Dancing on Air

Remembering a wonderful night at the Ballet with an Angel …

Recently I have been reminiscing on past companion bookings, remembering how amazingly lucky I have been as a client of Escorts. It has been a while since I have written such a recount, and in my mind at least, this story is long overdue.

This was the fourth time I had met this most amazing companion, four months in a row since our initial meeting. It is hard to choose which story to tell, there have been so many amazing moments, but I think this captures how I feel as well as any of the others.

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The Day Arrives

This fourth meeting had been in planning for a little while. Dinner, a night at the Ballet and then some time together afterwards. I arrived at the hotel in Melbourne early, to get ready, to find that the hotel had given me a significant room upgrade to a large suite. I still get excited about the more amazing hotel rooms, and this was a great one!

We knew each other well enough, and I sent a short video walk through of the room to my evening’s companion. Admittedly a badly disguised attempt to see if perhaps a slightly earlier pre-dinner drink in such palatial surrounds might be tempting. I guess many clients share their excitement about what they consider to be an impressive booking, in a misguided but well-meaning attempt to either impress their companion, or to garner a little more time. This is not great client behaviour, and I was still early in my journey, but it is certainly understandable human behaviour. She was onto me, and whether tempted or not, sent the “I’m excited to see you” message, very kind, but clear that we would meet as planned.

Well I was happy with that, and took my time getting ready and still making good use of the very lovely room. A spa bath, some music, soaking in the view, and feeling like a king. Letting the anticipation of the evening wash over me.

Dinner

I wandered down, relaxed and well prepared to the restaurant that I had booked for the evening. I ordered a wine that I knew from past experience my companion would enjoy, one that had become a favorite of mine as well. My companion was fashionably late, that is her way, but not enough for me to feel anything but a growing sense of anticipation.

She arrived and took my breath away. That happened the first meeting, it still happens now, it’s like a wave of euphoria just passes over me and I can’t help but smile like a teenage boy. It seemed that we picked up from where we had left off a month before. Comfortable, relaxed, intimate and unhurried conversation. Some laughs, a couple of wines and a lovely meal, that to be honest I have forgotten – I wasn’t concentrating on the food. I never do, that is why more often than not, I let my companion order for us – and I just bask in the glow of her company.

We left a little later than we should have, and we had to race along the Yarra River towards the Art Centre on a lovely Spring Evening. There were a lot of people around, and the atmosphere on the banks of the river was wonderful, not that we had much time to soak it in, we had a Ballet to get to.

A night at the Ballet

We were late, we were locked out, and we had to stand with the group of other ‘naughty people’ who had dared to be late. They were mostly older women and I was enjoying the disapproving looks that I was getting. Me, a middle aged man, with a taller, far more wonderful younger woman – exactly the sort of visual image to attract their scowling looks. I could almost imagine hearing their disapproval, but it was a feeling, not actual words. My companion didn’t seem to notice or care. She seemed truly excited to be at the Ballet, having training herself as a child, and she was so lovely to me, holding my arm, in close proximity with a glowing smile on her face. Not a Girlfriend Experience, but the dream of having a girlfriend who is truly enjoying the company of her boyfriend – it was a rare moment of forgetting and actually feeling part of someone’s real affection.

We were shuffled quietly into special seats, high up at the theater, a spot for the naughty late comers that wouldn’t interrupt the show or the other patrons. It was a novelty to have such a birds-eye view. We were close together, I could smell her wonderful perfume, made a little stronger by our rush to get to the venue. She had a beautiful glow on her forehead and her open shoulders. I was watching her, as she was watching the first act of the Ballet, and I was enraptured. I had strong feelings for this companion from our very first meeting, but in that moment I felt that if I wasn’t very careful, those feelings were going to get out of hand. Becoming far stronger than is appropriate for the nature of the Escort-client relationship.

After the first break, we were allowed to move to our original seats, to more scowls and looks of disgust from the nearby patrons. Seriously though, who in my shoes cares about being late to the Ballet when they have a companion like that – no wonder they were scowling, it is jealousy and envy writ large, and I was enjoying that too.

The Ballet was Nijinsky, a celebration of the famous Russian male ballet dancer. As such it was a showcase for male dancers with rather modern and acrobatic dance. Those guys are built and amazingly impressive physical and artistic specimens. It was a weird and surreal feeling, to be looking at my glamorous companion, as she watched these amazing men dance. So many feelings for me, that I don’t really remember the performance, but I do remember how I felt. I have had weird dream sequences since, that pick up parts of that night on a number of occasions since.

The Encore

The Ballet finished and we made our way back to the hotel. Wow, for me at least, the love making and intimacy was amazing. I was very ready, I had been smelling my companion’s perfume for hours, and looking at her and enjoying her, as she enjoyed the entertainment of the night. My memory here too has passed more into feelings than detail. We may have had better and more adventurous sexual encounters in other bookings, but that night went perfectly for the emotion and feeling of the evening as a whole complete experience. I remember feeling so satisfied and completely at ease, that it is hard to see it as anything but a perfect evening.

Afterwards we spoke. I was in an amazing afterglow. Weirdly one of the conversations was around marriage proposals that my companion had received from past clients. I am really not surprised. Strangely I envied them putting their request to her so bravely, as no doubt the person who finally gets a yes, is going to be one of the luckiest men alive. Weird how strange things like this can trigger emotions that we don’t expect and envy can be a strange emotion. I asked, jokingly of course, why she had turned them down, and what, for arguments sake it would take to get a yes?

Well she gave me that answer, what was needed to ‘sweeten the deal’, and no, of course I’m not telling – that is one of my most valued secrets. I’m working on it, you know, just in case there is ever a chance.

I had to leave. I left my companion with the room if she wanted it, just for her own ‘time out’ in such a wonderful space. I doubt whether she stayed for long. The next morning I returned to check out of the hotel, and to have breakfast, before heading into my office. That too was a lovely little surprise. To still catch the scent of her perfume and lie for a few moments on the sheets we had been on the night before, was a lovely way to re-live a little of the night and extend the connection just a little longer.

We have had a number of experiences since and more to come, I hope. They have been wonderful, and many deserve their own story as well. However our ‘Night at the Ballet’, a night where I felt like I was dancing on air, early in our journey together is one of my highlights of being a client of escorts. It was a night I will never forget, with a person that I will never forget.

I hope you don’t mind me returning to some booking stories. This is one I have wanted to write for a while, and I have others I would like to share with you, and again with myself before the memories begin to fade. Thank you for letting me share this story.

Xx SP 11 January 2018

Mean Girls

What would make an Escort mean?

It’s a hard world out there, one that hardens most hearts. I saw a Twitter post from an Escort a little while ago that simply said, “Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.” It made me think, what hardens the heart and how do some Escorts manage to navigate the storm?

I had a challenging childhood, bullying at school, and a business stolen out from under me by unscrupulous scumbags. My personal values involve staying open to good people, even if that means being taken advantage of by assholes at times. To me that is a better reality. To me, a hardened-heart would be me, robing joy from myself, worse in my mind than having it taken by someone else. But then I haven’t had a fraction of the challenges that many Escorts face.

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So What Could Make An Escort Mean?

Let’s count down some of the many pressures and social evils that are perpetuated against Escorts and other sex-workers. This is hardly an exhaustive list, but hopefully it will set the scene for understanding the legitimate hardening of a worker’s heart. An argument as to why ‘Getting Mean’ would be a perfectly reasonable defensive response.

Count Down …

Ten – Society Hates Sex-Work. It isn’t a normal hatred, no it is far worse. It is a perverse hatred. One where nearly everyone is biologically, emotionally and intellectually interested, but most secretly protest and even rally against the idea of sex-work. Publicly expressing one out-dated view while secretly maintaining aroused interest. This isn’t just hatred, it is hatred with passion, because it reflects self-hatred of the contradiction inside people. A repressed desire, combined with rejection, missing-out and a lack of resolution between primal desires and a socialized view of how they think they must behave. The false image they think they need to present to the world.

Nine – ‘Here Be Dragons’. I have commented before on my dislike for criminals, rapists and real time-waters being lumped in with real clients. It pollutes the view of real and decent clients. But having said that, there really are evil people playing in this area, taking advantage of sex-workers, their lack of social protection, the isolation of the work, the potential for financial advantage and the poor support, protection and laws that are around sex-work. It makes this a place where some of the most evil men in society pray on women. These scum would harden anyone’s heart – seeing what one person can do to another and how bad society can be at supporting victims and preventing future crimes.

Eight – Failure of Institutional Support. Societies institutions, at best turn a blind eye to sex-work, and worst they actively support and enforce harmful behaviour, damaging stereotypes and the isolation and depression of workers. Myths of higher incidence of disease and poor parenting still prevail, preventing workers giving blood, getting accommodation, receiving equivalent health services and getting in the way of parenthood and the surrounding supports and protections that workers should have.

Seven – Peer Competition. Another myth is that the community supports itself and provides help to the independent workers and other industry participants. Well in many ways it does and there is great solidarity and support in many areas. There is also two-faced competition and outright harm. Fake booking made by other workers or their contacts for workers on tour are just a tiny example. Some terrible things have been done by one worker to another out of envy, competition or just transference of their own pain to another in the same way any other hurt person is likely to lash out.

Six – Youth and Beauty Myth. Most workers I’ve met are not as impressed by their own intelligence, skills and beauty as the clients who see them, or even their own peers are when they comment on them. Most don’t understand how amazing and desirable they are. Yet even though they don’t see themselves as most of the world sees them, they believe their peers are more youthful, more beautiful and more skilled than they are. This isn’t true. Yet against their own insecurity and rejection of the positive, they often have an exaggerated fear of loosing their (relative) youth and beauty. This contradiction of strong fear against weak positive opinion is another personal, but also socially imbued force, that puts additional pressure on industry workers in the most personal way.

Five – Real Client Needs. Clients, people like me, are needy. Escorts provide a service that is sadly wanting in society and when they do it well, clients want more. More contact, more love, more of what the worker is providing. This is a human interaction, so sometimes the workers need this in return. Drawing the line is hard. Draw it too harshly and clients go elsewhere and they do not provide loyalty and friendship in return. Draw the line too generously and well meaning clients will take unwitting advantage of what is on offer. It may make for loyal regulars, but their needs have a strong potential to be emotionally and financially draining.

Four – Health and Well-Being. Of course there is the risk of disease, illness, violence and any of these can take a worker out of action – reducing their capacity to generate their own income. The risks may be able to be managed, but they exist and they can easily play on someone’s mind and add to the overall stress of the work. If unwell, society and its support mechanisms often fail to adequately and fairly address the needs of the worker.

Three – Isolation. There may be ways of avoiding isolation, however independent sex work in particular is a solo business for the most part. Admin, security, preparation, marketing and the work itself is isolating both in its mechanical practice and in the way society isolates sex work and all of its aspects. This is hard enough at the best of times, but when difficulty in trusting peers, clients and social institutions are added to the mix, this isolation can be crippling in times of hardship.

Two – Rejection and Abandonment. The nature of the work is all about selection by clients. It is a rare thing in society to be chosen by someone else and workers get to experience this more than almost anyone else, but they can easily loose that buzz of adoration. What is left is rejection. Why was someone else chosen? Where did the regular I thought of with affection go? Often these changes in selection are not accompanied with any explanation of the reason, and as a result it is easy to assume the worst, adding extra negativity to a worker’s self perception. As a client, I find rejection, abandonment and the lengthy separations between bookings hard (many blog articles I have written on this topic). As an escort, I imaging it is even harder, at least in volume if not individual intensity. How can this not be a ‘heart-hardening’ force?

One – Business Risks. On top of everything else, job security, career longevity, ability to maximise income and retain value is difficult. Many people, in other industries, can build up their businesses and sell them, or make money from growing their business. These strategies for business growth and exit are much harder to accomplish in the sex-work industry. Yet marketing, reputation, personal security, brand building and other aspects are also harder. This is not easy work in any way, and although it may be lucrative at times, it is hard to sustain and hard to build a business that can be sold and create a ‘windfall’ at some future moment. It is a damn hard career choice.

So What Could Make An Escort Mean?

Zero – How is anyone left? The question shouldn’t be ‘what could make an Escort mean?’, it should be, with all of this pressure and forces rallied against sex workers, how is it that so many manage to stay sane, stay kind, continue to truly connect with their clients and their peers, and avoid the hardening that would happen to almost anyone else? It is amazing that most sex workers are still so emotionally giving and wonderful, lovely people.

Support!

So on the few occasions where I feel I was treated poorly or unfairly as a client – and it is only a few, I try and remember the pressures at play. The forces that create stress for Escorts, by comparison, they make the forces that create stress for me look like child’s play. I know how badly I can react and behave when I am stressed – I am not proud of some of those moments. The stress on the escorts that I adore is so much more, so embedded in society, and even coming from well meaning clients like myself as well.

So those that occasionally seem like ‘Mean Girls’, are for the most part, decent, lovable and kind people struggling or reacting to their pressures, their lives and their stress. It is mean of me to compare their behaviour to my own, I am not under the stress that they are under, and yet I still expect kindness, attention and care. Who is the jerk here?

I hope that you get my point. This is a hard industry for so many reasons. Some of those forces we can all work together to improve, some are unlikely to change anytime soon. However if you are at the receiving end of what you feel is poor behaviour – unless it is profoundly bad, cut the other person some slack. The list (count down) in the article is only a small part of what they probably had to face, just this week alone.

I have finished this article (one I started a long time ago) as my first of 2018, in what I hope is a tiny contribution to making 2018 a great year. Forgiving each other a bit more and being a little more understanding and supportive. Many escorts and clients I know are struggling at the moment, let’s reach out and be more loving – especially to the workers who are confronted with this harsh reality every day.

Thank you for your readership. Comments are always welcome here or on Twitter. Please also understand that I am not trying to speak on behalf of Escorts, I am just a client who is trying to understand the forces that are impacting upon the companions that I meet and how I should behave in return to ordinary humans struggling with significant pressures.

Xx SP 3 January 2018

 

 

Transition and Recollection

At a cross-roads in life and reflecting on 2-years as a client of escorts.

Tomorrow I turn 50. I am at the end of many things in my life, at a true point of transition. As part of this change, and after two-years as a client of Escorts, part of my reflection is on how these experiences have changed me. Plus, what I want them to be like in 2018 and beyond.

This is also a return to my blog. I have had a badly needed break, it has been two-months since my last article. I feel rusty, I feel tired, but I feel like getting back into writing as part of my journey for next year. So it’s time to dust off the cobwebs and write something. What better time, than the day before my 50th Birthday.

ChelseaHotel

Second Year As a Client

Let’s start with where I stand as a client of escorts. It is not a comfortable place. I feel like every post-booking parting brings greater melancholy than ever, maybe this is a result of a challenging year and big life changes. Or maybe it is just something that happens as we are longer upon this road of disconnected moments of fantasy. That I can’t answer yet.

I also feel like I am not as good at this as I was in my first year. In 2016 it was all new, all fun. The relationships weren’t new enough to have much baggage. My industry insights weren’t enough to see some of the darker parts. I didn’t have a profile as a client. I just met people and had fun. If I met someone I really had fun with, and we clicked, then I saw them again. It was as I have already said, my best year ever, halcyon days!

I met amazing people, and I adored them. I felt feelings of love and began falling in love with some companions – falling in love is fun! Nothing particularly bad happened, many things profoundly wonderful happened. It was new, exciting, glorious, wonderful and things elsewhere in my life, for the most part, were going along pretty well at the same time.

So What Happened In 2017?

Sticking with the client of Escorts conversation, what happened is what always happens. We grow, we learn, we make mistakes, things sometimes fuck-up, and the shine wears off from things that were once shiny and new.

My blog and presence on Twitter created casualties. Communicating between Escorts and clients online is fun, but it is also high risk. Text formats of communication don’t offer the face-to-face benefits and ‘in-the-moment’ benefits of bookings – so connections between clients and escorts are likely to be more real, more prone to harm and break-down with clients who choose to engage on Twitter or other forms of correspondence in-between bookings.

Some connections just run their race. They reach a crescendo at some point, booking three, booking eight, booking fifteen, and then the honeymoon is over. For whatever reason, they start getting worse instead of better. It is amazing when we find those connections that just keep improving, deepening, becoming part of who we are.

In other cases, we never get that far. The companion (or client) retires, moves location or some other external dynamic changes. They depart and we are left to mourn the amazing moments that are no longer possible.

Amazing New Experiences!

Other amazing things happened! Partly because of this blog, party because of social media and partly because of my growing confidence, I got to meet new and amazing people – not just the amazing companions that I was booking. I also met fellow clients – travelers on the same road. Everyone I have met has amazed me, I enjoy being in conversation with them and some I now call friends.

I have met female clients of male sex-workers and that has led to some amazing conversations and new friendships, and I have met some of the male sex-workers that they see. With every person I meet, I understand society’s stereotypes around sex-work less and less. These are all inspiring people, better in many ways than the people who cast uninformed judgement on this rich community.

I am fortunate enough to have some companions who know that I have been down and maudlin this year. They have helped, supported and changed me. I don’t know how they have stuck with me, but some of them have now known me for almost two years. Despite the fact that it is almost impossible to truly know if someone you are paying for intimacy truly cares for you, I feel that at least a few of my closest companions do. When the inevitable end comes, their retirement or mine, some may miss me a fraction of how much I will miss them.

Change!

Nothing is more inevitable than change. This year I have learned more about love and loss than in any other year of my life. I didn’t mean to care about the Escorts I met as much as I do. I didn’t expect to have some really care for me and despair at some of my actions and feel the same envy, jealousy, frustration and unrequited emotions as I felt – and talking to other clients and workers, understand that they at times feel the same way too. This is an industry full of deep emotion and fast moving impact upon those emotions – both positive and negative.

I think I am starting to cope with unrequited love. I think I am starting to understand when I hurt the feelings of others. However I am still an advocate for celebration and transparency, and that is why I plan to stay on social media and continue to blog. I feel that the small hurts are (possibly my opinion alone) worth the benefits. The benefit of the truth that I have feelings for multiple people, the honesty of some of my stories and my voice in support of celebrating what happens between client and Escort rather than hiding it because the realities might impact on someone else’s fantasy.

I have big personal plans for 2018. It is going to be a good year. It will be sad … I miss the people I no longer see. I have that empty feeling as a dark companion with me every single day, and that weight gets heavier. I miss the person that I started this journey with most of all – everyone who reads my blog knows this story and that missing part of me continues. I’m just learning to live with a piece of my heart missing.

Others that are important to me, and in a number of connections that importance is growing, well they will no doubt leave my life at some point. I am sure that I will find out then, that I love them too, and wave goodbye to another slice of my heart.

What is happening though is that my heart is getting bigger. I want connections with more people so that I can show them the elements of love that I have for them and receive their unique gifts in return. Even though I’m loosing parts of me, I am gaining others and I am growing. This is the biggest change of all for me – I am not sure I could ever go back to a singular sexually intimate relationship when every connection is so rich and different. I have some of the most amazing relationship and a few in particular where 2018 looks so exciting and plans for new experiences are taking shape already.

There are no answers here. Just one very ordinary guy, who is about to pass an age-based milestone, and is trying to learn from the experiences behind me. So that I can be a better person within the experiences that are in front of me.

If I have upset you on this road, I also take a moment to apologise. For the few people who have upset me on the same journey, I am not carrying that with me any longer. If you feel like reconnecting please do, if you can’t stand me (why are you reading this), then I know that I am not part of your tribe and I wish you well upon your own journey.

Thank you to those who connect with me, have a relationship with me, take my bookings, answer my messages or Twitter posts and continue to be happy to share a tiny part of their lives with me! That is the gift that I have received on the eve of my 50th Birthday.

My love and best wishes for you own future!

Xx SP 22 December 2017.

Why Am I A Target?

Some personal thoughts on why I attract hatred.

It has been a challenging year, this annus horribilis of mine! I know many people struggle with far more than I have, perhaps you are in a dark place too, but we all have our own journey. For me, 2017 has been the worst year that I can remember.

Perhaps that is the real reason some people react to my writing and my Social Media with unbridled hatred. Seeing a privileged, pretentious and entitled middle-aged man, who thinks that his struggles are of significance. Of course, seeing someone who looks like they have ‘almost everything’, complaining about things, is a magnet for feelings of anger. Hell, I would hate me too … except that I am me!

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So Why Is 2017 A Bad Year For Percie?

Like most of us, I have certain perceptions of myself. This year has shaken them all, with the possible exception of my health. So yes, this year could still get far worse. Without going into great detail, at the beginning of 2017, I thought I was a good parent, a good business manager, a good friend, and fun to be around. On the negatives, my perception of being a good husband was already ‘in the toilet’, but I felt I was still a good family provider. In place of that, and relatively new to my self-perception, I felt that I was a good client of the Escorts that I was seeing, at least those that I had an on-going connection with. As I have said before in this blog, 2016 was the best year of my life by a country mile!

At the start of 2017, my business lost our biggest client, one that accounted for a quarter of our income. I had to fire some staff, close an office, and the rest of the year has amounted to a difficult rebuilding of a crippled business.  That has taken a heavy personal toll on me, and broken my arrogant self-perception. I don’t feel like a good business manager any more. I feel like an imposter who is out of his depth.

Then one of my wonderful Daughters tried to take her own life. I raced back from inter-state in a trance, my world had collapsed. At first it was just emergency stations, being strong and focused, so that everything could be directed at her health and safety. Slowly, over the balance of this year, we have become accustomed to this ‘new normal’, a house that is working around a profoundly depressed teen, and the collateral damage that causes for her sisters and the broader family. She is still here, an everyday battle, but we have had some victories and seen some progress. It is now, that the ’emergency’ seems to be passing, that I have realised how drained and low I am. The tank is running on empty.

This has made me question myself. I am not a good Father, otherwise how could this happen? I am not good at my profession. As a result I am not a good provider, husband or partner. All of my ‘personal image’, these false pillars that I perched myself upon, had crumbled. I knew I wasn’t a faithful or successful husband, seeking intimacy, physical connection and a last-gasp of youthfulness in secret, with Escorts. I knew my long monogamous relationship was coming to an end, and now even that painful but needed transition seemed a long way off. I needed to hang in there, be strong, and as much as I could, subsume my personal intimate desires for a while. I came very close to ending my year-long journey as a client of Escorts. But I am weak, and was not able to say goodbye to companions that I had come to love. My weakness became just another reason for starting to hate myself.

Enter Percie Blakeney!

The one thing that seemed to be ‘going well’, at the start of 2017, was my journey as a client of Escorts. Sure, in my first year I had made mistakes, they are documented throughout this blog. Silly, naive, social media posts, offering concert tickets publicly, and other minor mistakes made by an inexperienced (but public) client, and a man who hadn’t ‘dated’ in two-decades or had any level of sexual intimacy in almost half that time.

So what did I do? I directed some energy, almost as a personal release and self-therapy to writing a blog about the part of my life where I felt happy, comfortable and was free from the other dark corners of my life. I re-vamped an old Twitter account, and I started a blog, this blog, in March 2017. Stupid in retrospect, but that is what happened.

Given what was transpiring elsewhere in my life, and also the nature of a ‘self-reflective blog’, the topics covered related to things that challenged me or played on my mind. As a result, the articles reek of overthinking, narcissism, melancholy and a naive view of what can and should exist between client and Escort. All of this is true, part of my own journey and coming to terms with jealousy, love, abandonment, hope, and a full-range of other feelings on an emotional roller-coaster, made even more pronounced by what else was happening in my life.

Some people, especially some other middle-aged travelers (fellow clients) found resonance in these topics. Some Escorts, I feel those who have struggled with feelings for clients themselves, are romantic at heart, or tolerant and understanding about what certain clients feel, also saw some merit in my content. There were, and are, many Escorts and some clients who see a ‘red flag’ and feel intense anger at some of the things that I have written about, or what they have assumed about me as a result.

The Last Pillar Falls.

I felt that I was one of the most mentally strong people that I knew, having weathered a difficult childhood, bullying, and later in life a range of business challenges. Wow, what a delusion. Those lies that we tell ourselves. With my fatherhood, my marriage, my business all in turmoil, being trolled online, attacked by haters, and in some quarters bullied in this space, well that cocktail of 2017 poison got under my skin far more than it should have.

It hurt me more than I thought it would, and I didn’t always react well. With my tone at times becoming snarky, and occasionally engaging in debate with Escorts, showing hints of disappointment and distress, well that is a recipe for receiving more of the same. Show weakness or biting back, either action can bring down the wrath of others with an axe to grind.

Then apparently, in the minds of some, I became the ‘poster guy’ for disrespecting the industry. I thought I was celebrating it. Showing how amazing the providers are, how joyful the experiences are, how strongly emotive it can be and how a sensitive client might be able to navigate these emotionally challenging waters. I thought I was on the same side, supporting sex-work as an enriching and positive part of society. But no! My ‘light-hearted’ experience masquerading as a one-time male-Escort was apparently offensive. The idea that I might write a book, which might say revealing things, that might disrespect someone, well that was apparently offensive as well. Of course no one asked any questions, or read what type of person I was. These people that don’t know me, all assumed the worst, and made ridiculous and unfounded accusations. Not happy to just attack me, they were also happy to turn on anyone that supported me or disagreed with their militant and fun-less ‘take on things’.

Of course being in a weak state to resist this negativity, any sane person would wonder why I continued to blog. I wonder that often myself. I think the answer is because if I ‘gave it up’, it would be my last surrender in a sh^t storm of a year, in every part of my life. Complete surrender. The few people that kept sustaining me, supporting me, encouraging me to be me, stay on Twitter, keep writing and stay in contact, were a salve for my soul. Their positivity and support was stronger than the voices who didn’t know me and just decided I was good fun to kick in the teeth.

I think my blog is the only one by a ‘client of Escorts’ in Australia (I hope that is wrong by the way – but I’m not aware of any others), perhaps it is the only one even further afield. An oddity, by an odd, sad and naive little man. So I guess that makes it an even bigger target for people who don’t like client voices at all. It also made me feel that I if stopped, I wasn’t just giving in to the abuse, but I was letting certain other people down, those who had supported me, and a few loyal readers who seemed to have come to enjoy the conversations. I also enjoyed talking with them, an oasis from my real-life collapse.

My Lowest Point

Then in May 2017, my closest and longest-lasting companion retired suddenly. Of course, in true annus horribilis style that wasn’t all. Another close Escort broke off her connection to me with extremely aggressive verbal abuse. It may have been to end her own journey, making sure none of her closer clients tried to connect with her in post-retirement. Perhaps she just detested me all along. I also mistakenly thought that another adored companion was leaving to take up a full-time ‘patronage’ arrangement.

My three closest companions seeming to vanish at the same time, one retiring, one ‘spoken for’, and the third telling me I was a ‘piece of sh^t’. No, of course that wasn’t enough for a truly bad year! My online troll was at their zenith, another Escort I had met twice was actively disparaging me, someone else was going around the industry telling others that I was the reemergence of some ‘evil blogger’ from 2011. It sounds unbelievable even to me, a writer of fiction wouldn’t have so many story threads running at one time. Just to rub ‘salt-on-the-wound’, another Escort I respected immensely, told me that the trolling was probably ‘all in my mind’. Other close Escort connections from before I started blogging seemed to be ‘distancing themselves’ from me, as a result of the blog and the negative industry attention that I was starting to get. Hell, I would have done the same if I was in their shoes.

I started to fully believe the negative voices: ‘you’re not cut out to be a John’, ‘you shouldn’t be allowed to be a client’, ‘you’re a sad loser’, ‘entitled narcissist’, ‘if I saw you in the street, I would run you over’, ‘I’m going to out you and destroy your career’, and ‘once you stop paying, no one you have ever booked will ever think of you again, or ever make contact – you’ll die a sad, lonely and broke old man’. The last one got to me the most. This clever person had worked out what I thought to myself in the darkest moments. Exactly what someone like me says to themselves, when they are at their darkest ebb.

Even still, I tried to stand strong, keep writing, pretend it wasn’t really getting to me. The problem is my self-belief collapsed under this relentless attack from every direction. Mostly distress at my daughter’s illness, compounded by my business issues, and then my last remaining resolve just ‘bleeding-out’ with these little additional cuts, coming from the darker parts of this industry.

I was in a strange place. I was loosing the ability to make decisions, stick to things and see clearly. I was flip-flopping on a weekly, daily and sometimes hourly basis. Celebrating one day, a cry for help the next. Supporting someone online one minute, and then fishing for support or endorsement the next. I would talk about writing more blogs, then say online that I was about to quit. This indecisiveness and changing persona must look from the outside like madness – it certainly brought even more vultures in to pick over my online carcass.

Apparently in the eyes of some, I had to make a decision, or be a certain way, and then stick to it. I’m not sure why people care if I change my mind a thousand times, but apparently that isn’t allowed. Somehow, changing my mind was even seen as proof of my apparent disrespect for the industry. I don’t get that logic either.

I have been blocked by one Escort I have met and one fellow client I have met. I have been blocked by dozens of Escort’s, photographers, clients and industry followers that I have never met. I’m sure that I’m on some people’s ‘bad client’ list(s), although no one has ever told me why, what it is that makes me a bad client. I have many times started to think they must be right, and if they really wanted me to believe it, my last barrier would fall if they just gave me that final reason. What is the harm that Percie has caused for which he should disappear? You can see how close I have come from abuse alone, provide one logical reason, and given where I stand at the moment emotionally – you could save the industry from me in one fell swoop.

Where To From Here?

I don’t know. I have lost another real-life friend recently and I am at that age where others are battling health issues and others will fall soon as well. As I said at the start, I at least have my health. My youth will soon be gone. My long-term relationship is likely to end for good and for bad before long. My business will recover, it is recovering, and I hope that next year, that problem at the very least will be gone. Most of all, my Daughter is still here with us, and we are making slow process, sometimes forwards, sometimes backwards, but she is alive and I love her and I am doing everything that I can to keep her here. She is a truly beautiful person and the world needs her far more than me.

I loved my companion that retired this year. I know that was stupid, but the heart wants what the heart wants. My processing of that absence in my life has made me worse. I am worse to be around, I am a miserable melancholy soul, beating myself up for my own tragic feelings, impossible love, failures and roller-coaster decisions and moods.

Then there are others that I love too. As I have said, many Escorts are simply the most amazing people I have ever met. For whatever reason, they feel like ‘my tribe’, even if I am not welcome in theirs. There are a few in particular that I have feelings for at a level that I shouldn’t. This multi-person love makes me think I can no longer consider myself monogamous or at least permanently monogamous. That is a very unexpected change in my consciousness and a surprising outcome from my journey as a client of Escorts. Also surprising to me, is my still growing desire for emotional experiences, and deeper explorations of my truest feelings. The ‘me’ of ten-years ago would not even recognise the person that is here now on this journey.

This change is what I am hanging on to. The idea that it is a profound transition, that is taking me somewhere new, and making me a better person. At the moment my moods, flakiness and struggles to get past certain things, are making me a problem. My writing is erratic. Until I can finishing processing some losses and struggles, I don’t think I make a very good client for the Escort’s that care for me the most. I wonder why they persevere with me, and I struggle to believe their generosity and friendship is real. In part because my experience with other Escort endings has been hard, final and in some cases traumatic. Also because I am struggling in general, and not always listening to good-voices. Mostly because at the moment I don’t think that I am worthy of their care.

I could leave for a while. I could quit being a client for good. I could leave Australia and travel. I could stop writing. I could do more writing. I could do nothing different at all, and just keep swinging like a pendulum between joy and misery, driving those audiences that hate me on to even greater hatred. I really don’t know. My feeling is that I will try and just write and post while I am positive, go into hibernation when I’m not, and see out the rest of this year. I see 2018 being positive, I am envisioning it, I am taking steps to feel like I am in that space already, and that it is my new reality. A return to how I felt in 2016, but with more love, more to offer and as a better friend to those that I love.

I apologise to anyone I have upset or offended as Percie Blakeney. I pledge that I have never and will never disrespect this industry and its ethical participants. I apologise to myself in as much as I can manage it at the moment. Mostly, I apologise to the companions that I have grown to love, each in different ways, for my flakiness, my neediness and for whatever lies in store.

There are so many reasons in this article to hate me even more, but maybe if targeting me is your response, you know a bit more about the person on the other end, and maybe this time leave other people out of it.

Thank you!

Xx SP 16 October 2017.

“… Where are you now
Was it all in my fantasy
Where are you now
Were you only imaginary …”

Alan Walker

My Client Stages

How my journey as a client of Escorts has changed over time.

It seems strange looking backwards, to think that my journey as a ‘Client of Escorts’ has clear and distinct stages. Some relatively identifiable transitions and noticeably different periods. As I reflected on my journey in preparation for this unusual blog article, I felt great joy, but also rather profound sadness. Thinking about these phases is in many ways a personal meditation on the extreme highs and lows of my journey.

I am not suggesting that these stages apply to every client that sees multiple escorts and is active over an extended period. It is just what happened to me, so far, along the pathway of a two year adventure.

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The Beginning – Discovery Stage

I have written previously on how I began as a client, especially in the article ‘Becoming A Client’. Here I am talking in a less personal and more collective sense. A reflection on phases. Beginning with my first six-months as a client of the Escort industry. I don’t know how to explain this stage without sharing some numbers. Something that I have avoided in this blog until now, but my personal actions and the clarity of these stages, needs some explanation and some detail.

Over the first six-months, I met twelve Escorts. By the end of that first six-months, the three that I had connected with the most, I had met ten, eight and seven times respectively. Yes, I was hooked early and I did have a lot of bookings. I was careful in research back then, taking a long time to choose who I wanted to see. I selected in a slow and considered process, from a combination of online profiles and close observation of what these Escorts seemed to be like on social media.

I chose well. I was also infatuated with the Escorts that I met. It was such an exciting change from the lonely years that predated this journey. I liked pretty much all of the Escorts that I met, and I wanted to keep seeing all of them. I was trying to keep a growing number of connections open, and progress the strengthening connection with each of these different but amazing women. By the end of six-months, the only way that I could keep doing this, was to make more frequent bookings.

I was starting to realise that I couldn’t meet many new people and still keep seeing the Escorts that I had already met. As the first six-months came to an end, I came to my first sad realisation. This discovery dynamic of meeting new people, while continuing to see others I had met as well, just couldn’t keep going in the same way. It is pretty simple maths really, but who wants to consider maths in this type of emotional situation.

There is some change that comes with time in any case. Out of the first twelve Escorts that I met, four have since retired from the industry. In another two cases, the Escort is based somewhere that I don’t get to travel to very often, and as a result, they were single booking encounters. In three other cases, some of which you may have already read about on my blog, our individual connection ended. Often the ‘endings’ were not particularly pleasant. They never ended ‘within a booking’, but in the messages, complexity and communication spaces that sit in between these fantasy moments.

In fact the three ‘Escort relationships’ I have had that ended the most awkwardly, all started within this ‘beginning period’ and then ended in the next stage of my journey. I had fourteen, thirteen and eleven bookings with these three lovely Escorts. Even today, although the various reasons for ending contact were all appropriate, I still miss all three of these intimate connections. The adventures of those first six months were so new and rich with experience, it is hard not to reflect, remember and sometimes miss the sheer newness of that period. I think it was some sort of awakening – it was certainly a period of personal discovery and enjoyment for me.

Three of the wonderful Escorts from this first phase, I am still privileged to continue to book today. The number of total bookings with each of them is climbing, and it is amazing to be building on a connection that includes a lengthening history together. They have been with me as I have moved through these phases and it is hard not to view these connections as friendships, because they feel like deep, intimate and beautiful friendships. After all, they have weathered my changing phases and still agree to see me. They are deeply important women to me. Each in their own way, they have changed me, supported me, loved me, and given my whole journey a continuity that I would be lost without. The beauty in these relationships also protects me in darker moments, and when confronted with some of the less positive aspects of this industry.

The Explosion – Experience Stage

A lot of my blog articles talk about this stage. After all, I didn’t start bloging until I had been a client for over a year, so I was in the later part of this second period when I started to write. Articles like ‘Addicted to Escorts’ are probably a good illustration of this period of wanting to ‘experience it all’. That ‘kid in a candy store’ dynamic has its own set of issues, and I wrote articles like ‘Single Booking Sadness’ and ‘What Went Wrong’ when I was dealing with no longer being able to make repeat bookings with every wonderful Escort that I met.

I am not going to say how many Escorts I met during this period, that is a level of private revelation that I’m not ready to open up to at this stage. What I can say, is that I met a number of amazing women, that had they been bookings in the ‘Discovery Phase’, I would most likely have seen them on more occasions than I ultimately did. With some of these bookings, I think back to the Escort and our one or two bookings with great fondness, and have wondered many times, if I had met them at the start, or now, not while I was in a phase of expanding my experiences, would things have been different. I believe they would. Sometimes it isn’t about ‘who you meet’, it is just as critically about ‘when you meet’. I certainly met some Escorts at the wrong time.

Despite the challenge of trying to balance seeing established regulars with a rush of new first time experiences, I still met some Escorts that I continue to see today. Some are close companions that I have seen on a significant number of occasions. I guess the point that I’m trying to make here, is that a growing regular connection was just ‘less likely’ to start with a client who was going through this crazy expansion period. During this stage, there was an element of ‘loving the thrill’ as much as ‘loving the individuals’.

A lot of the ‘angst’ in my early blog articles came from contradictory emotions that emerged during this stage. A sort of battle between the emotions of desiring experience, learning and discovery, in a tension and conflict with emotions that are about the specific personal connections between two people. In some cases the individual connections got collateral damage from the bigger journey, self-discovery and overall adventure that was happening with me at the time.

The Equilibrium – Settling Stage

More recently, I have come to find some form of equilibrium. I don’t see that many new Escorts that I haven’t met before any longer. It happens, occasionally I want that ‘first-meeting’ adrenaline and thrill again. The chance of meeting another close connection. It happens. Recently I have met a few Escorts that I am thrilled to be getting to know and seeing again. If I hadn’t still had the occasional new booking, I would have missed out on meeting some of the Escorts that I adore. The reality however is that this happens slowly, over a longer period of time, and largely as someone else retires or the connection closes for some other reason with a longer established companion.

Overall I have less bookings, most of them are with people that I feel I have come to know quite well, and I feel that they know something about me too. It is a stage that also has its challenges. It is hard not to fall at least partially in love with someone who you desperately want to stay in your life. Some of the articles like ‘Loving An Escort’ and ‘Staying In The Moment’, talk about the challenges of ‘keeping it about the booking’, when there is a growing interpersonal connection and a person (or people) that you (and I mean of course me) are thinking about regularly. Sneaking into your consciousness and even into your dreams.

With these regular connections, there are songs, smells, places and other triggers that re-make the connection at random times. So it is fine to say, ‘keep it to the booking’, but my mind has a way of filling in the ‘in-between’ places as well. I have found in this more recent phase, the phase that I believe I am still currently in, that the ‘Post-Booking Melancholy’ can be profound and deep. These wonderful women have entered my soul and although I can ‘keep it to the booking’, and respect boundaries and honour the connection, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that is a challenge. It is challenging because there really is a form of love that lives in this space.

Future Stages

I don’t know what else is to come. As I wrote in ‘Changed Man’ recently, there are other sources of changes and forces on my life outside of this journey and inside it as well. I know that other Escorts that I am close to will retire at some point. I know that ‘buying moments’ is unlikely to remain my primary manner of sexual intimacy forever. So there will be other stages, I just don’t know what they are yet. Maybe a different sort of equilibrium, maybe a decline phase, or maybe an extended ‘hiatus’ or ‘gap’. I don’t know. Many of you who read my blog have been clients for much longer than me. Maybe you would like to comment on your own phases. Have you been, gone, come back. Or do you see things very differently to me.

Perhaps if you are at the start, in that wonderful period of discovery. Then the one bit of bad news, or good news, is that the one constant is that things will change. People come into your life and they go out of it. I feel like I have formed some emotional ‘scar tissue’ from having strong feelings, then loss, and then other new strong feelings. There is a pervasive sadness that builds and grows over time, but it is the price of the adventure, the dark contrast to the lightness of amazing memories and experiences. I can’t give up the sadness, because it is the garden that all these amazing experience are growing within. There is no going back, and there is no way in hell that I would ever want to.

For every companion that I have met, I hope that some of this makes sense to you in the way that it does to me. You have all had a profound impact on me, that has made me a better person, and these connections and experiences are still shaping me into an even better man.

To my three companions that remain from the very beginning, I really don’t know how you have stuck with me through this journey. You know that I love you, and I want to say thank you once again!

Thank you as always for your readership. I would love to hear your experiences, your stages and your opinions. To those companions still with me, I truly and deeply thank you for continuing to let me share moments together with you.

Xx SP 12 October 2017

Changed Man

Being a client of escorts has changed me forever …

I am sitting across a restaurant table from someone that I adore. I have been waiting for this moment for weeks, since the booking was originally locked-in. I am excited, nervous, my soul is buzzing. I know that the next four-hours will be amazing, they always are. However, I also know that with every passing minute, this moment is rapidly disappearing. A little piece of perfection, that will soon become another wonderful memory, in a pretend relationship with a regular Escort.

As a middle-aged man, who started this journey after years without love and intimacy, these experiences, this amazing adventure, has filled a void in my life. It has been an incredible ride, way beyond belief and far beyond my expectations. It has also changed me forever. I want more, I need more, I am alive again. I feel the youngest in spirit that I have in over a decade, and the result of this energy is a real personal need for transition.

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My Big Change

I am leaving my loveless and terminally ill relationship. I can’t pretend that an empty marriage, held together by obligation, is an appropriate way to fade into the oblivion of old age. I also can’t keep this secret life going in the way that it has for much longer. The amazing highs, and moments of what feels like real intimacy, have changed me. I am reawakened to intimacy, to love and to possibilities. As a result the gaps in between are getting darker, more melancholy and more depressing. I miss the highs, and I miss the wonderful Escorts, that I have these amazing moments with.

I appreciate that life is a journey with rich interpersonal moments, and I have gravitated to the idea of sharing intimacy with more than one person. However even that isn’t enough. I need someone or some people who are partners on the longer journey with me. I need at least one or two of these relationships of short-moments to have some longer duration. For a deep connection that is about more than the occasional, time-managed, moments. I also need to know that this person wants to be with me, for me, and off-the-clock, not just for the income or the patronage.

This change may not work, it might be impossible for me, a fool’s errand. I may not find anything approaching what I am looking for. Someone with a more open attitude to sharing intimacy than the other relationships I have had in the past. Someone with a more adventurous approach to love, travel, sex, unusual experiences and openness – basically more adventurous in every way.

If I don’t find it, that’s OK! I will come back to Escorts and other ways of sharing moments and intimacy, but I will do it in a far more transparent way. I enjoy being with Escorts, but I don’t enjoy doing it covertly and with permanent risk of discovery. I don’t enjoy living a lie if I don’t have too. When I feel that I am back ‘in personal integrity’ with myself, and honest with anyone that I am in a relationship with, then I want to share a life that is rich with sexual and intimate discovery.

What Brought About This Change?

This has always been a transitional phase of my life, a mid-life crisis if that suits your interpretation. I thought I would have some sex, some fun, and meet some interesting people. I didn’t think that it would completely change my perspective, and it really has fundamentally changed my perspective. I can’t live a boring vanilla life anymore. I can’t imagine a permanent monogamous relationship, where intimacy is confined to only one other person, forever. I want to share pathways, but have access to intimacy and meaning with other people as well.

The other problem that I have, is that once I become single again, I can’t imagine only getting this intimacy and connection from paid bookings with Escorts. It has to be some combination, and some of it needs to be about more than disconnected moments. Part of the journey needs to be with someone where the conversation, desires and plans for the journey ahead are shared. A story with two people in the designer’s seat.

For a while, I think I will need to drop or reduce paying Escorts for personal moments, so that I can see what else is around for me. What options and realities exist for building a more open and transparent connection with a woman that wants something similar.

Thank You!

I owe so much to the Escorts and fellow travelers that I have met. As a result of these experiences, I value myself more. I know some of the amazing things that are possible in a new life for myself. I have sought psychological, physical and emotional improvement. I have lost weight, I am getting fitter, I take more pride in my appearance and I have more fun. I have a sh^t-load of fun!

I am probably not going anywhere for long. I will probably be in touch with a lot of people that I have met on this journey. I will probably make bookings and be intimate with Escorts that I have met and that I adore, but it will be in a new and open way. Who knows, you may see my face, my real name and if I keep this Percie Blakeney character around, it will be because his persona was a valued part of this transition, and a part of the fun.

I don’t know exactly where the journey will take me now, and that is part of the fun. Thank you for getting me here and thank you to those who will be part of the next adventure.

I am not sure whether blogging and social media will still be part of my journey when I get back from my overseas trip. If not, I will leave all of this here for a while. If it is, then no doubt I will have new stories to tell and some may be about relationships and experiences that sit in between Escort bookings. Thank you as always for your readership, especially my repeat offenders and friends.

Xx SP 26 September 2017.

 

Growing Up

The journey starts to take hold …

I am an almost 50-year-old boy! Like a lot of guys, there is a teenager trapped inside, and I have been slow to learn emotional, life and important interpersonal lessons. Well the penny is starting to drop.

My almost two-year journey as a client of escorts is only part of my transition. It is an important part, and it has combined with some other difficult, painful and emotional transformations to teach me something. I am finally listening. Perhaps in some ways, I am finally ‘growing up’.

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Expectations of Seeing Escorts

I started this journey, as you can discover if you read ‘Becoming a Client’ out of a set of circumstances. I thought, after 10-years without real intimacy, and in a mid-life-crisis that it was about selfishness, adventure and rediscovering interpersonal intimacy. It was, and it wasn’t. I am not that guy any more.

My almost three-decade monogamous relationship looks like it is coming to an end. In the not too distant future, I will be a single, lonely, middle-aged and tragic figure. I would have expected to be looking for another long-term monogamous relationship, one that would see me through to the grave. That is what I thought. I wanted some memories before that declining last-chapter began. I wanted a bit of youth, some craziness and some sex and intimacy before resigning myself to old age and another attempt at an all encompassing monogamous relationship. After all that is what society expects.

That isn’t me anymore. I have new plans, and it is ironically the Escorts that I have met on the journey, that have changed my mind more than anyone else. Hotel bedroom and dinner booking ‘therapists’ that have shown me things about myself and shown me their own intimate journeys. Their desires, their demons, their lessons have helped me. They have also provided a mirror on my own issues and my own journey.

The Surprising Dynamics

I felt in some crazy way, that I could ‘road-test’ becoming intimate with a future soul mate by courting (seeing) Escorts. I know, madness right? I also felt that although the intimacy was purchased, it really was a ‘Girlfriend Experience’, again madness. So what has happened to me?

I fell in love. Of course I did, I was deprived of intimacy for more than a decade and Escorts for the most part are some of the most awesome and amazing people anyone could meet. Anyone who has read my blog knows that I have fallen hard (more than once). If I couldn’t have love, the I felt that I would give love, and hope for something to come back the other way. Anything really, just some care, some intimacy, some validation and interest. Also madness!

Despite my ignorance and stupidity, something that some parts of this industry depend upon from clients, I have been fortunate. In between my many mistakes, I have met some of the most amazing, and some of the most caring of people. Often, they have no doubt been frustrated with me. Head in hands, going “Bloody Hell Percie, what the fu^k are you thinking”, they have persevered with me. They have changed me. They have taken some real time and effort to help me!

My Friends

All of us meet friends in the most unlikely places. In fact, literally anywhere in our lives. Some friends and connections stick, and some don’t. I have been a very lucky client, as I think I have made a few on this journey. I know some clients write to me and say that they haven’t – and I am truly sorry if that is really the case. I have befriended a few fellow travelers. Perhaps more meaningfully, I have also been fortunate to befriend some Escorts. I have a friend in Sydney, we always have a great time together, and although we don’t see each other often, there are just too many things happening that we share for me to think that a friendship hasn’t formed. She is stuck with me!

I have a friend in Melbourne, although either of our eventual industry retirements will be a test, as I am a middle aged man and she is an amazing young woman. The same in Perth and the same in some other places, New South Wales, Queensland and even further afield. We are friends despite meeting in this industry, rather than because of it. I have also lost contacts I had mistakenly thought were friends. For a while that made me believe that every industry contact would end when the money stopped. Now I realise that is true in most cases, but it isn’t always true or some unavoidable rule.

In the situation where the money stops, and any artifice of friendship ends, if there is something else shared, a valuable exchange of another type between people, then a different future connection emerges. The possibility of a friendship that started within the moments together of an Escort-Client relationship. Some endings hurt as the reality becomes apparent. Now however I know, that in some rare and special cases, other connections will continue. I believe I now have a more mature engagement with this reality.

My Lovers

I don’t believe any of my paid companions love me. Sure I love some of them, but that is the nature of the industry, the gap between client love and escort accommodation of their clients, is the payment and the industry, that lets this dynamic and temporary reality happen in the first place. I will take friendship, and failing that, remembered experiences, as my wonderful result of this journey.

When I am single, I will be once again looking for love. I feel that I am now better prepared for this part of my journey. The challenge will be that I will be looking for it in an environment where I am open, integral with myself, and honest about my needs. I will be open that I have been a client of Escorts, and I may well be again. I know that reduces my chances of meeting people, but that is the approach I intend to take.

When that period of intensity of wanting to be in each others orbit, with nothing else intruding, that initial honey-moon of interactions is over, I will once again want broader experiences. I will want to invite others into my life. I will want to maintain a connection while exploring others. I will want to see other people, paid or unpaid, in an open and honest exchange and re-engage with people I have already met on this journey.

I know that sounds like a fairy-tale. I don’t have that much appeal to win love even in a classical model, let alone in some future utopian model of open relationships. But I don’t care. That is what I am going to do. That is what I will try. I am not ashamed of being a client of Escorts (past, present or future), I am proud of it. It has led me here. It has led me to a person that I actually want to be, a person that I am proud of, a person that needs more than one other person that I am sexually attracted to to be in my life, part of this life, sharing some aspects of the journey with me.

I still have a lot of growing up to do. But I am not going back to where I was and I have some of the most amazing people to thank for this transition. Sometimes these people are called Escorts. To me, they have been teachers, lovers, companions. In a few, a very small few cases, they are my friends.

Thank you for reading. I hope your journey is progressing too. To those most dear to me, I hope you see your place in this story and what you have done for me. I thank you. I love you. I hope I can be there for you as you have been there for me.

Xx SP 20 September 2017