Adventure

The thrill of the journey – focusing on having fun!

This should all be fun!

Why would a client book an escort if it wasn’t for enjoyment? This is a question worth asking yourself over and over again. There are lots of other factors that can creep into a client’s head – past history, guilt, expectation, wanting to impress the companion, and a host of other reasons that are probably ‘bad thinking’.

If you read my blog before these articles were republished, then you know I like to explore issues with personal meaning. That can appear as dark, brooding and over-thinking. Time for a break! For this article, it is about the sheer fun and adventure of seeing an escort. Plus now that I’m back revisiting these articles, I am in a much more positive space.

AdventureCocktail

Why did I see my first escort?

I had a life trigger that made me ask, was I having fun? The answer, no matter how I tried to convince myself otherwise was ‘No’. I was in the all too common situation of doing what I had to do at work and at home, and not really doing anything selfish, anything that was truly for me and for me alone. I guess that classic description is a ‘mid-life crisis’, it doesn’t matter what you call it or when it happens – I decided I was going to be selfish and do some things just for me!

My decision included more travel, more events, spending money on things I wanted and buying some ‘entanglement free’ sex and companionship. I say ‘entanglement free’ in inverted commas, because it is two human beings and there is no such thing as ‘entanglement free’ as a lot of the articles in my blog explore in detail. If those conversations interest you, try ‘Becoming a Client’, ‘Sex and Guilt’, and ‘Hurt Feelings’, those articles go into more detail on the inevitable ‘entanglements’.

The point here, is that we should keep going back to ‘what makes it fun’, the reason I became a client and also the reason why so many of my early bookings were fun. I was naive, no entanglements had developed, it was new, fresh, exciting and fun. If you have been doing this for a while like I have, then there may come times along the journey to re-focus on the pure enjoyment of spending some quality time and having fun with an amazing escort.

Best times and best moments!

I have had the best moments in my life with escorts, and by that I mean the most fun. There is a subtle but important difference between ‘times’ and ‘moments’. My best times are extended life experiences of achievement, family, children and other elements in the overall journey of life. My best moments however are short, memorable, joyous ‘bubbles’ that are usually unexpected and surprising.

Seeing an escort, at its best, can create these ‘memory bubbles’, moments of near perfection that sit alone – within, but aside, from the regular year-after-year flow of one’s life. Most of the ‘moments’ that return to my mind in quiet reflection are with escorts – they are the closest thing I have to pure selfish fun! They have even made it into my dreams on many occasions, sort of an ‘on-demand’ replay bonus by an unreliable video player – that doesn’t always play the memory that you want.

I have been fortunate to be able to recount some of these moments of pure perfection here, in the stories ‘Harbour Lights’, ‘Degustation Dream’, and ‘Holiday Hideaway’. There have been others too, some I am yet to write, others that the escort involved would prefer were unspoken, and no doubt, some more to come.

What is an ‘escort adventure’ for me?

One of the reasons that I prefer dinner-dates (or longer format bookings), is to shoot for the stars on a combination of great food, drinks, company, conversation, connection and sex. That is six factors, if you want to think about it like that, that all need to go right – seven if you are crazy enough to add an experience (show, concert, trip or event) into the mix. Get a few of them right, at the same time, and it makes for a great date, and most escort meetings are ‘great dates’. Get most of them together and it makes for an unforgettable memory. Get them all perfect and it is like the ‘holy grail’, one of those perfect moments you just want to capture, bottle and stare at for the rest of eternity. Those ‘Unicorn’ moments of course I remember the best.

The fact that this mix has been perfect for me – all six from six – on eight occasions, yes I know exactly how many, because they are moments that I will never forget, is probably the answer to why I am a client of escorts for the long haul. (update note: the number is now even higher, but from this update, I am not giving a ‘number’ any longer). Those sort of experiences are addictive – the things that quests and crusades are created from. I am greedy for more moments of pure bliss and the many other ‘close calls’ (often only a slight miss due to other external factors – out of the control of the escort or myself) that are still amazing dates and needless to say, the best money, and moments in time, that I have ever spent. There is of course the risk that you start expecting ‘near perfection’, something to be very careful of, as it can ruin wonderful connections.

Some moments of perfection!

A second ‘date’ of perfection with a perfect degustation, beautiful wines, stimulating conversation and unbridled sex that neither of us were willing to let end. A night at the ballet, a room upgrade, fine food and one of the smartest, sweetest and radiant women I have ever met. My muse, free-spirit and inspiration, dining with the harbour lights with perfect food and cocktails and an easiness of connection that is always totally disarming. A public holiday, spent alone in the company of a most amazing woman, while the clock almost stopped. Four dates of perfection that I will never forget. I would add some of the other stories with these and other equally amazing escorts, but I think the idea is sufficiently expressed for this article. I need to save some stories for another day, and these four stories are already links, mentioned elsewhere in this blog.

Out-of-booking entanglements.

I am enriched in my life from the connection, friendships, contact, support, advice and other positive ‘entanglements’ that wonderful escorts have offered, and that I have gratefully accepted and hopefully reciprocated. I have also had negative ‘entanglements’ of jealousy, guilt, malicious attack, money grabbing and emotional blackmail, this is all completely human. In my darker moments I have not been completely innocent on this front either, as doubts and emotions play their wicked game. It is however a trap – a trap that can take us away, both client and escort, from the part of this industry, these engagements, these dates or bookings, that should be primarily about pure fun and enjoyment.

Just after I first published this article, I had another new adventure that did not involve escort bookings. I took my first short break from bookings since I started on this journey, and set off to experience a different kind of fun. It is always good to have a break, reassess and examine where you are. I even wondered whether after a hiatus I would return at all? Well as you can see from the articles since, my ‘Hiatus Perspective’, reinforced the joy I had in seeing escorts and re-booking some amazing women that I adore. It was also a great re-focus on the core idea of fun, enjoyment and experience.

I am back to the adventure of seeing escort companions. I am continuing to try to shed or manage the few negative entanglements that still remain, embracing the positive ones for as long as they are offered, and I will make some more of those ‘holy-grail’ moments of perfection happen again.

Here is to each and every one of you enjoying the adventure and having fun!

Thank you so much for your readership. Please share, comment, give me feedback and tell me about your own motivations and adventures. In the ‘re-publishing’ of this blog, I decided to re-do this piece as my second article, as it is a great scene setter for the positivity of the client-escort experience.

Plus in seeing Lana Del Rey perform in concert tonight, I wanted to celebrate the person who started this whole journey for me, the person who introduced me to LDR and the person who always reminded me … it is meant to be a fun adventure! “I don’t even think of you that often …”.

Xx SP 24 March 2017 (article updated 15 May 2017 and again on 31 March 2018).

Why Multiple Escorts?

The reasons why I book more than one escort.

Why would a client see more than one escort?

The flippant answer would be, because they can! Once someone (once again, I am talking about me), decides to book an escort, the other question would be: Why wouldn’t someone see as many beautiful, amazing and unique escorts as they can, as often as they can?

Of course I could make analogous arguments about different fine dining cuisines, trying different wines and whiskeys, or anything else we do in our lives that we enjoy in both the act and the variety. They may be sound arguments on one level, but here we are talking about people. So I am simply going to explain my current reasons for seeing multiple escorts and see what you think.

ScotchBottles

The first-time, the tenth-time and the last-time!

I actually had to stop writing and go for a walk after writing the words ‘last-time’. I will come to the reason for that in a minute, but I can already tell this is going to be a surprisingly hard blog article for me to write as there have been too many ‘last times’, and maybe that is an argument in itself for seeing more than one escort. For now, lets start with adrenaline and excitement.

The excitement of meeting someone new.

There is an adrenaline rush to seeing someone for the first time. The build-up, the novelty, the surprise and the unknown, all come together and make the first booking special in its own way. I have written about how I choose a first booking in ‘Virtual, Physical, and Cerebral’, the online processes of discovery, making choices, and the progression to re-booking and seeing escorts regularly.

The opposite side of novelty and excitement, is leaving little orphan-dates or escort ‘one-night stands’, behind you. It may surprise some people to know that I feel regret, sadness and melancholy at the idea of seeing certain escorts only once. I addressed this in the piece on ‘Single Booking Sadness’. Some clients see all of their escort bookings only once. Their whole exercise is experiencing the novelty, newness and adrenaline rush. I couldn’t do that, the excitement of a first time booking is one reason for seeing multiple escorts, but the feeling of ‘sequel stories remaining untold’, is actually reducing the number of new escorts that I see. I have strong regrets for not seeing a number of these amazing women again – at least up until now. Despite that, excitement, adrenaline and attraction still mean that a ‘first-booking’ remains one good reason for seeing multiple escorts.

Meeting someone for the ‘tenth-time’.

Then there are the individual journeys. There is in my mind, no point in even calling these ‘client-escort’ relationships, as they are unique in every way. The one common thing is that they are still a transaction. The ‘business’ and the livelihood of the escort must be respected and honoured at all times. So along with that comes time limits, rules of conduct and constraints around time-wasting and unfair and unrealistic expectations. At the same time the dynamic is completely different in every case. Completely different as each relationship and what we get from each other varies dramatically.

I have spoken in connection with ‘developing relationships’ more than on any other topic. How repeat and regular connections come about in ‘Making It Regular’. How we can hurt each other in ‘Hurt Feelings’. How these developing relationships can go wrong in ‘What Went Wrong?’, and ‘Escort Relationship Breakdowns’. Even the light-hearted take on chasing escorts that are extra-special in ‘Chasing Unicorns’. The reason for seeing multiple escorts, when it is connected to developing relationships, is as unique as the relationships themselves.

I see some escorts because I am actually in love with them or at least the idea of a continuing developing relationship with them (within the boundaries of it still remaining a escort-client transaction). I guess it is a ‘love of our moments together’, rather than a more traditional relationship. I know that this isn’t necessarily a healthy thing, but the heart wants what the heart wants. I agonize about this, the appropriateness of these feelings, as well as how to manage them and not drive the adored escort away. Some of the hardest articles for me to write were ‘Loving an Escort’, and ‘Friends and Lovers’, both heavily loaded with thinking about these powerful and consuming connections. The hardest of all was ‘My End of Summer’ detailing the end of a long connection of bookings with a regular – always respecting the ‘business’ and the escort transaction. I have no choice really, I need to keep seeing these escorts for as long as they will continue to have me, knowing all along that the end will arrive at some point.

Heading towards the ‘tenth-time’.

Then there are other great women who I am earlier on the journey with, or have a different connection with. Some offer a unique or different experience to other escorts that I see. Even classing these differences as client-escort relationships completely misses the points of different. Some are enormous fun, light-hearted and experiential. Others are deeper, mystical, spiritual and intellectual. Others are raw, and can even feel slightly dangerous and edgy. Some are simply the most amazing people, and I just feel blessed to be in their company for a small amount of time. How can anyone give up on the breadth, joy, depth and intensity of these experiences.

I imagine, but don’t obviously know, that it must be similar in some ways for some escorts thinking about their clients. Maybe they have a favorite and maybe they don’t. Surely, it is true that different clients also bring different experiences to the escorts that they meet. On one level it is the multiplicity of various and different contacts that makes the whole escort-client world such an amazing one. The fact that we are all enriched by different and intimate relationships with a range of people is one of the most wonderful things about the whole escort industry.

Meeting someone for the last-time!

The easy thing to say here is that one reason for seeing multiple escorts is so that if the relationship fails, or the escort retires, or if they are unavailable, then bookings and experiences can continue. That is pretty obvious, but of course a client could just start again with a new escort and new experiences.

As anyone who has been following this blog knows, I have lost some connections that were important to me. There are reasons for this, but the fact that we are no longer in each others lives, even for the brief moments that the escort-client dynamic offers, still hurts. I spoke about ‘Staying in the Moment’ and believe what I wrote, however the power of those moments, and those moments lost, still impacts and haunts me. One reason for seeing more than one escort, is that the ‘pain’ is reduced by the connection and enjoyment of being in the life of someone else. Having another ‘escort-client connection’ that is offering joy, when another is still delivering pain.

I am fortunate beyond my wildest dreams that there are some escorts who care about me enough to check that I am OK, make me laugh, share their thoughts and simply give me joy. I hope that I am giving them at least a little of the same in return, because this amazing roller-coaster is wonderful and awful to us all, all at the same time. As I have said before, whether I am having a ‘mind-blowingly’ amazing day, or a down day, at least since I started on this journey, I know that I’m alive.

So why stop seeing multiple escorts?

Fairly recently I have had a scare or two. If you read my blog regularly, you will know that it was the ‘end of the line’ with one amazing escort and I also mistakenly thought that I was not going to be able to see someone else again. It came out of the blue, and it hit me in the chest like a clamp. I was reduced to tears and I still get emotional when I think about that moment. For those who know me, it was one of the reasons my writing and my Twitter behaviour was a little ‘all over the place’, and perhaps a bit darker than usual. I was surprised by the level and depth that these events rocked me, it wasn’t rational, it was pure emotion. It certainly goes to show how strong the experiences in a client-escort connection can be, it is an amazing ride.

One of the outcomes of these events, is that I now know why some clients don’t see multiple escorts, or at least why they might stop seeing multiple escorts. If I was asked to be exclusive, not a real-relationship just a special ‘client-escort’ connection in the cases I just described, I might actually say yes. So I can see why circumstances, connections, relationships and emotions make people choose different models when it comes to the question ‘Why Multiple Escorts?’.

Recently I heard a ‘psychologist’ speaker talking about ‘explore’ and ‘exploit’ behaviours. The idea that in a new city, you go ‘exploring’ until you have enough experiences and information to ‘exploit’ that information. Trying restaurants until you find enough of the types that you like to start making regular bookings and going back to the same favorites. I guess this could apply in the escort-client world. Maybe my ‘exploring’ days are getting shorter, and my desire to build connections with escorts I feel connected too is increasing. We may all be in different stages of this personal journey.

I love what I am able to experience and the amazing, unique and wonderful women that have blessed me with their company. That is why I currently see multiple escorts. In a different universe, that I don’t believe I deserve, I might actually just follow someone who has stolen my heart. Or in this current journey, I may just choose to explore less and maintain connections with a few wonderful escorts. I guess I will find out.

Thank you as always for reading, I’m always surprised that any of you do.

Xx SP 24 May 2017 (updated 16 June 2017).

Why This Blog?

Percival Blakeney on the reasons for writing articles.

Why write client-side articles on escort experiences?

This article marked my thirtieth (yes 30th) article since launching this blog. It is always a good time for asking myself … why am I doing this? Why does an anonymous and shy client of sex-workers, feel compelled to write experiential and topical articles on client-escort relations, a secret journey and issues connected with being a client of escorts?

That is of course a very good question, and there must be something different about me, because this sort of blog is very uncommon. I am going to try and tell you (and tell myself) why I am doing this, and also perhaps just as importantly, mention the things that are NOT motivations for this blog and its articles.

WindowParty

Why did I launch this blog?

The simplest and truest reason, is that I can’t talk to anyone! At the time I started this blog, I had been seeing escorts for more than a year, this exciting and secret world, that delivered me so much joy, had no conversational outlet. I couldn’t tell any family, any friends, anyone at all, other than very sanitized and private versions to the escorts that I was seeing. As great as it is to talk to escorts, our mutual role as ‘Secret Keepers’ (see separate article), meant that the boundaries of respect and privacy severely limit the nature of that conversation. It is fine to discuss the industry at large, some of our personal feelings and experiences and how our lives are playing out, it is not a territory for deeper and sometimes darker exploration of this now significant and important part of my life.

Yes, there are forums, there are other ‘get-together’ events and opportunities, and there are fellow travelers on this road. For the reasons you will hear in this article, most of those avenues don’t suit me particularly well. I’m not interested in ‘reviewing’ escorts for others, I am not interested in ‘dirty laundry’, I am not interested in a ‘position of influence’ in the industry or with other punters, and I am not interested in the majority of social events when I could be in a booking with one of the escorts that I adore. I do however need an intellectual release for what is becoming a major part of my life, and I do need to talk about my feelings, my experiences and my thoughts.

Motivations for writing.

I have written professionally before, but I don’t get to do the ‘writing leg-work’ anymore for other parts of my life. I have had aspirations of a fictional novel one day (nothing to do with sex-work). I find that I think and personally explore topics and issues better, when I write about them, edit my thoughts, re-read and adjust them, and let them bounce around in my head. It isn’t quite the same as a great conversation in many ways, but in others ways it can also be better. If it wasn’t published, as in a private diary, I would loose the driver to think carefully, analyse the thoughts, and think about how others may view my experiences and thinking. I also hoped to get just enough attention and support, that others would tell me what they thought, what they had experienced, and help me navigate my own way through these topics and experiences.

Motivations against writing.

I am no expert on these topics! I have had many bookings with a now significant number of escorts, and all I keep discovering is that I know nothing. So I am highly concerned whenever someone places me in position that I do not deserve, and I am not qualified to hold. I am not a subject matter expert, I am not someone that should be considered aspirational or inspirational, and I am not doing this to have any influence on the industry, on its participants, or even on my most devoted readers and contacts – this is a self-centered endeavour of personal discovery and exploration. As well as a relief valve for talking out into the void, out into the Internet, when there is no one else in my life that can fill that role of listener to my client world experiences.

I am also different when I’m thinking. I’m a bit darker, a bit more confused, a bit more serious and possibly a bit less connected. I am less fun online than I am in person. My biggest concern, is that the people I like and have met in this industry, won’t like or appreciate this side of me, this blog, and the waves it makes. I am worried because I have already created collateral damage, where these people who are important to me, reject the real me, because of the writer me. This has already happened and it is causing me a great deal of emotional turmoil. I have had escorts I have met and that seemed to like or tolerate the ‘real me’, tell me they can’t see me anymore and block me on Twitter. I can also see some other escorts, who still see me, are also concerned about this blog, and it has impacted our personal connection in a negative way. There are lots of well-meaning and reasonable escorts who don’t want client voices online – even the respectful, thoughtful and industry-supporting ones. More than any other reason, this is the one reason that often makes me think of deleting this blog and killing the associated Twitter account.

Other consequences of writing.

When initially published, this was my thirtieth article, I am not sure how many I have left in me, so the longevity and ultimate continuation of this exercise is a ‘big, open, question’. The tally is now 38-articles, and the pace has already slowed a little. I have also made more contact with other travelers (punters if we must use that word), and as long as this is about positive support, I am all for it, I am not however interested in private stories or diminishing any escort or other industry participants. I would however like to tell some of their stories, if the chance presents itself. Similarly I am interested in telling the stories of other clients and escorts, and other people’s stories where they are as general, confidential, non-threatening and supporting as I try to be with the rest of the content on this blog. The first ‘Interview With an Escort’ was published in June. That is all just a ‘writers interest’ at this stage, and I imagine the practicalities will probably stop most of that from happening.

I also get attacked. Not physically, but in the ‘back-blocks’ of social media. I don’t really know why? Maybe the difference of this blog is threatening or confusing to some who don’t know me and even some who do. Maybe I am a soft target for angst at clients in general or some other ‘hurtful demon’ that is plaguing the people who troll others online. Maybe I am a pariah after all, that is worthy of attack and living in some delusion that I am harmless. This seems to be an increasing issue. Recently it seems other industry sites are withdrawing from publishing client perspective content. Although I appreciate the place and rationale for Punter Planet, it just doesn’t fit with me. Since there really is very little other client perspective material, other than 140-character Twitter posts, I am worried that I am ‘out-on-a-limb’ and at severe risk of attracting the wrong attention and being ‘chopped-down’. I get that sort of ‘threat’ on a daily basis.

This is becoming serious, in the weeks since I started, the threats have become significant and sustained. Certainly it is nothing compared to what many escorts face day in and day out. Those threats alone are not going to make me stop. However if I knew that I was actually doing any harm, putting any escort at risk, or doing any damage to an industry that has been kind to me, then I would shut this blog down in a heartbeat. In fact I came very close yesterday (the day before this article redraft) when escorts I admire questioned this blog and my motivation. Worse still, people I have met in person blocked me. Worst of all, people I truly adore are clearly backing away from my account and staying quiet with their contact. I am feeling very isolated and that is the opposite of my desire to learn and to share. If this progresses, I won’t be able to just stop writing, I will have to stop being a client as well – as clearly once ‘blacklisted’, the journey is effectively over.

What is next?

I had intended to publish some more articles soon. I had some offers of guest articles as well, but now that there has been a lot of online debate, no one wants to take the risk of being the center of unwanted attention. I am also working back through the initial ones to give them a slight update, and ironically this piece was next on the list.

Now that the voices for stopping seem to be growing louder than the ones for continuing, I think it is inevitable that I will be forced to stop writing. I feel like a ‘small, needy, sad person’, effectively calling for support, but without some clear feedback from people who want to read these articles, I am afraid the industry has effectively spoken and client comment will stay within Punter Planet as the only surviving Australian channel. I however will be silent and I will be gone, to applause in many places I’m sure.

I hope that this, the redrafting of my thirtieth article, has given you a background on why these pieces were put here. If you were concerned, or remain concerned, hopefully you have some comfort that you are not at risk because of this blog. If you thought I had some crazy industry aspiration, then hopefully you can also see that is the furthest thing from my mind. I am a secretive, issue-ridden, confused and often over-thinking client who happens to have found joy in the company of the great escorts of Australia. This is where I come to explore the client-side of seeing escorts and without some support, the journey is rapidly coming close to its end.

Thank you for you readership. Please as always, feel free to share, comment here or on Twitter – your views and feedback are always welcome whether they are in agreement or disagreement, these topics are normally entirely the result of a spectrum of viewpoints I experience online and a level of personal confusion for me as a client of this industry. I hope that I have added some value along the way.

Xx SP 13 May 2017 (article updated 13 June 2017).

Hiatus Perspective

Traveling in April was a well needed chance for a review.

Making a personal reassessment.

When I first drafted this article, I had not seen an escort for more than four-weeks. I know that doesn’t sound like much of a break, but it was the longest hiatus for me since I started upon this adventure. Instead, as some of you know, I went traveling and I took the opportunity to do some thinking.

I tried to think about my future. What did I need to do to be better, be aligned with my real self, get more enjoyment out of life, and be a good person to be around for myself and for others. So here is a little insight into that thinking and how it has been progressing since the first release of this article.

HarbourCocktail

Some of the triggers for making change.

One of the triggers for ‘reassessment’ I had already hinted at in this blog in the piece on Relationship Breakdowns. It was an ending with an escort that I liked very much, a person that I had been seeing regularly since almost the beginning of my client journey.  The last part of the last message that I received from her was as follows …

“… there is much I like about you but what I like most about you is your money. If this hurts you remember that I am a sex worker, I do this because I like money and this is how we met. And if this hurts you then maybe you aren’t cut out for being a john after all.

Either way, there’s no going back from this. I think it’s time to accept that our relationship has come to its natural end.”

This very painful conclusion to what I thought was a great connection has been on my mind, and to be honest, is still on my mind. The more confronting parts of this exchange, combined with other personal issues and some other recent negative experiences with escorts made me look at my travel break as a badly needed chance to get some space, think about recent events and return with a plan.

The beginnings of a plan.

I have been needing more from my Escort interactions than it is fair to expect. From the lonely and unfulfilled position that I was in when I started this adventure, I needed physical and sexual fulfillment, and I also needed more interpersonal connection and deep personal intimacy. I put these two things together into the same sought outcome. In some way, I thought that regular and extended (mainly dinner) bookings with escorts might address both groups of needs – especially with escorts where I felt a strong connection. Maybe in some rare cases they can be combined, but for the most part this is asking too much on the relationship, too much from an escort. I have been coming to the party with the wrong expectations. So what does this mean for me?

Friendships with escorts.

In my real-life (I would rather say public life, as it is no more real to me), I deal with clients and offer a personal service. I consider many of my clients as friends. They however don’t know if I am a ‘real friend’ to them, or just a ‘friend for business’, until the client relationship is over – money in any walk-of-life gets in the way of knowing this for sure.

I am in the reverse position in the client-escort world. I hope that friendship has developed in some cases of strong and sustained connection, but I can’t know that it actually exists until the business is over, an emotion and topic that I started to explore in my Friends and Lovers blog. So now, after having been hurt on more than a few occasions, I am going to try and just focus on the ‘business at hand’, and let the friendships, if there are any, sort themselves out over the fullness of time. I am going to be a little more of the ‘ghost’ persona that I described in the blog article and respond to escort communications rather than seek to initiate them.

Since drafting this originally, I do however have to admit that is a work in progress. If anything, I have been in exactly the same position. I am unclear as to whether I can separate bookings from the gaps in between them as much as I had hoped.

Changing my booking behaviour.

None of this means a change in who I am. I can’t help but try to be a gentleman. I feel that regardless of the transactional nature of this business, a client should always try to be charming, good company, as good as they can be at sex, well mannered, clean, respectful, courteous, generous, interested in their partner and play their part in making the experience as rewarding and memorable as possible.

In some ways, this is the same set of behaviours for building friendships, but from now on, I am going to consider it as building a good client-escort connection, and not assume that it is also building a friendship outside of that business relationship. That actually means at least two significant changes for me as this year progresses.

A new adventure.

Part of my booking ‘decision making’ was built around friendship and a sense of related obligation. No escort has any obligation to me and I need to reduce the sense of obligation that I feel toward them. If called upon to be a friend, then I will of course be there, but I no longer feel that it is an obligation to make bookings in the belief that I am helping a friend. I will make bookings on where I believe I will get the most enjoyment in the same way I expect that escorts will take bookings from where they achieve the greatest level of their own goal and need fulfillment.

I will look to the best fulfillment of my physical, sexual, intimacy and enjoyment needs. This will certainly center around escorts I have come to know and feel enjoyment with, but I am aiming to remove any guilt, pity, obligation and any other negative considerations from the way I make decisions about who I ask to see.

Other changes.

I will also be making other changes in my life. I am going to travel more, for its own sake, to learn about new places and meet new people. I am going to get therapy to deal with some of my ‘need to be liked’, to be a friend and gain fulfillment from other life choices in the areas where seeing escorts is not the best pathway. I am going to have fun and I am going to be fun to be around for others in my life, inside and outside of my sex-industry encounters.

I am going to continue to see escorts (and write about it here, in the same generalist and discrete way). Some regulars I am keen to see as soon as possible. I have missed them enormously while I have been away. I may however change from primarily ‘dinner dates’ and look at other booking durations and formats as well. I am undecided on what this means in practice just at the moment, but I am going to try other experiences – more interesting bookings, even if that means less of them in total.

Communication changes.

I am also going to change the way that I communicate. In my work, when a client contacts me, I am responsive to their business needs. Sometimes I send clients that I am less interested in ‘signals’ when I don’t really want their work, or I am too busy to take on any more – this signal is often non-contact or non-response.

In assuming that escorts might be friends, I try to ignore signals that they are too busy, not really interested in seeing me as a client, and I accept a level of delay and need for me to re-contact that I wouldn’t expect in a transactional relationship. I may, as a result, have been guilty of ‘bothering’ well mannered but apparently uninterested escorts into bookings because I put their disinterest down to friendly forgetfulness. Trying to ignore signals that perhaps my business wasn’t wanted.

I’m not going to be that guy anymore – I’ll ask once and assume that non-responsiveness is the real answer. Part of my issue with at least two of my escort relationship ‘break-downs’ was expecting communication and then asking why I wasn’t getting any response.

Exploring my own sexuality.

I am also ready for some other experiences beyond ‘dinner date’ girlfriend (GFE) experiences. I think that in dropping some of my need to ‘build a friendship’, I can experience some bookings that are just more primal and more intensely focused on the sex or other aspects of the experience. I guess I am looking at practitioners in other areas of sex-work to see where my interests start and stop.

As a person with a largely ‘vanilla’ experience of sex, I have a lot to learn, and parts of me to awaken that I don’t even know what they are – they have been dormant for a very long time. This isn’t just for sex, I am opening myself up to other experiences in my life as well.

In my more regular bookings, I believe I will look for some chances to experience other things with trusted regular companions, travel, extended dates, sharing other experiences together, and opportunities for me to have new experiences, fun and enjoyment before time passes and those chances are lost. Hopefully constructing these experiences in a way that is new for my companion as well.

Avoiding being hardened by hurt.

The biggest realization from this hiatus is that I will not be hardened by hurt. I have not been hardened before in my life and I will not be now. To some people this makes me soft and easy to take advantage of. I reinforce my life-long view, that being ‘soft’ and sustaining hurt is far better than being ‘hard’ and immune to emotion. I will keep opening up and seeing what the world can bring. I am simply changing what I personally need to receive from the part of my life that is booking escorts. A personal expectation and contribution to sex and intimacy in the moment, and less expectation around between booking contact and emotional reinforcement of friendship.

One day, I hope this whole adventure leaves me with some industry friends, close companions I met along the journey. I really hope that a few of the people I have met already are in that class of connection. For now however, I am recommitting myself to having fun and new experiences, and doing so in a manner that is respectful, sustainable and thoroughly enjoyable.

I am back from hiatus, I am back writing and I am reinvigorated for what lies ahead.

How is this all progressing?

Now a month on, and several bookings back in to my journey as a client, I am troubled by this article. Of all the articles I have written and then updated later, this is the one where I feel I was mostly talking rubbish. I was trying to tell myself that there would be changes and that I had changed. I haven’t, at least not so far, and if anything I am more troubled by my failure to disconnect ‘booking moments’ from ‘ongoing connections’ than I was before my travel break.

At the time of updating this article, some specific things are playing out. Some drama in other parts of my life, as well as some changes with escorts that I care for. Together they have left me needing the connection with these escorts more than ever. I felt this article talked a good game, but if you want to know if it is real, at least real for me, it isn’t. It was idealistic and aspirational – underneath I am a quivering mess, seriously impacted by a couple of very minor things. As the parting words of my long-term regular said, ‘maybe I’m not cut out for being a John after all’.

I am almost tempted to delete this article, but it is part of my journey as well as the others after all. It certainly shows how confused and conflicted I really am.

Please comment, re-tweet or contact me with feedback if you feel inclined, and thank you (once again in many cases) for reading my self-indulgent articles.

Xx SP 19 April 2017 (article updated 22 May 2017).