Chasing Unicorns

A humorous perspective on the client pursuit of escorts.

Certified Unicorns!

Please don’t take this blog article too seriously! This is my (most likely poor) attempt at a bit of levity, in between some rather issue-heavy blog articles of late.

This article is also a change in style. It needs you to do a little bit of back-ground homework for context. If you haven’t seen this already, please watch the 5-minute YouTube video …“The Universal Hot vs Crazy Matrix – a Man’s Guide to Women”. By the way, don’t blame me, it was a lovely escort that introduced me to this video – plus the video is by a lawyer, so you know it must be true!

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The Escort Fantasy.

So you have seen our YouTube Lawyer’s ‘Hot versus Crazy’ zones? If not, you really do need to watch the video first. I think, when it comes to clients booking escorts, the ‘No Go Zone’ does not apply. To a client, every escort selected for a booking is ‘HOT’. The client (alright, once again it is just me speaking), is looking to experience something outside of the normal, someone who in their eyes is an example of the client (yes, me) ‘punching above their weight’. You know, an 8-out-of-10 and above.

So as far as the ‘escort’ version of the ‘universal hot versus crazy matrix’, there are only four categories that really apply. The ‘danger zone’ for ‘crazy escorts’, the ‘date zone’ for ‘less-crazy escorts’, the ‘wife zone’, which is more realistically the ‘I wish they were my wife zone’. Then of course the fabled ‘Unicorn Zone’, which as our learned and unattractive YouTube Lawyer explains, does not actually exist.

Playing with this ridiculous model.

Remember this is firmly ‘tongue-in-cheek’. Please don’t destroy me in my first attempt at a light-hearted blog article. There are clearly crazy clients, and the reality is that there are crazy escorts too – even if this is just ‘craziness’ in the sense of being incompatible. It is hard to ‘spot crazy’ before a booking, so this can be something to be discovered. I haven’t been into the ‘Danger Zone’ (Top-Gun film soundtrack playing in my head – good to listen to while reading this article) on many occasions, but I have seen my share of crazy. Let’s just say best not discussed publicly and of course best avoided – run away fast.

The ‘slightly-crazy’ and ‘super-hot’, now that can be a fun place to play for a while. There is some ‘stuff that goes down’ in that territory that we should all get to experience – in relatively small and safe doses. We all feel a bit like experiencing our crazier-selves at times and being with an escort, that is to us edgy, a little dangerous, stretches our boundaries, well that is a worthy place to play. Our YouTube narrator (geeky Lawyer) calls this the ‘date zone’, in the client-escort world, I think it is more accurately the ‘booking-experiment’ or ‘escort-fun’ zone. No I’m not about to make my own chart (yet)!

When it just clicks!

I am resisting the urge to get serious and talk more about ‘Loving an Escort’ or ‘Making it Regular’. I am determined to stay factitious and light-hearted. When the ‘client-escort’ connection is strong, personalities click and the dynamic is smooth and natural, it is easy to think … “in some alternate universe, I would love a real relationship with this person”. That type of escort, in this crazy model, would fall within the wife zone. Or as I said before, more accurately within the ‘I wish this was my wife’ zone. Alright, for those of you getting angry about this ‘wife’ terminology, someone that the client would desire to be a larger part of their life – the connection is strong and so is the attraction. In the client’s view – this escort is not crazy at all and they are oh-so-achingly hot!

Unicorns live here!

In the final tiny category, almost unique to the escorting world alone, unicorns do exist! I have seen them in the wild, I have seen them at play, I have had the amazing good fortune to have spent small and magical moments of time in their presence. I have met a small but precious number of unicorns. I am keeping their identities and locations secret, as at every opportunity I hope to study them further and let their magic further enrich my life. Seriously, I am not sharing Unicorns with you – I want them!

I know this was a silly article, after all it was based on a very questionable video. That silly video now has ‘Certified Unicorn’ merchandise and possibly a forthcoming movie deal. It may be responsible for stopping a lawyer from practicing law – so that isn’t all bad is it? If you thought this blog article was cute, if you know me, and if you already know that I think that you are a ‘Certified Unicorn’, let me know – I may just get you the T-Shirt to prove it. You know who you are – I drool in your presence!

Please don’t flame me for this article, barely a serious word was spoken apart from this … Unicorns really do exist, I have met a few and that is why I love being a client of escorts. They actually exist more within the escort community than anywhere else.

I hope you enjoyed this change of pace. Thoughts, feedback, comments and sharing is greatly appreciated. I hope you didn’t get too distracted and spend hours on YouTube – that is certainly a trap. Plus listening to the Top-Gun soundtrack will kill brain cells. Thank you as always for your readership.

Xx SP 8 May 2017 (article updated 7 June 2017).

Escorts who do Porn

Client considerations in booking escorts who also do porn.

Is it different seeing escorts who are also porn-stars?

The obvious answer is yes and no. I have been asked a number of times to finish this article, and to be honest, I have have held off writing it because to me it is not a compelling topic. I don’t see any significant difference personally, but I do identify with and understand some of the interest in the conversation.

I also feel that this article is also a good chance to highlight a couple of other semi-related considerations of how clients and sex-workers are presented publicly. It is on representations of clients and escorts that I am going to begin and finish with the topic of escorts who do porn.

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The difference between physical and behavioural representations.

So let’s take a disconnected event on Twitter as a slightly unusual start to this article. A man, at best at time-waster, at worst a troubled and possibly dangerous pest, private messages an escort with a ‘dick-pic’. This I think we can all agree is a degrading and stupid move, and one that is unfortunately all too common. The escort posts the image and this person’s message publicly on her Twitter in an attempt to shame the man and tell a tale of caution to others.

To a reprobate like that it probably has the opposite effect, giving the loser the attention that he wants. He is just as likely to continue messaging his dick-pics in more attempts to be seen re-posted on escort accounts with over 10,000 followers. Now that this person’s ‘dick-pic’ is ‘out in public’, it receives two key kinds of response as other Twitter accounts (escorts and clients) all ‘weigh-in’ on the topic. The first class are behavioural comments, they criticize the person for the poor behaviour of posting a ‘dick-pic’. The second class of comments are physical, they suggest that the penis is small and the person is poorly endowed and he should be ashamed of showing his inadequacy to women and the public. For the record, his penis was about average size.

I personally do not like calling people out physically for something that is behavioural. Apart from it being a quick ‘race to the drain’ on who is behaving badly, it also sends a signal to a bunch of other people that they are also perverted or poorly behaved for how they look. To have escorts say a normal penis is weird, small, disgusting and evidence of worthlessness – has problems all of its own in the mental self-image of many clients and prospective clients.

This incident wasn’t about his physicality it was about his mentality, but apparently it is fine to treat one piece of poor judgement with any abusive message that we like. His poor behaviour, made the poor behaviour of others acceptable, in the eyes of some of the mob that participate in this type of social media lynching.

What on earth Percie has this got to do with porn-star escorts?

So some people love porn, some people don’t, and many people have a troubled relationship with it – believing it is a dirty little secret that they consume as needed and then tell the world publicly that it is bad. For the purpose of this article, it doesn’t really matter what you think of porn. What matters is that like the guy with the ‘dick-pic’, as this image based content gets circulated online, porn also turns its participants into public property – for the entertainment and comment of anyone with a keyboard.

Instead of looking at ‘mentality’ and behaviour, a large slice of the audience look at ‘physicality’ and feel that it is all of sudden fine to make judgements, make comments on any aspect and effectively de-humanise the subjects – making them an object in the same way as the ‘dick-man’. All of a sudden ridicule, comment on genitals, appearance, sex appeal, stereotypes on cleanliness and poor morals, are all apparently fair-game once the person is in the public eye as a result of their participation in porn (and of course this also happens with escort marketing as well).

So if I have one key point to make, it is that these porn-star escorts get a stereotype applied to them by many people that is grossly unfair. Yes this happens to all escorts, because they are all partly de-humanised by the industry, the internet, and the necessary public marketing representations, but it is worse for porn participants. There are even stigmas applied from each sphere of the sex-work industry upon the other spheres of the industry. This ‘segmentation’, and the interaction and judgements that exist, are all worthy of re-assessment in the minds of us all. We should try, where we can, to treat each person on their merits, not by where they draw their personal line in the sex industy.

Removing stereotypes and dealing with people.

I am no expert at all on escorts that do porn. I have only met four of them in person. When I met the first, I was a little unsure about making a booking and then also about meeting them. I had some stereotypes in my mind.

I thought they would be laughing at me on the inside, as with me they had inferior, boring, vanilla, garden-variety sex with a middle-aged man, who is no better equipped physically than our ‘dick-pic’ man. How could I compare with the fine male specimens that ravish these beautiful women in porn-grade sexual encounters? Would they be bored by an escort booking, compared to the ‘perceived’ glamour of producing porn? Would they expect me to perform like a porn-star? This along-side many other similar insecurities made me consider not proceeding. Maybe this effect and these ignorant and unfounded concerns still impact new and inexperienced clients and turn them away. While I am sure there is another type of client that is highly attracted to the idea of booking a porn-star.

Of course my more experienced friends and readers, it is now your turn to be laughing at me. You know many escorts in porn do it as a side-line. In Australia they don’t earn enormous sums of money. It is hard work, inelegant, artificial and not really that much fun to make in many instances. Some unscrupulous porn producers also take advantage of Escorts trying to build their profile. It is also not representative of the full range of sex that these same escorts enjoy – it is, even when fun to make – for the most part fake! I’m sure that comes as no surprise, so why do so many men feel that porn represents real sexual performance expectations?

My view on the difference.

So now that I have met some escorts that have made porn, I don’t think there is any difference (other than the porn exposure) between them and escorts who choose not to make porn. They are completely different, individual and for the most part amazing people, just like the majority of other escorts that I have met. If there is any difference, it is that they have another level of ‘dick-pic’ type guys to deal with – they are subject to some pretty poor behaviours and probably some unfair expectations from their escort bookings. In some cases, they are also subject to unfair thinking by non-porn escorts, clients and some of the social media and forum channels. It takes a pretty strong person to be an escort, and you have to add a bit more strength to add porn into that mix as well.

I don’t think there is any difference between escorts that do porn and those that don’t, unfortunately I am not the only person out there and an awful lot of people do see a difference and buy into ridiculous stereotypes. Meet people in person, they are guaranteed to change your mind!

Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment, share, re-post on Twitter and send me requests for future articles. Coming up in June, some guest articles from other authors, interview with an escort (or two), and interview with another client.

Xx SP 28 April 2017 (article updated 3 June 2017).