Escort Rejection

Getting rejected by an escort – some thoughts.

No One Likes to be Rejected!

It can be hard to put yourself ‘out-there’ in any aspect of life. Asking for a date, even if it is an escort booking, is still a moment of possible rejection. Of course, that is nothing compared to being rejected after you have met someone, or later still, after you think that person has grown to know you. This article is an exploration of escort and client rejection.

Clients may make more gradual and subtle decisions about which escort(s) they would like to see, who they would like to see again, and who they simply don’t re-book. Most of the time, these decisions ‘hang out there in space’, a possible future booking, the potential for other outcomes, invisible and ‘open-ended’ decisions. In contrast, escorts control most of the ‘in-the-moment’ rejections. The ‘hard-stop’ end-points, where the end of the road isn’t a subtle thing at all. So let’s take a tour of some of these moments of potential straight-up rejection.

EmptyBedroom

When Does Rejection Happen?

Of course the answer is anytime at all. However for the purpose of exploring this topic, lets take a look at some interesting, common and less common, moments of cessation. Why rejection happens and what, if anything, can be done, or learned, from these moments. I am going to take a quick look at, social-media rejection, booking request rejection, booking cancellation, commencement of booking, during booking, after the first booking, after later bookings, black-listing, and other end-of-the road moments.

I think nine different points of rejection is enough for now. I have experienced more of these than I would have liked, you will have to guess which ones. On second thoughts, please don’t, although a little of my own experience is going to be pretty obvious within this article.

Social-Media Rejections.

This might be the ‘odd-one-out’ as far as escort rejection goes, as it can happen at anytime and clearly doesn’t generally happen to clients without a social media presence. There aren’t too many client bloggers around, so part of this section is extremely limited. It may not surprise you, that I get escorts sending me messages that they won’t except a booking from me because of this blog, it does however still surprise me. On the rare occasion that a message like this comes from someone I have met, it is a very painful rejection. On the other hand, the slightly more frequent ones from escorts I have not met are somewhat bizarre.

I guess it is a form of protest against this blog. Otherwise why would an escort, that I have never met or approached with a booking enquiry, send a specific private message asking me to never request a booking in future? I don’t know if prospective clients send escorts messages to say that they never intend to book them, but I guess that can happen too. Well I suppose I could congratulate them on their pro-activeness, letting me know in advance that I am not a welcome client – I guess I could call that ‘reverse hustling’. This is a strange example of a ‘hard-stop’ end-point, because exactly as intended, once I have been rejected, then that is the ‘end-of-the-line’. Strangely in this case, even before I knew that there was a ‘start-of-the-line’.

It does make me wonder whether any client should be on social media at all? What are the benefits? Some engagement, some help with selections and enquiries, entertainment, supporting favored escorts, information, celebration, other contact and emotional outcomes perhaps. What are the costs? Disdain and even hatred and attack, being classed as pathetically needy, time-wasters, white-nights, fanboys, slobbyists, and losers. I don’t see many (if any) social media active clients being embraced as useful, beneficial, gentlemen, or for that matter in the class of quality clients that generally happens in other service industries in relation to supportive customers. I do see another reason for rejection. It is not surprising that smarter clients than me stay away from expressing opinion, feelings and observations – in fact staying away from any online or social media publishing at all. The public voice of clients seems to be a pathway to rejection far more frequently than it is a pathway to selection, or even acceptance and appreciation.

So let’s move on to other points of rejection. This first one is easy, if you don’t want to ever be rejected in the ‘court of social media’, then don’t be active in social media as a client – and if you are, be a reader not a publisher. I personally have an issue with this whole silent client dynamic, but you can be smart, clearly I am just doomed to more of those “please don’t ever ask me for a booking” messages from out of the blue. Of course the word ‘please’ never appears in these communications and no response is sought, as the message is usually accompanied with a simultaneous Twitter blocking.

Booking Request Rejections.

This is a whole ‘rabbit warren’ of a topic all by itself, worthy of further exploration another day. There are even sub-categories here: failing screening, being a jerk, poor timing, filtering by ignoring, collateral damage, too little information, too much information, and even ‘Force Majeure’ (bad luck or an act of God).

Let’s fly through them. If you aren’t really seeking a booking, you are annoying, time-wasting, getting your thrills, a 14-year-old pest, a criminal, or any other ‘non-client’, then you aren’t actually being rejected, you shouldn’t be here in the first place. If you are being a jerk, overly entitled, rude or a creep, then you deserve to be rejected – sort your shit out and come back as a nice person. If you are not a quality client, then you don’t deserve a booking with any escort – end of story.

The rest of this territory is about luck, matched expectations, timing and still more luck. There are plenty of articles on how to request a booking on Scarlet Blue and other industry websites. Most escorts put details on their preferred contact methods and other insights on their profiles or web pages and some even have online forms to make it ‘fool-proof’ for clients. I am not going down that road, other than to say: Find the instructions and follow them as closely as you can. That is the most likely way of avoiding rejection in your request to see the escort that you wish to meet.

Even if you have done everything right, rejection can still occur – from soft rejection such as ‘non-availability for that time, tour, place or booking type’, to laissez faire rejection where requests are just ignored, to hitting a bad time, a bad mood, or just being the next in line after a bad run of time-wasters. My suggestion is try again on the ‘soft rejections’ unless it becomes clear that the answer will permanently be a ‘sorry I’m not available’ soft rejection. Some rejections are just ‘no response’ – the reply never comes. Some escorts don’t respond at all when they are busy, fully-booked or away – does the industry loose any of these clients for good if they are new to the experience and it is their first request? Who knows. If your request was reasonable, well mannered and in every other way proper, and it was rejected harshly with a ‘hard-ending’, ‘don’t make contact again’ type of response, then look somewhere else. Either you dodged a bullet, may not be compatible, or it was just bad luck or bad timing.

I had one very aggressive rejection early in my journey, despite following the process and being very careful with my request. That escort and I have conversed on social media since, but I have never requested a booking from her in the many, many months since that response. Hard rejections are exactly that, hard, and although she seems like a wonderful escort, I have no intention of being rejected by her again. Maybe she dodged a bullet, maybe I did, or maybe she has missed out on a good client and I have missed out on great experiences – who knows!

Quality clients will generally respect the instructions of an escort, as they should. If those instructions include “don’t contact me again”, then that is what should happen. It might be worth reconsidering by all of us, how these hard rejections are given and who they are used with. Also whether sharing them on social media channels is good marketing to other quality clients or not. I have seen other ‘rejections’ play out online and thought – ‘well I’m not going there’, especially when it just seemed like a ‘bad day’ or worse, an escort joining in on a ‘client-hating’ thread. The social media rejection landscape works for (and against) everyone. I’m not the only person being rejected due to online perceptions.

Booking Cancellations.

Cancellations happen all the time. If you are a client and you get unreasonably upset with a cancellation, then you are a jerk, and not surprisingly the escort will feel they have dodged a bullet. If you act badly enough, not surprisingly they will probably share that information and you may find yourself ‘black-listed’ and rejected by other escorts as well. Take cancellations with good grace. Obviously if the escort is reluctant to re-schedule, credit any deposit against a future booking, or it is clear that the ‘cancellation’ is actually a permanent rejection, then perhaps another conversation may need to occur. There are necessary  ‘postponements’ and then there are ‘hard-ending cancellations’, they are not the same thing.

I have cancelled two bookings in two years, one due to illness and the other one due to another unavoidable issue, both with plenty of notice. I rescheduled the first and paid a cancellation fee for the second. In the same period of time, I have had twelve escort cancellations, three on the same day, and one of them half-an-hour into the out-call booking time – while sitting alone in the restaurant. I have never reacted badly, there will be more bookings after all, and for the most part the reasons were unavoidable and reasonable. As a client exercise good grace, be a Gentleman, that is better for you as a client and it is also usually rewarded by the escorts in question. Plus it is the right thing to do.

The only times I have been actually upset, and even then only slightly, was the ‘into-the-booking’ cancellation, and an interstate booking where I had gone to a lot (and I mean a lot) of expense and effort for a long booking, and when it appeared the reason for the cancellation was a fabrication. No one likes being made to look like a fool. Sitting in a restaurant with drinks waiting, having to cancel all sorts of plans and fly out early, these are shitty experiences, but I felt much better having taken them on the chin and moving on with the next booking. So many wonderful moments, a couple of missteps and the occasional cancellations along the way is nothing at all. Unless the cancellation is the rejection, a ‘permanent rejection’, then don’t behave in a way that makes it a permanent rejection or a story of caution for other escorts to be wary of you.

Commencement of Booking Rejections.

This is a nasty one for escorts and clients alike. No one wants to be ‘seen in the flesh’ and walked out on! This is ultimately a rejection of ‘physicality’, probably the only worse rejection is a rejection of ‘personality’. I am not talking about failing a sexual health or cleanliness examination, refusing a shower, payment issues, security concerns, or not honoring the client-escort transaction, safety, or something equality malicious or stupid. If that is the cause of a ‘walk-out’ on you, then it is entirely your fault, and you most likely deserve to be black-listed, reported or otherwise dealt with. Bad surprises, dangerous behaviour, lack of self-respect and cleanliness, fraud, deception, violence, rudeness, drunkenness and poor manners are all damn good reasons for a ‘red-card’ walk-off.

I have never had an escort walk-off. I have also never walked-off on an escort. To do this to someone, without a major issue like those discussed above, is a pretty low act. It is certainly a ‘slap-in-the-face’ to the other party, whether escort or client. Unfortunately I have heard it happen for very stupid and superficial reasons. If your reason is ‘your photos aren’t 100% accurate’, ‘you’re smaller than I expected’ or some equally ridiculous reason, then you are exhibiting poor behaviour, and although it may not feel like it at the time, it is the other person (often the escort) who has dodged a bullet. I haven’t heard of many escort walk-outs that weren’t without great reasons, I wish the same could be said for all clients.

During the Booking Rejections.

You can probably take most of the points from above as they relate to any bad, unethical, disrespectful or criminal behaviours. If you try to remove a condom or otherwise engage in unsafe or non-consensual acts, then you are at best a jerk, and most likely committing rape or some other crime act. The escort should leave immediately, take your money, report you and if the local laws allow have you arrested – these are ‘red-card’ walk out and go ballistic incidents. When I started as a client, I innocently assumed these things almost never occurred. The sad reality is that almost every long-standing escort has some of these sorts of horror stories. What bad things can, and sometimes do, happen to clients are nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the risks and incidents that happen to escorts. Any indication of anything like this, or even a bad feeling, should be enough for a walk-out and if appropriate a permanent rejection of the client.

There are other, less dramatic reasons for an early ending. By mutual agreement, due to unforeseen circumstances, or due to extreme incompatibility. Most of the time, the duration of the booking should be honoured, although maybe not in extremely lengthy bookings if the comfort level is extremely low. Conversations that lead to discomfort, drugs, religion, sexism, racism, world views, bad language and so on, should in my opinion be addressed rather than a walk-out. Both the escort and client should be able to say when and if they are uncomfortable with something. If the other party refuses to return the booking to what should be a positive and comfortable experience, respecting the person they are with, then I believe that quickly becomes a deal breaker. I have never experienced this, so I can’t know exactly how I would feel, but I would expect to be ‘warned’ before a booking is brought to an early close (with the exception of the red-card offenses mentioned before).

Second and Future Booking Rejections.

So now we are talking about people who have already met and know each other at least a little. There are a lot of ‘first bookings’ that remain the ‘only booking’. That is just the nature of the industry. Not having a second booking isn’t rejection. It may still happen in the future, it may have been a single moment and there may be many other reasons – something I explored a little in ‘Single Booking Sadness’.

There are times however where it is rejection. If a client writes a bad review of an escort, that is rejection, and in my opinion a nasty one as it is encouraging others to reject the escort as well. If an escort similarly tells others they disliked a client or black-lists them without sufficient cause, then they are also rejecting a client and encouraging others to do the same as well. This isn’t an epidemic by any means, but it is happening more than it should, by both clients and escorts and is not a good dynamic for the industry.

Then there is the decision just not to go back again. For the most part, if a client makes this decision, it is an invisible decision. There is a big shift here, that comes from the industry dynamic. For when it is an escorts decision, it may be another ‘hard-ending’ moment. For an escort, when a client makes that request for a follow-up booking, there are only so many ways to handle it: Ignore, Defer or Reject! Some clients will stop asking if they are ignored or keep being told they need to wait. The reject, although a harder and harsher message, may ultimately be the cleanest – depending upon the risks of the situation of course.

I have personally read some ‘lack of response’, and deferral messages, as an escort politely telling me they would prefer not to take any more bookings. Maybe I am wrong on a couple of counts, but I would rather avoid a hard-rejection if I were to push the issue. I would also prefer to focus on re-booking escorts who seem to have a genuine interest in seeing me again. This may lead to both ‘false-positives’ and ‘false-negatives’ in the sensitivity to ‘between booking’ communication, but it is an environment where ‘how we feel’ is important – it is a ‘feeling based fantasy’ after all.

Some escorts may have lost a ‘post-booking’ message in the flood of communications or due to technology’s imperfections, or simply not been able to respond. Others may have been too busy. Some may have a personal policy of not messaging clients. How these mistakes, behaviors and differences in approach affect client re-booking would make an interesting study. For me, as a communicator, maintaining some connection is an important factor, otherwise it is very easy to imagine that an escort would prefer I don’t make contact with her again, and lean towards others that I am in touch with.

Long-Standing Relationship Rejections.

Eventually, if you are a lucky client, a few bookings become many bookings. A ‘regular’ client-escort relationship has developed. In this environment, accidental or confused rejection is probably less likely. Rejection is real rejection, it is highly emotional and it is deliberate and for real reasons. I wish I could say I haven’t been down this road, but I have. The reality is that all client-escort connections will end. They will end due to the retirement of either party, maybe occasionally they end if the relationship moves beyond client-escort into some other type of ‘real-world’ relationship, or they end because one party doesn’t want to continue with the connection any longer.

Retirement isn’t rejection. Change in status isn’t rejection. A still active escort, or a still active client, calling an end to any further connection is a rejection and by this stage, it isn’t an ‘industry dynamic’, it is a personal one. This is territory where there isn’t a road map, as each situation will have its own unique sensitivities – with one exception. If an escort calls a ‘regular arrangement’ to an end, the client really has to take it as a ‘hard-end’, no communication, no follow-up, as without the prospect of another booking, any further contact is stalking and morally wrong. The irony is that this doesn’t necessarily apply in reverse, it is generally considered acceptable for an escort, where a client has called an end to a regular connection, to keep dialogue with a client who is still known to be active, in attempts to re-boot the connection. That is less likely to be considered stalking or morally wrong. Some strange things happen in this set of circumstances. The best solution seems to be – if either party calls an end – everyone should move on, as painful as that may be.

Black Listing and Other End Points.

All I have to say on ‘black listing’ or even ‘bad mouthing’, is consider it carefully. If you are doing it because you are hurt, then your motivation is the wrong one. Unless you are actually helping other people, rather than hurting the person you are attacking, then this is an inappropriate ‘hard-ending’. Of course if you are protecting other people that is a completely different story – blacklists and sharing of information in these cases is necessary given the many risks only hinted at in this article.

There are other endings. Disappearing is a concerning one, but happens from time to time – hopefully for personal benefit not as a result of falling victim to harm. There are also shifting needs, financial changes and a host of other reasons for a change in circumstances and ending contact. If handled honestly, these don’t need to feel like rejection, they can be explained reasons for discontinuing, rather than potentially leading to confusion and emotional harm.

This is an industry of first meetings, an industry of moments, an industry of secrets, an industry of experiences, and an industry of endings and rejections. Actually there are more rejections than acceptances, as the filtering process is at play all along the pathway. From enquiries and screening, to the ending of every connection that starts. If you play here, and it is a great and wonderful place to play, then you had better get used to rejection as part of the territory.

Thank you for your readership. I hope that I haven’t painted a negative picture, as all along this journey are the great experiences that come from taking a chance and asking to meet someone and spend time with someone. Loss just provides a contrast – bookends to great memories. I look forward to feedback, comments and views on this very big topic. Thank you!

Xx SP 24 June 2017.

Blue Moon Week (Pt-1)

Some experiences will never be repeated but always remembered.

Only Once In A Blue Moon!

This is the story of a unique 72-hours in my life! Everything was unexpected, everything was unusually special, everything will never, ever, be repeated again. This three-day period is my ‘once in a blue moon’ story, I can’t see me ever having a tale quite like this to recount again.

This ‘three-part’ booking recollection is not meant to suggest anything about escort-client bookings, as you will see this booking, and the ones to follow, are very special cases. What happened was unusual, I have no expectation of any similar experiences in the future, and these are not stories of how ‘escort-client’ bookings should normally proceed. This is the story of a rare set of exceptions to the rules, this is the story of what can only ever happen … Once In A Blue Moon!

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Blue Moon Week – Day One – A Long Anticipated Meeting

This was to be a first meeting, a long anticipated extended dinner booking. We had been ‘chatting’ on Twitter for a considerable amount of time, and the tyranny of distance had worked against us meeting, but we were finally going to be in the same city. The long-planned day had finally arrived.

I was very nervous about this booking. I think this was for a combination of reasons, including how well we had connected with each other online. Given that people often comment on the difference between Percival Blakeney as a blogger and Twitter persona and what I am actually like in person – face-to-face as a real boy. I thought what if she likes Percie, as a construction of Twitter and this blog, but doesn’t like me? Similarly, I had been excited by the clear intellect and very different perspectives of this amazing woman, but I was also anxious that maybe our world’s were too different, and we may not have enough of a common point of personal connection.

As the ‘real-life’ meeting was about to happen, I wondered whether I had built my expectations far too high – something that as we all know, can make the reality seem less than it is. I was nervous about my high expectations and I was nervous about living up to her expectations as well.

Planning Turns To Reality.

Our plan was a special extended dinner, we had selected a high-end restaurant for a long, slow, enjoyable conversation to extend on our online discussion and then retire to the hotel afterwards. A pretty typical ‘extended dinner booking’ plan. I arrived at the restaurant, took the table, ordered a cocktail (no surprises there) and started looking at my phone and the lovely view from the table.

As often happens for those of us touring, escorts and clients, flights, traffic, hotel check-in, taxis, Ubers and the general logistics get in the way. My lovely companion let me know that she was delayed. I responded that I had waited this long to meet, waiting a little longer was no issue at all, and would you like me to order you a drink? I sat, waiting and getting even more nervous because of the anticipation that surrounded this first meeting. I even had strange thoughts that she might see me, decide against the meeting and ‘walk away’.

We Meet!

Then another message arrived. In the rush, my companion had forgotten her bag and was out front but unable to pay for the taxi, she was unnecessarily embarrassed and apologetic. So I walked out the front and turned down the busy street and saw my companion for the night for the first time. She was stunningly beautiful, dressed in a thin dress, a woolen hat, and her beautiful fine blond hair moving in the breeze. She was in a heightened state of anxiety, standing beside the taxi, still looking graceful, beautiful and ethereal as the city moved around her. I hadn’t seen her face before this and I was struck by how beautiful my companion was. I paid the taxi driver without even looking at him.

We exchanged nervous pleasantries and started the short walk back to the restaurant. I had my arm around her waist and she felt and smelled the way that she looked, light, graceful and the most accurate description “extremely delicate and light in a way that seems not to be of this world” … ethereal. She quickly recovered from her anxiousness, stopped me right in front of the restaurant welcoming staff, looked into my eyes and then gave me a deep, long and full kiss. I still carry my ‘no physical contact’ upbringing with me, despite my efforts to discard it, and I froze for a second. Then I realised how amazing this moment was, let go, and enjoyed this surprising, warm and intimate moment – in full view of the restaurant staff that I had walked past just minutes before. It was a surprise moment, forever gifted to my memory for its strength, novelty, impulsiveness and power.

We Eat!

We were shown to the table, well back to the table in my case. Deciding quickly to go with the long, slow, time consuming degustation and matching wines option. We both knew already that it was going to be a longer than expected night. The food and wine was great, but my companion was far more amazing. Smiling, looking into my eyes, asking insightful questions, telling me about her life, teasing deep things from me and offering up those of her own as well. This person really knew me.

She had somehow seen between the badly written and often sterile writing of my blog articles. She had seen between the pendulum of my Twitter posts as I move between overly optimistic client content and overly pessimistic assessments of ‘what does it all mean’. When so many other people misunderstand this client persona, she had gone even further than I could ever have expected, she had already seen the real me underneath. We had so much in common, but not because of any special gifts that I have, but because of the breath of her understandings, experiences and her amazing personal ability to get to know someone – really know them.

The hours of the dinner passed in a flash. Conversation was not rushed but never seemed to stall either. We both got a little tipsy from the matched wines, there were serious moments, laughing moments, giggles and some sneaky kissing and touching. I’m sure other restaurant guests were probably looking in our direction dismayed at our lack of restraint, but to the restaurant’s credit, our service staff seemed to enjoy and support our connection. I think we left just in time, my need to be physically with my companion was getting very intense, a level of desire that I haven’t felt very often.

We Meet Again!

Thankfully the hotel wasn’t far away. We were in the room fast, out of most of our clothes fast, and then we met again, this time physically. It was needed, it was release, it was passionate and intense, but it wasn’t rushed. We made use of almost all of the hotel room and bathroom, for how long I don’t know, but it was late, very late, probably the better description was that we had seen in the new day and it was now early.

At the end, my companion started to shake a little, a subtle quiver in the dark, lying beside me and partially on me. She was crying a little, and asked if I minded if she let go and cried. I think normally this may have surprised me a little, and maybe even fed into some of my own insecurities. Here though, in this moment, it was completely natural, understandable, even necessary. We were both in release, we were comfortable and we both knew things about what the other was going through at this time in our lives. She cried quietly but fully for a while, and I did too. I don’t cry, like I really don’t cry – almost ever. I cried like a baby and it felt great. It was another form of release on top of all of the other sexual release and it was a beautiful closure of the date.

I have been crying since, fairly regularly as it happens. I think this was an opening of me, a permission, or some other catharsis that changed me and is still changing me. I can’t tell you exactly how or why, but it felt right and it felt important and it felt perfect.

We Part!

This was not a normal booking. I don’t open up like that to anyone. My companion had also made decisions on the way through the booking to let it be different, to let it last, to let it play out as it did. She left me slowly, kindly and in a caring way. There wasn’t much of the night left, I laid down on the hotel bed expecting to sleep for a few hours before the world kicked back in, and I had to reset for a work day. I couldn’t sleep, I was relaxed, calm, happy and at peace, but I was also contemplative.

Slowly wondering what had just happened, who was this person who seemed to know me and what I needed so well. The room was rich with the remnants of our sex, the smell, warmth and feeling kept me cocooned in some weird post-sex meditative state. I didn’t sleep and soon enough my alarm went off, telling me it was eight in the morning and I had an hour to get to a business client meeting.

This was not a normal booking. It certainly wasn’t a normal first meeting. It isn’t representative of anything that came before and I suspect of anything that will come again. It was unique on so many levels, it was truly a ‘Once In A Blue Moon’ experience and strangely it marked the first-day of a three-day run of remarkable, unique, ‘Blue Moon’ experiences. I will write part two and three soon and although disconnected in many ways, it is an inseparable 72-hours for me – never to be relived, never to be forgotten and still transforming me many weeks later.

My companion and I are in different geographies and yet in some similar places in respect of a coincidence of our own individual life transitions. We remain in contact, we will be meeting again soon, I am sure sparks will fly and it will be amazing, but it won’t be, it can’t be, the same as this amazing first meeting. The focal point that this night played in a transformation of me is unique. It is still unfolding and is clearly a once-only thing. It is another escort experience that can’t be undone – I have changed as a result of that night and the two that followed. Thank you to a beautiful, gentle and deeply insightful soul who chose to spend a transformational ‘Blue Moon Night’ with me!

Thank you to my companion, as always, please keep speculation on people involved to yourself. Thank you for your readership. Please keep any comments respectful, we all know this is unusual and there is no suggestion that any other booking should ever unfold like this or any implication or excuse that it is OK to disrespect any boundaries, timing and the normal dynamics of an escort-client booking. Your own experiences and feelings are of course most welcome comments.

Xx SP 21 June 2017.

Learning Experiences

Seeing escorts has some surprise benefits and great lessons.

Some of the Extra Benefits of Meeting Escorts!

Something I didn’t appreciate when I started seeing escorts, was how much I would learn! I’m not just talking about sex or the industry, I’m talking about music, philosophy, pop-culture, the arts, food, travel, marketing, broader opinion and a whole host of other surprise benefits.

I have spent a significant amount of time on this blog talking about what I have learned and experienced emotionally – maybe too much time. That is part of my personal journey and no doubt a big driver for many clients. It is however surprising how much else I have learned and experienced – much of it totally unexpected.

RuinartChampagne

A Journey of Elucidation!

So let’s start with some of the easy lessons! I have learned that I like quality French Champagne and a host of other food and drink items that I had never tried until in the company of independent escorts. Some of these are expensive tastes, and maybe that is part of the lesson too. I have grown to appreciate spoiling myself and others around me to enjoy and fully experience a moment in time – make it memorable and make it special.

I like trying new cocktails, despite the entertainment value that activity gives certain others to laugh at my apparently more ‘feminine’ drinking behaviours. I think I may even ‘play up’ to that ‘dinner date reputation’. It is great fun trying new restaurants, new food and new drinks with entertaining, experienced professional company. I have discovered that I love Ruinart Rose Champagne, Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque Champagne, Dom Perignon and other fine champagne marques – especially in the company of escorts who enjoy the same wonderful drinks.

In fact I have also discovered, as someone previously limited to red wine, whisky, gin and occasionally beer that I also like Clare Valley and European Rieslings and some other white wines, good saki and a host of weird and wonderful spirits and global drinks. Especially when I am sharing the experience with someone who loves the drink or food that we are trying together. As a previously typical Australian male ‘red meat eater’, I have grown to like seafood far more and even enjoyed vegetarian and vegan meals in great restaurants – although I have no intention of becoming vegetarian myself.

Broader Tastes and Opinions.

It isn’t just food and drink, although you can see that they ‘loom large’ on my personal radar. I have also heavily sampled the musical tastes of the escorts that I have met. People in my ‘real life’ wonder why I have such a varied musical collection now, that includes what I was listening too before meeting escorts, but now with so many more artists. Disturbed, Lana Del Rey, Halsey, Hozier, Tom Waits, The Civil Wars, Dean Lewis, Desi Valentine, Selena Gomez, Perfume Genius, The Lonely Island, and even, god forbid, Kanye West have all been added to my music playlists thanks to experiences with escorts. Of course when these songs play, they also bring back so many emotionally charged memories.

I have watched ballet with an amazing escort who learned dance herself, experiencing the performance in a new way as I observed how she interacted with the experience. Theater, comedy, concerts, movies and wandering the cities of Australia with companions that helped me see these things through different eyes. New experiences, new perspectives and new opinions, that have enriched my life. I feel that I have started exploring the world once again as a ‘younger man’, rather than settling into the same old stale pathways that many of my real-life colleagues are stuck within.

The Effects of Intimate Conversations.

I am a talker, that should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog. I generally have longer bookings with companions who talk too. Those I have seen repeatedly and then regularly have shared with me their opinions, their values, their beliefs, perspectives and philosophies. I have been enriched by these so much, I couldn’t even begin to describe the detail here. I have heard and experienced more spiritual views, travel stories, survival stories, cultural backgrounds, career stories and of course sex-work industry and escort and client origin stories. I have changed my views, opinions and beliefs about so many things, that I doubt I would fully recognise the ‘middle-aged’ man that I was at the start of this journey. I simply do not see the world the same way anymore.

Of course in experiencing so many views, and they are not at all the same. Escorts may have many things in common with each other, how they see the world away from escorting is not one of them, their individual views and experiences are totally diverse and incredibly broad. So another result, is that I appreciate a multitude of viewpoints on quite polarizing topics. I think that is why the rush to ‘one-view’ on social media and the ‘this is how it should be’ conversations surprise me, because in one-on-one conversations, the views, opinions and beliefs couldn’t be more divergent. I love that I now don’t have a singular view on many topics, I see myself on a journey of discovery in so many ways, holding disparate perspectives and wondering which one I might ultimately end up holding and believing. Maybe I will always hold divergent and conflicting views on a number of issues, because I can now see different but still often individually valid perspectives.

Sexual Experiences.

I am still so early on this road. In fact with each passing experience, I think I feel that the road is even longer and that I am even more of a beginner. I am astounded at how little most people know about their own sexuality and overall, how this area itself is perhaps one of the least progressed explorations in all human discussion. We are still in some crazy sexual dark age, where the bulk of the world doesn’t talk, doesn’t explore and doesn’t question their own desires and pathways to sexual fulfillment and enlightenment.

I guess for me, one of the first lessons to this being an individual pathway, is how different every escort is. It is hard to learn ‘what to do’ sexually, as everyone is so different. So there may be plenty of ‘what NOT to do’ lessons to be had, but sensitivities, desires, preferences, physical responses and every other erotic and emotional state is represented. It is difficult to ask straight up, ‘what turns you on?’, but it is something that compatibility, time together and openness to discovery help open up and reward within developing intimate connections. Another interesting thing for me, is that I have discovered I like, and get aroused by, so many different things, scenarios and situations and I’m discovering more all the time. I’ll leave this bit for other articles, but the take-away is that this is a longer, more progressive and changing sexual awakening than I ever expected. It is sort of exciting to think that I still have so much more to experience.

Industry Experiences.

One of the final territories of experiences is learning just a little about the escorting industry. It is a unique and interesting place, so similar to many other personal service markets, but so profoundly different at the same time. I feel those that suggest it is unlike anything else are missing many lessons and market realities, similarly those that suggest it works like other industries, are also missing the massive points of difference and unique things about this variable, secret and incredibly diverse industry (or industries).

It is also frustrating, the level of ‘un-declared’ war that sometimes exists between providers and clients. A partnership at times, a war at others, something I spoke about in more detail in the my last article called ‘Siege Mentality’. My own treatment and some recent issues, made me feel ‘on the outside’ and tempted to write some darker pieces. I am not going to do that, I have decided not to engage in any ‘war’ or ‘dispute’, I can’t see how that helps anyone, and instead be an advocate for partnership and a voice for my journey and experience alone. I have described in this article how profound and amazing my experiences have been, how much they have impacted my whole life, my whole persona and my whole perspective. That is what my blog and my articles and my experiences are all about.

Even the negative aspects of the industry have beneficial lessons to teach. There are ‘experiences’ that happen every day around hustling, time-wasting by clients outside of bookings and sometimes by escorts inside them, secret back-channels and breaches of privacy, ethics, cases of extortion, issues of client and escort mental health, escorts that hate men, clients that hate and abuse escorts, people who abuse the system, the effect of poorly conceived laws and inconsistencies, crimes against escorts (mostly by men but sometimes by other escorts), in-fighting, jealousy, envy, manipulation, two-faced behaviours, passive aggressiveness, escorts managing and pimping other new escorts, chasing escorts for other business interests, the massive recent influx of new escorts, falseness, negligence, criminality and the dynamics of what quieter periods do to the overall health of the industry, and so on, and so on, and so on. Anyone who has been around for a while, sees some of these things and more – it is a big and very human industry after all. This paragraph is the end of my negativity, it is a expression of some of the things that have played on my mind in recent times, and with this admission, they are gone. This blog is returning to my experiences, my lessons, my journey and a celebration of why I am here and what is great about the industry.

I intend to stick firmly within the territory of what is great about my experiences and why I continue, despite some truly negative elements, to be an active client of escorts and seek out the richness of experience that this industry and this journey has to offer.

Thank you for your readership. Next articles will include some booking experiences, some guest experiences – more celebration and just the hint of wrestling with issues and emotions as I navigate my own path as a client. The experiential benefits are just far too rich and rewarding to get caught up in negativity for more than a brief moment.

Xx SP 20 June 2017.

My End of Summer

Saying goodbye to an escort that I love.

All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey …

My long, beautiful, magical summer has come to an end. Everyone remembers their first, but my first was no ordinary first. I met someone, by good fortune alone, that was my personal angel. An old, old soul, but a young spirit, and what is even better, she was a ‘dark angel’, who better to take me on a journey of adventure. A long, extended magical summer of love!

I don’t know if it is possible to fall in love at first sight, but when she first walked into my life I was unable to speak, transfixed and the image of that arrival is still burned into my mind. This somewhat shy, bubbly, giggling and strikingly beautiful young woman, with steel and determination underneath, put me at ease immediately. My love for her has grown ever since. It was always a stupid, foolish, impossible love, but it was and still is my love.

AutumnRoad2

Now it is over.

Behind me is a glorious summer of experiences with this amazing companion, thankfully it lasted a long time and for a while, I felt like it would never end. Now I stand looking at a colder, darker, less certain path ahead. I don’t have my ancient, soulful, dark angel to guide me with her light spirit and her joyous touch. In the past, her words and advice never failed to bring me happiness. Pushing me on to great experiences and profound joy. Now she is gone. I am not exaggerating the depth of these feelings, this period of time was perfection for me. Change often comes quickly, and my personal ‘summer’ with her is over.

From start to finish we had twenty-one bookings together, I know that isn’t a lot for some people, but it is for me. Almost one-hundred hours spent together in each other’s company, and other glorious exchanges in between, there was not a single bad minute. The only regrets I have are that I did not tell her how I felt more often, and as I was also learning, I made some mistakes that hurt my longest-lasting companion along the journey. She took my short-comings and my slip-ups in her stride, taught me, helped me and most importantly forgave me – always with a softness and a grace that I hope I can learn to emulate one day.

What happened?

Her story is her own to tell, but it is a joyful end – she is moving on with her own journey in a positive way. Changing situations have brought our journey to a close and I am thankful that it is a happy parting. I can’t help but carry a broken heart at the moment – it comes from my own selfish loss of a connection that I had grown to depend upon far too much. Only now that it is gone, can I feel how deep it goes, it goes right to the core of my being. Those who know me, and some of you connected to me, you know that I have been a mess for a while – I am however moving forward in this new changed world, but at the moment, it is colder and darker one than before.

Others of you may see me as a tragic, naive and misguided figure. One of those lame, lonely punters who never got the joke, and fell for the illusions of impossible and pretend fantasies, created only within the confines of an escort booking. Stupidly thinking that something meaningful could remain outside of the paid experience. You are right – I am lonely, I am naive and I am tragic. You can hate me if you want, that certainly does seem to be a thing that happens to me as a writer in this client-escort world, far more than I expected, but I am getting used to, even comfortable with that experience too. The good news for you, if you are upset by my illusion, is that this pathetic middle-aged man hurts, the escort is free, and there is no more annoying adoration that she has to handle from me. The ‘beauty’ is free and the ‘beast’ is locked in his own self-made cage.

If you are more sensitive to my perspective, and one of the people that cares a little for me, then please don’t worry, don’t feel bad, there is so much to be happy about. For one thing, I know that my ‘dark angel’ really does care deeply for me (of course others won’t believe that, but I know it in my heart). Our parting as absent friends, lets me look back on all of our experiences together, and there were so, so, many of them, with sublime joy. I will never forget this ‘first summer’ of mine, and that of course was the whole point of spending so much time with someone who was just perfect for me. I hope that she will remember with some fondness little parts of our experiences together too. I hope that in future she remembers me with one-hundredth of the intensity that I will remember her.

In addition, I have seen how many other people have a soft spot for me in their hearts. I have never been such an emotional mess before in my life, and one new experience for me, is seeing people step forward with love and care – that is such a gift. I am humbled and emotional about that too. Thank you my friends. There have been some amazingly lovely escorts, and some other contacts who know these feelings, who have helped drag me out of this low place in my life.

This period has been an emotional storm. Some other real-life dramas just happened to be playing out at the same time. Just to make sure that I never forget the depths of this period, I also mistakenly thought that a second escort that I love was disappearing from my life as well. My two impossible fantasies were disappearing at exactly the same time. For a short and sharp period, I felt as though I had been shot, stabbed and dropped into a well, and then it was sealed up over the top of me with no light coming in. It is amazing how you read (or misread) things when you are already down low. That light has returned, my darkest days are gone. What I know now most of all is how lucky, and I mean perhaps the luckiest man alive, I am to have seen the care of so many people, and still be left with the most wonderful memories of ‘days in the sun’ with my Dark Angel, my muse, and my font of adventure. I will always love her, but I can move on with memories of our amazing times together.

So where to from here?

Firstly I hope that her journey is so grand, so wonderful that it is deserving of her – I want everything in the world for her. I want more for her than anyone else I know outside of my own children. Secondly, I am happy! The road ahead is a little unclear, but I have people to hang onto, guide me, and be in my life for the next chapter – there will be another summer and it may not be that far away at all. If my Dark Angel returns, then I will always, always be here for her with open arms. I am also cherishing other people in my life too, who have already shown me the quality of their soul and the lightness of their spirit. This journey has shown me some amazing, loving and brilliant people that I also want to be in my life. I am moving towards them and I hope that they want me in their lives too.

For a little while I thought about my own ‘retirement’. I seriously contemplated giving up this journey, stopping writing this blog, leaving Twitter and trying some completely new and different chapter in my life. I don’t know how the future will play out, and I am far more impulsive and reactive at the moment than I would like – just another emotional work in progress for me as a growing and hurting person. For now I see this blog, and my increasing level of comfort with this crazy Percie Blakeney persona (me with another name) as a likely part of my next ‘summer’ – for now at least. Besides, I can’t mothball this crazy, weird blog yet, because the memories, threads and emotions of my Dark Angel are woven through its every page. I will remember my first escort forever, my first summer and the strength that was offered to me by others when the leaves turned brown. (OK now if you must play the song – here it is, or this ‘sketch version’ if you would prefer a laugh).

The real song that tells the story of my companion, far better than this blog article does, is ‘Ride’ by Lana Del Rey, introduced to me by my Dark Angel herself. I highly recommend listening to it in full, loud and in a dark room. I can’t listen to it just at the moment without becoming a blubbering mess – I really have become an emotional wreck lately. I don’t even recognise myself sometimes, I like the new more emotionally connected me, but being so emotional can also be much harder at times.

There is a light ahead and it is getting stronger, but I will never forget how I got here. Thank you so much my love, I owe you everything! To those that are supporting me now, I love you, owe you and thank you so much too!

If you know or can guess the identity of this person, and the same applies with every article, please respect that this is meant to be anonymous and treat this as a work of fiction with fictional characters. Her story, her path, her future are her own. Please do not name her in any comments or social media.

Thank you so much everyone who has helped me – I don’t think you will ever know how much that means to me – I love so many of you (and now I have a thank-you page too). The richness, variety and lessons you give astound me so much – I can’t believe how much life I have discovered on this journey. Finally thank you again to the readers who put up with my silly blog. To the small few who really care for me, you know who you are, thank you so much – you have put my broken heart back together. I know many people hate hearing that the ‘paid escort-client’ relationships can be this rich and full of feeling – but they can and sometimes they are – and they can still be bounded by business and professional respect.

Xx SP 8 June 2017 (article updated 25 June 2017).

Why Multiple Escorts?

The reasons why I book more than one escort.

Why would a client see more than one escort?

The flippant answer would be, because they can! Once someone (once again, I am talking about me), decides to book an escort, the other question would be: Why wouldn’t someone see as many beautiful, amazing and unique escorts as they can, as often as they can?

Of course I could make analogous arguments about different fine dining cuisines, trying different wines and whiskeys, or anything else we do in our lives that we enjoy in both the act and the variety. They may be sound arguments on one level, but here we are talking about people. So I am simply going to explain my current reasons for seeing multiple escorts and see what you think.

ScotchBottles

The first-time, the tenth-time and the last-time!

I actually had to stop writing and go for a walk after writing the words ‘last-time’. I will come to the reason for that in a minute, but I can already tell this is going to be a surprisingly hard blog article for me to write as there have been too many ‘last times’, and maybe that is an argument in itself for seeing more than one escort. For now, lets start with adrenaline and excitement.

The excitement of meeting someone new.

There is an adrenaline rush to seeing someone for the first time. The build-up, the novelty, the surprise and the unknown, all come together and make the first booking special in its own way. I have written about how I choose a first booking in ‘Virtual, Physical, and Cerebral’, the online processes of discovery, making choices, and the progression to re-booking and seeing escorts regularly.

The opposite side of novelty and excitement, is leaving little orphan-dates or escort ‘one-night stands’, behind you. It may surprise some people to know that I feel regret, sadness and melancholy at the idea of seeing certain escorts only once. I addressed this in the piece on ‘Single Booking Sadness’. Some clients see all of their escort bookings only once. Their whole exercise is experiencing the novelty, newness and adrenaline rush. I couldn’t do that, the excitement of a first time booking is one reason for seeing multiple escorts, but the feeling of ‘sequel stories remaining untold’, is actually reducing the number of new escorts that I see. I have strong regrets for not seeing a number of these amazing women again – at least up until now. Despite that, excitement, adrenaline and attraction still mean that a ‘first-booking’ remains one good reason for seeing multiple escorts.

Meeting someone for the ‘tenth-time’.

Then there are the individual journeys. There is in my mind, no point in even calling these ‘client-escort’ relationships, as they are unique in every way. The one common thing is that they are still a transaction. The ‘business’ and the livelihood of the escort must be respected and honoured at all times. So along with that comes time limits, rules of conduct and constraints around time-wasting and unfair and unrealistic expectations. At the same time the dynamic is completely different in every case. Completely different as each relationship and what we get from each other varies dramatically.

I have spoken in connection with ‘developing relationships’ more than on any other topic. How repeat and regular connections come about in ‘Making It Regular’. How we can hurt each other in ‘Hurt Feelings’. How these developing relationships can go wrong in ‘What Went Wrong?’, and ‘Escort Relationship Breakdowns’. Even the light-hearted take on chasing escorts that are extra-special in ‘Chasing Unicorns’. The reason for seeing multiple escorts, when it is connected to developing relationships, is as unique as the relationships themselves.

I see some escorts because I am actually in love with them or at least the idea of a continuing developing relationship with them (within the boundaries of it still remaining a escort-client transaction). I guess it is a ‘love of our moments together’, rather than a more traditional relationship. I know that this isn’t necessarily a healthy thing, but the heart wants what the heart wants. I agonize about this, the appropriateness of these feelings, as well as how to manage them and not drive the adored escort away. Some of the hardest articles for me to write were ‘Loving an Escort’, and ‘Friends and Lovers’, both heavily loaded with thinking about these powerful and consuming connections. The hardest of all was ‘My End of Summer’ detailing the end of a long connection of bookings with a regular – always respecting the ‘business’ and the escort transaction. I have no choice really, I need to keep seeing these escorts for as long as they will continue to have me, knowing all along that the end will arrive at some point.

Heading towards the ‘tenth-time’.

Then there are other great women who I am earlier on the journey with, or have a different connection with. Some offer a unique or different experience to other escorts that I see. Even classing these differences as client-escort relationships completely misses the points of different. Some are enormous fun, light-hearted and experiential. Others are deeper, mystical, spiritual and intellectual. Others are raw, and can even feel slightly dangerous and edgy. Some are simply the most amazing people, and I just feel blessed to be in their company for a small amount of time. How can anyone give up on the breadth, joy, depth and intensity of these experiences.

I imagine, but don’t obviously know, that it must be similar in some ways for some escorts thinking about their clients. Maybe they have a favorite and maybe they don’t. Surely, it is true that different clients also bring different experiences to the escorts that they meet. On one level it is the multiplicity of various and different contacts that makes the whole escort-client world such an amazing one. The fact that we are all enriched by different and intimate relationships with a range of people is one of the most wonderful things about the whole escort industry.

Meeting someone for the last-time!

The easy thing to say here is that one reason for seeing multiple escorts is so that if the relationship fails, or the escort retires, or if they are unavailable, then bookings and experiences can continue. That is pretty obvious, but of course a client could just start again with a new escort and new experiences.

As anyone who has been following this blog knows, I have lost some connections that were important to me. There are reasons for this, but the fact that we are no longer in each others lives, even for the brief moments that the escort-client dynamic offers, still hurts. I spoke about ‘Staying in the Moment’ and believe what I wrote, however the power of those moments, and those moments lost, still impacts and haunts me. One reason for seeing more than one escort, is that the ‘pain’ is reduced by the connection and enjoyment of being in the life of someone else. Having another ‘escort-client connection’ that is offering joy, when another is still delivering pain.

I am fortunate beyond my wildest dreams that there are some escorts who care about me enough to check that I am OK, make me laugh, share their thoughts and simply give me joy. I hope that I am giving them at least a little of the same in return, because this amazing roller-coaster is wonderful and awful to us all, all at the same time. As I have said before, whether I am having a ‘mind-blowingly’ amazing day, or a down day, at least since I started on this journey, I know that I’m alive.

So why stop seeing multiple escorts?

Fairly recently I have had a scare or two. If you read my blog regularly, you will know that it was the ‘end of the line’ with one amazing escort and I also mistakenly thought that I was not going to be able to see someone else again. It came out of the blue, and it hit me in the chest like a clamp. I was reduced to tears and I still get emotional when I think about that moment. For those who know me, it was one of the reasons my writing and my Twitter behaviour was a little ‘all over the place’, and perhaps a bit darker than usual. I was surprised by the level and depth that these events rocked me, it wasn’t rational, it was pure emotion. It certainly goes to show how strong the experiences in a client-escort connection can be, it is an amazing ride.

One of the outcomes of these events, is that I now know why some clients don’t see multiple escorts, or at least why they might stop seeing multiple escorts. If I was asked to be exclusive, not a real-relationship just a special ‘client-escort’ connection in the cases I just described, I might actually say yes. So I can see why circumstances, connections, relationships and emotions make people choose different models when it comes to the question ‘Why Multiple Escorts?’.

Recently I heard a ‘psychologist’ speaker talking about ‘explore’ and ‘exploit’ behaviours. The idea that in a new city, you go ‘exploring’ until you have enough experiences and information to ‘exploit’ that information. Trying restaurants until you find enough of the types that you like to start making regular bookings and going back to the same favorites. I guess this could apply in the escort-client world. Maybe my ‘exploring’ days are getting shorter, and my desire to build connections with escorts I feel connected too is increasing. We may all be in different stages of this personal journey.

I love what I am able to experience and the amazing, unique and wonderful women that have blessed me with their company. That is why I currently see multiple escorts. In a different universe, that I don’t believe I deserve, I might actually just follow someone who has stolen my heart. Or in this current journey, I may just choose to explore less and maintain connections with a few wonderful escorts. I guess I will find out.

Thank you as always for reading, I’m always surprised that any of you do.

Xx SP 24 May 2017 (updated 16 June 2017).

Addicted to Escorts

Exploring addiction to booking escorts. Why am I hooked?

Am I addicted to booking escorts?

This is an intriguing question to ask yourself as a client. Is this behaviour an addiction? Does this form of addiction matter? Do I want to change anything if I am addicted?

I am still relatively new to being a client of escorts, approaching two years of having this wonderful secret side to my life. I am also relatively new to being successful in other parts of my life. I have been told, by an escort of course (the source of all of the best information), that I exhibit signs of ‘sudden wealth syndrome’. My ‘addiction’ to escorts being a sign of this syndrome. That is as good a place as any to start this article, but I want to look at other aspects as well, and then ask the question again: Am I addicted to escorts and what does that actually mean in practice?

CashBath

Sudden wealth syndrome!

Sometimes called ‘lottery winners syndrome’, this ‘psychological phenomenon’ describes the stress, guilt, confusion and social isolation that can accompany a significant financial windfall or advantage. While coming into financial success ought to be a good thing, it can take a bad turn. No, I did not win the lottery, I am also not ‘rich’, compared to many people’s view of wealth. I have however been successful for less than a decade, after a life of hard work and a childhood and early-adulthood of very modest financial means.

Being able to spend significant amounts of money is relatively new for me, and some aspects of guilt, confusion and stress are, if I’m totally honest, part of this new life that I live (covered in some part in the earlier article ‘Sex and Guilt’). What seems like extravagant pleasure, does have a connection to emotions of guilt, confusion and social isolation.  Maybe I fall into the class of client that exhibits elements of ‘sudden wealth syndrome’, kid-in-a-candy-store, spoilt middle-aged guy, or whatever description floats your boat. Seeing escorts is however where I choose to spend a not insignificant amount of money. Most addictions ‘cost’, so maybe on the financial view of this question alone, my behaviour could look a lot like an addiction.

Mid-life crisis, or if you prefer, chasing after my youth.

I had a short-lived youth of reckless adventure before I got serious, and then the decades passed as I lived up to the corporate, family, and societal behaviours that I felt were expected of me. As I discussed in the article ‘Becoming a Client’, I hit a point where I needed to embrace some selfishness, some recklessness and some adventure. I needed to grab the last vestiges of youth before they were gone forever. This is not uncommon, it is often called, mistakenly in my view a mid-life crisis. I think it can and does happen at anytime of life, and this wasn’t my first existential analysis or change of direction. Not everyone who goes through the need for adventure and change starts booking escorts, but that was an important part of my journey, part of my existential crisis (who knows, I may be in for more of these as I get older).

So why the need for escorts?

I wasn’t ready for a potentially messy affair, the depressing game of Tinder, or a new relationship. I did however need, very badly need as it turns out, intimacy, companionship, confidants, exciting moments, and a journey of sexual discovery and youthful sexual renewal. That really is what I needed, and it is probably the best description I have written yet of why I see escorts. In our busy, stressful, sanitized and ‘contact-avoidance’ lives, I would suggest any single one of those things (benefits) could be addictive. Put them all together, and it is one hell of an addictive package. I have gone further in other articles and said – I simply cannot go back. Now that the genie is out, it simply cannot be ‘put back in the bottle’.

Shortly after I initially drafted this piece I went further on ‘Why Multiple Escorts?’, exploring why it is not a ‘singular’ affair with one escort or person. For now, in this article, that answer is simple and rooted in the source of this addiction. In some escorts I find elements of connection, friendship, ease of conversation and joy in simply being in their presence – I am addicted to them as individuals. In others I find sexual fire, new discoveries and lessons from the tension between different worlds – I am addicted to that too. Seeing escorts is not one dimensional, everyone is unique, so although I am addicted collectively to being a ‘client of escorts’, I am also addicted to some individual relationships for very personal, unique and segmented reasons.

The pain of addiction.

All addicts are in pain. Pain causes the need and the addiction. Removal or deprivation is also painful. Seeing escorts and classing it as an addiction makes sense in many ways. I feel a profoundly strong high in the lead-up to a booking and a crescendo in the booking itself. Some of these moments, as I have described in some of the stories here, are almost perfectly sublime – the highest of highs! In between bookings there is at best a return to a ‘greyness’, and in many cases there is significant pain. Discussed imperfectly in the articles on ‘Post Booking Melancholy’ and ‘Staying in the Moment’.

For some of these personal needs, there are other pains. The seeking of adventure, raw sex, sexual discovery and memorable moments are simple drivers for wanting to be a client. A client can have these, savor them, remember them, and return again when they are ready for more, ready for the next experience. The aspects of companionship, intimacy and heaven-forbid friendship have a different and more complicated and longer-lasting dynamic. The highs are progressive, the addiction lives beyond the booking, the connection is to individual(s) and not to a generic ‘client-escort’ experience or moment. As a result, the pain comes in a different manner. This is the dangerous territory of ‘self-destructive’ addiction.

Self-sabotage and escort addiction.

Imagine trying to make a friend of an escort! Stop and think about that statement for a moment. I am not talking about the role-play of a Girlfriend Experience (GFE), but actually making a real friendship. Could there be a less likely place to strike up a friendship, in a manufactured place, with age, gender, social and need differences. A place where money bridges these gaps, for the exact reason that they are gaps. What madman would look to build a friendship here?

In me, and I am sure in many clients, is a dangerous cocktail of ‘lack of self-worth’, existential crisis and a desire to prove something against these deep seated insecurities. While the level of need and desire might vary, many clients, us addicts, are seeking sustained connection almost deliberately in the place that it is least likely to develop. I have written pieces on ‘Friends and Lovers’, and ‘Relationship Breakdowns’, and you can see that I have a need for connection, intimacy and to be ‘liked’. I am exploring this in therapy outside of my escort experiences and in these pages on this blog as well. For this reason, seeking what I shouldn’t, where I shouldn’t, knowing that I shouldn’t, and knowing that it is folly, for this reason more than any other ‘I am clearly an addict of escorts’!

Do I want to change that? I guess like most addicts, it is a perpetual tension between yes, no, I don’t know! While I think about that, please let me see one of the escorts that I adore – I need another hit! I can see this also play out in my own engagement on social media. Sometimes I am together, sometimes I am stressed, sometimes confused – always wanting the engagement, sometimes for fun, sometimes for learning, sometimes for ratification and sometimes clearly hating myself and my weaknesses. Isn’t that the cycle of an addict? Or maybe it is all part of a journey of discovery – who knows?

This is surely raw, surely true and I hope it isn’t too much. It drained me to write this piece in its first cut – I was very emotional and raw at the time. In this re-draft, I am more philosophical, but I can’t deny the tensions and confusions that were originally written into this article. It is hard when you need to be liked to then say things about yourself that you know are not likeable. The little boy inside normally prefers to remain hidden behind the wall!

Thanks for your readership. I am not sure what I accomplished with this particular piece, but I hope you find something within it that helps with your own journey, after all, we are all on one.

Xx SP 17 May 2017 (article updated 13 June 2017).

Why This Blog?

Percival Blakeney on the reasons for writing articles.

Why write client-side articles on escort experiences?

This article marked my thirtieth (yes 30th) article since launching this blog. It is always a good time for asking myself … why am I doing this? Why does an anonymous and shy client of sex-workers, feel compelled to write experiential and topical articles on client-escort relations, a secret journey and issues connected with being a client of escorts?

That is of course a very good question, and there must be something different about me, because this sort of blog is very uncommon. I am going to try and tell you (and tell myself) why I am doing this, and also perhaps just as importantly, mention the things that are NOT motivations for this blog and its articles.

WindowParty

Why did I launch this blog?

The simplest and truest reason, is that I can’t talk to anyone! At the time I started this blog, I had been seeing escorts for more than a year, this exciting and secret world, that delivered me so much joy, had no conversational outlet. I couldn’t tell any family, any friends, anyone at all, other than very sanitized and private versions to the escorts that I was seeing. As great as it is to talk to escorts, our mutual role as ‘Secret Keepers’ (see separate article), meant that the boundaries of respect and privacy severely limit the nature of that conversation. It is fine to discuss the industry at large, some of our personal feelings and experiences and how our lives are playing out, it is not a territory for deeper and sometimes darker exploration of this now significant and important part of my life.

Yes, there are forums, there are other ‘get-together’ events and opportunities, and there are fellow travelers on this road. For the reasons you will hear in this article, most of those avenues don’t suit me particularly well. I’m not interested in ‘reviewing’ escorts for others, I am not interested in ‘dirty laundry’, I am not interested in a ‘position of influence’ in the industry or with other punters, and I am not interested in the majority of social events when I could be in a booking with one of the escorts that I adore. I do however need an intellectual release for what is becoming a major part of my life, and I do need to talk about my feelings, my experiences and my thoughts.

Motivations for writing.

I have written professionally before, but I don’t get to do the ‘writing leg-work’ anymore for other parts of my life. I have had aspirations of a fictional novel one day (nothing to do with sex-work). I find that I think and personally explore topics and issues better, when I write about them, edit my thoughts, re-read and adjust them, and let them bounce around in my head. It isn’t quite the same as a great conversation in many ways, but in others ways it can also be better. If it wasn’t published, as in a private diary, I would loose the driver to think carefully, analyse the thoughts, and think about how others may view my experiences and thinking. I also hoped to get just enough attention and support, that others would tell me what they thought, what they had experienced, and help me navigate my own way through these topics and experiences.

Motivations against writing.

I am no expert on these topics! I have had many bookings with a now significant number of escorts, and all I keep discovering is that I know nothing. So I am highly concerned whenever someone places me in position that I do not deserve, and I am not qualified to hold. I am not a subject matter expert, I am not someone that should be considered aspirational or inspirational, and I am not doing this to have any influence on the industry, on its participants, or even on my most devoted readers and contacts – this is a self-centered endeavour of personal discovery and exploration. As well as a relief valve for talking out into the void, out into the Internet, when there is no one else in my life that can fill that role of listener to my client world experiences.

I am also different when I’m thinking. I’m a bit darker, a bit more confused, a bit more serious and possibly a bit less connected. I am less fun online than I am in person. My biggest concern, is that the people I like and have met in this industry, won’t like or appreciate this side of me, this blog, and the waves it makes. I am worried because I have already created collateral damage, where these people who are important to me, reject the real me, because of the writer me. This has already happened and it is causing me a great deal of emotional turmoil. I have had escorts I have met and that seemed to like or tolerate the ‘real me’, tell me they can’t see me anymore and block me on Twitter. I can also see some other escorts, who still see me, are also concerned about this blog, and it has impacted our personal connection in a negative way. There are lots of well-meaning and reasonable escorts who don’t want client voices online – even the respectful, thoughtful and industry-supporting ones. More than any other reason, this is the one reason that often makes me think of deleting this blog and killing the associated Twitter account.

Other consequences of writing.

When initially published, this was my thirtieth article, I am not sure how many I have left in me, so the longevity and ultimate continuation of this exercise is a ‘big, open, question’. The tally is now 38-articles, and the pace has already slowed a little. I have also made more contact with other travelers (punters if we must use that word), and as long as this is about positive support, I am all for it, I am not however interested in private stories or diminishing any escort or other industry participants. I would however like to tell some of their stories, if the chance presents itself. Similarly I am interested in telling the stories of other clients and escorts, and other people’s stories where they are as general, confidential, non-threatening and supporting as I try to be with the rest of the content on this blog. The first ‘Interview With an Escort’ was published in June. That is all just a ‘writers interest’ at this stage, and I imagine the practicalities will probably stop most of that from happening.

I also get attacked. Not physically, but in the ‘back-blocks’ of social media. I don’t really know why? Maybe the difference of this blog is threatening or confusing to some who don’t know me and even some who do. Maybe I am a soft target for angst at clients in general or some other ‘hurtful demon’ that is plaguing the people who troll others online. Maybe I am a pariah after all, that is worthy of attack and living in some delusion that I am harmless. This seems to be an increasing issue. Recently it seems other industry sites are withdrawing from publishing client perspective content. Although I appreciate the place and rationale for Punter Planet, it just doesn’t fit with me. Since there really is very little other client perspective material, other than 140-character Twitter posts, I am worried that I am ‘out-on-a-limb’ and at severe risk of attracting the wrong attention and being ‘chopped-down’. I get that sort of ‘threat’ on a daily basis.

This is becoming serious, in the weeks since I started, the threats have become significant and sustained. Certainly it is nothing compared to what many escorts face day in and day out. Those threats alone are not going to make me stop. However if I knew that I was actually doing any harm, putting any escort at risk, or doing any damage to an industry that has been kind to me, then I would shut this blog down in a heartbeat. In fact I came very close yesterday (the day before this article redraft) when escorts I admire questioned this blog and my motivation. Worse still, people I have met in person blocked me. Worst of all, people I truly adore are clearly backing away from my account and staying quiet with their contact. I am feeling very isolated and that is the opposite of my desire to learn and to share. If this progresses, I won’t be able to just stop writing, I will have to stop being a client as well – as clearly once ‘blacklisted’, the journey is effectively over.

What is next?

I had intended to publish some more articles soon. I had some offers of guest articles as well, but now that there has been a lot of online debate, no one wants to take the risk of being the center of unwanted attention. I am also working back through the initial ones to give them a slight update, and ironically this piece was next on the list.

Now that the voices for stopping seem to be growing louder than the ones for continuing, I think it is inevitable that I will be forced to stop writing. I feel like a ‘small, needy, sad person’, effectively calling for support, but without some clear feedback from people who want to read these articles, I am afraid the industry has effectively spoken and client comment will stay within Punter Planet as the only surviving Australian channel. I however will be silent and I will be gone, to applause in many places I’m sure.

I hope that this, the redrafting of my thirtieth article, has given you a background on why these pieces were put here. If you were concerned, or remain concerned, hopefully you have some comfort that you are not at risk because of this blog. If you thought I had some crazy industry aspiration, then hopefully you can also see that is the furthest thing from my mind. I am a secretive, issue-ridden, confused and often over-thinking client who happens to have found joy in the company of the great escorts of Australia. This is where I come to explore the client-side of seeing escorts and without some support, the journey is rapidly coming close to its end.

Thank you for you readership. Please as always, feel free to share, comment here or on Twitter – your views and feedback are always welcome whether they are in agreement or disagreement, these topics are normally entirely the result of a spectrum of viewpoints I experience online and a level of personal confusion for me as a client of this industry. I hope that I have added some value along the way.

Xx SP 13 May 2017 (article updated 13 June 2017).