Why Am I A Target?

Some personal thoughts on why I attract hatred.

It has been a challenging year, this annus horribilis of mine! I know many people struggle with far more than I have, perhaps you are in a dark place too, but we all have our own journey. For me, 2017 has been the worst year that I can remember.

Perhaps that is the real reason some people react to my writing and my Social Media with unbridled hatred. Seeing a privileged, pretentious and entitled middle-aged man, who thinks that his struggles are of significance. Of course, seeing someone who looks like they have ‘almost everything’, complaining about things, is a magnet for feelings of anger. Hell, I would hate me too … except that I am me!

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So Why Is 2017 A Bad Year For Percie?

Like most of us, I have certain perceptions of myself. This year has shaken them all, with the possible exception of my health. So yes, this year could still get far worse. Without going into great detail, at the beginning of 2017, I thought I was a good parent, a good business manager, a good friend, and fun to be around. On the negatives, my perception of being a good husband was already ‘in the toilet’, but I felt I was still a good family provider. In place of that, and relatively new to my self-perception, I felt that I was a good client of the Escorts that I was seeing, at least those that I had an on-going connection with. As I have said before in this blog, 2016 was the best year of my life by a country mile!

At the start of 2017, my business lost our biggest client, one that accounted for a quarter of our income. I had to fire some staff, close an office, and the rest of the year has amounted to a difficult rebuilding of a crippled business.  That has taken a heavy personal toll on me, and broken my arrogant self-perception. I don’t feel like a good business manager any more. I feel like an imposter who is out of his depth.

Then one of my wonderful Daughters tried to take her own life. I raced back from inter-state in a trance, my world had collapsed. At first it was just emergency stations, being strong and focused, so that everything could be directed at her health and safety. Slowly, over the balance of this year, we have become accustomed to this ‘new normal’, a house that is working around a profoundly depressed teen, and the collateral damage that causes for her sisters and the broader family. She is still here, an everyday battle, but we have had some victories and seen some progress. It is now, that the ’emergency’ seems to be passing, that I have realised how drained and low I am. The tank is running on empty.

This has made me question myself. I am not a good Father, otherwise how could this happen? I am not good at my profession. As a result I am not a good provider, husband or partner. All of my ‘personal image’, these false pillars that I perched myself upon, had crumbled. I knew I wasn’t a faithful or successful husband, seeking intimacy, physical connection and a last-gasp of youthfulness in secret, with Escorts. I knew my long monogamous relationship was coming to an end, and now even that painful but needed transition seemed a long way off. I needed to hang in there, be strong, and as much as I could, subsume my personal intimate desires for a while. I came very close to ending my year-long journey as a client of Escorts. But I am weak, and was not able to say goodbye to companions that I had come to love. My weakness became just another reason for starting to hate myself.

Enter Percie Blakeney!

The one thing that seemed to be ‘going well’, at the start of 2017, was my journey as a client of Escorts. Sure, in my first year I had made mistakes, they are documented throughout this blog. Silly, naive, social media posts, offering concert tickets publicly, and other minor mistakes made by an inexperienced (but public) client, and a man who hadn’t ‘dated’ in two-decades or had any level of sexual intimacy in almost half that time.

So what did I do? I directed some energy, almost as a personal release and self-therapy to writing a blog about the part of my life where I felt happy, comfortable and was free from the other dark corners of my life. I re-vamped an old Twitter account, and I started a blog, this blog, in March 2017. Stupid in retrospect, but that is what happened.

Given what was transpiring elsewhere in my life, and also the nature of a ‘self-reflective blog’, the topics covered related to things that challenged me or played on my mind. As a result, the articles reek of overthinking, narcissism, melancholy and a naive view of what can and should exist between client and Escort. All of this is true, part of my own journey and coming to terms with jealousy, love, abandonment, hope, and a full-range of other feelings on an emotional roller-coaster, made even more pronounced by what else was happening in my life.

Some people, especially some other middle-aged travelers (fellow clients) found resonance in these topics. Some Escorts, I feel those who have struggled with feelings for clients themselves, are romantic at heart, or tolerant and understanding about what certain clients feel, also saw some merit in my content. There were, and are, many Escorts and some clients who see a ‘red flag’ and feel intense anger at some of the things that I have written about, or what they have assumed about me as a result.

The Last Pillar Falls.

I felt that I was one of the most mentally strong people that I knew, having weathered a difficult childhood, bullying, and later in life a range of business challenges. Wow, what a delusion. Those lies that we tell ourselves. With my fatherhood, my marriage, my business all in turmoil, being trolled online, attacked by haters, and in some quarters bullied in this space, well that cocktail of 2017 poison got under my skin far more than it should have.

It hurt me more than I thought it would, and I didn’t always react well. With my tone at times becoming snarky, and occasionally engaging in debate with Escorts, showing hints of disappointment and distress, well that is a recipe for receiving more of the same. Show weakness or biting back, either action can bring down the wrath of others with an axe to grind.

Then apparently, in the minds of some, I became the ‘poster guy’ for disrespecting the industry. I thought I was celebrating it. Showing how amazing the providers are, how joyful the experiences are, how strongly emotive it can be and how a sensitive client might be able to navigate these emotionally challenging waters. I thought I was on the same side, supporting sex-work as an enriching and positive part of society. But no! My ‘light-hearted’ experience masquerading as a one-time male-Escort was apparently offensive. The idea that I might write a book, which might say revealing things, that might disrespect someone, well that was apparently offensive as well. Of course no one asked any questions, or read what type of person I was. These people that don’t know me, all assumed the worst, and made ridiculous and unfounded accusations. Not happy to just attack me, they were also happy to turn on anyone that supported me or disagreed with their militant and fun-less ‘take on things’.

Of course being in a weak state to resist this negativity, any sane person would wonder why I continued to blog. I wonder that often myself. I think the answer is because if I ‘gave it up’, it would be my last surrender in a sh^t storm of a year, in every part of my life. Complete surrender. The few people that kept sustaining me, supporting me, encouraging me to be me, stay on Twitter, keep writing and stay in contact, were a salve for my soul. Their positivity and support was stronger than the voices who didn’t know me and just decided I was good fun to kick in the teeth.

I think my blog is the only one by a ‘client of Escorts’ in Australia (I hope that is wrong by the way – but I’m not aware of any others), perhaps it is the only one even further afield. An oddity, by an odd, sad and naive little man. So I guess that makes it an even bigger target for people who don’t like client voices at all. It also made me feel that I if stopped, I wasn’t just giving in to the abuse, but I was letting certain other people down, those who had supported me, and a few loyal readers who seemed to have come to enjoy the conversations. I also enjoyed talking with them, an oasis from my real-life collapse.

My Lowest Point

Then in May 2017, my closest and longest-lasting companion retired suddenly. Of course, in true annus horribilis style that wasn’t all. Another close Escort broke off her connection to me with extremely aggressive verbal abuse. It may have been to end her own journey, making sure none of her closer clients tried to connect with her in post-retirement. Perhaps she just detested me all along. I also mistakenly thought that another adored companion was leaving to take up a full-time ‘patronage’ arrangement.

My three closest companions seeming to vanish at the same time, one retiring, one ‘spoken for’, and the third telling me I was a ‘piece of sh^t’. No, of course that wasn’t enough for a truly bad year! My online troll was at their zenith, another Escort I had met twice was actively disparaging me, someone else was going around the industry telling others that I was the reemergence of some ‘evil blogger’ from 2011. It sounds unbelievable even to me, a writer of fiction wouldn’t have so many story threads running at one time. Just to rub ‘salt-on-the-wound’, another Escort I respected immensely, told me that the trolling was probably ‘all in my mind’. Other close Escort connections from before I started blogging seemed to be ‘distancing themselves’ from me, as a result of the blog and the negative industry attention that I was starting to get. Hell, I would have done the same if I was in their shoes.

I started to fully believe the negative voices: ‘you’re not cut out to be a John’, ‘you shouldn’t be allowed to be a client’, ‘you’re a sad loser’, ‘entitled narcissist’, ‘if I saw you in the street, I would run you over’, ‘I’m going to out you and destroy your career’, and ‘once you stop paying, no one you have ever booked will ever think of you again, or ever make contact – you’ll die a sad, lonely and broke old man’. The last one got to me the most. This clever person had worked out what I thought to myself in the darkest moments. Exactly what someone like me says to themselves, when they are at their darkest ebb.

Even still, I tried to stand strong, keep writing, pretend it wasn’t really getting to me. The problem is my self-belief collapsed under this relentless attack from every direction. Mostly distress at my daughter’s illness, compounded by my business issues, and then my last remaining resolve just ‘bleeding-out’ with these little additional cuts, coming from the darker parts of this industry.

I was in a strange place. I was loosing the ability to make decisions, stick to things and see clearly. I was flip-flopping on a weekly, daily and sometimes hourly basis. Celebrating one day, a cry for help the next. Supporting someone online one minute, and then fishing for support or endorsement the next. I would talk about writing more blogs, then say online that I was about to quit. This indecisiveness and changing persona must look from the outside like madness – it certainly brought even more vultures in to pick over my online carcass.

Apparently in the eyes of some, I had to make a decision, or be a certain way, and then stick to it. I’m not sure why people care if I change my mind a thousand times, but apparently that isn’t allowed. Somehow, changing my mind was even seen as proof of my apparent disrespect for the industry. I don’t get that logic either.

I have been blocked by one Escort I have met and one fellow client I have met. I have been blocked by dozens of Escort’s, photographers, clients and industry followers that I have never met. I’m sure that I’m on some people’s ‘bad client’ list(s), although no one has ever told me why, what it is that makes me a bad client. I have many times started to think they must be right, and if they really wanted me to believe it, my last barrier would fall if they just gave me that final reason. What is the harm that Percie has caused for which he should disappear? You can see how close I have come from abuse alone, provide one logical reason, and given where I stand at the moment emotionally – you could save the industry from me in one fell swoop.

Where To From Here?

I don’t know. I have lost another real-life friend recently and I am at that age where others are battling health issues and others will fall soon as well. As I said at the start, I at least have my health. My youth will soon be gone. My long-term relationship is likely to end for good and for bad before long. My business will recover, it is recovering, and I hope that next year, that problem at the very least will be gone. Most of all, my Daughter is still here with us, and we are making slow process, sometimes forwards, sometimes backwards, but she is alive and I love her and I am doing everything that I can to keep her here. She is a truly beautiful person and the world needs her far more than me.

I loved my companion that retired this year. I know that was stupid, but the heart wants what the heart wants. My processing of that absence in my life has made me worse. I am worse to be around, I am a miserable melancholy soul, beating myself up for my own tragic feelings, impossible love, failures and roller-coaster decisions and moods.

Then there are others that I love too. As I have said, many Escorts are simply the most amazing people I have ever met. For whatever reason, they feel like ‘my tribe’, even if I am not welcome in theirs. There are a few in particular that I have feelings for at a level that I shouldn’t. This multi-person love makes me think I can no longer consider myself monogamous or at least permanently monogamous. That is a very unexpected change in my consciousness and a surprising outcome from my journey as a client of Escorts. Also surprising to me, is my still growing desire for emotional experiences, and deeper explorations of my truest feelings. The ‘me’ of ten-years ago would not even recognise the person that is here now on this journey.

This change is what I am hanging on to. The idea that it is a profound transition, that is taking me somewhere new, and making me a better person. At the moment my moods, flakiness and struggles to get past certain things, are making me a problem. My writing is erratic. Until I can finishing processing some losses and struggles, I don’t think I make a very good client for the Escort’s that care for me the most. I wonder why they persevere with me, and I struggle to believe their generosity and friendship is real. In part because my experience with other Escort endings has been hard, final and in some cases traumatic. Also because I am struggling in general, and not always listening to good-voices. Mostly because at the moment I don’t think that I am worthy of their care.

I could leave for a while. I could quit being a client for good. I could leave Australia and travel. I could stop writing. I could do more writing. I could do nothing different at all, and just keep swinging like a pendulum between joy and misery, driving those audiences that hate me on to even greater hatred. I really don’t know. My feeling is that I will try and just write and post while I am positive, go into hibernation when I’m not, and see out the rest of this year. I see 2018 being positive, I am envisioning it, I am taking steps to feel like I am in that space already, and that it is my new reality. A return to how I felt in 2016, but with more love, more to offer and as a better friend to those that I love.

I apologise to anyone I have upset or offended as Percie Blakeney. I pledge that I have never and will never disrespect this industry and its ethical participants. I apologise to myself in as much as I can manage it at the moment. Mostly, I apologise to the companions that I have grown to love, each in different ways, for my flakiness, my neediness and for whatever lies in store.

There are so many reasons in this article to hate me even more, but maybe if targeting me is your response, you know a bit more about the person on the other end, and maybe this time leave other people out of it.

Thank you!

Xx SP 16 October 2017.

“… Where are you now
Was it all in my fantasy
Where are you now
Were you only imaginary …”

Alan Walker

My Client Stages

How my journey as a client of Escorts has changed over time.

It seems strange looking backwards, to think that my journey as a ‘Client of Escorts’ has clear and distinct stages. Some relatively identifiable transitions and noticeably different periods. As I reflected on my journey in preparation for this unusual blog article, I felt great joy, but also rather profound sadness. Thinking about these phases is in many ways a personal meditation on the extreme highs and lows of my journey.

I am not suggesting that these stages apply to every client that sees multiple escorts and is active over an extended period. It is just what happened to me, so far, along the pathway of a two year adventure.

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The Beginning – Discovery Stage

I have written previously on how I began as a client, especially in the article ‘Becoming A Client’. Here I am talking in a less personal and more collective sense. A reflection on phases. Beginning with my first six-months as a client of the Escort industry. I don’t know how to explain this stage without sharing some numbers. Something that I have avoided in this blog until now, but my personal actions and the clarity of these stages, needs some explanation and some detail.

Over the first six-months, I met twelve Escorts. By the end of that first six-months, the three that I had connected with the most, I had met ten, eight and seven times respectively. Yes, I was hooked early and I did have a lot of bookings. I was careful in research back then, taking a long time to choose who I wanted to see. I selected in a slow and considered process, from a combination of online profiles and close observation of what these Escorts seemed to be like on social media.

I chose well. I was also infatuated with the Escorts that I met. It was such an exciting change from the lonely years that predated this journey. I liked pretty much all of the Escorts that I met, and I wanted to keep seeing all of them. I was trying to keep a growing number of connections open, and progress the strengthening connection with each of these different but amazing women. By the end of six-months, the only way that I could keep doing this, was to make more frequent bookings.

I was starting to realise that I couldn’t meet many new people and still keep seeing the Escorts that I had already met. As the first six-months came to an end, I came to my first sad realisation. This discovery dynamic of meeting new people, while continuing to see others I had met as well, just couldn’t keep going in the same way. It is pretty simple maths really, but who wants to consider maths in this type of emotional situation.

There is some change that comes with time in any case. Out of the first twelve Escorts that I met, four have since retired from the industry. In another two cases, the Escort is based somewhere that I don’t get to travel to very often, and as a result, they were single booking encounters. In three other cases, some of which you may have already read about on my blog, our individual connection ended. Often the ‘endings’ were not particularly pleasant. They never ended ‘within a booking’, but in the messages, complexity and communication spaces that sit in between these fantasy moments.

In fact the three ‘Escort relationships’ I have had that ended the most awkwardly, all started within this ‘beginning period’ and then ended in the next stage of my journey. I had fourteen, thirteen and eleven bookings with these three lovely Escorts. Even today, although the various reasons for ending contact were all appropriate, I still miss all three of these intimate connections. The adventures of those first six months were so new and rich with experience, it is hard not to reflect, remember and sometimes miss the sheer newness of that period. I think it was some sort of awakening – it was certainly a period of personal discovery and enjoyment for me.

Three of the wonderful Escorts from this first phase, I am still privileged to continue to book today. The number of total bookings with each of them is climbing, and it is amazing to be building on a connection that includes a lengthening history together. They have been with me as I have moved through these phases and it is hard not to view these connections as friendships, because they feel like deep, intimate and beautiful friendships. After all, they have weathered my changing phases and still agree to see me. They are deeply important women to me. Each in their own way, they have changed me, supported me, loved me, and given my whole journey a continuity that I would be lost without. The beauty in these relationships also protects me in darker moments, and when confronted with some of the less positive aspects of this industry.

The Explosion – Experience Stage

A lot of my blog articles talk about this stage. After all, I didn’t start bloging until I had been a client for over a year, so I was in the later part of this second period when I started to write. Articles like ‘Addicted to Escorts’ are probably a good illustration of this period of wanting to ‘experience it all’. That ‘kid in a candy store’ dynamic has its own set of issues, and I wrote articles like ‘Single Booking Sadness’ and ‘What Went Wrong’ when I was dealing with no longer being able to make repeat bookings with every wonderful Escort that I met.

I am not going to say how many Escorts I met during this period, that is a level of private revelation that I’m not ready to open up to at this stage. What I can say, is that I met a number of amazing women, that had they been bookings in the ‘Discovery Phase’, I would most likely have seen them on more occasions than I ultimately did. With some of these bookings, I think back to the Escort and our one or two bookings with great fondness, and have wondered many times, if I had met them at the start, or now, not while I was in a phase of expanding my experiences, would things have been different. I believe they would. Sometimes it isn’t about ‘who you meet’, it is just as critically about ‘when you meet’. I certainly met some Escorts at the wrong time.

Despite the challenge of trying to balance seeing established regulars with a rush of new first time experiences, I still met some Escorts that I continue to see today. Some are close companions that I have seen on a significant number of occasions. I guess the point that I’m trying to make here, is that a growing regular connection was just ‘less likely’ to start with a client who was going through this crazy expansion period. During this stage, there was an element of ‘loving the thrill’ as much as ‘loving the individuals’.

A lot of the ‘angst’ in my early blog articles came from contradictory emotions that emerged during this stage. A sort of battle between the emotions of desiring experience, learning and discovery, in a tension and conflict with emotions that are about the specific personal connections between two people. In some cases the individual connections got collateral damage from the bigger journey, self-discovery and overall adventure that was happening with me at the time.

The Equilibrium – Settling Stage

More recently, I have come to find some form of equilibrium. I don’t see that many new Escorts that I haven’t met before any longer. It happens, occasionally I want that ‘first-meeting’ adrenaline and thrill again. The chance of meeting another close connection. It happens. Recently I have met a few Escorts that I am thrilled to be getting to know and seeing again. If I hadn’t still had the occasional new booking, I would have missed out on meeting some of the Escorts that I adore. The reality however is that this happens slowly, over a longer period of time, and largely as someone else retires or the connection closes for some other reason with a longer established companion.

Overall I have less bookings, most of them are with people that I feel I have come to know quite well, and I feel that they know something about me too. It is a stage that also has its challenges. It is hard not to fall at least partially in love with someone who you desperately want to stay in your life. Some of the articles like ‘Loving An Escort’ and ‘Staying In The Moment’, talk about the challenges of ‘keeping it about the booking’, when there is a growing interpersonal connection and a person (or people) that you (and I mean of course me) are thinking about regularly. Sneaking into your consciousness and even into your dreams.

With these regular connections, there are songs, smells, places and other triggers that re-make the connection at random times. So it is fine to say, ‘keep it to the booking’, but my mind has a way of filling in the ‘in-between’ places as well. I have found in this more recent phase, the phase that I believe I am still currently in, that the ‘Post-Booking Melancholy’ can be profound and deep. These wonderful women have entered my soul and although I can ‘keep it to the booking’, and respect boundaries and honour the connection, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that is a challenge. It is challenging because there really is a form of love that lives in this space.

Future Stages

I don’t know what else is to come. As I wrote in ‘Changed Man’ recently, there are other sources of changes and forces on my life outside of this journey and inside it as well. I know that other Escorts that I am close to will retire at some point. I know that ‘buying moments’ is unlikely to remain my primary manner of sexual intimacy forever. So there will be other stages, I just don’t know what they are yet. Maybe a different sort of equilibrium, maybe a decline phase, or maybe an extended ‘hiatus’ or ‘gap’. I don’t know. Many of you who read my blog have been clients for much longer than me. Maybe you would like to comment on your own phases. Have you been, gone, come back. Or do you see things very differently to me.

Perhaps if you are at the start, in that wonderful period of discovery. Then the one bit of bad news, or good news, is that the one constant is that things will change. People come into your life and they go out of it. I feel like I have formed some emotional ‘scar tissue’ from having strong feelings, then loss, and then other new strong feelings. There is a pervasive sadness that builds and grows over time, but it is the price of the adventure, the dark contrast to the lightness of amazing memories and experiences. I can’t give up the sadness, because it is the garden that all these amazing experience are growing within. There is no going back, and there is no way in hell that I would ever want to.

For every companion that I have met, I hope that some of this makes sense to you in the way that it does to me. You have all had a profound impact on me, that has made me a better person, and these connections and experiences are still shaping me into an even better man.

To my three companions that remain from the very beginning, I really don’t know how you have stuck with me through this journey. You know that I love you, and I want to say thank you once again!

Thank you as always for your readership. I would love to hear your experiences, your stages and your opinions. To those companions still with me, I truly and deeply thank you for continuing to let me share moments together with you.

Xx SP 12 October 2017

Growing Up

The journey starts to take hold …

I am an almost 50-year-old boy! Like a lot of guys, there is a teenager trapped inside, and I have been slow to learn emotional, life and important interpersonal lessons. Well the penny is starting to drop.

My almost two-year journey as a client of escorts is only part of my transition. It is an important part, and it has combined with some other difficult, painful and emotional transformations to teach me something. I am finally listening. Perhaps in some ways, I am finally ‘growing up’.

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Expectations of Seeing Escorts

I started this journey, as you can discover if you read ‘Becoming a Client’ out of a set of circumstances. I thought, after 10-years without real intimacy, and in a mid-life-crisis that it was about selfishness, adventure and rediscovering interpersonal intimacy. It was, and it wasn’t. I am not that guy any more.

My almost three-decade monogamous relationship looks like it is coming to an end. In the not too distant future, I will be a single, lonely, middle-aged and tragic figure. I would have expected to be looking for another long-term monogamous relationship, one that would see me through to the grave. That is what I thought. I wanted some memories before that declining last-chapter began. I wanted a bit of youth, some craziness and some sex and intimacy before resigning myself to old age and another attempt at an all encompassing monogamous relationship. After all that is what society expects.

That isn’t me anymore. I have new plans, and it is ironically the Escorts that I have met on the journey, that have changed my mind more than anyone else. Hotel bedroom and dinner booking ‘therapists’ that have shown me things about myself and shown me their own intimate journeys. Their desires, their demons, their lessons have helped me. They have also provided a mirror on my own issues and my own journey.

The Surprising Dynamics

I felt in some crazy way, that I could ‘road-test’ becoming intimate with a future soul mate by courting (seeing) Escorts. I know, madness right? I also felt that although the intimacy was purchased, it really was a ‘Girlfriend Experience’, again madness. So what has happened to me?

I fell in love. Of course I did, I was deprived of intimacy for more than a decade and Escorts for the most part are some of the most awesome and amazing people anyone could meet. Anyone who has read my blog knows that I have fallen hard (more than once). If I couldn’t have love, the I felt that I would give love, and hope for something to come back the other way. Anything really, just some care, some intimacy, some validation and interest. Also madness!

Despite my ignorance and stupidity, something that some parts of this industry depend upon from clients, I have been fortunate. In between my many mistakes, I have met some of the most amazing, and some of the most caring of people. Often, they have no doubt been frustrated with me. Head in hands, going “Bloody Hell Percie, what the fu^k are you thinking”, they have persevered with me. They have changed me. They have taken some real time and effort to help me!

My Friends

All of us meet friends in the most unlikely places. In fact, literally anywhere in our lives. Some friends and connections stick, and some don’t. I have been a very lucky client, as I think I have made a few on this journey. I know some clients write to me and say that they haven’t – and I am truly sorry if that is really the case. I have befriended a few fellow travelers. Perhaps more meaningfully, I have also been fortunate to befriend some Escorts. I have a friend in Sydney, we always have a great time together, and although we don’t see each other often, there are just too many things happening that we share for me to think that a friendship hasn’t formed. She is stuck with me!

I have a friend in Melbourne, although either of our eventual industry retirements will be a test, as I am a middle aged man and she is an amazing young woman. The same in Perth and the same in some other places, New South Wales, Queensland and even further afield. We are friends despite meeting in this industry, rather than because of it. I have also lost contacts I had mistakenly thought were friends. For a while that made me believe that every industry contact would end when the money stopped. Now I realise that is true in most cases, but it isn’t always true or some unavoidable rule.

In the situation where the money stops, and any artifice of friendship ends, if there is something else shared, a valuable exchange of another type between people, then a different future connection emerges. The possibility of a friendship that started within the moments together of an Escort-Client relationship. Some endings hurt as the reality becomes apparent. Now however I know, that in some rare and special cases, other connections will continue. I believe I now have a more mature engagement with this reality.

My Lovers

I don’t believe any of my paid companions love me. Sure I love some of them, but that is the nature of the industry, the gap between client love and escort accommodation of their clients, is the payment and the industry, that lets this dynamic and temporary reality happen in the first place. I will take friendship, and failing that, remembered experiences, as my wonderful result of this journey.

When I am single, I will be once again looking for love. I feel that I am now better prepared for this part of my journey. The challenge will be that I will be looking for it in an environment where I am open, integral with myself, and honest about my needs. I will be open that I have been a client of Escorts, and I may well be again. I know that reduces my chances of meeting people, but that is the approach I intend to take.

When that period of intensity of wanting to be in each others orbit, with nothing else intruding, that initial honey-moon of interactions is over, I will once again want broader experiences. I will want to invite others into my life. I will want to maintain a connection while exploring others. I will want to see other people, paid or unpaid, in an open and honest exchange and re-engage with people I have already met on this journey.

I know that sounds like a fairy-tale. I don’t have that much appeal to win love even in a classical model, let alone in some future utopian model of open relationships. But I don’t care. That is what I am going to do. That is what I will try. I am not ashamed of being a client of Escorts (past, present or future), I am proud of it. It has led me here. It has led me to a person that I actually want to be, a person that I am proud of, a person that needs more than one other person that I am sexually attracted to to be in my life, part of this life, sharing some aspects of the journey with me.

I still have a lot of growing up to do. But I am not going back to where I was and I have some of the most amazing people to thank for this transition. Sometimes these people are called Escorts. To me, they have been teachers, lovers, companions. In a few, a very small few cases, they are my friends.

Thank you for reading. I hope your journey is progressing too. To those most dear to me, I hope you see your place in this story and what you have done for me. I thank you. I love you. I hope I can be there for you as you have been there for me.

Xx SP 20 September 2017

Blue Moon Week (Pt-1)

Some experiences will never be repeated but always remembered.

Only Once In A Blue Moon!

This is the story of a unique 72-hours in my life! Everything was unexpected, everything was unusually special, everything will never, ever, be repeated again. This three-day period is my ‘once in a blue moon’ story, I can’t see me ever having a tale quite like this to recount again.

This ‘three-part’ booking recollection is not meant to suggest anything about escort-client bookings, as you will see this booking, and the ones to follow, are very special cases. What happened was unusual, I have no expectation of any similar experiences in the future, and these are not stories of how ‘escort-client’ bookings should normally proceed. This is the story of a rare set of exceptions to the rules, this is the story of what can only ever happen … Once In A Blue Moon!

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Blue Moon Week – Day One – A Long Anticipated Meeting

This was to be a first meeting, a long anticipated extended dinner booking. We had been ‘chatting’ on Twitter for a considerable amount of time, and the tyranny of distance had worked against us meeting, but we were finally going to be in the same city. The long-planned day had finally arrived.

I was very nervous about this booking. I think this was for a combination of reasons, including how well we had connected with each other online. Given that people often comment on the difference between Percival Blakeney as a blogger and Twitter persona and what I am actually like in person – face-to-face as a real boy. I thought what if she likes Percie, as a construction of Twitter and this blog, but doesn’t like me? Similarly, I had been excited by the clear intellect and very different perspectives of this amazing woman, but I was also anxious that maybe our world’s were too different, and we may not have enough of a common point of personal connection.

As the ‘real-life’ meeting was about to happen, I wondered whether I had built my expectations far too high – something that as we all know, can make the reality seem less than it is. I was nervous about my high expectations and I was nervous about living up to her expectations as well.

Planning Turns To Reality.

Our plan was a special extended dinner, we had selected a high-end restaurant for a long, slow, enjoyable conversation to extend on our online discussion and then retire to the hotel afterwards. A pretty typical ‘extended dinner booking’ plan. I arrived at the restaurant, took the table, ordered a cocktail (no surprises there) and started looking at my phone and the lovely view from the table.

As often happens for those of us touring, escorts and clients, flights, traffic, hotel check-in, taxis, Ubers and the general logistics get in the way. My lovely companion let me know that she was delayed. I responded that I had waited this long to meet, waiting a little longer was no issue at all, and would you like me to order you a drink? I sat, waiting and getting even more nervous because of the anticipation that surrounded this first meeting. I even had strange thoughts that she might see me, decide against the meeting and ‘walk away’.

We Meet!

Then another message arrived. In the rush, my companion had forgotten her bag and was out front but unable to pay for the taxi, she was unnecessarily embarrassed and apologetic. So I walked out the front and turned down the busy street and saw my companion for the night for the first time. She was stunningly beautiful, dressed in a thin dress, a woolen hat, and her beautiful fine blond hair moving in the breeze. She was in a heightened state of anxiety, standing beside the taxi, still looking graceful, beautiful and ethereal as the city moved around her. I hadn’t seen her face before this and I was struck by how beautiful my companion was. I paid the taxi driver without even looking at him.

We exchanged nervous pleasantries and started the short walk back to the restaurant. I had my arm around her waist and she felt and smelled the way that she looked, light, graceful and the most accurate description “extremely delicate and light in a way that seems not to be of this world” … ethereal. She quickly recovered from her anxiousness, stopped me right in front of the restaurant welcoming staff, looked into my eyes and then gave me a deep, long and full kiss. I still carry my ‘no physical contact’ upbringing with me, despite my efforts to discard it, and I froze for a second. Then I realised how amazing this moment was, let go, and enjoyed this surprising, warm and intimate moment – in full view of the restaurant staff that I had walked past just minutes before. It was a surprise moment, forever gifted to my memory for its strength, novelty, impulsiveness and power.

We Eat!

We were shown to the table, well back to the table in my case. Deciding quickly to go with the long, slow, time consuming degustation and matching wines option. We both knew already that it was going to be a longer than expected night. The food and wine was great, but my companion was far more amazing. Smiling, looking into my eyes, asking insightful questions, telling me about her life, teasing deep things from me and offering up those of her own as well. This person really knew me.

She had somehow seen between the badly written and often sterile writing of my blog articles. She had seen between the pendulum of my Twitter posts as I move between overly optimistic client content and overly pessimistic assessments of ‘what does it all mean’. When so many other people misunderstand this client persona, she had gone even further than I could ever have expected, she had already seen the real me underneath. We had so much in common, but not because of any special gifts that I have, but because of the breadth of her understandings, experiences and her amazing personal ability to get to know someone – really, deeply know them.

The hours of the dinner passed in a flash. Conversation was not rushed but never seemed to stall either. We both got a little tipsy from the matched wines, there were serious moments, laughing moments, giggles and some sneaky kissing and touching. I’m sure other restaurant guests were probably looking in our direction dismayed at our lack of restraint, but to the restaurant’s credit, our service staff seemed to enjoy and support our connection. I think we left just in time, my need to be physically with my companion was getting very intense, a level of desire that I haven’t felt very often.

We Meet Again!

Thankfully the hotel wasn’t far away. We were in the room fast, out of most of our clothes fast, and then we met again, this time physically. It was needed, it was release, it was passionate and intense, but it wasn’t rushed. We made use of almost all of the hotel room and bathroom, for how long I don’t know, but it was late, very late, probably the better description was that we had seen in the new day and it was now early.

At the end, my companion started to shake a little, a subtle quiver in the dark, lying beside me and partially on me. She was crying a little, and asked if I minded if she let go and cried. I think normally this may have surprised me a little, and maybe even fed into some of my own insecurities. Here though, in this moment, it was completely natural, understandable, even necessary. We were both in release, we were comfortable and we both knew things about what the other was going through at this time in our lives. She cried quietly but fully for a while, and I did too. I don’t cry, like I really don’t cry – almost ever. I cried like a baby and it felt great. It was another form of release on top of all of the other sexual release and it was a beautiful closure of the date.

I have been crying since, fairly regularly as it happens. I think this was an opening of me, a permission, or some other catharsis that changed me and is still changing me. I can’t tell you exactly how or why, but it felt right and it felt important and it felt perfect.

We Part!

This was not a normal booking. I don’t open up like that to anyone at a first meeting. My companion had also made decisions on the way through the booking to let it be different, to let it last, to let it play out as it did. She left me slowly, kindly and in a caring way. There wasn’t much of the night left, I laid down on the hotel bed expecting to sleep for a few hours before the world kicked back in, and I had to reset for a work day. I couldn’t sleep, I was relaxed, calm, happy and at peace, but I was also contemplative and needed to make the moment last as long as I could.

Slowly wondering what had just happened, who was this person who seemed to know me and what I needed so well. The room was rich with the remnants of our sex, the smell, warmth and feeling kept me cocooned in some weird post-sex meditative state. I didn’t sleep and soon enough my alarm went off, telling me it was eight in the morning and I had an hour to get to a business client meeting.

This was not a normal booking. It certainly wasn’t a normal first meeting. It isn’t representative of anything that came before and I suspect of anything that will come again. It was unique on so many levels, it was truly a ‘Once In A Blue Moon’ experience and strangely it marked the first-day of a three-day run of remarkable, unique, ‘Blue Moon’ experiences. I will write part two and three soon and although disconnected in many ways, it is an inseparable 72-hours for me – never to be relived, never to be forgotten and still transforming me many weeks later.

My companion and I are in different geographies and yet in some similar places in respect of a coincidence of our own individual life transitions. We remain in contact, we will be meeting again soon, I am sure sparks will fly and it will be amazing, but it won’t be, it can’t be, the same as this amazing first meeting. The focal point that this night played in a transformation of me is unique. It is still unfolding and is clearly a once-only thing. It is another escort experience that can’t be undone – I have changed as a result of that night and the two that followed. Thank you to a beautiful, gentle and deeply insightful soul who chose to spend a transformational ‘Blue Moon Night’ with me!

Thank you to my companion, as always, please keep speculation on people involved to yourself. Thank you for your readership. Please keep any comments respectful, we all know this is unusual and there is no suggestion that any other booking should ever unfold like this or any implication or excuse that it is OK to disrespect any boundaries, timing and the normal dynamics of an escort-client booking. Your own experiences and feelings are of course most welcome comments.

Xx SP 21 June 2017.

My End of Summer

Saying goodbye to an escort that I love.

All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey …

My long, beautiful, magical summer has come to an end. Everyone remembers their first, but my first was no ordinary first. I met someone, by good fortune alone, that was my personal angel. An old, old soul, but a young spirit, and what is even better, she was a ‘dark angel’, who better to take me on a journey of adventure. A long, extended magical summer of love!

I don’t know if it is possible to fall in love at first sight, but when she first walked into my life I was unable to speak, transfixed and the image of that arrival is still burned into my mind. This somewhat shy, bubbly, giggling and strikingly beautiful young woman, with steel and determination underneath, put me at ease immediately. My love for her has grown ever since. It was always a stupid, foolish, impossible love, but it was and still is my love.

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Now it is over.

Behind me is a glorious summer of experiences with this amazing companion, thankfully it lasted a long time and for a while, I felt like it would never end. Now I stand looking at a colder, darker, less certain path ahead. I don’t have my ancient, soulful, dark angel to guide me with her light spirit and her joyous touch. In the past, her words and advice never failed to bring me happiness. Pushing me on to great experiences and profound joy. Now she is gone. I am not exaggerating the depth of these feelings, this period of time was perfection for me. Change often comes quickly, and my personal ‘summer’ with her is over.

From start to finish we had twenty-one bookings together, I know that isn’t a lot for some people, but it is for me. Almost one-hundred hours spent together in each other’s company, and other glorious exchanges and conversations in between, there was not a single bad minute. The only regrets I have are that I did not tell her how I felt more often, and as I was also learning, I made some mistakes that hurt my longest-lasting companion along the journey. She took my short-comings and my slip-ups in her stride, taught me, helped me and most importantly forgave me – always with a softness and a grace that I hope I can learn to emulate one day.

What happened?

Her story is her own to tell, but it is a joyful end – she is moving on with her own journey in a positive way. Changing situations have brought our journey to a close and I am thankful that it is a happy parting. I can’t help but carry a broken heart at the moment – it comes from my own selfish loss of a connection that I had grown to depend upon far too much. Only now that it is gone, can I feel how deep it goes, it goes right to the core of my being. Those who know me, and some of you connected to me, you know that I have been a mess for a while – I am however moving forward in this new changed world, but at the moment, it is colder and darker one than before.

Others of you may see me as a tragic, naive and misguided figure. One of those lame, lonely punters who never got the joke, and fell for the illusions of the impossible, pretend fantasies that are created only within the confines of an escort booking. Stupidly thinking that something meaningful could remain outside of the paid experience. You are right – I am lonely, I am naive, and I am tragic. You can hate me if you want, that certainly does seem to be a thing that happens to me as a writer in this client-escort world, far more than I expected, but I am getting used to, even comfortable with that experience too. The good news for you, if you are upset by my illusion, is that this pathetic middle-aged man hurts, the escort is free, and there is no more annoying adoration that she has to handle from me. The ‘beauty’ is free and the ‘beast’ is locked in his own self-made cage.

If you are more sensitive to my perspective, and one of the people that cares a little for me, then please don’t worry, don’t feel bad, there is so much to be happy about. For one thing, I know that my ‘dark angel’ really does care deeply for me (of course others won’t believe that, but I know it in my heart). Our parting as absent friends, lets me look back on all of our experiences together, and there were so, so, many of them, with sublime joy. I will never forget this ‘first summer’ of mine, and that of course was the whole point of spending so much time with someone who was just perfect for me. I hope that she will remember with some fondness little parts of our experiences together too. I hope that in future she remembers me with one-hundredth of the intensity that I will remember her.

In addition, I have seen how many other people have a soft spot for me in their hearts. I have never been such an emotional mess before in my life, and one new experience for me, is seeing people step forward with love and care – that is such a gift. I am humbled and emotional about that too. Thank you my friends. There have been some amazingly lovely escorts, and some other contacts who know these feelings, who have helped drag me out of this low place in my life.

This period has been an emotional storm. Some other real-life dramas just happened to be playing out at the same time. Just to make sure that I never forget the depths of this period, I also mistakenly thought that a second escort that I love was disappearing from my life as well. My two impossible fantasies were disappearing at exactly the same time. For a short and sharp period, I felt as though I had been shot, stabbed and dropped into a well, and then it was sealed up over the top of me with no light coming in. It is amazing how you read (or misread) things when you are already down low. That light has returned, my darkest days are gone. What I know now most of all is how lucky, and I mean perhaps the luckiest man alive, I am to have seen the care of so many people, and still be left with the most wonderful memories of ‘days in the sun’ with my Dark Angel, my muse, and my font of adventure. I will always love her, but I can move on with memories of our amazing times together.

So where to from here?

Firstly I hope that her journey is so grand, so wonderful that it is deserving of her – I want everything in the world for her. I want more for her than anyone else I know outside of my own children. Secondly, I am happy! The road ahead is a little unclear, but I have people to hang onto, guide me, and be in my life for the next chapter – there will be another summer and it may not be that far away at all. If my Dark Angel returns, then I will always, always be here for her with open arms. I am also cherishing other people in my life too, who have already shown me the quality of their soul and the lightness of their spirit. This journey has shown me some amazing, loving and brilliant people that I also want to be in my life. I am moving towards them and I hope that they want me in their lives too.

For a little while I thought about my own ‘retirement’. I seriously contemplated giving up this journey, stopping writing this blog, leaving Twitter and trying some completely new and different chapter in my life. I don’t know how the future will play out, and I am far more impulsive and reactive at the moment than I would like – just another emotional work in progress for me as a growing and hurting person. For now I see this blog, and my increasing level of comfort with this crazy Percie Blakeney persona (me with another name) as a likely part of my next ‘summer’ – for now at least. Besides, I can’t mothball this crazy, weird blog yet, because the memories, threads and emotions of my Dark Angel are woven through its every page. I will remember my first escort forever, my first summer and the strength that was offered to me by others when the leaves turned brown. (OK now if you must play the song – here it is, or this ‘sketch version’ if you would prefer a good laugh).

The real song that tells the story of my companion, far better than this blog article does, is ‘Ride’ by Lana Del Rey, introduced to me by my Dark Angel herself. I highly recommend listening to it in full, loud and in a dark room. I can’t listen to it just at the moment without becoming a blubbering mess – I really have become an emotional wreck lately. I don’t even recognise myself sometimes, I like the new more emotionally connected me, but being so emotional can also be much harder at times.

There is a light ahead and it is getting stronger, but I will never forget how I got here. Thank you so much my love, I owe you everything! To those that are supporting me now, I love you, owe you and thank you so much too!

Epilogue (September Update)

It has been four months since I last saw my Dark Angel, a tough four months. I don’t know how long it takes to ‘get over’ someone that you deeply care about, but it clearly isn’t four months. My Dark Angel is still teaching me things on this journey. Firstly, to leave this industry isn’t easy, and to do it so well takes real courage, determination and personal strength. I always knew that she was far stronger than me, but I doubt when it is time for me to ‘retire’ as a client, that I will be able to do it as cleanly, as courageously, and with as much grace and dignity as she was able to achieve.

It has also taught me that I need to change my perspective. I know my Dark Angel liked me, but as is the way of humans, we want our amazing moments to become ongoing connections. That can’t always happen! When someone changes their life and their connections, and their business, big things need to change. There is no doubt we shared amazing memories, but they had a time and a place, their day in the sun. Now we have both been forced to move on. Being a regular of a retired escort is a lonely place. What is true, is that an ‘ex-client’ needs to be completely out of the ‘ex-escort’s’ new life. It is a hard shift to accept and it has taken me four-months to realise that she isn’t just gone as a companion. I will never see her again.

These endings are hard endings and the contrast is so profoundly a shift from light to dark. Someone who is in your life one day, is gone forever. The amazing memories remain, but the ache of my soul to feel her in my life is yet to pass. I take her courage in leaving the industry as a beacon for me to keep up my courage in letting her go. At some point soon, I am going to need to rid myself of some of the reminders, because they are starting to hurt more in the moment, than the joy that comes from the memories that they trigger. I also owe the release of this part of my heart, and the attached melancholy, to the people who are still in my life and showing me such amazing times and even love as well. I need to ‘unlock’ myself again and be open in the way I was at the start of this journey. When down, it is easy to diminish other relationships and I need to be present in them and connect with those who want me in their lives.

I have heard briefly from my Dark Angel, enough for me to take satisfaction that her life is progressing as she would wish. That we have our own song too. Our song, as it is for many people no doubt, is Chelsea Hotel No 2, Lana Del Rey version of course. It is appropriate in so many ways. It ends with ‘to be honest, I don’t even think of you that often’, a lie sung by Leonard Cohen about his time with Janis Joplin. It will be a long time, before that line is true for me. Until then, I will show the courage my Dark Angel has and tell the world I have moved on.

For now, I am in a better place than I have been for a long time. My ‘muchness’ has returned and I am ‘in-the-moment’ with people who I adore, and who also want me in their life, as client, as friend, as someone who shares moments with them still. I am also going on a trip, some time for myself to recharge. Shed the last vestiges of this difficult year and make some new memories. Nothing about this farewell article has changed from the version in June to this epilogue in September, other than some personal growth, some hard lessons and a new commitment to be strong, enjoy the adventure and enrich some other people’s lives.

Thank you my Dark Angel, one more time, “I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel”. I wish you every great thing in your life ahead and I know that it must be without me.

If you know or can guess the identity of this person, and the same applies with every article, please respect that this is meant to be anonymous and treat this as a work of fiction with fictional characters. Her story, her path, her future are her own. Please do not name her in any comments or social media.

Thank you so much everyone who has helped me – I don’t think you will ever know how much that means to me – I love so many of you (and now I have a thank-you page too). The richness, variety and lessons you give astound me so much – I can’t believe how much life I have discovered on this journey. Finally thank you again to the readers who put up with my silly blog. To the small few who really care for me, you know who you are, thank you so much – you have put my broken heart back together. I know many people hate hearing that the ‘paid escort-client’ relationships can be this rich and full of feeling – but they can and sometimes they are – and they can still be bounded by business and professional respect.

Xx SP 8 June 2017 (article updated 25 June 2017 and 19 September 2017).

World of Private Messages

Escort-client dynamics in the realm of Twitter private messages.

What happens between escorts and clients in Twitter PM’s?

It will all be fine, this isn’t some ‘secret-breaking’ reveal it all article. Sorry if that is a disappointment. This is instead a look at the types of communication that move away from the public social media view, and into the world of private messages on Twitter. There are similarities with texts and emails, but I am specifically looking at private messages on Twitter in this article.

Let’s take a look at booking exchanges, between booking communications, supporting each other, making arrangements, sharing information and a look at some of the more controversial areas of hustling, bullying, trolling, extortion and threats. Of course it’s not all bad news, there are some very lovely things that happen in the world of Private Messages (PMs) too!

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Sitting in bubbles, sipping wine and reading my PMs!

I really have no concept of how escorts manage their communication load! Forget bookings, administration, beauty treatments, preparation, security, health, personal well-being, and having a life! How on earth do Escorts stay on top of emails, texts and social media. I make this point, because this article and this whole blog site is a single client’s view of the world. Occasionally I struggle to keep up with my own social media, and my ‘content load’ must be less than one-percent of what an escort has to face.

In addition, the ‘shitty’ part (bad manners, aggression, trolling and everything that ‘brings me down’) must also be less than one-percent of what an escort faces. Anyone who ever thinks for a second that an escort’s life might be easy – should just consider that aspect alone for a minute. How on earth do they manage it? I can sit in a hotel bath, drink a glass of red wine, cruise my social media and select some responses (I had to tie in the article photo somehow – hehe). It is rare that this is a negative experience, so this article is not a complaint at all – as a client I have things easy, just like in every other aspect of the escort-client world.

I should add though that I only do this for fun and experiences. I am here to spend money, not to make it, so by the same token, I should be able to choose my level of involvement – because I am not marketing for business and I am not interested in buying negativity. Sometimes I even forget that I am a customer not a provider and feel I obliged to be super responsive on these communication channels to anyone that engages with me. Something that I am slowly learning to change.

What is great about Private Messages?

If you have received a sweet message from an escort, the you don’t need me to tell you what is great about Private Messages. When an ultra-busy escort, as described above, takes a minute to send something to you one-on-one, that is a huge gift – it makes my day every single time it happens. I always try to respond if I can, because let’s face it, I have more time than they do (some of the time) and I would always love another similar message sometime in the future. I am conscious to try and stop these responses from becoming a ‘chain of messages’ that is wasting their time. There is a high risk that Private Messages from clients are time-wasting. I actually ask myself before pressing send – am I wasting this generous escort’s time? I was told recently that sometimes I cut private threads short and send an ‘I’m too busy feeling’ – that isn’t because I don’t want to ‘chat’, it is usually because I want to be respectful and not be seen as a time-waster by the Escorts I like the most. It is a hard thing to know what the right balance is.

What PMs make sense, are positive and useful?

Real booking arrangements benefit both clients and escorts. Private Messaging isn’t necessarily a great place for this, and a client should always try to use the escort’s preferred communication channel and processes and not attempt to bypass screening or protocol. Sometimes however PMs are useful for inquiring about bookings, tours or other meeting preliminaries and they can also be useful for clearing up other details and making contact immediately prior to the booking. These should all be short, clear, well-mannered, sufficiently detailed and kept to a minimum.

Thank you messages also make sense. Whether by text or PM, a post-booking message sent from the client to the escort is in my view a must. I want the escort to know how special the booking was, how much I appreciated their time and effort, and the truth behind how they made me feel. That is easy, I always feel awesome after a booking, but I want it to say something personal and truthful too – I don’t lie in these messages. Getting a similar message in return is also a lovely reinforcement of the booking. As I have said in other articles, if there isn’t a return message after a thank you – for me at least, that is a pretty distressing thing (thankfully it is also a very rare thing). This is something to keep honest, real, kind and personal – it is also once again, something that shouldn’t be ‘over-done’. Time-wasting is again not a long journey away from being kind and attentive.

Support and contact messages are also lovely. These are more appropriate territory for times when a more personal connection has developed. Occasional contact between people that know each other is one of the more pleasant things about private messages. To know that someone is aware when you are slightly down, or wants to celebrate something with you, make a positive comment or just let you know that they are still there and thinking of you occasionally – those messages can be a real joy. This is one of the most complex areas however, as what is sweet and pleasant for one person, might be creepy and time-wasting for another. There is an ‘art’ here to knowing your own connection with that person – what is lovely, what is OK, and what is not acceptable. I try to lean slightly towards the less is more, but as a ‘person of words’, I am at risk more than most of saying too much, too often. I am trying to learn!

From my own perspective, being told that an escort is thinking of an upcoming tour, contacting me to say hello, sharing a memory, asking a question, looking for support, offering support, being kind and other general occasional contact is not hustling and it is more than acceptable, it is actually very nice and highly appreciated. I know there are wide ranging views on this, by clients and escorts alike, but for me contact from someone who knows that I like their contact is more than fine, it is appreciated and desirable.

What PMs are questionable or downright nasty?

Hustling is questionable and takes many different forms. Firstly, lets all admit that it happens, it happens quite a lot, and it is not all the same. Some may think asking for a booking, or a type of booking (say a double), or exploring if there is a connection is hustling. I don’t! To me this is great when it is wanted by the recipient, it is OK when it is softly rejected and that is the last unsolicited request, and it is only hustling, when it is hustling and that line becomes pretty clear, pretty fast. Escorts are in business, how they get their business is their business, and if I get successfully ‘hustled’, then that is my fault as a ‘stupid punter’. If I don’t feel like I’ve been hustled, enjoy the result, and I am happy with the contact and the outcome, then I haven’t been hustled. Clients however hustling escorts, that is something else entirely – and put plain and simply, it is never OK.

Trolling, bullying, extortion and threats also take many different forms and are rarely if ever acceptable. I haven’t been extorted and I am reluctant to call anything else that has happened to me bullying, although I know these things happen in the back-channels of social media and through other contact points as well. I have however been threatened may times and trolled, it is still a surreal experience for me, I don’t understand the commitment or motivations of the originator(s), I can’t reconcile the effort that is required, and I don’t understand how a person gets a benefit from that behaviour, other than by inflicting misery, and I can’t understand that mentality.

I am sure that some scenarios could exist, where threats and maybe even cases of bullying are a response to something worse and form part of dealing with an issue and bringing about some balance. Maybe there are cases for that. So far however, every story that I have heard about would seem to have had a better solution. I’m not ignorant enough to say that ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’, but certainly as far as I can see, trolling, bullying, threats and extortion make poor tools for creating any form of positive solution or bringing resolution to any issue. They are also bad marketing. Tell me if I’m wrong on this, but all of these pathways seem to hurt the originator as much, maybe even more, than the intended target. Surely the best revenge (if you are into revenge) is to move forward and have a great life and leave any disliked target you may have encountered behind. Otherwise you are just caught circling the drain – a place where the hurt just remains.

So when to use Private Messages?

I think like so many things with communication, there is a simple three-stage test. I am writing this for my future benefit, not as some expert, I want to live this model myself.

Firstly is it being written with good intent or bad? Secondly, will the recipient benefit from it or not? Finally, is it clear or is there a possibility of misinterpretation?

The last one is super tricky. Text mediums are so prone to misinterpretation without the benefit of tone, body language or immediate visibility to each-other’s reactions. I have stuffed up text based communication so, so, so many times. In fact some of those disasters are hinted at in the articles on this blog. I am going to try my best to follow my own rules, but sometimes I don’t even see the misinterpretation coming until its too late.

I am a work in progress. However, if you know me, and if you ever hear from me in a Private Message, please know … (a) I wrote it with good intent, (b) I hoped that it was going to benefit you, and finally, I am trying not to waste your time. If you are sending me one, I will also try to read it and understand it with the same positive lens.

Private Messages can be lovingly awesome, it is also territory for some of the nastiest and most hateful words that have even been crafted. The private underside of Twitter (and other private messages) is a different world to what we all see ‘above the waterline’ in the public world.

Thank you for your readership. Comments and feedback most gratefully received. Plus my sincere and eternal apologies for anyone I have ever upset in a badly considered Private Message (or anywhere else for that matter).

Xx SP 25 May 2017 (article updated 18 June 2017).