45 and Out

Thank you and good bye!

Percie Blakeney Signing Off.

I have been struggling with my motivations for this blog and associated Twitter persona for a couple of months. To those who follow and know me, this will seem like one of those closing sales that never ends – closed, open again, closed and so on. Not this time, this is my 45th and final public blog article. It is a goodbye letter from Percie to you, and to me, the simple man who borrowed his persona for a short while!

My whole journey as a client of escorts in Australia has been an amazing one. The last four months of it, writing on my experiences, has been full of lessons as well. I have expressed and thought about topics of relevance to me, and I have seen what can happen, positive and negative, to public voices in an industry that has always been under siege. It has been a great experience, but it is rapidly becoming a nasty experience.

BookOfEtiquette

So why am I calling it quits?

At one point I was going to write some harder comments, but at the end, the only people who are likely to read this are not the same people to whom those comments would be directed. So the best answer is, the blog and the Twitter persona have given me all that I think they can, and there is little personal benefit to be had from continuing with them.

I have had a challenging start to 2017. In my real life, I have had a difficult year. Illness around and close to me, people departed and no longer with us for other reasons, and business and personal dramas – nothing that we don’t all face, and I am fortunate that my issues pale into insignificance compared to what many, maybe even you, are facing and dealing with right now. It’s simply that on top of that, I don’t need any more issues, and this account and this blog brings a set of unique issues all of its own.

It may surprise you to know that having a public profile as a client works against you not for you. A blog, makes this dynamic even worse. It becomes a source of stress that builds over time, being blocked, attacked, targeted and questioned because of an online profile and blog. I know every escort gets far worse treatment, and they shouldn’t, but if they are able to manage that, then their benefit is a marketing and financial end result. The difference for me, is that there is no end result, other than my own education and experience. The learning and advice is no longer enough of a positive to outweigh the negatives that come with this territory. Be assured, there are some very nasty negatives, from people who claim to be nice, honest, supportive and professional.

My departing thank you messages!

There are so many people to thank. I hope those of you dearest to me know this and that I have told you so. My thank you page on this blog is a pretty good indicator of how many people I owe a vote of thanks too. There are some people on that list, who have decided to attack me, rather than support me, but they are lessons too.

I am also reducing my involvement as a client (at least for a while). I doubt that will be permanent, the attraction to the experiences is just far too strong, but I need a rest and some other changes. I have some things to do as well that will help fix my other issues, and reset me on a better personal path. I will be seeing a far smaller number of people that I am close with during this period, but that will not be public any longer. I apologize if we have never met, there are a significant number of people I would really have liked to meet, but the reality of this change is that I am unlikely to see anyone new, at least for some considerable amount of time. There is even a good chance that some of the more vindictive voices have black-listed me and who wants to see a client who might write about his experiences anyway – perhaps you “dodged a bullet”, that is certainly what my ‘haters’ would tell you.

This blog was removed during July, but now the old articles will remain for anyone interested. The Twitter account will go into far more limited use. I have an archive of the blog (a PDF) that is available to anyone close to me, or any legitimate public industry platform that would like to use any of these works in the future. Be warned it is around 80,000 words and almost 160 pages in length – my personal cure and gift for insomnia. I will still be writing, but it will be private material only from now on, so that I can remember my own journey when I am in my dotage. I am privileged to have enjoyed these moments and I don’t want to forget any of them.

The Dark Parts

I am not your enemy! So often, especially recently, this has been how I have felt. I am not going to go into all the examples and details, but maybe think about how you class clients in general, and clients who are trying to be supportive of the industry online in particular. Also have a think about ‘who is the client’. When criminal behaviour, abusive behaviour, time-wasting, no-shows, offensive content and trolling are called by escort’s ‘client behaviour’, it places real-clients within a group that aren’t really clients at all. Everyone I listed above is a ‘non-client’ but they are spoken about as though they are. Real, respectful, paying, generous and caring clients have to deal with these stereotypes, as though we are about to do the same thing at any minute. The best way for me not to feel like this, is to stop seeing the associated social media, and to stay only in contact with people who know, trust and want to see the real me. I have been classified as a ‘hated client’ in some quarters and yet I have never done any of those things and many such ‘offensive clients’ wander around social media with impunity and even the support of certain escorts.

Customer service. A good client is a customer, a quality escort is an amazing supplier. Obvious right? I know this may not be a popular comment, but the level of customer service in general is not great, and from my experience it is getting worse. I have started to feel in some instances as though I am the supplier. As this comes to a close, I have had to cancel twice but I have been cancelled on more than a dozen times. I have paid for things I haven’t received many times. I promised I wouldn’t start listing things, but I can’t turn a blind eye to falling standards of professional behaviour any longer. The recent influx of new people includes some who are so entitled, what they believe should be coming their way staggers belief. I don’t think anyone owes me anything, but I certainly don’t owe some of the things that parts of this industry believe clients owe them. I will be sticking with people, nice people, quality escorts (if I have any forward bookings) where there is mutual respect and we fulfill each others needs.

Secrecy. Anything that needs sharing for safety, security and reasonable means makes perfect sense and should of course be part of the escort community. Sharing for entertainment, making fun of people, threatening people or just to tell a story is a breach of confidence. For all the Twitter traffic on poor client behaviour, everyone is silent on the level of nasty, careless and vindictive breaches of privacy that are currently occurring. Another area that is getting worse not better. I see males who have acted badly continuing on their merry way, and I see escorts who do terrible things to co-workers and clients also continuing with impunity. I can’t see this changing, but I don’t have to watch or see these people on social media any more.

The light parts.

The best experiences in my life have happened thanks to individuals who work as escorts and have seen fit to see me, have a moment with me, and for that time – really ‘be in that moment’ with me. That is the joy, the addiction, the memorable moment that is so joyful compared the drudgery, stress, pace and darkness of so many parts of the rest of our lives. Somehow, although that happens all the time when an escort and a client are together, it is not the vibe or impression that anyone would get from the volume of online conversation in this industry. The online representation does not match what happens when a good client and a quality escort are together.

Twitter has become a battle ground. Snapchat is moving human companions into digital content for consumption. Escorts are puling back to their online channels. Clients to theirs. There is nowhere online that isn’t starting to feel like ‘us-and-them’ territory. That isn’t what it is like when we are together – good client and quality escort in a wonderful moment isolated from the world. I have never felt like an ‘us’ in a booking with a ‘them’, not once. Yet that is how I feel online. Even the people that have attacked me, were lovely within a booking and made it a wonderful moment. That is how I feel when my blog articles are attacked by people I’ve never even met, who assume I have some agenda – an agenda they have created in their own head. I am going back to the physical experience of ‘two people’ spending time together intimately and dropping everything that feels divisive, leaving this hateful channel that pitches clients against escorts and escorts against each other.

Farewell

It is with huge sadness that I say farewell to Percie. This is an olde-world persona that was a lot of fun, even if not everyone appreciated being called Lord or Lady, by a dandy from the French Revolution era. Or a sign-off complete with the flower representing the ‘Scarlet Pimpernel’, Percie’s own anonymous persona. The literary connotations, period language, strangeness and of course the phallic elements of ‘Your Percie’ have been entertaining and a great distraction from all the other ‘shit I should have been doing’. I enjoyed being Percie for a little while.

Many of you have been so nice to me. People I haven’t even met. I will miss that. Almost everyone named on my thank you list, I will miss. That includes the people who no longer like me, I will still miss you. I only hang on to the good memories and I hold no grudges. Some of you I will be in contact with through other means, but I will still miss our interaction through this persona. I imagine some escorts fall in love with their own escort persona and find that a sadness when they retire – giving away that part of themselves. I think that is why it has taken me so long to make this decision. As I go back to just my real self, I will miss Percie, I had actually grown very fond of him.

For those of you who wanted this blog gone (or at least no new article) – pop the champagne corks. It isn’t really a victory, any time someone who is positive and supportive of the industry is shut down, that isn’t a good thing, whether you agree with their specific opinions or not. I will still read many of the escort blogs, they are great, and I would read any client ones too – you know, if there actually were any!

I have other reasons that I need to focus on a transition in my life. I spent a lot of money over the last 18-months, an amount many people could not imagine. My new pathway will include some selfish pursuits and sexual discovery, bit I also intend to re-channel that level of spending to channels that also benefit communities and other human endeavour. Other things that I can be proud of later in life, in the same way that I needed to rediscover my youth, my sexuality and some wonderful people – for at least the brief time that this part of my journey lasted.

Thank you so much. Be nicer to each other. Real clients and quality escorts are on the same side in most things. Please stop chasing the ‘real clients’ out of social media and from being a part of making this a far more socially acceptable industry.

Xx SP 17 July 2017 (updated as a farewell message 8 August 2017).

They seek him here, they seek him there,
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.
Is he in heaven? Or is he in hell?
That damned elusive Pimpernel!

 

I don’t mean to suggest that I loved you the best
I can’t keep track of each fallen robin
I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel
That’s all, I don’t even think of you that often

Chelsea Hotel No 2 – Leonard Cohen (Lana Del Rey version)

My End of Summer

Saying goodbye to an escort that I love.

All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey …

My long, beautiful, magical summer has come to an end. Everyone remembers their first, but my first was no ordinary first. I met someone, by good fortune alone, that was my personal angel. An old, old soul, but a young spirit, and what is even better, she was a ‘dark angel’, who better to take me on a journey of adventure. A long, extended magical summer of love!

I don’t know if it is possible to fall in love at first sight, but when she first walked into my life I was unable to speak, transfixed and the image of that arrival is still burned into my mind. This somewhat shy, bubbly, giggling and strikingly beautiful young woman, with steel and determination underneath, put me at ease immediately. My love for her has grown ever since. It was always a stupid, foolish, impossible love, but it was and still is my love.

AutumnRoad2

Now it is over.

Behind me is a glorious summer of experiences with this amazing companion, thankfully it lasted a long time and for a while, I felt like it would never end. Now I stand looking at a colder, darker, less certain path ahead. I don’t have my ancient, soulful, dark angel to guide me with her light spirit and her joyous touch. In the past, her words and advice never failed to bring me happiness. Pushing me on to great experiences and profound joy. Now she is gone. I am not exaggerating the depth of these feelings, this period of time was perfection for me. Change often comes quickly, and my personal ‘summer’ with her is over.

From start to finish we had twenty-one bookings together, I know that isn’t a lot for some people, but it is for me. Almost one-hundred hours spent together in each other’s company, and other glorious exchanges in between, there was not a single bad minute. The only regrets I have are that I did not tell her how I felt more often, and as I was also learning, I made some mistakes that hurt my longest-lasting companion along the journey. She took my short-comings and my slip-ups in her stride, taught me, helped me and most importantly forgave me – always with a softness and a grace that I hope I can learn to emulate one day.

What happened?

Her story is her own to tell, but it is a joyful end – she is moving on with her own journey in a positive way. Changing situations have brought our journey to a close and I am thankful that it is a happy parting. I can’t help but carry a broken heart at the moment – it comes from my own selfish loss of a connection that I had grown to depend upon far too much. Only now that it is gone, can I feel how deep it goes, it goes right to the core of my being. Those who know me, and some of you connected to me, you know that I have been a mess for a while – I am however moving forward in this new changed world, but at the moment, it is colder and darker one than before.

Others of you may see me as a tragic, naive and misguided figure. One of those lame, lonely punters who never got the joke, and fell for the illusions of impossible and pretend fantasies, created only within the confines of an escort booking. Stupidly thinking that something meaningful could remain outside of the paid experience. You are right – I am lonely, I am naive and I am tragic. You can hate me if you want, that certainly does seem to be a thing that happens to me as a writer in this client-escort world, far more than I expected, but I am getting used to, even comfortable with that experience too. The good news for you, if you are upset by my illusion, is that this pathetic middle-aged man hurts, the escort is free, and there is no more annoying adoration that she has to handle from me. The ‘beauty’ is free and the ‘beast’ is locked in his own self-made cage.

If you are more sensitive to my perspective, and one of the people that cares a little for me, then please don’t worry, don’t feel bad, there is so much to be happy about. For one thing, I know that my ‘dark angel’ really does care deeply for me (of course others won’t believe that, but I know it in my heart). Our parting as absent friends, lets me look back on all of our experiences together, and there were so, so, many of them, with sublime joy. I will never forget this ‘first summer’ of mine, and that of course was the whole point of spending so much time with someone who was just perfect for me. I hope that she will remember with some fondness little parts of our experiences together too. I hope that in future she remembers me with one-hundredth of the intensity that I will remember her.

In addition, I have seen how many other people have a soft spot for me in their hearts. I have never been such an emotional mess before in my life, and one new experience for me, is seeing people step forward with love and care – that is such a gift. I am humbled and emotional about that too. Thank you my friends. There have been some amazingly lovely escorts, and some other contacts who know these feelings, who have helped drag me out of this low place in my life.

This period has been an emotional storm. Some other real-life dramas just happened to be playing out at the same time. Just to make sure that I never forget the depths of this period, I also mistakenly thought that a second escort that I love was disappearing from my life as well. My two impossible fantasies were disappearing at exactly the same time. For a short and sharp period, I felt as though I had been shot, stabbed and dropped into a well, and then it was sealed up over the top of me with no light coming in. It is amazing how you read (or misread) things when you are already down low. That light has returned, my darkest days are gone. What I know now most of all is how lucky, and I mean perhaps the luckiest man alive, I am to have seen the care of so many people, and still be left with the most wonderful memories of ‘days in the sun’ with my Dark Angel, my muse, and my font of adventure. I will always love her, but I can move on with memories of our amazing times together.

So where to from here?

Firstly I hope that her journey is so grand, so wonderful that it is deserving of her – I want everything in the world for her. I want more for her than anyone else I know outside of my own children. Secondly, I am happy! The road ahead is a little unclear, but I have people to hang onto, guide me, and be in my life for the next chapter – there will be another summer and it may not be that far away at all. If my Dark Angel returns, then I will always, always be here for her with open arms. I am also cherishing other people in my life too, who have already shown me the quality of their soul and the lightness of their spirit. This journey has shown me some amazing, loving and brilliant people that I also want to be in my life. I am moving towards them and I hope that they want me in their lives too.

For a little while I thought about my own ‘retirement’. I seriously contemplated giving up this journey, stopping writing this blog, leaving Twitter and trying some completely new and different chapter in my life. I don’t know how the future will play out, and I am far more impulsive and reactive at the moment than I would like – just another emotional work in progress for me as a growing and hurting person. For now I see this blog, and my increasing level of comfort with this crazy Percie Blakeney persona (me with another name) as a likely part of my next ‘summer’ – for now at least. Besides, I can’t mothball this crazy, weird blog yet, because the memories, threads and emotions of my Dark Angel are woven through its every page. I will remember my first escort forever, my first summer and the strength that was offered to me by others when the leaves turned brown. (OK now if you must play the song – here it is, or this ‘sketch version’ if you would prefer a laugh).

The real song that tells the story of my companion, far better than this blog article does, is ‘Ride’ by Lana Del Rey, introduced to me by my Dark Angel herself. I highly recommend listening to it in full, loud and in a dark room. I can’t listen to it just at the moment without becoming a blubbering mess – I really have become an emotional wreck lately. I don’t even recognise myself sometimes, I like the new more emotionally connected me, but being so emotional can also be much harder at times.

There is a light ahead and it is getting stronger, but I will never forget how I got here. Thank you so much my love, I owe you everything! To those that are supporting me now, I love you, owe you and thank you so much too!

If you know or can guess the identity of this person, and the same applies with every article, please respect that this is meant to be anonymous and treat this as a work of fiction with fictional characters. Her story, her path, her future are her own. Please do not name her in any comments or social media.

Thank you so much everyone who has helped me – I don’t think you will ever know how much that means to me – I love so many of you (and now I have a thank-you page too). The richness, variety and lessons you give astound me so much – I can’t believe how much life I have discovered on this journey. Finally thank you again to the readers who put up with my silly blog. To the small few who really care for me, you know who you are, thank you so much – you have put my broken heart back together. I know many people hate hearing that the ‘paid escort-client’ relationships can be this rich and full of feeling – but they can and sometimes they are – and they can still be bounded by business and professional respect.

Xx SP 8 June 2017 (article updated 25 June 2017).