

SydneyBridge2

What was happening when I first booked an escort?

It was the convergence of a few things, each with their own timeline. Firstly, I hit an age where there are more days behind me than days left in front of me – no matter what I like to tell myself. Secondly, I was traveling a lot for work, and spending many, many lonely nights in glamorous hotels. Finally, I was not happy in many parts of my life, including within the intimate, sexual, love and friendship aspects of my life – and this had been the case for a very long time.

I guess this is not uncommon and is almost a text-book (if there was a text-book) case of both a mid-life-crisis as well as an on-ramp to booking the services of Escorts. Despite this, it did take a long time for me to gain both the inclination and the courage to make that first booking – I put up with this scenario for a long time, years in fact. Against these forces, I was building a successful business, bringing up children, putting on weight and telling myself I was doing a good job. Telling myself that I was happy, lucky and successful. I wasn’t happy!

The trigger (or catalyst).

A close friend of mine died suddenly of a heart attack. Like me he was under-50 and had shared a very similar life. A close circle of us were dramatically impacted, and we all had the natural response of thinking, that could very easily have been me. You make an assessment of where you stand in a moment like that – and I didn’t like how that self-assessment looked.

I had so many things that I wanted to do. Things I had been putting off. I wanted to travel, see shows, sports, and places that I hadn’t got around to seeing yet. I wanted to make mad, passionate love, try sexual things that I had not yet experienced, and find out sexually what I liked. Yes, I had been out of sexual intimacy for so long, that I didn’t even know what I wanted or liked anymore, or even what was possible. I didn’t even know my body properly (a story for a future article) and believed personal image things about myself that I’ve since learned were not actually true. I wanted a shot at being young again, before it was forever too late.

The ‘on-ramp’ to booking escorts.

Initially I did make changes. I told myself, in very clear terms, that I needed to be selfish. I needed to take time away from work and home that was just for me, and realise that things I had been telling myself were ‘for me’, were actually just things I needed to do because of the world I had built around myself. Learning to be a bit more self-centered may come easily to some people – it remains a difficult path for me. I fight guilt at having a secret life and focusing on my own enjoyment above the needs of others.

In the early days, I went along to a strip-club while traveling with some work connections – something I normally refused or managed to avoid. I also went for non-sexual massages and then later some more deliberately erotic ones – although I’m yet to experience Nuru – something still for the ‘bucket-list’ (actually since the original article – I have ticket this experience off). I also watched more porn, not that I hadn’t before, and in retrospect, it wasn’t porn that I needed, it was deeper human contact and intimacy.

After a few strip-club visits, I met a dancer who would meet me at my hotel after her shift. Our arrangement was that I bought her room service dinner and paid the equivalent of a one-hour private dance. At the start it was a private dance (only) and then a late dinner (well more an early breakfast) and lots of talking. Later it was just talking and eating as the dance was only an excuse for me to have her with me as company, rather than being always alone.

We spoke about how stripping worked around the world, her immigration issues, our friends, our lives, our current issues, and what we wanted to achieve in our lives. This only lasted a few months, before I realised that I actually needed the sex too, and that wasn’t part of our arrangement. Every sex industry participant has their line, the area that is comfortable for them, and their boundaries. We wished each other well.

Booking my first escort.

Having decided that I was going to see an escort, I did what I always do, try to gather some knowledge. Early in my ‘research’, I came across the relatively new (at the time) Scarlet Blue website. I decided that of all of the avenues I had found online so far, it seemed to suit me the best. Their approach was clear and straight-forward and the way the escorts were marketed to prospective clients seemed to have some elegance and strong support of the workers, devoid of some of the sleazier and more degrading things I had come across elsewhere on the Internet.

I took my time trying to decide who I should meet first, and I observed a number of escorts through their social media activity, trying to get a little bit of a clue as to what they might be like in person. Eventually I made my choice and sent a text message request to the escort I wanted to see – even that was a nerve wracking moment.

Booking request.

I knew nothing (John Snow – sorry couldn’t help insert the Game of Thrones reference here). In fact less than nothing. I didn’t know if what I was doing was legal or illegal. I had no understanding of the etiquette, rules, and whether I would actually be meeting the person I thought I would be meeting. I was actually the most nervous about being a middle-aged guy meeting a beautiful young woman.

My text message must have been hilarious. It was too long, too much irrelevant detail, too confused on when and where, and most of all went into great lengths asking if I was an acceptable client, being middle aged, overweight, inexperienced and nervous. I wish I still had the text and the response – it would be amusing to so many of you. All I can say is that the escort was a true professional and put my mind at ease immediately. Obviously she thought the ‘age and fitness’ stuff was hilarious, but simply told me that made me a perfectly average client for her. The booking was made and I was due to see my first escort on my next interstate trip, about three weeks in the future.

My first booking.

During those weeks, I got called interstate again. Sitting bored in a hotel room, and having already committed to this path, I made a short notice booking with another escort. The booking didn’t go well. It was a combination of nerves, in-compatibility and some other aspects that weren’t clear to me at the time. I discovered later that the escort I saw was having major personal issues and shortly after our booking left Australia for good.

It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t good on a number of subtle levels and it would have prevented me from continuing as a client, if it wasn’t for the other booking that I felt I needed to honour. I don’t want to detail the issues of the first booking, they may be too identifiable, but I went into my second booking with even more nerves and trepidation.

My second booking.

Really my first booking, but my second escort meeting, it was the exact opposite of the first – it was amazing. The escort who arrived was exactly, no let me restate that, far better in real-life than in her profile. She greeted me affectionately, was a little nervous herself, bubbly, chatty and a real ‘presence’ in the hotel lobby. It was a three-hour booking, and ended up with two intimate sessions interspersed by us taking a break for some room service.

The exact memory of it is fading a little with time, but little things stand out. Smiles, time in the shower, great kissing, giggling and some real intimacy. Authentic openness about our lives, what we liked, and the rapid rush to intimacy that all the great first bookings have as a part of their dynamic. I was hooked, I was a client of that wonderful escort (and I was a client of hers for a long time, until her retirement), and I was also addicted to being a client of Escorts more generally.

Like a lot of us clients, we owe so much to the escorts that take us by the hand and show us the ropes, in a way, it is like loosing your virginity all over again. In my case, I owe my companion so much. She continued to see me, teach me, and support me along this wild journey as other companions have since. If there is such a thing as a modern-day muse, then I chose my first escort well, even after her retirement, she remains a source of inspiration for me still.

Hooked as a client.

I have fulfilled many of the ‘selfish’ ambitions I set for myself. I have traveled, I have seen and done more, but perhaps most of all I have become an ongoing client of the independent escort industry and of some specific escorts in particular. Almost all of my experiences are amazing and the escorts I continue to see are unique and I adore them each in their own way. There are many other stories for future articles, so far I have included becoming ‘Addicted to Escorts’ and ‘Why Multiple Escorts?’, however there are so many other aspects and stages of the journey, but for now, that is the story of how this one person became a client. I think just one more thing needs to be said …

What being a client means?

My life is not fully sorted, after all it is a journey. Being a client also means I have two lives – a secret one that I can only speak about with industry participants and here on these pages, and the ‘muggle’ one that I continue to live within as well. I guess some people, escorts and clients, can merge these two worlds, but many of us, again both clients and escorts, have to keep them apart (the subject of how we are all ‘Secret Keepers’ is covered in another article on this blog).

As a client, I have become happier (and at times sadder – it can be a roller-coaster of emotions), I have lost a significant amount of weight, become healthier and I think I am slowly becoming a better lover, friend and person. I still have lots of things I want to experience, now that my eyes have been opened to some of what is possible. I am still a ‘babe in the woods’ as far as the sexual experience side of the journey goes, but I have ambitions to learn more and experience more.

I also think my views on many things are changing (topics for another article). I don’t think most humans have their intimate, sexual and spiritual worlds worked out. Most of us are captive in a restrictive, false and hurtful model. This industry can’t change that alone, but I think it gives many of its participants other pathways that should become more mainstream.

I am not giving up being a client – it would seem like someone who has seen a glimpse of the future going back to a world they know is broken. I think that because this ‘secret world’ has moments that are so pure and amazing, it also creates connections that are equally powerful. My challenge is to find balance and not attach too much meaning and need to the connections that I experience. That is hard, because the majority of escorts are simply the most amazing people that anyone could ever hope to meet!

Thank you for reading. Sharing, comments and your readership is greatly appreciated. Thank you also to the wonderful companions that still share time with me and continue to teach me, make me feel alive and share intimate moments with me.

Xx SP 23 April 2017 (article updated 28 May 2017 and again 8 April 2018).