Changed Man

Being a client of escorts has changed me forever …

I am sitting across a restaurant table from someone that I adore. I have been waiting for this moment for weeks, since the booking was originally locked-in. I am excited, nervous, my soul is buzzing. I know that the next four-hours will be amazing, they always are. However, I also know that with every passing minute, this moment is rapidly disappearing. A little piece of perfection, that will soon become another wonderful memory, in a pretend relationship with a regular Escort.

As a middle-aged man, who started this journey after years without love and intimacy, these experiences, this amazing adventure, has filled a void in my life. It has been an incredible ride, way beyond belief and far beyond my expectations. It has also changed me forever. I want more, I need more, I am alive again. I feel the youngest in spirit that I have in over a decade, and the result of this energy is a real personal need for transition.

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My Big Change

I am leaving my loveless and terminally ill relationship. I can’t pretend that an empty marriage, held together by obligation, is an appropriate way to fade into the oblivion of old age. I also can’t keep this secret life going in the way that it has for much longer. The amazing highs, and moments of what feels like real intimacy, have changed me. I am reawakened to intimacy, to love and to possibilities. As a result the gaps in between are getting darker, more melancholy and more depressing. I miss the highs, and I miss the wonderful Escorts, that I have these amazing moments with.

I appreciate that life is a journey with rich interpersonal moments, and I have gravitated to the idea of sharing intimacy with more than one person. However even that isn’t enough. I need someone or some people who are partners on the longer journey with me. I need at least one or two of these relationships of short-moments to have some longer duration. For a deep connection that is about more than the occasional, time-managed, moments. I also need to know that this person wants to be with me, for me, and off-the-clock, not just for the income or the patronage.

This change may not work, it might be impossible for me, a fool’s errand. I may not find anything approaching what I am looking for. Someone with a more open attitude to sharing intimacy than the other relationships I have had in the past. Someone with a more adventurous approach to love, travel, sex, unusual experiences and openness – basically more adventurous in every way.

If I don’t find it, that’s OK! I will come back to Escorts and other ways of sharing moments and intimacy, but I will do it in a far more transparent way. I enjoy being with Escorts, but I don’t enjoy doing it covertly and with permanent risk of discovery. I don’t enjoy living a lie if I don’t have too. When I feel that I am back ‘in personal integrity’ with myself, and honest with anyone that I am in a relationship with, then I want to share a life that is rich with sexual and intimate discovery.

What Brought About This Change?

This has always been a transitional phase of my life, a mid-life crisis if that suits your interpretation. I thought I would have some sex, some fun, and meet some interesting people. I didn’t think that it would completely change my perspective, and it really has fundamentally changed my perspective. I can’t live a boring vanilla life anymore. I can’t imagine a permanent monogamous relationship, where intimacy is confined to only one other person, forever. I want to share pathways, but have access to intimacy and meaning with other people as well.

The other problem that I have, is that once I become single again, I can’t imagine only getting this intimacy and connection from paid bookings with Escorts. It has to be some combination, and some of it needs to be about more than disconnected moments. Part of the journey needs to be with someone where the conversation, desires and plans for the journey ahead are shared. A story with two people in the designer’s seat.

For a while, I think I will need to drop or reduce paying Escorts for personal moments, so that I can see what else is around for me. What options and realities exist for building a more open and transparent connection with a woman that wants something similar.

Thank You!

I owe so much to the Escorts and fellow travelers that I have met. As a result of these experiences, I value myself more. I know some of the amazing things that are possible in a new life for myself. I have sought psychological, physical and emotional improvement. I have lost weight, I am getting fitter, I take more pride in my appearance and I have more fun. I have a sh^t-load of fun!

I am probably not going anywhere for long. I will probably be in touch with a lot of people that I have met on this journey. I will probably make bookings and be intimate with Escorts that I have met and that I adore, but it will be in a new and open way. Who knows, you may see my face, my real name and if I keep this Percie Blakeney character around, it will be because his persona was a valued part of this transition, and a part of the fun.

I don’t know exactly where the journey will take me now, and that is part of the fun. Thank you for getting me here and thank you to those who will be part of the next adventure.

I am not sure whether blogging and social media will still be part of my journey when I get back from my overseas trip. If not, I will leave all of this here for a while. If it is, then no doubt I will have new stories to tell and some may be about relationships and experiences that sit in between Escort bookings. Thank you as always for your readership, especially my repeat offenders and friends.

Xx SP 26 September 2017.

 

Staying in the Moment

Getting the most from a booking with a wonderful escort.

Embracing the fantasy!

A booking with an escort is a unique moment in time. Almost assuredly the escort has prepared for the moment, and any client wanting a good experience will have done the same. The escort and client meet at an agreed time, spend an agreed amount of time together, and then conclude at an agreed time.

Something unique and never to be repeated has happened, it may have been awful for one or both parties, it may have been amazing for one or both parties. A purchased and completely customised service has been produced and it has been consumed. A ‘moment-in-time’ has existed, never to be repeated in exactly the same way ever again.

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Moments and Forever.

In the fairy-tales, those perfect ‘soul-mate’ relationships end with a ‘happily ever after’. We are taught, conditioned and perhaps in some respects biologically ‘wired’ to seek a lasting connection. In the sex-work world, specifically the escort-client experiences discussed in this blog, it is not a unending relationship, it is a moment.

The client usually wants a ‘moment’, an ‘experience’, that is without entanglements and coordinated like booking a show, or conducting a business meeting. The escort wants to deliver a service with a start and a finish, that earns money for the time and effort committed. Everyone involved wants it to be a moment and yet so often there are entanglements and residual issues.

Celebrating a moment.

One of the best pieces of advice I have received in respect to seeing escorts is – be true to the moment. The escort-client booking was born to be a moment. The absolute best ones are the magic that dreams and life-long memories are made from. I have only recounted three of mine so far in this blog, Degustation Dream, Harbour Lights, and Holiday Hideaway, mainly because people don’t seem that keen to read about other people’s bookings.

Bookings like these, and I hope ones that you have experienced and are perhaps reminiscing about now, are encapsulated moments. It is these little, joyous, memories of a single event, little perfect ‘bubbles in time’ – that are how a great escort-client booking can and should be. Those of us the participate in this industry are lucky humans indeed to have these unique memories, unlike most other relationships and intimate encounters.

So what goes wrong?

We can’t always stay within or true to the moment. We start to assume that it means something about the future. One great moment, especially if followed by another, then another, becomes addictive. If these are connected to the same person, we may ‘fall in love’, or otherwise develop a dependency upon this person as our connection, our bridge, to our growing addiction to these ‘great moments’, something I discussed in ‘Loving an Escort’.

In addition, we may not believe the fantasy of the moment was as strong as it seemed at the time. We look for reinforcement, endorsement, between-booking contact and other confirmation of the joy we felt, especially when we are feeling down, needy, insecure, or have had a bad experience somewhere else in our life.

This isn’t a client versus escort divide. Escorts may also want connection to certain clients that bridge certain moments and outcomes. They may also seek client and colleague confirmations when they are feeling down, or under siege from the not-so-fantastic elements of life that exist between these fantastic fleeting moments.

Imbalance – when it means more to one person than the other.

We don’t always see these connections and confirmations in the same way, or with the same intensity, as the person we are seeking them from. An escort can use this ‘moment addiction’ and ‘endorsement need’ to build dependence and support their business. A client can use the same to extract unfair outcomes from escorts in a variety of manipulative ways. In many cases, both parties suggest to each other that there is a strong ‘connection’, a bridge between moments for both of them. Sometimes there may be, but perhaps more often, the promise of a ‘greater connection’ may be more of a fantasy than those gladly shared and created within the confines of a booking.

Celebrate the moment!

So I had a ‘moment of fantasy’ before I wrote this article. I had one the week before, and I had a number before that – some I have discussed within this blog. I keep having great moments with some of the same people. Not surprisingly I am becoming addicted to them for the moments that we have together. I am also becoming addicted to some of the same people for the confirmations, endorsements and support that they give me at other times – allowing me to feel better about myself and my escort experiences when I need the emotional boost and ratification.

Some of my ‘over-thinking’ and article-based analysis lives in the spaces between these moments of fantasy. With some escorts it is important to me that there is a connection that is not only bound by the constraints of a booking, that there is some connection that exists in the ‘grey-area’ in between and around them. It is joyous to think that this ‘bigger connection’ exists and traumatic when we discover that it doesn’t – that in some cases it was all a charade.

So the best solution, in the vast majority of cases, is just to live within the ‘moment-of-fantasy’, the boundaries created by the booking alone. Celebrate, live-within, remember and isolate these as amazing little stories. Something that clients and escorts have, that pretty much the rest of the world does not.

If you can’t, and in some cases I can’t, then at least be prepared for the fantasy to be destroyed. Maybe, if you are super fortunate one of these ‘chain-of-moments’ may just have a ‘spark of forever’ about it – some amazing hybrid combination of booking moments as well as a non-booking connection. Unfortunately when you put it like that, it sounds even more unlikely, but then maybe I am a tragic romantic after all.

Enjoy the booking for what it is! If you get more, take it, appreciate it, be thankful for it, but don’t expect it – after all, it is not part of the agreement.

Thank you for your readership. As always comments, sharing and engagement here and on Twitter are most appreciated.

Xx SP 2 May 2017 (article updated 3 June 2017).

Thoughtful Gifts

Some thoughts and recollections on client-escort gifts.

Gifts between escorts and clients.

I really do need to write more upbeat blog articles. Here is one that I really enjoyed writing and have enjoyed updating as well. This piece may not be exactly what you think, this is not the story of clients giving escorts gifts, I will write on that topic another day, this is the story of clients (this client) receiving gifts from escorts.

Maybe if you are a fellow traveler (client), then this may happen for you a lot, but in my experience it is a relatively rare and highly cherished thing. Maybe this is because it goes against the ‘flow of money’, but when a small, relatively low-cost, but clearly considerate gift is given, it is a very moving and memorable thing. It is one of those surprising highlights that just feels so nice and that feeling lasts a very long time.

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Why is a gift from an escort so special?

There are a number of obvious reasons, the main one being that it is unexpected. In addition, no matter how small, it is a return of some of the financial earnings of the escort. It also shows that you, the client, were on their mind outside of a booking for at least long enough for the purchase of a gift. I don’t know about other clients, but to know that a single thought of me passed through the mind of an escort I care about, outside of the booking or planning, is such an amazingly uplifting feeling – and a gift is proof of that moment of thought. When it is a gift with meaning, that shows a real understanding of you and your personality or desires, then it is a joyous and highly memorable moment.

Small time extensions, communication outside of bookings or their arrangement, extra effort in any aspect of the booking, clear attentiveness, all of these things are of course gifts as well. Anything ‘above and beyond’ that is given at the escort’s discretion, is in its own way a gift, given to the client by the escort. These should never be expected and they should always be appreciated. However the receipt of something physical, a real gift and symbol that sits outside of the booking, is a very sweet experience indeed.

Some of my memorable moments.

I have had champagne brought to bookings by my companions, those moments stick in my memory. I have had cards on my Birthday and at Christmas with very kind words, even notes left for no reason at all, I have kept them all, well hidden, but they all mean something to me. One in particular just struck a chord with what it said and how it was given and it brings a tear to my eye just recalling it.

I have been given a cigarette lighter from an escort’s overseas holiday destination and weird candy and chocolates brought back from overseas trips as well. Every gift I have received I recall clearly, and they all bring the memory of the booking and the person back with them, recalled more easily than some other bookings. The recollection is made easier thanks to the connection, that moment of surprise that goes with receiving an unexpected gift, offered by a beautiful and kind escort, makes those moments stick clearly in my memory.

A few gift stories illustrate my point, and they make me remember sweet and wonderful things about four amazing women. Firstly there is a repeat offender who sends me back, or returns in hand, with strange and wonderful alcoholic beverages and other accoutrements from her travels – items not generally available in Australia – yes she is an addiction in more ways than one. This has also included weird and wonderful sex toys from overseas. She is a lot braver than me, heading through customs with some of those items, all for the fun of discovery and sharing.

Secondly two wonderful escorts brought me back a very meaningful item from their overseas travels. That specific (and currently secret) item has been ‘on-tour’ with me and may take up its own place in a photo essay or blog article story one day. Finally, there is a simple engraved key ring, it captures an important connection and mantra for me so clearly and simply, that it just brings a whole host of memories and emotions flooding back to me whenever I see it – and I see it every day. I named a whole article after this gift called ‘Adventure’, this one gift is an anchor-point and perpetual reminder that we should all be here to have fun, great experiences and adventure. Sometimes I need that message and a re-focus on fun.

Making moments meaningful.

I think my take-away from this article is a simple one. Whether a client or an escort, you can make a moment meaningful outside of the financial or situational specifics of a booking. Something exchanged, words, feelings, a gift or giving a little something extra of yourself, they all show that there is just a little more happening between two people than a transaction. Of course if there isn’t that is perfectly fine, a normal booking is highly enjoyable, rewarding and fun, just not the subject of this article. Sometimes however it is nice to give and to receive, just a little bit more. In some cases, the gift is so charged with meaning, it will never be forgotten.

If you are the person going the extra step, you are giving the other person just a bit better experience and a better day. If you know someone well enough, you may even end up giving them something that means the world to them.

Celebrating the adventure!

You may feel from some of my articles and explorations that I have a negative reading on escorting and my experiences. That couldn’t be further from the truth, it is just that my writing is often here to explore issues, and often those issues are areas of tension in this tension packed industry. I am pleased in this case to tell you a story, a true and emotional story, of real giving generously offered to me.

I am not sure that the gifts I have given to escorts in return mean as much, but I have been touched deeply on a number of occasions by the thoughtfulness of escorts and the things that they have given to me – sometimes a gift, sometimes an idea, sometimes something of themselves – most escorts are extremely giving people and that is part of the reason why my secret client life, often feels like the richest part of my life. It is certainly rich in experience and human interaction.

I hope that it isn’t just my ‘issue posts’ that gather attention, I hope that you also like hearing something on the positive things that escorts bring to clients like me.

Thank you for your readership. If you feel like sharing, commenting or feedback, that is greatly appreciated, as are your thoughts and experiences if you care to add them. Thanks to Mike and Bella for comments on the original version of this article.

Xx SP 19 April 2017 (article updated 25 May 2017).