Making it Regular

Building a regular client-escort relationship. Some thoughts …

Dynamics of more regular client-escort relationships.

If you’ve been a client of escorts for any length of time, you will probably end up with a regular companion (or possibly more than one regular escort). Every successful escort is also more than likely to have their core group of regular clients as well.

Maintaining this connection should be enjoyable, fulfilling and highly desirable for both parties, it can also be a huge challenge. This article starts an exploration of the topic of ‘regulars’.

KitKats

So who chooses to make it a ‘regular’ situation?

Perhaps the general thinking is that it is the client. The client makes a ‘first-booking’ decision, finding an escort that works for them in whatever way is important, and then continues over time to make further repeat, and ultimately regular bookings with this preferred companion.

I think however that astute escorts should also (and do also) play perhaps the major role in this dynamic, effectively choosing the clients that they would ‘like’ as regulars and then making it appealing for these clients to ‘stick’ in a regular booking relationship for as long as it lasts. The dynamic is a mutual one.

We can’t all be regulars! There is maths involved in availability.

Many clients make multiple bookings. For escorts, winning these new clients (in the marketing sense) can be hard work, and the idea of developing a cohort of established, regular and financially valuable clients makes a sensible part of any business strategy. So a successful escort, attracting clients and making the volume of bookings that they want, may ultimately have a quantity of regular clients that makes sense for their individual business model.

These regulars can be ‘chosen’ at random, as the end result of clients choosing, of their own accord, who they want to ‘repeat book’. Alternatively, an escort can play a role in choosing the ‘type of client’ that they want as one of their regulars. After all we can all only have so many regulars, so it makes sense for all involved to participate actively in this ‘choice’. An escort should maximise her business for the best possible fit and results, and ‘choose’ the clients that best make this happen for them.

How do we choose each other as regulars?

Perhaps I am not as good a client as I think, but my experience is that there is rarely any incentive offered by most escorts to ‘hold’ regular clients – at least from my observation and discussions. I am not talking about special deals, discount-pricing or ‘frequent flyer’ type arrangements, I am simply talking about classical ‘client relationship’ hooks. Special communication, notification of availability and desire to ‘catch-up’, small signs of appreciation, ideas for future bookings and any extra dose of incentive, matched to the escorts individuality, that will hold the attention of a client they would like as a regular over the competing forces in the industry that may ‘drag them away’.

(Update note (April 2018): this is not really true for me anymore. I have some regulars who go to great effort to understand me, be kind to me, and work together on our booking plans. It isn’t about discounts or special-deals, it just about each of us making the other feel special. So I am hooked of course and hopefully they don’t mind me as a client. I guess the editorial note here, is that this takes some time – for example the time since I first wrote this article more than a year ago.)

After all, holding a regular and reliable client makes business sense – it is by definition generally more reliable, safer, easier (if the selection is right) and hopefully more mutually enjoyable.

So why does this fail so often?

I’m still getting my head around this and there is clearly no single reason. The obvious reasons include clients and escorts retiring or changing their habits, desires or any other aspect of their ‘way of operating’. Financial situations change, successful escorts may ‘price themselves’ out of a former regular’s financial capacity or other financial details may change. People grow apart, or things do not ‘improve’, even in the unusual client-escort relationship world, relationship dynamics happen.

There is also the whole industry force of ‘swapping’ – the client finds a new favorite or the reverse happens and the escort has a new, preferred group of regular clientèle. The group of forces that perhaps intrigue me more, are even more subversive, sub-conscious and oh so human. I’m calling these reasons for the failure of regular ‘client-escort’ relationships … The Test!

So what is The Test?

We all know something about clients ‘choosing’ particular escorts for the first time and also the screening and other reverse ‘selection’ or perhaps more appropriately ‘approval’ processes that escorts use in varying ways. Far less discussion exists around what happens in terms of ‘additional filtering and selection’ in later dates. I have come, for simplicity’s sake, to call this The Test.

It can be anything. It is also generally administered by both the escort and the client (usually very differently and at different times), but it is almost always to ‘test’ that there is a regular relationship and it is most likely not even a conscious act. A client may ask for a favour, expect more time, something to be said, a special thank-you or just be surprisingly obnoxious (probably without realizing it) hoping to not be ‘rejected’ … a test that happens in many relationships. What the client is looking for, is some sign from the escort that they have a ‘special’ relationship, that their connection can survive the occasional ‘bump in the road’. Unfortunately, all to often, they can’t.

If the client, doesn’t get a sign, or worse yet a degradation in the relationship, it is likely that there won’t be many more bookings. This isn’t restricted to clients. Escorts may also ‘test a client’, to see if they are ‘above others’ in the mind of the client and similar unusual behaviours may be sub-consciously conducted to see ‘will my regular still re-book’ and therefore is our relationship more special and durable than others. These are self-destructive human actions that happen all the time and more often than not end the regular relationship – especially if they persist over time.

It is strange that we don’t do ‘deliberately positive’ reinforcements more often, maybe we are hard-wired to test our friends, lovers and even paid or paying partners. I think the study of this alone would be interesting work, but as usual the psychology or sociology of sex-work is almost as taboo in society’s thinking as the act, and I certainly don’t have any hard evidence to base any of this on.

So what does it all mean?

Don’t ask me, I can’t work all this complexity out. The only thing I know is that my success rate for the ‘testing dynamic’ isn’t that great. I’ve lost regular companions because we ‘tested’ each other out, before I even knew that this was a thing or that I had this self-destructive thing within me.

I survived another ‘test’, where I am ashamed to say, I was the one doing the testing (not deliberately of course), but now that I look backwards, I can see that she was a very special person to have survived what I regretfully and sub-consciously ‘tested’ her with. It probably made our connection weaker, but now that I am aware of my physiological weakness here, I am increasingly determined to use positive relationship building rather than accidentally stress-testing connections to see if they hold. It’s a work in progress, I have my issues and neediness that made me a client in the first place still being resolved. I always try and improve, be better, but it is a journey that includes the occasional backward step.

In other cases, I hope that I can see this coming and also recognise if an escort is ‘testing me’, rather than just the situation where we are not compatible as regulars.

Sorry no profound answers here, but hopefully something for you to consider in your own journey. Comments and feedback as always most welcome. Plus I hold no anger, only sadness, with any of my endings and wish everyone I have come into contact with on this journey only the best upon their own.

Xx SP 8 March 2017 (article updated 6 May 2017 and again 17 April 2018).

Thoughtful Gifts

Some thoughts and recollections on client-escort gifts.

Gifts between escorts and clients.

I really do need to write more upbeat blog articles. Here is one that I really enjoyed writing and have enjoyed updating as well. This piece may not be exactly what you think, this is not the story of clients giving escorts gifts, I will write on that topic another day, this is the story of clients (this client) receiving gifts from escorts.

Maybe if you are a fellow traveler (client), then this may happen for you a lot, but in my experience it is a relatively rare and highly cherished thing. Maybe this is because it goes against the ‘flow of money’, but when a small, relatively low-cost, but clearly considerate gift is given, it is a very moving and memorable thing. It is one of those surprising highlights that just feels so nice and that feeling lasts a very long time.

AdventureKRing

Why is a gift from an escort so special?

There are a number of obvious reasons, the main one being that it is unexpected. In addition, no matter how small, it is a return of some of the financial earnings of the escort. It also shows that you, the client, were on their mind outside of a booking for at least long enough for the purchase of a gift. I don’t know about other clients, but to know that a single thought of me passed through the mind of an escort I care about, outside of the booking or planning, is such an amazingly uplifting feeling – and a gift is proof of that moment of thought. When it is a gift with meaning, that shows a real understanding of you and your personality or desires, then it is a joyous and highly memorable moment.

Small time extensions, communication outside of bookings or their arrangement, extra effort in any aspect of the booking, clear attentiveness, all of these things are of course gifts as well. Anything ‘above and beyond’ that is given at the escort’s discretion, is in its own way a gift, given to the client by the escort. These should never be expected and they should always be appreciated. However the receipt of something physical, a real gift and symbol that sits outside of the booking, is a very sweet experience indeed.

Some of my memorable moments.

I have had champagne brought to bookings by my companions, those moments stick in my memory. I have had cards on my Birthday and at Christmas with very kind words, even notes left for no reason at all, I have kept them all, well hidden, but they all mean something to me. One in particular just struck a chord with what it said and how it was given and it brings a tear to my eye just recalling it.

I have been given a cigarette lighter from an escort’s overseas holiday destination and weird candy and chocolates brought back from overseas trips as well. Every gift I have received I recall clearly, and they all bring the memory of the booking and the person back with them, recalled more easily than some other bookings. The recollection is made easier thanks to the connection, that moment of surprise that goes with receiving an unexpected gift, offered by a beautiful and kind escort, makes those moments stick clearly in my memory.

A few gift stories illustrate my point, and they make me remember sweet and wonderful things about four amazing women. Firstly there is a repeat offender who sends me back, or returns in hand, with strange and wonderful alcoholic beverages and other accoutrements from her travels – items not generally available in Australia – yes she is an addiction in more ways than one. This has also included weird and wonderful sex toys from overseas. She is a lot braver than me, heading through customs with some of those items, all for the fun of discovery and sharing.

Secondly two wonderful escorts brought me back a very meaningful item from their overseas travels. That specific (and currently secret) item has been ‘on-tour’ with me and may take up its own place in a photo essay or blog article story one day. Finally, there is a simple engraved key ring, it captures an important connection and mantra for me so clearly and simply, that it just brings a whole host of memories and emotions flooding back to me whenever I see it – and I see it every day. I named a whole article after this gift called ‘Adventure’, this one gift is an anchor-point and perpetual reminder that we should all be here to have fun, great experiences and adventure. Sometimes I need that message and a re-focus on fun.

Making moments meaningful.

I think my take-away from this article is a simple one. Whether a client or an escort, you can make a moment meaningful outside of the financial or situational specifics of a booking. Something exchanged, words, feelings, a gift or giving a little something extra of yourself, they all show that there is just a little more happening between two people than a transaction. Of course if there isn’t that is perfectly fine, a normal booking is highly enjoyable, rewarding and fun, just not the subject of this article. Sometimes however it is nice to give and to receive, just a little bit more. In some cases, the gift is so charged with meaning, it will never be forgotten.

If you are the person going the extra step, you are giving the other person just a bit better experience and a better day. If you know someone well enough, you may even end up giving them something that means the world to them.

Celebrating the adventure!

You may feel from some of my articles and explorations that I have a negative reading on escorting and my experiences. That couldn’t be further from the truth, it is just that my writing is often here to explore issues, and often those issues are areas of tension in this tension packed industry. I am pleased in this case to tell you a story, a true and emotional story, of real giving generously offered to me.

I am not sure that the gifts I have given to escorts in return mean as much, but I have been touched deeply on a number of occasions by the thoughtfulness of escorts and the things that they have given to me – sometimes a gift, sometimes an idea, sometimes something of themselves – most escorts are extremely giving people and that is part of the reason why my secret client life, often feels like the richest part of my life. It is certainly rich in experience and human interaction.

I hope that it isn’t just my ‘issue posts’ that gather attention, I hope that you also like hearing something on the positive things that escorts bring to clients like me.

Thank you for your readership. If you feel like sharing, commenting or feedback, that is greatly appreciated, as are your thoughts and experiences if you care to add them. Thanks to Mike and Bella for comments on the original version of this article.

Xx SP 19 April 2017 (article updated 25 May 2017).