Growing Up

The journey starts to take hold …

I am an almost 50-year-old boy! Like a lot of guys, there is a teenager trapped inside, and I have been slow to learn emotional, life and important interpersonal lessons. Well the penny is starting to drop.

My almost two-year journey as a client of escorts is only part of my transition. It is an important part, and it has combined with some other difficult, painful and emotional transformations to teach me something. I am finally listening. Perhaps in some ways, I am finally ‘growing up’.

BestFootForward

Expectations of Seeing Escorts

I started this journey, as you can discover if you read ‘Becoming a Client’ out of a set of circumstances. I thought, after 10-years without real intimacy, and in a mid-life-crisis that it was about selfishness, adventure and rediscovering interpersonal intimacy. It was, and it wasn’t. I am not that guy any more.

My almost three-decade monogamous relationship looks like it is coming to an end. In the not too distant future, I will be a single, lonely, middle-aged and tragic figure. I would have expected to be looking for another long-term monogamous relationship, one that would see me through to the grave. That is what I thought. I wanted some memories before that declining last-chapter began. I wanted a bit of youth, some craziness and some sex and intimacy before resigning myself to old age and another attempt at an all encompassing monogamous relationship. After all that is what society expects.

That isn’t me anymore. I have new plans, and it is ironically the Escorts that I have met on the journey, that have changed my mind more than anyone else. Hotel bedroom and dinner booking ‘therapists’ that have shown me things about myself and shown me their own intimate journeys. Their desires, their demons, their lessons have helped me. They have also provided a mirror on my own issues and my own journey.

The Surprising Dynamics

I felt in some crazy way, that I could ‘road-test’ becoming intimate with a future soul mate by courting (seeing) Escorts. I know, madness right? I also felt that although the intimacy was purchased, it really was a ‘Girlfriend Experience’, again madness. So what has happened to me?

I fell in love. Of course I did, I was deprived of intimacy for more than a decade and Escorts for the most part are some of the most awesome and amazing people anyone could meet. Anyone who has read my blog knows that I have fallen hard (more than once). If I couldn’t have love, the I felt that I would give love, and hope for something to come back the other way. Anything really, just some care, some intimacy, some validation and interest. Also madness!

Despite my ignorance and stupidity, something that some parts of this industry depend upon from clients, I have been fortunate. In between my many mistakes, I have met some of the most amazing, and some of the most caring of people. Often, they have no doubt been frustrated with me. Head in hands, going “Bloody Hell Percie, what the fu^k are you thinking”, they have persevered with me. They have changed me. They have taken some real time and effort to help me!

My Friends

All of us meet friends in the most unlikely places. In fact, literally anywhere in our lives. Some friends and connections stick, and some don’t. I have been a very lucky client, as I think I have made a few on this journey. I know some clients write to me and say that they haven’t – and I am truly sorry if that is really the case. I have befriended a few fellow travelers. Perhaps more meaningfully, I have also been fortunate to befriend some Escorts. I have a friend in Sydney, we always have a great time together, and although we don’t see each other often, there are just too many things happening that we share for me to think that a friendship hasn’t formed. She is stuck with me!

I have a friend in Melbourne, although either of our eventual industry retirements will be a test, as I am a middle aged man and she is an amazing young woman. The same in Perth and the same in some other places, New South Wales, Queensland and even further afield. We are friends despite meeting in this industry, rather than because of it. I have also lost contacts I had mistakenly thought were friends. For a while that made me believe that every industry contact would end when the money stopped. Now I realise that is true in most cases, but it isn’t always true or some unavoidable rule.

In the situation where the money stops, and any artifice of friendship ends, if there is something else shared, a valuable exchange of another type between people, then a different future connection emerges. The possibility of a friendship that started within the moments together of an Escort-Client relationship. Some endings hurt as the reality becomes apparent. Now however I know, that in some rare and special cases, other connections will continue. I believe I now have a more mature engagement with this reality.

My Lovers

I don’t believe any of my paid companions love me. Sure I love some of them, but that is the nature of the industry, the gap between client love and escort accommodation of their clients, is the payment and the industry, that lets this dynamic and temporary reality happen in the first place. I will take friendship, and failing that, remembered experiences, as my wonderful result of this journey.

When I am single, I will be once again looking for love. I feel that I am now better prepared for this part of my journey. The challenge will be that I will be looking for it in an environment where I am open, integral with myself, and honest about my needs. I will be open that I have been a client of Escorts, and I may well be again. I know that reduces my chances of meeting people, but that is the approach I intend to take.

When that period of intensity of wanting to be in each others orbit, with nothing else intruding, that initial honey-moon of interactions is over, I will once again want broader experiences. I will want to invite others into my life. I will want to maintain a connection while exploring others. I will want to see other people, paid or unpaid, in an open and honest exchange and re-engage with people I have already met on this journey.

I know that sounds like a fairy-tale. I don’t have that much appeal to win love even in a classical model, let alone in some future utopian model of open relationships. But I don’t care. That is what I am going to do. That is what I will try. I am not ashamed of being a client of Escorts (past, present or future), I am proud of it. It has led me here. It has led me to a person that I actually want to be, a person that I am proud of, a person that needs more than one other person that I am sexually attracted to to be in my life, part of this life, sharing some aspects of the journey with me.

I still have a lot of growing up to do. But I am not going back to where I was and I have some of the most amazing people to thank for this transition. Sometimes these people are called Escorts. To me, they have been teachers, lovers, companions. In a few, a very small few cases, they are my friends.

Thank you for reading. I hope your journey is progressing too. To those most dear to me, I hope you see your place in this story and what you have done for me. I thank you. I love you. I hope I can be there for you as you have been there for me.

Xx SP 20 September 2017

Clingy Clients

Dealing with jealousy and envy …

I have been known to have very strong feelings for the Escorts that I see. So I guess if you read many of my blog articles, you would class me as a ‘clingy client’ – that would be fair enough and hard for me to challenge.

I guess since I have written on this, I talk about it on Twitter, and I generally throw off that ‘vibe’, I also get asked questions from other equally clingy clients. I was asked one such questions recently and it made me think on “how do I deal with this ‘clingy-ness’ and associated feelings of jealousy, envy and abandonment?”

HarbourNights

The Trigger Question

So I was asked … “I need to ask you for my benefit, how did you deal with <Escort that I adored> being with somebody else intimately or when she flirted with other clients on Twitter. I am really struggling with my feelings for <Escort that he adores> and I want to keep that all under wraps, please tell me if there is anything you did that I need to know?”

Wow, what a great question. I don’t know if I have a real answer, because the challenge of sorting through feelings, positive and negative is hard. It is a journey that we are all on, and I am still wading through this very territory myself. Anyway, for whatever it is worth, here is my response.

Some Thoughts On ‘Clingy-ness’

I try to look at it this way. I would never have had the opportunity to meet her if it wasn’t for her profession. She would never have seen me, or continued to see me if she wasn’t working as an Escort, and if I wasn’t a caring, good client, that she wanted to keep seeing, as long as I kept being a good client and kept paying.

The memories and adventures that I have are some of the best in my life. They changed me as a person, they come back to my mind often, and they spur me on. I am getting fitter, healthier (in mind and body) and trying to be a better man, in a very large part because of her. To be worthy of more experiences like that, and maybe one day to have experiences like that with a woman that I can meet, who doesn’t have to have me pay her – not that I mind if I do.

The fact that I had to share her with other men (and women) led to moments of intense jealousy and envy. Those feelings hurt, but they showed that I cared. I also hurt for her when she had a bad booking, or was down, or wasn’t getting enough work, or just had a shitty day. I hurt because she hurt.

When I was only hurting because I hurt, missing her, jealous, envious. I reminded myself that was because I love her and want her to do well, be well, be happy. I wanted a little part of that for me, when we were together in our amazing moments and occasionally in between, and that she wanted to see me again and again was most of the time enough for me.

I also reminded myself that she would not have been in my life at all, if she hadn’t decided to be an Escort, and if I had not decided to become a paying client.

Now that she is completely gone, I would have that back in a heartbeat.

Missing her now, is far harder than the occasional jealousy of another client or some comments on Twitter. I have lost all of her. But even then, I can’t be unhappy for very long. We had what we had for as long as we could have it. Special, unique, unrepeatable moments that will stay with me forever!

I am one very lucky man! Cling to the moments! Be glad of how they came about. It came about because at the time she chose to be an Escort and I chose to be a client. We all have to appreciate the things that allow that dynamic to occur, or all of those moments would never have existed.

Not really a solution I know, but a reality. Thank you for reading. This time I have given you something shorter, but I hope it has some meaning for you too.

Xx SP 13 September 2017.

45 and Out

Thank you and good bye!

Percie Blakeney Signing Off.

I have been struggling with my motivations for this blog and associated Twitter persona for a couple of months. To those who follow and know me, this will seem like one of those closing sales that never ends – closed, open again, closed and so on. Not this time, this is my 45th and final public blog article. It is a goodbye letter from Percie to you, and to me, the simple man who borrowed his persona for a short while!

My whole journey as a client of escorts in Australia has been an amazing one. The last four months of it, writing on my experiences, has been full of lessons as well. I have expressed and thought about topics of relevance to me, and I have seen what can happen, positive and negative, to public voices in an industry that has always been under siege. It has been a great experience, but it is rapidly becoming a nasty experience.

BookOfEtiquette

So why am I calling it quits?

At one point I was going to write some harder comments, but at the end, the only people who are likely to read this are not the same people to whom those comments would be directed. So the best answer is, the blog and the Twitter persona have given me all that I think they can, and there is little personal benefit to be had from continuing with them.

I have had a challenging start to 2017. In my real life, I have had a difficult year. Illness around and close to me, people departed and no longer with us for other reasons, and business and personal dramas – nothing that we don’t all face, and I am fortunate that my issues pale into insignificance compared to what many, maybe even you, are facing and dealing with right now. It’s simply that on top of that, I don’t need any more issues, and this account and this blog brings a set of unique issues all of its own.

It may surprise you to know that having a public profile as a client works against you not for you. A blog, makes this dynamic even worse. It becomes a source of stress that builds over time, being blocked, attacked, targeted and questioned because of an online profile and blog. I know every escort gets far worse treatment, and they shouldn’t, but if they are able to manage that, then their benefit is a marketing and financial end result. The difference for me, is that there is no end result, other than my own education and experience. The learning and advice is no longer enough of a positive to outweigh the negatives that come with this territory. Be assured, there are some very nasty negatives, from people who claim to be nice, honest, supportive and professional.

My departing thank you messages!

There are so many people to thank. I hope those of you dearest to me know this and that I have told you so. My thank you page on this blog is a pretty good indicator of how many people I owe a vote of thanks too. There are some people on that list, who have decided to attack me, rather than support me, but they are lessons too.

I am also reducing my involvement as a client (at least for a while). I doubt that will be permanent, the attraction to the experiences is just far too strong, but I need a rest and some other changes. I have some things to do as well that will help fix my other issues, and reset me on a better personal path. I will be seeing a far smaller number of people that I am close with during this period, but that will not be public any longer. I apologize if we have never met, there are a significant number of people I would really have liked to meet, but the reality of this change is that I am unlikely to see anyone new, at least for some considerable amount of time. There is even a good chance that some of the more vindictive voices have black-listed me and who wants to see a client who might write about his experiences anyway – perhaps you “dodged a bullet”, that is certainly what my ‘haters’ would tell you.

This blog was removed during July, but now the old articles will remain for anyone interested. The Twitter account will go into far more limited use. I have an archive of the blog (a PDF) that is available to anyone close to me, or any legitimate public industry platform that would like to use any of these works in the future. Be warned it is around 80,000 words and almost 160 pages in length – my personal cure and gift for insomnia. I will still be writing, but it will be private material only from now on, so that I can remember my own journey when I am in my dotage. I am privileged to have enjoyed these moments and I don’t want to forget any of them.

The Dark Parts

I am not your enemy! So often, especially recently, this has been how I have felt. I am not going to go into all the examples and details, but maybe think about how you class clients in general, and clients who are trying to be supportive of the industry online in particular. Also have a think about ‘who is the client’. When criminal behaviour, abusive behaviour, time-wasting, no-shows, offensive content and trolling are called by escort’s ‘client behaviour’, it places real-clients within a group that aren’t really clients at all. Everyone I listed above is a ‘non-client’ but they are spoken about as though they are. Real, respectful, paying, generous and caring clients have to deal with these stereotypes, as though we are about to do the same thing at any minute. The best way for me not to feel like this, is to stop seeing the associated social media, and to stay only in contact with people who know, trust and want to see the real me. I have been classified as a ‘hated client’ in some quarters and yet I have never done any of those things and many such ‘offensive clients’ wander around social media with impunity and even the support of certain escorts.

Customer service. A good client is a customer, a quality escort is an amazing supplier. Obvious right? I know this may not be a popular comment, but the level of customer service in general is not great, and from my experience it is getting worse. I have started to feel in some instances as though I am the supplier. As this comes to a close, I have had to cancel twice but I have been cancelled on more than a dozen times. I have paid for things I haven’t received many times. I promised I wouldn’t start listing things, but I can’t turn a blind eye to falling standards of professional behaviour any longer. The recent influx of new people includes some who are so entitled, what they believe should be coming their way staggers belief. I don’t think anyone owes me anything, but I certainly don’t owe some of the things that parts of this industry believe clients owe them. I will be sticking with people, nice people, quality escorts (if I have any forward bookings) where there is mutual respect and we fulfill each others needs.

Secrecy. Anything that needs sharing for safety, security and reasonable means makes perfect sense and should of course be part of the escort community. Sharing for entertainment, making fun of people, threatening people or just to tell a story is a breach of confidence. For all the Twitter traffic on poor client behaviour, everyone is silent on the level of nasty, careless and vindictive breaches of privacy that are currently occurring. Another area that is getting worse not better. I see males who have acted badly continuing on their merry way, and I see escorts who do terrible things to co-workers and clients also continuing with impunity. I can’t see this changing, but I don’t have to watch or see these people on social media any more.

The light parts.

The best experiences in my life have happened thanks to individuals who work as escorts and have seen fit to see me, have a moment with me, and for that time – really ‘be in that moment’ with me. That is the joy, the addiction, the memorable moment that is so joyful compared the drudgery, stress, pace and darkness of so many parts of the rest of our lives. Somehow, although that happens all the time when an escort and a client are together, it is not the vibe or impression that anyone would get from the volume of online conversation in this industry. The online representation does not match what happens when a good client and a quality escort are together.

Twitter has become a battle ground. Snapchat is moving human companions into digital content for consumption. Escorts are puling back to their online channels. Clients to theirs. There is nowhere online that isn’t starting to feel like ‘us-and-them’ territory. That isn’t what it is like when we are together – good client and quality escort in a wonderful moment isolated from the world. I have never felt like an ‘us’ in a booking with a ‘them’, not once. Yet that is how I feel online. Even the people that have attacked me, were lovely within a booking and made it a wonderful moment. That is how I feel when my blog articles are attacked by people I’ve never even met, who assume I have some agenda – an agenda they have created in their own head. I am going back to the physical experience of ‘two people’ spending time together intimately and dropping everything that feels divisive, leaving this hateful channel that pitches clients against escorts and escorts against each other.

Farewell

It is with huge sadness that I say farewell to Percie. This is an olde-world persona that was a lot of fun, even if not everyone appreciated being called Lord or Lady, by a dandy from the French Revolution era. Or a sign-off complete with the flower representing the ‘Scarlet Pimpernel’, Percie’s own anonymous persona. The literary connotations, period language, strangeness and of course the phallic elements of ‘Your Percie’ have been entertaining and a great distraction from all the other ‘shit I should have been doing’. I enjoyed being Percie for a little while.

Many of you have been so nice to me. People I haven’t even met. I will miss that. Almost everyone named on my thank you list, I will miss. That includes the people who no longer like me, I will still miss you. I only hang on to the good memories and I hold no grudges. Some of you I will be in contact with through other means, but I will still miss our interaction through this persona. I imagine some escorts fall in love with their own escort persona and find that a sadness when they retire – giving away that part of themselves. I think that is why it has taken me so long to make this decision. As I go back to just my real self, I will miss Percie, I had actually grown very fond of him.

For those of you who wanted this blog gone (or at least no new article) – pop the champagne corks. It isn’t really a victory, any time someone who is positive and supportive of the industry is shut down, that isn’t a good thing, whether you agree with their specific opinions or not. I will still read many of the escort blogs, they are great, and I would read any client ones too – you know, if there actually were any!

I have other reasons that I need to focus on a transition in my life. I spent a lot of money over the last 18-months, an amount many people could not imagine. My new pathway will include some selfish pursuits and sexual discovery, bit I also intend to re-channel that level of spending to channels that also benefit communities and other human endeavour. Other things that I can be proud of later in life, in the same way that I needed to rediscover my youth, my sexuality and some wonderful people – for at least the brief time that this part of my journey lasted.

Thank you so much. Be nicer to each other. Real clients and quality escorts are on the same side in most things. Please stop chasing the ‘real clients’ out of social media and from being a part of making this a far more socially acceptable industry.

Xx SP 17 July 2017 (updated as a farewell message 8 August 2017).

They seek him here, they seek him there,
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.
Is he in heaven? Or is he in hell?
That damned elusive Pimpernel!

 

I don’t mean to suggest that I loved you the best
I can’t keep track of each fallen robin
I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel
That’s all, I don’t even think of you that often

Chelsea Hotel No 2 – Leonard Cohen (Lana Del Rey version)

Sydney Client Tour Guide

Taking a client-side view of Sydney for escort bookings!

Seeing Escorts in Sydney – Where to Stay? – Where to Eat?

I am not pretending to be a travel reviewer, or that I know Sydney better than any other resident or traveler, but here is a slightly different take on Sydney. This is one client-of-escort’s opinion on good places to stay (accommodation) and good places to eat (restaurants) if you are booking an escort for an out-call dinner date in Sydney.

This is certainly not going to be a comprehensive list. I am simply sharing two-years worth of experiences on some choices that seem to work well for spending some intimate time together. My own view on how to have a great dinner booking with an Escort in Sydney – sort of a companion-article to ‘Constructing a Dinner Date’. Of course I will be interested in hearing other ideas (your recommendations) for more options for me to try in the future.

SydneyInsights

So What is the Criteria?

I apologize in advance if you are looking for ‘lower cost options’, this article is about having a great time, not a cheap time. Not that you need to ‘break-the-bank’, but when you are already spending a significant amount of money on a longer ‘dinner-date’ booking, it seems like false economy to try and save money on other aspects of the experience. Price is not a consideration on my list – it is about the total experience.

In addition, I am favoring central places, locations that Sydney or touring escorts are likely to know, as this reduces security and screening issues for them, and hopefully places that they like too, or would like to visit. Happy escort, happy client, great mutual experience, that is the aim here. I also favour places that are easy to travel between, long travel between hotels and restaurants is not a great idea within an escort booking – generally the less travel time the better – a short trip in a hotel lift is ideal.

Lastly reliability, flexibility and respect are great factors. As a client, you want somewhere that is reliably good, has flexibility to deal with dietary needs and food preferences, and where staff are generally respectful of the situation even when it is clear what is happening. You want to know that 9-times-out-of-10, it is going to be a good experience, so that the hotel, restaurant and other logistics, don’t get in the way of the rest of the booking. So here are a selection of my recommendations for a great escort-client booking in Sydney! I am keeping a few choices secret.

Let’s Start with Five Great Hotels!

Shangri La Hotel – a personal favorite of mine. The view, especially if you book a ‘harbour view room’, or even better a ‘horizon club – harbour view room’ (higher floors) is probably the best in Sydney – perfect if you are hosting a touring escort. The hotel is well located, large, open lobby area and close to many great dining choices, including it’s own Altitude Restaurant (on the 36th floor). The Day Spa is good, but not the best in Sydney, and the pool is also a great addition. The lifts are slow, especially at peak times, as there are a large number of rooms and the ‘Blu Bar’ also on Level 36 is a popular drinking destination. If you can afford to splash out, the Horizon Club – Harbour View Corner Suites are fantastic, with commanding views all over Sydney Harbour.

QT Hotel – if you don’t need a view, this is a great quirky and surprisingly decorated hotel – certainly a conversation starter and you may recognise it from a number of escort’s own photo shoots (profiles). The state room(s) are the best, but overpriced compared to other high-end choices in Sydney. The corner suites are probably the best choice. The hotel has a great day spa, no pool unfortunately, a great and very reliable restaurant called ‘Gowings’ on Level 1 with an attached bar, and good coffee from the Parlour Lane cafe on the ground floor. This is an excellent choice, especially if shopping, seeing a show at the State Theatre (only next door) or other restaurant choices in the ‘mid-city’ are on your booking plan.

Langham Hotel – a little out of the way in the rocks area of Sydney is the Langham – used to be known as the Observatory Hotel. It is a low-rise hotel, not much in the way of views, but the rooms are very large and have plush furnishings – very stylish. The pool is amazing and well worth a visit and the dinning choices on site are good if not great. Watch out for phone reception, it is terrible due to the location. Despite this it is a very nice, possibly even romantic hotel choice.

Westin Hotel – very central, just on Martin Place, the typical Westin room is nice, large enough and most have some views into the city. The better and higher rooms have improving views and the very high-end rooms are magnificent. The Heritage rooms, in the older part of the building are great and different in styling. For dining, the Prime Steak restaurant on the lower ground floor is wonderful (although not ideal for vegetarians obviously).

Sheraton Hotel – perhaps not as glamorous as the other four in this list, the Sheraton is big and reliable. It has a very large lobby with lifts well removed from the check-in area if privacy is your thing. The rooms are high quality if not awesome, and there are plenty of in-house and nearby dining options. The hotel is close to CBD shopping areas, Hyde Park and it is very easy to get to and from with a constant supply of taxis all day and night.

Other hotels that are worthy of consideration: Establishment Hotel (boutique and unique – not great for privacy however), Intercontinental Hotel (a little old in my opinion, but highly regarded and the newer one in Double Bay is very nice if you are happy staying just outside the CBD), and the Park Hyatt (overpriced and a little hard to get to, but with great views from most rooms back towards the city). At the lower cost end, Meriton Serviced Apartments (there are a number of them) are a popular choice with touring escorts and so is the Grace Hotel which is centrally located.

Now for Five Great Restaurants!

There really are so many choices, and it depends on personal preference, however here are my personal recommendations:

Bennelong Restaurant – at the Opera House. What more iconic location can you have than dining at the Opera House. The view is back toward the city and over Circular Quay. I have wonderful memories at Bennelong, so maybe I’m biased, but the food is magnificent (can’t always say that about other restaurants with views), and the cocktails, drinks and service is generally excellent as well. Always a memorable experience, especially if the weather is good and you can walk around nearby and soak up the harbour side ambience. Fairly lengthy waiting list for bookings. Also perfect if you are seeing a show at the Opera House as long as you have enough time for both.

Tetsuya’s Restaurant – wonderful and surprising Japanese tea house style in the middle of Sydney. A great, maybe even magnificent dining experience, it is a chef prepared degustation with a leaning towards seafood. It is a worthy experience for anyone and the food is amazing. You will need your escort to accommodate the time this meal takes, as this is not a fast dining option – the degustation will take around three hours and maybe even longer. Fairly lengthy waiting list for bookings.

Altitude Restaurant – probably the best view in Sydney for a meal and the food is still excellent. Perfect if you are staying in-house at the Shangri La. You can choose a degustation option or a two or three-course a la carte option. Great food, great drinks, amazing view. The staff are a little intrusive and always ask if you are celebrating something, so be prepared for an answer unless you are super honest, strangely they seem to think only people ‘celebrating something’ dine there. It is great when something is on in Sydney, for example the Vivid lighting festival. Bookings needed, but waiting time is not overly long.

Gowings Restaurant – at the QT Hotel (level 1). Is great and reliable food. Always well prepared, possibly the best Oysters in Sydney and plenty of wine, drinks and other associated choices with the bar right next to the restaurant. The only downsides are that it can be a little noisy, there is no ‘special Sydney view’, and couples are seated on tables that keep you a little separated. The staff are great and if you are staying at the QT Hotel, then it is a perfect venue. Very busy restaurant every day of the week, but bookings can normally be made for the same week. I have never had a bad meal at Gowings.

Cafe Sydney – another wonderful view, but not from every table. On the top level (roof) of the old Custom’s House near Circular Quay, this is a great venue and very conveniently located if you are staying at that end of the city. The food is great, the drink choices are great and it is a worthy Sydney experience for either lunch or dinner. The ‘balcony tables’ are probably the best when the weather is good (summer months). There is a short waiting list for bookings, so best to book a week or two in advance and table quality gets better with earlier bookings. The staff can be a little variable and in hot weather the air-conditioning isn’t always up to the challenge of the location – but it is another ‘very Sydney’ experience.

Other suggestions include: Felix (good food near Ivy Bar off George-Street), Kensingnton Street Social (very modern menu – bar style seating), Quay (similar to Bennelong, but in my opinion Bennelong is better), Prime Steak (lower-ground floor at the Westin). There are just so many great dining choices in and around Sydney, this list could go on forever.

Entertainment Choices!

Perhaps getting outside of the scope of this article, if you are adding an experience to a dinner or lunch booking, there are again so many choices. Cruises, shows, tourist destinations, shopping, festivals and so on. I am not going to make any recommendations here, other than to say this is best done with the escort’s own preferences in mind. Experience bookings (dates if you like) are going to be much better if you are taking an escort to something that they like. So perhaps discussion and planning to ensure the choice is something offering mutual enjoyment is the trick here. There is so much on offer in Sydney.

If you can’t tell already, I love Sydney. Hotel’s, dining and experiences, it has it all in excess. This is just my little personal tour, leaning towards places I have grown to enjoy and know well. These places are reliable and almost always deliver a great experience and a quality setting for a wonderful escort-client booking.

More than any other article on this blog, I hope that you comment either here or on Twitter, as I would like to hear your preferences, you favorite places, or just your bucket-list wishes. Perhaps I will add a list to this article later from all of the other suggestions. This is a bit of an ‘idea gathering’ exercise as much as it is about my experiences so far.

Thank you as always for your readership and engagement.

Xx SP 29 June 2017.

Client-Escort Karma

The impact of trading emotion for money – risks of burn out!

Trading Intimacy for Money has some Balancing Problems!

Money buys food, food lets you expend energy, energy lets you earn money, money buys you more food! That is the modern-day ‘hunter-gatherer’ cycle. In a similar way, escorts give clients intimacy, sex and companionship – an emotional ‘deduction’ – and in return receive a monetary payment. What happens when the ’emotional deductions’ add up? You can’t go without food forever, and you can’t go without emotional sustenance forever either!

This is going to be a very special and unusual article for me (Percie Blakeney), as the idea, and the co-authorship, go to a currently working escort that wishes to remain anonymous. This is a client and an escorts opinion – it is a co-written piece – and the entire credit for the idea goes to the escort, who like many escorts, suffers from an emotional deficit after giving so much emotional support to her clients!

MorningMessage

The ‘Swiss-Cheese’ or ‘Cookie-Cutter’ Effect.

My co-writer first noticed a particular ’emotional deficit’ effect after 6-months of escorting. Later, after discussions with other escorts, she found that the problem was common place. The offering of ‘companionship’ and authentic emotional support to clients, without a similar ’emotional credit’ coming back the other way, was leading to emotional problems and a sense of being ‘burned out’ by the constant giving. This giving may result in a financial return (earning a living), but you can only give so much of yourself without finding avenues for replacement, rejuvenation, refreshment and personal recharging. We all need emotional sustenance!

An Escort’s Example (from My Co-Author).

I came to escorting quite late in life and with great determination to make it work for financial reasons. I also gained a regular clientele very quickly including some very emotionally challenging clients. It has been said to me, that the experiences I have had, could send even a more experienced lady around the twist. However they have also allowed me great financial freedom so I am not complaining but simply noticing a particular personal effect.

I am by nature a very empathetic person, to a degree that is sometimes to my detriment. When confronted by a person hurt or in need, my natural instinct is to give of myself in both a practical and emotional sense. In my real life, this has left me hurt and in some very poor personal situations, it has impacted my life path significantly. Despite this, I still believe firmly in empathy and love as the two most powerful forces in the world. For the long term good of humanity, these are the two forces with the power to take us to better times.

As I began to escort I was struck by how many stressed and tightly wound up men walked through my door. I noticed how they walked in stressed and tense and I could actually make them relax and ease their state of mind quite deliberately with a calm manner, a cool drink, calming music, lighting and ears, above all ears. You may facetiously say it was boobs and bum that helped, but no I believe that it is the listening and nurturing, the caring and giving, that gives the most relief and calming influence to these men.

The intimacy created by the exchange of conversation leads to a far greater physical intimacy. In the beginning I noticed so many of these men were talking about deeper feelings for me and I wasn’t sure what was happening. I was overwhelmed. Several situations got out of hand emotionally and caused distress. I would feel and still do feel these waves of connection and empathy as I soothed and satisfied my visitors and I realised in time that each of them was taking a cookie cutter and making vacuous holes in my soul. My ‘soul’ was having pieces slowly taken from it, in the analogy of a ‘cookie cutter’ or ‘Swiss cheese’.

The ‘Out-Of-Balance’ Transaction!

I was giving to these clients, but only in rare cases was any care taken in return for my emotional needs. This is understandable as I was being paid for a service. But the thing was that I was giving emotionally in a very real sense, I had little or nothing in the way of barriers or emotional protection around me. I didn’t know how to have barriers. Every man was taking ‘cookie cutter size shapes’ out of me until I was more empty than full, just like a sheet of cookie dough once the biscuits are stamped out.

This left me, and has left other escorts I have spoken to, feeling hollow and needing replenishing. This awful feeling of neediness, which is perhaps one of the most dangerous places for an escort mentally, builds and builds over time. We look around for the emotional replenishment that we seek, tenderness, a kiss on the forehead, slow tender and giving sex, and sometimes it places us in the line of sight of manipulative clients who can take even more emotionally from our deplenished reserves.

Clients who play on this emotional neediness can be very dangerous. I believe this is where sadly some ‘at risk’ escorts lose the battle with their mental health. It takes great strength to reflect on this effect, and to see clearly what is happening to yourself emotionally. To take stock and learn, to be a giving empathetic companion, who is able to open the gates of intimacy and then close them again, and find ways to recharge and rebuild the spirit and keep operating within a healthy mental state.

Ways of Operating.

Many surf on the top of these waves successfully with a more emotionally superficial connection to clients. Those of us who dive beneath the waves into murky waters of genuinely loving connections, we can quickly gain very devoted clients and grow our business, but we also run the risk of this emotional cookie cutter syndrome. If we (escorts) allow ourselves to be become emotionally drained, then we can become so empty, that the hollowness makes us look for emotional solutions where they do not lie.

Client and Industry Responsibilities.

When you next see an escort, remember that if she is a certain type of private escort whose is deeply conversing and connecting, she is opening her soul on a certain level to you. Remember that she is vulnerable, not physically or because she is weak but because she is giving and loving. The emotional things that the client needs, endorsement, companionship, care, listening, connection, she is giving those of herself and may need some element of them in return. No one can give away their emotional reserves in this way forever without reciprocation and recharging.

Remember that as you enjoy from her the things that you need, sexual release, a shoulder to cry on, listening ears to hear your troubles, and arms to absorb your tension, remember to give back a little. Remember this is not simply a financial transaction, on a certain level it is an emotional exchange between two human beings, and to be the best it can be, it must be a two way exchange.

This article is one escorts story and one clients retelling and endorsement of what happens in the more emotional connections that occur in this industry, within this secret world. The opinion is that of a successful escort and it resonated deeply for me, so I felt it was something that might be meaningful for other clients and escorts as well. As you can imagine this was a difficult and emotional piece to write, so please respect my guest co-author’s anonymity in relation to this article and the opinions expressed here.

As always, thanks so much for your readership. Comments, feedback and sharing are greatly appreciated.

Xx SP 26 June 2017 (with humble thanks to my co-author).

Escort Rejection

Getting rejected by an escort – some thoughts.

No One Likes to be Rejected!

It can be hard to put yourself ‘out-there’ in any aspect of life. Asking for a date, even if it is an escort booking, is still a moment of possible rejection. Of course, that is nothing compared to being rejected after you have met someone, or later still, after you think that person has grown to know you. This article is an exploration of escort and client rejection.

Clients may make more gradual and subtle decisions about which escort(s) they would like to see, who they would like to see again, and who they simply don’t re-book. Most of the time, these decisions ‘hang out there in space’, a possible future booking, the potential for other outcomes, invisible and ‘open-ended’ decisions. In contrast, escorts control most of the ‘in-the-moment’ rejections. The ‘hard-stop’ end-points, where the end of the road isn’t a subtle thing at all. So let’s take a tour of some of these moments of potential straight-up rejection.

EmptyBedroom

When Does Rejection Happen?

Of course the answer is anytime at all. However for the purpose of exploring this topic, lets take a look at some interesting, common and less common, moments of cessation. Why rejection happens and what, if anything, can be done, or learned, from these moments. I am going to take a quick look at, social-media rejection, booking request rejection, booking cancellation, commencement of booking, during booking, after the first booking, after later bookings, black-listing, and other end-of-the road moments.

I think nine different points of rejection is enough for now. I have experienced more of these than I would have liked, you will have to guess which ones. On second thoughts, please don’t, although a little of my own experience is going to be pretty obvious within this article.

Social-Media Rejections.

This might be the ‘odd-one-out’ as far as escort rejection goes, as it can happen at anytime and clearly doesn’t generally happen to clients without a social media presence. There aren’t too many client bloggers around, so part of this section is extremely limited. It may not surprise you, that I get escorts sending me messages that they won’t except a booking from me because of this blog, it does however still surprise me. On the rare occasion that a message like this comes from someone I have met, it is a very painful rejection. On the other hand, the slightly more frequent ones from escorts I have not met are somewhat bizarre.

I guess it is a form of protest against this blog. Otherwise why would an escort, that I have never met or approached with a booking enquiry, send a specific private message asking me to never request a booking in future? I don’t know if prospective clients send escorts messages to say that they never intend to book them, but I guess that can happen too. Well I suppose I could congratulate them on their pro-activeness, letting me know in advance that I am not a welcome client – I guess I could call that ‘reverse hustling’. This is a strange example of a ‘hard-stop’ end-point, because exactly as intended, once I have been rejected, then that is the ‘end-of-the-line’. Strangely in this case, even before I knew that there was a ‘start-of-the-line’.

It does make me wonder whether any client should be on social media at all? What are the benefits? Some engagement, some help with selections and enquiries, entertainment, supporting favored escorts, information, celebration, other contact and emotional outcomes perhaps. What are the costs? Disdain and even hatred and attack, being classed as pathetically needy, time-wasters, white-nights, fanboys, slobbyists, and losers. I don’t see many (if any) social media active clients being embraced as useful, beneficial, gentlemen, or for that matter in the class of quality clients that generally happens in other service industries in relation to supportive customers. I do see another reason for rejection. It is not surprising that smarter clients than me stay away from expressing opinion, feelings and observations – in fact staying away from any online or social media publishing at all. The public voice of clients seems to be a pathway to rejection far more frequently than it is a pathway to selection, or even acceptance and appreciation.

So let’s move on to other points of rejection. This first one is easy, if you don’t want to ever be rejected in the ‘court of social media’, then don’t be active in social media as a client – and if you are, be a reader not a publisher. I personally have an issue with this whole silent client dynamic, but you can be smart, clearly I am just doomed to more of those “please don’t ever ask me for a booking” messages from out of the blue. Of course the word ‘please’ never appears in these communications and no response is sought, as the message is usually accompanied with a simultaneous Twitter blocking.

Booking Request Rejections.

This is a whole ‘rabbit warren’ of a topic all by itself, worthy of further exploration another day. There are even sub-categories here: failing screening, being a jerk, poor timing, filtering by ignoring, collateral damage, too little information, too much information, and even ‘Force Majeure’ (bad luck or an act of God).

Let’s fly through them. If you aren’t really seeking a booking, you are annoying, time-wasting, getting your thrills, a 14-year-old pest, a criminal, or any other ‘non-client’, then you aren’t actually being rejected, you shouldn’t be here in the first place. If you are being a jerk, overly entitled, rude or a creep, then you deserve to be rejected – sort your shit out and come back as a nice person. If you are not a quality client, then you don’t deserve a booking with any escort – end of story.

The rest of this territory is about luck, matched expectations, timing and still more luck. There are plenty of articles on how to request a booking on Scarlet Blue and other industry websites. Most escorts put details on their preferred contact methods and other insights on their profiles or web pages and some even have online forms to make it ‘fool-proof’ for clients. I am not going down that road, other than to say: Find the instructions and follow them as closely as you can. That is the most likely way of avoiding rejection in your request to see the escort that you wish to meet.

Even if you have done everything right, rejection can still occur – from soft rejection such as ‘non-availability for that time, tour, place or booking type’, to laissez faire rejection where requests are just ignored, to hitting a bad time, a bad mood, or just being the next in line after a bad run of time-wasters. My suggestion is try again on the ‘soft rejections’ unless it becomes clear that the answer will permanently be a ‘sorry I’m not available’ soft rejection. Some rejections are just ‘no response’ – the reply never comes. Some escorts don’t respond at all when they are busy, fully-booked or away – does the industry loose any of these clients for good if they are new to the experience and it is their first request? Who knows. If your request was reasonable, well mannered and in every other way proper, and it was rejected harshly with a ‘hard-ending’, ‘don’t make contact again’ type of response, then look somewhere else. Either you dodged a bullet, may not be compatible, or it was just bad luck or bad timing.

I had one very aggressive rejection early in my journey, despite following the process and being very careful with my request. That escort and I have conversed on social media since, but I have never requested a booking from her in the many, many months since that response. Hard rejections are exactly that, hard, and although she seems like a wonderful escort, I have no intention of being rejected by her again. Maybe she dodged a bullet, maybe I did, or maybe she has missed out on a good client and I have missed out on great experiences – who knows!

Quality clients will generally respect the instructions of an escort, as they should. If those instructions include “don’t contact me again”, then that is what should happen. It might be worth reconsidering by all of us, how these hard rejections are given and who they are used with. Also whether sharing them on social media channels is good marketing to other quality clients or not. I have seen other ‘rejections’ play out online and thought – ‘well I’m not going there’, especially when it just seemed like a ‘bad day’ or worse, an escort joining in on a ‘client-hating’ thread. The social media rejection landscape works for (and against) everyone. I’m not the only person being rejected due to online perceptions.

Booking Cancellations.

Cancellations happen all the time. If you are a client and you get unreasonably upset with a cancellation, then you are a jerk, and not surprisingly the escort will feel they have dodged a bullet. If you act badly enough, not surprisingly they will probably share that information and you may find yourself ‘black-listed’ and rejected by other escorts as well. Take cancellations with good grace. Obviously if the escort is reluctant to re-schedule, credit any deposit against a future booking, or it is clear that the ‘cancellation’ is actually a permanent rejection, then perhaps another conversation may need to occur. There are necessary  ‘postponements’ and then there are ‘hard-ending cancellations’, they are not the same thing.

I have cancelled two bookings in two years, one due to illness and the other one due to another unavoidable issue, both with plenty of notice. I rescheduled the first and paid a cancellation fee for the second. In the same period of time, I have had twelve escort cancellations, three on the same day, and one of them half-an-hour into the out-call booking time – while sitting alone in the restaurant. I have never reacted badly, there will be more bookings after all, and for the most part the reasons were unavoidable and reasonable. As a client exercise good grace, be a Gentleman, that is better for you as a client and it is also usually rewarded by the escorts in question. Plus it is the right thing to do.

The only times I have been actually upset, and even then only slightly, was the ‘into-the-booking’ cancellation, and an interstate booking where I had gone to a lot (and I mean a lot) of expense and effort for a long booking, and when it appeared the reason for the cancellation was a fabrication. No one likes being made to look like a fool. Sitting in a restaurant with drinks waiting, having to cancel all sorts of plans and fly out early, these are shitty experiences, but I felt much better having taken them on the chin and moving on with the next booking. So many wonderful moments, a couple of missteps and the occasional cancellations along the way is nothing at all. Unless the cancellation is the rejection, a ‘permanent rejection’, then don’t behave in a way that makes it a permanent rejection or a story of caution for other escorts to be wary of you.

Commencement of Booking Rejections.

This is a nasty one for escorts and clients alike. No one wants to be ‘seen in the flesh’ and walked out on! This is ultimately a rejection of ‘physicality’, probably the only worse rejection is a rejection of ‘personality’. I am not talking about failing a sexual health or cleanliness examination, refusing a shower, payment issues, security concerns, or not honoring the client-escort transaction, safety, or something equality malicious or stupid. If that is the cause of a ‘walk-out’ on you, then it is entirely your fault, and you most likely deserve to be black-listed, reported or otherwise dealt with. Bad surprises, dangerous behaviour, lack of self-respect and cleanliness, fraud, deception, violence, rudeness, drunkenness and poor manners are all damn good reasons for a ‘red-card’ walk-off.

I have never had an escort walk-off. I have also never walked-off on an escort. To do this to someone, without a major issue like those discussed above, is a pretty low act. It is certainly a ‘slap-in-the-face’ to the other party, whether escort or client. Unfortunately I have heard it happen for very stupid and superficial reasons. If your reason is ‘your photos aren’t 100% accurate’, ‘you’re smaller than I expected’ or some equally ridiculous reason, then you are exhibiting poor behaviour, and although it may not feel like it at the time, it is the other person (often the escort) who has dodged a bullet. I haven’t heard of many escort walk-outs that weren’t without great reasons, I wish the same could be said for all clients.

During the Booking Rejections.

You can probably take most of the points from above as they relate to any bad, unethical, disrespectful or criminal behaviours. If you try to remove a condom or otherwise engage in unsafe or non-consensual acts, then you are at best a jerk, and most likely committing rape or some other crime act. The escort should leave immediately, take your money, report you and if the local laws allow have you arrested – these are ‘red-card’ walk out and go ballistic incidents. When I started as a client, I innocently assumed these things almost never occurred. The sad reality is that almost every long-standing escort has some of these sorts of horror stories. What bad things can, and sometimes do, happen to clients are nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the risks and incidents that happen to escorts. Any indication of anything like this, or even a bad feeling, should be enough for a walk-out and if appropriate a permanent rejection of the client.

There are other, less dramatic reasons for an early ending. By mutual agreement, due to unforeseen circumstances, or due to extreme incompatibility. Most of the time, the duration of the booking should be honoured, although maybe not in extremely lengthy bookings if the comfort level is extremely low. Conversations that lead to discomfort, drugs, religion, sexism, racism, world views, bad language and so on, should in my opinion be addressed rather than a walk-out. Both the escort and client should be able to say when and if they are uncomfortable with something. If the other party refuses to return the booking to what should be a positive and comfortable experience, respecting the person they are with, then I believe that quickly becomes a deal breaker. I have never experienced this, so I can’t know exactly how I would feel, but I would expect to be ‘warned’ before a booking is brought to an early close (with the exception of the red-card offenses mentioned before).

Second and Future Booking Rejections.

So now we are talking about people who have already met and know each other at least a little. There are a lot of ‘first bookings’ that remain the ‘only booking’. That is just the nature of the industry. Not having a second booking isn’t rejection. It may still happen in the future, it may have been a single moment and there may be many other reasons – something I explored a little in ‘Single Booking Sadness’.

There are times however where it is rejection. If a client writes a bad review of an escort, that is rejection, and in my opinion a nasty one as it is encouraging others to reject the escort as well. If an escort similarly tells others they disliked a client or black-lists them without sufficient cause, then they are also rejecting a client and encouraging others to do the same as well. This isn’t an epidemic by any means, but it is happening more than it should, by both clients and escorts and is not a good dynamic for the industry.

Then there is the decision just not to go back again. For the most part, if a client makes this decision, it is an invisible decision. There is a big shift here, that comes from the industry dynamic. For when it is an escorts decision, it may be another ‘hard-ending’ moment. For an escort, when a client makes that request for a follow-up booking, there are only so many ways to handle it: Ignore, Defer or Reject! Some clients will stop asking if they are ignored or keep being told they need to wait. The reject, although a harder and harsher message, may ultimately be the cleanest – depending upon the risks of the situation of course.

I have personally read some ‘lack of response’, and deferral messages, as an escort politely telling me they would prefer not to take any more bookings. Maybe I am wrong on a couple of counts, but I would rather avoid a hard-rejection if I were to push the issue. I would also prefer to focus on re-booking escorts who seem to have a genuine interest in seeing me again. This may lead to both ‘false-positives’ and ‘false-negatives’ in the sensitivity to ‘between booking’ communication, but it is an environment where ‘how we feel’ is important – it is a ‘feeling based fantasy’ after all.

Some escorts may have lost a ‘post-booking’ message in the flood of communications or due to technology’s imperfections, or simply not been able to respond. Others may have been too busy. Some may have a personal policy of not messaging clients. How these mistakes, behaviors and differences in approach affect client re-booking would make an interesting study. For me, as a communicator, maintaining some connection is an important factor, otherwise it is very easy to imagine that an escort would prefer I don’t make contact with her again, and lean towards others that I am in touch with.

Long-Standing Relationship Rejections.

Eventually, if you are a lucky client, a few bookings become many bookings. A ‘regular’ client-escort relationship has developed. In this environment, accidental or confused rejection is probably less likely. Rejection is real rejection, it is highly emotional and it is deliberate and for real reasons. I wish I could say I haven’t been down this road, but I have. The reality is that all client-escort connections will end. They will end due to the retirement of either party, maybe occasionally they end if the relationship moves beyond client-escort into some other type of ‘real-world’ relationship, or they end because one party doesn’t want to continue with the connection any longer.

Retirement isn’t rejection. Change in status isn’t rejection. A still active escort, or a still active client, calling an end to any further connection is a rejection and by this stage, it isn’t an ‘industry dynamic’, it is a personal one. This is territory where there isn’t a road map, as each situation will have its own unique sensitivities – with one exception. If an escort calls a ‘regular arrangement’ to an end, the client really has to take it as a ‘hard-end’, no communication, no follow-up, as without the prospect of another booking, any further contact is stalking and morally wrong. The irony is that this doesn’t necessarily apply in reverse, it is generally considered acceptable for an escort, where a client has called an end to a regular connection, to keep dialogue with a client who is still known to be active, in attempts to re-boot the connection. That is less likely to be considered stalking or morally wrong. Some strange things happen in this set of circumstances. The best solution seems to be – if either party calls an end – everyone should move on, as painful as that may be.

Black Listing and Other End Points.

All I have to say on ‘black listing’ or even ‘bad mouthing’, is consider it carefully. If you are doing it because you are hurt, then your motivation is the wrong one. Unless you are actually helping other people, rather than hurting the person you are attacking, then this is an inappropriate ‘hard-ending’. Of course if you are protecting other people that is a completely different story – blacklists and sharing of information in these cases is necessary given the many risks only hinted at in this article.

There are other endings. Disappearing is a concerning one, but happens from time to time – hopefully for personal benefit not as a result of falling victim to harm. There are also shifting needs, financial changes and a host of other reasons for a change in circumstances and ending contact. If handled honestly, these don’t need to feel like rejection, they can be explained reasons for discontinuing, rather than potentially leading to confusion and emotional harm.

This is an industry of first meetings, an industry of moments, an industry of secrets, an industry of experiences, and an industry of endings and rejections. Actually there are more rejections than acceptances, as the filtering process is at play all along the pathway. From enquiries and screening, to the ending of every connection that starts. If you play here, and it is a great and wonderful place to play, then you had better get used to rejection as part of the territory.

Thank you for your readership. I hope that I haven’t painted a negative picture, as all along this journey are the great experiences that come from taking a chance and asking to meet someone and spend time with someone. Loss just provides a contrast – bookends to great memories. I look forward to feedback, comments and views on this very big topic. Thank you!

Xx SP 24 June 2017.

Siege Mentality

Why do sex workers and sex work clients act defensively?

What happens when we share a sense of victimization?

Society doesn’t like sex work. It doesn’t like sex workers, it doesn’t like sex work clients, and it doesn’t like the defenders of sex work! There is a perpetual human history of trying to shut down the world’s oldest profession, yet it never has, this is an industry, profession and human need that will never go away.

This means that ‘sex work’ and all of its participants and advocates have always, and probably always will, be under siege by the mainstream views, or at least the publicly stated views, of the bulk of society. This article isn’t about changing that, although I wish we could, it is about what happens to people under siege – what is happening to us?

ViewFromInside

What is siege mentality?

Siege mentality is a shared feeling of victimization and defensiveness in the face of the negative intentions of the rest of the world. Although a group phenomenon, the term describes both the emotions and thoughts of the group as a whole, and individuals being overly fearful of surrounding peoples, and an intractably defensive attitude (thanks Wikipedia).

Is the sex industry under siege? Of course it is, it always has been. Who is under siege? Escorts and sex workers most of all. Although the clients of sex workers, the defenders of sex work, and anyone who advocates for sex work, to a lesser degree, they are all under siege too. Anyone who sees sex work as work, as a valid and socially helpful industry and sees sex and intimate human interactions as being locked in some anachronistic dark ages – well all of those people are under siege. I am under siege writing this blog, having a secret life as a client of escorts, and having to be hidden from the world. If you are reading this, you are most likely under siege too!

Escorts under siege.

If you have read sociological articles or group psychology articles on this topic, I would love for you to point me in their direction. I have struggled to find much on the topic. What is true about a group under siege, is that normally there will be group social conformity, and lack of trust, and a preparedness to assume the worst in other groups (the enemy).

This is no doubt a topic better explored by others, if it hasn’t been already, and it is also a reality, not something that should necessarily (or can) be changed. As a ‘client blog’ however, I would like to take a short look at what it means for clients of escorts. In some circles, this is a symbiotic relationship, a partnership where the better participants make the industry work, and try to get along despite obvious differences. In other circles, clients are part of the enemy, even seen as worse than ‘non-participants’ by some people.

I can’t think of many industries, and this is still an industry, where the customer is so poorly regarded. The only ones that come to mind are other ‘industries’ that face siege mentality with the general public, and they include mental health, illicit drugs, police and the military. These service groups, also have strong threads of ‘customer hatred and dislike’ within their industry dynamic. Police often dislike their customers, as do drug dealers, soldiers and mental health workers. Not all of them, but enough to create a mini-war within the broader sociology of these group dynamics. There are some escorts who hate clients more than they hate the parts of society that want the whole sex work industry shut down.

What does this mean?

In a siege scenario, the escort group are always (and rightly) going to defend and support their socially cohesive colleagues, who are under the same public siege too. This makes sense, and certainly no one can know what it is like, what support is needed and help in more practical and emotional ways than fellow sex workers. There is however a choice as to whether other sex industry participants, primarily clients, are at the next level of industry cohesion and support, no better or worse than the hating public, or the worst of all – a necessary evil to be despised and used. This choice, like the framing of every group perception, depends on who is defined within the group(s), and how the groups are perceived.

Defining the client group.

There is a group of non-clients. Men and boys, who are either intrigued by sex workers and undertake unsavory activities such as online abuse, forum participation without experience, trolling, time-wasting, posting offensive material, insulting sex workers, faking bookings, absolute time wasting, robbery, and other versions of ‘getting their kick’ from the abuse and baiting of sex workers. In some circles, especially online examples where this behaviour is named and shamed, these disgraceful people are called clients. If they are called clients, then these disgraceful acts become seen as part of ‘client behaviour’. Something that colours the overall view of real clients who actually make bookings and fund the industry and behave appropriately.

The equivalent would be calling the scum-bags who steal real escort photos, set-up fake sites, and then try to rip-off clients or other escorts – sex workers. They are not sex workers, they are thieves. The group I have detailed above are not clients, they should also be seen as ‘industry abusers’, not as industry participants. They are out to harm the industry, not to support it. Clients by definition support an industry. The inclusion of these acts, under the description of client acts, leads to a mistaken perception around the customers of the industry. It also makes the ‘stereotypical client’ a bad stereotype.

Real clients

Real clients pay sex workers for their service and act within the rules of the provider and the industry. Of course even in the ‘real client’ group, there are bad clients, average clients and better clients. There are people with mental health, physical health, weight, cleanliness, self-respect, and other social issues. There are nice people and not nice people. There are clingy clients and aloof ones. There are wealthy and poor, nervous and arrogant, interesting and boring, lovely and awful.

This is the same for escorts, although the divisions will be different – there will be more quality escorts than quality clients. Why, because the industry, the money that funds the ‘gap in personal difference’ makes it that way. An average client, spends time with a wonderful escort, because the market and the money bridges the gap. Any other view is naive. So every provider and client experience will be different. There will be more ‘lower to average’ clients than ‘lower to average’ escorts, but that doesn’t mean that clients are bad by definition, or that clients should be hated within the industry as much or more than they are hated outside of the industry. We are all hated by society at large.

Are escorts and clients under-siege together or apart?

I feel under siege from society, as I have mentioned in this blog, I can’t talk to most people in the ‘muggle’ world about my experiences as a client of the sex industry. It is a secret world. Most clients I have met, and that isn’t many, feel the same way. There is some ‘client siege behaviours’ in forums and groups, but for the most part, they want connection with their service providers, their escorts – that is the little emotional part of the whole Girlfriend Experience (GFE). Clients are generally not participants in the industry to make connections with other clients, they are here for the escorts.

It is disappointing to me, and I imagine most clients, when it seems like there is an ‘undeclared war’ inside the industry. That outside of the booking, ranks are closed, clients are hated, and secret conversations about the enemy are common place. I have been called naive many, many times. In what may also be another naive opinion, I believe we are under siege together. We are not the same, the issues and problems are not the same, and escorts need their safe spaces, channels and independence from clients. Once that escort support is taken care of however, surely we (quality escorts and respectful clients) are better as partners in this siege. It will probably last forever, it has so far, and we are all hated, at least in public statements, by the rest of the world.

Mutual respect and support would be a nice baseline for everyone who is playing by the rules and has respect and fairness in their hearts. I just made a big sigh as I wrote that sentence, because to be honest, right now I am steeling myself for more hatred. The hatred isn’t coming from outside of the industry, it is coming from parts of the industry. I hope that I am wrong, if I’m not, I will gladly leave. If you believe what I have written in this blog, in this website, then you know I value the industry and respect all of the participants.

Thank you as always for your readership. Thoughtful comment and feedback is most appreciated.

Xx SP 14 June 2017.