Learning Experiences

Seeing escorts has some surprise benefits and great lessons.

Some of the Extra Benefits of Meeting Escorts!

Something I didn’t appreciate when I started seeing escorts, was how much I would learn! I’m not just talking about sex or the industry, I’m talking about music, philosophy, pop-culture, the arts, food, travel, marketing, broader opinion and a whole host of other surprise benefits.

I have spent a significant amount of time on this blog talking about what I have learned and experienced emotionally – maybe too much time. That is part of my personal journey and no doubt a big driver for many clients. It is however surprising how much else I have learned and experienced – much of it totally unexpected.

RuinartChampagne

A Journey of Elucidation!

So let’s start with some of the easy lessons! I have learned that I like quality French Champagne and a host of other food and drink items that I had never tried until in the company of independent escorts. Some of these are expensive tastes, and maybe that is part of the lesson too. I have grown to appreciate spoiling myself and others around me to enjoy and fully experience a moment in time – make it memorable and make it special.

I like trying new cocktails, despite the entertainment value that activity gives certain others to laugh at my apparently more ‘feminine’ drinking behaviours. I think I may even ‘play up’ to that ‘dinner date reputation’. It is great fun trying new restaurants, new food and new drinks with entertaining, experienced professional company. I have discovered that I love Ruinart Rose Champagne, Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque Champagne, Dom Perignon and other fine champagne marques – especially in the company of escorts who enjoy the same wonderful drinks.

In fact I have also discovered, as someone previously limited to red wine, whisky, gin and occasionally beer that I also like Clare Valley and European Rieslings and some other white wines, good saki and a host of weird and wonderful spirits and global drinks. Especially when I am sharing the experience with someone who loves the drink or food that we are trying together. As a previously typical Australian male ‘red meat eater’, I have grown to like seafood far more and even enjoyed vegetarian and vegan meals in great restaurants – although I have no intention of becoming vegetarian myself.

Broader Tastes and Opinions.

It isn’t just food and drink, although you can see that they ‘loom large’ on my personal radar. I have also heavily sampled the musical tastes of the escorts that I have met. People in my ‘real life’ wonder why I have such a varied musical collection now, that includes what I was listening too before meeting escorts, but now with so many more artists. Disturbed, Lana Del Rey, Halsey, Hozier, Tom Waits, The Civil Wars, Dean Lewis, Desi Valentine, Selena Gomez, Perfume Genius, The Lonely Island, and even, god forbid, Kanye West have all been added to my music playlists thanks to experiences with escorts. Of course when these songs play, they also bring back so many emotionally charged memories.

I have watched ballet with an amazing escort who learned dance herself, experiencing the performance in a new way as I observed how she interacted with the experience. Theater, comedy, concerts, movies and wandering the cities of Australia with companions that helped me see these things through different eyes. New experiences, new perspectives and new opinions, that have enriched my life. I feel that I have started exploring the world once again as a ‘younger man’, rather than settling into the same old stale pathways that many of my real-life colleagues are stuck within.

The Effects of Intimate Conversations.

I am a talker, that should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog. I generally have longer bookings with companions who talk too. Those I have seen repeatedly and then regularly have shared with me their opinions, their values, their beliefs, perspectives and philosophies. I have been enriched by these so much, I couldn’t even begin to describe the detail here. I have heard and experienced more spiritual views, travel stories, survival stories, cultural backgrounds, career stories and of course sex-work industry and escort and client origin stories. I have changed my views, opinions and beliefs about so many things, that I doubt I would fully recognise the ‘middle-aged’ man that I was at the start of this journey. I simply do not see the world the same way anymore.

Of course in experiencing so many views, and they are not at all the same. Escorts may have many things in common with each other, how they see the world away from escorting is not one of them, their individual views and experiences are totally diverse and incredibly broad. So another result, is that I appreciate a multitude of viewpoints on quite polarizing topics. I think that is why the rush to ‘one-view’ on social media and the ‘this is how it should be’ conversations surprise me, because in one-on-one conversations, the views, opinions and beliefs couldn’t be more divergent. I love that I now don’t have a singular view on many topics, I see myself on a journey of discovery in so many ways, holding disparate perspectives and wondering which one I might ultimately end up holding and believing. Maybe I will always hold divergent and conflicting views on a number of issues, because I can now see different but still often individually valid perspectives.

Sexual Experiences.

I am still so early on this road. In fact with each passing experience, I think I feel that the road is even longer and that I am even more of a beginner. I am astounded at how little most people know about their own sexuality and overall, how this area itself is perhaps one of the least progressed explorations in all human discussion. We are still in some crazy sexual dark age, where the bulk of the world doesn’t talk, doesn’t explore and doesn’t question their own desires and pathways to sexual fulfillment and enlightenment.

I guess for me, one of the first lessons to this being an individual pathway, is how different every escort is. It is hard to learn ‘what to do’ sexually, as everyone is so different. So there may be plenty of ‘what NOT to do’ lessons to be had, but sensitivities, desires, preferences, physical responses and every other erotic and emotional state is represented. It is difficult to ask straight up, ‘what turns you on?’, but it is something that compatibility, time together and openness to discovery help open up and reward within developing intimate connections. Another interesting thing for me, is that I have discovered I like, and get aroused by, so many different things, scenarios and situations and I’m discovering more all the time. I’ll leave this bit for other articles, but the take-away is that this is a longer, more progressive and changing sexual awakening than I ever expected. It is sort of exciting to think that I still have so much more to experience.

Industry Experiences.

One of the final territories of experiences is learning just a little about the escorting industry. It is a unique and interesting place, so similar to many other personal service markets, but so profoundly different at the same time. I feel those that suggest it is unlike anything else are missing many lessons and market realities, similarly those that suggest it works like other industries, are also missing the massive points of difference and unique things about this variable, secret and incredibly diverse industry (or industries).

It is also frustrating, the level of ‘un-declared’ war that sometimes exists between providers and clients. A partnership at times, a war at others, something I spoke about in more detail in the my last article called ‘Siege Mentality’. My own treatment and some recent issues, made me feel ‘on the outside’ and tempted to write some darker pieces. I am not going to do that, I have decided not to engage in any ‘war’ or ‘dispute’, I can’t see how that helps anyone, and instead be an advocate for partnership and a voice for my journey and experience alone. I have described in this article how profound and amazing my experiences have been, how much they have impacted my whole life, my whole persona and my whole perspective. That is what my blog and my articles and my experiences are all about.

Even the negative aspects of the industry have beneficial lessons to teach. There are ‘experiences’ that happen every day around hustling, time-wasting by clients outside of bookings and sometimes by escorts inside them, secret back-channels and breaches of privacy, ethics, cases of extortion, issues of client and escort mental health, escorts that hate men, clients that hate and abuse escorts, people who abuse the system, the effect of poorly conceived laws and inconsistencies, crimes against escorts (mostly by men but sometimes by other escorts), in-fighting, jealousy, envy, manipulation, two-faced behaviours, passive aggressiveness, escorts managing and pimping other new escorts, chasing escorts for other business interests, the massive recent influx of new escorts, falseness, negligence, criminality and the dynamics of what quieter periods do to the overall health of the industry, and so on, and so on, and so on. Anyone who has been around for a while, sees some of these things and more – it is a big and very human industry after all. This paragraph is the end of my negativity, it is a expression of some of the things that have played on my mind in recent times, and with this admission, they are gone. This blog is returning to my experiences, my lessons, my journey and a celebration of why I am here and what is great about the industry.

I intend to stick firmly within the territory of what is great about my experiences and why I continue, despite some truly negative elements, to be an active client of escorts and seek out the richness of experience that this industry and this journey has to offer.

Thank you for your readership. Next articles will include some booking experiences, some guest experiences – more celebration and just the hint of wrestling with issues and emotions as I navigate my own path as a client. The experiential benefits are just far too rich and rewarding to get caught up in negativity for more than a brief moment.

Xx SP 20 June 2017.

Egg On My Face

Some of the mistakes that I have made as a client of escorts.

Taking a look at some lessons.

Not so long ago, I was known by another name on Twitter – that account was called Prince Eggnog (@PrinceEggnog). The story of how that name came about, I will save for another day. This blog article is the story of some of the mistakes that I have made as a client of escorts. That story needs a revelation, and that revelation is that Percival Blakeney and Prince Eggnog are one and the same anonymous client.

Why does this even matter? The reason is simple, Prince Eggnog was my first ‘anonymous’ Twitter account as a client and I made a bucket-load of mistakes during that period. I am still making many mistakes today, but no attempt to write about my short-comings and the lessons that I have had as a client would be complete without Prince Eggnog. Time to deal with some ‘egg on my face’.

Eggnog

Having an active social media profile as a client.

My first mistake was having any social media profile at all. For a while, I was an anonymous client, reading profiles, reading escort social media and booking some escorts and starting to see some regulars. This is probably the most typical client approach on social media – radio silence! Communication was for the most part by text messages, with limited contact between bookings. It was a wonderful time, full of brand new experiences. Although I was making plenty of mistakes as a new client, they were largely invisible – I wasn’t, at least as far as I know, making any ‘public’ mistakes.

Then I was nearly ‘outed’ twice, and an escort suggested that I set up an ‘anonymous Twitter account’, and use that for some of my communications. The Twitter account of Prince Eggnog was named and born. Being ‘anonymous’ never sat that comfortably with me, but like the early days of seeing escorts, the early day’s of having a social media account were exciting. My activity primarily centered around discourse with escorts, other clients and related sex-work accounts. This social media activity had its own level of taboo, intrigue, additional industry learning, and it was nice to have another place to engage with the escorts that I had met, and to learn more about other escorts that I hoped to meet. I have already written about becoming ‘Addicted to Escorts’, I also became addicted to the industry’s social media. Having a ‘client profile’ on social media opens up a whole new territory for making mistakes, and what is worse, these mistakes are there for everyone to see.

Making public social media mistakes!

I hope that for the most part, I make a pretty decent client. I certainly care about all of the escorts that I have met, and I care about the industry. It hurts when bad things happen. I feel disgusted by bad client behaviour, disappointed by the nastier side of the industry, sad when people are trolled, bullied and upset, and I feel happy when people are having a great time. I feel especially happy when I am having a great time. One of my biggest mistakes is that I thought other people would like seeing escorts and clients having a great time. Unfortunately that is not always, or even often, the case.

Celebrating escort-client bookings.

I thought I could ‘celebrate’ my journey as a client on social media. I thought that when an escort gave their permission, showing that a ‘great booking’ had occurred would be a nice thing to do. After all, this sort of ‘booking recap’ content is published all the time. Well I was wrong. I knew when I saw similar posts with other clients, when they were out with escorts that I adored, I felt my own ‘pang of jealousy’ – why wasn’t it me, was I still a liked client, why did I have to see that when I was having a bad day, or any other version of normal human envy. Then that thought would pass, and I would think how happy I was that an escort that I liked had been treated well and their business and the broader industry was good. People were having fun – and isn’t that how it should be? I would also look forward to my own next booking with that person, and I even grew to respect (and learn from) some of the better behaviours, client generosity and booking ideas of the more experienced clients out there than me.

I know many people feel like that, but there is also a very nasty side to escort-client social media. I was accused of being a ‘show-off’, of trying to have escorts compete for my bookings, of lying, of being a ‘man-slut’, of being a ‘disease-spreader’, or trying to move the power dynamic away from escorts and into the hands of clients. I was accused of far worse than that. I was threatened to be ‘outed’, black-listed, slandered on escort forums, and I even had a laughable death threat. I don’t know whether I am an idiot, but none of those things bothered me that much, there was only one thing that actually really upset me – and that it is why I shut down the Prince Eggnog account. I was worried that I was ‘Hurting Feelings’, a topic I have written about in the past. I became aware that for some of the escorts that I was extremely close too, my activity was actually hurting their feelings. This isn’t an ego thing, I didn’t break anyone’s heart (I hope), it was simply annoying to them, and for that reason I shut it down. In my mind, that account did not provide enough benefit to me, to warrant hurting the feelings of anyone else, even in a small way.

Even bigger mistakes were in store!

It gets worse. At one point, I asked publicly on Twitter if any escort would like to attend a concert with me. This is a complicated story, perhaps destined for its own article one day. In short, I had a spare ticket to a concert. I asked a regular of mine at the time who wasn’t interested. Then in a profoundly stupid moment, I put out a public Twitter post asking if anyone was interested. Realizing that a loud rock concert wasn’t the ideal place for a first booking, I got cold feet and asked (in private) three escorts that I knew much better if they were interested. Two said yes. In mishandling this ‘concert ticket’ fiasco, I eventually lost my client relationship with the two escorts who said yes, the one who originally said no, and the respect of a number of other people on Twitter.

What you do publicly can have very profound and long-lasting consequences. There are so many lessons from that one badly thought through incident, perhaps the biggest, is that even though the whole industry is full of ‘competition’, just like any industry or market, don’t create competition or the perception of competition, even if that is not the intention. Clients seeming to create competition, even though they probably don’t know that they are, is a far from an ideal scenario. I have suffered from that one action more than anyone else involved, probably more than anyone knows or will ever know, and I am still suffering from the consequences of that saga even now many, many months later.

So how many lessons does it take?

You would think the ‘concert fiasco’ would be enough – oh no, when it comes to slow learners, I can be among the slowest. Not that much later, I had a lunch-booking cancelled on me on the morning of the booking. I had (and still have) no issue with that at all, the escort in question had no choice, and I was not upset by the cancellation. I have never yet been upset by a cancellation. We ended up catching up eventually and she still lets me see her, something that I am thrilled about. I did however have a nice lunch planned for that day, and I was already in the hotel room when the lunch was cancelled.

Yes, you know where this is going already, I put a public Twitter post out to see if any local escort was free to take up the same-day booking. Let’s not spend too long on this, but the lesson is largely the same. Escorts can try to get a late replacement for cancelled bookings through public forums, clients cannot. In the escort-client world, it isn’t like other industries, a good client makes it seem like it is a date and not a purchase. It is about the fantasy and the experience more than the reality. Unintentionally, I made it look like a purchase and a competitive one at that. So there is the answer, sometimes it takes me at least two big mistakes to learn one simple lesson. Client’s shouldn’t use public social media to fill an escort booking – lesson learned.

Other mistakes and learning experiences.

I can see that this topic is going to be one with many chapters. I am not even close to outlining how many missteps and faux pas I have made. So there will probably be more articles on mistakes in the future. One I think I will need to write about is the idea that there are ‘No Nice Endings’. I don’t want this to sound negative, but usually when there are no more bookings between a client and an escort that have had a long history together, the reason is likely to be negative. Unless there is a ‘retirement’, the ceasing of a regular or semi-regular client-escort relationship is normally the result of something negative happening. I have hinted at this in ‘What Went Wrong?’, and ‘Escort Relationship Breakdowns’, however I think the conversation about ‘what can be learned’ in these situations still needs some attention (in my mind at least).

My biggest mistakes!

Easily my biggest mistakes are simple to describe but harder to avoid. When the client-escort relationship is a strong one, it is pretty easy to get hurt. I have spoken about ‘Hurt Feelings’ in a past blog article. In this case, the mistake is a simple one, when I have been hurt by an escort – and that certainly happens to any regular and caring client – there are times that I have not handled the hurt well. Escort-client relationships are a fantasy, they are a pretend perfect world, they are this way so that the ‘moment together’ in the framework of a booking can be this perfect place, a perfect fantasy moment given a temporary place in reality. I should have processed and eliminated the hurt I felt and moved on. My mistake is when I have felt the pain too much, and as a result I have either unintentionally shown that I am in pain, or worse yet reflected that pain back to the escort that I care about – it is the ‘care level’ that allows the pain to be created in the first place.

Almost every one of my ‘endings’ with an escort is the expression of this lesson as yet still a work-in-progress with me. Being too needy, or the opposite position of being too hurt or upset, is very likely to damage or end the connection. While it is an ‘escort-client’ relationship, it needs to stay within relationship parameters that have limited tolerances for the expression of pain, anger or hurt. The escort or the client will leave if it looks like being too much like a ‘real relationship’, unless both have agreed that is where it is headed. For the escort-client relationship to continue it needs to remain a close-to-perfect ‘fantasy’ – no residual hurt allowed. It doesn’t mean that ‘hurt’ can’t happen, it just means that it needs to be resolved, forgotten, forgiven or otherwise dealt with very, very quickly. Someone needs to move past the negativity, let it go, or else it is all over.

I have ‘blown-up’ some great client-escort relationships and some escorts have blown up ones with me. I have a couple of connections that have been put-at-risk, I only hope that I have learned this lesson in time. I don’t want to lose anyone else.

Moving on from my mistakes!

I am happy to consign Prince Eggnog to the past, it was part of my experience, part of my growth, and it came with both huge enjoyment and almost equally acute pain. I do sometimes wonder why certain people never forgave me for my mistakes. I know there are ‘unforgivable sins’ in the escort-client world, although I have never (and will never) commit any of those. For some reason however, client mistakes in public are not forgivable in the eyes of certain escorts and other clients. I do sometimes feel that Prince Eggnog was unfairly treated in some circles, even though it was true that he was more of a ‘Town-Fool’ than a Prince.

Now you know what (or who) came before Percival Blakeney. That is not to say that my new client persona is any better. I am still making plenty of mistakes, I am still upsetting people, I am still being trolled from time to time and I am still learning. I will be writing more about my mistakes, past, present and future – because part of this experience, part of this journey, is continuing to learn.

If I have ever upset you, I do sincerely apologize. I promise that it was without malice and I regret any mistake that I ever made that led to any hurt. I have never deliberately hurt any escort. Forgive me if you can. I forgive anyone who has hurt me on this journey because you are on your own journey too. After all, there is still too much fun to be had to get caught up in sadness.

Thank you for your readership. You don’t need to share any mistakes, maybe sharing mistakes is another new mistake all of its own, but thank you in advance for any comments and feedback. Thank you to everyone who played the game with Prince Eggnog, and those who went the extra mile with that story – you know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! R.I.P. Prince Eggnog (2016-2017).

Xx SP 29 May 2017 (article updated 19 June 2017).