What Went Wrong?

Escort bookings have plenty of chances to go wrong!

Escort bookings make speed-dating look simple!

The first five minutes of a first escort booking are intense by any standard. Even if there has been plenty of preliminaries – screening, communication and deposits, it is still two people meeting each other for the first time – meeting to have sex.

There is so much that can go wrong. Even if the first booking is a huge success, every subsequent encounter is still intense, and the chance of something negative happening is greater than in most other human interactions. Often one of the people is left wondering – what the hell happened, what went wrong?

The pathway to rapid intimacy – stage one.

In those first five minutes you could fill an entire novel. The client is appraising his booking for the first time in real life, and if they are a decent client, they are trying to complete all the preliminaries and make the Escort feel at ease.

I assume at the same moment, the Escort is assessing safety, payment, venue (if an outcall), as well as the same human appraisal summations as the client – all in rapid time. Adrenaline and heart rates are high, time slows, nerves show through and not everything is taken in and absorbed – at least by me. Yet despite this, I think I know how it is going to go – good or bad – within the first 30-seconds. Humans are amazing at this early assessment stuff really.

I try and handle the payment immediately, with a hotel room tour, drink offer and light chat, all within the first minute. Then I try and give the Escort some space for her booking process, counting the money, texting security and whatever else she needs in her own process of getting organised. Then I (we) try to slow the pace down to get relaxed. It is amazing when this feels in-sync and the early chat is light, funny and pleasant. That is always a good sign.

First bookings with a chatty and open client.

I am a largely open book, within reason. I try and share personal material and insights into ‘who I am’ as part of a rapid journey to personal intimacy. This has risks, and if it is not reciprocated (at least in part) when I encounter an Escort who is very closed, or ‘mechanical’, then I know we are probably not going to meet again. Even if the sex is good, as I have explained in other blog articles, I’m here for physical and mental intimacy.

For a client and escort who are both talkative, and sharing, even at a relatively safe and superficial level, the pathway to intimacy is faster than in any other meeting of two human beings (this is only my opinion of course). That is part of the appeal, part of the addiction, part of what makes this a different experience to the rest of the slower, darker, more boring regular world. It also brings a supercharged environment for things to go wrong.

The pathway to rapid intimacy – stage two.

Both the client and escort build a connection. A lot of this is based on personal experience, short-cuts and assumptions. In showing each other our ‘good-sides’ and then both building an intimate portrait of each other, neither party has really learned those long, hard, lessons of what the ‘red-flags’ are, the danger areas, the no-go zones, or where those ‘crazy’ little parts we all hide inside are lurking.

There is a minefield lurking between the unicorns and rainbows we show each other – ready to be triggered at any time. When the client’s bomb goes off, or the escort’s bomb goes off, the other one is probably going to say to themselves – what the fcuk just happened!

What traps are being set for destruction?

Is the connection too intimate or not intimate enough? Did something get said that triggered an old wound? Is the level of ‘neediness’ building a feeling of care or pity? Is the conversation connecting, repelling or too invasive? Is the physical side clumsy or cute, rough or effeminate? Are the areas being focused on erogenous or irritating? Are the aromas a turn-off or turn-on? There are just so many approaches, things, beliefs and behaviours that can build a connection or destroy it. In this fast race to intimacy, the number of traps left hidden, ready to destroy any building interpersonal connection are huge.

When a deal-breaker happens?

Whether it is one critical ‘deal-breaker’, or the build up of lots of small negatives, when either the Escort or the client decides ‘the bomb has gone off’, they are unlikely to tell the other person due to the ‘transactional’ and ‘momentary’ nature of client-escort connections. They are just going to decide that this booking is the last booking (unless it is a ‘red card’ walk-out-on-the-booking offence).

In many of these cases, the other person, client or escort, is unlikely to know any of the detail of what happened. Why, when a connection was being made (in their view) did the other person pull the pin? This is unfortunately very likely to happen in client-escort connections, because in the rapid race to intimacy, the speed of advancement skips a lot of these discussions and discoveries.

Once again, I don’t have any answers, I just want to get people thinking. If anything, my only suggestion is to be aware that this is a common thing, and also maybe consider sharing any feedback with someone you are feeling close to, or think may be feeling close to you. Rejection is hard, but unclear rejection can be worse.

Since the first version of this article, I have seen polls showing that honest criticism between clients and escorts is rare. This isn’t surprising, no one wants to hear that their ‘best representation’ in a booking has shortcomings. Often the client or escort just moves on, or more accurately away.

If your connection is something that you want to maintain, deciding if issues are worth exposing and attempting to resolve, is a hard decision. I have tried now, mentioning some issues that have arisen, on a couple of occasions. I feel bad mentioning anything, I am not sure I am entitled to do so, and I am fearful of the risks. The result is often complex, feeling like a step forward and backward at the same time. The reality of two people resolving an issue seems to diminish the fantasy of perfect escort-client relations. I still can’t say what the better approach is – honesty or fantasy?

Thank you for your readership. Your comments and feedback is greatly appreciated as is any promotion of my articles.

Xx SP 10 April 2017 (article updated 21 May 2017).

Harbour Lights

Reminiscing on a wonderful booking – another date story.

Some moments capture a relationship.

This story is another moment in time. My second article telling the story of a magical date, another perfect escort booking. In some ways this is harder to tell than ‘Degustation Dream’ and I am glad that I am committing this wonderful evening to a story now, before too much more time passes.

The fact that I have had the great fortune to see this amazing woman on many occasions, means that if not recorded now, the great experiences we have shared together may start to merge into each other. That isn’t a bad thing, it is just that I am trying to tell the story of just one of our many great encounters, not the story of how much this person means to me, and how great a collective set of experiences can be. That however may be an article for another day, one I feel that is fast approaching.

BennelongCocktails2

Lightness of being.

Sometimes you just feel good. This date started with a walk to the restaurant as the summer sun was beginning to lower in the late afternoon sky, arm in arm after my beautiful companion exited her Uber on arrival. The weather was beautiful and the harbour-side was buzzing. We each took a couple of quick photos of the view and then headed into the restaurant.

Cocktails of course! Then a quick catch-up, we were after all way past the ‘getting to know you’ stage of early bookings, now having a shared history and established conversation short-cuts. Then a wonderful meal, simple elegant dishes. Small incredible photogenic and delicious entrees, followed by amazing mains and then of course desert – with more cocktails! The meals were delicious and beautiful, the harbour view and city magnificent to behold, but the most beautiful sight was my glowing, happy companion. Impossible to take my eyes away, she was also being watched by other envious and curious restaurant guests as well – it’s hard to miss a beautiful radiant soul, especially when their smile, eyes and being are alight with happiness!

After dinner stroll.

It wasn’t a long walk to the hotel. A beautiful summer evening we took our time soaking up the balmy, perfect weather and chatted on the way back to the room. One of my favourite hotels, with similarly impressive views over the harbour as our restaurant. Some champagne, some giggles and some slow undressing with plenty of kissing while still talking and relaxing, we gradually moved into post-dinner nakedness.

My desire for this companion, now that we are well acquainted, comes from friendship, comfort, her incredible intellect and deep emotional soul and her endless joyfulness, lightheartedness and focus on adventure and fun. I try to be these things, but as you will know from my writing, I can be pensive, over think things and sometimes get caught by the negative emotions that we all encounter in life. Just thinking of my friend pulls me out of those moments, being with her is like the clouds are lifted in the emotional equivalent of a perfect summer’s day.

Having said all of that, when I see her naked in my company, it is one of the most sexually exciting and stimulating moments. In so many ways, things about this companion are now ‘happiness shortcuts’ in my life. I constantly carry around memories and triggers that bring me back to those happy moments – perhaps most of all, the ethereal lightness of being after a most amazing meal, a walk around the harbour in the company of a most perfect companion. Concluding the booking with yet another wonderful evening of brilliant and passionate sex.

After the day.

We have been to shows, events and numerous restaurants, they have all been wonderful too. Sometimes however relaxed conversation, good food and a city putting on a special evening is enough to create simple perfection. To me this companion is exactly that, the representation of a perfect summer evening.

If you read my article on ‘Friends and Lovers’, I hope and believe that this companion is also my friend. She is also occasionally a ‘ghost’ (see article), after all, who really can hold continuous joy in their heart at every moment. I have learned to let the bookings be the moment and enjoy the sporadic communication in between. This was a challenge for me for a while, but as you learn more about a person, you also learn to appreciate differences in style. This young woman has taught me a little about letting go, enjoying the moment and letting gaps be meaningful and lighthearted. I may be learning to appreciate the step-in and step-out strengths and meaningful highs of a ghost-like connection. I am also learning to have fun and enjoy the adventure.

As I said in my last ‘perfect date story’, I hope you enjoyed hearing about this booking and even more so, I hope you have had similarly powerful and pleasant experiences all of your own.

Thank you for your readership. Feel free to comment here, share and give me feedback on Twitter. I hope that my perfect date story reminds you of some of your own.

Xx SP 3 April 2017 (article updated 19 May 2017).

Degustation Dream

Recollection of a perfect night – the story of one booking.

The set-up to this story of one perfect night.

This is the story of one moment in time. I am going to take a slightly different approach to my previous blog posts on ‘client-escort’ topics and recount a single booking – a perfect booking.

I have more of these to come (subsequent to this story, I have added ‘Harbour Lights’ and ‘Holiday Hideaway’). What can I say, I have been very, very fortunately, so please don’t take the order of articles, story content or any other aspect as some vote, preference or ranking system. Let me know if you want to hear more of this type of article. The story is true, detail has only been left out for privacy and to protect the guilty – me! I hope you enjoy the story of a perfect night.

HoodedWoman

Meeting again!

My first meeting with this wonderful escort was worthy of a similar story, one for another day. It was fortunate and serendipitous for its own reasons and that first booking had left me wanting a second booking – something that wasn’t possible for a while due to a number of reasons, a delay that heightened the anticipation of this ‘sequel’ date.

Our second booking, this booking, now named by me for literary effect as ‘Degustation Dream’ was planned as a dinner date and locked in weeks ahead of schedule. We kept some infrequent but pleasant contact, counting down the weeks and keeping the expectations high – it is a pleasant thing as a client to anticipate a future booking and to believe it is pleasantly anticipated by the escort as well. Eventually the day came.

The arrival.

We met at the hotel where I was staying, she was running a little late and advised me of the delay by text. I set myself up in the lobby bar to find that a wedding or engagement party was in full swing. I was fortunate enough to get the last two seats in the hotel lounge. I ordered two glasses of champagne, partly as a signal to the function guests that the other seat was taken.

My companion for the evening arrived in a thin, elegant and rather revealing sun dress, relaxed and sexy, but also formal enough for a restaurant dinner. Despite the large number of young men and women at the function, many turned and looked as she arrived. I still smile now remembering their looks as this beautiful, graceful and head-turning woman gave me a hug, flicked her hair and sat down to the champagne. Some of their curious looks turned to barely hidden disapproval when she sat down next to me. She didn’t even notice their disdain and started a casual, pleasant discussion with me, as though she had only been away to the bathroom and we were resuming a barely paused conversation. In the end, I think the champagne ended up on the bill of the function guests – I was winning already.

Off to dinner.

Our meal was at the other end of town, at a restaurant recommended to me by a work colleague. We caught an Uber Black and had a pleasant and what seemed short drive. When I entered the restaurant I became a little concerned. I am pretty sure I was the second-youngest person there, which made my companion for the evening by far the youngest. It seemed like the sort of ‘establishment’ place that old couples and executives haunt, and I was concerned that it would be stolid, uninspired food in a mausoleum style environment. I was very, very wrong!

Our waiter and sommelier were wonderful. We started by ordering a fine bottle of red wine and while considering the menu and raving over the wine, my companion said we didn’t need to ‘watch-the-clock’, and we could order the degustation option if that was my preference. Well you know the answer already from the title of this article, those words are always lovely to hear, never expected and always a most lovely bonus.

We had something approaching ten of the best small courses of food that I have ever had, and I am becoming a rather spoilt dinner guest. The sommelier seemed to be competing with himself with every matched wine, oh yes, we added the matched wines option, to out-describe the wine before it. Telling us of its history, region and the detail of why he had selected each wine for the particular course of the degustation – it was an absolute tour de force of a meal and the restaurant staff doted on us but also left us space for some very intimate conversations.

In the end we were almost the last guests to leave, thanked by the staff, probably keen to close-up, but impeccably well mannered. It cost a lot, but I almost welcomed the bill, it was the best meal for two people I think that I have ever had. The food and drinks were amazing, and the conversation, on only our second meeting, was equally divine. We discussed our personal philosophies, elements of our history, things we had in common and where we wanted to go in life. I know escorts and clients must keep secrets in reserve, but I don’t remember feeling that any discussion was off limits – it was just hours, and I mean hours, of dining and blissful company.

OK, so we we’re both pretty drunk. I don’t suggest that this is a good idea in most cases, as too much alcohol can drastically diminish performance, enjoyment and memory – all bad for client-escort dates. In addition, if you aren’t both in a good mood, expect the alcohol to make the mood worse. Despite that caveat, we were both having a ball. I suspect that the Uber driver taking us back to the hotel would have a different story, but hey, I don’t recall much of that trip, other than we were very close together.

Back at the hotel.

So maybe when you are floating in a dream, the effect of alcohol on libido is different. In this case, I had no alcohol related performance issues. I am not a writer of sexy literature and I’m also very reluctant to go into too many details, other than to say that I was very keen to have sex and it took almost no effort. We didn’t make it past the couch in the hotel suite before we were at it, in relatively raw and vigorous release, after hours of getting close to each other.

Then to the balcony in the night air. I think the fresh-air hit me, because I couldn’t see or focus on any long-range vision beyond the immediacy of my escort companion. More specifically her back, her hair and the back of the rest of her naked body – you get the idea. I don’t know if anyone could see us, I suspect that they could, and neither of us cared, we were in sheer wanton disregard of the modesty of the rest of the city at night.

Then lastly to the bedroom and by that stage, I had slowed a little, it was gradual, face to face and more intimate. I think after that I let the team down, as although I thought I had put up a sterling display, my companion was doing better than me, younger, fitter, better and probably would have pushed me further still, but I believe she kindly let me off-the-hook claiming a similar level of fatigue. This was not a short session either, there was more talking and quieter intimate moments as well. My companion had really gone off-the-clock, and I am again not suggesting that this should ever be expected, ever, but it was so nice to look back later, reminiscing about that night, and realise the honour granted by my companion to allow it all to come to an end when it came to an end.

Post booking.

We got dressed, slowly as drunk and tired people tend to do. I walked my companion to her car and yet again we stopped, don’t worry, not to drive anywhere. I joined her in my first cigarette for several years, and then another and then another. We had more conversations and ultimately she decided to crash for what little of the night remained at a friends place nearby. I wandered back to my hotel very slowly, the walk of a very tired but very satisfied person, savouring the night and with a spring in my step.

I woke up to a massive hangover, the type where it seems someone is working on the inside of your temples with twin jack-hammers. I was due to fly out and it took me a long time to pack up the room, finding packets, condoms and remnants of the evening everywhere – with each little ‘find’, I smiled and then my headache reminded me not to smile so quickly.

We exchanged a number of messages the next day. I think my main comment was at how amazing the evening was and at how ‘broken’ I felt. I really was broken, I was sore in the strangest of places for almost a week afterward – strangely it was a pleasant pain, bringing back a recollection of one of my favorite experiences.

We have seen each other since, will hopefully continue to see each other more in the future, and every booking has been a joy. The bar was set very high that night, and I think we have come very close to equaling it now on a few other wonderful occasions. We have often spoken about that one ‘stand-out’ night that just went perfectly start-to-finish – my Degustation Dream (a name I have only just bestowed on this wonderful evening, this wonderful memory).

Please don’t try and identify my companion. Also, please don’t think I am discounting other mind-blowing experiences, if this article format proves popular, I will include more of these individual date stories alongside the other article types. I simply wanted to tell the story of a great booking.

I hope you enjoyed hearing about this booking and even more so, I hope you have had similarly powerful and pleasant experiences of your own.

Xx SP 30 March 2017 (article updated 17 May 2017).

Friends and Lovers

The complexity of friendship in a client-escort relationship.

What makes up a ‘Girlfriend Experience’ (GFE) booking?

This is not really an article for clients new to seeing escorts. Consider this more of a conceptual client-escort article on dynamics that happen over time. Everyone’s experiences are different, so maybe the concepts here might create some controversy or disagreement. The premise is pretty simple, ‘Girlfriend Experience’ (GFE) bookings contain two key components – sex and friendship that are extremely different dynamics.

Most escort’s detail their sexual offering in ‘services’ and this is usually a key booking discussion point. In this particular post, I am focusing on the far more problematic and complex area of companionship – or let’s be more honest, the part of the purchase that is about friendship – real or pretend.

Cocktails

Classes of client-escort friendship.

Why do I take escorts on dinner dates? Probably because I am interested in the connection and ‘friendship’ as much, OK even more than the sex. So in a ‘Girlfriend Experience’ (GFE) proposition, hardcore sex is traded for contact, companionship, conversation and some element of pretend, or real, friendship. If clients and escorts get into emotionally compromised and hurtful territory, it is far more likely to be connected to the friendship elements than the sex.

Most clients understand that escorts are having sex with many other clients. Most escorts understand that a certain group of their clients are seeing many escorts. Few in my experience have trouble with this scenario. When you swap the words and say some escorts are making friends with many clients, and some clients are making friends with many escorts – then this scenario is one that a fair number of escorts and clients are not as prepared to deal with emotionally. The sex is for sale, but human connection and friendship is not. Although there are many levels with this, it is the minefield of the ‘Girlfriend Experience’ within the sex work industry, and one that I have already discussed in a number of blog posts on this website.

Five types of ‘client-escort’ friendships.

So with this article, more than all the others before it, I want to start a discussion. I am even hoping to see some controversy and disagreement. Again, from my own limited experience, I am going to put the ‘connection’ part of escort companionship, the GFE relationship, into five categories. I believe that you can class both escorts and clients in these groups, although the percentages and behaviours vary depending on whether you are provider or purchaser. Here they are …

Ghosts – this group disappear between bookings. There is no ‘companionship’ offered outside of the booking environment. This may be a great thing, it may be an awful thing, it depends on which group you are in, and whether you need ‘connection’, companionship and friendship outside of the booking itself. Many mainly PSE providers and very successful and super-busy escorts fall into this category. Many occasional and silent (invisible) clients are also in this category – this can be a low maintenance and highly valuable group if both of you – client and escort – are ghosts. I actually aspire to be a ghost, unfortunately for me at the moment, I’m in the class of needy clients that desire a message of reinforcement and friendship between bookings.

Scalpers – this group want to ‘add another scalp’ to their list. You may think that this is only a certain class of clients who want to see lots of escorts only once. You would be wrong. There are also escorts who want to ‘list’ certain ‘punters’. They want to showcase dates, gifts and in some cases, the lonesome friendship cries of some of the most needy clients to their peers as some sort of competition or proof of their escorting skill. It is very disappointing that this thinking exists in the minds of both clients and escorts and it is very hurtful to others not of the same mind or ‘industry as a game’ thinking.

Actors – an obvious skill for escorts and a questionable one for clients, is the idea of ‘acting’ as a companion and friend for the commercial outcome of the escort-client transaction. This is where the model normally starts for an escort – make a client feel good, not only sexually but in terms of attention, conversation, companionship, listening and other aspects of friendship. This is an understandable, and when it is well handled even a highly agreeable part of the service. It is strange however if a client feels they need to ‘act the friend’ either for game-playing, negotiating or some other strange motivation. I have no issue with escort ‘actors’, if I fall for the act, then well played to you my escort companion – especially if the overall experience is amazing. It is going to hurt in some circumstances (maybe later as a repeat client), but that is the risk of buying a Girlfriend experience – if I wanted a ‘real girlfriend’, then this isn’t the place to start and it is entirely a ‘buyer beware’ scenario.

Friends – if an escort and client have developed a relationship over time (repeat and regular bookings in particular), then some form of friendship is possible. Every long-standing escort probably has some co-working escort friends and possibly some client friends as well. Every long-standing client may also have some escort and even other journeying client friends as part of the experience. The cynic would say that this is almost impossible to know, until the ‘business part’ of the relationship has been retired. I have ‘placed’ some of my escort relationships in this ‘holy grail’ category to find that they were actually consummate ‘Actors’, and unfortunately in some cases even ‘Stalkers’. The ones that remain, I truly honestly hope that they remain friends – not best friends, just friends, after our booking days are over – I guess I am going to find out eventually, and I guess the number is going to be small, and maybe even zero. Sadly some escorts I viewed as friends have disappeared already.

Stalkers– last of all is when it gets out-of-hand. The connection, desired connection or some other element, takes it from healthy to unhealthy. A mismatched relationship where one person becomes obsessed with the other and acts upon this obsession. There are so many emotions, feelings and experiences in the mix here, and lets face it, many of us are needy, it happens that someone goes too far and moves into an obsessive mode (I am lumping all obsessive behaviours here together as stalkers). Escorts experience this far more than clients, but it happens in reverse too. It isn’t a pleasant place to be, knowing that someone is obsessed with you and not knowing what that means or how far they will go. It actually happens far more than people admit, escorts and clients have both told me very concerning recounts of experiences in this class of dangerous and needy obsession. Some are very scary indeed!

So what does it all mean?

Well once again I am big on setting the scene and unfortunately short on solutions. I really don’t have the answers. Stalkers are scary as hell. Friends are desired, but often an illusion and even more so in this ‘purchased intimacy’ environment, where acting ‘connected and friendly’ should really be added to most escort’s service list. If you are a ghost or are happy with an ‘acted experience’ then you, my wonderful amazing friend, are on a glorious ride. If you, like me, hope to find a few friends along the journey, then get ready for disappointment. For me, disappointment is fast becoming a friend all on its own, but I will find you – my friend – and we will beat the odds. In the mean time, I am happy with the escort that can act up a storm, but I wish I could better avoid the scalpers and the stalkers.

Thoughts, opinions and experiences please. This time, with this level of controversy, there must be some of you who want to debunk my romanticism or shoot down my unproven logic from some more experienced perspective or point of psychological science. I hope at least this made you think.

Xx SP 28 March 2017 (article updated 16 May 2017).