Siege Mentality

Why do sex workers and sex work clients act defensively?

What happens when we share a sense of victimization?

Society doesn’t like sex work. It doesn’t like sex workers, it doesn’t like sex work clients, and it doesn’t like the defenders of sex work! There is a perpetual human history of trying to shut down the world’s oldest profession, yet it never has, this is an industry, profession and human need that will never go away.

This means that ‘sex work’ and all of its participants and advocates have always, and probably always will, be under siege by the mainstream views, or at least the publicly stated views, of the bulk of society. This article isn’t about changing that, although I wish we could, it is about what happens to people under siege – what is happening to us?

ViewFromInside

What is siege mentality?

Siege mentality is a shared feeling of victimization and defensiveness in the face of the negative intentions of the rest of the world. Although a group phenomenon, the term describes both the emotions and thoughts of the group as a whole, and individuals being overly fearful of surrounding peoples, and an intractably defensive attitude (thanks Wikipedia).

Is the sex industry under siege? Of course it is, it always has been. Who is under siege? Escorts and sex workers most of all. Although the clients of sex workers, the defenders of sex work, and anyone who advocates for sex work, to a lesser degree, they are all under siege too. Anyone who sees sex work as work, as a valid and socially helpful industry and sees sex and intimate human interactions as being locked in some anachronistic dark ages – well all of those people are under siege. I am under siege writing this blog, having a secret life as a client of escorts, and having to be hidden from the world. If you are reading this, you are most likely under siege too!

Escorts under siege.

If you have read sociological articles or group psychology articles on this topic, I would love for you to point me in their direction. I have struggled to find much on the topic. What is true about a group under siege, is that normally there will be group social conformity, and lack of trust, and a preparedness to assume the worst in other groups (the enemy).

This is no doubt a topic better explored by others, if it hasn’t been already, and it is also a reality, not something that should necessarily (or can) be changed. As a ‘client blog’ however, I would like to take a short look at what it means for clients of escorts. In some circles, this is a symbiotic relationship, a partnership where the better participants make the industry work, and try to get along despite obvious differences. In other circles, clients are part of the enemy, even seen as worse than ‘non-participants’ by some people.

I can’t think of many industries, and this is still an industry, where the customer is so poorly regarded. The only ones that come to mind are other ‘industries’ that face siege mentality with the general public, and they include mental health, illicit drugs, police and the military. These service groups, also have strong threads of ‘customer hatred and dislike’ within their industry dynamic. Police often dislike their customers, as do drug dealers, soldiers and mental health workers. Not all of them, but enough to create a mini-war within the broader sociology of these group dynamics. There are some escorts who hate clients more than they hate the parts of society that want the whole sex work industry shut down.

What does this mean?

In a siege scenario, the escort group are always (and rightly) going to defend and support their socially cohesive colleagues, who are under the same public siege too. This makes sense, and certainly no one can know what it is like, what support is needed and help in more practical and emotional ways than fellow sex workers. There is however a choice as to whether other sex industry participants, primarily clients, are at the next level of industry cohesion and support, no better or worse than the hating public, or the worst of all – a necessary evil to be despised and used. This choice, like the framing of every group perception, depends on who is defined within the group(s), and how the groups are perceived.

Defining the client group.

There is a group of non-clients. Men and boys, who are either intrigued by sex workers and undertake unsavory activities such as online abuse, forum participation without experience, trolling, time-wasting, posting offensive material, insulting sex workers, faking bookings, absolute time wasting, robbery, and other versions of ‘getting their kick’ from the abuse and baiting of sex workers. In some circles, especially online examples where this behaviour is named and shamed, these disgraceful people are called clients. If they are called clients, then these disgraceful acts become seen as part of ‘client behaviour’. Something that colours the overall view of real clients who actually make bookings and fund the industry and behave appropriately.

The equivalent would be calling the scum-bags who steal real escort photos, set-up fake sites, and then try to rip-off clients or other escorts – sex workers. They are not sex workers, they are thieves. The group I have detailed above are not clients, they should also be seen as ‘industry abusers’, not as industry participants. They are out to harm the industry, not to support it. Clients by definition support an industry. The inclusion of these acts, under the description of client acts, leads to a mistaken perception around the customers of the industry. It also makes the ‘stereotypical client’ a bad stereotype.

Real clients

Real clients pay sex workers for their service and act within the rules of the provider and the industry. Of course even in the ‘real client’ group, there are bad clients, average clients and better clients. There are people with mental health, physical health, weight, cleanliness, self-respect, and other social issues. There are nice people and not nice people. There are clingy clients and aloof ones. There are wealthy and poor, nervous and arrogant, interesting and boring, lovely and awful.

This is the same for escorts, although the divisions will be different – there will be more quality escorts than quality clients. Why, because the industry, the money that funds the ‘gap in personal difference’ makes it that way. An average client, spends time with a wonderful escort, because the market and the money bridges the gap. Any other view is naive. So every provider and client experience will be different. There will be more ‘lower to average’ clients than ‘lower to average’ escorts, but that doesn’t mean that clients are bad by definition, or that clients should be hated within the industry as much or more than they are hated outside of the industry. We are all hated by society at large.

Are escorts and clients under-siege together or apart?

I feel under siege from society, as I have mentioned in this blog, I can’t talk to most people in the ‘muggle’ world about my experiences as a client of the sex industry. It is a secret world. Most clients I have met, and that isn’t many, feel the same way. There is some ‘client siege behaviours’ in forums and groups, but for the most part, they want connection with their service providers, their escorts – that is the little emotional part of the whole Girlfriend Experience (GFE). Clients are generally not participants in the industry to make connections with other clients, they are here for the escorts.

It is disappointing to me, and I imagine most clients, when it seems like there is an ‘undeclared war’ inside the industry. That outside of the booking, ranks are closed, clients are hated, and secret conversations about the enemy are common place. I have been called naive many, many times. In what may also be another naive opinion, I believe we are under siege together. We are not the same, the issues and problems are not the same, and escorts need their safe spaces, channels and independence from clients. Once that escort support is taken care of however, surely we (quality escorts and respectful clients) are better as partners in this siege. It will probably last forever, it has so far, and we are all hated, at least in public statements, by the rest of the world.

Mutual respect and support would be a nice baseline for everyone who is playing by the rules and has respect and fairness in their hearts. I just made a big sigh as I wrote that sentence, because to be honest, right now I am steeling myself for more hatred. The hatred isn’t coming from outside of the industry, it is coming from parts of the industry. I hope that I am wrong, if I’m not, I will gladly leave. If you believe what I have written in this blog, in this website, then you know I value the industry and respect all of the participants.

Thank you as always for your readership. Thoughtful comment and feedback is most appreciated.

Xx SP 14 June 2017.

How To Behave?

Is there a single way that clients and escorts should behave?

Expectations on how we behave and communicate.

As someone who writes a blog about being a client of escorts, and operates a similarly focused Twitter account, does that put me outside of acceptable behaviour for a client? This is a question that I ask myself a lot. I ask other people as well and I get a very wide variety of responses. Some are kindly open and make their opinions, often different to mine, know to me. I respect that. Some are hidden and anonymous, often malicious and irrational, people who should really be looking at their own behaviour and not at mine.

I hold myself to a pretty high standard of respect for others. I try and be thoughtful, discrete within acceptable boundaries, helpful and honest. Mostly, I’m exploring a period of experiences in my life, and sharing that journey with others who have an interest in these topics and experiences. No one has to read any of this!

GetToKnowMeme

Get to know me!

You may have seen the ‘Get to know me’ meme on Twitter. A lot of escorts and other accounts have given it a run, posting facts or confessions about themselves for every like that they received for the post of the image shown above. It was a bit of fun for a lot of people on Twitter, and as someone exploring experiences and writing on them, it was of interest to me too. So after seeing it on Alice Grey’s public Twitter, I thought it might be some fun. So I ran the meme on my @PercieBlakeney account!

Of course, I could have just written inane things. I could have even had fun with my ‘Percival Blakeney’ persona and his characterization of the English dandy, The Scarlet Pimpernel (SP). Instead I decided to write confessions that were inspired by each of the people that liked my post, what they as Twitter connections brought to my mind. It created a bit of a stir among some people and made me re-ask the question: How should I behave online?

How do I behave?

I have for a while decided to see escorts. As you will know if you read some of my blog articles, I struggle with all sorts of aspects of this wonderful but somewhat unusual life. If you want a taste of my personal philosophical ‘struggles’, take a look at ‘Sex and Guilt’, ‘Loving an Escort’, ‘Single Booking Sadness’, and ‘Why Multiple Escorts’. Across those five representative articles, you will get a feel for me, the journey I am on and the things that play on my mind. They include guilt, the search for intimacy and relationships, as well as fun, the journey and what amounts effectively to one-night-stands and sexual exploration and the chance to really experience lots of sex – something that was never a part of my life before this journey.

I am also writing about these experiences. This is problematic in so many ways. As much as it has some benefits – a chance for me to think and explore, as well as the opportunity to hear the impressions and lessons of others, it comes at a cost. It has exponentially increased my personal risk as a ‘secret client’, it has opened me up to some quite bitter attacks, and it upsets a surprising number of people. Before I had this blog (a period of almost two-years), only one escort had ever said they wouldn’t like to see me again, and that was because of a stupid but minor disagreement (played out in private). In the much shorter period since I started this blog (a few months), four additional escorts have told me they don’t want any future bookings with me. Not because of the ‘real me’, the ‘client’, but because of this blog and my persona – a fake person called ‘Percival Blakeney’ that lives only on Twitter and this blog. Rejection because of my online (and fake) persona hurts the real me. It hurts enough for me to repeatedly think about ditching the whole thing.

I am even more confounded by people who don’t know me at all and can simply ignore, block, mute or otherwise avoid me completely. I don’t understand why ‘random’ people get so upset – seriously, just stop reading and block my Twitter account and don’t visit this blog.

I become upset, if I find that I have upset the people (primarily escorts) that I care about. I am upset when an escort that I have a close and personal relationship with, is upset by knowing that I see and have relationships with other people, and then I talk about those experiences online. That is actually the only outcome of this blog and my social media that really upsets me – it plays on my mind, and as I have said before, it should be the only legitimate reason (so far) for me to stop writing. I am not hurting anyone else and yet somehow, this respectful client voice offends others.

Against that one poor behaviour of mine, expressing feelings for more than one escort connection, and I can see how that may be viewed as a (slightly) poor behaviour, I believe that I behave well. I have not and will not say anything negative about anyone. I do not disclose intimate, personal or other details without permission, and even with permission I am extremely cautious and constrained. I take the ideas I mentioned in ‘Secret Keepers’ very seriously. I am generally exploring issues as they impact me, so they do come across as issues and may seem at times as negative and over-thought, but I am open to all perspectives and I am not telling anyone ‘how it should be’, or ‘what to do’, or ‘how to live their life’. I am not removing, reducing or trying to censor anyone else’s voice. This is only my journey and only my perspective! Hell, I don’t even promote this blog at all, other than on my own Twitter account. Ignore my Twitter feed and you will never even know this content is here!

So why did my ‘Get to know me’ meme become an issue?

Well depending on who reacted, it seems to be a combination of the following issues. Firstly, that I am showing that I see multiple escorts and some of those are identifiable. Secondly, that I am seeking fame, notoriety and testing my virility. Finally, that I am building some collection of ‘fan boys’ and trying to change dynamics within the industry. So let me address those concerns, reasonable (I guess) when expressed directly to me by people who are actually interested in an answer.

Working in reverse order, I don’t want to change anything about the industry. I am writing about my experiences that benefit from the industry, I am not advocating any change and I am not qualified or experienced in any way that could suggest anything worth listening to in that regard. Being on social media, I have connections with escorts, clients and others, I talk to them. I am not ‘collecting’ anything, and there is no ‘back channel’ that is trying to do anything other than ‘be good clients and have some fun’ – end of story.

Maybe I have ‘ego’ based drivers that I haven’t admitted to myself. I am certainly exploring my sexuality, embracing experiences and sharing intimacy – for the first time in my life, and I don’t apologize for that. I don’t think I care about being seen as virile. I can tell you honestly, I am not impressive physically, and there are times that I don’t perform sexually in the way that I would like. I am at an age and have stresses that sometimes impact my performance. I would like to improve my own performance and virility, but I am not in competition with anyone. I don’t set anyone’s world on fire in the bedroom and I don’t think that seeing a number of escorts is either impressive or makes a man virile. I am after moments of intimacy and a breadth of experience, not some proof of my manliness!

Finally, on the topic of showing that I have seen multiple escorts and some level of bookings being identifiable. On that front I am guilty as charged. I can hardly write a blog on my experiences as a client of Escorts and pretend that I don’t see Escorts. In looking back over the Twitter posts that I made around the ‘Get to know me’ meme, I didn’t see anything that isn’t true, respectful or reasonable – or different to what others posted – especially Escorts that are using this same meme for some fun. I also didn’t get any negative feedback from anyone I mentioned, only from people who are completely disconnected from the discussion. Many of whom just seem to want to project their dislike of particular clients, pests, or clients in general onto me as a public target.

I can only be who I am – many people are not going to like me – but even if I have to remain anonymous, like so many clients and escorts in this industry, I am still going to be authentic. I am actually genuinely sorry if anything about my approach gives you discomfort, but I would suggest, don’t read my blog, don’t follow me on Twitter and block or mute me if that suits the view of the world you want in your timeline. For the record, I don’t do that, I want the opinions of people who disagree with me, just as much as those that have a similar view – I am here to learn and I don’t believe I have the only way, the right way, or any franchise on knowing how the world should work. I just question those that are anonymously projecting aggression onto me, rather than having a respectful dialogue, on where any real and personal issues with me may exist.

My perpetual fear!

I feel that I keep impacting relationships that are important to me. If I have professed any feeling for our relationship, then that is the true expression of my real feelings. Increasingly, I am thinking that this stage of my life is about experiencing what it is like to have multiple connections. I almost think I want to love, not physically but emotionally, as much as I can until I feel like I am going to burst. Coming from a culturally and emotionally sterile environment, I have discovered I have an immense capacity to love and I want to stretch that joyous part of living as far as I can. That should, I hope, be evident in my writing.

I am really hurting at the moment because of some difficult changes, but I feel enriched that the experiences and love that allow that level of pain existed in the first place – I haven’t had this complexity of emotion in my life before. My fear is that in exploring concepts similar to ‘polyamory’ (I’m no expert on this term), if that is even what I am doing, that I am hurting people who are looking for singular connections or the illusion of them. It is surprising to me in the escort-client world, that there is such a pervasive undercurrent around monogamy. That we all still have to pretend that one connection sits above all of the others. Escorts and clients with multiple connections are still facing strong prejudices and maliciousness in the one place, the one industry, that I would expect would support the choices of multiple connections and intimate variety, and breadth of experience, far more readily and openly.

I have strong feelings for multiple escorts, and in some cases it feels to me like a form of love. I am blessed beyond belief to feel this way, and I am doubly blessed that some of these escorts actually like me enough in return to tolerate me with all of my weaknesses and mistakes. If they can do that, why do so many other people care so much and want to change a situation that doesn’t impact them at all? I only apologize to the same escorts I thanked above, if my journey, my experiences, my blog, and my opinions have caused you any harm or discomfort – that is my perpetual fear and I am so, so sorry.

Another concept related to ‘polyamoury’ was explained to me recently by a beloved escort. It is the idea of ‘Compersion’. The concept of taking pleasure, in someone else’s pleasure with other people or things, that does not directly involve you. I guess that is the feeling I get watching great things, bookings and connections happen in this industry, I really feel like I get a strong sense of joy (compersion) when I see this happen for others (both escorts and clients). Of course I want those experience and joys for myself, but I want them for others as well. I hope that maybe some of the people that I care about, and care for me, can experience a little of that too, as I discuss, reveal and contemplate my own journey. After all, whether you are a participant in the individual moment or experience or not, you are part of the pathway and journey that brought me here – I love you. Hopefully you share part of my journey ahead as well.

Thank you for your readership. Your comments and feedback are as always greatly appreciated. Thank you also for everyone else who undertook the ‘Get to know me’ meme, I know it annoyed a lot of people, but I appreciated the insights that everyone freely gave about themselves – I enjoyed it as something different and communicative.

Xx SP 1 June 2017 (article updated 22 June 2017).

Egg On My Face

Some of the mistakes that I have made as a client of escorts.

Taking a look at some lessons.

Not so long ago, I was known by another name on Twitter – that account was called Prince Eggnog (@PrinceEggnog). The story of how that name came about, I will save for another day. This blog article is the story of some of the mistakes that I have made as a client of escorts. That story needs a revelation, and that revelation is that Percival Blakeney and Prince Eggnog are one and the same anonymous client.

Why does this even matter? The reason is simple, Prince Eggnog was my first ‘anonymous’ Twitter account as a client and I made a bucket-load of mistakes during that period. I am still making many mistakes today, but no attempt to write about my short-comings and the lessons that I have had as a client would be complete without Prince Eggnog. Time to deal with some ‘egg on my face’.

Eggnog

Having an active social media profile as a client.

My first mistake was having any social media profile at all. For a while, I was an anonymous client, reading profiles, reading escort social media and booking some escorts and starting to see some regulars. This is probably the most typical client approach on social media – radio silence! Communication was for the most part by text messages, with limited contact between bookings. It was a wonderful time, full of brand new experiences. Although I was making plenty of mistakes as a new client, they were largely invisible – I wasn’t, at least as far as I know, making any ‘public’ mistakes.

Then I was nearly ‘outed’ twice, and an escort suggested that I set up an ‘anonymous Twitter account’, and use that for some of my communications. The Twitter account of Prince Eggnog was named and born. Being ‘anonymous’ never sat that comfortably with me, but like the early days of seeing escorts, the early day’s of having a social media account were exciting. My activity primarily centered around discourse with escorts, other clients and related sex-work accounts. This social media activity had its own level of taboo, intrigue, additional industry learning, and it was nice to have another place to engage with the escorts that I had met, and to learn more about other escorts that I hoped to meet. I have already written about becoming ‘Addicted to Escorts’, I also became addicted to the industry’s social media. Having a ‘client profile’ on social media opens up a whole new territory for making mistakes, and what is worse, these mistakes are there for everyone to see.

Making public social media mistakes!

I hope that for the most part, I make a pretty decent client. I certainly care about all of the escorts that I have met, and I care about the industry. It hurts when bad things happen. I feel disgusted by bad client behaviour, disappointed by the nastier side of the industry, sad when people are trolled, bullied and upset, and I feel happy when people are having a great time. I feel especially happy when I am having a great time. One of my biggest mistakes is that I thought other people would like seeing escorts and clients having a great time. Unfortunately that is not always, or even often, the case.

Celebrating escort-client bookings.

I thought I could ‘celebrate’ my journey as a client on social media. I thought that when an escort gave their permission, showing that a ‘great booking’ had occurred would be a nice thing to do. After all, this sort of ‘booking recap’ content is published all the time. Well I was wrong. I knew when I saw similar posts with other clients, when they were out with escorts that I adored, I felt my own ‘pang of jealousy’ – why wasn’t it me, was I still a liked client, why did I have to see that when I was having a bad day, or any other version of normal human envy. Then that thought would pass, and I would think how happy I was that an escort that I liked had been treated well and their business and the broader industry was good. People were having fun – and isn’t that how it should be? I would also look forward to my own next booking with that person, and I even grew to respect (and learn from) some of the better behaviours, client generosity and booking ideas of the more experienced clients out there than me.

I know many people feel like that, but there is also a very nasty side to escort-client social media. I was accused of being a ‘show-off’, of trying to have escorts compete for my bookings, of lying, of being a ‘man-slut’, of being a ‘disease-spreader’, or trying to move the power dynamic away from escorts and into the hands of clients. I was accused of far worse than that. I was threatened to be ‘outed’, black-listed, slandered on escort forums, and I even had a laughable death threat. I don’t know whether I am an idiot, but none of those things bothered me that much, there was only one thing that actually really upset me – and that it is why I shut down the Prince Eggnog account. I was worried that I was ‘Hurting Feelings’, a topic I have written about in the past. I became aware that for some of the escorts that I was extremely close too, my activity was actually hurting their feelings. This isn’t an ego thing, I didn’t break anyone’s heart (I hope), it was simply annoying to them, and for that reason I shut it down. In my mind, that account did not provide enough benefit to me, to warrant hurting the feelings of anyone else, even in a small way.

Even bigger mistakes were in store!

It gets worse. At one point, I asked publicly on Twitter if any escort would like to attend a concert with me. This is a complicated story, perhaps destined for its own article one day. In short, I had a spare ticket to a concert. I asked a regular of mine at the time who wasn’t interested. Then in a profoundly stupid moment, I put out a public Twitter post asking if anyone was interested. Realizing that a loud rock concert wasn’t the ideal place for a first booking, I got cold feet and asked (in private) three escorts that I knew much better if they were interested. Two said yes. In mishandling this ‘concert ticket’ fiasco, I eventually lost my client relationship with the two escorts who said yes, the one who originally said no, and the respect of a number of other people on Twitter.

What you do publicly can have very profound and long-lasting consequences. There are so many lessons from that one badly thought through incident, perhaps the biggest, is that even though the whole industry is full of ‘competition’, just like any industry or market, don’t create competition or the perception of competition, even if that is not the intention. Clients seeming to create competition, even though they probably don’t know that they are, is a far from an ideal scenario. I have suffered from that one action more than anyone else involved, probably more than anyone knows or will ever know, and I am still suffering from the consequences of that saga even now many, many months later.

So how many lessons does it take?

You would think the ‘concert fiasco’ would be enough – oh no, when it comes to slow learners, I can be among the slowest. Not that much later, I had a lunch-booking cancelled on me on the morning of the booking. I had (and still have) no issue with that at all, the escort in question had no choice, and I was not upset by the cancellation. I have never yet been upset by a cancellation. We ended up catching up eventually and she still lets me see her, something that I am thrilled about. I did however have a nice lunch planned for that day, and I was already in the hotel room when the lunch was cancelled.

Yes, you know where this is going already, I put a public Twitter post out to see if any local escort was free to take up the same-day booking. Let’s not spend too long on this, but the lesson is largely the same. Escorts can try to get a late replacement for cancelled bookings through public forums, clients cannot. In the escort-client world, it isn’t like other industries, a good client makes it seem like it is a date and not a purchase. It is about the fantasy and the experience more than the reality. Unintentionally, I made it look like a purchase and a competitive one at that. So there is the answer, sometimes it takes me at least two big mistakes to learn one simple lesson. Client’s shouldn’t use public social media to fill an escort booking – lesson learned.

Other mistakes and learning experiences.

I can see that this topic is going to be one with many chapters. I am not even close to outlining how many missteps and faux pas I have made. So there will probably be more articles on mistakes in the future. One I think I will need to write about is the idea that there are ‘No Nice Endings’. I don’t want this to sound negative, but usually when there are no more bookings between a client and an escort that have had a long history together, the reason is likely to be negative. Unless there is a ‘retirement’, the ceasing of a regular or semi-regular client-escort relationship is normally the result of something negative happening. I have hinted at this in ‘What Went Wrong?’, and ‘Escort Relationship Breakdowns’, however I think the conversation about ‘what can be learned’ in these situations still needs some attention (in my mind at least).

My biggest mistakes!

Easily my biggest mistakes are simple to describe but harder to avoid. When the client-escort relationship is a strong one, it is pretty easy to get hurt. I have spoken about ‘Hurt Feelings’ in a past blog article. In this case, the mistake is a simple one, when I have been hurt by an escort – and that certainly happens to any regular and caring client – there are times that I have not handled the hurt well. Escort-client relationships are a fantasy, they are a pretend perfect world, they are this way so that the ‘moment together’ in the framework of a booking can be this perfect place, a perfect fantasy moment given a temporary place in reality. I should have processed and eliminated the hurt I felt and moved on. My mistake is when I have felt the pain too much, and as a result I have either unintentionally shown that I am in pain, or worse yet reflected that pain back to the escort that I care about – it is the ‘care level’ that allows the pain to be created in the first place.

Almost every one of my ‘endings’ with an escort is the expression of this lesson as yet still a work-in-progress with me. Being too needy, or the opposite position of being too hurt or upset, is very likely to damage or end the connection. While it is an ‘escort-client’ relationship, it needs to stay within relationship parameters that have limited tolerances for the expression of pain, anger or hurt. The escort or the client will leave if it looks like being too much like a ‘real relationship’, unless both have agreed that is where it is headed. For the escort-client relationship to continue it needs to remain a close-to-perfect ‘fantasy’ – no residual hurt allowed. It doesn’t mean that ‘hurt’ can’t happen, it just means that it needs to be resolved, forgotten, forgiven or otherwise dealt with very, very quickly. Someone needs to move past the negativity, let it go, or else it is all over.

I have ‘blown-up’ some great client-escort relationships and some escorts have blown up ones with me. I have a couple of connections that have been put-at-risk, I only hope that I have learned this lesson in time. I don’t want to lose anyone else.

Moving on from my mistakes!

I am happy to consign Prince Eggnog to the past, it was part of my experience, part of my growth, and it came with both huge enjoyment and almost equally acute pain. I do sometimes wonder why certain people never forgave me for my mistakes. I know there are ‘unforgivable sins’ in the escort-client world, although I have never (and will never) commit any of those. For some reason however, client mistakes in public are not forgivable in the eyes of certain escorts and other clients. I do sometimes feel that Prince Eggnog was unfairly treated in some circles, even though it was true that he was more of a ‘Town-Fool’ than a Prince.

Now you know what (or who) came before Percival Blakeney. That is not to say that my new client persona is any better. I am still making plenty of mistakes, I am still upsetting people, I am still being trolled from time to time and I am still learning. I will be writing more about my mistakes, past, present and future – because part of this experience, part of this journey, is continuing to learn.

If I have ever upset you, I do sincerely apologize. I promise that it was without malice and I regret any mistake that I ever made that led to any hurt. I have never deliberately hurt any escort. Forgive me if you can. I forgive anyone who has hurt me on this journey because you are on your own journey too. After all, there is still too much fun to be had to get caught up in sadness.

Thank you for your readership. You don’t need to share any mistakes, maybe sharing mistakes is another new mistake all of its own, but thank you in advance for any comments and feedback. Thank you to everyone who played the game with Prince Eggnog, and those who went the extra mile with that story – you know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! R.I.P. Prince Eggnog (2016-2017).

Xx SP 29 May 2017 (article updated 19 June 2017).

Why This Blog?

Percival Blakeney on the reasons for writing articles.

Why write client-side articles on escort experiences?

This article marked my thirtieth (yes 30th) article since launching this blog. It is always a good time for asking myself … why am I doing this? Why does an anonymous and shy client of sex-workers, feel compelled to write experiential and topical articles on client-escort relations, a secret journey and issues connected with being a client of escorts?

That is of course a very good question, and there must be something different about me, because this sort of blog is very uncommon. I am going to try and tell you (and tell myself) why I am doing this, and also perhaps just as importantly, mention the things that are NOT motivations for this blog and its articles.

WindowParty

Why did I launch this blog?

The simplest and truest reason, is that I can’t talk to anyone! At the time I started this blog, I had been seeing escorts for more than a year, this exciting and secret world, that delivered me so much joy, had no conversational outlet. I couldn’t tell any family, any friends, anyone at all, other than very sanitized and private versions to the escorts that I was seeing. As great as it is to talk to escorts, our mutual role as ‘Secret Keepers’ (see separate article), meant that the boundaries of respect and privacy severely limit the nature of that conversation. It is fine to discuss the industry at large, some of our personal feelings and experiences and how our lives are playing out, it is not a territory for deeper and sometimes darker exploration of this now significant and important part of my life.

Yes, there are forums, there are other ‘get-together’ events and opportunities, and there are fellow travelers on this road. For the reasons you will hear in this article, most of those avenues don’t suit me particularly well. I’m not interested in ‘reviewing’ escorts for others, I am not interested in ‘dirty laundry’, I am not interested in a ‘position of influence’ in the industry or with other punters, and I am not interested in the majority of social events when I could be in a booking with one of the escorts that I adore. I do however need an intellectual release for what is becoming a major part of my life, and I do need to talk about my feelings, my experiences and my thoughts.

Motivations for writing.

I have written professionally before, but I don’t get to do the ‘writing leg-work’ anymore for other parts of my life. I have had aspirations of a fictional novel one day (nothing to do with sex-work). I find that I think and personally explore topics and issues better, when I write about them, edit my thoughts, re-read and adjust them, and let them bounce around in my head. It isn’t quite the same as a great conversation in many ways, but in others ways it can also be better. If it wasn’t published, as in a private diary, I would loose the driver to think carefully, analyse the thoughts, and think about how others may view my experiences and thinking. I also hoped to get just enough attention and support, that others would tell me what they thought, what they had experienced, and help me navigate my own way through these topics and experiences.

Motivations against writing.

I am no expert on these topics! I have had many bookings with a now significant number of escorts, and all I keep discovering is that I know nothing. So I am highly concerned whenever someone places me in position that I do not deserve, and I am not qualified to hold. I am not a subject matter expert, I am not someone that should be considered aspirational or inspirational, and I am not doing this to have any influence on the industry, on its participants, or even on my most devoted readers and contacts – this is a self-centered endeavour of personal discovery and exploration. As well as a relief valve for talking out into the void, out into the Internet, when there is no one else in my life that can fill that role of listener to my client world experiences.

I am also different when I’m thinking. I’m a bit darker, a bit more confused, a bit more serious and possibly a bit less connected. I am less fun online than I am in person. My biggest concern, is that the people I like and have met in this industry, won’t like or appreciate this side of me, this blog, and the waves it makes. I am worried because I have already created collateral damage, where these people who are important to me, reject the real me, because of the writer me. This has already happened and it is causing me a great deal of emotional turmoil. I have had escorts I have met and that seemed to like or tolerate the ‘real me’, tell me they can’t see me anymore and block me on Twitter. I can also see some other escorts, who still see me, are also concerned about this blog, and it has impacted our personal connection in a negative way. There are lots of well-meaning and reasonable escorts who don’t want client voices online – even the respectful, thoughtful and industry-supporting ones. More than any other reason, this is the one reason that often makes me think of deleting this blog and killing the associated Twitter account.

Other consequences of writing.

When initially published, this was my thirtieth article, I am not sure how many I have left in me, so the longevity and ultimate continuation of this exercise is a ‘big, open, question’. The tally is now 38-articles, and the pace has already slowed a little. I have also made more contact with other travelers (punters if we must use that word), and as long as this is about positive support, I am all for it, I am not however interested in private stories or diminishing any escort or other industry participants. I would however like to tell some of their stories, if the chance presents itself. Similarly I am interested in telling the stories of other clients and escorts, and other people’s stories where they are as general, confidential, non-threatening and supporting as I try to be with the rest of the content on this blog. The first ‘Interview With an Escort’ was published in June. That is all just a ‘writers interest’ at this stage, and I imagine the practicalities will probably stop most of that from happening.

I also get attacked. Not physically, but in the ‘back-blocks’ of social media. I don’t really know why? Maybe the difference of this blog is threatening or confusing to some who don’t know me and even some who do. Maybe I am a soft target for angst at clients in general or some other ‘hurtful demon’ that is plaguing the people who troll others online. Maybe I am a pariah after all, that is worthy of attack and living in some delusion that I am harmless. This seems to be an increasing issue. Recently it seems other industry sites are withdrawing from publishing client perspective content. Although I appreciate the place and rationale for Punter Planet, it just doesn’t fit with me. Since there really is very little other client perspective material, other than 140-character Twitter posts, I am worried that I am ‘out-on-a-limb’ and at severe risk of attracting the wrong attention and being ‘chopped-down’. I get that sort of ‘threat’ on a daily basis.

This is becoming serious, in the weeks since I started, the threats have become significant and sustained. Certainly it is nothing compared to what many escorts face day in and day out. Those threats alone are not going to make me stop. However if I knew that I was actually doing any harm, putting any escort at risk, or doing any damage to an industry that has been kind to me, then I would shut this blog down in a heartbeat. In fact I came very close yesterday (the day before this article redraft) when escorts I admire questioned this blog and my motivation. Worse still, people I have met in person blocked me. Worst of all, people I truly adore are clearly backing away from my account and staying quiet with their contact. I am feeling very isolated and that is the opposite of my desire to learn and to share. If this progresses, I won’t be able to just stop writing, I will have to stop being a client as well – as clearly once ‘blacklisted’, the journey is effectively over.

What is next?

I had intended to publish some more articles soon. I had some offers of guest articles as well, but now that there has been a lot of online debate, no one wants to take the risk of being the center of unwanted attention. I am also working back through the initial ones to give them a slight update, and ironically this piece was next on the list.

Now that the voices for stopping seem to be growing louder than the ones for continuing, I think it is inevitable that I will be forced to stop writing. I feel like a ‘small, needy, sad person’, effectively calling for support, but without some clear feedback from people who want to read these articles, I am afraid the industry has effectively spoken and client comment will stay within Punter Planet as the only surviving Australian channel. I however will be silent and I will be gone, to applause in many places I’m sure.

I hope that this, the redrafting of my thirtieth article, has given you a background on why these pieces were put here. If you were concerned, or remain concerned, hopefully you have some comfort that you are not at risk because of this blog. If you thought I had some crazy industry aspiration, then hopefully you can also see that is the furthest thing from my mind. I am a secretive, issue-ridden, confused and often over-thinking client who happens to have found joy in the company of the great escorts of Australia. This is where I come to explore the client-side of seeing escorts and without some support, the journey is rapidly coming close to its end.

Thank you for you readership. Please as always, feel free to share, comment here or on Twitter – your views and feedback are always welcome whether they are in agreement or disagreement, these topics are normally entirely the result of a spectrum of viewpoints I experience online and a level of personal confusion for me as a client of this industry. I hope that I have added some value along the way.

Xx SP 13 May 2017 (article updated 13 June 2017).