Learning Experiences

Seeing escorts has some surprise benefits and great lessons.

Some of the Extra Benefits of Meeting Escorts!

Something I didn’t appreciate when I started seeing escorts, was how much I would learn! I’m not just talking about sex or the industry, I’m talking about music, philosophy, pop-culture, the arts, food, travel, marketing, broader opinion and a whole host of other surprise benefits.

I have spent a significant amount of time on this blog talking about what I have learned and experienced emotionally – maybe too much time. That is part of my personal journey and no doubt a big driver for many clients. It is however surprising how much else I have learned and experienced – much of it totally unexpected.

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A Journey of Elucidation!

So let’s start with some of the easy lessons! I have learned that I like quality French Champagne and a host of other food and drink items that I had never tried until in the company of independent escorts. Some of these are expensive tastes, and maybe that is part of the lesson too. I have grown to appreciate spoiling myself and others around me to enjoy and fully experience a moment in time – make it memorable and make it special.

I like trying new cocktails, despite the entertainment value that activity gives certain others to laugh at my apparently more ‘feminine’ drinking behaviours. I think I may even ‘play up’ to that ‘dinner date reputation’. It is great fun trying new restaurants, new food and new drinks with entertaining, experienced professional company. I have discovered that I love Ruinart Rose Champagne, Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque Champagne, Dom Perignon and other fine champagne marques – especially in the company of escorts who enjoy the same wonderful drinks.

In fact I have also discovered, as someone previously limited to red wine, whisky, gin and occasionally beer that I also like Clare Valley and European Rieslings and some other white wines, good saki and a host of weird and wonderful spirits and global drinks. Especially when I am sharing the experience with someone who loves the drink or food that we are trying together. As a previously typical Australian male ‘red meat eater’, I have grown to like seafood far more and even enjoyed vegetarian and vegan meals in great restaurants – although I have no intention of becoming vegetarian myself.

Broader Tastes and Opinions.

It isn’t just food and drink, although you can see that they ‘loom large’ on my personal radar. I have also heavily sampled the musical tastes of the escorts that I have met. People in my ‘real life’ wonder why I have such a varied musical collection now, that includes what I was listening too before meeting escorts, but now with so many more artists. Disturbed, Lana Del Rey, Halsey, Hozier, Tom Waits, The Civil Wars, Dean Lewis, Desi Valentine, Selena Gomez, Perfume Genius, The Lonely Island, and even, god forbid, Kanye West have all been added to my music playlists thanks to experiences with escorts. Of course when these songs play, they also bring back so many emotionally charged memories.

I have watched ballet with an amazing escort who learned dance herself, experiencing the performance in a new way as I observed how she interacted with the experience. Theater, comedy, concerts, movies and wandering the cities of Australia with companions that helped me see these things through different eyes. New experiences, new perspectives and new opinions, that have enriched my life. I feel that I have started exploring the world once again as a ‘younger man’, rather than settling into the same old stale pathways that many of my real-life colleagues are stuck within.

The Effects of Intimate Conversations.

I am a talker, that should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog. I generally have longer bookings with companions who talk too. Those I have seen repeatedly and then regularly have shared with me their opinions, their values, their beliefs, perspectives and philosophies. I have been enriched by these so much, I couldn’t even begin to describe the detail here. I have heard and experienced more spiritual views, travel stories, survival stories, cultural backgrounds, career stories and of course sex-work industry and escort and client origin stories. I have changed my views, opinions and beliefs about so many things, that I doubt I would fully recognise the ‘middle-aged’ man that I was at the start of this journey. I simply do not see the world the same way anymore.

Of course in experiencing so many views, and they are not at all the same. Escorts may have many things in common with each other, how they see the world away from escorting is not one of them, their individual views and experiences are totally diverse and incredibly broad. So another result, is that I appreciate a multitude of viewpoints on quite polarizing topics. I think that is why the rush to ‘one-view’ on social media and the ‘this is how it should be’ conversations surprise me, because in one-on-one conversations, the views, opinions and beliefs couldn’t be more divergent. I love that I now don’t have a singular view on many topics, I see myself on a journey of discovery in so many ways, holding disparate perspectives and wondering which one I might ultimately end up holding and believing. Maybe I will always hold divergent and conflicting views on a number of issues, because I can now see different but still often individually valid perspectives.

Sexual Experiences.

I am still so early on this road. In fact with each passing experience, I think I feel that the road is even longer and that I am even more of a beginner. I am astounded at how little most people know about their own sexuality and overall, how this area itself is perhaps one of the least progressed explorations in all human discussion. We are still in some crazy sexual dark age, where the bulk of the world doesn’t talk, doesn’t explore and doesn’t question their own desires and pathways to sexual fulfillment and enlightenment.

I guess for me, one of the first lessons to this being an individual pathway, is how different every escort is. It is hard to learn ‘what to do’ sexually, as everyone is so different. So there may be plenty of ‘what NOT to do’ lessons to be had, but sensitivities, desires, preferences, physical responses and every other erotic and emotional state is represented. It is difficult to ask straight up, ‘what turns you on?’, but it is something that compatibility, time together and openness to discovery help open up and reward within developing intimate connections. Another interesting thing for me, is that I have discovered I like, and get aroused by, so many different things, scenarios and situations and I’m discovering more all the time. I’ll leave this bit for other articles, but the take-away is that this is a longer, more progressive and changing sexual awakening than I ever expected. It is sort of exciting to think that I still have so much more to experience.

Industry Experiences.

One of the final territories of experiences is learning just a little about the escorting industry. It is a unique and interesting place, so similar to many other personal service markets, but so profoundly different at the same time. I feel those that suggest it is unlike anything else are missing many lessons and market realities, similarly those that suggest it works like other industries, are also missing the massive points of difference and unique things about this variable, secret and incredibly diverse industry (or industries).

It is also frustrating, the level of ‘un-declared’ war that sometimes exists between providers and clients. A partnership at times, a war at others, something I spoke about in more detail in the my last article called ‘Siege Mentality’. My own treatment and some recent issues, made me feel ‘on the outside’ and tempted to write some darker pieces. I am not going to do that, I have decided not to engage in any ‘war’ or ‘dispute’, I can’t see how that helps anyone, and instead be an advocate for partnership and a voice for my journey and experience alone. I have described in this article how profound and amazing my experiences have been, how much they have impacted my whole life, my whole persona and my whole perspective. That is what my blog and my articles and my experiences are all about.

Even the negative aspects of the industry have beneficial lessons to teach. There are ‘experiences’ that happen every day around hustling, time-wasting by clients outside of bookings and sometimes by escorts inside them, secret back-channels and breaches of privacy, ethics, cases of extortion, issues of client and escort mental health, escorts that hate men, clients that hate and abuse escorts, people who abuse the system, the effect of poorly conceived laws and inconsistencies, crimes against escorts (mostly by men but sometimes by other escorts), in-fighting, jealousy, envy, manipulation, two-faced behaviours, passive aggressiveness, escorts managing and pimping other new escorts, chasing escorts for other business interests, the massive recent influx of new escorts, falseness, negligence, criminality and the dynamics of what quieter periods do to the overall health of the industry, and so on, and so on, and so on. Anyone who has been around for a while, sees some of these things and more – it is a big and very human industry after all. This paragraph is the end of my negativity, it is a expression of some of the things that have played on my mind in recent times, and with this admission, they are gone. This blog is returning to my experiences, my lessons, my journey and a celebration of why I am here and what is great about the industry.

I intend to stick firmly within the territory of what is great about my experiences and why I continue, despite some truly negative elements, to be an active client of escorts and seek out the richness of experience that this industry and this journey has to offer.

Thank you for your readership. Next articles will include some booking experiences, some guest experiences – more celebration and just the hint of wrestling with issues and emotions as I navigate my own path as a client. The experiential benefits are just far too rich and rewarding to get caught up in negativity for more than a brief moment.

Xx SP 20 June 2017.

Siege Mentality

Why do sex workers and sex work clients act defensively?

What happens when we share a sense of victimization?

Society doesn’t like sex work. It doesn’t like sex workers, it doesn’t like sex work clients, and it doesn’t like the defenders of sex work! There is a perpetual human history of trying to shut down the world’s oldest profession, yet it never has, this is an industry, profession and human need that will never go away.

This means that ‘sex work’ and all of its participants and advocates have always, and probably always will, be under siege by the mainstream views, or at least the publicly stated views, of the bulk of society. This article isn’t about changing that, although I wish we could, it is about what happens to people under siege – what is happening to us?

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What is siege mentality?

Siege mentality is a shared feeling of victimization and defensiveness in the face of the negative intentions of the rest of the world. Although a group phenomenon, the term describes both the emotions and thoughts of the group as a whole, and individuals being overly fearful of surrounding peoples, and an intractably defensive attitude (thanks Wikipedia).

Is the sex industry under siege? Of course it is, it always has been. Who is under siege? Escorts and sex workers most of all. Although the clients of sex workers, the defenders of sex work, and anyone who advocates for sex work, to a lesser degree, they are all under siege too. Anyone who sees sex work as work, as a valid and socially helpful industry and sees sex and intimate human interactions as being locked in some anachronistic dark ages – well all of those people are under siege. I am under siege writing this blog, having a secret life as a client of escorts, and having to be hidden from the world. If you are reading this, you are most likely under siege too!

Escorts under siege.

If you have read sociological articles or group psychology articles on this topic, I would love for you to point me in their direction. I have struggled to find much on the topic. What is true about a group under siege, is that normally there will be group social conformity, and lack of trust, and a preparedness to assume the worst in other groups (the enemy).

This is no doubt a topic better explored by others, if it hasn’t been already, and it is also a reality, not something that should necessarily (or can) be changed. As a ‘client blog’ however, I would like to take a short look at what it means for clients of escorts. In some circles, this is a symbiotic relationship, a partnership where the better participants make the industry work, and try to get along despite obvious differences. In other circles, clients are part of the enemy, even seen as worse than ‘non-participants’ by some people.

I can’t think of many industries, and this is still an industry, where the customer is so poorly regarded. The only ones that come to mind are other ‘industries’ that face siege mentality with the general public, and they include mental health, illicit drugs, police and the military. These service groups, also have strong threads of ‘customer hatred and dislike’ within their industry dynamic. Police often dislike their customers, as do drug dealers, soldiers and mental health workers. Not all of them, but enough to create a mini-war within the broader sociology of these group dynamics. There are some escorts who hate clients more than they hate the parts of society that want the whole sex work industry shut down.

What does this mean?

In a siege scenario, the escort group are always (and rightly) going to defend and support their socially cohesive colleagues, who are under the same public siege too. This makes sense, and certainly no one can know what it is like, what support is needed and help in more practical and emotional ways than fellow sex workers. There is however a choice as to whether other sex industry participants, primarily clients, are at the next level of industry cohesion and support, no better or worse than the hating public, or the worst of all – a necessary evil to be despised and used. This choice, like the framing of every group perception, depends on who is defined within the group(s), and how the groups are perceived.

Defining the client group.

There is a group of non-clients. Men and boys, who are either intrigued by sex workers and undertake unsavory activities such as online abuse, forum participation without experience, trolling, time-wasting, posting offensive material, insulting sex workers, faking bookings, absolute time wasting, robbery, and other versions of ‘getting their kick’ from the abuse and baiting of sex workers. In some circles, especially online examples where this behaviour is named and shamed, these disgraceful people are called clients. If they are called clients, then these disgraceful acts become seen as part of ‘client behaviour’. Something that colours the overall view of real clients who actually make bookings and fund the industry and behave appropriately.

The equivalent would be calling the scum-bags who steal real escort photos, set-up fake sites, and then try to rip-off clients or other escorts – sex workers. They are not sex workers, they are thieves. The group I have detailed above are not clients, they should also be seen as ‘industry abusers’, not as industry participants. They are out to harm the industry, not to support it. Clients by definition support an industry. The inclusion of these acts, under the description of client acts, leads to a mistaken perception around the customers of the industry. It also makes the ‘stereotypical client’ a bad stereotype.

Real clients

Real clients pay sex workers for their service and act within the rules of the provider and the industry. Of course even in the ‘real client’ group, there are bad clients, average clients and better clients. There are people with mental health, physical health, weight, cleanliness, self-respect, and other social issues. There are nice people and not nice people. There are clingy clients and aloof ones. There are wealthy and poor, nervous and arrogant, interesting and boring, lovely and awful.

This is the same for escorts, although the divisions will be different – there will be more quality escorts than quality clients. Why, because the industry, the money that funds the ‘gap in personal difference’ makes it that way. An average client, spends time with a wonderful escort, because the market and the money bridges the gap. Any other view is naive. So every provider and client experience will be different. There will be more ‘lower to average’ clients than ‘lower to average’ escorts, but that doesn’t mean that clients are bad by definition, or that clients should be hated within the industry as much or more than they are hated outside of the industry. We are all hated by society at large.

Are escorts and clients under-siege together or apart?

I feel under siege from society, as I have mentioned in this blog, I can’t talk to most people in the ‘muggle’ world about my experiences as a client of the sex industry. It is a secret world. Most clients I have met, and that isn’t many, feel the same way. There is some ‘client siege behaviours’ in forums and groups, but for the most part, they want connection with their service providers, their escorts – that is the little emotional part of the whole Girlfriend Experience (GFE). Clients are generally not participants in the industry to make connections with other clients, they are here for the escorts.

It is disappointing to me, and I imagine most clients, when it seems like there is an ‘undeclared war’ inside the industry. That outside of the booking, ranks are closed, clients are hated, and secret conversations about the enemy are common place. I have been called naive many, many times. In what may also be another naive opinion, I believe we are under siege together. We are not the same, the issues and problems are not the same, and escorts need their safe spaces, channels and independence from clients. Once that escort support is taken care of however, surely we (quality escorts and respectful clients) are better as partners in this siege. It will probably last forever, it has so far, and we are all hated, at least in public statements, by the rest of the world.

Mutual respect and support would be a nice baseline for everyone who is playing by the rules and has respect and fairness in their hearts. I just made a big sigh as I wrote that sentence, because to be honest, right now I am steeling myself for more hatred. The hatred isn’t coming from outside of the industry, it is coming from parts of the industry. I hope that I am wrong, if I’m not, I will gladly leave. If you believe what I have written in this blog, in this website, then you know I value the industry and respect all of the participants.

Thank you as always for your readership. Thoughtful comment and feedback is most appreciated.

Xx SP 14 June 2017.

My End of Summer

Saying goodbye to an escort that I love.

All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey …

My long, beautiful, magical summer has come to an end. Everyone remembers their first, but my first was no ordinary first. I met someone, by good fortune alone, that was my personal angel. An old, old soul, but a young spirit, and what is even better, she was a ‘dark angel’, who better to take me on a journey of adventure. A long, extended magical summer of love!

I don’t know if it is possible to fall in love at first sight, but when she first walked into my life I was unable to speak, transfixed and the image of that arrival is still burned into my mind. This somewhat shy, bubbly, giggling and strikingly beautiful young woman, with steel and determination underneath, put me at ease immediately. My love for her has grown ever since. It was always a stupid, foolish, impossible love, but it was and still is my love.

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Now it is over.

Behind me is a glorious summer of experiences with this amazing companion, thankfully it lasted a long time and for a while, I felt like it would never end. Now I stand looking at a colder, darker, less certain path ahead. I don’t have my ancient, soulful, dark angel to guide me with her light spirit and her joyous touch. In the past, her words and advice never failed to bring me happiness. Pushing me on to great experiences and profound joy. Now she is gone. I am not exaggerating the depth of these feelings, this period of time was perfection for me. Change often comes quickly, and my personal ‘summer’ with her is over.

From start to finish we had twenty-one bookings together, I know that isn’t a lot for some people, but it is for me. Almost one-hundred hours spent together in each other’s company, and other glorious exchanges in between, there was not a single bad minute. The only regrets I have are that I did not tell her how I felt more often, and as I was also learning, I made some mistakes that hurt my longest-lasting companion along the journey. She took my short-comings and my slip-ups in her stride, taught me, helped me and most importantly forgave me – always with a softness and a grace that I hope I can learn to emulate one day.

What happened?

Her story is her own to tell, but it is a joyful end – she is moving on with her own journey in a positive way. Changing situations have brought our journey to a close and I am thankful that it is a happy parting. I can’t help but carry a broken heart at the moment – it comes from my own selfish loss of a connection that I had grown to depend upon far too much. Only now that it is gone, can I feel how deep it goes, it goes right to the core of my being. Those who know me, and some of you connected to me, you know that I have been a mess for a while – I am however moving forward in this new changed world, but at the moment, it is colder and darker one than before.

Others of you may see me as a tragic, naive and misguided figure. One of those lame, lonely punters who never got the joke, and fell for the illusions of impossible and pretend fantasies, created only within the confines of an escort booking. Stupidly thinking that something meaningful could remain outside of the paid experience. You are right – I am lonely, I am naive and I am tragic. You can hate me if you want, that certainly does seem to be a thing that happens to me as a writer in this client-escort world, far more than I expected, but I am getting used to, even comfortable with that experience too. The good news for you, if you are upset by my illusion, is that this pathetic middle-aged man hurts, the escort is free, and there is no more annoying adoration that she has to handle from me. The ‘beauty’ is free and the ‘beast’ is locked in his own self-made cage.

If you are more sensitive to my perspective, and one of the people that cares a little for me, then please don’t worry, don’t feel bad, there is so much to be happy about. For one thing, I know that my ‘dark angel’ really does care deeply for me (of course others won’t believe that, but I know it in my heart). Our parting as absent friends, lets me look back on all of our experiences together, and there were so, so, many of them, with sublime joy. I will never forget this ‘first summer’ of mine, and that of course was the whole point of spending so much time with someone who was just perfect for me. I hope that she will remember with some fondness little parts of our experiences together too. I hope that in future she remembers me with one-hundredth of the intensity that I will remember her.

In addition, I have seen how many other people have a soft spot for me in their hearts. I have never been such an emotional mess before in my life, and one new experience for me, is seeing people step forward with love and care – that is such a gift. I am humbled and emotional about that too. Thank you my friends. There have been some amazingly lovely escorts, and some other contacts who know these feelings, who have helped drag me out of this low place in my life.

This period has been an emotional storm. Some other real-life dramas just happened to be playing out at the same time. Just to make sure that I never forget the depths of this period, I also mistakenly thought that a second escort that I love was disappearing from my life as well. My two impossible fantasies were disappearing at exactly the same time. For a short and sharp period, I felt as though I had been shot, stabbed and dropped into a well, and then it was sealed up over the top of me with no light coming in. It is amazing how you read (or misread) things when you are already down low. That light has returned, my darkest days are gone. What I know now most of all is how lucky, and I mean perhaps the luckiest man alive, I am to have seen the care of so many people, and still be left with the most wonderful memories of ‘days in the sun’ with my Dark Angel, my muse, and my font of adventure. I will always love her, but I can move on with memories of our amazing times together.

So where to from here?

Firstly I hope that her journey is so grand, so wonderful that it is deserving of her – I want everything in the world for her. I want more for her than anyone else I know outside of my own children. Secondly, I am happy! The road ahead is a little unclear, but I have people to hang onto, guide me, and be in my life for the next chapter – there will be another summer and it may not be that far away at all. If my Dark Angel returns, then I will always, always be here for her with open arms. I am also cherishing other people in my life too, who have already shown me the quality of their soul and the lightness of their spirit. This journey has shown me some amazing, loving and brilliant people that I also want to be in my life. I am moving towards them and I hope that they want me in their lives too.

For a little while I thought about my own ‘retirement’. I seriously contemplated giving up this journey, stopping writing this blog, leaving Twitter and trying some completely new and different chapter in my life. I don’t know how the future will play out, and I am far more impulsive and reactive at the moment than I would like – just another emotional work in progress for me as a growing and hurting person. For now I see this blog, and my increasing level of comfort with this crazy Percie Blakeney persona (me with another name) as a likely part of my next ‘summer’ – for now at least. Besides, I can’t mothball this crazy, weird blog yet, because the memories, threads and emotions of my Dark Angel are woven through its every page. I will remember my first escort forever, my first summer and the strength that was offered to me by others when the leaves turned brown. (OK now if you must play the song – here it is, or this ‘sketch version’ if you would prefer a laugh).

The real song that tells the story of my companion, far better than this blog article does, is ‘Ride’ by Lana Del Rey, introduced to me by my Dark Angel herself. I highly recommend listening to it in full, loud and in a dark room. I can’t listen to it just at the moment without becoming a blubbering mess – I really have become an emotional wreck lately. I don’t even recognise myself sometimes, I like the new more emotionally connected me, but being so emotional can also be much harder at times.

There is a light ahead and it is getting stronger, but I will never forget how I got here. Thank you so much my love, I owe you everything! To those that are supporting me now, I love you, owe you and thank you so much too!

If you know or can guess the identity of this person, and the same applies with every article, please respect that this is meant to be anonymous and treat this as a work of fiction with fictional characters. Her story, her path, her future are her own. Please do not name her in any comments or social media.

Thank you so much everyone who has helped me – I don’t think you will ever know how much that means to me – I love so many of you (and now I have a thank-you page too). The richness, variety and lessons you give astound me so much – I can’t believe how much life I have discovered on this journey. Finally thank you again to the readers who put up with my silly blog. To the small few who really care for me, you know who you are, thank you so much – you have put my broken heart back together. I know many people hate hearing that the ‘paid escort-client’ relationships can be this rich and full of feeling – but they can and sometimes they are – and they can still be bounded by business and professional respect.

Xx SP 8 June 2017 (article updated 25 June 2017).

Interview With An Escort

Guest article – an escort’s perspective. Interview with Mischa.

Guest Article – Interview with Mischa.

Today marks the first ‘guest authored’ blog post on this site. We are going to hear from an Australian escort, Mischa, about her perspective and experiences.

Conducted by email and phone, I asked Mischa a series of questions, and eleven of those responses are included here. I know that my other posts are from a client perspective, but here as a change of pace, is the perspective of a working Australian escort.

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Mischa, how did you become a sex-worker and what was the early journey like?

My foray into escort work began the same way that I suspect a lot of other escorts did, with a broken heart. I had been in a relationship with a man that was considerably older than I was, and married. When he unceremoniously broke up with me via email, I saw working as an escort as a way to give other men what I had given him: intimacy, conversation, and new adventures that were not a threat to his everyday life as a husband and a father. Working as an escort would also provide me with the opportunity to earn money to cover university, textbooks, and other expenses.

Aside from the financial benefits and my genuine love of the job, I do have an additional reason for working as an escort. Just as you (PB) have written about ‘wanting to reclaim some of your youth before it is gone’, I am trying to make the most of my youth while I still have it. I’m scared that if I don’t, I will one day turn into the mother from the Adrian Lux song, Teenage Crime. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check it out.

What are you proud of, or feel is your best ‘sex-work asset’?

My plan was always to work within a model that made myself and clients feel valued and comfortable. I have very few clients, almost all of them are regulars and they are just the most pulchritudinous individuals that you could ever meet. I am always genuinely excited to see any one of them. One client recently described me as “a polygamous sugar baby”, which I thought was funny and probably quite accurate! GFE is definitely what I excel at, but I have been taking some classes in BDSM just to keep things interesting.

What are your plans for the future?

At this stage, I plan to continue working part-time as an escort until I either finish university or meet my own semi-silver fox (applications welcome!)

Do you have any thoughts on the industry that you would like to share?

I strongly believe that the in-call laws in Victoria need to be modified to be in line with other states. I also think that sometimes there is not enough understanding about just how much work goes into being an escort. Aside from the marketing and business side of things, you really need to possess a genuine ebullience. A generally calm and upbeat disposition and sense of adventure are a must. You need to be resilient and emotionally stable.

It amazes me when clients introduce themselves with a disclaimer that they consider themselves to be old and fat. I genuinely don’t notice physicality. Every client has a certain kalon all of their own. I love it when I can make a client laugh. I feel a great sense of accomplishment when someone tells me that they’ve had a great time.

Do you feel isolated or discriminated against as a sex-worker?

I’ve only felt discriminated against as a sex worker twice, once when a guy that I liked indicated that he wasn’t interested in me, and I highly suspect that it was because he knew about my escort work. The second time was when Instagram deleted my account, despite the fact that it contained no graphic content.

What makes a great booking? 

Flanter! (That’s a word from Geordie Shore. Flirting + banter = flanter!) Pre-booking contact is a great way to get to know a little about each other, it can help make everything flow beautifully. Repeat bookings are always fantastic, especially if you have discussed different things with the client that they would like to try. The more information that clients give escorts before they meet, the better. When you really ‘click’ with a client, it is an indescribable feeling of joy for me, and hopefully for them too.

What have you yet to do or experience?

I do have a secret ‘Sexual Bucket List’. I’d like to accompany clients to platonic events or on trips more often. Longer bookings are always my favourite, which is why I don’t typically offer one hour bookings. Some of my most memorable experiences have been with clients that have had me with them for two days and two nights.

Do you have an experience or anecdote that you feel like sharing?

I’m not ‘out’ with anyone in my real life. My family is quite close so I have always tried to hide my travel from my parents. However, when I lived in Queensland, I would sometimes ask them to feed my cat (not a euphemism by the way) while I was away. One day, after I had called my Mum to ask her to feed Mr Cat, she forgot to press ‘end’ straight away after we’d finished speaking. Clear as day, I heard her say to my Dad, “Why is she going away again? Do you think she’s running a drug trafficking ring?”. Recently I briefly mentioned to a client my intention to one day undergo a rhinoplasty. He replied with, “I’m not seeing you anymore. I’m not funding rubbish”.

Mischa, do you have a message you would love to get out to people?

I would encourage men (and women) to keep an open mind about seeing an escort. There is still this misconception that seeing a sex worker is absolutely taboo. Our lives are so short, and I strongly believe that we have a responsibility to ourselves to try every human experience possible. I would encourage everyone to put aside any anxiety or misgivings and try it. It’s so much less messy than having an affair. Even if you are between relationships or happily single, skin-to-skin contact and affection is still important. No two bookings (even with the same client) are ever the same. From frantic, urgent sex to slow and sensual and everything in between, every booking is an adventure.

What has surprised you about sex work?

No matter how emotionally strong you are, nothing prepares you for the day that a client tells you that he is in love with you and wants to leave his wife for you. That he would sometimes shed a tear in the lift when leaving our booking. That’s that only time that I have questioned my decision to become an escort. I thought, “What the hell am I doing?” I didn’t get into this to cause anyone hurt.

I have also been surprised when given gifts! One client gives me the loveliest handwritten cards every time we meet. I’ve been given a beautiful necklace, many adult toys and generous gift vouchers. When I receive a heartfelt note, or a client has cooked something for me, I’m really touched. I am constantly surprised at the gratitude that I feel from my encounters with smart, brilliant and inspiring men. I feel that they’ve often given me more than I can return. I’m really skilled at compartmentalising the different parts of my life, so it has surprised me that I’ve made friendships that I believe will last for a long time to come. I am really blessed.

Has working as an escort changed you as a person?

I have always held the belief that you should leave people in a better state than when you met them. I’ve always applied this philosophy to all of my work, relationships and people I meet socially. The same philosophy is especially relevant in sex work. On reflection, I have developed a greater empathy for anyone that I encounter in my life. I’m more open-minded towards relationships now. Perhaps choosing the one partner to fulfill every single role in your life (co-parent, lover, friend) is not for everyone.

Thank you to Mischa, my first guest for being interviewed and writing this article, I hope that you enjoy this perspective and a change of pace from my (client) perspective to that of a working Australian escort. Still to come, another client’s view, some more of my articles and maybe, after this piece, some other escort and industry guest articles. Thank you as always for your readership.

Since the original publication, both Mischa and I have received some negativity over publishing an escort’s perspective here. Please have some respect and keep hateful opinions to yourself. I deliberately wrote very straightforward and ‘non-leading’ questions, so as to reduce any influence, and this is Mischa’s story generously added here for your information, not your derision. If you can’t respect me, then please at least respect guest bloggers – their privacy and their right to their own views and stories.

Xx SP 6 June 2017 (well actually Mischa’s work – article updated 25 June 2017)

World of Private Messages

Escort-client dynamics in the realm of Twitter private messages.

What happens between escorts and clients in Twitter PM’s?

It will all be fine, this isn’t some ‘secret-breaking’ reveal it all article. Sorry if that is a disappointment. This is instead a look at the types of communication that move away from the public social media view, and into the world of private messages on Twitter. There are similarities with texts and emails, but I am specifically looking at private messages on Twitter in this article.

Let’s take a look at booking exchanges, between booking communications, supporting each other, making arrangements, sharing information and a look at some of the more controversial areas of hustling, bullying, trolling, extortion and threats. Of course it’s not all bad news, there are some very lovely things that happen in the world of Private Messages (PMs) too!

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Sitting in bubbles, sipping wine and reading my PMs!

I really have no concept of how escorts manage their communication load! Forget bookings, administration, beauty treatments, preparation, security, health, personal well-being, and having a life! How on earth do Escorts stay on top of emails, texts and social media. I make this point, because this article and this whole blog site is a single client’s view of the world. Occasionally I struggle to keep up with my own social media, and my ‘content load’ must be less than one-percent of what an escort has to face.

In addition, the ‘shitty’ part (bad manners, aggression, trolling and everything that ‘brings me down’) must also be less than one-percent of what an escort faces. Anyone who ever thinks for a second that an escort’s life might be easy – should just consider that aspect alone for a minute. How on earth do they manage it? I can sit in a hotel bath, drink a glass of red wine, cruise my social media and select some responses (I had to tie in the article photo somehow – hehe). It is rare that this is a negative experience, so this article is not a complaint at all – as a client I have things easy, just like in every other aspect of the escort-client world.

I should add though that I only do this for fun and experiences. I am here to spend money, not to make it, so by the same token, I should be able to choose my level of involvement – because I am not marketing for business and I am not interested in buying negativity. Sometimes I even forget that I am a customer not a provider and feel I obliged to be super responsive on these communication channels to anyone that engages with me. Something that I am slowly learning to change.

What is great about Private Messages?

If you have received a sweet message from an escort, the you don’t need me to tell you what is great about Private Messages. When an ultra-busy escort, as described above, takes a minute to send something to you one-on-one, that is a huge gift – it makes my day every single time it happens. I always try to respond if I can, because let’s face it, I have more time than they do (some of the time) and I would always love another similar message sometime in the future. I am conscious to try and stop these responses from becoming a ‘chain of messages’ that is wasting their time. There is a high risk that Private Messages from clients are time-wasting. I actually ask myself before pressing send – am I wasting this generous escort’s time? I was told recently that sometimes I cut private threads short and send an ‘I’m too busy feeling’ – that isn’t because I don’t want to ‘chat’, it is usually because I want to be respectful and not be seen as a time-waster by the Escorts I like the most. It is a hard thing to know what the right balance is.

What PMs make sense, are positive and useful?

Real booking arrangements benefit both clients and escorts. Private Messaging isn’t necessarily a great place for this, and a client should always try to use the escort’s preferred communication channel and processes and not attempt to bypass screening or protocol. Sometimes however PMs are useful for inquiring about bookings, tours or other meeting preliminaries and they can also be useful for clearing up other details and making contact immediately prior to the booking. These should all be short, clear, well-mannered, sufficiently detailed and kept to a minimum.

Thank you messages also make sense. Whether by text or PM, a post-booking message sent from the client to the escort is in my view a must. I want the escort to know how special the booking was, how much I appreciated their time and effort, and the truth behind how they made me feel. That is easy, I always feel awesome after a booking, but I want it to say something personal and truthful too – I don’t lie in these messages. Getting a similar message in return is also a lovely reinforcement of the booking. As I have said in other articles, if there isn’t a return message after a thank you – for me at least, that is a pretty distressing thing (thankfully it is also a very rare thing). This is something to keep honest, real, kind and personal – it is also once again, something that shouldn’t be ‘over-done’. Time-wasting is again not a long journey away from being kind and attentive.

Support and contact messages are also lovely. These are more appropriate territory for times when a more personal connection has developed. Occasional contact between people that know each other is one of the more pleasant things about private messages. To know that someone is aware when you are slightly down, or wants to celebrate something with you, make a positive comment or just let you know that they are still there and thinking of you occasionally – those messages can be a real joy. This is one of the most complex areas however, as what is sweet and pleasant for one person, might be creepy and time-wasting for another. There is an ‘art’ here to knowing your own connection with that person – what is lovely, what is OK, and what is not acceptable. I try to lean slightly towards the less is more, but as a ‘person of words’, I am at risk more than most of saying too much, too often. I am trying to learn!

From my own perspective, being told that an escort is thinking of an upcoming tour, contacting me to say hello, sharing a memory, asking a question, looking for support, offering support, being kind and other general occasional contact is not hustling and it is more than acceptable, it is actually very nice and highly appreciated. I know there are wide ranging views on this, by clients and escorts alike, but for me contact from someone who knows that I like their contact is more than fine, it is appreciated and desirable.

What PMs are questionable or downright nasty?

Hustling is questionable and takes many different forms. Firstly, lets all admit that it happens, it happens quite a lot, and it is not all the same. Some may think asking for a booking, or a type of booking (say a double), or exploring if there is a connection is hustling. I don’t! To me this is great when it is wanted by the recipient, it is OK when it is softly rejected and that is the last unsolicited request, and it is only hustling, when it is hustling and that line becomes pretty clear, pretty fast. Escorts are in business, how they get their business is their business, and if I get successfully ‘hustled’, then that is my fault as a ‘stupid punter’. If I don’t feel like I’ve been hustled, enjoy the result, and I am happy with the contact and the outcome, then I haven’t been hustled. Clients however hustling escorts, that is something else entirely – and put plain and simply, it is never OK.

Trolling, bullying, extortion and threats also take many different forms and are rarely if ever acceptable. I haven’t been extorted and I am reluctant to call anything else that has happened to me bullying, although I know these things happen in the back-channels of social media and through other contact points as well. I have however been threatened may times and trolled, it is still a surreal experience for me, I don’t understand the commitment or motivations of the originator(s), I can’t reconcile the effort that is required, and I don’t understand how a person gets a benefit from that behaviour, other than by inflicting misery, and I can’t understand that mentality.

I am sure that some scenarios could exist, where threats and maybe even cases of bullying are a response to something worse and form part of dealing with an issue and bringing about some balance. Maybe there are cases for that. So far however, every story that I have heard about would seem to have had a better solution. I’m not ignorant enough to say that ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’, but certainly as far as I can see, trolling, bullying, threats and extortion make poor tools for creating any form of positive solution or bringing resolution to any issue. They are also bad marketing. Tell me if I’m wrong on this, but all of these pathways seem to hurt the originator as much, maybe even more, than the intended target. Surely the best revenge (if you are into revenge) is to move forward and have a great life and leave any disliked target you may have encountered behind. Otherwise you are just caught circling the drain – a place where the hurt just remains.

So when to use Private Messages?

I think like so many things with communication, there is a simple three-stage test. I am writing this for my future benefit, not as some expert, I want to live this model myself.

Firstly is it being written with good intent or bad? Secondly, will the recipient benefit from it or not? Finally, is it clear or is there a possibility of misinterpretation?

The last one is super tricky. Text mediums are so prone to misinterpretation without the benefit of tone, body language or immediate visibility to each-other’s reactions. I have stuffed up text based communication so, so, so many times. In fact some of those disasters are hinted at in the articles on this blog. I am going to try my best to follow my own rules, but sometimes I don’t even see the misinterpretation coming until its too late.

I am a work in progress. However, if you know me, and if you ever hear from me in a Private Message, please know … (a) I wrote it with good intent, (b) I hoped that it was going to benefit you, and finally, I am trying not to waste your time. If you are sending me one, I will also try to read it and understand it with the same positive lens.

Private Messages can be lovingly awesome, it is also territory for some of the nastiest and most hateful words that have even been crafted. The private underside of Twitter (and other private messages) is a different world to what we all see ‘above the waterline’ in the public world.

Thank you for your readership. Comments and feedback most gratefully received. Plus my sincere and eternal apologies for anyone I have ever upset in a badly considered Private Message (or anywhere else for that matter).

Xx SP 25 May 2017 (article updated 18 June 2017).

Staying in the Moment

Getting the most from a booking with a wonderful escort.

Embracing the fantasy!

A booking with an escort is a unique moment in time. Almost assuredly the escort has prepared for the moment, and any client wanting a good experience will have done the same. The escort and client meet at an agreed time, spend an agreed amount of time together, and then conclude at an agreed time.

Something unique and never to be repeated has happened, it may have been awful for one or both parties, it may have been amazing for one or both parties. A purchased and completely customised service has been produced and it has been consumed. A ‘moment-in-time’ has existed, never to be repeated in exactly the same way ever again.

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Moments and Forever.

In the fairy-tales, those perfect ‘soul-mate’ relationships end with a ‘happily ever after’. We are taught, conditioned and perhaps in some respects biologically ‘wired’ to seek a lasting connection. In the sex-work world, specifically the escort-client experiences discussed in this blog, it is not a unending relationship, it is a moment.

The client usually wants a ‘moment’, an ‘experience’, that is without entanglements and coordinated like booking a show, or conducting a business meeting. The escort wants to deliver a service with a start and a finish, that earns money for the time and effort committed. Everyone involved wants it to be a moment and yet so often there are entanglements and residual issues.

Celebrating a moment.

One of the best pieces of advice I have received in respect to seeing escorts is – be true to the moment. The escort-client booking was born to be a moment. The absolute best ones are the magic that dreams and life-long memories are made from. I have only recounted three of mine so far in this blog, Degustation Dream, Harbour Lights, and Holiday Hideaway, mainly because people don’t seem that keen to read about other people’s bookings.

Bookings like these, and I hope ones that you have experienced and are perhaps reminiscing about now, are encapsulated moments. It is these little, joyous, memories of a single event, little perfect ‘bubbles in time’ – that are how a great escort-client booking can and should be. Those of us the participate in this industry are lucky humans indeed to have these unique memories, unlike most other relationships and intimate encounters.

So what goes wrong?

We can’t always stay within or true to the moment. We start to assume that it means something about the future. One great moment, especially if followed by another, then another, becomes addictive. If these are connected to the same person, we may ‘fall in love’, or otherwise develop a dependency upon this person as our connection, our bridge, to our growing addiction to these ‘great moments’, something I discussed in ‘Loving an Escort’.

In addition, we may not believe the fantasy of the moment was as strong as it seemed at the time. We look for reinforcement, endorsement, between-booking contact and other confirmation of the joy we felt, especially when we are feeling down, needy, insecure, or have had a bad experience somewhere else in our life.

This isn’t a client versus escort divide. Escorts may also want connection to certain clients that bridge certain moments and outcomes. They may also seek client and colleague confirmations when they are feeling down, or under siege from the not-so-fantastic elements of life that exist between these fantastic fleeting moments.

Imbalance – when it means more to one person than the other.

We don’t always see these connections and confirmations in the same way, or with the same intensity, as the person we are seeking them from. An escort can use this ‘moment addiction’ and ‘endorsement need’ to build dependence and support their business. A client can use the same to extract unfair outcomes from escorts in a variety of manipulative ways. In many cases, both parties suggest to each other that there is a strong ‘connection’, a bridge between moments for both of them. Sometimes there may be, but perhaps more often, the promise of a ‘greater connection’ may be more of a fantasy than those gladly shared and created within the confines of a booking.

Celebrate the moment!

So I had a ‘moment of fantasy’ before I wrote this article. I had one the week before, and I had a number before that – some I have discussed within this blog. I keep having great moments with some of the same people. Not surprisingly I am becoming addicted to them for the moments that we have together. I am also becoming addicted to some of the same people for the confirmations, endorsements and support that they give me at other times – allowing me to feel better about myself and my escort experiences when I need the emotional boost and ratification.

Some of my ‘over-thinking’ and article-based analysis lives in the spaces between these moments of fantasy. With some escorts it is important to me that there is a connection that is not only bound by the constraints of a booking, that there is some connection that exists in the ‘grey-area’ in between and around them. It is joyous to think that this ‘bigger connection’ exists and traumatic when we discover that it doesn’t – that in some cases it was all a charade.

So the best solution, in the vast majority of cases, is just to live within the ‘moment-of-fantasy’, the boundaries created by the booking alone. Celebrate, live-within, remember and isolate these as amazing little stories. Something that clients and escorts have, that pretty much the rest of the world does not.

If you can’t, and in some cases I can’t, then at least be prepared for the fantasy to be destroyed. Maybe, if you are super fortunate one of these ‘chain-of-moments’ may just have a ‘spark of forever’ about it – some amazing hybrid combination of booking moments as well as a non-booking connection. Unfortunately when you put it like that, it sounds even more unlikely, but then maybe I am a tragic romantic after all.

Enjoy the booking for what it is! If you get more, take it, appreciate it, be thankful for it, but don’t expect it – after all, it is not part of the agreement.

Thank you for your readership. As always comments, sharing and engagement here and on Twitter are most appreciated.

Xx SP 2 May 2017 (article updated 3 June 2017).

Loving an Escort

What happens when a client falls in love with an escort?

Falling for a sex-worker.

I am in love with two escorts, and I have feelings of love for a few others as well. Maybe I fall in love easily, maybe I have just met amazing women, or maybe it is that clients fall in love with escorts far more frequently than many of us may think.

So what does it mean and how do you (OK, I mean me) manage this? It’s not like we’re about to run off into the sunset, these feelings need to be accepted, but they also need to be managed. Let’s take a look at the awkward topic of falling for an escort, complete with a few uncomfortable admissions from me.

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So is it really love?

Recently I was reading another wonderful blog by the amazing Sophia Duvall called ‘Minding your step: love and the escalator’, it was talking about how clients should try and “not overstep the emotional boundary while still engaging in intimacy”. It is an amazing piece, go and read it now if you want but please remember to come back. The article suggests ‘steps up a ‘virtual’ escalator’ as representing levels of relationship progression, and the idea of stopping at the appropriate ‘step’ or level for the nature of the relationship.

It is a great visual image of the natural increasing levels of intimacy that can and do occur, but also the need (or appropriateness) to stop at a certain position and ‘hold’ it there. We are all ‘trained’ to seek fully-expressed and singular love (the top of the escalator), instead of stopping at a particular place (on the escalator), and enjoying that place (for example a very close client-escort connection). I am going to refer to these ‘steps’ in a few different ways to illustrate my own ‘escalating intimacy’ and feelings with escorts, how these differ from other relationships, and how I have attempted to manage the feelings and the relationships.

Different types of love – climbing the steps.

We can use love in a broad sense. I love specific things about most of the escorts that I have met. Any combination of their beauty, youth, sexual freedom, skill, intelligence, style, smell, discreteness, honesty and so on. You get the point, at one level we ‘love’ certain compartmentalized things. We all probably focus on something we ‘love’ about a person or a particular moment or memory as a focal point for building intimacy and connection.

Perhaps if enough of these ‘features of loving focus’ are present, it becomes overwhelming and we are effectively ascending the ‘virtual escalator’ and we find ourselves ‘in love’ with the whole package. We are in love with the person or some other collection of their attributes such as their ‘escort persona’, the ‘experience’ that they offer, or some other construction that is meaningful to us. We experience so many positive things that negatives are ignored and we ‘fall in love’ with the whole person.

Different barriers to love – stopping at a specific step.

In most client-escort relationships, there is a profound difference between the participants. Let’s be totally honest. One person is paying another for a connection that would be unlikely to exist without the financial incentive. The financial element is bridging a gap between ages, experiences, social confidence, society’s stereotypes of beauty, limitations in time and availability and other barriers. Money is bringing two people together who, for at least 9-times-in-every-10, would never get together intimately otherwise – that is why the escorting business exists.

The client wants the ‘service’ of the provider. For this reason, it is far more likely for clients to fall for escorts than escorts falling for clients (I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen, just that it would seem rarer). So the first barrier is that the client’s ‘love’ is very unlikely to be reciprocated by the escort. That is a good reason for every client to stop their ‘climb up the escalator’ before their protestations of love for an escort leave the escort with no choice but to end the connection due to the level of inappropriate intensity.

Clients at risk of fully developed ‘love’ for an escort need to find a way to accept the reality, enjoy the connection for what it is, and accept what is offered as sufficient. Let go of the dream and enjoy the wonders of the available reality. Pushing for more ‘steps up the escalator’ with someone who cannot ‘go any further’, will break the connection and destroy what level of returned intimacy is possible within the dynamics of a professional escort-client relationship.

My own journey.

I said as the ‘teaser’ at the start of this piece that I love two escorts, and that is true enough. I am a long-way up that ‘escalator’ in these cases, far further up than the escorts that are the subject of my attention are in respect of their feelings for me. That ‘gap’ creates some issues. I am sure that they are concerned that I am too committed and of course for me, knowing that my ‘level’ cannot be returned creates some pain from the difference between my head and my heart. There is always a ‘gap’, between a client looking for intimacy and an ‘escort’ just wanting a good client, so these issues exist all the time. When the ‘gap’ becomes extreme, it can certainly trigger problems.

We all have our complicated psychology and the things that make us who we are. In some ways, I pine for my youth. In trying to capture as much of it as I can before it is gone for good, I love two escorts in my ‘persona’ of reliving a lost past. I love them, because if I was twenty-years younger, I would ‘pull out all stops’ to try and build a relationship with either one. The reason it is a ‘strange love’, is that I know that they are not going to ‘date’ me, I just want to imagine it while I’m in that mode of feeling young. If I was reliving my youth, my heart would ache to be their real-life lover. When I am out of that ‘mode’, I just hope for continued intimacy and friendship. I hope that they care about me just a fraction of how much I care about them.

There are some other escorts, slightly older but younger than me, that I would date if firstly my life circumstances allowed it, and secondly if I was to learn that they had any real feelings for me. This is really the ‘seed of love’, where you can see someone is compatible enough to want to explore where it might go – maybe a pathway to love and see if you can ‘climb the escalator’ together. Again there are barriers between the fantasy of seeing an escort and the harsh realities of life. In a different place and time, I would like to see where the road went if some of these ‘constructed dates’ became actual dates instead.

Then as I said earlier, there is love of features, aspects, experiences and other elements of the whole. I think any client who re-books an escort repeatedly, must at least love some aspect of that escort, the experience, or the resulting feelings. Whatever the trigger is, some ‘aspect of love’ and desire must remain to stimulate a need to reconnect and re-book. There are so many forms of love, and it is so intertwined with interpersonal need and intimacy, that it is always going to play some role within the client-escort dynamic.

Going all the way!

Sometimes however there is no stopping feelings, they grow and there is no preventing the ‘escalator’ from progressing all the way to the limit. If you are a client who is truly, madly, and deeply in love with a woman you met as an escort, there are really only three choices. Say nothing and learn to accept what you receive, pursue your love knowing the almost certain response is full rejection, or end the relationship to protect your own heart. None of these are good decisions, because in any case of unrequited love, the lover is always going to lose. “Loving is a losing game”, Amy Winehouse, but life without love is an empty life – just don’t expect to find it in the client-escort world – it is a ‘Unicorn’ (borrowed from the piece on ‘Chasing Unicorns’).

As I re-visit this article, events are transpiring that are further highlighting how deep these feelings go. A particular connection is coming to a close. I have held myself ‘on the escalator’ by sheer force of will and tried to “say little and accept what I received”, as a way of remaining connected, enjoying the relationship and preventing it collapsing under the pressure of the ‘gap’ between my feelings, and the limited amount of affection that can be returned by an escort. Now that it is ending, I don’t need to contain how strong these feeling are, the problem is that the result of ‘letting the constraints go’ is heartbreak. I am still too connected to what my escort-life persona wants, and I am going to find this relationship very painful to let go. The one constant note of joy, with me all the time, is that I was very, very lucky (profoundly blessed) to ever have this relationship in the first place.  

So many aspects of this topic have been left uncovered. It seems like I will also be able to write something on ‘Client Heartbreak’ at some point in the near future. Please add your comments, share, re-post and let me know what you think. Thank you Bella Skye and Will for your comments on the first version of this article. Thank you all for your readership and to those who just keep supporting this blog – I love you so much for your continued support.

Xx SP 28 April 2017 (updated 31 May 2017).