Escort Rejection

Getting rejected by an escort – some thoughts.

No One Likes to be Rejected!

It can be hard to put yourself ‘out-there’ in any aspect of life. Asking for a date, even if it is an escort booking, is still a moment of possible rejection. Of course, that is nothing compared to being rejected after you have met someone, or later still, after you think that person has grown to know you. This article is an exploration of escort and client rejection.

Clients may make more gradual and subtle decisions about which escort(s) they would like to see, who they would like to see again, and who they simply don’t re-book. Most of the time, these decisions ‘hang out there in space’, a possible future booking, the potential for other outcomes, invisible and ‘open-ended’ decisions. In contrast, escorts control most of the ‘in-the-moment’ rejections. The ‘hard-stop’ end-points, where the end of the road isn’t a subtle thing at all. So let’s take a tour of some of these moments of potential straight-up rejection.

EmptyBedroom

When Does Rejection Happen?

Of course the answer is anytime at all. However for the purpose of exploring this topic, lets take a look at some interesting, common and less common, moments of cessation. Why rejection happens and what, if anything, can be done, or learned, from these moments. I am going to take a quick look at, social-media rejection, booking request rejection, booking cancellation, commencement of booking, during booking, after the first booking, after later bookings, black-listing, and other end-of-the road moments.

I think nine different points of rejection is enough for now. I have experienced more of these than I would have liked, you will have to guess which ones. On second thoughts, please don’t, although a little of my own experience is going to be pretty obvious within this article.

Social-Media Rejections.

This might be the ‘odd-one-out’ as far as escort rejection goes, as it can happen at anytime and clearly doesn’t generally happen to clients without a social media presence. There aren’t too many client bloggers around, so part of this section is extremely limited. It may not surprise you, that I get escorts sending me messages that they won’t except a booking from me because of this blog, it does however still surprise me. On the rare occasion that a message like this comes from someone I have met, it is a very painful rejection. On the other hand, the slightly more frequent ones from escorts I have not met are somewhat bizarre.

I guess it is a form of protest against this blog. Otherwise why would an escort, that I have never met or approached with a booking enquiry, send a specific private message asking me to never request a booking in future? I don’t know if prospective clients send escorts messages to say that they never intend to book them, but I guess that can happen too. Well I suppose I could congratulate them on their pro-activeness, letting me know in advance that I am not a welcome client – I guess I could call that ‘reverse hustling’. This is a strange example of a ‘hard-stop’ end-point, because exactly as intended, once I have been rejected, then that is the ‘end-of-the-line’. Strangely in this case, even before I knew that there was a ‘start-of-the-line’.

It does make me wonder whether any client should be on social media at all? What are the benefits? Some engagement, some help with selections and enquiries, entertainment, supporting favored escorts, information, celebration, other contact and emotional outcomes perhaps. What are the costs? Disdain and even hatred and attack, being classed as pathetically needy, time-wasters, white-nights, fanboys, slobbyists, and losers. I don’t see many (if any) social media active clients being embraced as useful, beneficial, gentlemen, or for that matter in the class of quality clients that generally happens in other service industries in relation to supportive customers. I do see another reason for rejection. It is not surprising that smarter clients than me stay away from expressing opinion, feelings and observations – in fact staying away from any online or social media publishing at all. The public voice of clients seems to be a pathway to rejection far more frequently than it is a pathway to selection, or even acceptance and appreciation.

So let’s move on to other points of rejection. This first one is easy, if you don’t want to ever be rejected in the ‘court of social media’, then don’t be active in social media as a client – and if you are, be a reader not a publisher. I personally have an issue with this whole silent client dynamic, but you can be smart, clearly I am just doomed to more of those “please don’t ever ask me for a booking” messages from out of the blue. Of course the word ‘please’ never appears in these communications and no response is sought, as the message is usually accompanied with a simultaneous Twitter blocking.

Booking Request Rejections.

This is a whole ‘rabbit warren’ of a topic all by itself, worthy of further exploration another day. There are even sub-categories here: failing screening, being a jerk, poor timing, filtering by ignoring, collateral damage, too little information, too much information, and even ‘Force Majeure’ (bad luck or an act of God).

Let’s fly through them. If you aren’t really seeking a booking, you are annoying, time-wasting, getting your thrills, a 14-year-old pest, a criminal, or any other ‘non-client’, then you aren’t actually being rejected, you shouldn’t be here in the first place. If you are being a jerk, overly entitled, rude or a creep, then you deserve to be rejected – sort your shit out and come back as a nice person. If you are not a quality client, then you don’t deserve a booking with any escort – end of story.

The rest of this territory is about luck, matched expectations, timing and still more luck. There are plenty of articles on how to request a booking on Scarlet Blue and other industry websites. Most escorts put details on their preferred contact methods and other insights on their profiles or web pages and some even have online forms to make it ‘fool-proof’ for clients. I am not going down that road, other than to say: Find the instructions and follow them as closely as you can. That is the most likely way of avoiding rejection in your request to see the escort that you wish to meet.

Even if you have done everything right, rejection can still occur – from soft rejection such as ‘non-availability for that time, tour, place or booking type’, to laissez faire rejection where requests are just ignored, to hitting a bad time, a bad mood, or just being the next in line after a bad run of time-wasters. My suggestion is try again on the ‘soft rejections’ unless it becomes clear that the answer will permanently be a ‘sorry I’m not available’ soft rejection. Some rejections are just ‘no response’ – the reply never comes. Some escorts don’t respond at all when they are busy, fully-booked or away – does the industry loose any of these clients for good if they are new to the experience and it is their first request? Who knows. If your request was reasonable, well mannered and in every other way proper, and it was rejected harshly with a ‘hard-ending’, ‘don’t make contact again’ type of response, then look somewhere else. Either you dodged a bullet, may not be compatible, or it was just bad luck or bad timing.

I had one very aggressive rejection early in my journey, despite following the process and being very careful with my request. That escort and I have conversed on social media since, but I have never requested a booking from her in the many, many months since that response. Hard rejections are exactly that, hard, and although she seems like a wonderful escort, I have no intention of being rejected by her again. Maybe she dodged a bullet, maybe I did, or maybe she has missed out on a good client and I have missed out on great experiences – who knows!

Quality clients will generally respect the instructions of an escort, as they should. If those instructions include “don’t contact me again”, then that is what should happen. It might be worth reconsidering by all of us, how these hard rejections are given and who they are used with. Also whether sharing them on social media channels is good marketing to other quality clients or not. I have seen other ‘rejections’ play out online and thought – ‘well I’m not going there’, especially when it just seemed like a ‘bad day’ or worse, an escort joining in on a ‘client-hating’ thread. The social media rejection landscape works for (and against) everyone. I’m not the only person being rejected due to online perceptions.

Booking Cancellations.

Cancellations happen all the time. If you are a client and you get unreasonably upset with a cancellation, then you are a jerk, and not surprisingly the escort will feel they have dodged a bullet. If you act badly enough, not surprisingly they will probably share that information and you may find yourself ‘black-listed’ and rejected by other escorts as well. Take cancellations with good grace. Obviously if the escort is reluctant to re-schedule, credit any deposit against a future booking, or it is clear that the ‘cancellation’ is actually a permanent rejection, then perhaps another conversation may need to occur. There are necessary  ‘postponements’ and then there are ‘hard-ending cancellations’, they are not the same thing.

I have cancelled two bookings in two years, one due to illness and the other one due to another unavoidable issue, both with plenty of notice. I rescheduled the first and paid a cancellation fee for the second. In the same period of time, I have had twelve escort cancellations, three on the same day, and one of them half-an-hour into the out-call booking time – while sitting alone in the restaurant. I have never reacted badly, there will be more bookings after all, and for the most part the reasons were unavoidable and reasonable. As a client exercise good grace, be a Gentleman, that is better for you as a client and it is also usually rewarded by the escorts in question. Plus it is the right thing to do.

The only times I have been actually upset, and even then only slightly, was the ‘into-the-booking’ cancellation, and an interstate booking where I had gone to a lot (and I mean a lot) of expense and effort for a long booking, and when it appeared the reason for the cancellation was a fabrication. No one likes being made to look like a fool. Sitting in a restaurant with drinks waiting, having to cancel all sorts of plans and fly out early, these are shitty experiences, but I felt much better having taken them on the chin and moving on with the next booking. So many wonderful moments, a couple of missteps and the occasional cancellations along the way is nothing at all. Unless the cancellation is the rejection, a ‘permanent rejection’, then don’t behave in a way that makes it a permanent rejection or a story of caution for other escorts to be wary of you.

Commencement of Booking Rejections.

This is a nasty one for escorts and clients alike. No one wants to be ‘seen in the flesh’ and walked out on! This is ultimately a rejection of ‘physicality’, probably the only worse rejection is a rejection of ‘personality’. I am not talking about failing a sexual health or cleanliness examination, refusing a shower, payment issues, security concerns, or not honoring the client-escort transaction, safety, or something equality malicious or stupid. If that is the cause of a ‘walk-out’ on you, then it is entirely your fault, and you most likely deserve to be black-listed, reported or otherwise dealt with. Bad surprises, dangerous behaviour, lack of self-respect and cleanliness, fraud, deception, violence, rudeness, drunkenness and poor manners are all damn good reasons for a ‘red-card’ walk-off.

I have never had an escort walk-off. I have also never walked-off on an escort. To do this to someone, without a major issue like those discussed above, is a pretty low act. It is certainly a ‘slap-in-the-face’ to the other party, whether escort or client. Unfortunately I have heard it happen for very stupid and superficial reasons. If your reason is ‘your photos aren’t 100% accurate’, ‘you’re smaller than I expected’ or some equally ridiculous reason, then you are exhibiting poor behaviour, and although it may not feel like it at the time, it is the other person (often the escort) who has dodged a bullet. I haven’t heard of many escort walk-outs that weren’t without great reasons, I wish the same could be said for all clients.

During the Booking Rejections.

You can probably take most of the points from above as they relate to any bad, unethical, disrespectful or criminal behaviours. If you try to remove a condom or otherwise engage in unsafe or non-consensual acts, then you are at best a jerk, and most likely committing rape or some other crime act. The escort should leave immediately, take your money, report you and if the local laws allow have you arrested – these are ‘red-card’ walk out and go ballistic incidents. When I started as a client, I innocently assumed these things almost never occurred. The sad reality is that almost every long-standing escort has some of these sorts of horror stories. What bad things can, and sometimes do, happen to clients are nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the risks and incidents that happen to escorts. Any indication of anything like this, or even a bad feeling, should be enough for a walk-out and if appropriate a permanent rejection of the client.

There are other, less dramatic reasons for an early ending. By mutual agreement, due to unforeseen circumstances, or due to extreme incompatibility. Most of the time, the duration of the booking should be honoured, although maybe not in extremely lengthy bookings if the comfort level is extremely low. Conversations that lead to discomfort, drugs, religion, sexism, racism, world views, bad language and so on, should in my opinion be addressed rather than a walk-out. Both the escort and client should be able to say when and if they are uncomfortable with something. If the other party refuses to return the booking to what should be a positive and comfortable experience, respecting the person they are with, then I believe that quickly becomes a deal breaker. I have never experienced this, so I can’t know exactly how I would feel, but I would expect to be ‘warned’ before a booking is brought to an early close (with the exception of the red-card offenses mentioned before).

Second and Future Booking Rejections.

So now we are talking about people who have already met and know each other at least a little. There are a lot of ‘first bookings’ that remain the ‘only booking’. That is just the nature of the industry. Not having a second booking isn’t rejection. It may still happen in the future, it may have been a single moment and there may be many other reasons – something I explored a little in ‘Single Booking Sadness’.

There are times however where it is rejection. If a client writes a bad review of an escort, that is rejection, and in my opinion a nasty one as it is encouraging others to reject the escort as well. If an escort similarly tells others they disliked a client or black-lists them without sufficient cause, then they are also rejecting a client and encouraging others to do the same as well. This isn’t an epidemic by any means, but it is happening more than it should, by both clients and escorts and is not a good dynamic for the industry.

Then there is the decision just not to go back again. For the most part, if a client makes this decision, it is an invisible decision. There is a big shift here, that comes from the industry dynamic. For when it is an escorts decision, it may be another ‘hard-ending’ moment. For an escort, when a client makes that request for a follow-up booking, there are only so many ways to handle it: Ignore, Defer or Reject! Some clients will stop asking if they are ignored or keep being told they need to wait. The reject, although a harder and harsher message, may ultimately be the cleanest – depending upon the risks of the situation of course.

I have personally read some ‘lack of response’, and deferral messages, as an escort politely telling me they would prefer not to take any more bookings. Maybe I am wrong on a couple of counts, but I would rather avoid a hard-rejection if I were to push the issue. I would also prefer to focus on re-booking escorts who seem to have a genuine interest in seeing me again. This may lead to both ‘false-positives’ and ‘false-negatives’ in the sensitivity to ‘between booking’ communication, but it is an environment where ‘how we feel’ is important – it is a ‘feeling based fantasy’ after all.

Some escorts may have lost a ‘post-booking’ message in the flood of communications or due to technology’s imperfections, or simply not been able to respond. Others may have been too busy. Some may have a personal policy of not messaging clients. How these mistakes, behaviors and differences in approach affect client re-booking would make an interesting study. For me, as a communicator, maintaining some connection is an important factor, otherwise it is very easy to imagine that an escort would prefer I don’t make contact with her again, and lean towards others that I am in touch with.

Long-Standing Relationship Rejections.

Eventually, if you are a lucky client, a few bookings become many bookings. A ‘regular’ client-escort relationship has developed. In this environment, accidental or confused rejection is probably less likely. Rejection is real rejection, it is highly emotional and it is deliberate and for real reasons. I wish I could say I haven’t been down this road, but I have. The reality is that all client-escort connections will end. They will end due to the retirement of either party, maybe occasionally they end if the relationship moves beyond client-escort into some other type of ‘real-world’ relationship, or they end because one party doesn’t want to continue with the connection any longer.

Retirement isn’t rejection. Change in status isn’t rejection. A still active escort, or a still active client, calling an end to any further connection is a rejection and by this stage, it isn’t an ‘industry dynamic’, it is a personal one. This is territory where there isn’t a road map, as each situation will have its own unique sensitivities – with one exception. If an escort calls a ‘regular arrangement’ to an end, the client really has to take it as a ‘hard-end’, no communication, no follow-up, as without the prospect of another booking, any further contact is stalking and morally wrong. The irony is that this doesn’t necessarily apply in reverse, it is generally considered acceptable for an escort, where a client has called an end to a regular connection, to keep dialogue with a client who is still known to be active, in attempts to re-boot the connection. That is less likely to be considered stalking or morally wrong. Some strange things happen in this set of circumstances. The best solution seems to be – if either party calls an end – everyone should move on, as painful as that may be.

Black Listing and Other End Points.

All I have to say on ‘black listing’ or even ‘bad mouthing’, is consider it carefully. If you are doing it because you are hurt, then your motivation is the wrong one. Unless you are actually helping other people, rather than hurting the person you are attacking, then this is an inappropriate ‘hard-ending’. Of course if you are protecting other people that is a completely different story – blacklists and sharing of information in these cases is necessary given the many risks only hinted at in this article.

There are other endings. Disappearing is a concerning one, but happens from time to time – hopefully for personal benefit not as a result of falling victim to harm. There are also shifting needs, financial changes and a host of other reasons for a change in circumstances and ending contact. If handled honestly, these don’t need to feel like rejection, they can be explained reasons for discontinuing, rather than potentially leading to confusion and emotional harm.

This is an industry of first meetings, an industry of moments, an industry of secrets, an industry of experiences, and an industry of endings and rejections. Actually there are more rejections than acceptances, as the filtering process is at play all along the pathway. From enquiries and screening, to the ending of every connection that starts. If you play here, and it is a great and wonderful place to play, then you had better get used to rejection as part of the territory.

Thank you for your readership. I hope that I haven’t painted a negative picture, as all along this journey are the great experiences that come from taking a chance and asking to meet someone and spend time with someone. Loss just provides a contrast – bookends to great memories. I look forward to feedback, comments and views on this very big topic. Thank you!

Xx SP 24 June 2017.

Addicted to Escorts

Exploring addiction to booking escorts. Why am I hooked?

Am I addicted to booking escorts?

This is an intriguing question to ask yourself as a client. Is this behaviour an addiction? Does this form of addiction matter? Do I want to change anything if I am addicted?

I am still relatively new to being a client of escorts, approaching two years of having this wonderful secret side to my life. I am also relatively new to being successful in other parts of my life. I have been told, by an escort of course (the source of all of the best information), that I exhibit signs of ‘sudden wealth syndrome’. My ‘addiction’ to escorts being a sign of this syndrome. That is as good a place as any to start this article, but I want to look at other aspects as well, and then ask the question again: Am I addicted to escorts and what does that actually mean in practice?

CashBath

Sudden wealth syndrome!

Sometimes called ‘lottery winners syndrome’, this ‘psychological phenomenon’ describes the stress, guilt, confusion and social isolation that can accompany a significant financial windfall or advantage. While coming into financial success ought to be a good thing, it can take a bad turn. No, I did not win the lottery, I am also not ‘rich’, compared to many people’s view of wealth. I have however been successful for less than a decade, after a life of hard work and a childhood and early-adulthood of very modest financial means.

Being able to spend significant amounts of money is relatively new for me, and some aspects of guilt, confusion and stress are, if I’m totally honest, part of this new life that I live (covered in some part in the earlier article ‘Sex and Guilt’). What seems like extravagant pleasure, does have a connection to emotions of guilt, confusion and social isolation.  Maybe I fall into the class of client that exhibits elements of ‘sudden wealth syndrome’, kid-in-a-candy-store, spoilt middle-aged guy, or whatever description floats your boat. Seeing escorts is however where I choose to spend a not insignificant amount of money. Most addictions ‘cost’, so maybe on the financial view of this question alone, my behaviour could look a lot like an addiction.

Mid-life crisis, or if you prefer, chasing after my youth.

I had a short-lived youth of reckless adventure before I got serious, and then the decades passed as I lived up to the corporate, family, and societal behaviours that I felt were expected of me. As I discussed in the article ‘Becoming a Client’, I hit a point where I needed to embrace some selfishness, some recklessness and some adventure. I needed to grab the last vestiges of youth before they were gone forever. This is not uncommon, it is often called, mistakenly in my view a mid-life crisis. I think it can and does happen at anytime of life, and this wasn’t my first existential analysis or change of direction. Not everyone who goes through the need for adventure and change starts booking escorts, but that was an important part of my journey, part of my existential crisis (who knows, I may be in for more of these as I get older).

So why the need for escorts?

I wasn’t ready for a potentially messy affair, the depressing game of Tinder, or a new relationship. I did however need, very badly need as it turns out, intimacy, companionship, confidants, exciting moments, and a journey of sexual discovery and youthful sexual renewal. That really is what I needed, and it is probably the best description I have written yet of why I see escorts. In our busy, stressful, sanitized and ‘contact-avoidance’ lives, I would suggest any single one of those things (benefits) could be addictive. Put them all together, and it is one hell of an addictive package. I have gone further in other articles and said – I simply cannot go back. Now that the genie is out, it simply cannot be ‘put back in the bottle’.

Shortly after I initially drafted this piece I went further on ‘Why Multiple Escorts?’, exploring why it is not a ‘singular’ affair with one escort or person. For now, in this article, that answer is simple and rooted in the source of this addiction. In some escorts I find elements of connection, friendship, ease of conversation and joy in simply being in their presence – I am addicted to them as individuals. In others I find sexual fire, new discoveries and lessons from the tension between different worlds – I am addicted to that too. Seeing escorts is not one dimensional, everyone is unique, so although I am addicted collectively to being a ‘client of escorts’, I am also addicted to some individual relationships for very personal, unique and segmented reasons.

The pain of addiction.

All addicts are in pain. Pain causes the need and the addiction. Removal or deprivation is also painful. Seeing escorts and classing it as an addiction makes sense in many ways. I feel a profoundly strong high in the lead-up to a booking and a crescendo in the booking itself. Some of these moments, as I have described in some of the stories here, are almost perfectly sublime – the highest of highs! In between bookings there is at best a return to a ‘greyness’, and in many cases there is significant pain. Discussed imperfectly in the articles on ‘Post Booking Melancholy’ and ‘Staying in the Moment’.

For some of these personal needs, there are other pains. The seeking of adventure, raw sex, sexual discovery and memorable moments are simple drivers for wanting to be a client. A client can have these, savor them, remember them, and return again when they are ready for more, ready for the next experience. The aspects of companionship, intimacy and heaven-forbid friendship have a different and more complicated and longer-lasting dynamic. The highs are progressive, the addiction lives beyond the booking, the connection is to individual(s) and not to a generic ‘client-escort’ experience or moment. As a result, the pain comes in a different manner. This is the dangerous territory of ‘self-destructive’ addiction.

Self-sabotage and escort addiction.

Imagine trying to make a friend of an escort! Stop and think about that statement for a moment. I am not talking about the role-play of a Girlfriend Experience (GFE), but actually making a real friendship. Could there be a less likely place to strike up a friendship, in a manufactured place, with age, gender, social and need differences. A place where money bridges these gaps, for the exact reason that they are gaps. What madman would look to build a friendship here?

In me, and I am sure in many clients, is a dangerous cocktail of ‘lack of self-worth’, existential crisis and a desire to prove something against these deep seated insecurities. While the level of need and desire might vary, many clients, us addicts, are seeking sustained connection almost deliberately in the place that it is least likely to develop. I have written pieces on ‘Friends and Lovers’, and ‘Relationship Breakdowns’, and you can see that I have a need for connection, intimacy and to be ‘liked’. I am exploring this in therapy outside of my escort experiences and in these pages on this blog as well. For this reason, seeking what I shouldn’t, where I shouldn’t, knowing that I shouldn’t, and knowing that it is folly, for this reason more than any other ‘I am clearly an addict of escorts’!

Do I want to change that? I guess like most addicts, it is a perpetual tension between yes, no, I don’t know! While I think about that, please let me see one of the escorts that I adore – I need another hit! I can see this also play out in my own engagement on social media. Sometimes I am together, sometimes I am stressed, sometimes confused – always wanting the engagement, sometimes for fun, sometimes for learning, sometimes for ratification and sometimes clearly hating myself and my weaknesses. Isn’t that the cycle of an addict? Or maybe it is all part of a journey of discovery – who knows?

This is surely raw, surely true and I hope it isn’t too much. It drained me to write this piece in its first cut – I was very emotional and raw at the time. In this re-draft, I am more philosophical, but I can’t deny the tensions and confusions that were originally written into this article. It is hard when you need to be liked to then say things about yourself that you know are not likeable. The little boy inside normally prefers to remain hidden behind the wall!

Thanks for your readership. I am not sure what I accomplished with this particular piece, but I hope you find something within it that helps with your own journey, after all, we are all on one.

Xx SP 17 May 2017 (article updated 13 June 2017).

Escorts who do Porn

Client considerations in booking escorts who also do porn.

Is it different seeing escorts who are also porn-stars?

The obvious answer is yes and no. I have been asked a number of times to finish this article, and to be honest, I have have held off writing it because to me it is not a compelling topic. I don’t see any significant difference personally, but I do identify with and understand some of the interest in the conversation.

I also feel that this article is also a good chance to highlight a couple of other semi-related considerations of how clients and sex-workers are presented publicly. It is on representations of clients and escorts that I am going to begin and finish with the topic of escorts who do porn.

BigSpaFun

The difference between physical and behavioural representations.

So let’s take a disconnected event on Twitter as a slightly unusual start to this article. A man, at best at time-waster, at worst a troubled and possibly dangerous pest, private messages an escort with a ‘dick-pic’. This I think we can all agree is a degrading and stupid move, and one that is unfortunately all too common. The escort posts the image and this person’s message publicly on her Twitter in an attempt to shame the man and tell a tale of caution to others.

To a reprobate like that it probably has the opposite effect, giving the loser the attention that he wants. He is just as likely to continue messaging his dick-pics in more attempts to be seen re-posted on escort accounts with over 10,000 followers. Now that this person’s ‘dick-pic’ is ‘out in public’, it receives two key kinds of response as other Twitter accounts (escorts and clients) all ‘weigh-in’ on the topic. The first class are behavioural comments, they criticize the person for the poor behaviour of posting a ‘dick-pic’. The second class of comments are physical, they suggest that the penis is small and the person is poorly endowed and he should be ashamed of showing his inadequacy to women and the public. For the record, his penis was about average size.

I personally do not like calling people out physically for something that is behavioural. Apart from it being a quick ‘race to the drain’ on who is behaving badly, it also sends a signal to a bunch of other people that they are also perverted or poorly behaved for how they look. To have escorts say a normal penis is weird, small, disgusting and evidence of worthlessness – has problems all of its own in the mental self-image of many clients and prospective clients.

This incident wasn’t about his physicality it was about his mentality, but apparently it is fine to treat one piece of poor judgement with any abusive message that we like. His poor behaviour, made the poor behaviour of others acceptable, in the eyes of some of the mob that participate in this type of social media lynching.

What on earth Percie has this got to do with porn-star escorts?

So some people love porn, some people don’t, and many people have a troubled relationship with it – believing it is a dirty little secret that they consume as needed and then tell the world publicly that it is bad. For the purpose of this article, it doesn’t really matter what you think of porn. What matters is that like the guy with the ‘dick-pic’, as this image based content gets circulated online, porn also turns its participants into public property – for the entertainment and comment of anyone with a keyboard.

Instead of looking at ‘mentality’ and behaviour, a large slice of the audience look at ‘physicality’ and feel that it is all of sudden fine to make judgements, make comments on any aspect and effectively de-humanise the subjects – making them an object in the same way as the ‘dick-man’. All of a sudden ridicule, comment on genitals, appearance, sex appeal, stereotypes on cleanliness and poor morals, are all apparently fair-game once the person is in the public eye as a result of their participation in porn (and of course this also happens with escort marketing as well).

So if I have one key point to make, it is that these porn-star escorts get a stereotype applied to them by many people that is grossly unfair. Yes this happens to all escorts, because they are all partly de-humanised by the industry, the internet, and the necessary public marketing representations, but it is worse for porn participants. There are even stigmas applied from each sphere of the sex-work industry upon the other spheres of the industry. This ‘segmentation’, and the interaction and judgements that exist, are all worthy of re-assessment in the minds of us all. We should try, where we can, to treat each person on their merits, not by where they draw their personal line in the sex industy.

Removing stereotypes and dealing with people.

I am no expert at all on escorts that do porn. I have only met four of them in person. When I met the first, I was a little unsure about making a booking and then also about meeting them. I had some stereotypes in my mind.

I thought they would be laughing at me on the inside, as with me they had inferior, boring, vanilla, garden-variety sex with a middle-aged man, who is no better equipped physically than our ‘dick-pic’ man. How could I compare with the fine male specimens that ravish these beautiful women in porn-grade sexual encounters? Would they be bored by an escort booking, compared to the ‘perceived’ glamour of producing porn? Would they expect me to perform like a porn-star? This along-side many other similar insecurities made me consider not proceeding. Maybe this effect and these ignorant and unfounded concerns still impact new and inexperienced clients and turn them away. While I am sure there is another type of client that is highly attracted to the idea of booking a porn-star.

Of course my more experienced friends and readers, it is now your turn to be laughing at me. You know many escorts in porn do it as a side-line. In Australia they don’t earn enormous sums of money. It is hard work, inelegant, artificial and not really that much fun to make in many instances. Some unscrupulous porn producers also take advantage of Escorts trying to build their profile. It is also not representative of the full range of sex that these same escorts enjoy – it is, even when fun to make – for the most part fake! I’m sure that comes as no surprise, so why do so many men feel that porn represents real sexual performance expectations?

My view on the difference.

So now that I have met some escorts that have made porn, I don’t think there is any difference (other than the porn exposure) between them and escorts who choose not to make porn. They are completely different, individual and for the most part amazing people, just like the majority of other escorts that I have met. If there is any difference, it is that they have another level of ‘dick-pic’ type guys to deal with – they are subject to some pretty poor behaviours and probably some unfair expectations from their escort bookings. In some cases, they are also subject to unfair thinking by non-porn escorts, clients and some of the social media and forum channels. It takes a pretty strong person to be an escort, and you have to add a bit more strength to add porn into that mix as well.

I don’t think there is any difference between escorts that do porn and those that don’t, unfortunately I am not the only person out there and an awful lot of people do see a difference and buy into ridiculous stereotypes. Meet people in person, they are guaranteed to change your mind!

Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment, share, re-post on Twitter and send me requests for future articles. Coming up in June, some guest articles from other authors, interview with an escort (or two), and interview with another client.

Xx SP 28 April 2017 (article updated 3 June 2017).

Virtual, Physical and Cerebral

What makes a client select an escort?

Thoughts on selecting an escort. How do you choose?

Well I have no idea how you make this very difficult choice. So this article will have to be about how I select an escort for a booking request. Hopefully that gets a few people talking, in social media or via comments, about your thoughts on this decision.

There is a big difference between making a first-time booking and making a repeat booking, so I am going to try and cover a little of each. In the case of an initial booking, a client normally hasn’t met the escort, for this article I am going to call that a ‘virtual’ selection, since these days it is most likely the result of an entirely online discovery.

SelectionTropics

Virtual to Physical – meeting for the first time.

For most clients, I guess the process starts with some sort of ‘imagined scenario’ of what a first booking with a particular escort would be like. Since everyone’s ‘tastes’ are different, and people’s desires and imagination are so varied, clients are likely to differ significantly in the approach and online method that works for them. So the process I am describing is one that seems to work for me, it is not a suggestion, and I am interested in what works for you.

It is probably a general truth that photos play the largest part in the initial ‘virtual’ selection. Sexual arousal for most men is very visual and it is not surprising that escorts go to great lengths getting regular photo shoots and spending long periods of time deciding how to present themselves physically and what photos to show. At this point however, every potential client’s difference in what ‘works for them’ comes into play. I don’t have a particular preference for hair colour, although looking back I am about half blond and half brunette for bookings with a small number of redheads.

I am also not concerned about full-face or hidden-face. Although full-face makes it easier to make a selection, I fully respect escorts wanting to maintain as much privacy as possible. In this early selection stage, even with full-face, the prospective client still has to ‘imagine’ the booking and the escort. As a side note, it is rare to be disappointed on meeting an escort with a ‘hidden face’ profile, it is usually about privacy and not hiding features.

Making an initial selection.

It is an uncomfortable truth that at the beginning of a search, prospective clients are really browsing a ‘catalogue of escorts’. Whether the ‘punter’ (a name I dislike, but suits the ‘searching and gambling’ nature of this process) is utilizing the services of websites like Scarlet Blue (SB), Available Angels (AA), Punter Planet (PP), Private Girls (PG) or any of the other aggregating websites, or just making their own searches, it all starts with finding escorts that ‘appeal’ to the client. This is primarily a ‘how does the escort look’ decision.

My personal preference is Scarlet Blue, but I have reviewed and selected escort profiles from other sites as well. There are of course escorts with their own websites and active on social media, and there are approaches that don’t require the use of aggregator (industry) websites. I have seen escort’s personal websites, however I have normally discovered escorts from the industry websites named above, or from the social media posts of these same websites, when they progressively promote their advertising escorts.

I realise there is a lot to say on this topic, so I will probably go into more detail on specific selection thinking in a future article. It is important to say that during this initial profile review, I am not interested in an escort’s rates (price) or their services. My first question is a simple one, do I find the escort physically attractive? Then, do I like what they say and how they describe themselves, including any insights that I can see from the escort’s social media and other clues, reviews (with caution), personal preferences and the general style of their representation online.

In most cases I generally filter out escorts who say nothing about themselves and those who are too aggressive online. I look for communicative escorts who seem authentic and are not bitter or angry. I know this is still only an ‘impression’, but some escorts spend almost all of their online energy complaining about how awful clients are, and in some cases fighting with other sex-workers – well you get the point, I don’t book them.

Progressing to a booking request.

I expect that similar to me, most prospective clients look at many more profiles of escorts than they actually make booking requests from. So once I have ‘selected an escort’, what moves me to request a booking? In my case I am seeing less new escorts these days, because I want to re-book others I have seen before. Every so often however the adrenaline and newness of a ‘first-time booking’ is attractive and I go down this road of discovery again. It is mostly about practicalities by this stage. Will the escort be in the same place (city) as me? What services do they provide and can I afford their rate? Have I already thought about booking them in the past, or heard another escort recommend them? These are all significant factors that come together as part of the considerations.

There is lots that I could say on services and rates – topics for another time. For me it is simply this, do the services indicate I can book a date that will match my preferences.

As a longer, dinner-date kind-of-guy, I am looking for indications that this is also an enjoyed booking format for the escort. I am not bothered by covered or uncovered, but I am likely to avoid escorts that are more focused on short-bookings, primarily PSE or other combinations that suggest a dinner-date GFE is likely to be less comfortable for them (and therefore for me as well).

I don’t care if the escort does porn or not, just whether when in their ‘escort mode’ they have a service offering that suits my preferences. Then I make a rate decision, this clearly (and sometimes sadly) knocks out a number of choices, as we all have our own comfort range for anything that we buy, just as every escort has their own pricing decision as a result of a large number of personal and market factors.

When rate ‘mismatch’ is the filter.

I know some prospective clients may look for ‘promotions’, or try to negotiate a ‘special rate’, or in severe cases, criticize the escort publicly or privately for her ‘supposedly high rate’ (in their opinion). None of these are appropriate client options in my personal view. I don’t take promotional rates any more. The problem is that if I really like the escort (and why would I be meeting an escort that I did not hope to like), then I am going to have a rate problem in the future.

I also hate negotiating rates, it actually makes me feel sleazy (OK, you can say sleazier if you want to be mean) and I think that it creates an instant reduction in the satisfaction of both the escort and therefore ultimately the client too. I have negotiated ‘unusual date formats’ in the past, but even in these special circumstances, I am now avoiding the negotiation of rates for any type of booking. So that means a rate either works or it doesn’t. It also means I am extremely unlikely to tell an escort that ‘the rate doesn’t work’ for me. 

I guess it is something that every escort (like every business) would love to know – how many bookings and from what type of customer would they get as a result of different rate choices? A crystal ball would be wonderful! I am very happy for escorts who are more successful than I can afford, but for my bookings, that means I have to move on to another escort that I wish to meet who is within my affordability range.

A thought for escorts considering their rates, if you are starting out or not getting the volume that you want, maybe you made a poor rate choice. Clients like me are unlikely to tell you and you either get the volume that suits the rate or the clients who love to negotiate a deal. Of course if you are getting too many booking enquiries, then you know what to do. If that prices me out of being able to book you, then I will still be the first to congratulate you on your business success.

So if everything matches, then when an opportunity presents itself, I will enquire for a booking – that process is also too big to cover here, again a topic for another day. Another worthwhile note here, if I intend to book an escort in the future, then I don’t feel guilty engaging with them in social media. If that escort rejects me in social media (for example as a time waster), then I will move on to someone who has treated me more kindly prior to our first meeting.

Physical to Cerebral – meeting for the second time (and beyond).

All of the above relates to first bookings only. Once you have seen someone, the dynamic changes to something completely different. New photos, new bio, reviews by other clients and for the most part public social media are no longer part of the booking process, it is primarily about how our past bookings went, and how the communication between bookings supports re-booking and ultimately regular booking.

I know some escorts have calendars made up almost entirely of re-bookings and as a result can ease back on their public marketing. I know others who, for whatever reason, have largely new clients. Some of this will be about choice, part of it may be that some escorts are better at winning new clients and some are better at holding on to the ones they have. I know which group of escorts I prefer to see, but any combination is a legitimate business model. Another day I will explore what makes me re-book and why I see certain escorts as regulars, again those dynamics work for me but may not work for others.

Eventually the marketing (virtual online aspect) gives way to an ongoing escort-client relationship that is the same as any ongoing connection between two people (or a business and its customers) – it depends on both parties getting what they need from the relationship and that is the interesting part, what a client needs varies enormously and so does what an escort needs (after the obvious need to earn a living).

I believe pure physical appeal starts to give way very quickly to other things. In my case, that is a complex list but comes down to ‘how well we click’.

Thank you for your readership. Your thoughts, comments and article sharing are all greatly appreciated.

Xx SP 20 March 2017 (article updated 11 May 2017).