Escort Relationship Breakdowns

Escort-client connections are still relationships and they end.

Ending longstanding escort-client connections.

One day, the escort or client will retire from their participation in the industry, however most connections won’t last until anywhere near that natural end.

Sometimes the ending of a regular and repeat connection is easy, sometimes it has a great deal of pain attached. The sad truth is that they all end.

A run of endings.

For a long time I didn’t experience or appreciate that the connections I was making would end. Of course I had the once only bookings I spoke about in my article Single Booking Sadness, but here I’m talking about escorts I had seen at least half-a-dozen times and felt a strong connection with. In the early days, they just seemed like they would roll on, continuing to deepen and grow. Wow, how naive was I?

Then it happened, my first ‘escort breakup’, then another, then another and you guessed it, then another. So why does this happen, what does it mean and what should be done about it?

The common denominator!

I am the common factor in my relationships, just as you are in yours. Four types of factors or groups of things seemed to happen that caused these enjoyable regular or repeat experiences to come to an end.

The logic of availability.

Firstly the rules of the universe intervened – the rules of time and maths. Early on, these relationships were new and the number of bookings we had shared together was small. As I moved through my second year as a client, I had more ‘regulars’ than was realistically manageable, and the length of these relationships had hit a point where any issues we may have with ongoing compatibility became revealed, exposed and ultimately actioned.

I couldn’t keep seeing all of the same regular escorts, and in some cases our relationships had gone as far as they ever would, and were in fact now decaying. The first of these regular connections to end hurt more as a result of shock and learning, than any deeper emotional hurt, and I guess now that I understand that if a client or escort is around for the long-haul, then this clearing and changing is a natural part of this weird but wonderful world.

Escort shut-down.

If the first reason for ending was more about my decisions on who to keep seeing, then this second group of endings is more about the Escort making their choice on who to continue receiving bookings from.

There are many ways that this can happen, and the ones that I have experienced felt to me, the client, as things like, the Escort being non-responsive, money-grabbing opportunism, coldness and other forms of shifting to exceptionally hard business shown over the softer companionship that was often a part of the earlier bookings with the same escort when the connection was building not decaying.

It really doesn’t matter what the example or the reason, one way or another the escort either decided to limit availability, close contact, be much harsher, or favour short-term financial outcomes over a continued longer relationship. The effect is the same, the escort decided that I wasn’t for them as part of their regular client cohort. As we all know, it doesn’t matter who pulls the trigger on a ‘separation’, it can hurt almost as much either way – whether you end it or they do.

There is a particular ‘hurt’ though, when you learn that someone won’t see you even if you are an OK client and you are willing to pay. Being rejected after being close at a past point in time, and when your payment history and other factors are all reasonable, can be a bitter pill to swallow at times.

Client actions.

On top of these client led selections and escort triggered exits, I had my own additional cocktail of triggers that caused an end in proceedings. For a few months (OK, maybe a year or more), I wasn’t my relatively happy-go-lucky self. Let’s just say I had family, work and other ‘real-life’ drama that put me in a low place – a more needy, sad, insecure and unhappy place. In a weakened emotional position, we take actions that are not always ideal.

This is the category of client instability and unsuitability, it captures a lot of territory. For me, I am not talking about anything financial, violent, unclean or otherwise unsavory, I was just overly stressed and needy. As a result, I was looking for support in my life and this included testing my escort relationships for support – subconsciously asking for more emotional connection than I deserved from these financial transactions.

To my eternal good fortune, a few escorts were kind enough and close enough to offer me this ‘beyond the work’ emotional support. Thank you so much! The rest, as you would expect, didn’t, it was a ‘step too far’ in the Girlfriend experience, and that was fair enough. Cutting a client loose can be done with good grace, it can be done with venom, and it can even be done with shame, embarrassment and public gossip.

Those that cut me down hard and with venom, I will gladly not see again, there are some nasty escorts around. Those that effectively said, sorry, but you’re not for me at the moment, I will happily see again, recommend to others and appreciate their professionalism and boundaries. Those that helped me, I owe so much, and without changing any of their professional boundaries required for their business, I also count as friends. When you get into long-standing regular escort-client relationships, the decisions become unique, individual and highly personal.

Escort actions.

There are also unusual, needy and other personal escort actions that can cause break-ups. This, like my story above, is too broad and personal a range of things to be listed. Suffice to say that I have experienced some behaviours that I don’t understand and the results need to be considered as the personal and private reasons of the escort. They may be rational or they may not, but when either party, client or escort says that it is over – then it’s over.

There are other reasons too, but escort or client, if you are here for a while, breakups are part of the territory. Some hurt, some don’t, some are necessary some are not. The connections that survive this strange and wonderful world are rare, very rare, and nothing less than minor miracles.

I would love your thoughts and thanks for reading my work.

Xx SP 1 April 2017 (article updated 19 May 2017 and again 23 May 2018).

Hurt feelings

When I started, I never expected to hurt anyone’s feelings.

New world, strange expectations!

When I look back to the beginning of my own journey, for some reason I felt that the whole reason for seeing an escort was to avoid entanglement. Oh, and of course to see someone that you could never get to meet in real life. It was a very simplistic view of the escort world.

I didn’t expect that I would get hurt feelings. I certainly never expected that I would hurt anyone else’s feelings. In those early days, I foolishly believed that I wouldn’t have strong feelings for the escorts that I met, and it didn’t even enter my head, that a few escorts may have feelings for me too!

HotelRoom

A double life – you’re not a ‘muggle’ anymore.

So the first feelings hurt were my own. I have a slightly addictive personality as well as a typical male’s needy one. I also fall in love relatively easily.  That is a dangerous cocktail of emotional need, connection and human addiction. So when I first started re-booking and then seeing certain escorts regularly, their commentary about great bookings and their great clients hurt my ego a little – I wondered if my time with them would ever be remembered like that? I found out, that I had pretty strong feelings for some of these wonderful women.

Initially, I didn’t think that I wanted to be ‘special’ in their lives, but I found that was becoming increasingly important to me with some of the regular escorts I was seeing – and if I’m being honest, knowing that in a number of these cases, I wasn’t at all special to them, hurt! It hurt like a ‘mother-fucker’.

So to some degree, I got over this. I spent a long-time ‘smacking myself in the face’ with logic. To some degree this worked, I understood that just getting a little friendly message between bookings, or a slight overstay, or just general authentic and honest interest in my life and well-being (as well as being allowed to re-book of course), were all signals that I was at least an appreciated client, if not a favoured one. I took strength from those small but sweet gifts of attention and interest. What I still didn’t realise, in slightly hardening myself against the personal hurt, was that some of these escorts also had some feelings for me. Beyond the basic business of ‘playing the companion’, some of the escorts I met, actually liked me just a little.

Hurting an escort’s feelings.

Everyone is different and so is every escort. This is obvious but important, as everyone’s tolerance for pretty much anything is different. The idiot that I am, I thought that a professional escort would not be hurt by knowing that I was seeing other escorts, after all, they were seeing so many other men (and women). That idea, along with a number of others I held as a ‘newly-minted’ client, was wrong in a number of instances.

Many escorts like to ‘turn a blind eye’ to what their clients do when not with them, just as I liked to do the same in reverse. For some escorts, perhaps it comes down to professional competitiveness and business risk (loosing a client), for others however, it is a genuine human interconnection, and being aware of the truth (especially in detail) can hurt. It really doesn’t matter whether you are a client or an escort – feelings are feelings and they are not at all logical.

Maybe it is not always a deep hurt, but some pain and discomfort at least. I was unaware of this, as I was telling myself the ‘logical story’ that of course ‘why would any escort actually care for me’. In that ignorance, I was oblivious to the fact that the details of my other bookings, and certain escort-related actions, were hurting the feelings of some of the escorts to whom I had become the most connected with. I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I was mortified when I found out that I had.

The extreme cases.

Not only do I have strong feelings for a number of escorts that I have met, I may have actually fallen in love with more than one of them, a story that I added a specific blog article about called ‘Loving an Escort’ that goes into greater detail. I know that this level of feeling isn’t reciprocated, it isn’t even reasonable, and in many ways it could even be seen as creepy and very poor client behaviour – but I am just a human being with feelings that most of the time do what they will, whether I want them to or not.

All it really means in practice is that the ‘hurts’ are far stronger. It is very hard for any of us to feel forgotten, or hold a level of interest in someone that isn’t reciprocated. Often clients feel this, as a significant part of the whole industry is for clients to ‘experience’ what it is like to be with a Girlfriend (GFE bookings). If that ‘Girlfriend’ illusion is strong and residual (and let’s face it the best Escorts make your truly want to be their Boyfriend), it is difficult for clients watching as their ‘temporary Girlfriend’ goes about being a professional companion, marketing and promoting their business, their clients and their experiences. It can be even harder watching some escorts denounce clients in general as awful, tragic and broken people. It is even harder, when for whatever reason, they denounce you.

For me, the personal benefits of continuing to enjoy these relationships is more than worth the hurt. Some of the feelings need to be buried deep and not openly expressed – freaking someone out with adoration is only going to end the connection in most cases. The ‘heart wants what the heart wants’ but that doesn’t mean that you need to freak people out with it. Staying cool is a valuable skill but a hard lesson to learn. It is one that I am still on a journey to learning and a year after initially writing the article, I still can’t say I have mastered this.

A double life or a multiple life – what is the answer?

So coming back to the beginning, I went into being a client of escorts and started a ‘double-life’. I never thought that in the ‘client-world’, things would need to be further compartmentalized and that ‘secrets within secrets’ might become a requirement. I sometimes think that the only answer to avoiding ‘causing pain’ is to move into a ‘multiple-life’ of even greater division and secrecy – I am however not ready for that, it seems a step too far.

The alternative is to understand and even embrace that some level of pain goes along with joy, ecstasy and love. Maybe I need to feel pain to know that I’m alive, just as much as I need to experience the classically positive emotions. In fact we can’t really feel joy, love, happiness and ecstasy without it contrasting against other darker moments in our lives – light and shade.

Maybe some escorts need to realise this too. If they are feeling client induced pain from a strong connection, maybe that is a good thing. They are alive, the work has emotional meaning, and they probably have a client who is going to be around for a long time! Assuming that both can stay-in-the-moment and not expect or demand more from the connection than the other is willing or able to give. Of course I added a blog post on that thought too, called ‘Staying in the Moment’.

Being a regular client of amazing escorts isn’t the simple magical world that I thought it was, but I’m never going back to a ‘muggle’ life. Perhaps with the added layers and complexity it is an even better world.

Thank you for you readership. Please feel free to share, comment, disagree, I’m am always happy for your thoughts and input. Of course this is the view of one simple client, and I am not speaking for others. Thanks also for the comments on the original version of the article from Jack and Bella.

Xx SP 11 March 2017 (article updated 8 May 2017 and again 6 May 2018)