Learning Experiences

Seeing escorts has some surprise benefits and great lessons.

Some of the Extra Benefits of Meeting Escorts!

Something I didn’t appreciate when I started seeing escorts, was how much I would learn! I’m not just talking about sex or the industry, I’m talking about music, philosophy, pop-culture, the arts, food, travel, marketing, broader opinion and a whole host of other surprise benefits.

I have spent a significant amount of time on this blog talking about what I have learned and experienced emotionally – maybe too much time. That is part of my personal journey and no doubt a big driver for many clients. It is however surprising how much else I have learned and experienced – much of it totally unexpected.

RuinartChampagne

A Journey of Elucidation!

So let’s start with some of the easy lessons! I have learned that I like quality French Champagne and a host of other food and drink items that I had never tried until in the company of independent escorts. Some of these are expensive tastes, and maybe that is part of the lesson too. I have grown to appreciate spoiling myself and others around me to enjoy and fully experience a moment in time – make it memorable and make it special.

I like trying new cocktails, despite the entertainment value that activity gives certain others to laugh at my apparently more ‘feminine’ drinking behaviours. I think I may even ‘play up’ to that ‘dinner date reputation’. It is great fun trying new restaurants, new food and new drinks with entertaining, experienced professional company. I have discovered that I love Ruinart Rose Champagne, Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque Champagne, Dom Perignon and other fine champagne marques – especially in the company of escorts who enjoy the same wonderful drinks.

In fact I have also discovered, as someone previously limited to red wine, whisky, gin and occasionally beer that I also like Clare Valley and European Rieslings and some other white wines, good saki and a host of weird and wonderful spirits and global drinks. Especially when I am sharing the experience with someone who loves the drink or food that we are trying together. As a previously typical Australian male ‘red meat eater’, I have grown to like seafood far more and even enjoyed vegetarian and vegan meals in great restaurants – although I have no intention of becoming vegetarian myself.

Broader Tastes and Opinions.

It isn’t just food and drink, although you can see that they ‘loom large’ on my personal radar. I have also heavily sampled the musical tastes of the escorts that I have met. People in my ‘real life’ wonder why I have such a varied musical collection now, that includes what I was listening too before meeting escorts, but now with so many more artists. Disturbed, Lana Del Rey, Halsey, Hozier, Tom Waits, The Civil Wars, Dean Lewis, Desi Valentine, Selena Gomez, Perfume Genius, The Lonely Island, and even, god forbid, Kanye West have all been added to my music playlists thanks to experiences with escorts. Of course when these songs play, they also bring back so many emotionally charged memories.

I have watched ballet with an amazing escort who learned dance herself, experiencing the performance in a new way as I observed how she interacted with the experience. Theater, comedy, concerts, movies and wandering the cities of Australia with companions that helped me see these things through different eyes. New experiences, new perspectives and new opinions, that have enriched my life. I feel that I have started exploring the world once again as a ‘younger man’, rather than settling into the same old stale pathways that many of my real-life colleagues are stuck within.

The Effects of Intimate Conversations.

I am a talker, that should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog. I generally have longer bookings with companions who talk too. Those I have seen repeatedly and then regularly have shared with me their opinions, their values, their beliefs, perspectives and philosophies. I have been enriched by these so much, I couldn’t even begin to describe the detail here. I have heard and experienced more spiritual views, travel stories, survival stories, cultural backgrounds, career stories and of course sex-work industry and escort and client origin stories. I have changed my views, opinions and beliefs about so many things, that I doubt I would fully recognise the ‘middle-aged’ man that I was at the start of this journey. I simply do not see the world the same way anymore.

Of course in experiencing so many views, and they are not at all the same. Escorts may have many things in common with each other, how they see the world away from escorting is not one of them, their individual views and experiences are totally diverse and incredibly broad. So another result, is that I appreciate a multitude of viewpoints on quite polarizing topics. I think that is why the rush to ‘one-view’ on social media and the ‘this is how it should be’ conversations surprise me, because in one-on-one conversations, the views, opinions and beliefs couldn’t be more divergent. I love that I now don’t have a singular view on many topics, I see myself on a journey of discovery in so many ways, holding disparate perspectives and wondering which one I might ultimately end up holding and believing. Maybe I will always hold divergent and conflicting views on a number of issues, because I can now see different but still often individually valid perspectives.

Sexual Experiences.

I am still so early on this road. In fact with each passing experience, I think I feel that the road is even longer and that I am even more of a beginner. I am astounded at how little most people know about their own sexuality and overall, how this area itself is perhaps one of the least progressed explorations in all human discussion. We are still in some crazy sexual dark age, where the bulk of the world doesn’t talk, doesn’t explore and doesn’t question their own desires and pathways to sexual fulfillment and enlightenment.

I guess for me, one of the first lessons to this being an individual pathway, is how different every escort is. It is hard to learn ‘what to do’ sexually, as everyone is so different. So there may be plenty of ‘what NOT to do’ lessons to be had, but sensitivities, desires, preferences, physical responses and every other erotic and emotional state is represented. It is difficult to ask straight up, ‘what turns you on?’, but it is something that compatibility, time together and openness to discovery help open up and reward within developing intimate connections. Another interesting thing for me, is that I have discovered I like, and get aroused by, so many different things, scenarios and situations and I’m discovering more all the time. I’ll leave this bit for other articles, but the take-away is that this is a longer, more progressive and changing sexual awakening than I ever expected. It is sort of exciting to think that I still have so much more to experience.

Industry Experiences.

One of the final territories of experiences is learning just a little about the escorting industry. It is a unique and interesting place, so similar to many other personal service markets, but so profoundly different at the same time. I feel those that suggest it is unlike anything else are missing many lessons and market realities, similarly those that suggest it works like other industries, are also missing the massive points of difference and unique things about this variable, secret and incredibly diverse industry (or industries).

It is also frustrating, the level of ‘un-declared’ war that sometimes exists between providers and clients. A partnership at times, a war at others, something I spoke about in more detail in the my last article called ‘Siege Mentality’. My own treatment and some recent issues, made me feel ‘on the outside’ and tempted to write some darker pieces. I am not going to do that, I have decided not to engage in any ‘war’ or ‘dispute’, I can’t see how that helps anyone, and instead be an advocate for partnership and a voice for my journey and experience alone. I have described in this article how profound and amazing my experiences have been, how much they have impacted my whole life, my whole persona and my whole perspective. That is what my blog and my articles and my experiences are all about.

Even the negative aspects of the industry have beneficial lessons to teach. There are ‘experiences’ that happen every day around hustling, time-wasting by clients outside of bookings and sometimes by escorts inside them, secret back-channels and breaches of privacy, ethics, cases of extortion, issues of client and escort mental health, escorts that hate men, clients that hate and abuse escorts, people who abuse the system, the effect of poorly conceived laws and inconsistencies, crimes against escorts (mostly by men but sometimes by other escorts), in-fighting, jealousy, envy, manipulation, two-faced behaviours, passive aggressiveness, escorts managing and pimping other new escorts, chasing escorts for other business interests, the massive recent influx of new escorts, falseness, negligence, criminality and the dynamics of what quieter periods do to the overall health of the industry, and so on, and so on, and so on. Anyone who has been around for a while, sees some of these things and more – it is a big and very human industry after all. This paragraph is the end of my negativity, it is a expression of some of the things that have played on my mind in recent times, and with this admission, they are gone. This blog is returning to my experiences, my lessons, my journey and a celebration of why I am here and what is great about the industry.

I intend to stick firmly within the territory of what is great about my experiences and why I continue, despite some truly negative elements, to be an active client of escorts and seek out the richness of experience that this industry and this journey has to offer.

Thank you for your readership. Next articles will include some booking experiences, some guest experiences – more celebration and just the hint of wrestling with issues and emotions as I navigate my own path as a client. The experiential benefits are just far too rich and rewarding to get caught up in negativity for more than a brief moment.

Xx SP 20 June 2017.

Siege Mentality

Why do sex workers and sex work clients act defensively?

What happens when we share a sense of victimization?

Society doesn’t like sex work. It doesn’t like sex workers, it doesn’t like sex work clients, and it doesn’t like the defenders of sex work! There is a perpetual human history of trying to shut down the world’s oldest profession, yet it never has, this is an industry, profession and human need that will never go away.

This means that ‘sex work’ and all of its participants and advocates have always, and probably always will, be under siege by the mainstream views, or at least the publicly stated views, of the bulk of society. This article isn’t about changing that, although I wish we could, it is about what happens to people under siege – what is happening to us?

ViewFromInside

What is siege mentality?

Siege mentality is a shared feeling of victimization and defensiveness in the face of the negative intentions of the rest of the world. Although a group phenomenon, the term describes both the emotions and thoughts of the group as a whole, and individuals being overly fearful of surrounding peoples, and an intractably defensive attitude (thanks Wikipedia).

Is the sex industry under siege? Of course it is, it always has been. Who is under siege? Escorts and sex workers most of all. Although the clients of sex workers, the defenders of sex work, and anyone who advocates for sex work, to a lesser degree, they are all under siege too. Anyone who sees sex work as work, as a valid and socially helpful industry and sees sex and intimate human interactions as being locked in some anachronistic dark ages – well all of those people are under siege. I am under siege writing this blog, having a secret life as a client of escorts, and having to be hidden from the world. If you are reading this, you are most likely under siege too!

Escorts under siege.

If you have read sociological articles or group psychology articles on this topic, I would love for you to point me in their direction. I have struggled to find much on the topic. What is true about a group under siege, is that normally there will be group social conformity, and lack of trust, and a preparedness to assume the worst in other groups (the enemy).

This is no doubt a topic better explored by others, if it hasn’t been already, and it is also a reality, not something that should necessarily (or can) be changed. As a ‘client blog’ however, I would like to take a short look at what it means for clients of escorts. In some circles, this is a symbiotic relationship, a partnership where the better participants make the industry work, and try to get along despite obvious differences. In other circles, clients are part of the enemy, even seen as worse than ‘non-participants’ by some people.

I can’t think of many industries, and this is still an industry, where the customer is so poorly regarded. The only ones that come to mind are other ‘industries’ that face siege mentality with the general public, and they include mental health, illicit drugs, police and the military. These service groups, also have strong threads of ‘customer hatred and dislike’ within their industry dynamic. Police often dislike their customers, as do drug dealers, soldiers and mental health workers. Not all of them, but enough to create a mini-war within the broader sociology of these group dynamics. There are some escorts who hate clients more than they hate the parts of society that want the whole sex work industry shut down.

What does this mean?

In a siege scenario, the escort group are always (and rightly) going to defend and support their socially cohesive colleagues, who are under the same public siege too. This makes sense, and certainly no one can know what it is like, what support is needed and help in more practical and emotional ways than fellow sex workers. There is however a choice as to whether other sex industry participants, primarily clients, are at the next level of industry cohesion and support, no better or worse than the hating public, or the worst of all – a necessary evil to be despised and used. This choice, like the framing of every group perception, depends on who is defined within the group(s), and how the groups are perceived.

Defining the client group.

There is a group of non-clients. Men and boys, who are either intrigued by sex workers and undertake unsavory activities such as online abuse, forum participation without experience, trolling, time-wasting, posting offensive material, insulting sex workers, faking bookings, absolute time wasting, robbery, and other versions of ‘getting their kick’ from the abuse and baiting of sex workers. In some circles, especially online examples where this behaviour is named and shamed, these disgraceful people are called clients. If they are called clients, then these disgraceful acts become seen as part of ‘client behaviour’. Something that colours the overall view of real clients who actually make bookings and fund the industry and behave appropriately.

The equivalent would be calling the scum-bags who steal real escort photos, set-up fake sites, and then try to rip-off clients or other escorts – sex workers. They are not sex workers, they are thieves. The group I have detailed above are not clients, they should also be seen as ‘industry abusers’, not as industry participants. They are out to harm the industry, not to support it. Clients by definition support an industry. The inclusion of these acts, under the description of client acts, leads to a mistaken perception around the customers of the industry. It also makes the ‘stereotypical client’ a bad stereotype.

Real clients

Real clients pay sex workers for their service and act within the rules of the provider and the industry. Of course even in the ‘real client’ group, there are bad clients, average clients and better clients. There are people with mental health, physical health, weight, cleanliness, self-respect, and other social issues. There are nice people and not nice people. There are clingy clients and aloof ones. There are wealthy and poor, nervous and arrogant, interesting and boring, lovely and awful.

This is the same for escorts, although the divisions will be different – there will be more quality escorts than quality clients. Why, because the industry, the money that funds the ‘gap in personal difference’ makes it that way. An average client, spends time with a wonderful escort, because the market and the money bridges the gap. Any other view is naive. So every provider and client experience will be different. There will be more ‘lower to average’ clients than ‘lower to average’ escorts, but that doesn’t mean that clients are bad by definition, or that clients should be hated within the industry as much or more than they are hated outside of the industry. We are all hated by society at large.

Are escorts and clients under-siege together or apart?

I feel under siege from society, as I have mentioned in this blog, I can’t talk to most people in the ‘muggle’ world about my experiences as a client of the sex industry. It is a secret world. Most clients I have met, and that isn’t many, feel the same way. There is some ‘client siege behaviours’ in forums and groups, but for the most part, they want connection with their service providers, their escorts – that is the little emotional part of the whole Girlfriend Experience (GFE). Clients are generally not participants in the industry to make connections with other clients, they are here for the escorts.

It is disappointing to me, and I imagine most clients, when it seems like there is an ‘undeclared war’ inside the industry. That outside of the booking, ranks are closed, clients are hated, and secret conversations about the enemy are common place. I have been called naive many, many times. In what may also be another naive opinion, I believe we are under siege together. We are not the same, the issues and problems are not the same, and escorts need their safe spaces, channels and independence from clients. Once that escort support is taken care of however, surely we (quality escorts and respectful clients) are better as partners in this siege. It will probably last forever, it has so far, and we are all hated, at least in public statements, by the rest of the world.

Mutual respect and support would be a nice baseline for everyone who is playing by the rules and has respect and fairness in their hearts. I just made a big sigh as I wrote that sentence, because to be honest, right now I am steeling myself for more hatred. The hatred isn’t coming from outside of the industry, it is coming from parts of the industry. I hope that I am wrong, if I’m not, I will gladly leave. If you believe what I have written in this blog, in this website, then you know I value the industry and respect all of the participants.

Thank you as always for your readership. Thoughtful comment and feedback is most appreciated.

Xx SP 14 June 2017.

Why This Blog?

Percival Blakeney on the reasons for writing articles.

Why write client-side articles on escort experiences?

This article marked my thirtieth (yes 30th) article since launching this blog. It is always a good time for asking myself … why am I doing this? Why does an anonymous and shy client of sex-workers, feel compelled to write experiential and topical articles on client-escort relations, a secret journey and issues connected with being a client of escorts?

That is of course a very good question, and there must be something different about me, because this sort of blog is very uncommon. I am going to try and tell you (and tell myself) why I am doing this, and also perhaps just as importantly, mention the things that are NOT motivations for this blog and its articles.

WindowParty

Why did I launch this blog?

The simplest and truest reason, is that I can’t talk to anyone! At the time I started this blog, I had been seeing escorts for more than a year, this exciting and secret world, that delivered me so much joy, had no conversational outlet. I couldn’t tell any family, any friends, anyone at all, other than very sanitized and private versions to the escorts that I was seeing. As great as it is to talk to escorts, our mutual role as ‘Secret Keepers’ (see separate article), meant that the boundaries of respect and privacy severely limit the nature of that conversation. It is fine to discuss the industry at large, some of our personal feelings and experiences and how our lives are playing out, it is not a territory for deeper and sometimes darker exploration of this now significant and important part of my life.

Yes, there are forums, there are other ‘get-together’ events and opportunities, and there are fellow travelers on this road. For the reasons you will hear in this article, most of those avenues don’t suit me particularly well. I’m not interested in ‘reviewing’ escorts for others, I am not interested in ‘dirty laundry’, I am not interested in a ‘position of influence’ in the industry or with other punters, and I am not interested in the majority of social events when I could be in a booking with one of the escorts that I adore. I do however need an intellectual release for what is becoming a major part of my life, and I do need to talk about my feelings, my experiences and my thoughts.

Motivations for writing.

I have written professionally before, but I don’t get to do the ‘writing leg-work’ anymore for other parts of my life. I have had aspirations of a fictional novel one day (nothing to do with sex-work). I find that I think and personally explore topics and issues better, when I write about them, edit my thoughts, re-read and adjust them, and let them bounce around in my head. It isn’t quite the same as a great conversation in many ways, but in others ways it can also be better. If it wasn’t published, as in a private diary, I would loose the driver to think carefully, analyse the thoughts, and think about how others may view my experiences and thinking. I also hoped to get just enough attention and support, that others would tell me what they thought, what they had experienced, and help me navigate my own way through these topics and experiences.

Motivations against writing.

I am no expert on these topics! I have had many bookings with a now significant number of escorts, and all I keep discovering is that I know nothing. So I am highly concerned whenever someone places me in position that I do not deserve, and I am not qualified to hold. I am not a subject matter expert, I am not someone that should be considered aspirational or inspirational, and I am not doing this to have any influence on the industry, on its participants, or even on my most devoted readers and contacts – this is a self-centered endeavour of personal discovery and exploration. As well as a relief valve for talking out into the void, out into the Internet, when there is no one else in my life that can fill that role of listener to my client world experiences.

I am also different when I’m thinking. I’m a bit darker, a bit more confused, a bit more serious and possibly a bit less connected. I am less fun online than I am in person. My biggest concern, is that the people I like and have met in this industry, won’t like or appreciate this side of me, this blog, and the waves it makes. I am worried because I have already created collateral damage, where these people who are important to me, reject the real me, because of the writer me. This has already happened and it is causing me a great deal of emotional turmoil. I have had escorts I have met and that seemed to like or tolerate the ‘real me’, tell me they can’t see me anymore and block me on Twitter. I can also see some other escorts, who still see me, are also concerned about this blog, and it has impacted our personal connection in a negative way. There are lots of well-meaning and reasonable escorts who don’t want client voices online – even the respectful, thoughtful and industry-supporting ones. More than any other reason, this is the one reason that often makes me think of deleting this blog and killing the associated Twitter account.

Other consequences of writing.

When initially published, this was my thirtieth article, I am not sure how many I have left in me, so the longevity and ultimate continuation of this exercise is a ‘big, open, question’. The tally is now 38-articles, and the pace has already slowed a little. I have also made more contact with other travelers (punters if we must use that word), and as long as this is about positive support, I am all for it, I am not however interested in private stories or diminishing any escort or other industry participants. I would however like to tell some of their stories, if the chance presents itself. Similarly I am interested in telling the stories of other clients and escorts, and other people’s stories where they are as general, confidential, non-threatening and supporting as I try to be with the rest of the content on this blog. The first ‘Interview With an Escort’ was published in June. That is all just a ‘writers interest’ at this stage, and I imagine the practicalities will probably stop most of that from happening.

I also get attacked. Not physically, but in the ‘back-blocks’ of social media. I don’t really know why? Maybe the difference of this blog is threatening or confusing to some who don’t know me and even some who do. Maybe I am a soft target for angst at clients in general or some other ‘hurtful demon’ that is plaguing the people who troll others online. Maybe I am a pariah after all, that is worthy of attack and living in some delusion that I am harmless. This seems to be an increasing issue. Recently it seems other industry sites are withdrawing from publishing client perspective content. Although I appreciate the place and rationale for Punter Planet, it just doesn’t fit with me. Since there really is very little other client perspective material, other than 140-character Twitter posts, I am worried that I am ‘out-on-a-limb’ and at severe risk of attracting the wrong attention and being ‘chopped-down’. I get that sort of ‘threat’ on a daily basis.

This is becoming serious, in the weeks since I started, the threats have become significant and sustained. Certainly it is nothing compared to what many escorts face day in and day out. Those threats alone are not going to make me stop. However if I knew that I was actually doing any harm, putting any escort at risk, or doing any damage to an industry that has been kind to me, then I would shut this blog down in a heartbeat. In fact I came very close yesterday (the day before this article redraft) when escorts I admire questioned this blog and my motivation. Worse still, people I have met in person blocked me. Worst of all, people I truly adore are clearly backing away from my account and staying quiet with their contact. I am feeling very isolated and that is the opposite of my desire to learn and to share. If this progresses, I won’t be able to just stop writing, I will have to stop being a client as well – as clearly once ‘blacklisted’, the journey is effectively over.

What is next?

I had intended to publish some more articles soon. I had some offers of guest articles as well, but now that there has been a lot of online debate, no one wants to take the risk of being the center of unwanted attention. I am also working back through the initial ones to give them a slight update, and ironically this piece was next on the list.

Now that the voices for stopping seem to be growing louder than the ones for continuing, I think it is inevitable that I will be forced to stop writing. I feel like a ‘small, needy, sad person’, effectively calling for support, but without some clear feedback from people who want to read these articles, I am afraid the industry has effectively spoken and client comment will stay within Punter Planet as the only surviving Australian channel. I however will be silent and I will be gone, to applause in many places I’m sure.

I hope that this, the redrafting of my thirtieth article, has given you a background on why these pieces were put here. If you were concerned, or remain concerned, hopefully you have some comfort that you are not at risk because of this blog. If you thought I had some crazy industry aspiration, then hopefully you can also see that is the furthest thing from my mind. I am a secretive, issue-ridden, confused and often over-thinking client who happens to have found joy in the company of the great escorts of Australia. This is where I come to explore the client-side of seeing escorts and without some support, the journey is rapidly coming close to its end.

Thank you for you readership. Please as always, feel free to share, comment here or on Twitter – your views and feedback are always welcome whether they are in agreement or disagreement, these topics are normally entirely the result of a spectrum of viewpoints I experience online and a level of personal confusion for me as a client of this industry. I hope that I have added some value along the way.

Xx SP 13 May 2017 (article updated 13 June 2017).

Chasing Unicorns

A humorous perspective on the client pursuit of escorts.

Certified Unicorns!

Please don’t take this blog article too seriously! This is my (most likely poor) attempt at a bit of levity, in between some rather issue-heavy blog articles of late.

This article is also a change in style. It needs you to do a little bit of back-ground homework for context. If you haven’t seen this already, please watch the 5-minute YouTube video … “The Universal Hot vs Crazy Matrix – a Man’s Guide to Women”. By the way, don’t blame me, it was a lovely escort that introduced me to this video – plus the video is by a lawyer, so you know it must be true!

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The Escort Fantasy.

So you have seen our YouTube Lawyer’s ‘Hot versus Crazy’ zones? If not, you really do need to watch the video first. I think, when it comes to clients booking escorts, the ‘No Go Zone’ does not apply. To a client, every escort selected for a booking is ‘HOT’. The client (alright, once again it is just me speaking), is looking to experience something outside of the normal, someone who in their eyes is an example of the client (yes, me) ‘punching above their weight’. You know, an 8-out-of-10 and above.

So as far as the ‘escort’ version of the ‘universal hot versus crazy matrix’, there are only four categories that really apply. The ‘danger zone’ for ‘crazy escorts’, the ‘date zone’ for ‘less-crazy escorts’, the ‘wife zone’, which is more realistically the ‘I wish they were my wife zone’. Then of course the fabled ‘Unicorn Zone’, which as our learned and unattractive YouTube Lawyer explains, does not actually exist.

Playing with this ridiculous model.

Remember this is firmly ‘tongue-in-cheek’. Please don’t destroy me in my first attempt at a light-hearted blog article. There are clearly crazy clients, and the reality is that there are crazy escorts too – even if this is just ‘craziness’ in the sense of being incompatible. It is hard to ‘spot crazy’ before a booking, so this can be something to be discovered. I haven’t been into the ‘Danger Zone’ (Top-Gun film soundtrack playing in my head – good to listen to while reading this article) on many occasions, but I have seen my share of crazy. Let’s just say best not discussed publicly and of course best avoided – run away fast.

The ‘slightly-crazy’ and ‘super-hot’, now that can be a fun place to play for a while. There is some ‘stuff that goes down’ in that territory that we should all get to experience – in relatively small and safe doses. We all feel a bit like experiencing our crazier-selves at times and being with an escort, that is to us edgy, a little dangerous, stretches our boundaries, well that is a worthy place to play. Our YouTube narrator (geeky Lawyer) calls this the ‘date zone’, in the client-escort world, I think it is more accurately the ‘booking-experiment’ or ‘escort-fun’ zone. No I’m not about to make my own chart (yet)!

When it just clicks!

I am resisting the urge to get serious and talk more about ‘Loving an Escort’ or ‘Making it Regular’. I am determined to stay factitious and light-hearted. When the ‘client-escort’ connection is strong, personalities click and the dynamic is smooth and natural, it is easy to think … “in some alternate universe, I would love a real relationship with this person”. That type of escort, in this crazy model, would fall within the wife zone. Or as I said before, more accurately within the ‘I wish this was my wife’ zone. Alright, for those of you getting angry about this ‘wife’ terminology, someone that the client would desire to be a larger part of their life – the connection is strong and so is the attraction. In the client’s view – this escort is not crazy at all and they are oh-so-achingly hot!

Unicorns live here!

In the final tiny category, almost unique to the escorting world alone, unicorns do exist! I have seen them in the wild, I have seen them at play, I have had the amazing good fortune to have spent small and magical moments of time in their presence. I have met a small but precious number of unicorns. I am keeping their identities and locations secret, as at every opportunity I hope to study them further and let their magic further enrich my life. Seriously, I am not sharing Unicorns with you – I want them!

I know this was a silly article, after all it was based on a very questionable video. That silly video now has ‘Certified Unicorn’ merchandise and possibly a forthcoming movie deal. It may be responsible for stopping a lawyer from practicing law – so that isn’t all bad is it? If you thought this blog article was cute, if you know me, and if you already know that I think that you are a ‘Certified Unicorn’, let me know – I may just get you the T-Shirt to prove it. You know who you are – I drool in your presence!

Please don’t flame me for this article, barely a serious word was spoken apart from this … Unicorns really do exist, I have met a few and that is why I love being a client of escorts. They actually exist more within the escort community than anywhere else.

I hope you enjoyed this change of pace. Thoughts, feedback, comments and sharing is greatly appreciated. I hope you didn’t get too distracted and spend hours on YouTube – that is certainly a trap. Plus listening to the Top-Gun soundtrack will kill brain cells. Thank you as always for your readership.

Xx SP 8 May 2017 (article updated 7 June 2017).

Escorts who do Porn

Client considerations in booking escorts who also do porn.

Is it different seeing escorts who are also porn-stars?

The obvious answer is yes and no. I have been asked a number of times to finish this article, and to be honest, I have have held off writing it because to me it is not a compelling topic. I don’t see any significant difference personally, but I do identify with and understand some of the interest in the conversation.

I also feel that this article is also a good chance to highlight a couple of other semi-related considerations of how clients and sex-workers are presented publicly. It is on representations of clients and escorts that I am going to begin and finish with the topic of escorts who do porn.

BigSpaFun

The difference between physical and behavioural representations.

So let’s take a disconnected event on Twitter as a slightly unusual start to this article. A man, at best at time-waster, at worst a troubled and possibly dangerous pest, private messages an escort with a ‘dick-pic’. This I think we can all agree is a degrading and stupid move, and one that is unfortunately all too common. The escort posts the image and this person’s message publicly on her Twitter in an attempt to shame the man and tell a tale of caution to others.

To a reprobate like that it probably has the opposite effect, giving the loser the attention that he wants. He is just as likely to continue messaging his dick-pics in more attempts to be seen re-posted on escort accounts with over 10,000 followers. Now that this person’s ‘dick-pic’ is ‘out in public’, it receives two key kinds of response as other Twitter accounts (escorts and clients) all ‘weigh-in’ on the topic. The first class are behavioural comments, they criticize the person for the poor behaviour of posting a ‘dick-pic’. The second class of comments are physical, they suggest that the penis is small and the person is poorly endowed and he should be ashamed of showing his inadequacy to women and the public. For the record, his penis was about average size.

I personally do not like calling people out physically for something that is behavioural. Apart from it being a quick ‘race to the drain’ on who is behaving badly, it also sends a signal to a bunch of other people that they are also perverted or poorly behaved for how they look. To have escorts say a normal penis is weird, small, disgusting and evidence of worthlessness – has problems all of its own in the mental self-image of many clients and prospective clients.

This incident wasn’t about his physicality it was about his mentality, but apparently it is fine to treat one piece of poor judgement with any abusive message that we like. His poor behaviour, made the poor behaviour of others acceptable, in the eyes of some of the mob that participate in this type of social media lynching.

What on earth Percie has this got to do with porn-star escorts?

So some people love porn, some people don’t, and many people have a troubled relationship with it – believing it is a dirty little secret that they consume as needed and then tell the world publicly that it is bad. For the purpose of this article, it doesn’t really matter what you think of porn. What matters is that like the guy with the ‘dick-pic’, as this image based content gets circulated online, porn also turns its participants into public property – for the entertainment and comment of anyone with a keyboard.

Instead of looking at ‘mentality’ and behaviour, a large slice of the audience look at ‘physicality’ and feel that it is all of sudden fine to make judgements, make comments on any aspect and effectively de-humanise the subjects – making them an object in the same way as the ‘dick-man’. All of a sudden ridicule, comment on genitals, appearance, sex appeal, stereotypes on cleanliness and poor morals, are all apparently fair-game once the person is in the public eye as a result of their participation in porn (and of course this also happens with escort marketing as well).

So if I have one key point to make, it is that these porn-star escorts get a stereotype applied to them by many people that is grossly unfair. Yes this happens to all escorts, because they are all partly de-humanised by the industry, the internet, and the necessary public marketing representations, but it is worse for porn participants. There are even stigmas applied from each sphere of the sex-work industry upon the other spheres of the industry. This ‘segmentation’, and the interaction and judgements that exist, are all worthy of re-assessment in the minds of us all. We should try, where we can, to treat each person on their merits, not by where they draw their personal line in the sex industy.

Removing stereotypes and dealing with people.

I am no expert at all on escorts that do porn. I have only met four of them in person. When I met the first, I was a little unsure about making a booking and then also about meeting them. I had some stereotypes in my mind.

I thought they would be laughing at me on the inside, as with me they had inferior, boring, vanilla, garden-variety sex with a middle-aged man, who is no better equipped physically than our ‘dick-pic’ man. How could I compare with the fine male specimens that ravish these beautiful women in porn-grade sexual encounters? Would they be bored by an escort booking, compared to the ‘perceived’ glamour of producing porn? Would they expect me to perform like a porn-star? This along-side many other similar insecurities made me consider not proceeding. Maybe this effect and these ignorant and unfounded concerns still impact new and inexperienced clients and turn them away. While I am sure there is another type of client that is highly attracted to the idea of booking a porn-star.

Of course my more experienced friends and readers, it is now your turn to be laughing at me. You know many escorts in porn do it as a side-line. In Australia they don’t earn enormous sums of money. It is hard work, inelegant, artificial and not really that much fun to make in many instances. Some unscrupulous porn producers also take advantage of Escorts trying to build their profile. It is also not representative of the full range of sex that these same escorts enjoy – it is, even when fun to make – for the most part fake! I’m sure that comes as no surprise, so why do so many men feel that porn represents real sexual performance expectations?

My view on the difference.

So now that I have met some escorts that have made porn, I don’t think there is any difference (other than the porn exposure) between them and escorts who choose not to make porn. They are completely different, individual and for the most part amazing people, just like the majority of other escorts that I have met. If there is any difference, it is that they have another level of ‘dick-pic’ type guys to deal with – they are subject to some pretty poor behaviours and probably some unfair expectations from their escort bookings. In some cases, they are also subject to unfair thinking by non-porn escorts, clients and some of the social media and forum channels. It takes a pretty strong person to be an escort, and you have to add a bit more strength to add porn into that mix as well.

I don’t think there is any difference between escorts that do porn and those that don’t, unfortunately I am not the only person out there and an awful lot of people do see a difference and buy into ridiculous stereotypes. Meet people in person, they are guaranteed to change your mind!

Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment, share, re-post on Twitter and send me requests for future articles. Coming up in June, some guest articles from other authors, interview with an escort (or two), and interview with another client.

Xx SP 28 April 2017 (article updated 3 June 2017).

Client Voices

Clients of the sex-work industry should be silent?

Who can talk about sex-work experiences?

This website is an unusual blog. It is the thoughts of one person, a relatively inexperienced client of primarily independent female escorts. The rambling thoughts, but still theĀ voice of a sole client from the privileged fringe of the sex-work industry.

I remain thrilled and amazed when someone comments, likes or reads my articles. I don’t expect anyone to pay them much attention, but I do have a view when people, mainly a small number of incensed escorts, suggest that I should just shut-the-hell-up!

Who gets to speak at the table?

I see escorts for enjoyment, I guess that makes it a hobby. Some of the escorts I see are full-time, so I guess that makes them professionals. It is their career on the line when they talk, for me it is just an interest.

I have become, after hard work from humble beginnings, a wealthy, entitled, spoilt, lucky and largely protected middle-aged heterosexual white-guy, in a very lucky country. Escorts are by the definition and impact of societies opinions and stigmas disadvantaged.

Many sex-workers are also disadvantaged by other societal constructions around gender, age, work and in some cases race, mental health and other disgracefully applied stereotypes. I am in a privileged position, most escorts are by comparison in a far less privileged position – it’s not a ‘level playing field’ as they would say if this was a comparison within business circles.

So I should ‘drop dead’, as I was so eloquently instructed by an escort via a Twitter PM just before I first wrote this article. I’m pretty sure that meant that I should silently buy that person’s services and never say anything, to anybody, about anything, ever! Clients should be seen and not heard?

So isn’t it good to hear a client perspective?

Apparently not, if a small and bitter group of escort voices are the social media and blog police. Even if I am aware and respectful of the dynamics I described above, I am apparently not welcome at the conversation table and certainly not, under any circumstances, allowed to speak about sex-work. The catch-cry is that “only sex-workers can speak about sex-work!

On one level I get the point, there are certainly aspects that only sex-workers can speak about with expertise, but do we suggest that only police can talk about police-work? Can only politicians talk about politics? You get the point, every group, individual, interest, participant and worker all have a voice and in a democracy they should all be able to be heard.

In this blog, I am not speaking for clients, I am certainly not speaking for sex-workers, I am only speaking for me. This is a beneficial part of my experience and for the moment an important personal outlet. It is open to anyone who wants to read it, agree, disagree, comment or respond. It is nothing significant in the scheme of things, but it has every right to be part of the dialogue, just as everyone else’s voice does too.

So why are almost all clients and most escorts silent?

There are very few social media active clients. The limited number who are participants in the public dialogue feel very limited in what they can say, and in most cases are reduced to banal sycophantic fan-boy content – re-posting, liking and generalised support.

Those that are more vocal either have very thick skin, have developed a wit and banter that allows them to survive, or are widely disliked around the industry. There are no real free voices. Maybe this is a good thing, but if so, why are most of the independent escorts quiet as well?

Censorship and peer pressure?

If you ignore social media that is only for basic escort marketing, peer support and notifications, then the majority of independent escorts are silent in public communication channels. Again not necessarily a bad thing, it’s more work for them to spend time in these channels after all, but what happens to those escorts that actually enjoy social media and stating their opinion and discussing experiences?

This more outspoken group are in decline. Compared to two years ago, or a year ago, most active accounts are less active, post less and are more generic in the content that they publish. Those that are still ‘keeping it real’ with individual content and ‘god-forbid’ opinion, are often forced into defensive stances and other behaviours that are akin to being ‘under siege’. Who are they under siege from? It is certainly not the general public in this case.

The level of industry self-censorship is disconcertingly high and seems to be getting worse. I am going to end this train of thought here for your consideration – it is a matter of course for each participant, escort or client, individually to determine their own position. It is enough for me to say that I am staying, I hopefully won’t be ‘dropping dead’ anytime soon. With respect and admiration, I am going to continue to say what I think as it relates to my individual journey.

Thanks for your readership, thanks for sticking with me. I would love to continue to hear your views and comments. Thanks also to Jeff, Ad, Peter, BB and Bella who commented on the first version of this article.

Xx SP 5 April 2017 (article updated 21 May 2017).