Escort Rejection

Getting rejected by an escort – some thoughts.

No One Likes to be Rejected!

It can be hard to put yourself ‘out-there’ in any aspect of life. Asking for a date, even if it is an escort booking, is still a moment of possible rejection. Of course, that is nothing compared to being rejected after you have met someone, or later still, after you think that person has grown to know you. This article is an exploration of escort and client rejection.

Clients may make more gradual and subtle decisions about which escort(s) they would like to see, who they would like to see again, and who they simply don’t re-book. Most of the time, these decisions ‘hang out there in space’, a possible future booking, the potential for other outcomes, invisible and ‘open-ended’ decisions. In contrast, escorts control most of the ‘in-the-moment’ rejections. The ‘hard-stop’ end-points, where the end of the road isn’t a subtle thing at all. So let’s take a tour of some of these moments of potential straight-up rejection.

EmptyBedroom

When Does Rejection Happen?

Of course the answer is anytime at all. However for the purpose of exploring this topic, lets take a look at some interesting, common and less common, moments of cessation. Why rejection happens and what, if anything, can be done, or learned, from these moments. I am going to take a quick look at, social-media rejection, booking request rejection, booking cancellation, commencement of booking, during booking, after the first booking, after later bookings, black-listing, and other end-of-the road moments.

I think nine different points of rejection is enough for now. I have experienced more of these than I would have liked, you will have to guess which ones. On second thoughts, please don’t, although a little of my own experience is going to be pretty obvious within this article.

Social-Media Rejections.

This might be the ‘odd-one-out’ as far as escort rejection goes, as it can happen at anytime and clearly doesn’t generally happen to clients without a social media presence. There aren’t too many client bloggers around, so part of this section is extremely limited. It may not surprise you, that I get escorts sending me messages that they won’t except a booking from me because of this blog, it does however still surprise me. On the rare occasion that a message like this comes from someone I have met, it is a very painful rejection. On the other hand, the slightly more frequent ones from escorts I have not met are somewhat bizarre.

I guess it is a form of protest against this blog. Otherwise why would an escort, that I have never met or approached with a booking enquiry, send a specific private message asking me to never request a booking in future? I don’t know if prospective clients send escorts messages to say that they never intend to book them, but I guess that can happen too. Well I suppose I could congratulate them on their pro-activeness, letting me know in advance that I am not a welcome client – I guess I could call that ‘reverse hustling’. This is a strange example of a ‘hard-stop’ end-point, because exactly as intended, once I have been rejected, then that is the ‘end-of-the-line’. Strangely in this case, even before I knew that there was a ‘start-of-the-line’.

It does make me wonder whether any client should be on social media at all? What are the benefits? Some engagement, some help with selections and enquiries, entertainment, supporting favored escorts, information, celebration, other contact and emotional outcomes perhaps. What are the costs? Disdain and even hatred and attack, being classed as pathetically needy, time-wasters, white-nights, fanboys, slobbyists, and losers. I don’t see many (if any) social media active clients being embraced as useful, beneficial, gentlemen, or for that matter in the class of quality clients that generally happens in other service industries in relation to supportive customers. I do see another reason for rejection. It is not surprising that smarter clients than me stay away from expressing opinion, feelings and observations – in fact staying away from any online or social media publishing at all. The public voice of clients seems to be a pathway to rejection far more frequently than it is a pathway to selection, or even acceptance and appreciation.

So let’s move on to other points of rejection. This first one is easy, if you don’t want to ever be rejected in the ‘court of social media’, then don’t be active in social media as a client – and if you are, be a reader not a publisher. I personally have an issue with this whole silent client dynamic, but you can be smart, clearly I am just doomed to more of those “please don’t ever ask me for a booking” messages from out of the blue. Of course the word ‘please’ never appears in these communications and no response is sought, as the message is usually accompanied with a simultaneous Twitter blocking.

Booking Request Rejections.

This is a whole ‘rabbit warren’ of a topic all by itself, worthy of further exploration another day. There are even sub-categories here: failing screening, being a jerk, poor timing, filtering by ignoring, collateral damage, too little information, too much information, and even ‘Force Majeure’ (bad luck or an act of God).

Let’s fly through them. If you aren’t really seeking a booking, you are annoying, time-wasting, getting your thrills, a 14-year-old pest, a criminal, or any other ‘non-client’, then you aren’t actually being rejected, you shouldn’t be here in the first place. If you are being a jerk, overly entitled, rude or a creep, then you deserve to be rejected – sort your shit out and come back as a nice person. If you are not a quality client, then you don’t deserve a booking with any escort – end of story.

The rest of this territory is about luck, matched expectations, timing and still more luck. There are plenty of articles on how to request a booking on Scarlet Blue and other industry websites. Most escorts put details on their preferred contact methods and other insights on their profiles or web pages and some even have online forms to make it ‘fool-proof’ for clients. I am not going down that road, other than to say: Find the instructions and follow them as closely as you can. That is the most likely way of avoiding rejection in your request to see the escort that you wish to meet.

Even if you have done everything right, rejection can still occur – from soft rejection such as ‘non-availability for that time, tour, place or booking type’, to¬†laissez faire rejection where requests are just ignored, to hitting a bad time, a bad mood, or just being the next in line after a bad run of time-wasters. My suggestion is try again on the ‘soft rejections’ unless it becomes clear that the answer will permanently be a ‘sorry I’m not available’ soft rejection. Some rejections are just ‘no response’ – the reply never comes. Some escorts don’t respond at all when they are busy, fully-booked or away – does the industry loose any of these clients for good if they are new to the experience and it is their first request? Who knows. If your request was reasonable, well mannered and in every other way proper, and it was rejected harshly with a ‘hard-ending’, ‘don’t make contact again’ type of response, then look somewhere else. Either you dodged a bullet, may not be compatible, or it was just bad luck or bad timing.

I had one very aggressive rejection early in my journey, despite following the process and being very careful with my request. That escort and I have conversed on social media since, but I have never requested a booking from her in the many, many months since that response. Hard rejections are exactly that, hard, and although she seems like a wonderful escort, I have no intention of being rejected by her again. Maybe she dodged a bullet, maybe I did, or maybe she has missed out on a good client and I have missed out on great experiences – who knows!

Quality clients will generally respect the instructions of an escort, as they should. If those instructions include “don’t contact me again”, then that is what should happen. It might be worth reconsidering by all of us, how these hard rejections are given and who they are used with. Also whether sharing them on social media channels is good marketing to other quality clients or not. I have seen other ‘rejections’ play out online and thought – ‘well I’m not going there’, especially when it just seemed like a ‘bad day’ or worse, an escort joining in on a ‘client-hating’ thread. The social media rejection landscape works for (and against) everyone. I’m not the only person being rejected due to online perceptions.

Booking Cancellations.

Cancellations happen all the time. If you are a client and you get unreasonably upset with a cancellation, then you are a jerk, and not surprisingly the escort will feel they have dodged a bullet. If you act badly enough, not surprisingly they will probably share that information and you may find yourself ‘black-listed’ and rejected by other escorts as well. Take cancellations with good grace. Obviously if the escort is reluctant to re-schedule, credit any deposit against a future booking, or it is clear that the ‘cancellation’ is actually a permanent rejection, then perhaps another conversation may need to occur. There are necessary¬† ‘postponements’ and then there are ‘hard-ending cancellations’, they are not the same thing.

I have cancelled two bookings in two years, one due to illness and the other one due to another unavoidable issue, both with plenty of notice. I rescheduled the first and paid a cancellation fee for the second. In the same period of time, I have had twelve escort cancellations, three on the same day, and one of them half-an-hour into the out-call booking time – while sitting alone in the restaurant. I have never reacted badly, there will be more bookings after all, and for the most part the reasons were unavoidable and reasonable. As a client exercise good grace, be a Gentleman, that is better for you as a client and it is also usually rewarded by the escorts in question. Plus it is the right thing to do.

The only times I have been actually upset, and even then only slightly, was the ‘into-the-booking’ cancellation, and an interstate booking where I had gone to a lot (and I mean a lot) of expense and effort for a long booking, and when it appeared the reason for the cancellation was a fabrication. No one likes being made to look like a fool. Sitting in a restaurant with drinks waiting, having to cancel all sorts of plans and fly out early, these are shitty experiences, but I felt much better having taken them on the chin and moving on with the next booking. So many wonderful moments, a couple of missteps and the occasional cancellations along the way is nothing at all. Unless the cancellation is the rejection, a ‘permanent rejection’, then don’t behave in a way that makes it a permanent rejection or a story of caution for other escorts to be wary of you.

Commencement of Booking Rejections.

This is a nasty one for escorts and clients alike. No one wants to be ‘seen in the flesh’ and walked out on! This is ultimately a rejection of ‘physicality’, probably the only worse rejection is a rejection of ‘personality’. I am not talking about failing a sexual health or cleanliness examination, refusing a shower, payment issues, security concerns, or not honoring the client-escort transaction, safety, or something equality malicious or stupid. If that is the cause of a ‘walk-out’ on you, then it is entirely your fault, and you most likely deserve to be black-listed, reported or otherwise dealt with. Bad surprises, dangerous behaviour, lack of self-respect and cleanliness, fraud, deception, violence, rudeness, drunkenness and poor manners are all damn good reasons for a ‘red-card’ walk-off.

I have never had an escort walk-off. I have also never walked-off on an escort. To do this to someone, without a major issue like those discussed above, is a pretty low act. It is certainly a ‘slap-in-the-face’ to the other party, whether escort or client. Unfortunately I have heard it happen for very stupid and superficial reasons. If your reason is ‘your photos aren’t 100% accurate’, ‘you’re smaller than I expected’ or some equally ridiculous reason, then you are exhibiting poor behaviour, and although it may not feel like it at the time, it is the other person (often the escort) who has dodged a bullet. I haven’t heard of many escort walk-outs that weren’t without great reasons, I wish the same could be said for all clients.

During the Booking Rejections.

You can probably take most of the points from above as they relate to any bad, unethical, disrespectful or criminal behaviours. If you try to remove a condom or otherwise engage in unsafe or non-consensual acts, then you are at best a jerk, and most likely committing rape or some other crime act. The escort should leave immediately, take your money, report you and if the local laws allow have you arrested – these are ‘red-card’ walk out and go ballistic incidents. When I started as a client, I innocently assumed these things almost never occurred. The sad reality is that almost every long-standing escort has some of these sorts of horror stories. What bad things can, and sometimes do, happen to clients are nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the risks and incidents that happen to escorts. Any indication of anything like this, or even a bad feeling, should be enough for a walk-out and if appropriate a permanent rejection of the client.

There are other, less dramatic reasons for an early ending. By mutual agreement, due to unforeseen circumstances, or due to extreme incompatibility. Most of the time, the duration of the booking should be honoured, although maybe not in extremely lengthy bookings if the comfort level is extremely low. Conversations that lead to discomfort, drugs, religion, sexism, racism, world views, bad language and so on, should in my opinion be addressed rather than a walk-out. Both the escort and client should be able to say when and if they are uncomfortable with something. If the other party refuses to return the booking to what should be a positive and comfortable experience, respecting the person they are with, then I believe that quickly becomes a deal breaker. I have never experienced this, so I can’t know exactly how I would feel, but I would expect to be ‘warned’ before a booking is brought to an early close (with the exception of the red-card offenses mentioned before).

Second and Future Booking Rejections.

So now we are talking about people who have already met and know each other at least a little. There are a lot of ‘first bookings’ that remain the ‘only booking’. That is just the nature of the industry. Not having a second booking isn’t rejection. It may still happen in the future, it may have been a single moment and there may be many other reasons – something I explored a little in ‘Single Booking Sadness’.

There are times however where it is rejection. If a client writes a bad review of an escort, that is rejection, and in my opinion a nasty one as it is encouraging others to reject the escort as well. If an escort similarly tells others they disliked a client or black-lists them without sufficient cause, then they are also rejecting a client and encouraging others to do the same as well. This isn’t an epidemic by any means, but it is happening more than it should, by both clients and escorts and is not a good dynamic for the industry.

Then there is the decision just not to go back again. For the most part, if a client makes this decision, it is an invisible decision. There is a big shift here, that comes from the industry dynamic. For when it is an escorts decision, it may be another ‘hard-ending’ moment. For an escort, when a client makes that request for a follow-up booking, there are only so many ways to handle it: Ignore, Defer or Reject! Some clients will stop asking if they are ignored or keep being told they need to wait. The reject, although a harder and harsher message, may ultimately be the cleanest – depending upon the risks of the situation of course.

I have personally read some ‘lack of response’, and deferral messages, as an escort politely telling me they would prefer not to take any more bookings. Maybe I am wrong on a couple of counts, but I would rather avoid a hard-rejection if I were to push the issue. I would also prefer to focus on re-booking escorts who seem to have a genuine interest in seeing me again. This may lead to both ‘false-positives’ and ‘false-negatives’ in the sensitivity to ‘between booking’ communication, but it is an environment where ‘how we feel’ is important – it is a ‘feeling based fantasy’ after all.

Some escorts may have lost a ‘post-booking’ message in the flood of communications or due to technology’s imperfections, or simply not been able to respond. Others may have been too busy. Some may have a personal policy of not messaging clients. How these mistakes, behaviors and differences in approach affect client re-booking would make an interesting study. For me, as a communicator, maintaining some connection is an important factor, otherwise it is very easy to imagine that an escort would prefer I don’t make contact with her again, and lean towards others that I am in touch with.

Long-Standing Relationship Rejections.

Eventually, if you are a lucky client, a few bookings become many bookings. A ‘regular’ client-escort relationship has developed. In this environment, accidental or confused rejection is probably less likely. Rejection is real rejection, it is highly emotional and it is deliberate and for real reasons. I wish I could say I haven’t been down this road, but I have. The reality is that all client-escort connections will end. They will end due to the retirement of either party, maybe occasionally they end if the relationship moves beyond client-escort into some other type of ‘real-world’ relationship, or they end because one party doesn’t want to continue with the connection any longer.

Retirement isn’t rejection. Change in status isn’t rejection. A still active escort, or a still active client, calling an end to any further connection is a rejection and by this stage, it isn’t an ‘industry dynamic’, it is a personal one. This is territory where there isn’t a road map, as each situation will have its own unique sensitivities – with one exception. If an escort calls a ‘regular arrangement’ to an end, the client really has to take it as a ‘hard-end’, no communication, no follow-up, as without the prospect of another booking, any further contact is stalking and morally wrong. The irony is that this doesn’t necessarily apply in reverse, it is generally considered acceptable for an escort, where a client has called an end to a regular connection, to keep dialogue with a client who is still known to be active, in attempts to re-boot the connection. That is less likely to be considered stalking or morally wrong. Some strange things happen in this set of circumstances. The best solution seems to be – if either party calls an end – everyone should move on, as painful as that may be.

Black Listing and Other End Points.

All I have to say on ‘black listing’ or even ‘bad mouthing’, is consider it carefully. If you are doing it because you are hurt, then your motivation is the wrong one. Unless you are actually helping other people, rather than hurting the person you are attacking, then this is an inappropriate ‘hard-ending’. Of course if you are protecting other people that is a completely different story – blacklists and sharing of information in these cases is necessary given the many risks only hinted at in this article.

There are other endings. Disappearing is a concerning one, but happens from time to time – hopefully for personal benefit not as a result of falling victim to harm. There are also shifting needs, financial changes and a host of other reasons for a change in circumstances and ending contact. If handled honestly, these don’t need to feel like rejection, they can be explained reasons for discontinuing, rather than potentially leading to confusion and emotional harm.

This is an industry of first meetings, an industry of moments, an industry of secrets, an industry of experiences, and an industry of endings and rejections. Actually there are more rejections than acceptances, as the filtering process is at play all along the pathway. From enquiries and screening, to the ending of every connection that starts. If you play here, and it is a great and wonderful place to play, then you had better get used to rejection as part of the territory.

Thank you for your readership. I hope that I haven’t painted a negative picture, as all along this journey are the great experiences that come from taking a chance and asking to meet someone and spend time with someone. Loss just provides a contrast – bookends to great memories. I look forward to feedback, comments and views on this very big topic. Thank you!

Xx SP 24 June 2017.

Holiday Hideaway

Taking a break from the world!

A wonderful overnight booking.

This is my third story of a perfect booking, following the past articles Degustation Dream and Harbour Lights. Together as a ‘collection’ of stories, they show how different an escort booking can be, and yet still be perfect and unforgettable moments.

This was my second meeting with this amazing companion. It was originally meant to be a four-hour dinner date, but when we both realised that is was going to fall on a public holiday, we agreed to change it to an overnight booking instead.

Dinner-RS

Taking a break from everything.

A lot of the time, we are all ‘squeezing’ things into the time that we have available. In the busy modern world, there often isn’t much time left to relax and slow things down. Having a booking coincide with a public holiday is such a great idea – I wish I had done so before and I plan to again. The rest of the world is also operating at a slower pace. An overnight without interruptions, amidst a public mood of celebration and relaxation, that is a great background in which to place an extended booking.

We met early in the afternoon and had both already had a pretty ‘chilled’ morning. My companion had come prepared for an overnight booking so we were in no rush – we were effectively ‘off the clock’. We ordered a room service lunch, kissed a little while we waited for it to arrive, and then slowly ate the lovely meal while talking, catching up, and enjoying the city view. Watching the ebb and flow of people enjoying their public holiday.

An afternoon in the arms of an amazing woman.

Leisurely after our lunch, we talked, kissed and ended up in the bedroom of the hotel suite. Without the normal consciousness of time, it was a wonderful ebb and flow of sexual connection. Some fast and passionate release of pent-up sexual energy, some slower, gentle and subtle physical contact – almost teasing and sublimely sensual. Then later some more varied sexual intimacy – almost the sexual equivalent of a three-course meal. It felt like a timeless bubble, and yet only a few hours of the afternoon had passed.

We cleaned up, and went for a spa in the hotel’s pool area, it was lovely and quiet, with just another amorous couple nearby enjoying the quiet holiday. We were in close, touching proximity, and spoke naturally for long enough that we were both getting ‘water-logged’ from the hot spa. We returned from the pool and ordered dinner – once again choosing room service – for the whole afternoon, the world stopped spinning so fast and we just spent the time together. Two people alone, uninterrupted and unhurried.

Sunset on a perfect afternoon.

The sunset over the city and harbour was beautiful, however I was more captivated by the beauty (inside and out) of my companion for the evening. After dinner we tried out some other intimate approaches. Since we are both more subordinate in our psychology, it was amusing for me to attempt playing a more dominant role. I am not sure whether I managed to pull it off, but it was experimental, it was great fun, and it was so incredibly sensual. Images and feelings still come into my head remembering such a wonderful afternoon and evening and some new first-time experiences as well.

We spoke for more hours and eventually fell asleep together. It was a wonderful feeling being in the company of such a truly remarkable companion. I had half-jokingly and half-seriously already discussed my view with her, that overnight bookings were not always better than dinner or extended-dinner dates. I think my companion has certainly managed to change my mind on that score, and I now know how amazing an overnight booking can be.

The world returns.

We had been locked away from the world. The booking was a surreal mix of feeling like time had stopped, but at the same time it was all over far too quickly, like so many great experiences are in life. We went for breakfast, but by then work calls, emails, texts and the normal rush of the world had flooded back in. My companion was lovely, and talkative, and beautiful, while we wrapped up our booking and we both went back out into the world.

This was another perfect booking. A most lovely companion and another reason why I am hooked on the experiences that seeing escorts offers. It is hard to envisage not being able to enjoy these perfect moments, and I feel sad for the bulk of the world that think that there is something wrong with this form of human encounter.

Thank you to my companion, you know who you are, and thank you to so many other companions who have given me wonderful memories to treasure forever.

Thank you also for your readership. Thanks also to Carla for her comment on the original version of this blog article. Please let me know your experiences, comment, share and discuss on Twitter if you feel inclined.

Xx SP 10 May 2017 (article updated 9 June 2017).

Escorts who do Porn

Client considerations in booking escorts who also do porn.

Is it different seeing escorts who are also porn-stars?

The obvious answer is yes and no. I have been asked a number of times to finish this article, and to be honest, I have have held off writing it because to me it is not a compelling topic. I don’t see any significant difference personally, but I do identify with and understand some of the interest in the conversation.

I also feel that this article is also a good chance to highlight a couple of other semi-related considerations of how clients and sex-workers are presented publicly. It is on representations of clients and escorts that I am going to begin and finish with the topic of escorts who do porn.

BigSpaFun

The difference between physical and behavioural representations.

So let’s take a disconnected event on Twitter as a slightly unusual start to this article. A man, at best at time-waster, at worst a troubled and possibly dangerous pest, private messages an escort with a ‘dick-pic’. This I think we can all agree is a degrading and stupid move, and one that is unfortunately all too common. The escort posts the image and this person’s message publicly on her Twitter in an attempt to shame the man and tell a tale of caution to others.

To a reprobate like that it probably has the opposite effect, giving the loser the attention that he wants. He is just as likely to continue messaging his dick-pics in more attempts to be seen re-posted on escort accounts with over 10,000 followers. Now that this person’s ‘dick-pic’ is ‘out in public’, it receives two key kinds of response as other Twitter accounts (escorts and clients) all ‘weigh-in’ on the topic. The first class are behavioural comments, they criticize the person for the poor behaviour of posting a ‘dick-pic’. The second class of comments are physical, they suggest that the penis is small and the person is poorly endowed and he should be ashamed of showing his inadequacy to women and the public. For the record, his penis was about average size.

I personally do not like calling people out physically for something that is behavioural. Apart from it being a quick ‘race to the drain’ on who is behaving badly, it also sends a signal to a bunch of other people that they are also perverted or poorly behaved for how they look. To have escorts say a normal penis is weird, small, disgusting and evidence of worthlessness – has problems all of its own in the mental self-image of many clients and prospective clients.

This incident wasn’t about his physicality it was about his mentality, but apparently it is fine to treat one piece of poor judgement with any abusive message that we like. His poor behaviour, made the poor behaviour of others acceptable, in the eyes of some of the mob that participate in this type of social media lynching.

What on earth Percie has this got to do with porn-star escorts?

So some people love porn, some people don’t, and many people have a troubled relationship with it – believing it is a dirty little secret that they consume as needed and then tell the world publicly that it is bad. For the purpose of this article, it doesn’t really matter what you think of porn. What matters is that like the guy with the ‘dick-pic’, as this image based content gets circulated online, porn also turns its participants into public property – for the entertainment and comment of anyone with a keyboard.

Instead of looking at ‘mentality’ and behaviour, a large slice of the audience look at ‘physicality’ and feel that it is all of sudden fine to make judgements, make comments on any aspect and effectively de-humanise the subjects – making them an object in the same way as the ‘dick-man’. All of a sudden ridicule, comment on genitals, appearance, sex appeal, stereotypes on cleanliness and poor morals, are all apparently fair-game once the person is in the public eye as a result of their participation in porn (and of course this also happens with escort marketing as well).

So if I have one key point to make, it is that these porn-star escorts get a stereotype applied to them by many people that is grossly unfair. Yes this happens to all escorts, because they are all partly de-humanised by the industry, the internet, and the necessary public marketing representations, but it is worse for porn participants. There are even stigmas applied from each sphere of the sex-work industry upon the other spheres of the industry. This ‘segmentation’, and the interaction and judgements that exist, are all worthy of re-assessment in the minds of us all. We should try, where we can, to treat each person on their merits, not by where they draw their personal line in the sex industy.

Removing stereotypes and dealing with people.

I am no expert at all on escorts that do porn. I have only met four of them in person. When I met the first, I was a little unsure about making a booking and then also about meeting them. I had some stereotypes in my mind.

I thought they would be laughing at me on the inside, as with me they had inferior, boring, vanilla, garden-variety sex with a middle-aged man, who is no better equipped physically than our ‘dick-pic’ man. How could I compare with the fine male specimens that ravish these beautiful women in porn-grade sexual encounters? Would they be bored by an escort booking, compared to the ‘perceived’ glamour of producing porn? Would they expect me to perform like a porn-star? This along-side many other similar insecurities made me consider not proceeding. Maybe this effect and these ignorant and unfounded concerns still impact new and inexperienced clients and turn them away. While I am sure there is another type of client that is highly attracted to the idea of booking a porn-star.

Of course my more experienced friends and readers, it is now your turn to be laughing at me. You know many escorts in porn do it as a side-line. In Australia they don’t earn enormous sums of money. It is hard work, inelegant, artificial and not really that much fun to make in many instances. Some unscrupulous porn producers also take advantage of Escorts trying to build their profile. It is also not representative of the full range of sex that these same escorts enjoy – it is, even when fun to make – for the most part fake! I’m sure that comes as no surprise, so why do so many men feel that porn represents real sexual performance expectations?

My view on the difference.

So now that I have met some escorts that have made porn, I don’t think there is any difference (other than the porn exposure) between them and escorts who choose not to make porn. They are completely different, individual and for the most part amazing people, just like the majority of other escorts that I have met. If there is any difference, it is that they have another level of ‘dick-pic’ type guys to deal with – they are subject to some pretty poor behaviours and probably some unfair expectations from their escort bookings. In some cases, they are also subject to unfair thinking by non-porn escorts, clients and some of the social media and forum channels. It takes a pretty strong person to be an escort, and you have to add a bit more strength to add porn into that mix as well.

I don’t think there is any difference between escorts that do porn and those that don’t, unfortunately I am not the only person out there and an awful lot of people do see a difference and buy into ridiculous stereotypes. Meet people in person, they are guaranteed to change your mind!

Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment, share, re-post on Twitter and send me requests for future articles. Coming up in June, some guest articles from other authors, interview with an escort (or two), and interview with another client.

Xx SP 28 April 2017 (article updated 3 June 2017).

Harbour Lights

Reminiscing on a wonderful booking – another date story.

Some moments capture a relationship.

This story is another moment in time. My second article telling the story of a magical date, another perfect escort booking. In some ways this is harder to tell than ‘Degustation Dream’ and I am glad that I am committing this wonderful evening to a story now, before too much more time passes.

The fact that I have had the great fortune to see this amazing woman on many occasions, means that if not recorded now, the great experiences we have shared together may start to merge into each other. That isn’t a bad thing, it is just that I am trying to tell the story of just one of our many great encounters, not the story of how much this person means to me, and how great a collective set of experiences can be. That however may be an article for another day, one I feel that is fast approaching.

BennelongCocktails2

Lightness of being.

Sometimes you just feel good. This date started with a walk to the restaurant as the summer sun was beginning to lower in the late afternoon sky, arm in arm after my beautiful companion exited her Uber on arrival. The weather was beautiful and the harbour-side was buzzing. We each took a couple of quick photos of the view and then headed into the restaurant.

Cocktails of course! Then a quick catch-up, we were after all way past the ‘getting to know you’ stage of early bookings, now having a shared history and established conversation short-cuts. Then a wonderful meal, simple elegant dishes. Small incredible photogenic and delicious entrees, followed by amazing mains and then of course desert – with more cocktails! The meals were delicious and beautiful, the harbour view and city magnificent to behold, but the most beautiful sight was my glowing, happy companion. Impossible to take my eyes away, she was also being watched by other envious and curious restaurant guests as well – it’s hard to miss a beautiful radiant soul, especially when their smile, eyes and being are alight with happiness!

After dinner stroll.

It wasn’t a long walk to the hotel. A beautiful summer evening we took our time soaking up the balmy, perfect weather and chatted on the way back to the room. One of my favourite hotels, with similarly impressive views over the harbour as our restaurant. Some champagne, some giggles and some slow undressing with plenty of kissing while still talking and relaxing, we gradually moved into post-dinner nakedness.

My desire for this companion, now that we are well acquainted, comes from friendship, comfort, her incredible intellect and deep emotional soul and her endless joyfulness, lightheartedness and focus on adventure and fun. I try to be these things, but as you will know from my writing, I can be pensive, over think things and sometimes get caught by the negative emotions that we all encounter in life. Just thinking of my friend pulls me out of those moments, being with her is like the clouds are lifted in the emotional equivalent of a perfect summer’s day.

Having said all of that, when I see her naked in my company, it is one of the most sexually exciting and stimulating moments. In so many ways, things about this companion are now ‘happiness shortcuts’ in my life. I constantly carry around memories and triggers that bring me back to those happy moments – perhaps most of all, the ethereal lightness of being after a most amazing meal, a walk around the harbour in the company of a most perfect companion. Concluding the booking with yet another wonderful evening of brilliant and passionate sex.

After the day.

We have been to shows, events and numerous restaurants, they have all been wonderful too. Sometimes however relaxed conversation, good food and a city putting on a special evening is enough to create simple perfection. To me this companion is exactly that, the representation of a perfect summer evening.

If you read my article on ‘Friends and Lovers’, I hope and believe that this companion is also my friend. She is also occasionally a ‘ghost’ (see article), after all, who really can hold continuous joy in their heart at every moment. I have learned to let the bookings be the moment and enjoy the sporadic communication in between. This was a challenge for me for a while, but as you learn more about a person, you also learn to appreciate differences in style. This young woman has taught me a little about letting go, enjoying the moment and letting gaps be meaningful and lighthearted. I may be learning to appreciate the step-in and step-out strengths and meaningful highs of a ghost-like connection. I am also learning to have fun and enjoy the adventure.

As I said in my last ‘perfect date story’, I hope you enjoyed hearing about this booking and even more so, I hope you have had similarly powerful and pleasant experiences all of your own.

Thank you for your readership. Feel free to comment here, share and give me feedback on Twitter. I hope that my perfect date story reminds you of some of your own.

Xx SP 3 April 2017 (article updated 19 May 2017).

Degustation Dream

Recollection of a perfect night – the story of one booking.

The set-up to this story of one perfect night.

This is the story of one moment in time. I am going to take a slightly different approach to my previous blog posts on ‘client-escort’ topics and recount a single booking – a perfect booking.

I have more of these to come (subsequent to this story, I have added ‘Harbour Lights’ and ‘Holiday Hideaway’). What can I say, I have been very, very fortunately, so please don’t take the order of articles, story content or any other aspect as some vote, preference or ranking system. Let me know if you want to hear more of this type of article. The story is true, detail has only been left out for privacy and to protect the guilty – me! I hope you enjoy the story of a perfect night.

HoodedWoman

Meeting again!

My first meeting with this wonderful escort was worthy of a similar story, one for another day. It was fortunate and serendipitous for its own reasons and that first booking had left me wanting a second booking – something that wasn’t possible for a while due to a number of reasons, a delay that heightened the anticipation of this ‘sequel’ date.

Our second booking, this booking, now named by me for literary effect as ‘Degustation Dream’ was planned as a dinner date and locked in weeks ahead of schedule. We kept some infrequent but pleasant contact, counting down the weeks and keeping the expectations high – it is a pleasant thing as a client to anticipate a future booking and to believe it is pleasantly anticipated by the escort as well. Eventually the day came.

The arrival.

We met at the hotel where I was staying, she was running a little late and advised me of the delay by text. I set myself up in the lobby bar to find that a wedding or engagement party was in full swing. I was fortunate enough to get the last two seats in the hotel lounge. I ordered two glasses of champagne, partly as a signal to the function guests that the other seat was taken.

My companion for the evening arrived in a thin, elegant and rather revealing sun dress, relaxed and sexy, but also formal enough for a restaurant dinner. Despite the large number of young men and women at the function, many turned and looked as she arrived. I still smile now remembering their looks as this beautiful, graceful and head-turning woman gave me a hug, flicked her hair and sat down to the champagne. Some of their curious looks turned to barely hidden disapproval when she sat down next to me. She didn’t even notice their disdain and started a casual, pleasant discussion with me, as though she had only been away to the bathroom and we were resuming a barely paused conversation. In the end, I think the champagne ended up on the bill of the function guests – I was winning already.

Off to dinner.

Our meal was at the other end of town, at a restaurant recommended to me by a work colleague. We caught an Uber Black and had a pleasant and what seemed short drive. When I entered the restaurant I became a little concerned. I am pretty sure I was the second-youngest person there, which made my companion for the evening by far the youngest. It seemed like the sort of ‘establishment’ place that old couples and executives haunt, and I was concerned that it would be stolid, uninspired food in a mausoleum style environment. I was very, very wrong!

Our waiter and sommelier were wonderful. We started by ordering a fine bottle of red wine and while considering the menu and raving over the wine, my companion said we didn’t need to ‘watch-the-clock’, and we could order the degustation option if that was my preference. Well you know the answer already from the title of this article, those words are always lovely to hear, never expected and always a most lovely bonus.

We had something approaching ten of the best small courses of food that I have ever had, and I am becoming a rather spoilt dinner guest. The sommelier seemed to be competing with himself with every matched wine, oh yes, we added the matched wines option, to out-describe the wine before it. Telling us of its history, region and the detail of why he had selected each wine for the particular course of the degustation – it was an absolute tour de force of a meal and the restaurant staff doted on us but also left us space for some very intimate conversations.

In the end we were almost the last guests to leave, thanked by the staff, probably keen to close-up, but impeccably well mannered. It cost a lot, but I almost welcomed the bill, it was the best meal for two people I think that I have ever had. The food and drinks were amazing, and the conversation, on only our second meeting, was equally divine. We discussed our personal philosophies, elements of our history, things we had in common and where we wanted to go in life. I know escorts and clients must keep secrets in reserve, but I don’t remember feeling that any discussion was off limits – it was just hours, and I mean hours, of dining and blissful company.

OK, so we we’re both pretty drunk. I don’t suggest that this is a good idea in most cases, as too much alcohol can drastically diminish performance, enjoyment and memory – all bad for client-escort dates. In addition, if you aren’t both in a good mood, expect the alcohol to make the mood worse. Despite that caveat, we were both having a ball. I suspect that the Uber driver taking us back to the hotel would have a different story, but hey, I don’t recall much of that trip, other than we were very close together.

Back at the hotel.

So maybe when you are floating in a dream, the effect of alcohol on libido is different. In this case, I had no alcohol related performance issues. I am not a writer of sexy literature and I’m also very reluctant to go into too many details, other than to say that I was very keen to have sex and it took almost no effort. We didn’t make it past the couch in the hotel suite before we were at it, in relatively raw and vigorous release, after hours of getting close to each other.

Then to the balcony in the night air. I think the fresh-air hit me, because I couldn’t see or focus on any long-range vision beyond the immediacy of my escort companion. More specifically her back, her hair and the back of the rest of her naked body – you get the idea. I don’t know if anyone could see us, I suspect that they could, and neither of us cared, we were in sheer wanton disregard of the modesty of the rest of the city at night.

Then lastly to the bedroom and by that stage, I had slowed a little, it was gradual, face to face and more intimate. I think after that I let the team down, as although I thought I had put up a sterling display, my companion was doing better than me, younger, fitter, better and probably would have pushed me further still, but I believe she kindly let me off-the-hook claiming a similar level of fatigue. This was not a short session either, there was more talking and quieter intimate moments as well. My companion had really gone off-the-clock, and I am again not suggesting that this should ever be expected, ever, but it was so nice to look back later, reminiscing about that night, and realise the honour granted by my companion to allow it all to come to an end when it came to an end.

Post booking.

We got dressed, slowly as drunk and tired people tend to do. I walked my companion to her car and yet again we stopped, don’t worry, not to drive anywhere. I joined her in my first cigarette for several years, and then another and then another. We had more conversations and ultimately she decided to crash for what little of the night remained at a friends place nearby. I wandered back to my hotel very slowly, the walk of a very tired but very satisfied person, savouring the night and with a spring in my step.

I woke up to a massive hangover, the type where it seems someone is working on the inside of your temples with twin jack-hammers. I was due to fly out and it took me a long time to pack up the room, finding packets, condoms and remnants of the evening everywhere – with each little ‘find’, I smiled and then my headache reminded me not to smile so quickly.

We exchanged a number of messages the next day. I think my main comment was at how amazing the evening was and at how ‘broken’ I felt. I really was broken, I was sore in the strangest of places for almost a week afterward – strangely it was a pleasant pain, bringing back a recollection of one of my favorite experiences.

We have seen each other since, will hopefully continue to see each other more in the future, and every booking has been a joy. The bar was set very high that night, and I think we have come very close to equaling it now on a few other wonderful occasions. We have often spoken about that one ‘stand-out’ night that just went perfectly start-to-finish – my Degustation Dream (a name I have only just bestowed on this wonderful evening, this wonderful memory).

Please don’t try and identify my companion. Also, please don’t think I am discounting other mind-blowing experiences, if this article format proves popular, I will include more of these individual date stories alongside the other article types. I simply wanted to tell the story of a great booking.

I hope you enjoyed hearing about this booking and even more so, I hope you have had similarly powerful and pleasant experiences of your own.

Xx SP 30 March 2017 (article updated 17 May 2017).

 

Friends and Lovers

The complexity of friendship in a client-escort relationship.

What makes up a ‘Girlfriend Experience’ (GFE) booking?

This is not really an article for clients new to seeing escorts. Consider this more of a conceptual client-escort article on dynamics that happen over time. Everyone’s experiences are different, so maybe the concepts here might create some controversy or disagreement. The premise is pretty simple, ‘Girlfriend Experience’ (GFE) bookings contain two key components – sex and friendship that are extremely different dynamics.

Most escort’s detail their sexual offering in ‘services’ and this is usually a key booking discussion point. In this particular post, I am focusing on the far more problematic and complex area of companionship – or let’s be more honest, the part of the purchase that is about friendship – real or pretend.

Cocktails

Classes of client-escort friendship.

Why do I take escorts on dinner dates? Probably because I am interested in the connection and ‘friendship’ as much, OK even more than the sex. So in a ‘Girlfriend Experience’ (GFE) proposition, hardcore sex is traded for contact, companionship, conversation and some element of pretend, or real, friendship. If clients and escorts get into emotionally compromised and hurtful territory, it is far more likely to be connected to the friendship elements than the sex.

Most clients understand that escorts are having sex with many other clients. Most escorts understand that a certain group of their clients are seeing many escorts. Few in my experience have trouble with this scenario. When you swap the words and say some escorts are making friends with many clients, and some clients are making friends with many escorts – then this scenario is one that a fair number of escorts and clients are not as prepared to deal with emotionally. The sex is for sale, but human connection and friendship is not. Although there are many levels with this, it is the minefield of the ‘Girlfriend Experience’ within the sex work industry, and one that I have already discussed in a number of blog posts on this website.

Five types of ‘client-escort’ friendships.

So with this article, more than all the others before it, I want to start a discussion. I am even hoping to see some controversy and disagreement. Again, from my own limited experience, I am going to put the ‘connection’ part of escort companionship, the GFE relationship, into five categories. I believe that you can class both escorts and clients in these groups, although the percentages and behaviours vary depending on whether you are provider or purchaser. Here they are …

Ghosts – this group disappear between bookings. There is no ‘companionship’ offered outside of the booking environment. This may be a great thing, it may be an awful thing, it depends on which group you are in, and whether you need ‘connection’, companionship and friendship outside of the booking itself. Many mainly PSE providers and very successful and super-busy escorts fall into this category. Many occasional and silent (invisible) clients are also in this category – this can be a low maintenance and highly valuable group if both of you – client and escort – are ghosts. I actually aspire to be a ghost, unfortunately for me at the moment, I’m in the class of needy clients that desire a message of reinforcement and friendship between bookings.

Scalpers – this group want to ‘add another scalp’ to their list. You may think that this is only a certain class of clients who want to see lots of escorts only once. You would be wrong. There are also escorts who want to ‘list’ certain ‘punters’. They want to showcase dates, gifts and in some cases, the lonesome friendship cries of some of the most needy clients to their peers as some sort of competition or proof of their escorting skill. It is very disappointing that this thinking exists in the minds of both clients and escorts and it is very hurtful to others not of the same mind or ‘industry as a game’ thinking.

Actors – an obvious skill for escorts and a questionable one for clients, is the idea of ‘acting’ as a companion and friend for the commercial outcome of the escort-client transaction. This is where the model normally starts for an escort – make a client feel good, not only sexually but in terms of attention, conversation, companionship, listening and other aspects of friendship. This is an understandable, and when it is well handled even a highly agreeable part of the service. It is strange however if a client feels they need to ‘act the friend’ either for game-playing, negotiating or some other strange motivation. I have no issue with escort ‘actors’, if I fall for the act, then well played to you my escort companion – especially if the overall experience is amazing. It is going to hurt in some circumstances (maybe later as a repeat client), but that is the risk of buying a Girlfriend experience – if I wanted a ‘real girlfriend’, then this isn’t the place to start and it is entirely a ‘buyer beware’ scenario.

Friends – if an escort and client have developed a relationship over time (repeat and regular bookings in particular), then some form of friendship is possible. Every long-standing escort probably has some co-working escort friends and possibly some client friends as well. Every long-standing client may also have some escort and even other journeying client friends as part of the experience. The cynic would say that this is almost impossible to know, until the ‘business part’ of the relationship has been retired. I have ‘placed’ some of my escort relationships in this ‘holy grail’ category to find that they were actually consummate ‘Actors’, and unfortunately in some cases even ‘Stalkers’. The ones that remain, I truly honestly hope that they remain friends – not best friends, just friends, after our booking days are over – I guess I am going to find out eventually, and I guess the number is going to be small, and maybe even zero. Sadly some escorts I viewed as friends have disappeared already.

Stalkers – last of all is when it gets out-of-hand. The connection, desired connection or some other element, takes it from healthy to unhealthy. A mismatched relationship where one person becomes obsessed with the other and acts upon this obsession. There are so many emotions, feelings and experiences in the mix here, and lets face it, many of us are needy, it happens that someone goes too far and moves into an obsessive mode (I am lumping all obsessive behaviours here together as stalkers). Escorts experience this far more than clients, but it happens in reverse too. It isn’t a pleasant place to be, knowing that someone is obsessed with you and not knowing what that means or how far they will go. It actually happens far more than people admit, escorts and clients have both told me very concerning recounts of experiences in this class of dangerous and needy obsession. Some are very scary indeed!

So what does it all mean?

Well once again I am big on setting the scene and unfortunately short on solutions. I really don’t have the answers. Stalkers are scary as hell. Friends are desired, but often an illusion and even more so in this ‘purchased intimacy’ environment, where acting ‘connected and friendly’ should really be added to most escort’s service list. If you are a ghost or are happy with an ‘acted experience’ then you, my wonderful amazing friend, are on a glorious ride. If you, like me, hope to find a few friends along the journey, then get ready for disappointment. For me, disappointment is fast becoming a friend all on its own, but I will find you – my friend – and we will beat the odds. In the mean time, I am happy with the escort that can act up a storm, but I wish I could better avoid the scalpers and the stalkers.

Thoughts, opinions and experiences please. This time, with this level of controversy, there must be some of you who want to debunk my romanticism or shoot down my unproven logic from some more experienced perspective or point of psychological science. I hope at least this made you think.

Xx SP 28 March 2017 (article updated 16 May 2017).

Adventure

The thrill of the journey – focusing on having fun!

This should all be fun!

Why would a client book an escort if it wasn’t for enjoyment? This is a question worth asking yourself over and over again. There are lots of other factors that can creep into a client’s head – past history, guilt, expectation and a host of other reasons that are probably ‘bad thinking’.

It is time for my blog to get back to some upbeat topics! If you read my blog, then you know I like to explore issues with personal meaning. That can appear as dark, brooding and over-thinking. Time for a break! For this article, it is about the sheer fun and adventure of seeing an escort.

AdventureCocktail

Why did I see my first escort?

I had a life trigger that made me ask, was I having fun? The answer, no matter how I tried to convince myself otherwise was no. I was in the all too common situation of doing what I had to at work and at home, and not really doing anything selfish, anything that was truly for me and for me alone. I guess that classic description is a ‘mid-life crisis’, it doesn’t matter what you call it or when it happens – I decided I was going to be selfish and do some things just for me!

My decision included more travel, more events, spending money on things I wanted and buying some ‘entanglement free’ sex and companionship. I say ‘entanglement free’ in inverted commas, because it is two human beings and there is no such thing as ‘entanglement free’ as a lot of the articles in my blog explore in detail. If those conversations interest you, try ‘Becoming a Client’, ‘Sex and Guilt’, and ‘Hurt Feelings’, those articles go into more detail on the inevitable ‘entanglements’.

The point here, is that we should keep going back to ‘what makes it fun’, the reason I became a client and also the reason why so many of my early bookings were fun. I was naive, no entanglements had developed, it was new, fresh, exciting and fun. If you have been doing this for a while like I have, then there may come times along the journey to re-focus on the pure enjoyment of spending some quality time and having fun with an amazing escort.

Best times and best moments!

I have had the best moments in my life with escorts, and by that I mean the most fun. There is a subtle but important difference between ‘times’ and ‘moments’. My best times are extended life experiences of achievement, family, children and other elements in the overall journey of life. My best moments however are short, memorable, joyous ‘bubbles’ that are usually unexpected and surprising.

Seeing an escort, at its best, can create these ‘memory bubbles’, moments of near perfection that sit alone – within, but aside, from the regular year-after-year flow of one’s life. Most of the ‘moments’ that return to my mind in quiet reflection are with escorts – they are the closest thing I have to pure selfish fun! They have even made it into my dreams, sort of an ‘on-demand’ replay bonus.

I have been fortunate to be able to recount some of these moments of pure perfection here, in the stories ‘Harbour Lights’, ‘Degustation Dream’, and ‘Holiday Hideaway’. There have been others too, some I am yet to write, others that the escort involved would prefer were unspoken, and no doubt, some more to come.

What is an ‘escort adventure’ for me?

One of the reasons that I prefer dinner-dates (or longer format bookings), is to shoot for the stars on a combination of great food, drinks, company, conversation, connection and sex. That is six factors, if you want to think about it like that, that all need to go right – seven if you are crazy enough to add an experience (show, trip or event) into the mix. Get a few of them right, at the same time, and it makes for a great date, and most escort meetings are ‘great dates’. Get most of them together and it makes for an unforgettable memory. Get them all perfect and it is like the ‘holy grail’, one of those perfect moments you just want to capture, bottle and stare at for the rest of eternity.

The fact that this mix has been perfect for me – all six from six – on eight occasions, yes I know exactly how many, because they are moments that I will never forget, is probably the answer to why I am a client of escorts for the long haul. (update note: the number is now even higher, but from this update, I am not giving a ‘number’ any longer). Those sort of experiences are addictive – the things that quests and crusades are created from. I am greedy for more moments of pure bliss and the many other ‘close calls’ (often only a slight miss due to other external factors – out of the control of the escort or myself) that are still amazing dates and needless to say, the best money, and moments in time, that I have ever spent.

Some moments of perfection!

A second ‘date’ of perfection with a perfect degustation, beautiful wines, stimulating conversation and unbridled sex that neither of us were willing to let end. A night at the ballet, a room upgrade, fine food and one of the smartest, sweetest and radiant women I have ever met. My muse, free-spirit and inspiration, dining with the harbour lights with perfect food and cocktails and an easiness of connection that is always totally disarming. A public holiday, spent alone in the company of a most amazing woman, while the clock almost stopped. Four dates of perfection that I will never forget. I would add some of the other stories with these and other equally amazing escorts, but I think the idea is sufficiently expressed for this article. I need to save some stories for another day, and three of these stories are already links, mentioned earlier in this article.

Out-of-booking entanglements.

I am enriched in my life from the connection, friendships, contact, support, advice and other positive ‘entanglements’ that wonderful escorts have offered, and that I have gratefully accepted and hopefully reciprocated. I have also had negative ‘entanglements’ of jealousy, guilt, malicious attack, money grabbing and emotional blackmail, this is all completely human. In my darker moments I have not been completely innocent on this front either, as doubts and emotions play their wicked game. It is however a trap – a trap that can take us away, both client and escort, from the part of this industry, these engagements, these dates or bookings, that should be primarily about pure fun and enjoyment.

Just after I first published this article, I had another new adventure that did not involve escort bookings. I took my first short break from bookings since I started on this journey, and set off to experience a different kind of fun. It is always good to have a break, reassess and examine where you are. I even wondered whether after a hiatus I would return at all? Well as you can see from the articles since, my ‘Hiatus Perspective’, reinforced the joy I had in seeing escorts and re-booking some amazing women that I adore. It was also a great re-focus on the core idea of fun, enjoyment and experience.

I am back to the adventure of seeing escort companions. I am continuing to try to shed or manage the few negative entanglements that still remain, embracing the positive ones for as long as they are offered, and I will make some more of those ‘holy-grail’ moments of perfection happen again.

Here is to each and every one of you enjoying the adventure and having fun!

Thank you so much for your readership. Please share, comment, give me feedback and tell me about your own motivations and adventures.

Xx SP 24 March 2017 (article updated 15 May 2017).