Escort Rejection

Getting rejected by an escort – some thoughts.

No One Likes to be Rejected!

It can be hard to put yourself ‘out-there’ in any aspect of life. Asking for a date, even if it is an escort booking, is still a moment of possible rejection. Of course, that is nothing compared to being rejected after you have met someone, or later still, after you think that person has grown to know you. This article is an exploration of escort and client rejection.

Clients may make more gradual and subtle decisions about which escort(s) they would like to see, who they would like to see again, and who they simply don’t re-book. Most of the time, these decisions ‘hang out there in space’, a possible future booking, the potential for other outcomes, invisible and ‘open-ended’ decisions. In contrast, escorts control most of the ‘in-the-moment’ rejections. The ‘hard-stop’ end-points, where the end of the road isn’t a subtle thing at all. So let’s take a tour of some of these moments of potential straight-up rejection.

EmptyBedroom

When Does Rejection Happen?

Of course the answer is anytime at all. However for the purpose of exploring this topic, lets take a look at some interesting, common and less common, moments of cessation. Why rejection happens and what, if anything, can be done, or learned, from these moments. I am going to take a quick look at, social-media rejection, booking request rejection, booking cancellation, commencement of booking, during booking, after the first booking, after later bookings, black-listing, and other end-of-the road moments.

I think nine different points of rejection is enough for now. I have experienced more of these than I would have liked, you will have to guess which ones. On second thoughts, please don’t, although a little of my own experience is going to be pretty obvious within this article.

Social-Media Rejections.

This might be the ‘odd-one-out’ as far as escort rejection goes, as it can happen at anytime and clearly doesn’t generally happen to clients without a social media presence. There aren’t too many client bloggers around, so part of this section is extremely limited. It may not surprise you, that I get escorts sending me messages that they won’t except a booking from me because of this blog, it does however still surprise me. On the rare occasion that a message like this comes from someone I have met, it is a very painful rejection. On the other hand, the slightly more frequent ones from escorts I have not met are somewhat bizarre.

I guess it is a form of protest against this blog. Otherwise why would an escort, that I have never met or approached with a booking enquiry, send a specific private message asking me to never request a booking in future? I don’t know if prospective clients send escorts messages to say that they never intend to book them, but I guess that can happen too. Well I suppose I could congratulate them on their pro-activeness, letting me know in advance that I am not a welcome client – I guess I could call that ‘reverse hustling’. This is a strange example of a ‘hard-stop’ end-point, because exactly as intended, once I have been rejected, then that is the ‘end-of-the-line’. Strangely in this case, even before I knew that there was a ‘start-of-the-line’.

It does make me wonder whether any client should be on social media at all? What are the benefits? Some engagement, some help with selections and enquiries, entertainment, supporting favored escorts, information, celebration, other contact and emotional outcomes perhaps. What are the costs? Disdain and even hatred and attack, being classed as pathetically needy, time-wasters, white-nights, fanboys, slobbyists, and losers. I don’t see many (if any) social media active clients being embraced as useful, beneficial, gentlemen, or for that matter in the class of quality clients that generally happens in other service industries in relation to supportive customers. I do see another reason for rejection. It is not surprising that smarter clients than me stay away from expressing opinion, feelings and observations – in fact staying away from any online or social media publishing at all. The public voice of clients seems to be a pathway to rejection far more frequently than it is a pathway to selection, or even acceptance and appreciation.

So let’s move on to other points of rejection. This first one is easy, if you don’t want to ever be rejected in the ‘court of social media’, then don’t be active in social media as a client – and if you are, be a reader not a publisher. I personally have an issue with this whole silent client dynamic, but you can be smart, clearly I am just doomed to more of those “please don’t ever ask me for a booking” messages from out of the blue. Of course the word ‘please’ never appears in these communications and no response is sought, as the message is usually accompanied with a simultaneous Twitter blocking.

Booking Request Rejections.

This is a whole ‘rabbit warren’ of a topic all by itself, worthy of further exploration another day. There are even sub-categories here: failing screening, being a jerk, poor timing, filtering by ignoring, collateral damage, too little information, too much information, and even ‘Force Majeure’ (bad luck or an act of God).

Let’s fly through them. If you aren’t really seeking a booking, you are annoying, time-wasting, getting your thrills, a 14-year-old pest, a criminal, or any other ‘non-client’, then you aren’t actually being rejected, you shouldn’t be here in the first place. If you are being a jerk, overly entitled, rude or a creep, then you deserve to be rejected – sort your shit out and come back as a nice person. If you are not a quality client, then you don’t deserve a booking with any escort – end of story.

The rest of this territory is about luck, matched expectations, timing and still more luck. There are plenty of articles on how to request a booking on Scarlet Blue and other industry websites. Most escorts put details on their preferred contact methods and other insights on their profiles or web pages and some even have online forms to make it ‘fool-proof’ for clients. I am not going down that road, other than to say: Find the instructions and follow them as closely as you can. That is the most likely way of avoiding rejection in your request to see the escort that you wish to meet.

Even if you have done everything right, rejection can still occur – from soft rejection such as ‘non-availability for that time, tour, place or booking type’, to¬†laissez faire rejection where requests are just ignored, to hitting a bad time, a bad mood, or just being the next in line after a bad run of time-wasters. My suggestion is try again on the ‘soft rejections’ unless it becomes clear that the answer will permanently be a ‘sorry I’m not available’ soft rejection. Some rejections are just ‘no response’ – the reply never comes. Some escorts don’t respond at all when they are busy, fully-booked or away – does the industry loose any of these clients for good if they are new to the experience and it is their first request? Who knows. If your request was reasonable, well mannered and in every other way proper, and it was rejected harshly with a ‘hard-ending’, ‘don’t make contact again’ type of response, then look somewhere else. Either you dodged a bullet, may not be compatible, or it was just bad luck or bad timing.

I had one very aggressive rejection early in my journey, despite following the process and being very careful with my request. That escort and I have conversed on social media since, but I have never requested a booking from her in the many, many months since that response. Hard rejections are exactly that, hard, and although she seems like a wonderful escort, I have no intention of being rejected by her again. Maybe she dodged a bullet, maybe I did, or maybe she has missed out on a good client and I have missed out on great experiences – who knows!

Quality clients will generally respect the instructions of an escort, as they should. If those instructions include “don’t contact me again”, then that is what should happen. It might be worth reconsidering by all of us, how these hard rejections are given and who they are used with. Also whether sharing them on social media channels is good marketing to other quality clients or not. I have seen other ‘rejections’ play out online and thought – ‘well I’m not going there’, especially when it just seemed like a ‘bad day’ or worse, an escort joining in on a ‘client-hating’ thread. The social media rejection landscape works for (and against) everyone. I’m not the only person being rejected due to online perceptions.

Booking Cancellations.

Cancellations happen all the time. If you are a client and you get unreasonably upset with a cancellation, then you are a jerk, and not surprisingly the escort will feel they have dodged a bullet. If you act badly enough, not surprisingly they will probably share that information and you may find yourself ‘black-listed’ and rejected by other escorts as well. Take cancellations with good grace. Obviously if the escort is reluctant to re-schedule, credit any deposit against a future booking, or it is clear that the ‘cancellation’ is actually a permanent rejection, then perhaps another conversation may need to occur. There are necessary¬† ‘postponements’ and then there are ‘hard-ending cancellations’, they are not the same thing.

I have cancelled two bookings in two years, one due to illness and the other one due to another unavoidable issue, both with plenty of notice. I rescheduled the first and paid a cancellation fee for the second. In the same period of time, I have had twelve escort cancellations, three on the same day, and one of them half-an-hour into the out-call booking time – while sitting alone in the restaurant. I have never reacted badly, there will be more bookings after all, and for the most part the reasons were unavoidable and reasonable. As a client exercise good grace, be a Gentleman, that is better for you as a client and it is also usually rewarded by the escorts in question. Plus it is the right thing to do.

The only times I have been actually upset, and even then only slightly, was the ‘into-the-booking’ cancellation, and an interstate booking where I had gone to a lot (and I mean a lot) of expense and effort for a long booking, and when it appeared the reason for the cancellation was a fabrication. No one likes being made to look like a fool. Sitting in a restaurant with drinks waiting, having to cancel all sorts of plans and fly out early, these are shitty experiences, but I felt much better having taken them on the chin and moving on with the next booking. So many wonderful moments, a couple of missteps and the occasional cancellations along the way is nothing at all. Unless the cancellation is the rejection, a ‘permanent rejection’, then don’t behave in a way that makes it a permanent rejection or a story of caution for other escorts to be wary of you.

Commencement of Booking Rejections.

This is a nasty one for escorts and clients alike. No one wants to be ‘seen in the flesh’ and walked out on! This is ultimately a rejection of ‘physicality’, probably the only worse rejection is a rejection of ‘personality’. I am not talking about failing a sexual health or cleanliness examination, refusing a shower, payment issues, security concerns, or not honoring the client-escort transaction, safety, or something equality malicious or stupid. If that is the cause of a ‘walk-out’ on you, then it is entirely your fault, and you most likely deserve to be black-listed, reported or otherwise dealt with. Bad surprises, dangerous behaviour, lack of self-respect and cleanliness, fraud, deception, violence, rudeness, drunkenness and poor manners are all damn good reasons for a ‘red-card’ walk-off.

I have never had an escort walk-off. I have also never walked-off on an escort. To do this to someone, without a major issue like those discussed above, is a pretty low act. It is certainly a ‘slap-in-the-face’ to the other party, whether escort or client. Unfortunately I have heard it happen for very stupid and superficial reasons. If your reason is ‘your photos aren’t 100% accurate’, ‘you’re smaller than I expected’ or some equally ridiculous reason, then you are exhibiting poor behaviour, and although it may not feel like it at the time, it is the other person (often the escort) who has dodged a bullet. I haven’t heard of many escort walk-outs that weren’t without great reasons, I wish the same could be said for all clients.

During the Booking Rejections.

You can probably take most of the points from above as they relate to any bad, unethical, disrespectful or criminal behaviours. If you try to remove a condom or otherwise engage in unsafe or non-consensual acts, then you are at best a jerk, and most likely committing rape or some other crime act. The escort should leave immediately, take your money, report you and if the local laws allow have you arrested – these are ‘red-card’ walk out and go ballistic incidents. When I started as a client, I innocently assumed these things almost never occurred. The sad reality is that almost every long-standing escort has some of these sorts of horror stories. What bad things can, and sometimes do, happen to clients are nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the risks and incidents that happen to escorts. Any indication of anything like this, or even a bad feeling, should be enough for a walk-out and if appropriate a permanent rejection of the client.

There are other, less dramatic reasons for an early ending. By mutual agreement, due to unforeseen circumstances, or due to extreme incompatibility. Most of the time, the duration of the booking should be honoured, although maybe not in extremely lengthy bookings if the comfort level is extremely low. Conversations that lead to discomfort, drugs, religion, sexism, racism, world views, bad language and so on, should in my opinion be addressed rather than a walk-out. Both the escort and client should be able to say when and if they are uncomfortable with something. If the other party refuses to return the booking to what should be a positive and comfortable experience, respecting the person they are with, then I believe that quickly becomes a deal breaker. I have never experienced this, so I can’t know exactly how I would feel, but I would expect to be ‘warned’ before a booking is brought to an early close (with the exception of the red-card offenses mentioned before).

Second and Future Booking Rejections.

So now we are talking about people who have already met and know each other at least a little. There are a lot of ‘first bookings’ that remain the ‘only booking’. That is just the nature of the industry. Not having a second booking isn’t rejection. It may still happen in the future, it may have been a single moment and there may be many other reasons – something I explored a little in ‘Single Booking Sadness’.

There are times however where it is rejection. If a client writes a bad review of an escort, that is rejection, and in my opinion a nasty one as it is encouraging others to reject the escort as well. If an escort similarly tells others they disliked a client or black-lists them without sufficient cause, then they are also rejecting a client and encouraging others to do the same as well. This isn’t an epidemic by any means, but it is happening more than it should, by both clients and escorts and is not a good dynamic for the industry.

Then there is the decision just not to go back again. For the most part, if a client makes this decision, it is an invisible decision. There is a big shift here, that comes from the industry dynamic. For when it is an escorts decision, it may be another ‘hard-ending’ moment. For an escort, when a client makes that request for a follow-up booking, there are only so many ways to handle it: Ignore, Defer or Reject! Some clients will stop asking if they are ignored or keep being told they need to wait. The reject, although a harder and harsher message, may ultimately be the cleanest – depending upon the risks of the situation of course.

I have personally read some ‘lack of response’, and deferral messages, as an escort politely telling me they would prefer not to take any more bookings. Maybe I am wrong on a couple of counts, but I would rather avoid a hard-rejection if I were to push the issue. I would also prefer to focus on re-booking escorts who seem to have a genuine interest in seeing me again. This may lead to both ‘false-positives’ and ‘false-negatives’ in the sensitivity to ‘between booking’ communication, but it is an environment where ‘how we feel’ is important – it is a ‘feeling based fantasy’ after all.

Some escorts may have lost a ‘post-booking’ message in the flood of communications or due to technology’s imperfections, or simply not been able to respond. Others may have been too busy. Some may have a personal policy of not messaging clients. How these mistakes, behaviors and differences in approach affect client re-booking would make an interesting study. For me, as a communicator, maintaining some connection is an important factor, otherwise it is very easy to imagine that an escort would prefer I don’t make contact with her again, and lean towards others that I am in touch with.

Long-Standing Relationship Rejections.

Eventually, if you are a lucky client, a few bookings become many bookings. A ‘regular’ client-escort relationship has developed. In this environment, accidental or confused rejection is probably less likely. Rejection is real rejection, it is highly emotional and it is deliberate and for real reasons. I wish I could say I haven’t been down this road, but I have. The reality is that all client-escort connections will end. They will end due to the retirement of either party, maybe occasionally they end if the relationship moves beyond client-escort into some other type of ‘real-world’ relationship, or they end because one party doesn’t want to continue with the connection any longer.

Retirement isn’t rejection. Change in status isn’t rejection. A still active escort, or a still active client, calling an end to any further connection is a rejection and by this stage, it isn’t an ‘industry dynamic’, it is a personal one. This is territory where there isn’t a road map, as each situation will have its own unique sensitivities – with one exception. If an escort calls a ‘regular arrangement’ to an end, the client really has to take it as a ‘hard-end’, no communication, no follow-up, as without the prospect of another booking, any further contact is stalking and morally wrong. The irony is that this doesn’t necessarily apply in reverse, it is generally considered acceptable for an escort, where a client has called an end to a regular connection, to keep dialogue with a client who is still known to be active, in attempts to re-boot the connection. That is less likely to be considered stalking or morally wrong. Some strange things happen in this set of circumstances. The best solution seems to be – if either party calls an end – everyone should move on, as painful as that may be.

Black Listing and Other End Points.

All I have to say on ‘black listing’ or even ‘bad mouthing’, is consider it carefully. If you are doing it because you are hurt, then your motivation is the wrong one. Unless you are actually helping other people, rather than hurting the person you are attacking, then this is an inappropriate ‘hard-ending’. Of course if you are protecting other people that is a completely different story – blacklists and sharing of information in these cases is necessary given the many risks only hinted at in this article.

There are other endings. Disappearing is a concerning one, but happens from time to time – hopefully for personal benefit not as a result of falling victim to harm. There are also shifting needs, financial changes and a host of other reasons for a change in circumstances and ending contact. If handled honestly, these don’t need to feel like rejection, they can be explained reasons for discontinuing, rather than potentially leading to confusion and emotional harm.

This is an industry of first meetings, an industry of moments, an industry of secrets, an industry of experiences, and an industry of endings and rejections. Actually there are more rejections than acceptances, as the filtering process is at play all along the pathway. From enquiries and screening, to the ending of every connection that starts. If you play here, and it is a great and wonderful place to play, then you had better get used to rejection as part of the territory.

Thank you for your readership. I hope that I haven’t painted a negative picture, as all along this journey are the great experiences that come from taking a chance and asking to meet someone and spend time with someone. Loss just provides a contrast – bookends to great memories. I look forward to feedback, comments and views on this very big topic. Thank you!

Xx SP 24 June 2017.

OMG Escort Rates

One client’s perspective on escort rates – yes I went there!

Don’t talk about rates! Pay what is asked!

These are the two golden rules of rates when it comes to clients and escorts. Don’t talk about rates, don’t talk about rates, don’t talk about rates! Pay what is asked or walk away!

So why, in only my second blog article, am I tackling possibly the most controversial topic of all? Plus why did I come back on 3 May and add some edits to this article? Crazy?

MoneyRates

Rates from one clients perspective.

Perhaps the third rule is ‘don’t discuss what role rates play’ in the escort and client dynamic and client’s decision making process. Now here is some territory that perhaps isn’t that well understood, because we never really talk about it. So remembering that this is only my perspective, here we go …

Why does an escort charge a certain rate?

At some level this is market forces at work, the same as almost any service industry, but with some major differences. A client normally doesn’t know, and shouldn’t know the basis of an individual escort’s rate decisions. Maybe the escort only wants a certain volume of bookings and lifts their price to reduce quantity, as a result maximising their earning potential from a lower volume approach. Maybe it is the opposite, and rates are lower to maximise the quantity of bookings and win new clients in a full-time, higher volume approach. That decision is private and largely secret.

There are a huge number of personal and business reasons for choosing a particular set of rates and that is entirely up to the escort – end of discussion. Something many clients (my past mistakes included) take some time to learn. As a client, when you would like to see a particular escort, and feel that their rate is higher than your payment comfort level – walk away. Almost no discussion past this point ends well.

Why does a client choose to book at certain rate(s)?

Again this is private for many of the same reasons: volume, personal finances, preferred booking format (duration and type) and again a host of other private reasons. So all I can speak to is my own experience. Over time I have settled into a preferred booking type (duration) that I mix around a little for both new experiences and some variety. I also have a preferred pricing rate, or more accurately a pricing range, that again I play around with from time to time. I am fairly comfortable with where I fit, and the type of escorts that I generally like to see.

The reason for the ‘format’ preference is that it works best for my personality, desires and comfort within a booking. The reason for the rate-range is that it is where most of the escorts I see regularly price their service. Purchasing comfort, and after a while a sense of fairness and loyalty, as much as anything else, keeps me largely within that preferred rate range.

Everyone’s range and preference is different, and they shouldn’t be shamed, just as every escort’s rate can be different, and they shouldn’t be shamed or questioned either. Both the escort’s pricing decision and the client’s buying decision should be respected – where they match bookings should occur, and where they don’t match, bookings should not occur. It’s pretty simple at that level, when we keep entitlement, jealousy, competitiveness and other comparisons out of the mix and decision process.

What are the signals given by rate choices?

There are however many signals given to prospective clients by selecting certain rates and rate structures. I say prospective clients, because rates are part of the escort’s ‘marketing mix’ before a client has seen that escort. After the first meeting, the price may be a future barrier or incentive to re-booking, but it isn’t simply about first-booking marketing any more. For prospective clients, the time lengths and booking selections on offer and their price differences ‘say something’ about the escort, their preferences and ‘booking type’ fit. Here are a couple of over-simplified examples.

If an escort has a reducing scale for longer bookings it tends to signal a preference for longer dates (compared to more hours being on the same unchanging hourly rate). If a dinner booking is significantly less than the same number of hours for a comparable straight booking, then it signals that dinner is a preferred booking (especially if the escort says as much and talks about food and dining in their profile). If overnight and weekend rates have a significant reduction, then once again a signal is sent. This may not be true or even the deliberate intention of the escort, but it is the signal that is sent to a potential first time client. These pricing signals combine with photos, bios, social media and other elements in the client’s selection of who they are going to try and book.

Value and cost, or if you prefer, the apparent hierarchy of escort rates?

This is possibly where most of the angst about rates comes from – what is an escort worth? How do they compare? What does a higher rate buy? I don’t like or even agree with any of these questions for the following reasons that I hope are obvious.

The escort-client booking is almost unique compared to most other financial transactions. The difference between a good experience and a bad experience is as far apart as any service can be. A client can spend the same amount of money with two escorts and have, in one case the best experience of their life, and in the other case an experience they would wish to forget – one is priceless, the other (at best) is a waste of money. For an escort, the gulf between good and bad is even more profound – it is the enormous gap between an enjoyable connection and putting their life at risk – the full range of possibilities that exist in human interaction, one is relatively easy money and the other is not worth any amount of money.

Put another way, one extreme asks the question – why wouldn’t everyone want to do this? The other extreme – why would anyone do this? This dialogue leads into perceptions, society, bad clients, good clients, sexism and a host of topics for another time (which as at the time of updating this article in May, I still haven’t had the courage to tackle). Within these ranges, talk of ‘is it worth the money’ is almost nonsensical. Personally I have had experiences that I will never forget and I have also had ones that I wish I had forgotten already – at those extremes, the value for money conversation makes no sense at all.

An escort is far more than their rate.

The range of experience and quality has very little to do with pricing and rate. It also varies enormously between one encounter where there is a good connection and another encounter where the client and escort simply don’t ‘click’. Depending upon needs, connection and a host of non-monetary ‘compatibility’ elements, the connection between escort and client is largely independent of rate. My experiences do not correlate at all with rate. I have had mind-blowing bookings with ‘lower-rate’ escorts and not-so-great ones with ‘higher-rate’ escorts. Really after the booking is made, a client should try and forget the rate and enjoy the ‘date’ as by that point, the amount spent has lost any relevance on the experience. The trick is finding where the balance lies and then sticking with it as much as possible – specifically the dynamic of ‘regulars’ (a topic I covered after this initial article, looking at rates and the impact on maintaining ongoing ‘regular’ client-escort connections).

So an escort chooses their rate as an earning and business decision, it is not a reflection of their value – any quality escort is ‘worth’ so much more than their ‘rate’. An escort is selling a service, provided personally for a set time – they are not selling themselves and as a result the rate is their pricing on the value of their service, it is not their personal value.

For a client, their spending rate is also a capacity and personal decision, it should not be seen as stating or inferring value and a good client knows that they are getting more than their money is worth, and for that reason, clients should ‘add value’ to the date. Clients should ‘bring additional value’ with manners, a nice environment, being at our best (attire, hygiene, cleanliness, sober and in a good frame-of-mind) and anything else that shows real value for another human being’s time, where money does not. Clients who think about ‘giving more than their money’ are generally going to get a far better experience, and the value and enjoyment is increased for both the client and escort alike.

More to say?

I had hoped to get into regulars, rate changes, discounting, gifts and other connected topics, but this is already too long an article, so more another day. A little of this was added later under ‘Discounts, promos and rates’ if you are interested in that follow up article. Obviously I am interested in your comments and thoughts. This is only my view, so please don’t get into heated debate. I am only speaking for myself and my experience, not for every client and certainly not for escorts – please add your perspective here in comments if you want or through discussion on Twitter.

Thanks so much for your readership!

Xx SP 7 March 2017 (article updated 3 May 2017).