Staying in the Moment

Getting the most from a booking with a wonderful escort.

Embracing the fantasy!

A booking with an escort is a unique moment in time. Almost assuredly the escort has prepared for the moment, and any client wanting a good experience will have done the same. The escort and client meet at an agreed time, spend an agreed amount of time together, and then conclude at an agreed time.

Something unique and never to be repeated has happened, it may have been awful for one or both parties, it may have been amazing for one or both parties. A purchased and completely customised service has been produced and it has been consumed. A ‘moment-in-time’ has existed, never to be repeated in exactly the same way ever again.

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Moments and Forever.

In the fairy-tales, those perfect ‘soul-mate’ relationships end with a ‘happily ever after’. We are taught, conditioned and perhaps in some respects biologically ‘wired’ to seek a lasting connection. In the sex-work world, specifically the escort-client experiences discussed in this blog, it is not a unending relationship, it is a moment.

The client usually wants a ‘moment’, an ‘experience’, that is without entanglements and coordinated like booking a show, or conducting a business meeting. The escort wants to deliver a service with a start and a finish, that earns money for the time and effort committed. Everyone involved wants it to be a moment and yet so often there are entanglements and residual issues.

Celebrating a moment.

One of the best pieces of advice I have received in respect to seeing escorts is – be true to the moment. The escort-client booking was born to be a moment. The absolute best ones are the magic that dreams and life-long memories are made from. I have only recounted three of mine so far in this blog, Degustation Dream, Harbour Lights, and Holiday Hideaway, mainly because people don’t seem that keen to read about other people’s bookings.

Bookings like these, and I hope ones that you have experienced and are perhaps reminiscing about now, are encapsulated moments. It is these little, joyous, memories of a single event, little perfect ‘bubbles in time’ – that are how a great escort-client booking can and should be. Those of us the participate in this industry are lucky humans indeed to have these unique memories, unlike most other relationships and intimate encounters.

So what goes wrong?

We can’t always stay within or true to the moment. We start to assume that it means something about the future. One great moment, especially if followed by another, then another, becomes addictive. If these are connected to the same person, we may ‘fall in love’, or otherwise develop a dependency upon this person as our connection, our bridge, to our growing addiction to these ‘great moments’, something I discussed in ‘Loving an Escort’.

In addition, we may not believe the fantasy of the moment was as strong as it seemed at the time. We look for reinforcement, endorsement, between-booking contact and other confirmation of the joy we felt, especially when we are feeling down, needy, insecure, or have had a bad experience somewhere else in our life.

This isn’t a client versus escort divide. Escorts may also want connection to certain clients that bridge certain moments and outcomes. They may also seek client and colleague confirmations when they are feeling down, or under siege from the not-so-fantastic elements of life that exist between these fantastic fleeting moments.

Imbalance – when it means more to one person than the other.

We don’t always see these connections and confirmations in the same way, or with the same intensity, as the person we are seeking them from. An escort can use this ‘moment addiction’ and ‘endorsement need’ to build dependence and support their business. A client can use the same to extract unfair outcomes from escorts in a variety of manipulative ways. In many cases, both parties suggest to each other that there is a strong ‘connection’, a bridge between moments for both of them. Sometimes there may be, but perhaps more often, the promise of a ‘greater connection’ may be more of a fantasy than those gladly shared and created within the confines of a booking.

Celebrate the moment!

So I had a ‘moment of fantasy’ before I wrote this article. I had one the week before, and I had a number before that – some I have discussed within this blog. I keep having great moments with some of the same people. Not surprisingly I am becoming addicted to them for the moments that we have together. I am also becoming addicted to some of the same people for the confirmations, endorsements and support that they give me at other times – allowing me to feel better about myself and my escort experiences when I need the emotional boost and ratification.

Some of my ‘over-thinking’ and article-based analysis lives in the spaces between these moments of fantasy. With some escorts it is important to me that there is a connection that is not only bound by the constraints of a booking, that there is some connection that exists in the ‘grey-area’ in between and around them. It is joyous to think that this ‘bigger connection’ exists and traumatic when we discover that it doesn’t – that in some cases it was all a charade.

So the best solution, in the vast majority of cases, is just to live within the ‘moment-of-fantasy’, the boundaries created by the booking alone. Celebrate, live-within, remember and isolate these as amazing little stories. Something that clients and escorts have, that pretty much the rest of the world does not.

If you can’t, and in some cases I can’t, then at least be prepared for the fantasy to be destroyed. Maybe, if you are super fortunate one of these ‘chain-of-moments’ may just have a ‘spark of forever’ about it – some amazing hybrid combination of booking moments as well as a non-booking connection. Unfortunately when you put it like that, it sounds even more unlikely, but then maybe I am a tragic romantic after all.

Enjoy the booking for what it is! If you get more, take it, appreciate it, be thankful for it, but don’t expect it – after all, it is not part of the agreement.

Thank you for your readership. As always comments, sharing and engagement here and on Twitter are most appreciated.

Xx SP 2 May 2017 (article updated 3 June 2017).

Virtual, Physical and Cerebral

What makes a client select an escort?

Thoughts on selecting an escort. How do you choose?

Well I have no idea how you make this very difficult choice. So this article will have to be about how I select an escort for a booking request. Hopefully that gets a few people talking, in social media or via comments, about your thoughts on this decision.

There is a big difference between making a first-time booking and making a repeat booking, so I am going to try and cover a little of each. In the case of an initial booking, a client normally hasn’t met the escort, for this article I am going to call that a ‘virtual’ selection, since these days it is most likely the result of an entirely online discovery.

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Virtual to Physical – meeting for the first time.

For most clients, I guess the process starts with some sort of ‘imagined scenario’ of what a first booking with a particular escort would be like. Since everyone’s ‘tastes’ are different, and people’s desires and imagination are so varied, clients are likely to differ significantly in the approach and online method that works for them. So the process I am describing is one that seems to work for me, it is not a suggestion, and I am interested in what works for you.

It is probably a general truth that photos play the largest part in the initial ‘virtual’ selection. Sexual arousal for most men is very visual and it is not surprising that escorts go to great lengths getting regular photo shoots and spending long periods of time deciding how to present themselves physically and what photos to show. At this point however, every potential client’s difference in what ‘works for them’ comes into play. I don’t have a particular preference for hair colour, although looking back I am about half blond and half brunette for bookings with a small number of redheads.

I am also not concerned about full-face or hidden-face. Although full-face makes it easier to make a selection, I fully respect escorts wanting to maintain as much privacy as possible. In this early selection stage, even with full-face, the prospective client still has to ‘imagine’ the booking and the escort. As a side note, it is rare to be disappointed on meeting an escort with a ‘hidden face’ profile, it is usually about privacy and not hiding features.

Making an initial selection.

It is an uncomfortable truth that at the beginning of a search, prospective clients are really browsing a ‘catalogue of escorts’. Whether the ‘punter’ (a name I dislike, but suits the ‘searching and gambling’ nature of this process) is utilizing the services of websites like Scarlet Blue (SB), Available Angels (AA), Punter Planet (PP), Private Girls (PG) or any of the other aggregating websites, or just making their own searches, it all starts with finding escorts that ‘appeal’ to the client. This is primarily a ‘how does the escort look’ decision.

My personal preference is Scarlet Blue, but I have reviewed and selected escort profiles from other sites as well. There are of course escorts with their own websites and active on social media, and there are approaches that don’t require the use of aggregator (industry) websites. I have seen escort’s personal websites, however I have normally discovered escorts from the industry websites named above, or from the social media posts of these same websites, when they progressively promote their advertising escorts.

I realise there is a lot to say on this topic, so I will probably go into more detail on specific selection thinking in a future article. It is important to say that during this initial profile review, I am not interested in an escort’s rates (price) or their services. My first question is a simple one, do I find the escort physically attractive? Then, do I like what they say and how they describe themselves, including any insights that I can see from the escort’s social media and other clues, reviews (with caution), personal preferences and the general style of their representation online.

In most cases I generally filter out escorts who say nothing about themselves and those who are too aggressive online. I look for communicative escorts who seem authentic and are not bitter or angry. I know this is still only an ‘impression’, but some escorts spend almost all of their online energy complaining about how awful clients are, and in some cases fighting with other sex-workers – well you get the point, I don’t book them.

Progressing to a booking request.

I expect that similar to me, most prospective clients look at many more profiles of escorts than they actually make booking requests from. So once I have ‘selected an escort’, what moves me to request a booking? In my case I am seeing less new escorts these days, because I want to re-book others I have seen before. Every so often however the adrenaline and newness of a ‘first-time booking’ is attractive and I go down this road of discovery again. It is mostly about practicalities by this stage. Will the escort be in the same place (city) as me? What services do they provide and can I afford their rate? Have I already thought about booking them in the past, or heard another escort recommend them? These are all significant factors that come together as part of the considerations.

There is lots that I could say on services and rates – topics for another time. For me it is simply this, do the services indicate I can book a date that will match my preferences.

As a longer, dinner-date kind-of-guy, I am looking for indications that this is also an enjoyed booking format for the escort. I am not bothered by covered or uncovered, but I am likely to avoid escorts that are more focused on short-bookings, primarily PSE or other combinations that suggest a dinner-date GFE is likely to be less comfortable for them (and therefore for me as well).

I don’t care if the escort does porn or not, just whether when in their ‘escort mode’ they have a service offering that suits my preferences. Then I make a rate decision, this clearly (and sometimes sadly) knocks out a number of choices, as we all have our own comfort range for anything that we buy, just as every escort has their own pricing decision as a result of a large number of personal and market factors.

When rate ‘mismatch’ is the filter.

I know some prospective clients may look for ‘promotions’, or try to negotiate a ‘special rate’, or in severe cases, criticize the escort publicly or privately for her ‘supposedly high rate’ (in their opinion). None of these are appropriate client options in my personal view. I don’t take promotional rates any more. The problem is that if I really like the escort (and why would I be meeting an escort that I did not hope to like), then I am going to have a rate problem in the future.

I also hate negotiating rates, it actually makes me feel sleazy (OK, you can say sleazier if you want to be mean) and I think that it creates an instant reduction in the satisfaction of both the escort and therefore ultimately the client too. I have negotiated ‘unusual date formats’ in the past, but even in these special circumstances, I am now avoiding the negotiation of rates for any type of booking. So that means a rate either works or it doesn’t. It also means I am extremely unlikely to tell an escort that ‘the rate doesn’t work’ for me. 

I guess it is something that every escort (like every business) would love to know – how many bookings and from what type of customer would they get as a result of different rate choices? A crystal ball would be wonderful! I am very happy for escorts who are more successful than I can afford, but for my bookings, that means I have to move on to another escort that I wish to meet who is within my affordability range.

A thought for escorts considering their rates, if you are starting out or not getting the volume that you want, maybe you made a poor rate choice. Clients like me are unlikely to tell you and you either get the volume that suits the rate or the clients who love to negotiate a deal. Of course if you are getting too many booking enquiries, then you know what to do. If that prices me out of being able to book you, then I will still be the first to congratulate you on your business success.

So if everything matches, then when an opportunity presents itself, I will enquire for a booking – that process is also too big to cover here, again a topic for another day. Another worthwhile note here, if I intend to book an escort in the future, then I don’t feel guilty engaging with them in social media. If that escort rejects me in social media (for example as a time waster), then I will move on to someone who has treated me more kindly prior to our first meeting.

Physical to Cerebral – meeting for the second time (and beyond).

All of the above relates to first bookings only. Once you have seen someone, the dynamic changes to something completely different. New photos, new bio, reviews by other clients and for the most part public social media are no longer part of the booking process, it is primarily about how our past bookings went, and how the communication between bookings supports re-booking and ultimately regular booking.

I know some escorts have calendars made up almost entirely of re-bookings and as a result can ease back on their public marketing. I know others who, for whatever reason, have largely new clients. Some of this will be about choice, part of it may be that some escorts are better at winning new clients and some are better at holding on to the ones they have. I know which group of escorts I prefer to see, but any combination is a legitimate business model. Another day I will explore what makes me re-book and why I see certain escorts as regulars, again those dynamics work for me but may not work for others.

Eventually the marketing (virtual online aspect) gives way to an ongoing escort-client relationship that is the same as any ongoing connection between two people (or a business and its customers) – it depends on both parties getting what they need from the relationship and that is the interesting part, what a client needs varies enormously and so does what an escort needs (after the obvious need to earn a living).

I believe pure physical appeal starts to give way very quickly to other things. In my case, that is a complex list but comes down to ‘how well we click’.

Thank you for your readership. Your thoughts, comments and article sharing are all greatly appreciated.

Xx SP 20 March 2017 (article updated 11 May 2017).

Perspective is Everything

Real escort dates as they look from different viewpoints.

The role of perspective on enjoying escort bookings.

I have been in a bit of a funk since December last year. For the first few months of this ‘low patch’, I unwittingly coloured some of my escort bookings with a ‘darker view’ when contrasted with those back in 2016, when I was in a happier place.

A recent personal scare, from someone in a far darker place than me, highlighted this negative outlook. I knew I had unkindly skewed perceptions, while I was caught in my own minor ‘down patch’. It started me thinking, have my dates been less exciting and positive, or have I just coloured them through my own dark lens. How important is perspective?

Perspective

Six date stories.

The following are all real escort bookings, they all occurred in early 2017, and nothing is made up, embellished or untrue. Of course I am keeping them general and unidentifiable, except that some of the people involved may be able to guess – but be careful, you may well be wrong. Plus remember I am trying to illustrate a point here.

Date One a four-hour lunch date that ended after only three-hours, with the escort leaving an hour early.

Date Two an overnight booking, it included the evening equivalent of a four-hour dinner date, but the next morning when we woke, there was no intimacy beyond a brief cuddle in bed.

Date Three a same morning cancellation by the escort of a long-planned four-hour lunch.

Date Four a four-hour lunch date where no items of clothing were removed for the entire date by either of us, the only intimacy was a few minutes of kissing.

Date Five a first booking, I left the high-quality room to the escort overnight for some impromptu doubles profile photos. I was slightly disappointed to never receive a thank-you or follow-up communication, despite seeing the photos turn up on a newly launched profile.

Date Six a long date that included attending an event. On the next-day, I was surprised to receive a demand from the escort for extra payment to cover missing another booking, as the social component of our long booking ran well over time.

My perspective on this ‘bad run’.

I felt that my wonderful run of 2016 had come crashing down and that 2017 was turning into a train-wreck. There are some other more ‘identifiable’ stories that I am leaving out, but let’s just say there were more than the six above, including some rather nasty incidents if all of the truth was told. Of course it wasn’t all disappointing booking stories, so let me tell you about six more 2017 bookings.

Six more date stories.

Date One was a wonderful first date with shared stories on our real-life professional areas, amazing intimacy and a very strong connection that was allowed by the escort to run overtime.

Date Two had so many elements to it, that it is hard to describe here. It was a complicated meeting to arrange, but the best parts of it are highly memorable and pleasing to recall for a wide range of reasons.

Date Three was a long-awaited catch-up with an escort that I am exceeding close with, it was unusual booking for both of us, but I believe our strong connection continues to grow even stronger.

Date Four was a first meeting that happened on a tragic public day, it was a wonderful date and was followed up at a future meeting that was thankfully free from external dramas.

Date Five was an agreed re-booking that led to me meeting one of the sweetest and most amazing people I have discovered. They continue to give me amazing support and I always enjoy seeing them immensely.

Date Six is with one of my long-term companions who later returned for a shared spa massage, some food and some lengthy relaxed conversation.

A change in perspective.

So you have probably worked the structure of this article out already. Both six date stories are exactly the same six bookings – with just their order mixed around. 

The points are all true, and either would be a reasonably accurate description of the booking. The first six date stories are the view of a person (me) who is in a poor frame of mind – feeling down and sorry for themselves.

The second view is the view of a person (the new me) who has re-examined the event, is in a better frame of mind and is really looking at the overall wonder of these bookings, rather than the small insecure doubts and ‘parts’ of the encounter that can play on the mind of someone in a dark place.

The very depressed perspective of someone very close to me, has been one of the triggers to make me rethink my own 2017 experiences, and realize that I am the person creating my own reality.

Perspective is everything!

We all go through ups and downs. Perhaps some of us are more inclined to positive perspectives and others to negative views.

I am not trying to change minds here, all I am saying, drawn from my own very recent experience is … if you go into a complicated human encounter – you know, a booking with an escort – and you are in a negative frame of mind, the world will look that way. If you can forgive the small incidents, errors and human idiosyncrasies and look at the overall picture, you may find, like I have, that with a different perspective life, your booking(s) and your human connections are all pretty good. I am changing my tune – 2017 is going to be great, hell, it already is!

An epilogue of sorts.

There are a few people (not mentioned here) that are also currently suffering from a ‘poor perspective’ of their own, and a couple of them still owe me a reassessment in the same manner as mine, and perhaps in some cases an apology when they are in a better place in their lives.

I’m not really worried about that. I have however also made regrettable choices in my own ‘down time’ and with the benefit of a changed perspective, there are some people that I have hurt. Hurt people hurt people. Happy people generally don’t. So while I was hurting in my own modest way, I did my share of damage. I have tried to remedy this, but to anyone I am still re-building with, and to one person in particular, I am sorry it took me this long to get back to a positive perspective – that has been your wonderful advice to me all along!

Thoughts and your experiences are both welcome. Please however don’t criticize any of the ‘dates’ above, none of these people deserve it, it really was my perspective on what was in every case a quality booking (that is why I choose them for illustration, because they all had something negative and so much more that was positive – it was all a matter of perspective).

Xx SP 18 March 2017 (article updated 11 May 2017).

OMG Escort Rates

One client’s perspective on escort rates – yes I went there!

Don’t talk about rates! Pay what is asked!

These are the two golden rules of rates when it comes to clients and escorts. Don’t talk about rates, don’t talk about rates, don’t talk about rates! Pay what is asked or walk away!

So why, in only my second blog article, am I tackling possibly the most controversial topic of all? Plus why did I come back on 3 May and add some edits to this article? Crazy?

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Rates from one clients perspective.

Perhaps the third rule is ‘don’t discuss what role rates play’ in the escort and client dynamic and client’s decision making process. Now here is some territory that perhaps isn’t that well understood, because we never really talk about it. So remembering that this is only my perspective, here we go …

Why does an escort charge a certain rate?

At some level this is market forces at work, the same as almost any service industry, but with some major differences. A client normally doesn’t know, and shouldn’t know the basis of an individual escort’s rate decisions. Maybe the escort only wants a certain volume of bookings and lifts their price to reduce quantity, as a result maximising their earning potential from a lower volume approach. Maybe it is the opposite, and rates are lower to maximise the quantity of bookings and win new clients in a full-time, higher volume approach. That decision is private and largely secret.

There are a huge number of personal and business reasons for choosing a particular set of rates and that is entirely up to the escort – end of discussion. Something many clients (my past mistakes included) take some time to learn. As a client, when you would like to see a particular escort, and feel that their rate is higher than your payment comfort level – walk away. Almost no discussion past this point ends well.

Why does a client choose to book at certain rate(s)?

Again this is private for many of the same reasons: volume, personal finances, preferred booking format (duration and type) and again a host of other private reasons. So all I can speak to is my own experience. Over time I have settled into a preferred booking type (duration) that I mix around a little for both new experiences and some variety. I also have a preferred pricing rate, or more accurately a pricing range, that again I play around with from time to time. I am fairly comfortable with where I fit, and the type of escorts that I generally like to see.

The reason for the ‘format’ preference is that it works best for my personality, desires and comfort within a booking. The reason for the rate-range is that it is where most of the escorts I see regularly price their service. Purchasing comfort, and after a while a sense of fairness and loyalty, as much as anything else, keeps me largely within that preferred rate range.

Everyone’s range and preference is different, and they shouldn’t be shamed, just as every escort’s rate can be different, and they shouldn’t be shamed or questioned either. Both the escort’s pricing decision and the client’s buying decision should be respected – where they match bookings should occur, and where they don’t match, bookings should not occur. It’s pretty simple at that level, when we keep entitlement, jealousy, competitiveness and other comparisons out of the mix and decision process.

What are the signals given by rate choices?

There are however many signals given to prospective clients by selecting certain rates and rate structures. I say prospective clients, because rates are part of the escort’s ‘marketing mix’ before a client has seen that escort. After the first meeting, the price may be a future barrier or incentive to re-booking, but it isn’t simply about first-booking marketing any more. For prospective clients, the time lengths and booking selections on offer and their price differences ‘say something’ about the escort, their preferences and ‘booking type’ fit. Here are a couple of over-simplified examples.

If an escort has a reducing scale for longer bookings it tends to signal a preference for longer dates (compared to more hours being on the same unchanging hourly rate). If a dinner booking is significantly less than the same number of hours for a comparable straight booking, then it signals that dinner is a preferred booking (especially if the escort says as much and talks about food and dining in their profile). If overnight and weekend rates have a significant reduction, then once again a signal is sent. This may not be true or even the deliberate intention of the escort, but it is the signal that is sent to a potential first time client. These pricing signals combine with photos, bios, social media and other elements in the client’s selection of who they are going to try and book.

Value and cost, or if you prefer, the apparent hierarchy of escort rates?

This is possibly where most of the angst about rates comes from – what is an escort worth? How do they compare? What does a higher rate buy? I don’t like or even agree with any of these questions for the following reasons that I hope are obvious.

The escort-client booking is almost unique compared to most other financial transactions. The difference between a good experience and a bad experience is as far apart as any service can be. A client can spend the same amount of money with two escorts and have, in one case the best experience of their life, and in the other case an experience they would wish to forget – one is priceless, the other (at best) is a waste of money. For an escort, the gulf between good and bad is even more profound – it is the enormous gap between an enjoyable connection and putting their life at risk – the full range of possibilities that exist in human interaction, one is relatively easy money and the other is not worth any amount of money.

Put another way, one extreme asks the question – why wouldn’t everyone want to do this? The other extreme – why would anyone do this? This dialogue leads into perceptions, society, bad clients, good clients, sexism and a host of topics for another time (which as at the time of updating this article in May, I still haven’t had the courage to tackle). Within these ranges, talk of ‘is it worth the money’ is almost nonsensical. Personally I have had experiences that I will never forget and I have also had ones that I wish I had forgotten already – at those extremes, the value for money conversation makes no sense at all.

An escort is far more than their rate.

The range of experience and quality has very little to do with pricing and rate. It also varies enormously between one encounter where there is a good connection and another encounter where the client and escort simply don’t ‘click’. Depending upon needs, connection and a host of non-monetary ‘compatibility’ elements, the connection between escort and client is largely independent of rate. My experiences do not correlate at all with rate. I have had mind-blowing bookings with ‘lower-rate’ escorts and not-so-great ones with ‘higher-rate’ escorts. Really after the booking is made, a client should try and forget the rate and enjoy the ‘date’ as by that point, the amount spent has lost any relevance on the experience. The trick is finding where the balance lies and then sticking with it as much as possible – specifically the dynamic of ‘regulars’ (a topic I covered after this initial article, looking at rates and the impact on maintaining ongoing ‘regular’ client-escort connections).

So an escort chooses their rate as an earning and business decision, it is not a reflection of their value – any quality escort is ‘worth’ so much more than their ‘rate’. An escort is selling a service, provided personally for a set time – they are not selling themselves and as a result the rate is their pricing on the value of their service, it is not their personal value.

For a client, their spending rate is also a capacity and personal decision, it should not be seen as stating or inferring value and a good client knows that they are getting more than their money is worth, and for that reason, clients should ‘add value’ to the date. Clients should ‘bring additional value’ with manners, a nice environment, being at our best (attire, hygiene, cleanliness, sober and in a good frame-of-mind) and anything else that shows real value for another human being’s time, where money does not. Clients who think about ‘giving more than their money’ are generally going to get a far better experience, and the value and enjoyment is increased for both the client and escort alike.

More to say?

I had hoped to get into regulars, rate changes, discounting, gifts and other connected topics, but this is already too long an article, so more another day. A little of this was added later under ‘Discounts, promos and rates’ if you are interested in that follow up article. Obviously I am interested in your comments and thoughts. This is only my view, so please don’t get into heated debate. I am only speaking for myself and my experience, not for every client and certainly not for escorts – please add your perspective here in comments if you want or through discussion on Twitter.

Thanks so much for your readership!

Xx SP 7 March 2017 (article updated 3 May 2017).