Percie the Escort

Providing intimacy for someone else …

What is it like to ‘turn the tables’? This is the tale of the day that Percie was fortunate enough, to get a small taste of what it might be like, to be a male Escort. Possibly a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be the provider of intimacy for a female client.

Now before everyone gets their ‘knickers in a twist’, no one is suggesting that this is an authentic account of what being a male Escort is like. For one thing, I don’t have what it takes. It is however the true account of what it feels like for a long-standing client of escorts, to come as close to a ‘role change’ as possible, for a single experience. It didn’t teach me what it is like to be a male Escort, but it did teach me some other very interesting lessons.

PercieGifts

So How Did This Experience Come About?

It began on Twitter. Isabella Lawrence @SensualIsabella and I had been connected on Twitter for some time. When I started blogging, I began getting comments, both public and private from Isabella about the articles I was writing. I don’t think she liked my blog very much at the start, and was harsh but helpful on some of my naive early client views. Isabella is a writer as well, and has a lovely style and very interesting blog. We chatted in Twitter Private Messages (PMs) and started sharing part of our stories with each other and a connection built. I think she started to like me a little and I liked her, and our communications grew in frequency.

As a result, we agreed that when I was planning to be in Queensland later in the year, we would catch up for a coffee. We would meet face-to-face for the first time, discuss our mutual interests, our blog writing, and get to know each other a little better. Isabella and I had discovered that our other areas of work overlapped in the same professional field, and we started comparing notes, stories and even some professional support as part of our growing connection. We discussed what form the Queensland meeting would take, and settled on a companionship booking and either lunch or dinner – I would be the client obviously.

Then in mid-year, Isabella announced that she would be coming to Sydney for a visit. The visit was connected to both her escorting work and her other professional activities. Given our recent dialogue around her other professional field, we discussed the possibility of moving our first meeting forward, and grabbing a much earlier chance for a face-to-face meal in Sydney. Somewhere along the line, the conversation started to include joking banter about her booking me as her male companion for her upcoming Sydney business trip. A fun and unusual way of extracting some mentoring for her other work, and combining it with some personal intimacy. Initially it was a joke. In the early discussions, it was light-hearted ribbing and neither of us were taking it seriously, but it was a fun exchange and we both kept it going at different times.

I never believed that anyone would want to book me and pay me for intimacy. Isabella was having some fun, relieving boredom online, and I believe honestly letting me know that she was interested in taking our online conversation into a real-world one. In July, a month out from her Sydney visit, the joke become more serious and then a real conversation about logistics started to happen. How would it work in practice? Would it be OK? Would we both be comfortable with that dynamic? I was ‘sh^t scared to be honest, and I imagine that her own nerves and anxiety at the plan of booking me as her male companion were heightened as well. Suddenly we both agreed it would go ahead as a lunch booking on the 3rd of August, when we would both be in Sydney. It was locked in and it was going to happen.

SP-Prep

The Lead-Up To The Booking

We both nearly cancelled the idea on a number of occasions. Both of our insecurities were strong and laid bare. I didn’t know if I could play the part of a Male Escort. I didn’t have the physique, the skills, the youth, the Viagra or any idea, despite my significant experience as a client, on what I should do and how to do it. Isabella seemed to be concerned that she was not my type of Escort (or client), explaining that she was different to most of the Escorts that she had deduced I was booking. We both assured each other that there was no issue, and we had lovely exchanges of messages that reduced our mutual anxiety.

If we were going to do this, I wanted the experience to be as authentic as possible. I knew it was a sham of course, but I still wanted it to be a different and unique experience. It was a sham, because I knew her online, she wasn’t some unknown client with all of the uncertainty, risks and first meeting anonymity. I knew what she looked like, I knew she was a professional escort with all of the skills, comfort and easiness that would bring to the booking. It was a role-reversal pure and simple. I had to try and be the attentive provider, establishing my boundaries and rules, but still trying to live up to the wishes and dreams of my client. She was going to be able to play the client, deciding what she wanted from the booking and letting me know what her desires were and how I could try and satisfy them. At one point she joked that she could play the part of a deliberately difficult client, if I really wanted to see ‘authentic’. That alone was an arousing and intriguing thing. Could I satisfy my client, even if it was more act than reality, especially if they were making it challenging for me?

I went and purchased condoms, lube and other paraphernalia. I had a haircut, purchased some new clothes and an ‘out-call’ bag. I always prepare for my bookings as a client, but I wanted to be the best provider that I could be, and I went to extra effort. It was all part of the fun, and it was also enjoyable to talk about the difference of this experience online. We slowly went from ‘keeping it quiet’ to sharing little bits and pieces of the lead up on Twitter. Isabella told me that if I was a ‘real Escort’, I would need a profile. So I made one up, sent it to her and then posted a version of it on Twitter as well.

PB-Bio

The Booking – Lunch

I arrived at my hotel in the morning and my room wasn’t ready. I needed to get in, shower, put my long planed preparation in place and be calm and ready. I had organised an early check-in, but the last guest had held everything up by leaving late. My first real lesson came at that point. I was so much more anxious. I couldn’t message my Escort and say lets meet somewhere else, or the room isn’t ready yet. I was the provider, it needed to be perfect and I didn’t want my first thing to be an excuse about a problem caused by someone else. I begged and argued and finally got into my room, with 20-minutes before I needed to leave for lunch. It was far more stressful than being the client and just updating an Escort on external problems – I didn’t want any external problems, I wanted to be the perfect companion and be ready and on time.

I arrived at our lunch at the agreed time, just, it was a close thing. Isabella was already at Rockpool in Sydney and she got up to greet me. I nearly tripped on a chair and it spoiled my planned introduction. I could feel little glossy sweat beads starting to form on my forehead, from the really strong nerves I was feeling. We sat and I hid my hands under the table to try and remain cool and look as relaxed and debonair as I could manage. We broke the ice quickly. It was an easy conversation, with lots of laughing and it was all wonderful and amazingly natural. I did start to forget that I was meant to be ‘providing’ the companionship. Isabella is a natural and an amazing conversationalist, so this was hardly an authentic experience of having to work hard to get a conversation going, or find common ground, or deal with the menu and fine dining issues of someone less experienced. Anyone dining with Isabella is in for a great time – and we sure had a great time.

My only lesson or difference of experience here, apart from the opening nerves, was a surprising one. It was something I should have realised, but it caught me completely by surprise. I wasn’t paying for the lunch, so all of a sudden intense anxiety hit me about what was the right approach to ordering – did I need to go cheap, mid-range or take Isabella’s offer, the same one that I make all the time, have whatever you want. I went mid-range with the meal and the wine, which at Rockpool is still an extravagance. It wasn’t exactly what I would have ordered if I was paying, especially the wine, but it was close. It made me wonder that when I said ‘have whatever you want’ to companions, how restrained were they really being? How were they making their judgements on what to order? How in future could I really, really convince them to relax and order whatever they really wanted to eat and drink and have a good time. This is a subtle difference between client and provider, but it surprised the hell out of me and made me angry at myself that I hadn’t thought of this difference before.

It was an amazing lunch, really first class and Isabella was magnificent. I hope that I managed to play the part of provider well enough. I did try and shut up about myself and listen more to her, ask her questions, and let her have the lunch conversation that she wanted, but hell, I’m a talker and it is hard to change that in one go. I think I did OK.

SP-View

The Booking – Dessert

We went back to the Shangri La hotel in a taxi, holding hands, continuing to laugh and taking our time as Isabella was recovering from a recent knee injury. I knew she was in a fair bit of pain, but she was pushing on. I was in a really comfortable place, and I was thinking to myself, I want to show Isabella the best possible time that I can. I know I can’t ‘rock someone’s world’ with professional male Escort skills, but I wanted to be intimate, be of service and make her feel good about inviting me.

Isabella had selected me. She actually wanted to meet me, see me, treat me and be intimate with me. That is amazingly special. It is hard even to write this, because it is making me emotional all over again. I have had girlfriends, been married, and even been propositioned for affairs (on very rare occasions), but I had never before had someone choose me in this way. It is nice when Escorts indicate that they are close to me and are happy to accept re-bookings. It does make me feel special as a client, but I am still paying to see them.

It is something else entirely for someone to actively choose me. I wonder now when I see aggressive complaining about minor client annoyances, happening on platforms like Twitter, whether these more seasoned professional Escorts remember, how few people actually get to be chosen in this way. I found it very special, humbling and fulfilling to have the feeling, even for just a moment of role-reversal, to be chosen to be someone’s paid companion.

Almost anyone can be a client. If they make the right approach, are decent, have the money and behave the right way, they can see amazing Escorts. Not many people can be Escorts. Develop a brand that has personal and intimate appeal, make others want them so badly that they will pay, over and over again, and often fall for them. It is special to be of service and to be wanted. Isabella made me feel so special, it is probably the most desired I have ever felt in my life. Someone wanted to be with me badly enough that they would pay me for the privilege. Even in the pretending of this, it was a special moment where I got lost in the role reversal and saw how much of a gift being desired is.

We spoke more. Isabella told me that there was no pressure, we didn’t have to go through with anything and we could just talk and have fun. We did a little of that of course, but I wanted to get intimate with my client for the day, and try and make her happy with me. I did OK again. I wish I had done better, but nerves and self-imposed pressure played their part. I was turned on and hard, no Viagra required, and was having a great time physically, but I admit it was lucky that Isabella was a professional. Despite our role-reversal, it was clear who was the novice (me) and who was the expert (Isabella).

SP-Wine

I don’t know how Escorts manage time, I was terrible. I had always intended to go over time, but I really had no idea, and hadn’t really prepared myself for being ‘on-the-ball’ with alarms, or a discrete clock, or some other way of knowing and managing the time. In the end, I left at close to 6pm, about 90-minutes more than our agreed 4-hour session. I was having a great time, I would have stayed longer, but you know, professional boundaries. Of course Isabella also let me stay until then, so she was cutting me some ‘rare experience’ slack as well. I had a wonderful afternoon, it was an amazing and unique experience, and in many ways it was really pure. Two people that thought they might get along, finding out that their expectations were right. I know Isabella will never book me again – I’m simply just not male Escort material, but I will book her. She is a wonderful Escort.

The Aftermath!

Isabella gave me a card, a gift (Whisky of course) and my fee, a once-only special ‘newby discount’ rate of $50 for what turned out to be a 6-hour lunch. Far more than I’m worth. That payment is “going straight to the pool-room” – framed and honoured. The one time that Percie was paid for sex, the day gravity turned up-side down, water ran up-hill and time went backwards. The day that Percie got to pretend to be a male Escort. Thank you Isabella for a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Now whether I had prepaid Isabella for this to be a role-play or not, really shouldn’t matter to anyone but us. Regardless of that, we both knew that this was pretend, a fabricated experience. Isabella is a professional escort, I am a client. That is the world and although this experience probably taught us both things, especially me, it wasn’t real. No one suggested that all of a sudden Percie was an escort, but despite that, Twitter went into a mini melt-down!

A number of our connections had been celebrating the lead-up, the fun and games of the preamble, and then the booking itself. We both left the day thinking that we had shared our wonderful experience with some of our Twitter buddies. The next morning was a different and nasty world. Apparently we had committed some huge offense against humanity. Some was directed at me, some at Isabella, we both got more than our fair share of haters. Apparently somehow we had disrespected the industry, some smack-in-the-face for struggling workers. It was said that my ego was running wild, that all of a sudden I thought of myself as some gun male Escort. Of course none of the haters asked, none of them discussed, and none of them tried to understand the story or even take a look at the lead-up. Since this was something different, they jumped in, with their own agenda, their own issues, and their own viciousness. A little Twitter campaign against Isabella, or me, or both of us ran for a few days.

The level of nastiness drove Isabella to an asthma attack and hospitalization. In my case, I am actually appreciative of the outcomes. It showed me some vicious people to avoid, it showed me some people that I thought would support me that didn’t, it showed me some that supported me privately, and it showed others that despite the significant personal risk to themselves, didn’t hesitate to jump in and support me. To those that sent me private well wishes, thank you so much. To those that put themselves on the line, I really don’t know how to thank you, or if I will ever be able to repay you – but I know who you are, I love you, and I saw first hand the quality of people that you are. Brave, lovely and like me, stupid enough to jump into social media storms, when far more sensible people would steer clear.

I’m not worried for me, but the malice directed to Isabella is unforgivable in my opinion. The people who complain about their own trolls, haters and aggressors that can hypocritically turn on a lovely and sensitive colleague – well I guess you know what I think. Somehow she is more forgiving of you than I am, so if you still think harm was done here, it was my doing and not hers.

I have this strange feeling of joy at the experience and meeting Isabella. Thankfulness at the insights and lessons that it taught me. Also some thankfulness in knowing who to trust and who not to trust. Plus residual surprise at how these crazy Twitter storms grow and progress, and who it is that seems to want to fuel them.

I am no Escort. I am a pretty simple average guy who is a client of sex workers. I write on the experience occasionally. I make mistakes, I have issues and I stuff up. This wasn’t one of those ‘stuff-ups’, it was always respectful of this industry and if anything, it has given me even more respect for the challenges of being an Escort – especially when solidarity and support within the community goes missing.

Update May 2018

For some reason, some people still have a problem with this whole idea and booking. No one actually wants to say it out in the open, or explain their specific issue. Why it is OK for an Escort to see what it is like to be a client, but clients are not allowed to be paid for sex or have anything like that experience. I missed the rule book on this and I still miss it. If one day I wanted to try my hand at being a mature aged Male Escort, surely a long history as a client would be of benefit. Anyway, perhaps I’m just engaging with troll and haters and perhaps most people see this for what it was – a one off experience and a bit of fun. It still gets me a lot of hate mail.

Thank you for reading. I hope that you can respect Isabella and leave her alone or show her your support. In my case, see this tale however you want. A fun role-play, an ego maniac client, a blight on the industry, or just a guy on a journey. It has cured me of thinking I can somehow get everyone to like me – that lesson alone was worth the experience. To Isabella my companion for the day, it was special, you are amazing, and I love you for being part of this with me. Thank you so much!

Xx SP 7 September 2017 (updated 22 May 2018).

Becoming a Client

The journey of one client – how did it begin?

Why did I become a client of escorts?

Everyone has a ‘how did it begin’ story. Clients, and much of the world at large are interested in how escorts began their journey. Less interesting is how clients began, but since it ‘takes two-to-tango’, here is the story of one of them – me.

When I started as a client, it was the mid-point of a part of my life-journey that is still unfolding. Many of the causes I didn’t realise at the time, and I’m sure many of them I’m still to learn and appreciate, but this is what I know so far.

SydneyBridge2

What was happening when I first booked an escort?

It was the convergence of a few things, each with their own timeline. Firstly, I hit an age where there are more days behind me than days left in front of me – no matter what I like to tell myself. Secondly, I was traveling a lot for work, and spending many, many lonely nights in glamorous hotels. Finally, I was not happy in many parts of my life, including within the intimate, sexual, love and friendship aspects of my life – and this had been the case for a very long time.

I guess this is not uncommon and is almost a text-book (if there was a text-book) case of both a mid-life-crisis as well as an on-ramp to booking the services of Escorts. Despite this, it did take a long time for me to gain both the inclination and the courage to make that first booking – I put up with this scenario for a long time, years in fact. Against these forces, I was building a successful business, bringing up children, putting on weight and telling myself I was doing a good job. Telling myself that I was happy, lucky and successful. I wasn’t happy!

The trigger (or catalyst).

A close friend of mine died suddenly of a heart attack. Like me he was under-50 and had shared a very similar life. A close circle of us were dramatically impacted, and we all had the natural response of thinking, that could very easily have been me. You make an assessment of where you stand in a moment like that – and I didn’t like how that self-assessment looked.

I had so many things that I wanted to do. Things I had been putting off. I wanted to travel, see shows, sports, and places that I hadn’t got around to seeing yet. I wanted to make mad, passionate love, try sexual things that I had not yet experienced, and find out sexually what I liked. Yes, I had been out of sexual intimacy for so long, that I didn’t even know what I wanted or liked anymore, or even what was possible. I didn’t even know my body properly (a story for a future article) and believed personal image things about myself that I’ve since learned were not actually true. I wanted a shot at being young again, before it was forever too late.

The ‘on-ramp’ to booking escorts.

Initially I did make changes. I told myself, in very clear terms, that I needed to be selfish. I needed to take time away from work and home that was just for me, and realise that things I had been telling myself were ‘for me’, were actually just things I needed to do because of the world I had built around myself. Learning to be a bit more self-centered may come easily to some people – it remains a difficult path for me. I fight guilt at having a secret life and focusing on my own enjoyment above the needs of others.

In the early days, I went along to a strip-club while traveling with some work connections – something I normally refused or managed to avoid. I also went for non-sexual massages and then later some more deliberately erotic ones – although I’m yet to experience Nuru – something still for the ‘bucket-list’ (actually since the original article – I have ticket this experience off). I also watched more porn, not that I hadn’t before, and in retrospect, it wasn’t porn that I needed, it was deeper human contact and intimacy.

After a few strip-club visits, I met a dancer who would meet me at my hotel after her shift. Our arrangement was that I bought her room service dinner and paid the equivalent of a one-hour private dance. At the start it was a private dance (only) and then a late dinner (well more an early breakfast) and lots of talking. Later it was just talking and eating as the dance was only an excuse for me to have her with me as company, rather than being always alone.

We spoke about how stripping worked around the world, her immigration issues, our friends, our lives, our current issues, and what we wanted to achieve in our lives. This only lasted a few months, before I realised that I actually needed the sex too, and that wasn’t part of our arrangement. Every sex industry participant has their line, the area that is comfortable for them, and their boundaries. We wished each other well.

Booking my first escort.

Having decided that I was going to see an escort, I did what I always do, try to gather some knowledge. Early in my ‘research’, I came across the relatively new (at the time) Scarlet Blue website. I decided that of all of the avenues I had found online so far, it seemed to suit me the best. Their approach was clear and straight-forward and the way the escorts were marketed to prospective clients seemed to have some elegance and strong support of the workers, devoid of some of the sleazier and more degrading things I had come across elsewhere on the Internet.

I took my time trying to decide who I should meet first, and I observed a number of escorts through their social media activity, trying to get a little bit of a clue as to what they might be like in person. Eventually I made my choice and sent a text message request to the escort I wanted to see – even that was a nerve wracking moment.

Booking request.

I knew nothing (John Snow – sorry couldn’t help insert the Game of Thrones reference here). In fact less than nothing. I didn’t know if what I was doing was legal or illegal. I had no understanding of the etiquette, rules, and whether I would actually be meeting the person I thought I would be meeting. I was actually the most nervous about being a middle-aged guy meeting a beautiful young woman.

My text message must have been hilarious. It was too long, too much irrelevant detail, too confused on when and where, and most of all went into great lengths asking if I was an acceptable client, being middle aged, overweight, inexperienced and nervous. I wish I still had the text and the response – it would be amusing to so many of you. All I can say is that the escort was a true professional and put my mind at ease immediately. Obviously she thought the ‘age and fitness’ stuff was hilarious, but simply told me that made me a perfectly average client for her. The booking was made and I was due to see my first escort on my next interstate trip, about three weeks in the future.

My first booking.

During those weeks, I got called interstate again. Sitting bored in a hotel room, and having already committed to this path, I made a short notice booking with another escort. The booking didn’t go well. It was a combination of nerves, in-compatibility and some other aspects that weren’t clear to me at the time. I discovered later that the escort I saw was having major personal issues and shortly after our booking left Australia for good.

It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t good on a number of subtle levels and it would have prevented me from continuing as a client, if it wasn’t for the other booking that I felt I needed to honour. I don’t want to detail the issues of the first booking, they may be too identifiable, but I went into my second booking with even more nerves and trepidation.

My second booking.

Really my first booking, but my second escort meeting, it was the exact opposite of the first – it was amazing. The escort who arrived was exactly, no let me restate that, far better in real-life than in her profile. She greeted me affectionately, was a little nervous herself, bubbly, chatty and a real ‘presence’ in the hotel lobby. It was a three-hour booking, and ended up with two intimate sessions interspersed by us taking a break for some room service.

The exact memory of it is fading a little with time, but little things stand out. Smiles, time in the shower, great kissing, giggling and some real intimacy. Authentic openness about our lives, what we liked, and the rapid rush to intimacy that all the great first bookings have as a part of their dynamic. I was hooked, I was a client of that wonderful escort (and I was a client of hers for a long time, until her retirement), and I was also addicted to being a client of Escorts more generally.

Like a lot of us clients, we owe so much to the escorts that take us by the hand and show us the ropes, in a way, it is like loosing your virginity all over again. In my case, I owe my companion so much. She continued to see me, teach me, and support me along this wild journey as other companions have since. If there is such a thing as a modern-day muse, then I chose my first escort well, even after her retirement, she remains a source of inspiration for me still.

Hooked as a client.

I have fulfilled many of the ‘selfish’ ambitions I set for myself. I have traveled, I have seen and done more, but perhaps most of all I have become an ongoing client of the independent escort industry and of some specific escorts in particular. Almost all of my experiences are amazing and the escorts I continue to see are unique and I adore them each in their own way. There are many other stories for future articles, so far I have included becoming ‘Addicted to Escorts’ and ‘Why Multiple Escorts?’, however there are so many other aspects and stages of the journey, but for now, that is the story of how this one person became a client. I think just one more thing needs to be said …

What being a client means?

My life is not fully sorted, after all it is a journey. Being a client also means I have two lives – a secret one that I can only speak about with industry participants and here on these pages, and the ‘muggle’ one that I continue to live within as well. I guess some people, escorts and clients, can merge these two worlds, but many of us, again both clients and escorts, have to keep them apart (the subject of how we are all ‘Secret Keepers’ is covered in another article on this blog).

As a client, I have become happier (and at times sadder – it can be a roller-coaster of emotions), I have lost a significant amount of weight, become healthier and I think I am slowly becoming a better lover, friend and person. I still have lots of things I want to experience, now that my eyes have been opened to some of what is possible. I am still a ‘babe in the woods’ as far as the sexual experience side of the journey goes, but I have ambitions to learn more and experience more.

I also think my views on many things are changing (topics for another article). I don’t think most humans have their intimate, sexual and spiritual worlds worked out. Most of us are captive in a restrictive, false and hurtful model. This industry can’t change that alone, but I think it gives many of its participants other pathways that should become more mainstream.

I am not giving up being a client – it would seem like someone who has seen a glimpse of the future going back to a world they know is broken. I think that because this ‘secret world’ has moments that are so pure and amazing, it also creates connections that are equally powerful. My challenge is to find balance and not attach too much meaning and need to the connections that I experience. That is hard, because the majority of escorts are simply the most amazing people that anyone could ever hope to meet!

Thank you for reading. Sharing, comments and your readership is greatly appreciated. Thank you also to the wonderful companions that still share time with me and continue to teach me, make me feel alive and share intimate moments with me.

Xx SP 23 April 2017 (article updated 28 May 2017 and again 8 April 2018).

My journey, a beginning

Why this blog? My journey as a client of sex-workers.

A little on my reasons for writing.

This article (originally from 6 March 2017 and adjusted slightly when republished on 31 March 2018) was a beginning for me — in the sense of talking publicly, and in a longer article format, about my experiences. The emotions, humour, sadness, loneliness, encounters and the nature of being a client of sex-workers.

I am not claiming any special experience, insights or right to speak. Although I am not new to seeing escorts, I am not suggesting my experience is the same as the experiences of anyone else, nor am I speaking on behalf of anyone else. My story is mine alone, with all the limits of my personal flaws, prejudices and emotional constraints.

(Note: This introduction post has had a little update on 31 March 2018, after a further 61-blog posts written over the year that followed the original launch of the this blog. Key themes haven’t changed much, but it is now, once again the first article, as I relaunch this platform. Welcome, or as the case may be, welcome back.)

Bedroom

Deciding to start a blog.

I am a lonely middle-aged Australian. I started seeing primarily private escorts a little more than two years ago, and I have had the wonderful privilege to have been able to make a relatively large number of bookings during this period. That doesn’t make me an expert on anything, in fact the more I experience, the less I realise I actually know. Plus my mind changes all the time on what I think about this journey!

The articles that I intend to write are primarily personal experiences. Strange things, beautiful things, bad behaviour, good behaviour, the range of experiences, post booking melancholy, post booking joys, the challenges and joys of being a regular, falling in love, setting expectations and most of all, how I have felt while I have traveled upon this journey.

Beginnings as a client of escorts.

My actual entry as a client of sex-workers is boringly vanilla. I only admitted to myself later that it is a sort-of rolling mid-life-crisis. The event that happens commonly when what is left of one’s life is shorter than what is behind. In this moment one may find, as I did, that they are unhappy with where they find themselves and their experiences. Such a life change, is often a dramatic one, including the desire to grab hold of youth and rich experience, before the chance is gone for good. My actual ‘entry’ story is detailed more in ‘Becoming a Client’.

I knew less than zero about seeing escorts and the industry more broadly. I had no idea how to make an initial approach, the law, the etiquette. I was also overweight, sexually inexperienced and racked with stress from both the ‘secret life’ as well as other external factors in my life at the time.

Despite all of this, seeing sex-workers has been one of the best choices I ever made and has left me with exactly what I wanted, in the midst of a mid-life-crisis, the feeling that I had new experiences and memories that would stay with me. My journey has had amazing moments, challenging ones and I am still resolving many of the emotions. I also continue learning more about both the industry and being a decent human being, in this strange new ‘double-life’ of mine. In the year since I started this blog, I have also learned from the people, clients and sex-workers, who have engaged with me about it.

Purpose of this blog.

My intention with this blog is to write as topics come to mind (the initial year has seen a fairly large quantity of articles – that I am about to republish). I hope to explore topics and experiences of meaning and significance to me. This is part of my process of working out what I have learned (and still have yet to learn or experience), internalizing it and seeing what others think about these same topics. If any of it is of interest, makes you think, or want to share a comment, then that is a great outcome.

I reiterate what I said on the ‘about’ page, that no personal information, secrets or identifiable information is going to be published here, without the full and complete approval of anyone mentioned! However I am going to get into complex emotions and the best and worst of my experiences and observations – warts and all (with suitable time and fact changes to ensure everyone’s protection, including my own).

I hope that you enjoy the blog, share your comments and let me know what you think. In addition to where I started this journey, I may also add some guest contributors, who have offered to write some future content as well. I hope that you find it interesting.

Xx – SP 6 March 2017 (updated – 1 May 2017 and again on 31 March 2018).

sydneyskyline

Cheers!

A moment of celebration and reflection. Cheers!

Today seems like a special day. It is an anniversary, an eve, a celebration and a commiseration – it is a milestone that just needed some things to be said.

Today I feel as good as I have in a long, long time. Tomorrow I have minor surgery, and in the weeks and months ahead, I have big, big, life changes planned. So cheers!

Cocktails

Why Today?

Tomorrow, I have minor surgery. My nasal septum is getting straightened and my tonsils are coming out. Then I will be in recovery for a couple of weeks. As with all surgery, there are some minor risks, and that made me want to write something – just in case.

Today is also the second anniversary of my first booking with an Escort who still likes to see me. That is a wonderful milestone for me, the start of a third-year with an adored companion who has been with me almost since my beginning as a client.

Cheers!

So here are my toasts, just some things I would like to celebrate with all of the appropriate people when I’m back in good health.

To all of my companion lovers, whether we met once or many times, in my journey of a little over two years, you have all changed me, improved me, loved me and shared experiences with me. This has been the best two (and a bit) years of my life.

A Little More Specific.

To those I don’t see anymore, I remember you! Those that have retired I think on your journey and wish you well regularly. For those that I chose not to see again (yet), that doesn’t mean your impact wasn’t enormous. For those that have chosen not to see me any more, I wish you well too.

I am sorry if I asked for too little or too much, gave too little or too much, or created any other dynamic where continuation wasn’t desired. I once saw this as a negative reflection on my personal wish to be a ‘good client’. Now I know that every relationship is personal, individual and complex. I know I am a good client – an exceptional one actually – but I am not eveyone’s ‘good client’. I am just a good match with a small number of people. That is as it should be.

I have also fallen for companions. Not expecting any change in our dynamic – I just fell in love. That created it’s own issues, because hurts can be far more profound. I have learned from these connections too and also from those wonderful people who wanted more from me than I could give.

It is a strange thing, that so many of our relationships are out of balance. What we want from some, others want from us, and the number of times this is in a complete harmonic balance is so small and even then, often only temporary. We all need to learn to live with gaps, contrast, disharmony and still make our own journey joyful, balanced and in harmony. I feel I am starting to learn this and for me, that harmony depends on connections with many people.

People I love and don’t love me in return. People that love me and I have lesser love for them. People passing through. Contacts, blockers, lovers, haters, givers, takers and all sorts of people in different stages and with different needs. I am blessed to have this richness in my life, my life is not dull.

Lucky Me.

I am a very lucky man and I expect to be even luckier in the future. I am choosing this surgery as a pathway to a better future. I am making hard life decisions for the positive consequences that they will bring. I am exiting people from my life, and bringing in others, so that I can enrich their lives and they can enrich mine.

Every step has risks. Risk that it is an end, in one way or another. Risks of pain, hurt, upset and offense. With every risk, there is the potential for reward. Breathing freely, without regular throat infections and snoring is a reward for tomorrow’s risks.

My journey in this industry is similar. Risks of meeting new people. Rewards of making longer-term and regular contacts. Risks of writing and the rewards of thinking and receiving feedback. Pain from loses, hurts and ‘lessons’. Pain from involuntarily hurting others. But joy, friends, experiences, fun and wonderful intimacy. So much joy and so many people that I think about at every spare moment.

If you think I don’t mean you, you are probably wrong. If we have met, I think about you, I value you and I am blessed by the time we have had together. I hope we get to share more of our journey together.

Xx SP 26 February 2018

Transition and Recollection

At a cross-roads in life and reflecting on 2-years as a client of escorts.

Tomorrow I turn 50. I am at the end of many things in my life, at a true point of transition. As part of this change, and after two-years as a client of Escorts, part of my reflection is on how these experiences have changed me. Plus, what I want them to be like in 2018 and beyond.

This is also a return to my blog. I have had a badly needed break, it has been two-months since my last article. I feel rusty, I feel tired, but I feel like getting back into writing as part of my journey for next year. So it’s time to dust off the cobwebs and write something. What better time, than the day before my 50th Birthday.

ChelseaHotel

Second Year As a Client

Let’s start with where I stand as a client of escorts. It is not a comfortable place. I feel like every post-booking parting brings greater melancholy than ever, maybe this is a result of a challenging year and big life changes. Or maybe it is just something that happens as we are longer upon this road of disconnected moments of fantasy. That I can’t answer yet.

I also feel like I am not as good at this as I was in my first year. In 2016 it was all new, all fun. The relationships weren’t new enough to have much baggage. My industry insights weren’t enough to see some of the darker parts. I didn’t have a profile as a client. I just met people and had fun. If I met someone I really had fun with, and we clicked, then I saw them again. It was as I have already said, my best year ever, halcyon days!

I met amazing people, and I adored them. I felt feelings of love and began falling in love with some companions – falling in love is fun! Nothing particularly bad happened, many things profoundly wonderful happened. It was new, exciting, glorious, wonderful and things elsewhere in my life, for the most part, were going along pretty well at the same time.

So What Happened In 2017?

Sticking with the client of Escorts conversation, what happened is what always happens. We grow, we learn, we make mistakes, things sometimes fuck-up, and the shine wears off from things that were once shiny and new.

My blog and presence on Twitter created casualties. Communicating between Escorts and clients online is fun, but it is also high risk. Text formats of communication don’t offer the face-to-face benefits and ‘in-the-moment’ benefits of bookings – so connections between clients and escorts are likely to be more real, more prone to harm and break-down with clients who choose to engage on Twitter or other forms of correspondence in-between bookings.

Some connections just run their race. They reach a crescendo at some point, booking three, booking eight, booking fifteen, and then the honeymoon is over. For whatever reason, they start getting worse instead of better. It is amazing when we find those connections that just keep improving, deepening, becoming part of who we are.

In other cases, we never get that far. The companion (or client) retires, moves location or some other external dynamic changes. They depart and we are left to mourn the amazing moments that are no longer possible.

Amazing New Experiences!

Other amazing things happened! Partly because of this blog, party because of social media and partly because of my growing confidence, I got to meet new and amazing people – not just the amazing companions that I was booking. I also met fellow clients – travelers on the same road. Everyone I have met has amazed me, I enjoy being in conversation with them and some I now call friends.

I have met female clients of male sex-workers and that has led to some amazing conversations and new friendships, and I have met some of the male sex-workers that they see. With every person I meet, I understand society’s stereotypes around sex-work less and less. These are all inspiring people, better in many ways than the people who cast uninformed judgement on this rich community.

I am fortunate enough to have some companions who know that I have been down and maudlin this year. They have helped, supported and changed me. I don’t know how they have stuck with me, but some of them have now known me for almost two years. Despite the fact that it is almost impossible to truly know if someone you are paying for intimacy truly cares for you, I feel that at least a few of my closest companions do. When the inevitable end comes, their retirement or mine, some may miss me a fraction of how much I will miss them.

Change!

Nothing is more inevitable than change. This year I have learned more about love and loss than in any other year of my life. I didn’t mean to care about the Escorts I met as much as I do. I didn’t expect to have some really care for me and despair at some of my actions and feel the same envy, jealousy, frustration and unrequited emotions as I felt – and talking to other clients and workers, understand that they at times feel the same way too. This is an industry full of deep emotion and fast moving impact upon those emotions – both positive and negative.

I think I am starting to cope with unrequited love. I think I am starting to understand when I hurt the feelings of others. However I am still an advocate for celebration and transparency, and that is why I plan to stay on social media and continue to blog. I feel that the small hurts are (possibly my opinion alone) worth the benefits. The benefit of the truth that I have feelings for multiple people, the honesty of some of my stories and my voice in support of celebrating what happens between client and Escort rather than hiding it because the realities might impact on someone else’s fantasy.

I have big personal plans for 2018. It is going to be a good year. It will be sad … I miss the people I no longer see. I have that empty feeling as a dark companion with me every single day, and that weight gets heavier. I miss the person that I started this journey with most of all – everyone who reads my blog knows this story and that missing part of me continues. I’m just learning to live with a piece of my heart missing.

Others that are important to me, and in a number of connections that importance is growing, well they will no doubt leave my life at some point. I am sure that I will find out then, that I love them too, and wave goodbye to another slice of my heart.

What is happening though is that my heart is getting bigger. I want connections with more people so that I can show them the elements of love that I have for them and receive their unique gifts in return. Even though I’m loosing parts of me, I am gaining others and I am growing. This is the biggest change of all for me – I am not sure I could ever go back to a singular sexually intimate relationship when every connection is so rich and different. I have some of the most amazing relationship and a few in particular where 2018 looks so exciting and plans for new experiences are taking shape already.

There are no answers here. Just one very ordinary guy, who is about to pass an age-based milestone, and is trying to learn from the experiences behind me. So that I can be a better person within the experiences that are in front of me.

If I have upset you on this road, I also take a moment to apologise. For the few people who have upset me on the same journey, I am not carrying that with me any longer. If you feel like reconnecting please do, if you can’t stand me (why are you reading this), then I know that I am not part of your tribe and I wish you well upon your own journey.

Thank you to those who connect with me, have a relationship with me, take my bookings, answer my messages or Twitter posts and continue to be happy to share a tiny part of their lives with me! That is the gift that I have received on the eve of my 50th Birthday.

My love and best wishes for you own future!

Xx SP 22 December 2017.

Why Am I A Target?

Some personal thoughts on why I attract hatred.

It has been a challenging year, this annus horribilis of mine! I know many people struggle with far more than I have, perhaps you are in a dark place too, but we all have our own journey. For me, 2017 has been the worst year that I can remember.

Perhaps that is the real reason some people react to my writing and my Social Media with unbridled hatred. Seeing a privileged, pretentious and entitled middle-aged man, who thinks that his struggles are of significance. Of course, seeing someone who looks like they have ‘almost everything’, complaining about things, is a magnet for feelings of anger. Hell, I would hate me too … except that I am me!

Avocado

So Why Is 2017 A Bad Year For Percie?

Like most of us, I have certain perceptions of myself. This year has shaken them all, with the possible exception of my health. So yes, this year could still get far worse. Without going into great detail, at the beginning of 2017, I thought I was a good parent, a good business manager, a good friend, and fun to be around. On the negatives, my perception of being a good husband was already ‘in the toilet’, but I felt I was still a good family provider. In place of that, and relatively new to my self-perception, I felt that I was a good client of the Escorts that I was seeing, at least those that I had an on-going connection with. As I have said before in this blog, 2016 was the best year of my life by a country mile!

At the start of 2017, my business lost our biggest client, one that accounted for a quarter of our income. I had to fire some staff, close an office, and the rest of the year has amounted to a difficult rebuilding of a crippled business.  That has taken a heavy personal toll on me, and broken my arrogant self-perception. I don’t feel like a good business manager any more. I feel like an imposter who is out of his depth.

Then one of my wonderful Daughters tried to take her own life. I raced back from inter-state in a trance, my world had collapsed. At first it was just emergency stations, being strong and focused, so that everything could be directed at her health and safety. Slowly, over the balance of this year, we have become accustomed to this ‘new normal’, a house that is working around a profoundly depressed teen, and the collateral damage that causes for her sisters and the broader family. She is still here, an everyday battle, but we have had some victories and seen some progress. It is now, that the ’emergency’ seems to be passing, that I have realised how drained and low I am. The tank is running on empty.

This has made me question myself. I am not a good Father, otherwise how could this happen? I am not good at my profession. As a result I am not a good provider, husband or partner. All of my ‘personal image’, these false pillars that I perched myself upon, had crumbled. I knew I wasn’t a faithful or successful husband, seeking intimacy, physical connection and a last-gasp of youthfulness in secret, with Escorts. I knew my long monogamous relationship was coming to an end, and now even that painful but needed transition seemed a long way off. I needed to hang in there, be strong, and as much as I could, subsume my personal intimate desires for a while. I came very close to ending my year-long journey as a client of Escorts. But I am weak, and was not able to say goodbye to companions that I had come to love. My weakness became just another reason for starting to hate myself.

Enter Percie Blakeney!

The one thing that seemed to be ‘going well’, at the start of 2017, was my journey as a client of Escorts. Sure, in my first year I had made mistakes, they are documented throughout this blog. Silly, naive, social media posts, offering concert tickets publicly, and other minor mistakes made by an inexperienced (but public) client, and a man who hadn’t ‘dated’ in two-decades or had any level of sexual intimacy in almost half that time.

So what did I do? I directed some energy, almost as a personal release and self-therapy to writing a blog about the part of my life where I felt happy, comfortable and was free from the other dark corners of my life. I re-vamped an old Twitter account, and I started a blog, this blog, in March 2017. Stupid in retrospect, but that is what happened.

Given what was transpiring elsewhere in my life, and also the nature of a ‘self-reflective blog’, the topics covered related to things that challenged me or played on my mind. As a result, the articles reek of overthinking, narcissism, melancholy and a naive view of what can and should exist between client and Escort. All of this is true, part of my own journey and coming to terms with jealousy, love, abandonment, hope, and a full-range of other feelings on an emotional roller-coaster, made even more pronounced by what else was happening in my life.

Some people, especially some other middle-aged travelers (fellow clients) found resonance in these topics. Some Escorts, I feel those who have struggled with feelings for clients themselves, are romantic at heart, or tolerant and understanding about what certain clients feel, also saw some merit in my content. There were, and are, many Escorts and some clients who see a ‘red flag’ and feel intense anger at some of the things that I have written about, or what they have assumed about me as a result.

The Last Pillar Falls.

I felt that I was one of the most mentally strong people that I knew, having weathered a difficult childhood, bullying, and later in life a range of business challenges. Wow, what a delusion. Those lies that we tell ourselves. With my fatherhood, my marriage, my business all in turmoil, being trolled online, attacked by haters, and in some quarters bullied in this space, well that cocktail of 2017 poison got under my skin far more than it should have.

It hurt me more than I thought it would, and I didn’t always react well. With my tone at times becoming snarky, and occasionally engaging in debate with Escorts, showing hints of disappointment and distress, well that is a recipe for receiving more of the same. Show weakness or biting back, either action can bring down the wrath of others with an axe to grind.

Then apparently, in the minds of some, I became the ‘poster guy’ for disrespecting the industry. I thought I was celebrating it. Showing how amazing the providers are, how joyful the experiences are, how strongly emotive it can be and how a sensitive client might be able to navigate these emotionally challenging waters. I thought I was on the same side, supporting sex-work as an enriching and positive part of society. But no! My ‘light-hearted’ experience masquerading as a one-time male-Escort was apparently offensive. The idea that I might write a book, which might say revealing things, that might disrespect someone, well that was apparently offensive as well. Of course no one asked any questions, or read what type of person I was. These people that don’t know me, all assumed the worst, and made ridiculous and unfounded accusations. Not happy to just attack me, they were also happy to turn on anyone that supported me or disagreed with their militant and fun-less ‘take on things’.

Of course being in a weak state to resist this negativity, any sane person would wonder why I continued to blog. I wonder that often myself. I think the answer is because if I ‘gave it up’, it would be my last surrender in a sh^t storm of a year, in every part of my life. Complete surrender. The few people that kept sustaining me, supporting me, encouraging me to be me, stay on Twitter, keep writing and stay in contact, were a salve for my soul. Their positivity and support was stronger than the voices who didn’t know me and just decided I was good fun to kick in the teeth.

I think my blog is the only one by a ‘client of Escorts’ in Australia (I hope that is wrong by the way – but I’m not aware of any others), perhaps it is the only one even further afield. An oddity, by an odd, sad and naive little man. So I guess that makes it an even bigger target for people who don’t like client voices at all. It also made me feel that I if stopped, I wasn’t just giving in to the abuse, but I was letting certain other people down, those who had supported me, and a few loyal readers who seemed to have come to enjoy the conversations. I also enjoyed talking with them, an oasis from my real-life collapse.

My Lowest Point

Then in May 2017, my closest and longest-lasting companion retired suddenly. Of course, in true annus horribilis style that wasn’t all. Another close Escort broke off her connection to me with extremely aggressive verbal abuse. It may have been to end her own journey, making sure none of her closer clients tried to connect with her in post-retirement. Perhaps she just detested me all along. I also mistakenly thought that another adored companion was leaving to take up a full-time ‘patronage’ arrangement.

My three closest companions seeming to vanish at the same time, one retiring, one ‘spoken for’, and the third telling me I was a ‘piece of sh^t’. No, of course that wasn’t enough for a truly bad year! My online troll was at their zenith, another Escort I had met twice was actively disparaging me, someone else was going around the industry telling others that I was the reemergence of some ‘evil blogger’ from 2011. It sounds unbelievable even to me, a writer of fiction wouldn’t have so many story threads running at one time. Just to rub ‘salt-on-the-wound’, another Escort I respected immensely, told me that the trolling was probably ‘all in my mind’. Other close Escort connections from before I started blogging seemed to be ‘distancing themselves’ from me, as a result of the blog and the negative industry attention that I was starting to get. Hell, I would have done the same if I was in their shoes.

I started to fully believe the negative voices: ‘you’re not cut out to be a John’, ‘you shouldn’t be allowed to be a client’, ‘you’re a sad loser’, ‘entitled narcissist’, ‘if I saw you in the street, I would run you over’, ‘I’m going to out you and destroy your career’, and ‘once you stop paying, no one you have ever booked will ever think of you again, or ever make contact – you’ll die a sad, lonely and broke old man’. The last one got to me the most. This clever person had worked out what I thought to myself in the darkest moments. Exactly what someone like me says to themselves, when they are at their darkest ebb.

Even still, I tried to stand strong, keep writing, pretend it wasn’t really getting to me. The problem is my self-belief collapsed under this relentless attack from every direction. Mostly distress at my daughter’s illness, compounded by my business issues, and then my last remaining resolve just ‘bleeding-out’ with these little additional cuts, coming from the darker parts of this industry.

I was in a strange place. I was loosing the ability to make decisions, stick to things and see clearly. I was flip-flopping on a weekly, daily and sometimes hourly basis. Celebrating one day, a cry for help the next. Supporting someone online one minute, and then fishing for support or endorsement the next. I would talk about writing more blogs, then say online that I was about to quit. This indecisiveness and changing persona must look from the outside like madness – it certainly brought even more vultures in to pick over my online carcass.

Apparently in the eyes of some, I had to make a decision, or be a certain way, and then stick to it. I’m not sure why people care if I change my mind a thousand times, but apparently that isn’t allowed. Somehow, changing my mind was even seen as proof of my apparent disrespect for the industry. I don’t get that logic either.

I have been blocked by one Escort I have met and one fellow client I have met. I have been blocked by dozens of Escort’s, photographers, clients and industry followers that I have never met. I’m sure that I’m on some people’s ‘bad client’ list(s), although no one has ever told me why, what it is that makes me a bad client. I have many times started to think they must be right, and if they really wanted me to believe it, my last barrier would fall if they just gave me that final reason. What is the harm that Percie has caused for which he should disappear? You can see how close I have come from abuse alone, provide one logical reason, and given where I stand at the moment emotionally – you could save the industry from me in one fell swoop.

Where To From Here?

I don’t know. I have lost another real-life friend recently and I am at that age where others are battling health issues and others will fall soon as well. As I said at the start, I at least have my health. My youth will soon be gone. My long-term relationship is likely to end for good and for bad before long. My business will recover, it is recovering, and I hope that next year, that problem at the very least will be gone. Most of all, my Daughter is still here with us, and we are making slow process, sometimes forwards, sometimes backwards, but she is alive and I love her and I am doing everything that I can to keep her here. She is a truly beautiful person and the world needs her far more than me.

I loved my companion that retired this year. I know that was stupid, but the heart wants what the heart wants. My processing of that absence in my life has made me worse. I am worse to be around, I am a miserable melancholy soul, beating myself up for my own tragic feelings, impossible love, failures and roller-coaster decisions and moods.

Then there are others that I love too. As I have said, many Escorts are simply the most amazing people I have ever met. For whatever reason, they feel like ‘my tribe’, even if I am not welcome in theirs. There are a few in particular that I have feelings for at a level that I shouldn’t. This multi-person love makes me think I can no longer consider myself monogamous or at least permanently monogamous. That is a very unexpected change in my consciousness and a surprising outcome from my journey as a client of Escorts. Also surprising to me, is my still growing desire for emotional experiences, and deeper explorations of my truest feelings. The ‘me’ of ten-years ago would not even recognise the person that is here now on this journey.

This change is what I am hanging on to. The idea that it is a profound transition, that is taking me somewhere new, and making me a better person. At the moment my moods, flakiness and struggles to get past certain things, are making me a problem. My writing is erratic. Until I can finishing processing some losses and struggles, I don’t think I make a very good client for the Escort’s that care for me the most. I wonder why they persevere with me, and I struggle to believe their generosity and friendship is real. In part because my experience with other Escort endings has been hard, final and in some cases traumatic. Also because I am struggling in general, and not always listening to good-voices. Mostly because at the moment I don’t think that I am worthy of their care.

I could leave for a while. I could quit being a client for good. I could leave Australia and travel. I could stop writing. I could do more writing. I could do nothing different at all, and just keep swinging like a pendulum between joy and misery, driving those audiences that hate me on to even greater hatred. I really don’t know. My feeling is that I will try and just write and post while I am positive, go into hibernation when I’m not, and see out the rest of this year. I see 2018 being positive, I am envisioning it, I am taking steps to feel like I am in that space already, and that it is my new reality. A return to how I felt in 2016, but with more love, more to offer and as a better friend to those that I love.

I apologise to anyone I have upset or offended as Percie Blakeney. I pledge that I have never and will never disrespect this industry and its ethical participants. I apologise to myself in as much as I can manage it at the moment. Mostly, I apologise to the companions that I have grown to love, each in different ways, for my flakiness, my neediness and for whatever lies in store.

There are so many reasons in this article to hate me even more, but maybe if targeting me is your response, you know a bit more about the person on the other end, and maybe this time leave other people out of it.

Thank you!

Xx SP 16 October 2017.

“… Where are you now
Was it all in my fantasy
Where are you now
Were you only imaginary …”

Alan Walker

My Client Stages

How my journey as a client of Escorts has changed over time.

It seems strange looking backwards, to think that my journey as a ‘Client of Escorts’ has clear and distinct stages. Some relatively identifiable transitions and noticeably different periods. As I reflected on my journey in preparation for this unusual blog article, I felt great joy, but also rather profound sadness. Thinking about these phases is in many ways a personal meditation on the extreme highs and lows of my journey.

I am not suggesting that these stages apply to every client that sees multiple escorts and is active over an extended period. It is just what happened to me, so far, along the pathway of a two year adventure.

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The Beginning – Discovery Stage

I have written previously on how I began as a client, especially in the article ‘Becoming A Client’. Here I am talking in a less personal and more collective sense. A reflection on phases. Beginning with my first six-months as a client of the Escort industry. I don’t know how to explain this stage without sharing some numbers. Something that I have avoided in this blog until now, but my personal actions and the clarity of these stages, needs some explanation and some detail.

Over the first six-months, I met twelve Escorts. By the end of that first six-months, the three that I had connected with the most, I had met ten, eight and seven times respectively. Yes, I was hooked early and I did have a lot of bookings. I was careful in research back then, taking a long time to choose who I wanted to see. I selected in a slow and considered process, from a combination of online profiles and close observation of what these Escorts seemed to be like on social media.

I chose well. I was also infatuated with the Escorts that I met. It was such an exciting change from the lonely years that predated this journey. I liked pretty much all of the Escorts that I met, and I wanted to keep seeing all of them. I was trying to keep a growing number of connections open, and progress the strengthening connection with each of these different but amazing women. By the end of six-months, the only way that I could keep doing this, was to make more frequent bookings.

I was starting to realise that I couldn’t meet many new people and still keep seeing the Escorts that I had already met. As the first six-months came to an end, I came to my first sad realisation. This discovery dynamic of meeting new people, while continuing to see others I had met as well, just couldn’t keep going in the same way. It is pretty simple maths really, but who wants to consider maths in this type of emotional situation.

There is some change that comes with time in any case. Out of the first twelve Escorts that I met, four have since retired from the industry. In another two cases, the Escort is based somewhere that I don’t get to travel to very often, and as a result, they were single booking encounters. In three other cases, some of which you may have already read about on my blog, our individual connection ended. Often the ‘endings’ were not particularly pleasant. They never ended ‘within a booking’, but in the messages, complexity and communication spaces that sit in between these fantasy moments.

In fact the three ‘Escort relationships’ I have had that ended the most awkwardly, all started within this ‘beginning period’ and then ended in the next stage of my journey. I had fourteen, thirteen and eleven bookings with these three lovely Escorts. Even today, although the various reasons for ending contact were all appropriate, I still miss all three of these intimate connections. The adventures of those first six months were so new and rich with experience, it is hard not to reflect, remember and sometimes miss the sheer newness of that period. I think it was some sort of awakening – it was certainly a period of personal discovery and enjoyment for me.

Three of the wonderful Escorts from this first phase, I am still privileged to continue to book today. The number of total bookings with each of them is climbing, and it is amazing to be building on a connection that includes a lengthening history together. They have been with me as I have moved through these phases and it is hard not to view these connections as friendships, because they feel like deep, intimate and beautiful friendships. After all, they have weathered my changing phases and still agree to see me. They are deeply important women to me. Each in their own way, they have changed me, supported me, loved me, and given my whole journey a continuity that I would be lost without. The beauty in these relationships also protects me in darker moments, and when confronted with some of the less positive aspects of this industry.

The Explosion – Experience Stage

A lot of my blog articles talk about this stage. After all, I didn’t start bloging until I had been a client for over a year, so I was in the later part of this second period when I started to write. Articles like ‘Addicted to Escorts’ are probably a good illustration of this period of wanting to ‘experience it all’. That ‘kid in a candy store’ dynamic has its own set of issues, and I wrote articles like ‘Single Booking Sadness’ and ‘What Went Wrong’ when I was dealing with no longer being able to make repeat bookings with every wonderful Escort that I met.

I am not going to say how many Escorts I met during this period, that is a level of private revelation that I’m not ready to open up to at this stage. What I can say, is that I met a number of amazing women, that had they been bookings in the ‘Discovery Phase’, I would most likely have seen them on more occasions than I ultimately did. With some of these bookings, I think back to the Escort and our one or two bookings with great fondness, and have wondered many times, if I had met them at the start, or now, not while I was in a phase of expanding my experiences, would things have been different. I believe they would. Sometimes it isn’t about ‘who you meet’, it is just as critically about ‘when you meet’. I certainly met some Escorts at the wrong time.

Despite the challenge of trying to balance seeing established regulars with a rush of new first time experiences, I still met some Escorts that I continue to see today. Some are close companions that I have seen on a significant number of occasions. I guess the point that I’m trying to make here, is that a growing regular connection was just ‘less likely’ to start with a client who was going through this crazy expansion period. During this stage, there was an element of ‘loving the thrill’ as much as ‘loving the individuals’.

A lot of the ‘angst’ in my early blog articles came from contradictory emotions that emerged during this stage. A sort of battle between the emotions of desiring experience, learning and discovery, in a tension and conflict with emotions that are about the specific personal connections between two people. In some cases the individual connections got collateral damage from the bigger journey, self-discovery and overall adventure that was happening with me at the time.

The Equilibrium – Settling Stage

More recently, I have come to find some form of equilibrium. I don’t see that many new Escorts that I haven’t met before any longer. It happens, occasionally I want that ‘first-meeting’ adrenaline and thrill again. The chance of meeting another close connection. It happens. Recently I have met a few Escorts that I am thrilled to be getting to know and seeing again. If I hadn’t still had the occasional new booking, I would have missed out on meeting some of the Escorts that I adore. The reality however is that this happens slowly, over a longer period of time, and largely as someone else retires or the connection closes for some other reason with a longer established companion.

Overall I have less bookings, most of them are with people that I feel I have come to know quite well, and I feel that they know something about me too. It is a stage that also has its challenges. It is hard not to fall at least partially in love with someone who you desperately want to stay in your life. Some of the articles like ‘Loving An Escort’ and ‘Staying In The Moment’, talk about the challenges of ‘keeping it about the booking’, when there is a growing interpersonal connection and a person (or people) that you (and I mean of course me) are thinking about regularly. Sneaking into your consciousness and even into your dreams.

With these regular connections, there are songs, smells, places and other triggers that re-make the connection at random times. So it is fine to say, ‘keep it to the booking’, but my mind has a way of filling in the ‘in-between’ places as well. I have found in this more recent phase, the phase that I believe I am still currently in, that the ‘Post-Booking Melancholy’ can be profound and deep. These wonderful women have entered my soul and although I can ‘keep it to the booking’, and respect boundaries and honour the connection, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that is a challenge. It is challenging because there really is a form of love that lives in this space.

Future Stages

I don’t know what else is to come. As I wrote in ‘Changed Man’ recently, there are other sources of changes and forces on my life outside of this journey and inside it as well. I know that other Escorts that I am close to will retire at some point. I know that ‘buying moments’ is unlikely to remain my primary manner of sexual intimacy forever. So there will be other stages, I just don’t know what they are yet. Maybe a different sort of equilibrium, maybe a decline phase, or maybe an extended ‘hiatus’ or ‘gap’. I don’t know. Many of you who read my blog have been clients for much longer than me. Maybe you would like to comment on your own phases. Have you been, gone, come back. Or do you see things very differently to me.

Perhaps if you are at the start, in that wonderful period of discovery. Then the one bit of bad news, or good news, is that the one constant is that things will change. People come into your life and they go out of it. I feel like I have formed some emotional ‘scar tissue’ from having strong feelings, then loss, and then other new strong feelings. There is a pervasive sadness that builds and grows over time, but it is the price of the adventure, the dark contrast to the lightness of amazing memories and experiences. I can’t give up the sadness, because it is the garden that all these amazing experience are growing within. There is no going back, and there is no way in hell that I would ever want to.

For every companion that I have met, I hope that some of this makes sense to you in the way that it does to me. You have all had a profound impact on me, that has made me a better person, and these connections and experiences are still shaping me into an even better man.

To my three companions that remain from the very beginning, I really don’t know how you have stuck with me through this journey. You know that I love you, and I want to say thank you once again!

Thank you as always for your readership. I would love to hear your experiences, your stages and your opinions. To those companions still with me, I truly and deeply thank you for continuing to let me share moments together with you.

Xx SP 12 October 2017