Expectations on how we behave and communicate.
As someone who writes a blog about being a client of escorts, and operates a similarly focused Twitter account, does that put me outside of acceptable behaviour for a client? This is a question that I ask myself a lot. I ask other people as well and I get a very wide variety of responses. Some are kindly open and make their opinions, often different to mine, know to me. I respect that. Some are hidden and anonymous, often malicious and irrational, people who should really be looking at their own behaviour and not at mine.
I hold myself to a pretty high standard of respect for others. I try and be thoughtful, discrete within acceptable boundaries, helpful and honest. Mostly, I’m exploring a period of experiences in my life, and sharing that journey with others who have an interest in these topics and experiences. No one has to read any of this!
Get to know me!
You may have seen the ‘Get to know me’ meme on Twitter. A lot of escorts and other accounts have given it a run, posting facts or confessions about themselves for every like that they received for the post of the image shown above. It was a bit of fun for a lot of people on Twitter, and as someone exploring experiences and writing on them, it was of interest to me too. So after seeing it on Alice Grey’s public Twitter, I thought it might be some fun. So I ran the meme on my @PercieBlakeney account!
Of course, I could have just written inane things. I could have even had fun with my ‘Percival Blakeney’ persona and his characterization of the English dandy, The Scarlet Pimpernel (SP). Instead I decided to write confessions that were inspired by each of the people that liked my post, what they as Twitter connections brought to my mind. It created a bit of a stir among some people and made me re-ask the question: How should I behave online?
How do I behave?
I have for a while decided to see escorts. As you will know if you read some of my blog articles, I struggle with all sorts of aspects of this wonderful but somewhat unusual life. If you want a taste of my personal philosophical ‘struggles’, take a look at ‘Sex and Guilt’, ‘Loving an Escort’, ‘Single Booking Sadness’, and ‘Why Multiple Escorts’. Across those five representative articles, you will get a feel for me, the journey I am on and the things that play on my mind. They include guilt, the search for intimacy and relationships, as well as fun, the journey and what amounts effectively to one-night-stands and sexual exploration and the chance to really experience lots of sex – something that was never a part of my life before this journey.
I am also writing about these experiences. This is problematic in so many ways. As much as it has some benefits – a chance for me to think and explore, as well as the opportunity to hear the impressions and lessons of others, it comes at a cost. It has exponentially increased my personal risk as a ‘secret client’, it has opened me up to some quite bitter attacks, and it upsets a surprising number of people. Before I had this blog (a period of almost two-years), only one escort had ever said they wouldn’t like to see me again, and that was because of a stupid but minor disagreement (played out in private). In the much shorter period since I started this blog (a few months), four additional escorts have told me they don’t want any future bookings with me. Not because of the ‘real me’, the ‘client’, but because of this blog and my persona – a fake person called ‘Percival Blakeney’ that lives only on Twitter and this blog. Rejection because of my online (and fake) persona hurts the real me. It hurts enough for me to repeatedly think about ditching the whole thing.
I am even more confounded by people who don’t know me at all and can simply ignore, block, mute or otherwise avoid me completely. I don’t understand why ‘random’ people get so upset – seriously, just stop reading and block my Twitter account and don’t visit this blog.
I become upset, if I find that I have upset the people (primarily escorts) that I care about. I am upset when an escort that I have a close and personal relationship with, is upset by knowing that I see and have relationships with other people, and then I talk about those experiences online. That is actually the only outcome of this blog and my social media that really upsets me – it plays on my mind, and as I have said before, it should be the only legitimate reason (so far) for me to stop writing. I am not hurting anyone else and yet somehow, this respectful client voice offends others.
Against that one poor behaviour of mine, expressing feelings for more than one escort connection, and I can see how that may be viewed as a (slightly) poor behaviour, I believe that I behave well. I have not and will not say anything negative about anyone. I do not disclose intimate, personal or other details without permission, and even with permission I am extremely cautious and constrained. I take the ideas I mentioned in ‘Secret Keepers’ very seriously. I am generally exploring issues as they impact me, so they do come across as issues and may seem at times as negative and over-thought, but I am open to all perspectives and I am not telling anyone ‘how it should be’, or ‘what to do’, or ‘how to live their life’. I am not removing, reducing or trying to censor anyone else’s voice. This is only my journey and only my perspective! Hell, I don’t even promote this blog at all, other than on my own Twitter account. Ignore my Twitter feed and you will never even know this content is here!
So why did my ‘Get to know me’ meme become an issue?
Well depending on who reacted, it seems to be a combination of the following issues. Firstly, that I am showing that I see multiple escorts and some of those are identifiable. Secondly, that I am seeking fame, notoriety and testing my virility. Finally, that I am building some collection of ‘fan boys’ and trying to change dynamics within the industry. So let me address those concerns, reasonable (I guess) when expressed directly to me by people who are actually interested in an answer.
Working in reverse order, I don’t want to change anything about the industry. I am writing about my experiences that benefit from the industry, I am not advocating any change and I am not qualified or experienced in any way that could suggest anything worth listening to in that regard. Being on social media, I have connections with escorts, clients and others, I talk to them. I am not ‘collecting’ anything, and there is no ‘back channel’ that is trying to do anything other than ‘be good clients and have some fun’ – end of story.
Maybe I have ‘ego’ based drivers that I haven’t admitted to myself. I am certainly exploring my sexuality, embracing experiences and sharing intimacy – for the first time in my life, and I don’t apologize for that. I don’t think I care about being seen as virile. I can tell you honestly, I am not impressive physically, and there are times that I don’t perform sexually in the way that I would like. I am at an age and have stresses that sometimes impact my performance. I would like to improve my own performance and virility, but I am not in competition with anyone. I don’t set anyone’s world on fire in the bedroom and I don’t think that seeing a number of escorts is either impressive or makes a man virile. I am after moments of intimacy and a breadth of experience, not some proof of my manliness!
Finally, on the topic of showing that I have seen multiple escorts and some level of bookings being identifiable. On that front I am guilty as charged. I can hardly write a blog on my experiences as a client of Escorts and pretend that I don’t see Escorts. In looking back over the Twitter posts that I made around the ‘Get to know me’ meme, I didn’t see anything that isn’t true, respectful or reasonable – or different to what others posted – especially Escorts that are using this same meme for some fun. I also didn’t get any negative feedback from anyone I mentioned, only from people who are completely disconnected from the discussion. Many of whom just seem to want to project their dislike of particular clients, pests, or clients in general onto me as a public target.
I can only be who I am – many people are not going to like me – but even if I have to remain anonymous, like so many clients and escorts in this industry, I am still going to be authentic. I am actually genuinely sorry if anything about my approach gives you discomfort, but I would suggest, don’t read my blog, don’t follow me on Twitter and block or mute me if that suits the view of the world you want in your timeline. For the record, I don’t do that, I want the opinions of people who disagree with me, just as much as those that have a similar view – I am here to learn and I don’t believe I have the only way, the right way, or any franchise on knowing how the world should work. I just question those that are anonymously projecting aggression onto me, rather than having a respectful dialogue, on where any real and personal issues with me may exist.
My perpetual fear!
I feel that I keep impacting relationships that are important to me. If I have professed any feeling for our relationship, then that is the true expression of my real feelings. Increasingly, I am thinking that this stage of my life is about experiencing what it is like to have multiple connections. I almost think I want to love, not physically but emotionally, as much as I can until I feel like I am going to burst. Coming from a culturally and emotionally sterile environment, I have discovered I have an immense capacity to love and I want to stretch that joyous part of living as far as I can. That should, I hope, be evident in my writing.
I am really hurting at the moment because of some difficult changes, but I feel enriched that the experiences and love that allow that level of pain existed in the first place – I haven’t had this complexity of emotion in my life before. My fear is that in exploring concepts similar to ‘polyamory’ (I’m no expert on this term), if that is even what I am doing, that I am hurting people who are looking for singular connections or the illusion of them. It is surprising to me in the escort-client world, that there is such a pervasive undercurrent around monogamy. That we all still have to pretend that one connection sits above all of the others. Escorts and clients with multiple connections are still facing strong prejudices and maliciousness in the one place, the one industry, that I would expect would support the choices of multiple connections and intimate variety, and breadth of experience, far more readily and openly.
I have strong feelings for multiple escorts, and in some cases it feels to me like a form of love. I am blessed beyond belief to feel this way, and I am doubly blessed that some of these escorts actually like me enough in return to tolerate me with all of my weaknesses and mistakes. If they can do that, why do so many other people care so much and want to change a situation that doesn’t impact them at all? I only apologize to the same escorts I thanked above, if my journey, my experiences, my blog, and my opinions have caused you any harm or discomfort – that is my perpetual fear and I am so, so sorry.
Another concept related to ‘polyamoury’ was explained to me recently by a beloved escort. It is the idea of ‘Compersion’. The concept of taking pleasure, in someone else’s pleasure with other people or things, that does not directly involve you. I guess that is the feeling I get watching great things, bookings and connections happen in this industry, I really feel like I get a strong sense of joy (compersion) when I see this happen for others (both escorts and clients). Of course I want those experience and joys for myself, but I want them for others as well. I hope that maybe some of the people that I care about, and care for me, can experience a little of that too, as I discuss, reveal and contemplate my own journey. After all, whether you are a participant in the individual moment or experience or not, you are part of the pathway and journey that brought me here – I love you. Hopefully you share part of my journey ahead as well.
Thank you for your readership. Your comments and feedback are as always greatly appreciated. Thank you also for everyone else who undertook the ‘Get to know me’ meme, I know it annoyed a lot of people, but I appreciated the insights that everyone freely gave about themselves – I enjoyed it as something different and communicative.
Xx SP 1 June 2017 (article updated 22 June 2017).